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#Henny the Dutch bitch
ask-raggedy-andrew · 5 months
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Hi Andy, do you know what happen to my stash of my insect flash cards? I know you took them!
- Henny the Dutch doll
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Looks weird bc I did it with an abnormally small mouse on a library computer.
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tetsunabouquet · 9 months
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Congrats on hitting a new milestone! I'm curious about 25, 42 and 45.
Thank you, really. 25 Is there a song that defines you? Blossom by Kerli. Also her song Diamond Hard. 42 Is there a book only available in your language that you wished everyone knew? Yes, I actually mentioned the franchise like once or twice on a post, it's the Valentina Hellebel series. The series consists out of 7 books, and the target demographic is similar to the R.L Stine books. They're written by Eddy C.Bertin, who actually has written adult horror in English. Fun fact, but in the Netherlands, there was this thing called het Griezelgenootschap which is Dutch for the Creepy Fellowship. This was comprised out of children's horror writers like Eddy C.Bertin who was the secretary. Back in the late 90's/early 2000s you could subscribe to the Griezelclub- Creepy Club- and get all kinds of stuff. The Valentina series combines Lovecraftian horror, with religious horror, folklore and wicca. The series follows Valentina who's nicknamed 'Hellebel' because she's a troublemaker. She turns 13 in the first book, and unlocks her witch powers however there's a bad sorceror who's pretty much like a demon at this point involved. She gets help from her best friend Anton, who wants to be a horror writer and is her main source for occult information other then her grandmother Hennie who is her mentor, and her familiar the cat Sir James (spoiler alert from the 4th book but he's the freaking angel Gabriel fallen down to Earth and is serving Valentina as a way to repent and go back to heaven). But, through shenanigans in the first book, she and Anton end up dragging two of their classmates, Freddie and Vickie into the whole occult mess and the four form a coven as humans can actually join a witch coven as long as they have the right astrology sign as everyone in the coven is meant to represent one sign and all four kids have different signs. Their coven later gets two more additions in the siblings Zeynep and Hatice, who are half Turkish, and half fallen angel (the good kind who want to repent to go back to the garden of Eden). Freddie and Vickie get together at the end of the first book, and are still a couple that's so freaking dear to me. I mean, they're not perfect but that's what makes it a realistic romance. Vickie's the cringy dotting girlfriend and Freddie is basically like Teiko Aomine and disappointed in her in the chest department but their love conquers everything. Literally, in book 6 Freddie gets turnt evil because demons prey on his insecurity- that being the brawn of the group isn't good enough in the face of demonic forces and that he won't be able to keep Vickie safe. So then he's brainwashed and basically became a bit of a Hulk with a sword. Digit, a friend of Anton manages to weaken their spell on him and Vickie- who's usually the most frightened in the group turns to Valentina and is basically like, "Bitch this is my fight," and convinces him to fight off literal hell's influence, even when Freddie is literally about to deliver a fatal blow- but their love breaks through and he just can't. Vickie is the reason why he became evil in the first place! And this is not the sweet kind of series you know which makes it so powerful. Valentina's mom dies at the end of book 3 and book 4 is literally Valentina having her survivor's guilt exploited by a cosmic child related to the Scorpio constellation that's turnt evil by this dark sorceror who experimented around with vampires and also spawned a bat-cat hybrid species called the Vampkatten- Vampcats and the child uses Valentina because it wants to go back to its mother. (this series is wild, I know)
That's not even the worst thing yet, Valentina dies to save the world at the end of book 7, and it ends with Anton visiting her grave. I wish this series existed in English all the time so I could talk about it more, and ever since Eddy died (R.i.P), I've been wanting to translate it to preserve his legacy with any potential profit going to his loved ones but I cannot find book 7 anywhere as the series stopped printing long ago. I've been hunting for it in second hand shops for ages. 45 What's your favorite chick flick? St. Trinians. For one, I always thought going to a boarding school seemed cool. Two, having grown up in criminal areas I could very much relate to that school's particular enviroment. Three, I'm not going to say who, but there's a character who shares my name and I'm proud. Four, St. Trinians subverts some of the chick flick tropes, and I love that. Five, the soundtrack is awesome and iconic. Like the school anthem? YES. "We are the best, So screw the rest!" Six, I love it's humor. Again, it's just so iconic, like the Posh Totties' 'Oh My God'
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This movie is part of the British chick flick holy trinity for a good reason. It's a legend. It even had good messages, like not dumbing yourself down. I just love it so much.
(Also, I cannot take that female Doctor Who seriously 'cause she is still Beverly to me)
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undergroundbillions · 2 years
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they-callme-ami · 4 years
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Double Dutch. (aka the drunk! Elijah, Aurora, black!MC and Tobias fic)
Note: This story uses lots of AAVE (African American Vernacular English) and is mostly intended for a black audience--you can still read for funsies or whatever, but I better not hear some shit about it not being inclusive or using 'improper grammar'.
Tags: @what-do-you-mean-theyre-evil @tyrils-star @melaninnntae @indescribablybre @prism-goddess
It started innocently enough: you were helping Aurora wrap her hair, pinning it up and tying the scarf around it.  Elijah rolled into the living room in his pajamas. You three were the only ones at home since you three had worked later than Jackie, Bryce and Sienna and didn’t feel like going out that night.  But y’all weren’t opposed to chillin and talkin’ shit. 
It had been a long ass day. Ethan was getting on every damn nerve you had, either talking about his mom and their strained relationship or bugging you about your cases. The man just did not leave you alone, and normally it was cool--but today he needed to back the fuck up and stop talkin shit about Tobias. It was gettin old. Not only that, but you had your own intern to deal with--which is what you were going on about now.
“I’m telling you Elijah--I love Esme but that girl is too fuckin much!  She always stay talkin back to the other attendings, nearly started a fight with another intern, and even when she asks for my advice she don’t listen! Thinkin she know everything….fuckin stubborn headass..” You sigh while twisting your hair.  
“Uh-huh. Sounds like a familiar head-ass doctor I know.  You were on trial last year, stoopid!  I know your ass not talkin bout Esme.  She’s a breeze compared to Sothy… he barely knows how to do anythin--it's a damn miracle he graduated y’know.”
“And who’s fault is that Elijah--oh, excuse me, Oracle.”  Aurora smirked and laughed as Elijah could only sit there, ultimately taking the L.
As y’all were about to go in on each other, there was a knock at the door.
“Oh! Finally, must be the package I ordered.  I hope y’all are ready to see me strut the halls in my new---”  You open the door, only to see Tobias there in some sweats with some take out food and a paper bag.
“Not a package, but I’d love to see what you plan on struttin in.”  He teased and smirked.
“SHIT---Uh---why are you here so late---”  You had your bonnet on and a big ass t-shirt with some stains on it and some basketball shorts.  It was the first time he'd seen you so casual.
"Easy there firecracker, I didn't expect you to look--what are the kids saying--'beat and snatched' 24/7." He pecked your lips and walked in. 
“I invited him Y/N. Tobias, don't ever try and say that shit again and bring me my wings.”  Aurora smiled and laughed, seeming to not be phased by her boss seeing her in a scarf and acne cream dotting her face.  Was she just so tired from work she didn’t care?  Who were you kidding, this girl was a complete trip after a long day and was just sayin ‘fuck it’.
“Elijah, I got Tobias to grab you some of that shrimp scampi from that place downtown, and Y/N--he got you your favorite cause I told him and you his new boo thing.”  Aurora smirked with a wing in hand, and Elijah playfully gagged while Tobias handed out takeout containers and handed yours over. Yup, it was your favorite dish from your favorite place.  
“Now--I was invited for 3 reasons: A.) I have a car so I could do the food run and get y’all spoiled asses some good food.  B.)  I live 5 blocks away from the liquor store so--” He held up a bottle from the bag he had--Hennessy, cause of course he’d get the most stereotypical dr--”And C.) I had to pull a double shift so I’m tired and nice enough to share some college Ramsey stories with y’all.”
So there you were, sipping on your glass and laughing as Tobias was explaining how Ethan thought that ‘double dutch’ was some kind of dessert or innuendo for a threesome with exchange students.
“Wait wait---no no you gotta be kiddin me.  Fuckin 4.0 Med school GPA Ramsey--future head of Edenbrooks Diagnostics Team--thought double dutch was some kinda play on words?  I have to laugh…” Elinah snorts. You couldn’t help but burst into whoops and hollars, laughing and even Aurora couldn’t hide the smile on her face after she almost choked on her drink.
“Uh-huh.  Even after I told him what it was, he insisted that he had to see ‘it’.  I took him to my old neighborhood, and watched four 9 year old girls school him while he nearly fell flat on his face!”  Tobias laughed and smiled as he recalled the memory.  “For someone so fuckin smart--I swear to god he’s a dumbass.  Arrogant too, he never wanted to jump rope at the gym anymore.”
Something inside you flipped on.  You took a sip of Henny and smirked.  
“Well, I knew he had the fuckin long-ass neck of a giraffe, but clearly them legs ain’t doin him a favor either.”  Tobias nearly spat his drink and crumbled on the floor into laughter, Elijah slamming his hand on the table and laughing with him.  It was taking all of Aurora’s willpower to not laugh and act a fool.  “I mean, I know he ain’t got any rhythm either!  Mothafucka was clappin OFFBEAT during Donahue’s karaoke night, but I’m supposed to trust him to count how many heartbeats a patient has.”  You joke again, and Elijah was holding his sides.
“Fuck---he---Y/N shut the hell up!”  Tobias laughed and playfully pushed your shoulder.  “Pass me the damn bottle….y’all lemme tell you somethin worse than that--his cooking.  The man can’t stay on beat let alone beat a fuckin egg.  Y/N--tell ‘em bout the chicken.”
“He---He invited me home after work or somethin--and he wanted me to help him with this recipe he saw for chicken.  Y’all, it was the BLANDEST ass recipe I ever saw in my life.  I was terrified to eat whatever the fuck he was makin, it was so bad his dad even helped out and said how it needed some proper seasoning.  I had never seen an old man so disappointed in such an empty spice cabinet.  I had to leave.”  You snicker as you retell the story.  “Even worse?  He tried to bring me some leftovers afterwards and by god was that mothafucka dry as HELL---y’know what, lemme calm down cause I am not about to yell over some bland ass chicken.”  You chugged down the Henny and grabbed the bottle to pour another glass.
“Y’know….for someone who seemed real eager to stuff a chicken, he cannot seem to tell he got a stick stuffed far up his ass.  No wonder he walks around like an emotionally constipated man-baby.”  Aurora said with a straight face as she chugged her own drink.  You turned away, laughing and doing a spit take as Tobias slammed his fist on the table, snorting while Elijah simply was in awe at Aurora’s words. 
 “My first week there, I was assigned to Y/N and cause my auntie was makin me give her full on oral essays of every case I had, I missed out on one of ours and nearly let a patient die.  Now---his ass knows this.  He knows exactly who the fuck I am and who the fuck my aunt is.  And what did he do?  Chewed me out without a second thought.  I was *this* close to curb stomping his ass I swear--He even called Y/N amature after saving someone’s life because it ‘was sloppy’ and ‘wasn’t professional enough’.  And another thing--” 
You watched Aurora stand up, Henny in her hand, and just goin off on Ethan.  She was tearing into him, from him being able to get off the hook for punching Declan, verbally avicerating innocent interns, being all high and mighty--man, she hated his ass.  Elijah was just eating his scampi, vibing and Tobias was smiling like a proud parent, eating his burger. 
 “He gon have the nerve--the audacity--the CAUCASITY to assume that I’M trippin because I told him about Landry being all rude and dismissive of one of his black-female patients.  He nearly put ME on probation for helping deliver the baby properly when Landry prescribed her the wrong treatment for something cause neither of them will ever fuckin LISTEN and--”  You could not have been any more impressed.  You were just soaking it all in.  She finally sat back down and ate some of her wings.
Tobias sighs and grins.  “Damn. Elijah, you been real quiet...you wanna add your two cents?” he asks while Tobias took a big gulp and sat the glass back down.  He took a deep breath.
“No, no….I just want his long-neck-headass, mommy-didn’t-love-me-so-I’m-a-lil-bitch-headass, grudge-holding-grown-ass-man-headass, lemme-insult-my-interns-headass, pompous, privileged, irritating, high and oh so fuckin’ mighty ass to humble himself and learn to get his head and the stick he got outta his ass.  It ain’t cute to just bash everyone around you cause yo ass is feelin like Hamilton, ‘smartest in the room’ mofo.”  He said, all very calmly while finishing his drink.   You, Tobias and Aurora just exchanged a look….and broke out into a fit of laughs and smiling. 
A few drinks later and a hella amount of roasts later, you were cuddled up with Tobias while Elijah laid out on Aurora's lap. 
"Damn…..we really been up for hours now. Jackie and Sienna still out…" Elijah piped up and checked his phone. "They're at Bryce's place, having a 'girls night' with Keiki and sleepin over…..ooooo, Tobias should sleep over too!" He showed y'all a photo Sienna sent. 
"Uh-huh, you should! We can watch movies and... oh Elijah your hair is sooooo soft." Aurora smiled and was playfully twisting it. Seems like the drinks were finally hitting.  Tobias could tell too.
He managed to help Elijah back in his wheelchair and followed his directions to his room.  He came back out to you helping Aurora to her room.
"Byyyye boss. See ya at work! If you do stay over, y'all better be quiet while he rearrange them guts!" She poked you laughing as you rolled your eyes and got her in bed.  You walked back out, feeling tipsy yourself and plopped on the couch...with Tobias.
"Y'know….your friends definitely know how to go all in on a roast session. I found out shit about Ethan I didn't know till now."
"Mhmmmm….Henny is….is a miracle worker…" you slurred and laughed, laying up on him. "And yoooooouuu….are a fine-ass pillow." 
Before you succumbed to the exhaustion and hennessy, you felt Tobias's lips peck your cheek gently and his arms hold you tight against him.
The next day at work, you were taking your break and went outside to the courtyard...much to your surprise you found a few children--presumabley patients-- playing double dutch with some jump rope.
"Apples, peaches, pears, and plums
Tell me when your birthday comes! 1! 2! 3! 4!"
They were counting along as you hopped inside the rope, showing off a bit and laughing. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ethan walking towards the building.
"Hey, Ethan, wanna join? It may not be a dessert or two dutch girls--but it'll be fun!" You called out and teased while working the ropes. You could see his face turn red from where you were, and him muttering softly about Tobias. You couldn't help but laugh as you kept skipping and hopping away.
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kemetic-dreams · 4 years
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I pull a string on the lamp and shit darkens I'm living in an elegant Moroccan apartment Proletarian chicks sparking Convo weak and I don't really care for her jargon Balcony is windy, looking at the stars and Alky on the Henny, woozy in the head, wobbling Gucci pillow on the bed, while she giving nogging Listening and tripping off the Maxwell album Thinking I should leave to a European island Bristol and Spain, bring a book about Stalin Dinner serenaded with a violin But shorty not qualified to be took to that kind of outing Gotta be a fly bitch to hang around that fly shit Fine dining Olive Garden Nah bitch, Nas is In the real deal Food spots on the constant Pick the right wine, a Chianti to wash it Rolexes, synonymous shit I'm copping Ask her has she been around duffle bags Full of that fuck you cash Get off the jet with me in heels, I'll cup your ass Looking in my eyes saying "Nas, you're one lucky bastard" Grip your clutch, you'll get finger fucked in the passenger I hit the dutch, blow smoke out, music and laughter See us in the coupe flying past ya
[Verse 2] Esco, dress code, it changes Harrods in England Back to the star spangled labels in my closet hanging Counting wonder in the Tundra Get humbled or disgruntled when I come through, confront ya Let nothing slide, sly remarks, you must wanna die But you fronting, why? When we all know you pumpkin pie When we in the bus we fly better shit than Emirates To Dubai, to the Chi, I'm a crucial conflict Heaven sent, cause a storm, typhoon flood you out You are what a thug about, I'm a fucking juggernaut Never sleep, never tire, keep a freak I tie up Who don't speak, she quiet So I can think, conspire On my feet's a (?), and sometimes sneakers Wear ties at the Setai Miami Time-pieces are from Zurich It’s like I'm allergic, to Nonoxynol 9 Give it to you raw so you can feel it
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maxdbrackin · 5 years
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Week 2 Writing Exercises
1. My moment of realization to be a writer came over my sophomore year of college during spring break. Going to school in Washington State, I could only come home to Colorado during the New Year because of the plane fare, so I found myself all alone in the still, frosty Pullman air to do as I pleased. One afternoon, after working out, going to the sauna and and walking the streets, I decided to go to one of my ‘spots’ around campus where I occasionally escaped to be alone in nature to smoke a joint and watch the sunset. After sitting there for a few minutes, looking at the bright orange sky fade into a half crescent in a sea of gray, I pulled the j out. As I was about to light up, I saw a man smoking down below the ledge by a parking lot for RV’s. Being the only other soul in the vicinity, I decided to ask him if we would like to join me.
I walked down to a tall black man in baggy black jeans and an unzipped hoodie, white T-shirt glaring through. I asked if he had kush, and indeed he did. I invited him to sit up on the ledge with me, but he asked if I could help him move his tent. Huh? And so he repeated: “Can you help me move my tent?” So clearly this guy is homeless, but weed is weed, a fellow stoner is a fellow stoner, the sun is almost down, and I’m trying to get high! So let’s move a tent!
We moved all his belongings off of a rock that would cause the suitor of even the most well-aligned of spines to groan upon waking up in the morning. He had not too much to move, so it made it a lot easier. By the time we finished, the air was frigid and he got gloves at the gas station. We got back to his tent, and by then I would have surely lost a game of hide and seek with the long-gone sun. We FINALLY sat down, blazed up and kicked back. He also had some Henny which was a nice wake up to compliment the slow vibes of good ganja.
I couldn’t tell you how it ended up this way, but he ended up free styling for two hours. I played instrumental beats on my phone, and this man went dummy. Ridiculous bars on every track. He even did impersonations to the likes of MCs Lil Wayne, Drake and Slim Shady. This dude was a menace. He kept talking about his hood and I was cracking up. He tried to get me to spit on some, but I told him (and myself) that I couldn’t. Whenever I tried hopping on, I was booty.
As for his skills, it was the most impressive and awe-inspiring spectacle I’ve ever witnessed. After he and I parted ways, I went home and feeling comatose, slept for a slew of hours. The next day, I got three books: A Dutch slang dictionary, a book on Western European dialect, and How to Rap: The Art and Science of the Hip-Hop MC. The last book I am currently reading for the second time. Since then, I’ve learned to free style, created enough songs to drop a mix tape, and am now starting to collaborate with other musicians to hopefully make it in this game someday soon. All thanks to the homeless man with a j in his hand to inspire the plan for a Jew to go H.A.M.
2a. The author is explaining that the writer is a medium; a translator of languages outside of simply verbal. If one seeks to imagine the depths of hell, they can read Dante’s Inferno and travel through the Styx and explore each level as the suffering worsens in each one. If you want to know what it’s like living in the ghetto for real, listen to Torey Lanez’s “Pieces” featuring 50 Cent and see why his album is called Memories Don’t Die. If one doesn’t believe in themselves, hopefully another would recommend to them the book Illusions by Richard Bach to understand how much is really possible in this world.
b. “That is, I remembered that there’s a line between one thing and another...appreciation and scorn.” It’s a rough rhyme, but reading it from a rap perspective, I paused and said: “That’s a bar.” Honestly, I don’t really understand what the author was getting at, but I think it’s important to be aware of everything mentioned mentioned above. Without the goods, everything is depressing. Without admitting to anything bad, you’re lying to yourself. Both exist, as do frogs and bugs, but maybe that’s why you squash bugs and not frogs.
c. He learns that his writing kinda sucks, but it can become what his competition destroyed him with. He learned that the author has a unique opportunity with their pencil as a wand, magically bringing into existence what was not only a moment ago. People come to an author’s piece to feel or find something that they seek, maybe as a result of suffering, as most are bound to experience sooner or later. The work can be a comforting place to come because the author is no angel, no saint, he is a mortal man who suffers in the same way. The only difference is that he puts his suffering to the page.
d. If you a saint you ain’t shit   Think you the greatest you can quit
The day you die he’ll become even more famous with the shit that you spit
You ignorant ignoramus thinkin’ what I’m sayin’ is a joke
I’mma frog you mosquito, and I don’t croak when I swallow whole
I’ll allot you one goal take the pen to the page
Write ‘til nothing is blank and then give me one more
Let your thoughts pour passively from a pencil pack with .7 pretend lead
Leading you as you let go to a place you can’t go
All of a sudden it’s possible
Stop to cough now it’s gone
Damn, think I took too long
My tea’s no longer hot still 40 minutes on the clock
But look what I got jotted
Wait I spelled this wrong
Can’t even read my handwriting what am I on!
Oh well lemme toss it in the garbage ballin’ shot it Kobe!
Ah missed by an inch   Hit my aunt in the wrist
Now I’m in timeout   Ain’t that just a bitch.
3. I hooked up with a girl here once. Not this one specifically, but being here surrounded by books and empty chairs tempts me to text her again. See how she’s doing. I didn’t treat her the best in the beginning, but we ended up becoming really good friends. I even went with her to celebrate Thanksgiving because I couldn’t go home. Got chicken pocks while there. She claims that I gave it to her cousin, but I’d like to think it was the other way around. Black Friday shopping was a lot of fun; we didn’t stay for too long, I got what I wanted and finished, and she was very decisive with her purchases as well. I got crimson Timbs and a cozy plaid shirt to go with it. Tyra got hair and skin care products for her mom and relatives.
It’s actually weird how we met. I was added into a GroupMe for incoming freshman to Washington State. One day, while bored at my internship with no additional tasks at the moment, I decided to look through the members to see if there were any cute girls. I saw this one girl named Giulianna, and she was gorgeous. We ended up texting a lot, and she said she was coming to see some family in Colorado, and that we should hang out. I met her at a mall and walked the boardwalk with her. She was even more beautiful in person. One thing that I noticed however, we started to run out of things to talk about fairly quickly. But no matter, I couldn’t stop gawking at her caramel skin and luscious curves. That was the only time we ever did anything as more than friends, because she started dating a football player soon after we got to school.
But on the second night since arriving in Washington, she invited me to go with some friends to a house party, and that’s where I met Tyra. She had a choker on, and we started flirting right away. We hung out a lot that week, and at the time I was in Theta Chi. Wow did she love frat parties. I myself am not much of a party man, but when she was with me I felt like I could let loose and dance the night away. We went to a club on campus once, and she was able to get me to take off my shirt and dance on a platform for half an hour while a huge bubble bath covered us to the chest. She was so fun to hang out with. We had falling outs on two separate occasions, but we always found our way back to a friendship, usually from me apologizing for some rude remark I made or something stupid that I did that I didn’t know was stupid. Maybe I’ll see how she’s doing.
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riotofslience · 6 years
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look and down and saw man look up and saw us mix me, you and hollow tips and thats lust bring me, you the drinks her skirt pull that up we know the pains hurts who said that enough
now my drink get spilled on them titties lick it up you cannot waste it shot of ego wit no rocks you are my chaser dont kill the demons we just lock them in the basement from Washington to Franklin now thats a face lift gentlemen and bitch nigga get no ladies no north on my compass still a new Mercedes stacy dash off wit yo dame i turn Jay Z i meant dimes off the key i meant KD just like sticks wont connect you couldnt play me then rob a label wit a verse you gotta pay me with Margeilas wit no lace they say im lazy suck, fuck and fortnite she do it daily glock in her MCM my lil baby Saint Mishonda big time my lil lady he do it all? yes bitch i am amazing and line a nigga since i dont do the waiting they aint married to the money they just dating she cum at my place since im not complacent leather durag shit this a different wave length Katrina how i wave shit
dont trust in no one but Gods dont give up we feed the streets life no way to starve us from split and left dutch and guts on the bus and feens wit no teeth that inhale the dust look and down and saw man look up and saw us mix me, you and hollow tips and thats lust bring me, you the drinks her skirt pull that up we know the pains hurts who said that enough
now my drink get spilled thats $200 Henny you can't fake it dont make the rules, I win, you can not change it out the ran to a rover thats range bitch and off white shit guess the money stained it
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