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serahsanguine · 4 years

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Christmas on The Run

Rating; Nc-17

For The Secret Santa Christmas Exchange. for Laia aka @AweburnPhoenix

#XFSecretSanta2019 Ao3

Prompt; M&S Xmas after her abduction OR M&S first Xmas together on the run (sharing memories of their childhood, maybe?) I'd love to see some Hanukkah included somehow.

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Notes; I did extensive research on the Jewish side of this fic, I do apologise if the hymn is wrong. Also a massive thank you to @graciedane for Beta reading for me.

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Christmas On The Run.

Early December

This was their first Christmas on the run, they were stopping in a cabin over the Kicking Horse Kabins just over the Canadian border on the outskirts of British Columbia. Mulder had a very, very old college friend who owned a cabin up here and knew he would be spending the holidays with his family back in Britain. They were safe for a little while, so they made the place feel like home. They had placed a 5ft tree in the corner of the room, with ornaments, lights the whole shabang. Twinkling light shattering the walls.

The Christmas music was on low in the background as Mulder was placing the stockings on the mantelpiece making sure the embers would not set them alight. He was placing the last stocking when Scully walked up behind him wrapping her arms around his waist, her head softly placed on his winter jumper.

“Are you celebrating Hanukkah this year?” she asked in a soft voice.

“I wasn’t planning too, why?”

Mulder turned around to let the warmth of the fire engulf them both but she let go intending on walking off.

“I…. Just …. Never mind Mulder it doesn’t matter”

He grabbed her arm and pulled her to him holding her close.

“Do you want to celebrate it with me?” he placed his finger underneath his chin lifting her face up to his so they could look each other in the eyes. His hazel eyes burning holes into her crystal blue ones.

“No, it doesn’t matter” she felt a single tear prickle the back of her eyelids. She didn’t want to tell him how she wanted to celebrate it with him because it would be there the first one together as a couple. The first time they were together he was abducted, the second time she wanted to celebrate he had to run to keep her and William safe. She looked away and tried not to let the cold tear fall down her warm cheek.

“You promised no more lies, we tell the truth and speak our feelings.”

She turned to look at him again her hand reaching around to the back of his neck and her fingers sliding through his soft hair. It was a bit longer now than she was used to.

“It would be our first one together Mulder, every time we have tried something has happened, I want you to know that I respect your faith as much as you do mine.”

“Ok then we celebrate it together it’s a little later this year, and it begins on the 22nd.”

“What do you expect when Christmas day is on a Wednesday this year?”

They made them both giggle. she snuggled in his chest. his body wash invading her senses his soft jumper frizzling against her skin. They swayed to Band Aid 1984 reduction of Do They Know It's Christmas.

The song had ended and Scully stood in front over the mantle noticing there were 4 stockings and not two. And that’s when the tears were no longer held back and she let the free fall.

“There are four but….”

“Emily even though she was not with us for long will always be ours. She lives through our hearts and be with us always. And one is for Will because even though he may not be here right now, again he will always be loved and he will never be forgotten.”

She looked at him with sadness and joy she placed her lips on to his and whispered, “I love you,” to which he replied ‘I know, and I love you to the moon and back.”

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Night of Sunday 22nd December.

Mulder had gone down to the ‘Local Store’ which in reality wasn’t that local at all. 30 minutes by car, down the mountain. He bought a new Menorah and 9 different candles each representing the miracle that a one-day supply of oil lasted for eight days. Scully laughed that the candles were all different colours his simple reply was the shop only had rainbow colours.

“Scully, what is that amazing smell?”

“Potato latkes.” He picked one up and it was still extremely hot. “That’s what you get for touching too early.” he stuck his tongue out at her and scrunched up his face. He blew it hard and she smiled.

“When did you learn to make them?” he said finishing his mouthful.

“When you were on the run, me and mom practised and I mastered the technique. I think mom was just trying to keep my mind occupied”

He felt her sorrow for the missing time they had spent apart, he knew it well as he had the matching feelings.

“It’s nearly time Scully.”

“It’s 8 o’clock already”

He nodded

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she was unsure of his answer even though they had bought and baked everything for the occasion.

“Yes for me, for you, for us.”

The room was dark the crackle of the fire roaring and burning in the background. The snow falling outside the cabin windows. The wind slightly rattling the window and echoing around the room. Mulder found the lighter and placed the first candle in the menorah and lit it and recited the first blessing.

“ Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-nai E-lo-he-nu Me-lech ha-olam a-sher ki-de-sha-nu be-mitz-vo-tav ve-tzi-va-nu le-had-lik ner ha-nu-kah.”

“In English, Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us to kindle the Hanukkah light.”

They both stood there in silence watching a flicker of the flame bouncing from left to right after 5 minutes Scully finally spoke.

“The prayer was beautiful,” she said calmly.

“I just hope I said it right it’s been a while,” he replied truthfully.

“Even if you didn’t it sounded ok, plus there is always time to practice,” she said lightheartedly.

“Yes I suppose there is,” he laughed and she joined in. she wrapped his arms around his waist her head snuggled into his chest.

“I love you, Mulder,” she muffled into his shirt.

“I love you too Scully”

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Christmas Day 2 am

Mulder woke up looked at the crack underneath the curtain, the sky was still green like every night the moon bounced off the snow. He felt Scully's' warmth against his stomach her strawberry smelling hair ticking the tip of his nose. He buried his head further into her hair taking and deep breath in and letting her whole essence overfill him.

He stayed like this for a little while until Scully wiggled against his pelvis making some cute noise in her sleep. He flaccid penis went rock hard within seconds. He placed his lips against the crook of her neck trailing kisses up and down nibbling her ear every time he reached the top. His hand slid down her side of her body. Her rounded perky breast with perfect rose nipples, standing to attention. He slid it further down her slim silky smooth stomach that once held their child. He hit the curls of the pubic bone and his hand slithered through her wet folds.

He heard her moan which only excited him more his erection full pressing itself on the small expanse of her back.

She opened her legs slightly to give him access this only encouraged him to carry on. His finger slid and slipped with ease around and through her folds and to her clit. She threw her head back into his chest, her body warm and succulent against his hot a feverish skin. She moved her body up slightly to allow him to enter her with ease. Her fingers around his waist helping him thrust inside her. They soon become one body, one soul, one eternity moving in unison with each other he felt her body heighten in the desire for release. He was also so close to his bliss that when he felt her body convulse around his member he joined her in a euphoric pleasure.

When they came back to the real world he kissed her on the cheek and whispered,

“Merry Christmas Scully”

“Merry Christmas Mulder, ” she hushed back before falling back to sleep for hours.

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Christmas Day

They had woke up a little over an hour ago he made her blueberry pancakes in bed with fresh-squeezed orange juice. The fire crackling and warming the whole cabin up before Scully stepped off the bed. Mulder had laid her presents under the tree and she had placed his presents by the chair that had claimed as his.

“Mulder, when did you put up more decorations?”

“Why it wasn't me, it was Father Christmas.”

“Oh shut up,” she laughed and pushed him towards the chair and she sat next to the tree on the cream shag rug.

She opened the smallest first it was wrapped scruffy in blue wrapping paper with small red presents on it with a small red bow and a sticker in his scruffy penmanship it read,

‘To Scully, always and forever. Merry Christmas love from your dearest Fox”

She opened it and what she saw brought silent tears to her eyes but instead of sadness, they were full of joy. With the box open she looked upon it and opened it up. He had gotten her a locket with Will’s picture in it. She had never before seen this photo of William and it made even more special.

The thought of William still hurt them both and they both often thought of him.

“Mulder it’s beautiful you shouldn’t have.”

“Something just as beautiful as you,” he hugged her and she placed her head on his chest and enjoyed his comfort. There were times she wouldn't let him all those years ago.

She gestured for him to open one and he did picking an overly square one in red wrapping paper with a perfect bow and perfect note.

‘To Mulder Merry Christmas with all my love Dana’

He opened it tossing the paper aside and what sat on his lap was a photo album of William he open the black velvet book with the embroidered name of William on the front to find the first page was of him holding William in the hospital in his little alien onesie saying ‘I still want to believe’. The second page was full of when they first bought him home from the hospital in his small blue and yellow outfit. The next couple of pages were of Scully family holding Will in different locations as well as at home, he always smiling unless he was asleep.

Mulder looked at Scully and in the moment with both their eyes glistening, the love and adoration for each other. They may have not have been married (yet) but in the quiet moments in the cabin, they felt like it.

They spent the next couple of hours going back and forth opening gifts with dinner somewhere in between. The night was closing in and they both sat on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around them in front of the roaring fire.

“Do you remember that first time we spent Christmas together?” he asked.

“Of course, it was just after my abduction Mom had invited you without my knowledge at you turned up bright and early and Melissa was also there and she also knew.”

“We had turkey with all the trimmings and your mom made me help with the cranberry sauce.”

“Yes she did,” Scully replied laughing.

“I didn’t know what to get you so I bought you the first edition of Moby Dick.”

“It was a beautiful gift, Mom and Melissa kept calling you Fox.”

“And you kept correcting them every single time without fault telling them it was Mulder.”

They both started laughing and he moved closer to her and whispered sultry in her ear causing goosebumps forming on her skin.

“Now you know you can only call my Fox in the bedroom”

She took his lips with her own, the kiss sweet and sensual full of passionate desire and everything in between she let his lips go and he sat back where he was sitting.

“Do you have any of the best memories from your childhood you want to reminisce about while we drink the really expensive wine?”

“Yeah hell why not,” she replied as she took a sip of the red merlot. “There was this one time I was about 7, Charlie must have been five or six Melissa was 9 and Bill was ten”

Mulder sat closer to her his hand wrapped in hers.

“We were meant to be sitting at the table after getting everything prepared. We were all sat at the table and Missy was last and when she came down her face was full of makeup she had ‘borrowed’ from mom. And let me tell you mom and Ahab's face was in complete utter shock with what she looked like. She looked a mess and it was so funny we all laughed and she got an utter bollocking from both mom and Ahab. By the time they had cleaned her up dinner was cold but we teased her about it for the whole year”

“Oh my God, I can't believe she did that,” he said in hysterics and trying to breathe in between.

“Now it's your turn,” she said smirking and taking another sip of wine.

“There was this one year where Samantha was about 5 and mom and dad got her the beautiful red border collie and Sam named her Ruby, she was completely in love with the puppy watching her bounce through the snow, throwing her the ball and playing fetch until about ten months later she ran away.”

“This is meant to be happy Mulder,” she said, raising her eyebrow.

“Wait for it I haven’t finished yet. A couple of days later she came back with a male companion scruffy looking thing. But you could tell this dogs were smitten for each other. 3 months later Ruby gave birth to a whole litter of puppies on Christmas day and Sams' face lit up all over again. But mom and dad won't be very happy about it and sold most of the litter apart from Sams favourite one. Which was red white and black proper runt of the litter but Sam loved it”

“So it was a Lady and the Tramp scenario,” She said smiling.

“Completely she even called the male dog Tramp.”

“That’s really sweet Mulder.”

“It was unless you had to shout Tramp when on a walk that got me some funny looks.”

“Oh, I bet it did,” she said laughing “But it is a really sweet story thank you for telling me”

Again she instigated the kiss by placing her lips on his. Wine forgotten about, clothed shed. Fire crackling. They spent the rest of Christmas the same way they had entered it entwining the minds, bodies and souls.

As they lay their weary heads on the pillow, wrapped up in an oversized blanket the snow fell outside the fire down to its last orange and yellow amber glow. Before falling asleep Mulder placed his lips on her red hair and whispered.

“Merry Christmas Scully.”

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Thank You for reading please leave me feedback whether it's good or bad I really appreciate it. Merry Christmas Everyone, I hope you have a wonderful new year

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Tagging @skullsmuldon @today-in-fic

#the xfiles #The X-Files #the x files #TXF #txf fanfic #The X-files fanfic #The X Files Fanfic #mulder and scully #msr fanfic #MSR Moments

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barefoot-joker · 5 years

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Yandere!Jeremiah Valeska X Reader One Shot Pt 7 (Pt 1)

Hey, guys! Welcome back to Part 1 of the finale of my Yandere!Jeremiah story! Things are going down so be prepared! :) As always feedback is appreciated so comment below any thoughts or ideas. I will see you in the next installment of Yandere!Jeremiah!

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/182328341418/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-one-shot

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/182409053588/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-oneshot-pt-2

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/182862984808/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-one-shot-pt-3

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/183226748438/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-one-shot-pt-4

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/183462856853/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-one-shot-pt-5

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/183601483818/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-oneshot-pt-6

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/184513626468/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-oneshot-pt-7

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/184712916978/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-oneshot-pt-7

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/185001873563/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-one-shot-pt-7

https://barefoot-joker.tumblr.com/post/186623351048/yanderejeremiah-valeska-x-reader-one-shot

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Beep.

Tremble.

My body shook as I quickly sat up in bed, my heart beating fast and sweat decorating my flesh. I had just woken up from another nightmare, the seventh one in a row. I raked my fingers through my hair and gulped before taking in a deep breath and putting my head in my hands. Deciding I wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon I slowly got out of bed, put on my silky robe and made my way down to Jeremiah's study and our shared library. Whenever I couldn't sleep I would go there, the words seemingly bringing me out of my prison for a little bit.

Upon entering the room the only light source was the moon, the only sounds being my bare feet upon the creaky floorboards and the grandfather clock ticking away. Stopping by the leather armchair near the corner I turned on the lamp before walking to Jeremiah's desk and turning on that light. Just as I was about to look for a book a cream envelope on my husband's desk caught my eye. Picking it up I saw my name as the addressee, the information being written in a familiar hand. There was no return address on it but my curiosity got the better of me. Why in the world did Jeremiah have my mail on his desk?

Silently I sat in his black leather chair before opening it and reading.

Y/n, You haven't been replying to any of my letters so I'm going to assume Jeremiah has hidden them from you. If this is your first time reading just know I'm coming and I haven't abandoned you. Alfred, Jim and I have been gathering tools and skills to take your "husband" down. Help is on the way I promise. Expect to be out of there soon and enjoying life, not hating it. Together we'll overcome whatever he's done to you. Anyway I love you and stay strong, dear. Soon you'll be free. Sincerely, Bruce Wayne

My lips parted and I had to cover my mouth before I let out any kind of sound. My eyes scanned the page again and again, rereading every detail to make sure it was correct. I couldn't believe it. Bruce didn't forget me and he was coming. I could feel a shiver of happiness come over me as I realized my chains would soon be off and I'd be able to fly once more. I almost jumped in joy but my mind went to finding those others letters that Bruce mentioned. Quietly I dug through my husband's desk before coming upon a stack of the same opened cream envelope in the same handwriting at the very bottom of the last drawer to the right. No wonder I thought my friend forgot me, the stack was at least ten envelopes. Silently I read through them all, interested in the news Bruce gave me. By the time I finished it was 3:30 in the morning and I could feel my lids grow heavier. Placing the envelopes back where they were I turned off each lamp and then headed back to bed, my sleep filled with dreams for once in a lifetime.

I yawned as I sat up, my back cracking as I stretched. I smiled as I actually had gotten a decent amount of rest. However that moment was ruined when I felt hands rubbing my shoulders. "Good morning, dearest. How did you sleep?"

"Fine. You?"

"Wonderful~"

His lips gave a peck to my cheek and forehead before he nuzzled my neck. I dared not turn my head away in fear of what he would do if I would, so I remained still. "I'm sorry I'm leaving you but important business has come up recently. I promise I'll make it up to you though."

“There’s no need-”

“Yes there is.”

He trailed his lips up to my ear and nipped the shell before he gave a low laugh. Uncomfortable, I slowly got out of bed but had to sit back down as a wave of exhaustion hit me head on. Jeremiah was used to these things as lately it’s been occurring more, the doctor telling him just to make me rest and relax (that is before he murdered the poor soul for touching me). Getting up he went into the closet and pulled out one of his three piece suits and a simple green dress with a floral pattern on it for me. “Do you need help getting dressed, dear?”

“N-no. I think I can manage.”

“Alright. Holler if you need me.”

I nodded and he headed into the bathroom, leaving the door open a smidge in case he needed to come out and aid me. Grunting I stood back up and slid off my nightgown, took a minute to breathe and then pulled on the roomy green daywear. Silently I walked to the door but stopped to look at myself in the full length mirror. My eyes immediately went to my bulging stomach, my branded hand coming up to rub it. Inside I was conflicted. True, I hated the fact that my enemy was the one who gave me this child but on the other end my motherly instincts loved that I was going to be giving the gift of life. I sighed and slowly made my way downstairs to the kitchen, Ecco already in there making breakfast. “Good morning, puddin! How’re you feeling?”

“Exhausted and sore.”

“Then sit, sweetie! We don’t need you or the baby hurting.”

I did as she commanded and silently watched her fry some sausages, my thoughts going to the letters I found in my husband’s desk. I needed to send Bruce some kind of sign that I did in fact receive his message, the only problem being Jeremiah and Ecco intercepting it. “Here you go. Extra strength on a plate!”

I blinked and looked down, the eggs and sausages made to look like a happy face. “Something wrong, puddin?”

Yes. This whole situation is wrong!

“I-I’m fine.”

I picked up my fork and dug in, Jeremiah coming in as soon as I was done. “No breakfast for me today, Ecco. I’m in a rush. You’ll run those documents and make sure the employees are up to date?”

“Yes, boss.”

He hummed and gave my cheek a peck. “I’ll call later to see how you’re doing, darling. Rest if you need to. I love you.”

I didn’t respond.

Even though I had been forced to do things in the name of “love” with Jeremiah I could never allow those words to be spilt out for him. No, they were only reserved for people who truly deserved them. The greenette sighed before he left, the front door slamming shut behind him. “I think I’ll go take a walk.”

“Alright, hon. If you need anything-”

“I know.”

Slowly I got up from my perch and made my way to the back of the house, I passing a few guards on the way. It always made me sick to my stomach the way they bowed to me as if I was some sort of goddess, their expressions too happy for me. I knew my husband had ordered them to be this way as he considered us deities that needed to be worshiped. I just continued my way to the back door and out into the small garden of flowers and food. To most this would have been an escape from reality as it was outside and nature surrounded the area but it was still part of my prison. Walls blocked the rest of the city from us, the sounds of honking cars and daily conversation the only things I could hear. Silently I walked along the wall, humming a bit to myself when a whisper brought me out. Confused I looked around but saw no one, I blaming it on my imagination. Just as I took another step I heard it again except this time it uttered my name. That voice. No...it couldn’t be!

“Bruce? Is that you?”

“Yes. It’s me, Y/n!”

My heart danced with excitement as I placed my palms against the wall, wishing it were transparent so I could see my dark haired friend. “Oh my god, I thought I’d never hear from you again!”

“Haven’t you been getting my letters?”

“No. Jeremiah has been intercepting them. I only found out last night as one was on his desk.”

“I thought so. Y/n, you sound...different. Is everything okay?”

I didn’t reply immediately. How in the world was I supposed to tell my loved one what has happened?

“A lot has been going on Bruce, but I don’t have time to explain.”

“Neither do I. I just came to reassure you I’m still alive and am going to get you out. Soon we’ll be together again.”

“Bruce.”

“Yes?”

“Whatever Jeremiah does to me...promise you won’t leave.”

“I would never! None of this is your fault, dearest. I know that.”

“Y/N!”

“Look Bruce, I have to go. Stay here okay?”

“Okay.”

I heard the sound of him giving an air kiss and the crunching of cold grass beneath his feet. Though our encounter was small I was filled with new found hope because of my friend. “Y/N! Where are you?”

“Coming!”

Quickly I looked back at the stone wall and smiled before waddling up to the back door where Ecco stood. “There you are! I ‘ve been calling you for quite a while.”

“Sorry, is there something you needed?”

“I need to go out and do some things for the boss man so you’ll be here alone with some guards. The doors will be locked and so are all the windows so you should be safe. I’ll have a cell phone on me so call the number next to the phone if you need anything, alright.”

“When do you think you’ll be back?”

“This shouldn’t take more than an hour but I’ll call to tell you if I’ll be later.”

“Alright.”

“Stay safe.”

She gave the top of my head a kiss before heading out and locking the door behind her, I running back to the wall in need of talking to my friend. “Bruce? Are you still there?”

“I’m here, Y/n.”

I sighed in relief. “Ecco’s gone now and the guards are off upstairs by now. Can you come around front? I’ll let you in.”

I heard the sound of his footsteps receding away so I quickly rushed to the front and unlocked the door, Bruce standing there with a smile on his face. “Y/n!”

He grabbed me in a tight embrace and I quickly reached up did the same, tears coming. Standing on my toes I gave him a great big kiss and laughed as he peppered my face with his version of light kisses. “Come on, let’s get you sitting down.”

I gently grabbed his hand and led him into the living room, both of us snuggling on the couch. Bruce leaned in to give me another kiss but I felt his hand halt on my stomach, sadness written in his eyes as he slowly peeled away and looked down. “Y/n, did he do this to you?”

I gulped but nodded, too afraid of what he’d do. Bruce sighed and pulled me in close, his voice next to my ear, “I knew I should have come sooner. None of this would have happened if I-”

“Bruce, this isn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is! If I had protected you then you wouldn’t be stuck pregnant and married to the most evil villain in all of Gotham!”

The room went dead quiet as I pulled away to look into my love’s eyes. In his dark orbs I could see what I constantly felt: sadness, anger, disappointment and fear. “You’re doing the best you can do, Bruce. I’ve been surviving so far.”

He sighed and caressed my cheek. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“I just think about you and my friends.”

With that I leaned up and gave him a kiss, my pent up passion letting loose. Bruce let his hands rummage through my hair, our hearts connecting as one once again. Our moment seemed to last forever but as we pulled away with half lidded eyes I realized it was only a few minutes. Just as I was about to say something the phone rang in the hallway so I begrudgingly got up and answered it. “Hello?”

“Y/n, it’s me.”

“...Hello, Jeremiah.”

“How are you doing, honey?”

“Fine. Is there something you needed?”

“I just wanted to see how you were and that I’ll be home in just a few minutes.”

“Alright. Goodbye.”

“See you soon, dearest. I love you.”

I slammed the phone down to hang it up. No way was I telling him that phrase when my true love was in the other room. Silently I walked back into the living room to find Bruce standing and looking at our “family” pictures, a grimace on his face. “You’d better get going, love. Jeremiah will be here any minute and I don’t want you getting caught.”

“I understand.”

He turned to me before embracing me close, his scent of peppermint wafting into my nose. “I’ll get you out of here, dearest. Soon.”

I smiled as his lips gave me a quick peck to the cheek before he quickly went out the door. And just as soon as my fantasies left, my hell entered. “Y/n, I’m home!”

I didn’t turn around as I knew he would find me right away. Sure enough I felt his arms wrap around me within a few seconds, his scent of spice overpowering Bruce’s. “I trust things were fine while I was gone.”

“Yes. Ecco left a little bit ago. She said she would return within the hour.”

He hummed in response before twirling me to face him. “Then we’ll have some alone time before she gets back~”

His gloved hands trailed down to my hips but I silently pushed away, not in the mood. I heard him growl in response but override it with a sigh. His dress shoes scuffed the floor as glasses clinked and liquid was poured, him returning to my side with two wine glasses in his hands. He held it forward for me to take so reluctantly I did, a smile coming to those red lips of his. As I looked down at the glass I was surprised to see it was white wine instead of red, his attempt of lightening up the mood small smile worthy. “I told you I was going to make it up to you.”

He took a sip and gestured for me to do the same. “Isn’t it a bit too early for alcohol?”

“Oh come on, Y/n.”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“Not even one little sip?”

“I said no, Jeremiah.”

“It’ll be fun~”

“I don’t want to.”

“JUST TAKE ONE DAMN SIP, Y/N!”

I closed my eyes and flinched, my experience with his temper not a great one. In an act of comfort his hand touched my shoulder but the texture of the leather from his glove made it seem unholy. “I apologize for yelling, dearest. Work was just stressful for me today.”

I didn’t reply. There was no need for me to. However my husband was not in that mood for he gently turned my head towards him by my chin and gave me a smile. “Dance with me, honey?”

I nodded once and was immediately pulled to his chest, our arms entangled as we began a slow waltz. While we danced my mind went back to the good old days, the times when Jeremiah wasn’t the monster that he was now.

{Flashback}

I nervously tapped my fingers together as I looked around the room. Jeremiah promised he would take me out dancing tonight but he was nowhere to be found. I bit my lip and hugged my shawl closer as I waited, the stares from the other men unnerving. In my mind I thought I should leave the party but just as thought entered it left when a warm hand met my bare shoulder. My eyes caught sight of Jeremiah’s ginger hair and black glasses, the disappointment leaving. “For a second I thought you weren’t coming and that I got dressed up for nothing.”

“And why would I leave a beautiful woman like you alone?”

I smiled as he took my hand and led us to the floor, our hands going to the right places for the waltz music playing. Slowly the ginger started us and my nerves past as I got the hang of it. “You look lovely tonight, you know that.”

I blushed. “You do as well.”

I laughed as he spun me and in the moment everything seemed to fade away, just like the end of Sleeping Beauty. I felt the two of us on clouds, it seeming like a dream.

{End Flashback}

My lip tugged upwards as the happy memory stayed with me, the slow rhythm of us dancing lulling me into sleepiness. I could feel my husband’s chest rumble with light laughter as my grip loosened and my body began to slip. My heart and mind screamed at me to stay awake, to not be left in such a vulnerable position but my body hushed back ‘what was the point’. As the three fought for dominance my eyes closed and for once a fuzzy feeling burned inside my chest.

That fuzzy feeling reserved for Jeremiah Valeska.

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yet-another-grs-blog · 7 years

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Electrolysis Sucks, Part 2

Okay, so I left off last time with me setting up my first appointment. I'm pretty sure that when I was scheduling the first appointment, my electrologist told me to put numbing cream on the shaft. Again, this harkened back to my original confusion about whether I should be working on the shaft or the back of the scrotum, but that's what she said. So, I put some numbing cream on (I took time off that day to go home so I could have a better look at what was going on and have longer to leave the cream on), wrapped it in some plastic wrap and tape, and went to the appointment.

I got to the office, and it was different than most electrolysis offices that I've seen. There was a small waiting room which I waited for the electrologist in. Then, she took me back into the room that the actual electrolysis happened. The back room was very dark with some "mood lighting" and had some soft music playing in the background. The same office also offered massages, so I imagine that this lighting and music was msot beneficial in that case. She told me to take my pants off and gave me a towel to wrap around my waist. I did so and took off the plastic wrap (!!! Don't do this! Leave it on as long as possible! If only I had known...) and went and sat down on the table she had set up.

The position she had me sit in was pretty uncomfortable. She had me sitting on the edge of an exam table with a bunch of pillows behind me (for me to lean on). Then, I would bend my legs up and put my feet on the edge of the table, and she would sit in between my legs. This position was great for me not having to see what was happening, but in general was a very uncomfortable position. My legs would get tired from trying to stay in that position, so I would end up having to hold my legs with my arms to keep them up. Also, it was pretty hard to stay distracted from the painful spots, because there wasn't anything to do. I ended up bringing books to read and music to listen to, but they weren't terribly good at distracting me from the pain.

Speaking of pain, I can't tell if I'm just really bad at putting on numbing cream or what, but electrolysis hurts real bad for me. A lot of people I've talked to, when I say that it hurts, they say "oh yeah, that's just electrolysis!" But seriously, I think it might actually hurt more for me. One of my previous electrologists was very surprised by how not-numb my face was after I put on numbing cream for a while. At some point, it got hard to deal with so I started calling the trans clinic to see if there was anything stronger I could be taking to help with the pain. They were also pretty dismissive, and told me to take more Advil. :| So, I started taking 4 advil (instead of the recommended minimum 2) before my appointments. Didn't help at all. Then I tried taking 4 advil and 2 tylenol, and again, it didn't help at all. I called them back up, and at the urging of my girlfriend I asked if they could prescribe me some stronger oral painkillers. They said that they couldn't and that it was very uncommon (despite several people in the trans group I went to saying they were prescribed vicodin for the pain!) and instead prescribed me a stronger topical numbing cream. The new numbing cream ended up being a pain in the butt to get (it wasn't off-the-shelf, so it took me 2 trips to the pharmacy and a phone call to get them to fill it), and it ended up not even being more effective! Plus it was goopy and hard to use. Finally after many months of being sad every week, I visited my GP and told them what was going on. They were hesitant, but prescribed me some vicodin to take before the appointment. I ended up trying it the next week, and... it was okay. To be honest, it didn't really help with the pain, but it was really useful in helping me relax and not stress out before the appointment. By this point, I had gotten a lot better at putting the numbing cream on, too (which I'll talk about below), so my appointments started being less awful. Yay!

Anyway, back to my electrologist. We definitely got some work done, but appointments with her were hell. Eventually, my girlfriend had to start picking me up afterwards because I was feeling so bad. :( Luckily for me, I got a strange surprise one time when I went in to see her: she was stopping working with Kaiser patients! This was a pretty big surprise for me, because I wasn't really sure what was supposed to happen afterwards. We had our last few appointments, and then Kaiser called me and helped me find a different electrologist in my area to start seeing instead. They found me one who was not super close (about 25 minutes from my house), which was kinda annoying compared to my original electrologist who was less than 10 minutes away. I ended up being so scared of calling her, because I didn't want to get back into electrolysis. Eventually, she called me and told me that she'd been expecting me to call (oops). We set up an appointment, and we were off to the races.

And I got to our first appointment, and it was... surprisingly not so bad. It was probably some combination of me being better at putting numbing cream on and her office just being a nicer experience. Objectively it was less nice (a little more run down, low walls so people in the waiting room could hear you) but the actual experience of getting worked on was much nicer. Instead of having me squatting in some weird position, she had me laying down with my head on a pillow, and she would bend over me. Much more comfortable. Also, instead of being left to my own devices for distraction, she would talk to me basically the whole time! This was really nice. In particular, I noticed that she would ask me questions and talk more whenever we were going to do a more painful area. Very nice. I'm still seeing her as of when this is written, and I'll talk more about that experience in Part 3.

For now, I have Piece of Advice #2: My pre-electrolysis routine that works really well for me

As I mentioned before, I really like my appointments being scheduled in the mornings on a weekend. So step zero is finding an electrologist who will do that. :)

The morning of the appointment, take a shower (to relax and feel good!) and scrub the area that you're gonna work on that day.

About an hour to an hour and a half before the appointment, take a vicodin if you have it and feel like you need one that day. I take one on days that I'm feeling stressed, or when I know I'm gonna work on an area that's more sensitive.

Lay down on a pillow with a mirror in front of you, so you can see what spots you're putting numbing cream on.

Put some numbing cream on the spots you're gonna work on. Don't cover them up yet! I usually wait about 20-30 minutes, slowly applying more numbing cream to the areas as it soaks in.

30-40 minutes before the appointment, cover up the numbing cream with Tegaderm dressings. These are the dressings I use. I find that the general advice of "using plastic wrap" is awful, because plastic wrap does a terrible job of staying in place. These bandages are sticky on one side, so you can be confident that they're actually sticking to your skin and keeping the numbing cream on the right places. I've also noticed that these have gotten easier to use as time went on, probably because they don't stick to hair very well, so the less hair the better. When it doesn't stick, I use some surgical tape to tape around the edges.

Take 2 Advil. For me, Advil doesn't help with the pain at all. However, Advil is also an anti-inflammatory, which really helps with the pain after the appointment.

Relax. This isn't something I do every time, but I often try to do some deep breathing or meditation on my way to the appointment or while I'm sitting in the waiting room. Being stressed out just makes the appointments that much worse!

And those are my secrets on how I deal with my electrolysis appointments. I'm still using those steps every week, and I've gotten to the point where I can feel okay about going to the appointments.

Continued in part 3

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