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#I called myself a golden retriever and a newspaper orphan boy I can never show my face again
gxlden-angels
·
1 year
Text
Told my religious trauma coach that my gender is "a 1930's orphan boy selling newspapers" I think I might have to go back to Jesus after this one lads
#/j
#We had a good talk about how christianity doesn't have genders it has jobs
#And how I wanted agency but feel like I have to fully be a Man to avoid being punished by the current legislature being passed
#I feel more dysphoric and part of it stems from feeling like I'm being observed again like I was as a little girl
#Being told that people would be looking at my body and it was my job to make it acceptable to others
#Now I'm transmasc so there's a weird pressure to become Manly Man Now or else I'll be stuck
#Maybe I can relax but first I need top surgery and 3 years of T (i'm at 2.5 years and have a consultation call)
#Then I can enjoy gender. Then Im free
#But I can't because I'm not a man either. Ill feel better with top surgery and whatnot but I don't feel solidly male
#Ill just be restraining myself and observed from the other side
#Anyways I was saying I wanted my gender to be personal and abstract
#but I used this phrase as an example and think this might be it I'm gonna have to give up my other 5 sessions /j
#I called myself a golden retriever and a newspaper orphan boy I can never show my face again
#ex christian
#religious trauma
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