#I feel more dysphoric and part of it stems from feeling like I'm being observed again like I was as a little girl

[gxlden-angels]

Told my religious trauma coach that my gender is "a 1930's orphan boy selling newspapers" I think I might have to go back to Jesus after this one lads

#/j #We had a good talk about how christianity doesn't have genders it has jobs #And how I wanted agency but feel like I have to fully be a Man to avoid being punished by the current legislature being passed #I feel more dysphoric and part of it stems from feeling like I'm being observed again like I was as a little girl #Being told that people would be looking at my body and it was my job to make it acceptable to others #Now I'm transmasc so there's a weird pressure to become Manly Man Now or else I'll be stuck #Maybe I can relax but first I need top surgery and 3 years of T (i'm at 2.5 years and have a consultation call) #Then I can enjoy gender. Then Im free #But I can't because I'm not a man either. Ill feel better with top surgery and whatnot but I don't feel solidly male #Ill just be restraining myself and observed from the other side #Anyways I was saying I wanted my gender to be personal and abstract #but I used this phrase as an example and think this might be it I'm gonna have to give up my other 5 sessions /j #I called myself a golden retriever and a newspaper orphan boy I can never show my face again #ex christian #religious trauma