#I HAD TO CALM MYSELF DOWN TO POST THIS

[nephilimbrute]

side order's out. you might not hear from me for like 2 years. anyways i'm gonna avoid social media until i can actually see the whole campaign spoiler-free soooo

#splatoon #agent 8 #dedf1sh #side order #pearl houzuki #I HAD TO CALM MYSELF DOWN TO POST THIS #But I'M STILL LOSING IT #I'LL BE ON MY ALT ON TWITTER @NEPHILIMBRUTE #BYE

[scared-cr0ws]

A little birthday art of the lovely @alsojnpie and papyrus!!

It was such a pleasure n honor to draw these two together!! they are so so adorable!!

#had to calm myself down while drawing bc i was getting giddy over how cute it was to me #horrortale #post horrortale #alsojnpie #thanks a million jnpie for all your amazing art and letting me draw u 2!! #you r such a pleasure and so kind <3

[blended-ice]

little nibble 🤺🤺🤺🩸

(obligatory vampire au)

#peas n guac #man I just drew this in one sitting while listening to step on me (the cardigans) on repeat #something just came over me idk #listen #sometimes #I just gotta draw the boys covered in blood #sorry you had to find out this way #it’s not very much blood #only a lil itty bit u know #yeah #‘but blended’ you say #‘isn’t it lowkey cringefail of you to be posting vampire au’s?’ #and I say NO #I say cringe is DEAD babygirl (gender neutral) #cringe died when I decided to dedicate an entire blog to drawing 2016 anime blorbo fanart #I’m talking to myself too much rn I need to calm down #I am so!!! Tired!! I should be in bed!!! #yuri on ice #yoi #viktor nikiforov #katsuki yuuri #viktuuri #fanart #id in alt text

[ssspringroll]

oh no. something's happening to me

#😭 i had to take off one of his sets of eyelashes so he could wear the accessories i wanted #and his legs are broken. dont worry about that. #such is the life of a behooved man. 😔 #simoleon #my kiddos #yknow what im not even paring this down. #you get all of the maybes. #bc theyre all yeses #i wasn't gonna jump on this train but i needed to calm myself down before bedtime #and also he looked too good not to post. #even tho his legs are broken 💛 #and i didnt bother doing his makeup 💛 #and he isn't allowed to wear socks (due to hooves) so i had to find leggings that were cute 💛

[ganondoodle]

been able to keep both my fear and hype about totk in check by watching nothing but elden ring videos for weeks but now i read something on accident and my anxiety is going through the roof again

#ganondoodles talks #pls nintendy #dont do this #it was only a sentence with no clear spoilers or anything #but by god its put fear in my heart again #pls let totk be its own game #id even be willing to spoil myself on some stuff just to know my fear isnt based on truth #i hate that i feel like this #even if im better able to stop panic attacks before they happen #i still feel so silly for feeling so strongly about a game and its lore #but no matter what i try i cant help it #its been my thing of comfort for so long i wouldnt know what else i would focus on if i were to lose it #and it would be so much work - years of work- basically wasted #plus i would feel so bad having made people be interested only to abandon it before its even really started #the only thing giving me comfort if this was the case is knowing id just post all lore -concept art -drafts and scripts #as a sort of -this is what i had been working on for all these years- so at least the people who cared could get an idea of it #and in the unlikely case that it would be liked by alot of people #i would keep working on it despite it making no sense anymore #im rambling on trying to calm myself down #sorry #gotta be exhausting reading my anxious ass tags over and over #;__;

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[sketchy-tour]

A shame I wasn't able to find the motivation to finish my Halloween art in time for Halloween. Might still finish it and post it late for fun, especially since it's already lined.

Started it early and everything and I still couldn't make it. Oh well. That's what I get for getting distracted doodling silly stuff.

#text post #just rambling #Ive just been trying to keep my head on straight and doodling to distract myself these past couple weeks #that WIP has been sitting there...SO close to finished #I just had to color it... :( But coloring is a process I really gotta be in the headspace for #shoulda just slapped on some comfort show and powered through it so I wouldnt be late #but getting mad about what I didnt do isnt gonna make it magically happen lol #so late halloween art is my curse #sorry if I sound a little down for a bit its not the halloween lateness thats got me like this its more so just... #my brain. and my situation. I just gotta wait for the waters of my mind to calm back down #right now they waves are high. and Im just trying to keep my head above water the best I can #okay wow let me. just stop now yall dont wanna hear all that~! <3

[dreamonminecraft]

I'm glad you all think I'm well articulated because I've had two bloody noses today, throw up in my mouth every time I get a notification, haven't left my bed in 6 hours, eaten anything since yesterday afternoon, or brushed my teeth. So. Sunshine and rainbows everybody I'm doing great.

#I've calmed myself down a little bit and made moral qualms with myself but I'm still very much in the trenches emotionally #the fact that so many people are validating my feelings is making me feel a lot less alone #tw eating disorder -> #honestly ever since dream posted the picture of his scars it really triggered me #I was very anorexic during quarantine and i had gotten better #im not doing as bad then as i was then but this whole situation is so mentally taxing that nothing even smells good #things are tough. I can't lose this. and maybe some of what im saying is copium but it's really all i have left

[deergirlslut]

Getting drunk and posting on tumblr to create hilarious content sounds fun in theory but sometimes you just become a sad :(

#drunkposting #Wept the other day over Palestine #and now. now I can't shut that part of my brain off #I have thoughts rn that I can't tell you all about because they would raise alarm #also I hate myself because I didn't go to a protest I planned to because my stomach hurt like hell #took me too long to realize that it was because of anxiety #cops tear gassed me my first and last time and I am scared shitless #*grabbing myself by my own shoulders* It's not over till it's over its not over till its over its not over till its over #i had something else to say but I don't. remember #anyways this is less a post for u and more like. a way to get my thoughts out. and. calm down. sometimes u just gotta put em into words #and put em somewhere you'll se em again #i checkl my drunkposting tag on occasion

[crimsonkenjii-writes]

Had a nightmare where someone stole my iPad but I managed to get it back and these fuckers ruined everything. They fucked up my Pinterest and all my collections in there, deleted EVERYTHING off my tumblr turned it into a Disney adult blog, and fucked up my procreate!!! They had some kid fucking draw in there and deleted a lot of my other art (mostly from my selfship stack)

#silly but it gave so much paranoia when I woke up #had to calm myself down and tell myself it was just a dream and my blog is fine lmao #imagine #alllll this shit I posted on here #gone over night cuz some fucker stole my iPad #I would actually cry #I did cry in my dream actually #put my heart and soul into this blog #crimsonkenjii rambles

[autisticasgore]

i don’t normally post things like this on my blog, because i’m terrified of being vulnerable online due to my past experiences, and also bc i prefer to share things like this in private with my friends

but i’m constantly expecting something to go wrong now. ever since i was doxxed, ever since i had people stalking me to high heaven for whatever reason they justified on their heads (like the crime of liking asgore lmao), i’m constantly on the lookout. i’ve even had delusions that i had cameras in my room, because at the time it felt like the only rational logic to me.

i know i can’t control what everyone thinks of me, but the trauma i’ve been through the past few years has ruined my relationship with the internet. i can’t even think about growing my platform or earning a living because i’m terrified it will mean i have been exposed to my stalkers again and i will be harassed all over again.

i just… i dont know. im tired of feeling like this every day. i’ve talked to my therapist about it, my friends, my family, and nothing seems to help. i’m tired of feeling so afraid. i don’t want to give them that power.

#pixie.txt #me posting asgore art was literally bc i had to push myself in the past year or so #the undertale fandom has thankfully calmed down now i think #but 2019-2022 was such. an obnoxious couple of years for me #i’ve learned to deal with most of the stuff that’s come my way #because i had to

[notorioushiphopcrew]

also i sent an email i kind of regretted. but also feeling that a large part of that was formed by the very intense emotional state i was in where i was experiencing crazy anxiety and doubts and shame about the way i acted and i felt like everything i wrote in that email was so terrible and also i felt so emotional and so ashamed of it and so sure everyone who knew it woild judge me and know how irrational i am and i could tell logically it probably wouldnt be a big deal but couldnt feel it and like. i feel a bit awkward now but ive fully calmed down and honestly? it was kind of fine actually. its just been a while since ive been UP THERE in that kind of state and i guess it kind of does give you perspective on how your emotional state really affects you so deeply and your perception of things. and like yeah i might retract a few things or be like "eh not mt best move" on some things but realising overall it doesnt matter and i can FEEL that. it is really crazy how many problems exist in your head and you can understand logically its not rational but you just have to bear it for a bit

#but thankfully i calmed down #but damn its been a while since ive been like that #wondering if this also ties into experiences in fhe past and fears about not being taken seriously or being seen as overly emotional #for no reason #that definitely played a big part in things #idk why im oversharing on the internet just felt like maybe i should start postinf all my random thoughts #and experiencing a bit of emotional clarity like after you reach a more balanced state ans go “damn i was strugglin” #but yeah.... #ig my fear and anxiety really was #that i would be seen as so overly emotional and illogical and i wouldnt be taken seriously #and also in addition #the fear about thinking i have not communicated well how others acted torwards me and unneccessarily painting them as villians and using #language that was emotional to describe their actions #and my emotions were so strong i couldnt even handle to remember what i had wrote #but honestly i set clear boundaries and have explained my side of the story and although i dont know if i expressed myself perfectly #yes others did upset me and in my opinion act badly no i dont think its a long term issue and yes i will be taking distance from that happe #ing again #sometimes writing down your thoughts really makes them properly observable to you for the first time #and i am thinking about this writing this post

[hella1975]

‘you’re all i got, cousin’ crying over richie of all people. can this day get any worse

#IF I SAID RICHIE IS ONE OF THE MOST COMPELLING CHARACTERS ON THE BEAR WHAT THEN #THIS SHOW SAID NO TWO DIMENSIONAL CHARACTERS!!! #he’s still a dick tho. love him #hi i had a hellish day. being on ur period plus working bank holiday saturday lunch rush? no a slaytastic combo #saw unprecedented levels of twatism today night actually be my worst shift at this place ever #god fr saw me posting positively about work lately and went girl BE QUIET and u know what it’s crickets from my end from now on bossman #this is the first time i could NOT snap myself out of a mood bc of a customer like it was a hundred little shitty interactions #of being spoken to like utter shit and then one table just pissed me OFF like complained to my manager the works and if it had been that on #it’s own it would have been fine but it had already been building and i was like no. im done #got asked if i could stay on until 10 and i wasn’t even polite about it i just went ‘FUCK no’ #almost cried on the bus home. humiliating. immediately got in an argument w my mum. thriving tbh #and then went ‘now is probably a bad time to watch THIS of all shows but oh well’ and weirdly it’s actually calmed me down bc I’m reminded #this is a universal struggle and it isn’t just me being a little bitch lmao. still sucks that my job literally consists of #‘whoever can tolerate being spoken to like dirt for the longest without snapping will get shifts :)’ like why is this behaviour allowed #why do i have to regularly day after day be disrespected and treated like im not even a person. for MINIMUM FUCKING WAGE #blowing the restaurant up im so fucking done man #the bear #hella slaves to capitalism

[danzafila]

woke up in the middle of the night feeling weird and flushed in the chest (back) again (but only on the left side this time?) and, combined with the fact that I was paranoid my heartbeat was going too fast all night when I was trying to fall asleep and now again upon waking up (tho I couldn't actually tell and this is something tbf I'm constantly concerned of and often like ends up being a cause of sleep anxiety/inability to get to sleep lol), it reminded me of that time I had that bad reaction to those anxiety meds last year and I can't decide if I'm just freaking myself out again or should actually be concerned???

#idk maybe i just slept funnily on my left side and had a weird dream and that woke me up feeling all heightened and anxious #i took my temperature to try and ''calm myself down'' and then it was LOW it was like 94.smth??? #so i called up my parents (in the middle of the night. sry.) to try and calm me down and i thought it did help #but now that i'm off the phone i feel like i'm slightly shaky.... #wish i had a pulse oximeter like them so i could tell if i'm being crazy and it's all just in my head or not #(hmmm think i'm gonna buy one for my own peace of mind when i'm having trouble getting to sleep bc i think my pulse is racing now) #is this a weird covid symptom? when i basically haven't even had any others since the first day my experience has been so mild??? #or am i just insane hahahahaahahaha #sry to freak out and dump this shit at like 5am u guys can ignore this #sto parlando #poste personale

[silentwillowwhisperer]

eek!

I think it’s worth mentioning that I you amazing people have gotten me to…

drumroll please

2800+ notes!!!! And flipping 73 followers!!!

I’m freaking out here!!! What is happening??????

Thank you all you lovely people!

ummmm wait I feel like there’s more

Oh yeah! Big thanks to @lilcatastrophe!!! Simply amazing person, they have been a supporter of me since I first started posting, and send me the most lovely comments. Go check out his art!!! It’s super cool, I love it all so much!!!

That’s all! See you lateeer!

#just me being me #by that i mean #me trying not to scream at the top of my lungs #today was a good day #i love you guys #thank youuuu #eeeeek #<3 #i am not emotionally prepared #stop no I randomly decided to count up the notes #because i was bored #and once I start something stupid like that I am incapable of stopping #I got past 1500 and had to take deep breaths to calm myself down #tawny post

[autistic-katara]

i need to read some fanfiction before i actually kill myself

#cant even get into why bcz holy fuck #this is way more complicated than it needs to be and no one’s told me anything except the person whos supposedly in the wrong #god i hate mentally ill 13 year olds theyre the worst ppl to be around #and i’m saying that as someone who was one a couple years ago #no one’s telling me anything but whatever the fucks going on here’s making you assholes mentally worse on all sides #and jesus fuck none of u r communicating with eachother either and all i’m hearing is one side of the story but apparently there’s more tha #i’m not being told for some reason #and i really wish i could stay out of this but i can’t bcz one of the ppl involved is my sibling the other is either the problem or being #gaged up on depending on who u ask and the other others trying to kill themself over this and i had to be the dick who called their mum at #10pm and just jesus christ guys what r ur fucking problems every one of u get therapy bcz u seriously need it #ok i guess i did get into it nvm #cw suicide #vent #(?) #what was this post about again? #oh yeah gonna go read fanfic to try nd calm myself down after my go-to unhealthy coping mechanism didn’t work #then maybe i can FINALLY finish writing #ryan shut the fuck up