#I always knew I had a problem.

[there-will-be-a-way]

Three days sober and the cravings are getting stronger. Out of fear of impulsively buying alcohol and downing it in a park or something, I only leave the ward together with my roommate - which shows I'm acting responsible I guess.

On the inside I've been thinking about numbing myself like half of every waking hour, though (today). Like discharging myself. Just telling them I'm fine. Nope, I don't have any thoughts about S/I anymore. You can let me go. Or contemplating what would happen if I'd really just go to the store and get fully wrecked. That would cause so much drama. 75% is very keen on not doing it. The other 25% don't care.

Right now I feel like I'll certainly relapse once I'm home. Even want to turn down their offer to take me as a patient for their day clinic (and coming up with excuses for that inside my head). And since I think I'll relapse anyway, waiting another 7-10 days until I'm discharged feels like such a long time.

But my healthy self is still here too, and this self says "Stay here for these 7-10 days. Take this time as a chance to find a reason you want to stay sober for. Talk some more. Reflect on yourself."

The problem is with self worth. I really don't think I'm worth the help and care - especially not the help and care of others. (And yes, logically I know that's not true but my emotions don't care about logic.)

[Typing this to distract myself. Only 1 hour until I can take my sleep meds and tomorrow will be a different day 🤞🏻]

#personal posts #I was honest with my doctor yesterday #and said that I couldn't go to a store rn without buying liquor #and I go to all the group therapy and other appointments #it just feels like I haven't hit rock bottom hard enough though #you know what I mean? #it's been this way with my ED and with my self harm as well #I always knew I had a problem. #and seeked help pretty early on (at least for the s/h) #but in order to develop the high amount of will power you need to stop for real #I had to sink really low #like really low #I had to be utterly frightened #drama had to happen #only then the 'click' happened #with alcohol this click hasn't happened yet and I don't know if I can do it without it #I *thought* it happened when things went out of control #but somehow it didn't scare me badly enough #maybe because my life isn't worth much to me rn #maybe I need to work on that #self worth and finding some kind of purpose #maybe tomorrow I'll text my social worker about it #because I need to trust someone in order to talk about this topic and I haven't developed that kind of trust with the staff here yet #oh well #tw addiction #tw self harm mention #tw Ed mention #tw suicidal ideation mention #and yes I know it's normal to struggle with The Urges #especially since I'm only three days sober lol

[dead-girl-tells-stories]

DC x DP Prompt

To the delight of Gotham's citizens, and the dismay of her criminal underbelly, the GCPD has a new specialized unit that ACTUALLY apprehends criminals and brings them to justice!

It's a relatively small squad of mostly young adults, who looked fresh out of their teens. But age didn't matter once they got the work done. And they did, as they've already got criminals like Penguin, Riddler, and Bane behind bars for what looks to be 'for good'.

No one besides Commissioner Gordan knows anything about the squad as they operate as a mostly separate entity from GCPD. It was rare to see any of them, and any photos taken were unusually blurry. They are also extremely secretive; if you exclude their social media which are usually just shit posts, memes, and thirst edits of the Wayne family.

They were a total mystery. Almost as mysterious as Batman.

But those who have seen/worked with the squad before all had the same thing to say about them. They were cool. They had an unusually effective method. And their leader is a menace. With his sharp teeth and pointed smile. And bright blue eyes that spoke to your soul. It was a pleasure to see/ work with him, it really was. But they weren't planning on doing so again for a long time.

That being said, Gotham had been quiet for a while. A bit too quiet if you ask anyone, especially the Bats. Strangely, it didn't feel like the usual calm before the shit storm. The instinctual pit in their guts that usually formed just wasn't there. This was different. This wasn't the calm before the storm. This was the ocean receding. But no one seemed to realize it yet.

Not until the tsunami came crashing down on them.

The GCPD special unit accounts that had been inactive for the last three months suddenly pinged to life. Everyone who followed them clicked the notification almost immediately. With this unnerving calm surrounding them, who the hell didn't want to see what batshit crazy statement they would make after three months of radio silence.

What they didn't expect, was to see a crystal-clear picture of justice finally being served.

The picture was a selfie, taken in an abandoned warehouse. In the middle of the dirty floor was the Joker. He was tied up and his head hung low. You could see how beaten he was, his clothes torn and bloody. His face paint was also coming off, revealing pale blotchy skin. Reminding everyone that, he was still human, just like the rest of them.

Behind him, all lined up with smiles on their faces, was Team Phantom. They were a bit bloody and bruised as well but overall in much better condition. They weren't wearing the normal GCPD navy blue uniform, but black and white ones. All stylized to fit the wearers taste. They all looked so young, but their eyes looked like old tired eyes, finally getting some relief.

From in the corner was their leader. Only part of his face was in the picture. One glowing blue eye, and part of his Cheshire smile. His hand making a peace sign next to the Joker. Even with only part of his being shown, everyone could tell he was relived as well.

And while the picture itself was shocking, the caption was what really got them. The top was what you would usually expect from the team. A big bold 'GOT EM' ' at the top. But at the bottom in small, almost unnoticeable text was:

"He will face his punishment. We will get our retribution. May we finally rest in peace."

#dp x dc #dpxdc #dc x dp #dcxdp #dp x dc prompt #dp dc crossover #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp prompt #danny and the gang are fragments of the souls of those the joker + the other criminals killed or got killed because of them #guess who most of danny's soul is made of #hint: he has pit rage #the joker is no longer human that's why they had a hard time cathing him #neither are the bats but neither party knew #i would like to mention that danny is tiny #he missed his growth spurt and is making it everyone's problem #danny is a tiny menace #danny sam val dash and kwan mostly work out in the feld #tucker wes and star are the guys and gal in the chair #Paulina Dan and Jazz are the lawyers who prosecute the crimanals #they always win #duh #ellie is their mascot #shes also a mencae #she sometimes go out on the felid #wearing a tutu #combat boots #and a studded leather jacket #with her hair in pig tails #she also has a spiked bat #she WILL use it

[beeduoo]

wonderful

#there is a ranboo that goes withthis but i didn't like how he was looking imma restart from scratch tmrw😭😭 #ctubbo #michael beloved #ctubbo fanart #Guys you have no idea what i went through today like it wa fucking crazy i need to share this #so i went to the mall after school right and im going home at like 8 on the train with my friend bc i was supposed to be picked up ay her #stop right but then im told to just go to my stop and take the bus and im like ok sure but the problem is my phone is on SEVEN PERCENT and w #hen i get to the stop my moms like u have money for the bus right and im like ueah and i check and i have NO MONEY #BUT I DIDNT TELL HER ANUTHING BC I DIDNT WANT HER TI GET MAD BC I KNEW SHE WOUDKNT WANT ME TO WALK ALL THE WAY HOME AT NIGHT (FOURTY BLOCKS #So im like ok im getting on the bus now my phone is on four percent i have to WALK HOME allll that way and there's this crazy ass upward hi #ll that's like ten blocks long ITS NOT EVEN THAT BAD but like my mom thinks im on the bus so im trying to speed walk as fast as i can and i #RAWDOGGED it too because MU PHONE WAS GOING TO IDE!!!! #I made it home at two percent U guys i was so proud of myself thank u for listening #IM SO MAD IT WOUKDVE BEEN OKAY IF I WASNT IN A RUSH And also if i had music uggghhh Whatever #I bought this really cute skirt at garage hold on let me find it #lexi pleated skort color Navy blue ITS SOOOO CUTE got some new leg warmers too yesss.... #I NEED TO DOWNLOAD THE TRANSIT APP i woukdve been able to attach my apple pay and buy the stupid ticket if my phonewasnnt #too dead to do al that... #Guys always make sure u carry cash with yiu goodbye

[tabithatwo]

(x)

(this is a pls stop blaming juliette lewis for nat’s arc and death post <3)

#regardless of whether you loved the death or hated it YOU CAN STOP BLAMING JULIETTE NOW OKAY?? #like even people who liked it overall but had qualms the party line is well I’m sure it was juliette leaving early so that’s why xyz #no! it was not! this was the plan <3 and idc if you hate love or nothing it I just think like making these excuses for things is weird #like do I get why some people might have assumed juliette might have left early sure yes but also idk like PEOPLE ARE FALLIBLE #showrunners are fallible! and that’s OKAY! they’re PEOPLE! and you CAN love every choice they make but jumping through hoops #to find *reasons* for the things you didn’t like is so interesting to me cause like…it’s okay!!! they can do a little thing you didn’t love! #you can even SAY you didn’t love it if you want and that’s okay too! or not! but stop blaming juliette lewis for whatever you didn’t like #also the rest of the article is an interesting read! #now I’ll do conjecture and tell you it is CONJECTURE for sure okay disclaimer #but after reading this article I think it is even possible Juliette’s anger with nats arc was partially BECAUSE she knew her death was soon #like maybe! who knows! not us! but I don’t even know how I became this hardcore juliette defender bc honestly I dosagree w her on a lot lol #but like I’ve seen people say oh she’s difficult and she made them do this and she’s a problem and she always does this #HELLO??? stop blaming women for shit baselessly?? #(if you casually wondered if maybe she wanted to leave and didn’t say it like it was fact or use it to pin blame on her for stuff… #…this isn’t directed at you) #but some people got VICIOUS #juliette lewis #natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets

[everykabuto]

#see the issue is i feel like that isnt the main problem with kabuto here lmao #I've been gone for so long but ahem. as a kabuto scholar- #i feel like kabuto's main issue is that he was forced into this position by literally every outside force around him #the leaf village tried to kill him. he had no choice but to stay with orochimaru. after orochimaru died he had -nowhere to go- #but at this point in the story kishimoto doesn't want to acknowledge the problems with ninja society that led kabuto here #and that's why this explanation falls so flat to me #the most kabuto gets is itachi saying ''well it wasn't all his fault'' but not elaborating on why #and itachi is the one that is seen as in the right for making the decision to kill his entire clan in the name of upholding the status quo #so kishimoto can't outright blame kabuto's problems on the leaf village. so instead some reasons are thrown out here #that genuinely make no sense to me #and itachi claiming kabuto reminds him of himself also doesn't make much sense to me #because itachi always came across to me as incredibly sure of himself. always knew who he was and what he needed to do #which is... the opposite of kabuto #and itachi's explanation doesn't make it make sense to me. #kabuto had an amazing arc and this little summary from itachi here just ignores all of it to make up something entirely different #just in my own opinion at least. #naruto #kabuto #kabuto yakushi #mangacap #everykabuto #fourth shinobi world war: climax #chapter 587

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Growing up Buck always got parental love and attention when he when he was injured, so when Bobby (in Buck’s eyes) rejects him after the blood clots it was yanking a rug nobody knew was there out from under him…

#buck your problems are fascinating to me #lawsuit arc you are fascinating to me #had this realization about how bucks reaction really ties into the rest of his character while i was stoned last night felt like a prophet #weed beaming information straight into my mind #anyway. #we saw him as a kid doing more and more dangerous and damaging things for that attention #like he always knew it was a finite resource #and this is the moment where he must have thought ah. its over. I’m not worth it anymore #Bobby use your words I’m begging this kid is too screwed up to interpret your behavior as care

[bonefall]

are amphibians like newts and frogs considered aquatic? i know crustaceans & mollusks would be

Yes they are! Generally, the more time it spends on land, the closer it will be to 5 calories than 4. The estimate was actually based on frogs and tadpoles, I had to make an educated guess.

My best source was a feeding chart from a reptile food website which sells whole small prey for consumption by snakes. It perfectly lists out the values of dozens of small animals, but no fish. So I took a note of the 4 calorie estimate, observed that an adult frog increases in calories compared to tadpoles (bucking the trend with the others on the list where younger animals are worth more caloric value) and went on to do more research

I couldn't find a source that broke down WHOLE prey caloric value like the chart, so I ended up comparing caloric value between rabbit fillets, chicken fillets, and fish fillets on human-centric nutrition websites. My hypothesis was mostly consistent, even with more species added. Fish (perch, flounder, pike) < Wild Mammal (rabbit, squirrel) < Poultry (chicken, turkey, quail). There was overlap between "classes", certain fish getting over the 100 hump, but generally there was a trend I boiled down into 4/5/6

This is consistent with how a lot of fish meat is actually water. In fact, cats quench a lot of their thirst from the food they eat. I also learned some very interesting stuff about the fat distribution in fish which is going to blow a bit of a hole in some of my Clan culture stuff lmaoooo, but I'll furiously swim across that obliterated bridge when I get there

But funfact! Fish oil is rendered fish fats and it is the form that unsaturated fat takes, whereas lard is what saturated fats become. I need to do more research into this topic to understand what kind of difference it would make in a wild cat's diet.

There was one big bucked trend though: salmonid meat was WAAAAY higher in fat and calories. Like, absurdly high. Like 150 cal trout fillet vs 110 cal of rabbit fillet vs 88 cal of perch fillet.

I do not know why that is. My guess is that maybe it's because they were taking the number from farmed salmonids? Maybe it's because they're particularly fatty fish? Perhaps this is just the raw power of salmon slammin'.

Anyway, at one point I was trying to estimate exact caloric value per popular prey species, but decided I didn't have the "backing" to get so exact with the numbers since I was doing estimates with the fish. I'll do the work if it comes down to it, but for now, 4/5/6 is a quick, easy guideline you can use for just about any WC project.

#I was planning for Bb!RiverClan to be the guys who didn't cook much #Being quite snooty about it and insisting it's good for you #But it turns out they're actually at the highest risk of getting worms for that #Maybe I'll keep it for the irony because that sounds VERY funny #Cleric in the corner SOBBING because Waterpool just caught tapeworms for the 4th time #Willowpelt over in TC like ''I ALWAYS KNEW THEIR GLOSSY COATS WERE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!'' #No wonder her daughter Sorrel has a thing about worms lmaoo #I need to do more research but what I've come across here is that. Like. Actually? #A fish-only diet might cause a lot of really specific and pretty serious problems in RC #Another is that fish have so many micronutrients that some of the sites I visited were warning about some of those 'overdose' side effects. #The carp example was just the most interesting #I guess I had been assuming a lot based on the conception of fish as being 'the healthy meat' #Clan culture #Nutrition guide #Bone babble

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[sysig]

Strictly professional showering (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Alphys #Gaster #''Do Monsters even have showers-'' shhhhhh. Let me have this #Lol #And to think I made this because I Actually wanted to draw him miserably taking a shower! #Probably unsurprising but this was a shower thought lol #I knew as soon as I started thinking about the differences in Snowdin vs. Hotland's temperatures and what that might do to the water- #It was too late! I had to make something about it all my doodles are secretly just a way to smuggle unrelated headcanons out lol #Pipes bursting in Snowdin probably would be a problem for at least like kitchen sinks :0 Need reinforced cold-proof pipes haha #I haven't gotten to Hotland in my current playthrough but there was also the water cooler wasn't there! #Only Waterfall convenient to take showers in lol #ANYway so distractable lol #Gaster doesn't feel even a little bad asking favours lol casually waves it away as ''It needs to be done so it's fine'' #Aren't you worried about being an inconvenience! No he's not lol #And obviously Alphys doesn't mind hehe ♪ #Alphys is the best because basically no matter where you drop it in the timeline she's always going to be awkward and thirsty lol #They've known each other for a few months? They've known each other for a few years? Alphys will still swing-and-a-miss lol #She's really cute heck I gotta practice her more ♫ Curves! Love drawing curves #Really what were you expecting - why would he come out before he's dressed? This isn't his house it's not like he can just wander around #He brought everything in with him that he needed! Silly #If skeletons are fluffy do you suppose they shed? Would she find skeleton fuzz on one of her towels?

[themoonking]

im all for making fun of and criticizing the way booktok (and booktube) aestheticize reading to an insane degree, making it more about being percieved as a reader more than like. actually reading. but some people on here lump the most normal things ever into the booktok consumerism pile?

like yes, booktok/tube places a lot of emphasis on the visuals of "reading", but then someone on here just went and said that simply "not wanting to damage your books" is a stupid booktok thing??? what? it's not vain or pretentious to care about your posessions, especially if they mean a lot to you. simply wanting your books to remain in good condition is not the same as having 100 unread books, or five editions of the same book, or books you hated, purely because they look nice.

and someone else said that having a yearly reading goal was also a stupid booktok/tube thing? since when? i've met people who set themselves yearly reading goals before youtube even existed. it's literally just a new years resolution, but tailored to a specific hobby?

#anti booktok #kinda went off in the tags lmao #like if you don't care about your books being a bit beat up and worn all power to you but its just insane to me #to say that NOT wanting your books to get worn means that you don't really care about reading?? what? #like for some people their most worn books are their most loved #but before i really got into reading if i had a beat up book its because i did not fucking care about it #and wouldn't bother if it got gnawed on by my dog or if it fell off the table into water #it's almost like we're all different and show our love and care for things in different ways? #'taking care of your things is stupid' is not the hot take you think it is bestie #and this person said in their post 'well i was always taught-' yea YOU were always taught #some people didn't grow up that way and weren't taught that idiot #similarly having special editions isn't the problem it's the overemphasis on having special editions #of books you didn't even enjoy #purely for the clout and the status that comes with owning a lot of special editions #wanting a pretty bookshelf isn't the problem you know some people just like it when their space is nice who knew #its when the bookshelf LOOKING nice supersedes literally anything else #like it doesn't matter if you enjoyed the book or if you read the book it just matters that it looks really nice on the shelf #something something nuance #vagueposting

[seapiglet]

The only way I would've accepted seeing pre-fall Crowley and Aziraphale together is if they were like in the Heaven cafeteria, Crowley complaining to a celestial dinnerlady that the lunch options all look bad ("the food hadn't been that good lately"), while Aziraphale walks by in the other direction, needlessly worrying about something. Neither notices the other. They were this close and yet!

Perhaps Aziraphale and another angel are even discussing some rumour about angels starting to ask questions of The Almighty and expresses concern.

Keep in the "how much trouble can I get into for asking a few questions?" or whatever from Crowley but have it be with the disgruntled dinnerlady or one of Lucifer's crew he was presumably hanging out with. Show one of these soon-to-be-cast-out angels casually mentioning to him that they're thinking of bringing up a few of their concerns to "the boss" and would he be interested? It's worth a shot after all. What harm could it to?

Just anything to make it less fucking needlessly dramatic and serious.

#good omens critical #keep it light and comedic!!!! #let crowley be a bit snakey and a bit of a rude shit #he fell in with the wrong crowd fucked around and found out #he doesn't HATE hate his job he just doesn't like acting with his hellish superiors and 2 particularly nasty coworkers #and canonically believes humans can be mucj worse than demons anyway due to our imaginative abilities #and if neil still needed crowley to seem more fundamentally Good as a character then have the other angel(s) manipulate him a little #“mate you're not like these other drones - you're a free thinker! you've got tons of great ideas!” #“you're popular with Them Upstairs - They respect your vision. come with us and we can actually make some inprovements around here” #could've even had pre-fall furfur or shax or those demons with the horn hair whose name I can never remember having around in the scene #establish that they'd Always Been There #and providing a little visual gag #I knew we had a problem as soon as crowley described himself as saunterinf vaguely downwards in s1 #because then it became subjective #rather than an objective description of the character given by the authors #it was now crowley's chosen narrative about his fall #and then we got him angsting in his apartment #and crying in the pub #and it was like 'oh for this crowley its just a story hes constructed about himself to put up a protective wall amount his Big Emotions' #and I did not care for it!!!! #etc

[fluffypotatey]

In a more humorous light, I could see macaque memories downplaying how big of a simp he was. He cared about wukong, had a small crush maybe, but even younger him was smarter than that!

the denial would run sO deep lmao 😂

“yeah, sure, i had enjoyed eating peaches with him but not everyday, nor would i even consider smushing you his cheeks to kiss him because i wasn’t an idiot!”

he was, in fact, an idiot. and past him had many dreams of eating peaches with him everyday and cuddling whenever Wukong was not at Flower Fruit Mountain

#Current Macky to MK: i always knew Wukong was bad for me…..i just thought maybe he actually cared #Narrator: if Macaroni ever believed Wukong was bad for him it would be bc Macaroon was down so bad for swk & knew he had a problem #lmk #shadowpeach #asks #this i think will be the only thing Peng and i will agree on

[heartsburst]

WHY MUST I ALWAYS GET INTO THE SADDEST FUCKING SHIPS WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF

#frankie yells #like fucking. sure any ship can be made sad if you try harder enough but also. fucking. why must it always be tragic little gays #im not complaining but also i keep fucking doing this to myself man why do i keep making myself sad over fictional gays 😭😭 #like do i just only interact with the shit that makes me sad??? do i only really get engaged with sad fics etc. for them???? #is this a me problem???? #like. um. griddlehark. destiel. hannigram (sort of). ash/eiji. satosugu. aziracrow. zukka (in certain directions). shory. aaronneil. #most of my ao3 bookmarks are me sobbing my eyes out... #OH WAIT ALSO FUCKING. REDDIE 😭😭😭😭😭 I KNEW I WAS FORGETTING SOME BUT OMG REDDIEEEE #me like what if none of the mfs had a happy ending together? what then? #like babygirl are you okay??? why do you always want to be so sad?? #oh god also fucking [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]... both of which i had to stop reading fics for bc i was making myself too sad #like genuinely there is a certain very long fic that i had to put down bc i was making myself depressed #OHMYGOD I FORGOT WANGXIAN AND BINGQIU.... honestly mdzs and svsss in general... kicking my feet 1 moment and sobbing the next #there are sooo many ships in both of those that make me so very sad... too many to remember or list atm tbh #i should go to bed 💀 lmao #it's too late for this nonsense ans i shouldn't have been watching destiel and hannigram compilations in the first place... of course im #just making myself sad...

[smallishdoggo]

The idea that Dancer didn't and couldn't have known that FCG was a person, and is thus absolved of any responsibility for treating them like an object comes up every once in a while, and, like. Folks. She knew FCG had enough capacity for thought to be worth lying to. She lied to him about having made him. She cannot have considered them basically a toaster. Like, are we imagining that Dancer is out here lying to Pussy the Second to make herself seem smarter?

She bought FCG and restored them, and knew from that restoration that a lot of the technology behind FCG was beyond her understanding. She knew FCG could talk and reason, which is something no automaton we've ever encountered is capable of (excluding aeormatons). She spent four years with him, watching him be very very noticeably different than other automatons. She didn't need to know that he was an aeormaton or what aeormatons were historically capable of; she had all the evidence she needed to understand FCG as a person, and she just didn't.

Like, I can fully believe that she understood all that, that FCG has the capacity to think and feel on some level, and just decided that none of that made them a person. Cause that's the way FCG has thought about themself since their introduction. They think, they feel, they want things, just not how a person would. Not important, not weighty enough to matter.

And I think that matters when thinking about her! Specifically when thinking about her relationship to FCG. Dancer fucked them up! She raised them, he didn't know any other life than the one she built for him till murderbot mode. And I do think she has some responsibility for that. I don't think you can just say that she didn't know any better. She knew a lot! And she could have sought out more information on ancient automatons and their capacities. And she didn't! She knew enough to know she didn't understand FCG and how they worked, and she just. Decided not to do anything about that. She just decided that the thinking feeling robot that she bought should just be a thing that she owns and makes use of, and who cares where it came from or what it might do in the future.

I don't think she's a monster or anything, but it's wild how allergic this fandom is to considering her to have profoundly hurt the person she BOUGHT AND OWNED. Particularly given how gung ho this fandom tends to be about characters having the right to enact bloody vengeance on anyone who has ever made them feel bad.

#i know some people have argued that Dancer didn't lie #and that FCG just assumed that she made him #and Dancer just didn't tell them that they were wrong or anything for ??? reasons #but that's fucking stupid #so I'm gonna assume it's not true until told otherwise #and it will be fucking stupid if it is true #Sam didn't come up with the 'dancer didn't actually make you' twist #Matt did #and can you imagine your DM just saying 'hey guess what this character in your backstory was totally unlike how you wrote them' #'i have not re-contextualized things and added elements that put a new spin on what you thought you knew' #'i have simply decided that your character always had access to this information and just didn't ask' #every explanation that I've read for how Dancer could not be responsible in some way for FCG's worldview is just #'Have you considered that Matt might be a shitty DM?' #and i have considered that #and i don't have any problem saying that something Matt wrote is shitty #maybe he did maybe he didn't #doesn't matter to me

[nkogneatho]

my mommy issues making my guts knot when the older woman i look upto in my life tells me she's disappointed in me

#i just realized i always seek her validation since i felt like she guided me a lot BUT BRO #when she ignored me and told me “i am disappointed that you didn't show up” BRO I FELT LIKE THROWING UP #you knew my issues i had a problem but when i saw her face ughhhhh #pasi.txt

[dirt-str1der]

Thinking nonstop and reflecting on my past and the people i have talked with whom i now hate. Badly

#Listen to my problems #this is a vent post -> #i cannot believe she had the gall to text me out of nowhere and then delete her text like girl now i am thinking of how much i dislike you #and how worthless you are. like ok. at least you knew to go away #like somewhere out there im certain you will be someones favourite person but i wish you were dead #theres always a word i use when talking about my least favourite person and it is worthless #crazy how a person in real life can have 0 redeeming qualities and not just negative rizz but also be pathetic beyond measure #do you ever think of people you talk to because of circumstance and you get kind of close and you have way more contact than you would like #and you end up hating them so much because you were kind of close. like yeah if we met in passing i would not have despised you #but now i know how its like to be your friend and it is the worst experience of my life #like if we really hadnt talked. if we hadnt shared minimum 2 interests that was a gateway to me learning about the rest of you that is #completely terrible. AND liking the things i like and making it bad is like 😟 how can you like this piece of media if you like it shittily #how do you like the same things as me but in a way completely divorced from the thing itself my god you dont even deserve to be gutted #i understand exile as a punishment now. like no way im using up my state’s resources and facilities for you just get out of here