smallishdoggo

[smallishdoggo]

extremely fond of human!fcg via reincarnate aus so i took it a step further and drew letters as different 5e races :]

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Honestly I don't think I'm qualified to make this post, I just don't know if I can make coherent enough words man. But the thoughts are in there and I will try to articulate them. This is probably going to be mostly images though. anyway yeah KABRU POST.

A couple nights ago (at approximately 2:30am, lasting a little over half an hour) I had a bit of a moment about Kabru. That, too, was mostly images- most of what you see in this more concise post were presented then as well. I think my main points of the "moment" were about Kabru's trauma + self hatred, his autism and/or general otherness, and also a little labru if you'd like..

I think something easy to start with is I wanna point out Kabru's constant back and forth and conflicting opinions of demihumans and how, I believe, thats a reflection of how he goes back and forth on what he believes his purpose of living is- and the general worth of his own life. I've said it before and i've just kinda shown it in images; Kabru is "i think im a monster and it disgusts me" where Laios is "I know im a human and it disgusts me" (i could go more into the latter on another post)

the above are both from the world bible, with the left being from the section on kobolds and the right being from the section on Kuro specifically. Utaya was very near to the desert where most of the kobold population is, this is likely why Kabru is able to speak Kuro's language- he grew up around demihumans. (chapter 48 cover, kobold chapter in the world bible) I won't try to speak for how his mother or the rest of utaya felt about the kobolds but I can say that Kabru was very much othered as a child, as was his mother, purely for the way her son's (kabru) eyes looked.

I feel like its fair enough to say that both kabru and the kobolds were othered, and possibly for similar reasons (villager's seeing them as nonhuman, as monsters) and the fact that Kabru learned their language probably didn't help his case. I think his perception of kobolds (and all demihumans, subsequently himself, as he probably still views himself as nonhuman or not human enough.. deep down) was damaged by the Utaya incident. at 2:30am when I first started this ramble my main comment was that "had the utaya incident not happened kabru would have little reason to feel ashamed for his connection to monsters. and may have ended up similar to laios in that he couldve had otherkin swag" which is just a sort of silly way of saying Kabru could've learned to love the thought that he is possibly nonhuman or at least not hated himself so much for it.

in the original ramble I said, and quote, "he has been STALKING laios. laios is his hyperfixation to learn how he can ever be loved. he keeps going back and forth so harshly on wether or not he wants to kill Laios and he clearly sees his survival from utaya not as an unfortunate trauma [*] but as a necessary, deserved fate. a punishment for his mother's witchy sins, and for his sin of being non-human. to atone for it all, to apologize for being alive, he tries to better the lives of all humanity. He was set on his way to dethrone the governor of the island . do you understand? im going insane" *i also said somethings about the way he processes other people's traumas and not his own. He's able to understand and even help some people, but he struggles to process his own issues and see himself as worthy of love and life.

^some examples of Kabru being understanding of or helping others who have suffered greatly. I think its also worth mentioning that with Rin (called "Lynn" in that translation) he says "I wish there was a way to get her out of this" though he's insisted and pushed for himself to go into a dungeon;

In chapter 94, Mithrun says "The desire I had left wasn't revenge. All I wanted.. was for it to finish devouring me." and I don't feel like it's a stretch to say Kabru was in a similar situation. Mithrun sought out the demon with no plan on how to kill something like that because deep down he wanted it to end his (Mithrun's) own life, to finish the trauma it caused and kill him. I think Kabru went into the dungeon in part with the hopes that it'd kill him. That the same thing that destroyed Utaya and caused him so much trauma would just.. finish him.

I just think Kabru is a beautifully complex character, I have a lotta thoughts on him and I don't see nearly as many analysis posts for him than I do Laios (despite labru being such a popular ship)

there is no tldr for this post idk how to summarize it. do what you will with this collection of images. have fun. go crazy

fun fact the woman in the bottom left corner is his mother, she is labeled here as "witch"

[smallishdoggo]

She’s so 🥰✨😍😍💫✨💫💕✨

This really tested my ability to draw the inside of cars

[smallishdoggo]

its fun to experiment different emotions for FCG!

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The first time FCG cast Turn Undead (I think every this campaign), they didn't know it would effect Laudna, and they apologized after, and Laudna said "it's good". People collectively decided that he didn't acknowledge her, because this fandom loves ignoring canon for the sake of cheap angst. (Episode 69, timestamp 3:49:20)

The second time they cast it, they didn't acknowledge her after, and that was a dick move, but people immediately divorced it from all context, namely that they got crit the round prior, were down a lot of HP, and were surrounded by undead enemies who were actively killing him. Not being entirely polite and deferential to Laudna in that situation is entirely reasonable and understandable if you are not utterly incapable of empathizing with them.

The third time, and this is the one that REALLY gets me, the third time, HE LITERALLY ASKED IF HE SHOULD CAST TURN UNDEAD AND LAUDNA TELLS HIM TO DO IT. I am grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you until your head pops off and rolls under the couch. LAUDNA TOLD THEM TO CAST IT. They asked, she determined they were undead, and told him to cast it. (https://www.kryogenix.org/crsearch/html/cr3-74.html#l1h16m9s)

#not tagging this because i dunno #i feel like people are really attached to this one and i don't wanna fight #i think people blow this shit way out of proportion #and i just don't think at this point Laudna feels as hurt by turn undead as people want her to feel #she let FCG come into her dreams immediately after the undead pirate fight #which is the incident where FCG actually did something uncool (not apologizing after) #unlike the other two where they did absolutely nothing wrong #she didn't have to let them do that if she felt any sort of mistrust or resentment #and she didn't seem to feel that! #she hasn't really done anything with the whole 'the gods hate me' thing after the one time she said it in canon #maybe because she immediately parlayed with an undead pirate whose godly patron turned him undead because he wanted to be undead #that mighta been a little 'oh i guess at least one good is cool with the undead' #or Marisha just decided to drop that thread #i dunno #it happens #i think it's not gonna be a point of contention between them #i just think people want stuff out of this that they're maybe not gonna get #and it's making them warp reality a little #pretend that shit didn't happen like it actually did #that Laudna literally actually told FCG to cast it that one time and everyone immediately decided that NO he did it TO HER AGAINST HER WILL #hate it.

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any CR fans in the house?

[smallishdoggo]

"you gave me a shot at livin' and.. that's somethin' I'll be grateful for forever"

[...]

"if our paths cross again, well, that'll be special, but thank you for sending me on the path"

(textless vers + bonus dancer drawing below the cut)

[smallishdoggo]

i'm really sick of being angry about things that don't matter.

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People sometimes interpret FCG as a "zealot" or wholeheartedly and unquestioningly devoted to the Changebringer, and I need you all to understand that you're wrong about that.

There is a disconnect between how FCG presents their faith to their friends ("see, the gods are good! they can help!!") and how they talk to the Changebringer herself. The very first thing they asked her in their first commune was "are you real? are you watching me?" after having spent weeks assuring their friends that flipping the coin was them making direct contact with the Changebringer. And then, them asking her if the gods can actually help and if they're worth saving. They plainly are not as sure in their devotion as they present themself. He understands that he's new to this and doesn't know a lot of things. They just aren't willing to admit any doubt to their friends.

Friends who have never been enthusiastic about their attempts at faith, from the start (episode 38, for reference). Friends who often bring up an antipathy for the gods in the context of maybe letting them all be murdered. Friends who tend to have a sort of eye-rolling disdain for FCG and their beliefs.

#fcg #cr

[smallishdoggo]

The group went on a spirit journey to a pocket dimension to rescue Laudna's soul from Delilah so she could be resurrected. Can we stop pretending like FCG might believe Laudna doesn't have a soul.

Like, the reason people are making this shit up is to explain why FCG treats Laudna so much worse than he treats the other party members, and the problem with that is that, uh, they don't. They aren't more snide or pointed with her than other characters, and they make the average amount of jokes about her being undead for this group. Hell, the tone of those jokes is always so matter of fact. Like, FCG will point out parts of her body falling off in a way that's played for laughs, but the in character tone is, "oops, let me get that for you friend!"

FCG is more snide to Chetney than he is to anyone else, and it's not for any principled in character reason. It's cause Sam likes teasing Travis. And Marisha, too, so.

Sometimes the fandom latches on to stuff that just isn't that serious to the cast, and then you'll work yourselves up into a lather over something that's never going to get any payoff. I really do feel like the most important skill this fandom needs to develop is just understanding that the things you think are important in the narrative might not matter that much at all the the people telling the story.

#cr discourse #not touching the 'casting turn undead is disrespectful to laudna' stuff #cause it's stupid

[smallishdoggo]

some of y’all watching critical role have never played d&d and it shows… even in the show, plenty of times, they use AOE spells that negatively affect their friends. and y’all are asking FCG to not use an intrinsic part of their character class because it’s disrespectful to laudna????? there is never a fear that he could destroy her using that. her level is always going to be higher than what FCG can destroy. there are mechanics in this game and sometimes they exist completely outside of character choices and that is okay

#some of you literally want FCG to just stand there and politely be murdered rather than temporarily inconvenience your blorbo #it is not surprising to me how immediately casting turn undead while surrounded by enemies that had already done massive damage to them #became 'look at what FCG did to Laudna!!!!' #and fcg doesn't have a history of being mean to laudna #sam has a history of teasing marisha #and literally everyone at the table sometimes jokes about laudna being dead #in the same way every character jokes about fcg being a machine #this is a dumbshit nothing drama

[smallishdoggo]

I’m sorry but people who want VM to fight or kill the Raven Queen to “take Vax back” and “rescue bird boy” don’t understand Vax’s character or story on such a fundamental level that it’s embarrassing

[smallishdoggo]

The idea that Dancer didn't and couldn't have known that FCG was a person, and is thus absolved of any responsibility for treating them like an object comes up every once in a while, and, like. Folks. She knew FCG had enough capacity for thought to be worth lying to. She lied to him about having made him. She cannot have considered them basically a toaster. Like, are we imagining that Dancer is out here lying to Pussy the Second to make herself seem smarter?

She bought FCG and restored them, and knew from that restoration that a lot of the technology behind FCG was beyond her understanding. She knew FCG could talk and reason, which is something no automaton we've ever encountered is capable of (excluding aeormatons). She spent four years with him, watching him be very very noticeably different than other automatons. She didn't need to know that he was an aeormaton or what aeormatons were historically capable of; she had all the evidence she needed to understand FCG as a person, and she just didn't.

Like, I can fully believe that she understood all that, that FCG has the capacity to think and feel on some level, and just decided that none of that made them a person. Cause that's the way FCG has thought about themself since their introduction. They think, they feel, they want things, just not how a person would. Not important, not weighty enough to matter.

And I think that matters when thinking about her! Specifically when thinking about her relationship to FCG. Dancer fucked them up! She raised them, he didn't know any other life than the one she built for him till murderbot mode. And I do think she has some responsibility for that. I don't think you can just say that she didn't know any better. She knew a lot! And she could have sought out more information on ancient automatons and their capacities. And she didn't! She knew enough to know she didn't understand FCG and how they worked, and she just. Decided not to do anything about that. She just decided that the thinking feeling robot that she bought should just be a thing that she owns and makes use of, and who cares where it came from or what it might do in the future.

I don't think she's a monster or anything, but it's wild how allergic this fandom is to considering her to have profoundly hurt the person she BOUGHT AND OWNED. Particularly given how gung ho this fandom tends to be about characters having the right to enact bloody vengeance on anyone who has ever made them feel bad.

#i know some people have argued that Dancer didn't lie #and that FCG just assumed that she made him #and Dancer just didn't tell them that they were wrong or anything for ??? reasons #but that's fucking stupid #so I'm gonna assume it's not true until told otherwise #and it will be fucking stupid if it is true #Sam didn't come up with the 'dancer didn't actually make you' twist #Matt did #and can you imagine your DM just saying 'hey guess what this character in your backstory was totally unlike how you wrote them' #'i have not re-contextualized things and added elements that put a new spin on what you thought you knew' #'i have simply decided that your character always had access to this information and just didn't ask' #every explanation that I've read for how Dancer could not be responsible in some way for FCG's worldview is just #'Have you considered that Matt might be a shitty DM?' #and i have considered that #and i don't have any problem saying that something Matt wrote is shitty #maybe he did maybe he didn't #doesn't matter to me

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[smallishdoggo]

Genuinely curious, what are your thoughts on Dancer and FCG cuz like, he Literally, not figuratively, tried to kill her and did kill all of her companions at the time. I can see being critical cuz she doesn't seem to treat them like sentient beings, but even in the canon... most of the automatons aren't. Just some of the really old ones from Aeor/other old cities, right? So? She got a whoops!sentient microwave, treated them like a microwave, they killed all her friends and almost her and she's supposed to....? Be good buds with them? Also I know it's said that she trauma dumped on FCG, but let's switch it from microwave to personal journal - how would YOU feel if your personal journal popped to life and attacked you for trauma dumping? IDK haha I guess Idk you opinions and I'm just responding to my projected assumptions of your opinion. REALLY I'd 100% sincerely would like to hear your thoughts. I was really bothered by FCG pushing to meet with Dancer. Like jeez just leave her alone, you're her literal sleep paralysis demon, read the room.

Hey! Thanks for the ask, I put this a little bit in the tags but I can elaborate more here. (Edit: elaborate A LOT MORE it seems)

So here goes, I don’t know if you meant it this way but the analogy of a journal or microwave is helpful here because that’s exactly how Dancer treated FCG - as a tool to be used. But they *aren’t*. FCG is a whole being with emotions and thoughts all of which are apparent and so clearly distinct from other automatons.

So tbh, I think the perspective of “whoops! Sentient bot” makes sense for like a month, max. Not years. After all, we have seen NPC after NPC recognize FCG is a sentient being almost immediately after meeting him. I find it VERY hard to believe that Dancer never realized it herself.

Additionally, we need to step out of the plot itself and look at FCG’s mechanics. We know that every time he heals, takes damage for someone else, etc. he takes stress points, and that once past a certain threshold his switch flips and he goes full Murderbot.

We also know that rest and recovery are what reduces FCG’s stress points. So that tells us that Dancer was using and using and using FCG and not letting him rest (enough? At all?) even though he needed it. Because again he’s a person not a tool.

Even when they met back up recently and FCG sobered her up she remarked how she missed him doing that for her. And while I don’t expect her to miss him, I do think it’s indicative of her interest in him never being about him as a person but only how he could serve her.

And if we want to criticize FCG for his lack of boundaries, inability to take no for an answer and pathological need to fix Dancer sure that’s fair. He needs to unlearn a lot of that and quick. But we then have to ask ourselves where did those traits come from? They didn’t come from nowhere.

FCG is mentally extremely YOUNG. Aside from the 6?-ish Months spent with Ashton all he remembers is his time with Dancer. So, if FCG has a pathological need to fix others, to help them, and feels worthless if he’s unable to do so - that comes from how Dancer treated and trained him.

That doesn’t just go away; ESPECIALLY not when FCG doesn’t even remember going postal and doesn’t see to have the (IMO) most clear and realistic view of his and Dancer’s relationship.

After all look how he interacts with the Changebringer. She’s his surrogate Mom/Dancer. He needs someone to tell him how to feel, think, and what’s Good and Bad because he doesn’t know how to do it for himself - because he wasn’t *taught* to.

But here’s my real question. What do we call one person keeping another person in service to them, with no compensation or personhood to be had, and with no intentions of releasing that person from that service? That’s slavery my dude. AT BEST indentured servitude.

(but that implies there’s a debt. What debt? Waking him up? He didn’t ask for that; that was her choice.

And again this sounds a lot like children being “indebted” to parents for giving them life, housing, feeding, etc. )

That’s the part I can’t get over. And that’s the part I can’t get behind where FCG is the abusive one. The power differential was NEVER in FCG’s court; he never once thought of himself as a person or as anything but in service of “Soul Touched”. That complete sacrifice of yourself and your needs (or an inability to even know you HAVE needs) comes from being in relationships where those things are expected/demanded.

So, yeah, he literally tried to kill her, and I gotta be real I’m not surprised. Even children of abusive parents who they love snap sometimes. Because again, that’s mentally what he was at the time. A child.

But even then, no I don’t think it’s unreasonable or unrealistic for Dancer to be traumatized or not want to see FCG again. I don’t even think she’s wrong to say “I can’t give you closure” because closure isn’t something other people give you.

But the way she’s been discussed to be largely clueless about his sentience, blameless in his blow up, and FCG’s victim? I just can’t get behind that. Like at all.

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Truly it is just, Relven getting painted as an abuser, and all the vitriol getting directed at Birdie and Ollie. It’s Matt having Birdie apologize even when she hadn’t really done anything wrong, and not get angry or unhappy about stuff like Ashton straight up assaulting her for being a parent and in the room while Yu was doing their thing.

I really don’t wanna center my blorbo’s feelings to the exclusion of everyone else, but this fandom makes me so defensive. It feels like people can’t be asked to consider FCG’s feelings at all most of the time. Bluh. I’m just tired.

I think in theory the idea that Dancer doesn't owe FCG anything is whatever, it makes sense, I think Dancer has the right to be traumatized and set boundaries, but also. She bought and owned FCG. And I know people are weird about this, and about the fact that FCG is stubborn sometimes, but Dancer simply cannot have treated them well. Either she knowingly bought a person and kept that knowledge from them, or she didn't know, in which case she would have treated them like than a person because what else was she gonna do? She can't not have harmed them in some way.

And in that context, yeah, I kinda do think Dancer owes them something. Not the patience she's shown, not the helping them and the Hells, but some acknowledgement of at least FCG's personhood.

[smallishdoggo]

I have been trying to be less negative, and just put more positive shit out in the fandom about this character I like quite a bit instead of being so defensive, but dang. It's a real challenge.