#I guess I just cant handle him like this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lobotomyladylives · 8 days

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I think bpd is a bullshit stigmatizing label thrown at women to pathologize what is very obviously a response to prolonged childhood trauma and would be better labeled as C-PTSD. that being said my god I am bpd as fuck

#my sister just snapped at me bc i said i dont want to do a ton of physical labor for the job she signed me up for which apparently does i #in fact involve a lot of it. and her being mad for even that moment sent me spiraling so badly & i had the reaction i often do where #i start hating both her & myself terribly & want to isolate forever #i think she hates her new job & is taking it out on me but it doesnt matter bc i cant handle being yelled at #and the fact thst it took me till adulthood to realize thats bc i associate it with my father is crazy. yeah its just the cptsd like #everything else. and whats nutso is how i continue to think my trauma Wasnt Bad Enough for ptsd .#just bc he didnt beat the shit out of or molest me i feel like i dont even have a right to be this fucked up #not that it was only him. being bullied at school really did not help. i guess now that i think about it the problem is that until #i was a teenager i literally did not feel emotionally secure anywhere. home or school. always the ticking of a bomb in the bg #the inevitable moment my dad blew up over nothing or i overheard my peers talking about what a freak i was #i dont know why it still hurts to think about. im so far removed from it my life now couldnt be more different #well thats the stupid fucking thing about childhood isnt it. those are your very first experiences with the world & other ppl #i do know my view of romantic relationships was irrevocably poisoned by my parents & that is never going to be undone. so cool

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todayisafridaynight · 2 months

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everyday i constantly think of masato's wheelchair and if that's his only one/main one no wonder he's so pissed at everyone

#snap chats #someone pointed this out to me like last year so im stealing it sorry cause I Think Of It Constantly #the handling of masato's disability will forever annoy me esp with how vague it is but esp his chair #one day ill draw masato with an appropriate wheelchair. maybe then he'll be happy for once #in a way i guess it could tie into how restricted or trapped he felt since the type of chair he's shown is more like. a hospital one #and not one youd really use as a regular user- like in that vein it is a bit of storytelling in that he can ONLY go out with help #since hospital chairs are SO much different from home chairs ESPECIALLY in regards to mobility and independence the user has #AND NOT TO MENTION HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THOSE CHAIRS ARE get his ass a proper cushion P L E A S E #like it portrays the idea that its unfathomable for him to go anywhere on his own and so in that vein . Interesting Storytelling #theres a lot of implications going on here if im so honest and again it makes for Really Interesting Story Telling #however i refuse to give rgg credit like that when it comes to disabilities. ... they havent earned that from me yet #see this is why the vagueness of his condition annoys me because he's shown to be independent enough to roll himself to his elevator #and presumably get himself dressed but he cant have a proper chair ?#because ik there are people who have expressed they have conditions where even writing is tiring #so if his condition was in-line with that and it was hard for him to push himself in his chair then i could buy it #obviously the issue lies with his lungs but i just want to know the full extent yk...#to wrap this up tho ive been thinking of character design in rgg and how we dont give credit to it enough #sooooo if i make a second post ten minutes from now thats why cause i keep forgetting to spam my thoughts on here LMAO #ok bye

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anxiously-sidequesting · 5 months

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So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this #i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry!#i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc-#-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to #but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)-#and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult #and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back??????#we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro....#and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP #NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL #i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess #this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed #and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end)#but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ #he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT #not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ #i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider)#wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #duncan grimwater #im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us

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hauntingblue · 3 months

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Zoro with tashigi makes me so insane.... "I can't tolerate your existence" "you say all the stupid things she said"

#which btw the things kuina said were not stupid.... like that's just misogyny zoro that's just them facts.... he is just mad it is true #and like reasonably but he internalizes them still lmao #zoro is like the most misogynist feminist ally #its the i cant handle my feeling so i cant handle yours either #i won't fight you bc you're a woman but not bc i hate u is bc women are weaker than me (a man) but like respect #SHE DOES HAVE SORU. WHY NOT USE IT MORE IDK.....#nami will hit the children with the stick or what...#TASHIGI SHIGUN!!! SHIGUN!!!#AND IS THIS THE FIRST TIME A WOMAN HAS BEEN BADLY INJURED IN A FIGHT???? BC NAMI IN ARABASTA WAS THE FIRST GETTING HER FEET IMPALED BUT IT #DIDNT MATTER THAT MUCH AFTER LMAO #well at least zoro hit her lmao #this is a loss for feminism everywhere this has set women back 100 years #and all this so zoro can hit a woman. i guess that's progress but not on poor tashigi's honor and physical wellbeing lmao #did he use haki to scare her???? hello? what happened???? IN HALF???#jesus christ he couldnt have done that earlier #so no haki???#what the hell is that then #i think the problem is that zoro respected kuina bc she was better than him. and like thats his standard to respecting women....#and as he gets better it gets harder to reach lmao #zoro hates sanji so much bc deep down he is the same #... omg #also tashigi end his ass!!! wdym he lets you have the credit. cut him in half hamburger style #luffys climbing technique.... interesting to say the least...#talking tag #watching one piece #episode 613

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fly-sky-high-bug-games · 1 year

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This isn't necessary canon, the whole horn bit, but it's what made me curious

#sky rambles #i cant edit the poll so I'm throwing this here lol #it's a random thought since I find it interesting #I got attached to Tiso thanks to fan content and not the in game stuff #I rambled about it before but I feel his personality could have made him an interesting character #nothing wrong with his simple prence of 'full of himself and disregarding others and their thoughts'#who ends up the way he does in the game #but it doesn't really add anything while it felt like it should?#i guess I was personally dissatisfied #the way Cloth was handled without a lot of intrusion was much better #and I get with Tiso it could have been Cloth 2.0 if he wasn't so one sided like he is in the game #but feels off man #maybe it's just me *shug*

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themanwhowouldbefruit · 1 month

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#i truly wish my piece of shit father would die like. he went out and got some mystery flu like illness and is going around the house hacking #up shit from his throat and spitting it and blowing his nose on towels and shit and touching every surface and handle and not washing his #hands and lowkey like. me catching something like this after my surgery could get really bad really fast because of my stitches holding my #organs in and not being able to clear my lungs re:stitches and will just like drown in my sleep or whatever and i cant even bring myself to #be upset because he is an antivaxer who did this shit all pandemic long and ive just always assumed there's the possibility that i could #die just from him being the biggest most narcissistic inconsiderate piece of shit he can possibly be and like made my peace with it #like yeah i guess i might die from having a piece of shit father who dosent care if i live or die #god i wish i wasnt trapped here and could go back to my apartment but i still struggle with literally everything 😭😭😭#lowkey want to die in my sleep i hate this fucking shithole place so much

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ratvich · 3 months

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cries forever. and ever btw

#vent #IT FEELS LIKE YM BOYFRIEND HATES ME 😭😭#maybe not hate but he does not like me...#i am being annoying probably #and like #etc #all the other bad things too #im being them #sorry i love u please dont leave me :(#whyd i have to go and get attached like this cmon now i should know better...........#i guess i just really dont want him to die again LOL #and its so easy to do that if he leaves me i will be quite honest #IDKKK I CANT HANDLE THAT AGAIN #UGHHHHHHHHHH

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dockaspbrak · 6 months

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what the hell

#ok not to be rude but #i sort of cant handle the depression perhaps anymore like it is unending #i dont understand why god cant just give me theability to reanimate the dead or perhaps just do it himself #i miss the little guy i kind of dont know what to even do #i feel stupid bc i feel like its like....people dont really perhaps i just dont think people are that cool about talking abt grief #esp about pets..like #i feel silly for being so depressed but i also cant perhaps handle it #the self loathing is really hitting a peak this week idk like #where do ie ven go from here is my thought i guess i dont really want to be alive or do anything i just miss him so much #he was so sweet and small #i keep getting served videos about like senior 20 yr old cats being surrendered to shelters and like #im so mad like id do anything to have gotten 2 more years with him wht the fuck are you giving them up for #what the hell #its frustrating because ir eally dont want to be comforted or even spoken to about this im just like mad #mad and bargaining clearly i forget what stages those are #depressed yet pissed off also like what the fuck did he do to deserve this it was so fucking fast #cherish your fucking pets. treasure every fucking day #ugh #maybe ill try a different kind of eating again for awhile tbh lets see what thats like in the new context of living w regan #its hard bc its human nature to criticize and correct i think so its hard to feel like i have the space to do what i want? bc of that....#idk idk

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orcelito · 11 months

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Is going hiking with my family a cat death sentence?

I went hiking a week before Sammy died. I went hiking two weeks ago.

On the 28th, symptoms suddenly hit. 29th spent in hope. 30th they're dead

Sure are some mirrors for my boys haha

Ha

#speculation nation #animal death ment/#negative/#ykno ive thought on and off that cassy kinda looks like a washed out sammy #more round though. but a tabby through and through.#this wasnt supposed to happen for a few more years at least. i havent even had cassy for a year.#tally is going to be alone again when im at work.#im going to need to get another little plush cat. another spot taken on my memorial shelf.#going to this fucking animal hospital is just... not a great feeling huh haha #havent even put him down yet. im still in the car. but im trying to prepare myself for it.#it hasnt even been two years since sammy died...#this just... came out of nowhere... and i dont know what to do about it #cry i guess. ive already done that like 7 times lol. gonna be even more thats for sure #finding myself grateful i dont work tomorrow. even though it comes at the cost of missing the concert #but like. fuck the concert ultimately. i wouldnt have fun anyways #sucks but that's just how shit falls i guess #counting down the minutes until i lose another baby boy. i really cant handle this haha

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todayisafridaynight · 26 days

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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

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note-boom · 1 year

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It's definitely just me but for some reason the recent chapter's first coloured page gave me the same mood as the coloured page of Vol. 20 (the only one I've read asides from Vol. 1)

I mean....the decision making, the way he's torn between what to do, his insecurity about fighting by himself or choosing what to do...and also the Big Revelation he's just witnessed that he has to deal with by himself....

And he looks SO tortured in both panels? The boy man has been so conditioned into listening to others that the thought of standing by himself paralyses him...please give him a hug.