#GENUINELY WHAT I LOOK LIKE ATM. THIS HAS ME FUCKING FERAL

[percyjacksonpdf]

#HELLO. HELLO. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo #pjo tv #annabeth chase #* #GENUINELY WHAT I LOOK LIKE ATM. THIS HAS ME FUCKING FERAL #ANNABETH HAS NEVER FELT PRIORITIZED SHE’S NEVER TRULY FELT IMPORTANT OR LOVED. AND THEN. AND THEN!

[vanillaheartzxx]

OKAY HI YAY THE PROMISED POST OF MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS!!

(very very long post! i tried to section everything incase there is only certain things you care about hearing my opinion on.♡︎) and i did put the name of the video(s) i was mainly talking about at the top, but i’m talking about other videos as well, so please be aware of that! and apologies for any grammar mistakes, i tried to read through it, but i like to have inspiration af late hours of the night where i can barely type 🙂 (i also won’t be talking about project meridian just because i haven’t even caught up to the most recent video, nor vega because i don’t feel like rewatching atm!)

⚠️SPOILERS TO LIKE EVERYTHING⚠️

index…?

1. hush

2. avior

3. brachium

4. solaire clan

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1. HUSH⇩

•You Save A Mysterious Stranger’s Life

•There’s A Stranger In Your Apartment

•Getting To Know Your Mysterious Stranger

okay i absolutely adore the voice erik has been using for hush like it’s super like ‘plain’(?) but it’s like perfect for his character. it’s not crazy deep, high, monotone or anything like that. (it’s sweet!)

when his first video came out i wrote some things about it, and here’s what i said (with a couple of edits LOL)

(intial thoughts!)

hush is very, VERY intriguing. but most importantly,

WE’RE EMPOWERED!!!!!!!!

YESSSSS AT FIRST I WAS SCARED WE WERE HUMAN

WE ARE A FUCKING HEALER YESSSS

IM SO SO HAPPY

HE CALLS US DOC YES PLEASEE

(i was feral??)

anyways my hush first episode deep analysis 🤗 (bullshit)

now for hush, i feel like we’ll guess everything under the sun, from that he’s a sovereign, he’s a shade, he’s a demon shade hybrid whatever, and then come to find out he’s actually david’s left asshole hair but i do have some small theories of my own

i feel like he is genuinely a part of the meridian. like a chunk of it. i don’t know what he looks like, (probably a human like body, obviously, or the listener wouldn’t have tried to help). the only reason i say this is because when he was giving the ‘complicated’ answer of what he was, i couldn’t even begin to tell you what the fuck the visuals might have been. (if there were any) i don’t know what the meridian looks like, but maybe that’s what it sounds like? also he has no core.

i would like to mention when the video might have taken place. we have no clue is what i wanted to point out. this could be before the inversion, the day after, the next decade after, the decade before, hundreds of years before, etc. it has become a bit troublesome in that department as erik likes to drop random time and date drops in his story push videos. (ex; avior and elliot, which is very convient i might add)

i’m scared of hush’s intentions like he tied us up after we saved him and i hate when i like evil kind of guys 😭

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i didn’t finish writing everything i was thinking, but with the most recent videos this is what i have to add on.

hush literally told us straight up ‘i can understand why they think (the articulates, chorus) they have to (send articulates to kill him). oh that’s easy. because they think i’m going to free their god from the prison they’re in. well they think that because that’s *exactly what i’m going to do.*’

UHM OKAY?? huge bomb dropped on us. BUT that solidified to me he was a chunk of meridian. no core, not exactly human, not a demon. (okay thats probably wrong but what the fuck else 😭)

and besides that all i have else to say is for the timing thing, i still have no idea, i want to think it’s after inversion but i’m not sure. (if you have any theories on the timing please let me know what you think!)

but besides all that i think he’s sweet and its cute he’s trying to learn stuff for doc especially cooking 😭💓

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2.AVIOR⇩

•Facing a Disaster With Your Demon Lover

there was definitely a lot happening in one episode. (also i watched it when it was released so my memory of every detail is bit iffy, spare me 🙏) it was like heartbreak all over again, hearing lasko stressed out and all the people screaming and yelling definitely wasn’t pleasant, but it was interesting seeing what else happened on the outside besides what we already know.

also, the inversion has been almost two years ago now. so i really wonder how starlight and avior are doing in present time. i would say ‘hopefully peaceful’ but present time isn’t even peaceful 🙃

honestly its been a while since i’ve watched all avior lore, and i think when the next lore(?) video of him comes out i’ll theorize a bit more, this post is definitely long but i don’t want it to be too extensive. (bullshit)

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3.BRACHIUM⇩

•What Lies Below

WHY DID HE AGREE WITHOUT KNOWING 😭

my heart broke when he agreed to that ‘deal’ just to find out why blake’s lover would die and HE DIDNT KNOW WHAT HE WAS AGREEING TO. AND THEN TO FIND PUT HE HAS TO HELP THEM?? WHY

now he has to do whatever they say to help?? why 😭

and why do the sovereigns need to use blake and bestie(?) i only ask because is hush not going to free them? well to be fair we have no idea when this thing with hush is even taking place, or when bestie is set to die, or what blake is even going to do when he ‘breaks’ to free them.

and what if his will is strong enough and he doesn’t break? or his listener doesn’t die? 🤗 (wishful thinking guys!)

but actually going back to the audio whoever brachium was talking to DID say,

‘He is a tool. One that has to be broken so that it can be refashioned to a new purpose.’

KEY WORD: REFASHIONED. maybe hush is a chunk of meridian, but with blake’s body..? but he has not core. OKAY IDFK BUT he must be related to hush somehow i just don’t know how. i’ll think on it more. but blake is only a seer so i really don’t know what he could do with his current power, but who knows really.

also the entity (that’s just what i’m calling him idk) brachium was talking to said (in response to: ‘Accept a deal that I have no details of?’) ‘You’ve done it before. The blind choice to become a deathwalker.’ that has me so very curious on what the process of becoming a death walker was like. (okay it probably was explained sort of somewhere, but i don’t remember.) the entity also said ‘You say it was in service of lives.’ whose lives? i have no idea! wow great! 😀

but actually i have no ideas so hopefully everything will be explained eventually 😭

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4. VINCENT, PORTER, MONARCHAL SUMMIT⇩

•Supporting Your Vampire Prince Lover

•Drawn In By An Alluring Vampire

•The Vampire Boys Have It Out

•The Monarchal Summit

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A LOT A STUFF HAPPENED REGARDING THE SOLAIRES

i’ll start with first vincent’s video regarding the summit. WILL IS ACTING FISHY AS FUCK?? he’s hosting the monarchal summit, but he’s just NOT GOING TO BE THERE?? and is leaving everything to vincent?!? how does that even equate?? and then his fishy attitude towards ALEXIS?? that just seems sketch. (i want to get into william more, but talk about porter rq, ig.)

porter solaire. HES BRITISH.(🎊🎉) he’s quite charming, (when he wants to be,) but i can see where vincent and porter’s disagreement came from, but it was semi-resolved (they still have a bit of conflict) so i’m not going to go into and i’m just gonna dissect the summit!

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okay the beginning made me so freaking happy to see the boys hanging out with each other!! and especially the friendly banter 😭💓

AND VINCENT GIVING LOVELY A CROWN MY HEART AUGH 💗🥲

and idk if michaela (william’s secretary!) with have anything to do with the story but it’s cool when characters have names even if you don’t know them 👍

anyways into the more not so heartwarming parts, alexis solaire.! SHE HAS THE PERFECT PERSON TO VOICE HER. that is EXACTLY how i’d imagined she’d sound. and honestly how’d she act as well. i didn’t think she’d be nice to darlin, but i was definitely thinking more of a nasty glare, growl, show of teeth or something and not full on banter, and insults, but i guess that’s just how she acts.

WHERE IS WILLIAM SOLAIRE?? WHERE. like there is no way he just was like, ‘yes vincent, take of the entire planning of the summit, that i’m supposed to be hosting. 😊 and also, i’m not even going to tell you why! and the day of i’m not even going to talk to you! let alone on the phone! 🥰’ LIKE?? AND THEN SOMEONE DIES?? (we’ll get to that.) SERIOUSLY?!

and then ‘House of Baz(?) (truly not sure how it’s spelled) starts saying ‘Make sure Quinn burns.’ ‘It’s not only your pack who wants him dead.’ ‘Quinn has friends and you can’t count on William to keep them at bay.’ (not quotes btw just a summary!) EXCUSE ME??? 😭 WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? DROPPING BOMBSHELLS AND WILLIAM ISNT EVEN THERE TO SAY ANYTHING. AND NOT ONLY BUT HE HIS DISSING ALL OF THEM 💀 ‘Even the golden prince Vincent has spent most of his afterlife as a covert risking menace to the region.’ AND THATS A DIRECT QUOTE. HE IS FLAMING THEM 😭 and with each sentence i swear he is backhandedly insults William and he can’t even be there to defend his name LMAO

but, it does say a lot about him. (i guess if this guy is a semi-reliable source.) ‘William is a horrible judge of character.’ ‘He can throw a fabulous party but can’t surround himself with the right people.’ ’He shields and excuses Alexis and her misgivings.’ ’He apparently delights in trusting the wrong ones.’ HE IS VIOLATING HIM. VIOLATING. this is not me saying all that is not potentially true, but damn 😭 i mean he’s 500+, give him a break? but then again WHERE IS HE??? (lowkey concerned for his safety)

a small little thing with alexis and porter, then the main event.

alexis and sam still must have a small little understanding since she decided to leave darlin alone (as she said at least) but alexis full on said that darlin was dog and he didn’t say anything 😭 i mean i guess he wasn’t trying to argue further but i just took notice.

i was trying to theorize where porters info came from, and all i can think of is a seer. (boring way out ik) now if it was a seer he talked to before the event, (which is why he came back in the first place, possibly, maybe.) he knew they were going to have that conversation, and so he told sweetheart to spy, but then im not sure if he knew that death was going to to happen, but im not sure. or maybe he heard rumors, or overheard them saying they may had that conversation which makes more sense, but hopefully more will be revealed.

WHAT WERE THEY TALKING ABOUT??!

‘If we had waited for you to make decisions two years ago “King” then the entire Inversion would have been for nothings” EXCUSE ME??! okay, okay, i kinda don’t believe this. maybe they had some connection to it. and yes i skipped some so let’s talk about them funding closeknit.

okay so they are funding closeknit because they want to people to join, but the amount of people joining and staying are plummeting because the inversion was two years ago. i have a sneaking suspicion that the reason they were like ‘the inversion was for nothing’ was because closeknit had convinced them somehow that they were the cause, and it would draw people in, and then they’d(house of bennett) would have power. there isn’t a lot of context, but definitely eye openers.

the only thing we have right now to go on is that the sovereigns caused the inversion, (releasing the dead ig? idfk too much shit to keep track of) and i don’t know if they have the power, (or closeknit even) to cause the inversion.

also regarding the timing thing i said about hush earlier, i do believe his whole shabang is in present time because nothing is happening. everything inversion related, sovereigns related, whatever is happening is IN THE PAST. which means in present time blake’s listener could already be dead AND he could have already have ‘broke’ and has something to do with hush (possibly) to help free them.

i was trying to think if closeknit didn’t actually cause the inversion (what i think) but tried to convince the house of bennet to fund them, (if they weren’t already,) it would be showing them the shade. idk bro im grasping onto loose strings here 😭 but PLEASE let me know your theories (that might be the case that blake ‘broke’ in maybe 2022 and he was being kept for a while like the articulate who came to doc’s apartment said.)

(back to the summit♡︎)

DEATH OR MURDER??

okay so the obvious suspect is sweetheart right? king of bennett and prince(?) of bennett having a VERY interesting and PRIVATE conversation, sweetheart goes in to spy on said conversation, those two hear a sound, it wasn’t just a mouse, and then the king of bennett is dead. i think it’s easiest to assume murder. and what could have naturally killed him…? nothing. to my knowledge. 😊

MURDER ( only viable option..?)

first i want to quickly talk about porter and vincent’s interaction before i talk about how the king may have died. porter tried to start a fight with vincent which i assume was for one of two reasons. one, to make a distraction so people would pay attention to them and sweetheart had a chance to leave, OR because he had something to do with the murder and maybe a distraction was apart of the plan. i think the latter.

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i don’t think alexis is the killer. ‘but she knew he was dead before anyone!’ what motive did she have? none that i know of, and neither did porter(well maybe he knew that conversation was happening could be one but whatever.)

BUT i guess sweetheart may have had a tiny ass motive as they might have been angry at what they heard, (after all milo went through) BUT i don’t think they would do that. and even if they got caught they would have to murder both of them for them not to get in trouble. now my tiny theory is that sweetheart DID get caught spying and maybe the prince thought the king sent someone to assassinate him and then yk but whatever (far fetched 😔) IDFK we don’t even know the cause of death. 😭 Alexis just said he’s dead, not ‘the king of Bennett was killed’ or some shit so we don’t even know. and as a vampire, how many causes of death could he really have? does garlic and wooden stakes apply?? can he get murdered in regular human fashion?? WAS HE EVEN MURDERED??

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as you can tell this post has many questions and zero fucking answers. like could he have been poisoned?? what can vampires be killed by in the redacted universe?? i’m guessing the number one suspect is the person who was in the room with him ‘alone’, but i feel that’s too obvious. and i mean we don’t know the exact time jump from when the king was killed, from when porter was trying to instigate a reaction from vincent, from when alexis found the body, when sweetheart went to spy, etc. we don’t even know exactly where the body was found. 😭 so i’m not going to settle on any one person being ‘the killer’ for now until another video is released but i have a feeling it won’t be like an exact continuation of the summit and maybe like an aftermath type video. idk but we’ll wait and see i guess.

Random(er) Thoughts + Conclusion

HE POSTED AN OLLIE VIDEO?? THAT MEANS WE’RE FUCKED‼️

(calm before the storm, great!) 💔

also credits to kilarthmac in the youtube comments!! i don’t know if you have a tumblr but your comments helped with this post immensely, (and many others,) thank you! 💓

im also interested in when the wedding might be!! i know the timing is usually around a year of engagement before marriage so maybe in early spring 2024!! just a thought! (super exciting)

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anyways i hope maybe my thoughts and opinions could help you with any of your theories or anything, maybe expand them or something idk. if you read the entire thing thank you for doing so! i hope it was somewhat enjoyable 👍 (and my apologies for it being so long ♡︎) i’m excited to see what comes next with everything, erik is very talented with his writing and acting so we’ll see what’s to come. if you have any comments about anything i said (adding on, reasons why things may or may not be true) PLEASE SHARE THEM WITH ME!! i would truly love to hear them! thank you!!

BYE BYE!! ♡︎

#yay i’m finally finished with this #honestly it was super fun writing this #i thought of things i didn’t even realize initially #anyways hope it was kinda enjoyable for anyone who read! #thank you! #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted hush #redacted avior #redacted brachium #redacted blake #redacted bestie #redacted william #redacted solaire clan #redacted porter #redacted vincent #redacted sam #redacted alexis #redacted shaw pack #redacted darlin #redacted milo #redacted sweetheart #redacted the balance #redacted sovereign state #redacted inversion #FUCK SHIT TON OF TAGS

[punkscowardschampions]

Casey & Janis Pt.6

Janis: [‘you think you can take my whole hand, Case?’ tracing our remaining fingers around your hole ‘I take all your dick, don’t I’ moving like you’re in fast forward it’s so uninhibited and out of control]

Casey: [‘it’s not up to me’ cos gotta echo what she just said however impossible speaking seems to be atm ‘to do owt but keep up with you anyway’ cos so proud of her for taking all this all the time truly]

Janis: [kissing you like it’s a first kiss to directly contrast the fact we’re pushing more fingers inside you and riding your dick so aggressively it’s ridiculous ‘you’ve always kept up with me, there’s never been any doubt’]

Casey: [his levels of determination to see this through and not die before she’s done getting her whole hand up there are actually adorable despite the feralness of everything else always, god bless you, boy, we stan you looking so cute whilst being so hot at the same time]

Janis: [stroking his red cheeks so tenderly like we aren’t fist fucking you whilst you fuck us, moaning ‘you should see how good you’re doing’ because we’re so impressed honestly ‘do whatever you need to me to make you cum, please’]

Casey: [how she sounds on that moan as well as what she says getting to him SO much that he has to kiss her with a mouthful of blood because of how hard he’s bitten his tongue about it to try and keep this going forever]

Janis: [when you have to let this blood run down your throat to make you gag into this kiss because nothing else will do when you’re this far gone, yet these kisses are so soft and also on your bitten tongue ‘cos must comfort you whilst still v much carrying on the antics ‘you’re throbbing, I can feel how much you need to explode’]

Casey: [he will HAVE TO because she did so many of his fave things into that kiss, aside from the fact these antics are very much still going on, and that she literally gave him full permission to at the end there, how could he not, he’s only human]

Janis: [the way we’re expanding all of our fingers as wide as we can inside you when you do, losing all control of the rest of our body as you cum inside us because of course it’s making us cum, spilling some of this blood from our mouth down our chest and onto our stomach and yours]

Casey: [we always say this but I genuinely don’t know how y’all are recovering from that, gonna be here dead for a WHILE, nevertheless will be drawing a heart with his finger in some of that blood on her whilst y’all are recovering]

Janis: [truly we’re so dead and that has just ended us again, not us using your own cum to draw one on you back]

Casey: [who else would find that the most romantic gesture ever if not this boy, y’all are fated and how he’s looking at and smiling at her is adorable]

Janis: [‘put a million babies in me’ then doing a stupid smile because we can’t think of any clever or emotional enough way to say how much we love you rn, we’re too dead]

Casey: [‘I dunno how you’ve not worked it out yourself, mate, but that’s not how babies get made’ cos can’t resist the bants ever lol]

Janis: [‘keep trying ‘til we get it right’ nudging you with our head like shh]

Casey: [‘okay’ so soft and affectionate and in love]

Janis: [‘okay’ with the happiest of sighs]

Casey: [so glad y’all are the opposite of squeamish because it’d be a miracle if there wasn’t some actual poo floating in this bath as if baby me had appeared ready to blame Trace for the antics, and y’all are in no position to be getting out of here quick and in horror]

Janis: [lmao oh boo, you do amuse me, the way neither of you would even bat an eyelid is iconic tbh]

Casey: [gonna be amazing parents because there’s nothing capable of grossing them out]

Janis: [literally, god bless, not going to rush you but you will need to get out of this bath eventually, just looking at you like oh boy, because the state we’re both in now]

Casey: [let it start to go cold again and you can then when one of you shivers or something, for now, just chilling, trying to go back to breathing in a way that isn’t totally insane, looking at the girl he loves like the non verbal equivalent of the softest hey whilst also doing the checks that she’s okay and he didn’t hurt her more than either of y’all would want]

Janis: [just doing a tiny nod that makes us do the hoarsest laugh of all time ‘I’m so good’ sounding like a brag but not unwarranted anyway, just attempting to relax all his muscles and not get distracted by how hot he is]

Casey: [doing his own nod and a blush cos not over how good she was, to the extent that he has to bury his face and listen to her heartbeat because not okay with the reminders his mind is throwing at him happening this soon]

Janis: [just cuddling him, also trying not to remember suffocating him with our boob, failing but at least not repeating what we’re reminiscing on here, making our heart thud even more]

Casey: [there’s no way he wouldn’t be remembering that either and how he dropped the m word not at all casually, making a quiet lil but very !! noise about it]

Janis: [shhing you but you can hear the !! in it because we don’t want to mean it ‘you can say it whenever you want, too’ because he said it about the d word so we gotta]

Casey: [‘til she gets mardy enough to haunt us’ with the exact tone you would use to express the idea of your dead mum showing up rn of all moments, v awkward of you Debbie, excuse you hun]

Janis: [‘be typical of mine to bother showing now’ like quite the party, thanks Caleb but we’re shrugging ‘it ain’t like it’s about him, beyond the issues, of course’]

Casey: [shaking his head and probably accidentally tickling her because he has not moved, cos she doesn’t have the level of daddy issues so many girls he’s slept with have]

Janis: [smoothing his hair down with some water like hey ‘it’s alright, if you’re headwrecked or you ain’t’ because let’s not start judging each other now, imagine]

Casey: [lifting his head to look at her because she knows him so well and vice versa at this point there’s nothing that needs to be said about what issues you both do or don’t have and there’s defs no judgement for any of it]

Janis: [‘I don’t care, you can take any of it back at any time’ 🤏 with it though because we have to be honest that we may be a tiny bit gutted but you know what we’re saying as well as we understand your look]

Casey: [‘I’d care, it’d bother me if I did that to you’ the unspoken but SO loud I’m not jimothy and I refuse to go back on things I’ve said and done being beyond blatant]

Janis: [‘it’s not the stuff that matters’ because entirely different if you turned around and said you didn’t want to be with us now, then we would have to kill you and die]

Casey: [‘it matters in its own right’ cos y’all spend so much time being feral how could it not if you just turned around and was like actually none of that was legit bye]

Janis: [put your hands up like okay, fair point ‘you know what I mean too’ just like doing something once doesn’t mean you got to again, of course]

Casey: [‘I get it’ cos he do, always, stroking her hair as softly as she did his not long ago ‘can’t not get you’ cos she always be making fair points herself and also he just knows her that well]

Janis: [tapping his head how we do like yeah ‘well in there by now’ because you just know each other that well and have for a long time by this point]

Casey: [‘deep as’ not making that sentence a full one cos we all know he’s referring to the feral antics without it having to be said]

Janis: [still out here making dramatic af sounds because it’s WAY too soon to be remotely over it in a physical or emotional sense tah, laying our head on your chest to hear your heartbeat instead of our own in our ears ‘you’re the fittest boy in the whole world’]

Casey: [‘can’t keep up with you at that, like’ when you’re not even insecure remotely and you don’t mean it like that, she just is the fittest and literally a model and you’re never over it]

Janis: [‘yes you can’ grumpily like you hush now ‘you’re so-‘ tutting at ourself to cut us off ‘don’t start me on that again, like’ because we’ll only get carried away and we all know it]

Casey: [amusement you can hear in his voice ‘alright’ cos you likewise know sir you’ve gotta eventually get out of this bath and she’ll have to go to the effort of re-doing his bandages thanks to how wet they got ‘gutted if you was struck off’ bad nurses bants cos you both know she’s made him feel the most better possible in the sauciest way ‘so I’ll be a top patient, promise, best you’ll ever have’]

Janis: [‘be my luck’ ‘cos you’re such a terrible patient but we’re saying it with too much love to be taken seriously about it, absentmindedly rubbing the edge of these bandages between our finger and thumb ‘you are getting much better at doing what you’re told’ flashing a quick LOOK at you because we know what we’re referring to lol]

Casey: [turning her quick LOOK into a more lingering one cos always gotta make things even more extra than they were, especially in this feral era, no notes lol]

Janis: [we’ll be here blushing ‘I-’ because don’t even know where to begin ‘should be washing you, now that you’re here’ because truly, may as well now, get this shower back and on a comfortable temperature]

Casey: [‘too right, you’ as if it’s purely all her fault, because that’s how it feels, he’s just here getting derailed constantly by everything he feels and y’all can’t get anything done except the sauciest of antics, but of course he nods when she’s gonna make the attempt like go on cos it makes sense]

Janis: [‘best behaviour all ‘round’ like I heard and I’m on board, you try lads, you really do; if you start at the bottom and work your way up, you can navigate the uninjured areas like his feet and legs first]

Casey: [the absolute spitting image of the smirking emoji like sure Jan because he has no faith in y’all not to get distracted and even less desire for that best behaviour obvs, demonstrating this by childishly kicking some water at her since they are uninjured and he can]

Janis: [😯 like how very dare you x2, tickling the bottom of the foot you are holding like I can make you behave one way or another]

Casey: [his lols because that’s such a ticklish spot bringing Chubby in from wherever he was snoozing like HELLO parents so he’s like ‘I get it, you’ll be sorted now there’s reinforcements’ as if she summoned him cos he’s a big baby and thus the big guns]

Janis: [‘he can show you how to behave, more like’ which is half a drag because he’s still a baby and not fully trained but much better than you is the vibe, hence giving this pup some love]

Casey: [not this boy just wrecking this bathroom even further because we all know he’ll just be aiming this shower head at Chubby in his mouth so he can bite it and wherever else he wants to playfully like pounce on it bub etc etc, oh the fucks he don’t give ‘what were it you was saying?’ like I’m soz I didn’t catch that over the sounds of this dog misbehaving lol]

Janis: [just watching this carnage unfurl, shaking our head like we’re so unamused but we��re blatantly unable to keep the smile off our face because Chubby is such a fool ‘you’re giving yourself a lot to live up to’ like how are we going to top this mess being made 😏]

Casey: [just unwrapping one of his many bandages and wrapping Chubby up like he’s a mummy with it, nbd, until he eventually gets them off and then starts zooming around with them like a mad fool, thus disappearing temporarily so giving him a look like oh okay bye and giving her a LOOK like where were we and let’s see]

Janis: [slowly unwrapping the rest because fresh will be necessary at this point, and really lightly touching the now exposed skin with our fingers ‘how does it feel?’ quietly, in contrast to the running water and this dog zooming in the background]

Casey: [when the way he winces, physically and the verbal equivalent, speak for him, as does the fact he’s not bothering to hide either from her ‘but I’ll be okay’ his tone making it known he means rn even because he’s got her and she is taking such good care of him, feral antics aside]

Janis: [holding the shower as far away as we can so the water that hits you isn’t too much even, but the heat from it should be nice, as well as the benefit of staying as clean as we can for the antiseptic and bandaging to be worth the effort you’re going to ‘you will be’ nodding and smiling a little when we meet your eye like it’s true and we mean it, this is shit but it will all heal, giving each area a tiny kiss as we move the water to another part of him that has been covered by bandaging]

Casey: [‘you’ll have both of us back out working soon as, you keep all that up’ as if it’s the little kisses and the little kisses only that are doing it, closing his eyes as if she’s doing so much more than she is because he isn’t used to softness yet, y’all haven’t been together long enough]

Janis: [‘no one has to know, point of a sickie, ain’t it’ like we can keep quiet how healed you are, don’t worry ‘relax’ as his eyes are closing like that’s right]

Casey: [‘longest I’ve had’s [a number of days] when [an illness I won’t commit us to because we might decide to go back and do it one day cos the era before you get together is always a fun one]’ like remember, cos who would he have let look after him even slightly if not her and smiling about whatever he’s remembering from then when she did, keeping his eyes closed cos she basically told him to therefore he must]

Janis: [being like oh yeah, now I do ‘trying to age me, even then’ ‘cos of course we would’ve been actually concerned, clearly weren’t just a cold and like you said, who else was actually going to be able to help ‘can’t get you out of Irish now but…’ like you better think this is better lmao, now being the time we’re focusing on washing your butt and the like because we do need to spend some time there making sure we didn’t hurt you and giving some TLC]

Casey: [‘never worked though, did it?’ like you’re still STUNNING it’s fine ‘and I could get myself out of Irish no bother, but…’ shoutout to that school counsellor lady who did fuck all but that, cos obviously this is better and whatever he’s remembering is clearly also a mood even if it was purely just the fact Janis obviously really cared so he therefore can’t even commit to the bants, especially not of pretending we liked her more]

Janis: [‘didn’t let me skive with you though, did you’ ‘cos I can see it now, you’d want her to, obviously, but then Jimmy would obviously want to stay home too and Casey would be FUMING like go away lol]

Casey: [‘letting you now, aren’t I?’ cos that’s the absolute TEA of how it would’ve happened, you’re so right for that my boo, so talking about making up for lost time is more of the vibe than dwelling on any of that, LOVE that you’re calling this a skive when you couldn’t possibly be more injured]

Janis: [doing a little ha like okay, true ‘I am paying for this room, like’ like who’s letting who skive really but we’re likewise getting distracted being v thorough about this clean up]

Casey: [I don’t even need to say that whatever sassy retort he thought about making isn’t happening because of how thorough she’s being rn, can only bite his lip so that he’s not once again being indecent thanks to those vivid flashbacks, we all know it]

Janis: [‘sorry’ like he’s mad about it remotely, making a big show of composing yourself like this is SUCH serious business, we all remember ‘I can take care of you without…’ prove it honestly because it’s been no time at all lmao]

Casey: [when the sorry would get to him too because the reminder pre your first hookup when you were both just pretending you were gonna sleep and trying to get comfy for it, soz boy there’s nowhere to hide, all these flashbacks happening and her literally able to see you getting turned on as it’s occurring and exactly how much you are ‘we don’t need to go without, I ain’t dying, and anyway, there’s the send off I’d be after if I were about to’]

Janis: [good thing you aren’t shy because we are just staring at you getting turned on, unrepentantly despite the sorry we gave you ‘what are you thinking about?’ because we wanna know]

Casey: [I’d have to go re-read to do it but for you sir there’s been no time and you’d remember it vividly obvs so just recount every moment from the first sorry to just before y’all actually went for it, as if you’re leaving her on a cliffhanger]

Janis: [the way we’d obviously be able to flawlessly continue that story because imprinted in our memory forever, never mind how fresh it is currently making it what your head basically defaults to]

Casey: [just here listening intently as though every word and moment isn’t likewise imprinted, getting more and more turned on by the second nbd]

Janis: [‘It’ll never not be mad to me, that I’m allowed to touch you now, whenever we like’ because what a ride from never alone basically to this, emphasising the word touch by doing just that, but with our foof so you can feel how turned on we are too to make it fair]

Casey: [‘and however’ cos y’all are into some freaky shit so that feels like an addition that needs to be tacked on like can’t believe we get to do all that, even if it’s basically fully a moan when he says it]

Janis: [‘every way’ which we sincerely mean, whether there is actually a line for y’all or not, we feel like we want to do everything it is possible to do with you]

Casey: [kissing her EXACTLY like he did the first time ever, a not at all casual perfect reenactment without even trying just cos of how vividly you were both talking and thinking about that moment]

Janis: [‘we’ve never used a condom’ because all this reminiscing has you thinking about all your many hookups by this point, clearly thrilled by this revelation, it would be a hassle how many you’d get through]

Casey: [‘can guarantee you’re already paying too much for this room’ like we’d be bankrupt if you had to start buying them as well, where’s the lie, but we all know he’s buzzing too and how unlike him that is]

Janis: [tutting like you’re telling me because this isn’t ideal but we couldn’t bear to be anywhere else ‘but you said you’d live in the car with me’ because he did]

Casey: [‘I’d live on the streets outside that crackhead pharmacy with you’ cos he would, so sincerely ‘anywhere, even my dad’s again’]

Janis: [‘he’d only allow that to have the pleasure of calling me a fatherless black slag to my face’ but we’re placing our body protectively over yours like no, you’re not going anywhere near him]

Casey: [‘I’d not allow it, I didn’t’ cos we all know how this brawl with Ian started properly and it was with him slagging Janis off so]

Janis: [‘he can think what he likes, you love me’ because we aren’t interested Ian, so soz ‘I’ll put up with worse than his to be with you’]

Casey: [‘I know you would, but you won’t have to put up with nowt from nobody, not for as long as I’m with you’ can and would fight the entire world and is promising to, nbd]

Janis: [‘you aren’t going anywhere’ playfully using our arm to pin you to this bath, not hard enough you are injured or couldn’t actually get out but you get the point ‘mine’]

Casey: [getting out of it but only so that he can give her the biggest and most dramatic hug he is able]

Janis: [hugging you back with as little concern to your injuries as we can manage because we want it to be a proper hug ‘thank you, for standing up for me even though I didn’t deserve it’]

Casey: [‘neither of us deserve his bollocks’ because deep down you know that you don’t either boy even though it goes against every instinct and everything Ian ever did to make you think you do]

Janis: [‘no one does’ with a sad noise because too real, stroking your bruised face right now]

Casey: [‘nobody else’ll have to’ looking at where baby Jac is when he says this like don’t worry gal under NO circumstances will you or anybody of your generation have to be around him ‘it stops here, with me’ cos Jimothy and Bobby severed that tie long before you did so yeah, end of the line Ian you bitch]

Janis: [pressing our forehead against yours in the most comforting manner because we know how big a deal this is for you and how much it means to us that you would even try ‘if it’s just me and you for the rest of our lives and everyone else hates me, I’d still need you and choose you’]

Casey: [‘bit rude of us to say I wouldn’t be fuming about it, what with you in exile instead of plastered on the side of a building, but you know I’d not, you heard, you’re everything I want’ cos he said that I saw it in the re-read]

Janis: [‘I’ve always been that, and you too, I can’t belong with or to anyone else’ like we have to be together, wherever and however we have to make it happen]

Casey: [‘you’re mine and I’m yours, end of’ cos yep hard agree, kissing her again as if it needs further emphasis]

Janis: [‘we were just meant to be together, end up like this’ inbetween kisses, sitting in your lap, letting the water run over you as a pair]

Casey: [doing the trying to pull her closer thing even though she can’t be ‘just like this’ and you know how it sounds because of how turned on he was and is]

Janis: [‘I’m not sorry, I’m really not, if every thing Ian said was true, I still wouldn’t be’ pulling his wrist we bit on that first time to us to see if the mark is still there]

Casey: [regardless of whether it’s faded remotely or not, putting said wrist to her mouth so she can bite it again because of course he wants her to]

Janis: [and we will because it’s necessary for you to have injuries you want and consented to, if you ask us lol, maintaining eye contact because we’re fully in our emotions recalling how far we’ve come and how we got to here]

Casey: [doing his wiping her eyes though she’s not crying move while he maintains the eye contact, to signify that he gets how she’s in her emotions and why and it’s a hard same]

Janis: [‘one day’ because he still hasn’t cried and we feel like we’ve never cried so much in our entire life as we have since this entire situation, busying ourself licking the trail of blood going from his wrist to his elbow, so you can be extra about how you look doing that]

Casey: [literally does not blink the entire time she’s doing that, even though big blinks are as close as he can get to crying and he’d love to give her that but soz we can’t miss a second here, until he pulls her into a kiss to taste the blood obvs, close your eyes then please hun, we know y’all don’t always and it’s unsettling]

Janis: [just happily coating every corner of your mouth in your blood with our tongue right now, taking it very seriously like if you want a taste you’ll get a taste, baby ‘I ain’t gonna bleed for ages’ thinking about the period you aren’t having and won’t probably until you’re done breastfeeding Jameson lowkey]

Casey: [defs biting her earlobe for that throwback and so he can be as extra about the blood trail as she just was, cos not like that but it’s a promise that he’ll keep making her bleed as many ways as he can]

Janis: [using your blood to write your name on his chest because we’re !! and in big love]

Casey: [giving her BIGGEST heart eyes for that cos hard same]

Janis: [just licking your name on his face, even if there’s not enough blood lingering that it stays once the spit has dried, just to be ferally adorable about it ‘we don’t have to leave’ as if this has just hit you because lowkey kinda like we keep forgetting that apart from Bobby thinking you should be back, no one else does and you haven’t run away with a deadline to return]

Casey: [when it then likewise hits you too that you have nowhere to be unlike when y’all ran away before, he doesn’t even have a job to go to rn, oh the freedom, hence he can’t help doing the BIGGEST grin about it ‘loads of time for us to find you a house’ cos she said she wanted one before and we haven’t forgotten]

Janis: [doing a slightly unhinged laugh because this all seems very unreal and like you’re just playing a game still because it’s obviously not sunk in that the place you shared with Jimmy is not home now, you can’t expect that to hit when most of your stuff is still there and so is he ‘crackhead pharmacy doorway might be more like it’ because the fear setting in]

Casey: [shaking his head because job or no job he can do slightly better than that and he intends to, drawing the childlike shape of a house, aka a square with a triangle on top of it and then squares for windows and a door, on her stomach like he’s literally putting a roof over baby Jac’s head]

Janis: [drawing said baby in one window and Chubby in another but realising this is probably getting a little too complex to translate to him so just smiling down at your stomach like never mind ‘least my mum’s has lots of rooms’ quietly but like, we aren’t totally fucked, if everything goes wrong ‘barely even lived there before-’ before you met Jimmy and then just moved yourself in]

Casey: [when you were drawing a v simple tree shape like oh I forgot they’ll absolutely need a garden because obvs picked up on her vibe if not the drawing itself, but then she says that and it’s like OH because feeling like she doesn’t think he can actually follow through on this plan, so of course his finger stops dead]

Janis: [when you don’t realize what you’ve said and how he could’ve taken that but obviously the vibe has SHIFTED immediately so you’re just looking back up at him like ? ‘not saying it’d be ideal’ with a shrug like maybe he just hates the idea of having to live with your mother]

Casey: [100000% NOT looking at her which is rare for him and therefore signals the absolute drama in a way he isn’t cos just still here seeming to be lowkey while having an internal monologue rage at him ‘nah, you’re only saying it’ll be necessary’ but so quietly it’s basically under his breath and more to himself than you]

Janis: [when you suddenly feel v exposed for the both of you being in this bath right now just like oh no, this isn’t right, turning the shower head off more because you don’t know what else to do than having any kind of concrete plan here, looking away because he won’t look at you and you’re trying to meet on whatever level he’s on, even though you do not get it ‘why is it suddenly the end of the world?’ pretty quietly too because you’re genuinely trying to work it out]

Casey: [‘you don’t reckon I can give you all that, do you?’ his tone making it sound not at all like a question because he’s already made him mind up that deep down that must be what she thinks]

Janis: [‘I’m not asking you to give me anything’ incredulous like is that who you think I am ‘it’s a joint fucking effort or it don’t work, if I’ve learnt anything, like’]

Casey: [‘you know what I fucking mean’ cos of course we’re getting angry about it, tis still his default emotion ‘and it ain’t gonna work, you still seeing us as that dickhead’ said like you aren’t the same 22 year old bartender but we all get what you mean sir, you had your role and the way you behaved and it was all not that long ago]

Janis: [‘I ain’t’ firmly because we’re not, whether you’re referring to the dickhead you were or the dickhead Jimothy was, we’re doing neither]

Casey: [‘I ain’t him’ not this being said like a negative instead of a positive for the first time ever as if she thinks because you didn’t have to be middle aged woman levels of responsible as a teen like Jimothy she therefore thinks you’re a irresponsible flop, also not this boy trying to diva storm out of this bath like he’s uninjured, he’ll be hurting himself and that’ll only escalate things so that’s great and a smart move, thanks boy]

Janis: [we saw that coming but also saw no way to stop you that wouldn’t make you as angry if not moreso so we had to let you do it, mistake though it was, you’re allowed to wanna get out of this close proximity and vulnerable nakedness, throwing a towel in his direction because that’s the best we can offer ‘til you are ready for us to rebandage and that moment is definitely not now ‘thank fuck’ like that’s basically the entire point ‘if I wanted to be with him, if it still worked, then I could be’ because we’ve had times to turn this ship around and could still beg and plead if we thought that was the right thing to do]

Casey: [‘don’t I bloody know it’ oh the insecurity of thinking if he does one thing wrong or lets her down ever she could just go back really just fully jumping out there and he can’t even sound as angry and ! as he wants because he’s clearly hurt, such fun]

Janis: [when you are itching to help him but you don’t want him to say no go away because you can’t handle that possibility right now, running your fingers through your hair and making eye contact via the bathroom mirror because it’s better than nothing but not confrontational ‘it doesn’t work and it wouldn’t, you know that’ like it’s never going to happen and that’s about Jimmy, not about us and this relationship ‘the last thing I wanted was you feeling the pressure to be perfect, that’s it’ dropping whatever you were trying to clean up in this mess of a bathroom because truly, just thinking this is our trait and we make the people we love kill themselves trying to give us what we feel like we haven’t even asked for]

Casey: [‘it isn’t gonna be perfect, a shithole for a bit, more like, might be ages even, I’m not thick, I fucking know that, but you should that it still don’t mean you need a back up plan’ when you’re just like I can do it, we can, so !!, hence he’s gotta look at her finally]

Janis: [‘don’t you think I know how much this is already, you didn’t ask for half of it, the fucking baby-’ stopping to do some dramatic breaths because truly, what a mistake, soz Baby Jac, the timing is so bad ‘I’m not trying to repeat my mistakes and fuck you over like I did him’ turning around to properly make eye contact because we want to be understood here like please]

Casey: [‘he never, but all this is exactly what I asked for, fuck knows who off ‘cause I used to reckon it was a massive load of bollocks, but I wanted it, and here I am finally getting my way’ the eye contact has never been more dramatic ‘she’s not a mistake to me’ cos soz bad timing or not it’s simply true]

Janis: [‘do you still want it?’ because getting hung up on that past tense, excuse us, trying to say it as plainly as you can because we want to know the truth and not be placated, obviously, but we had to clear our throat several times before the words would come out like that]

Casey: [thanks for all the throat clearing giving him however much time he needs to walk over to her, hurt as he is, and close this gap between y’all because of course he does, we all know it ‘I want her and you and him in there, however fucked the roof is’]

Janis: [just taking the time it takes to sit you on the toilet, crouching in front of you so we’re eye level still because neither of you needs to feel patronized right now ‘I want it too’ making eye contact like you better believe me, boy]

Casey: [‘It’s alright if you want your mum an’ all’ that sounds a bit patronising but we know he means it so sincerely cos of how much he wants his own, despite everything]

Janis: [‘I don’t want you to feel like there’s nowhere to turn, that you’re trapped with me’ because we know that this is going to wreck things with Jimmy and Bobby for you, maybe forever, and you’re also promising you won’t see Ian and it sounds like a recipe for disaster ‘I’m not losing you because I don’t let you know that we’re in this together, in every way’]

Casey: [‘it’s not you gets me trapped’ because we all know that it’s his bloody parents fault, Ian especially and we also know that Jimothy and Bobby have not helped his issues either ‘and you’re the only one who bothers to get us out when I am, I worked out we was in this together first time you done that’]

Janis: [resting our arms on your legs so we’re not yet dealing with your injured body because don’t want to distract from the fact we are properly listening and taking this all in but also making contact because we would like to help you right now too ‘you don’t need to doubt that I want to be with you, ever’]

Casey: [‘I just love you so fucking much’ getting blurted out and coming out with a sigh like ugh cos he do hate it when he gets angry at you gal]

Janis: [‘sorry’ like he’s sighing about loving you, trying to be bants but we’re both feeling a little too insecure for comfort right now ‘you’re right for me means you’re right for me, I’ve always said that’]

Casey: [shaking his head like no I’m sorry, burying his head into her how he do because comfort is needed by both of you here in this moment]

Janis: [cradling your head basically because we can hug you a little tighter like this right now whereas going for your body would be a mistake ‘I love you, okay, we will get everything we want’]

Casey: [‘I have’ from within this snuggle ‘not let us down yet and I won’t you’]

Janis: [‘you never have’ kissing his forehead somewhat frenziedly because that was scary for you both and we’re so glad we’re back to this]

Casey: [he has to do it back as intensely like we’re sealing that thought into both of our heads rn immediately]

Janis: [‘just ‘cos it’s intense, doesn’t mean it’s not what I want, we are intense’ said like it’s a good thing because to us it is and always has been]

Casey: [‘yeah, we are’ as he’s giving her the most intense kisses everywhere and anywhere he can reach without having to move too much and hurt himself]

Janis: [doing lowkey little grrs because you need to bandage this boy back up, and get some ice but you wanna just let him kiss you forever ‘and I’m obsessed with you’ as a *add on]

Casey: [‘we’re obsessed with each other’ like a * correction, pulling her into his lap like be closer thank you]

Janis: [‘if they cut us open, you’d be all the way through me, like a stick of rock or something, right out the other side’ saying this in your face because doing excessively close eye contact now]

Casey: [‘she’ll behave better than that’ said like you’re more than a bit gutted Baby Jac won’t be the cause of her having to be cut open and thus him being able to see that, cos how real it feels to him too]

Janis: [‘tell her she has to be’ like use your daddy powers thanks because not trying to lose our core muscles like that]

Casey: [doing it obvs, telling baby Jac all about her mother’s job and athletic prowess etc etc, including when jc used to run and sparr together so you can have an adorable reminisce and Janis will be able to hear in his voice how much all of that meant and means to him, shamelessly bigging her up so much with it all but where’s the lie tbh]

Janis: [it meant a lot to us too because it was lowkey the only thing we knew what to do with ourself for ages and to have someone get that was important ‘your daddy has to rest so I can beat him again’ shouldn’t say your but we simply have to, I’m sorry, the emotions are too real]

Casey: [resting his head on her stomach as if she meant he has to rest rn immediately obvs ‘to beat your mummy again’ whispered to baby Jac as a *]

Janis: [smiling down at you ‘don’t be telling lies, she already loves you without’]

Casey: [‘and you do, when I win’ like thank god cos I ALWAYS do lol lol]

Janis: [shaking our head like oh yeah? 😏 ‘I might miss being pinned by you’ like just a smidge]

Casey: [when he forgets himself and tries to do it because so used to doing whatever she wants, but then it’s a big yikes and even bigger ouch moment with how he moved, soz sir but that’s your reality rn]

Janis: [‘come on’ like that’s enough, put my foot down ‘comfier on the bed’ as we’re leading him that way, picking up supplies on the way so we can compress these injuries again]

Casey: [gotta let her boy, even if you can’t resist a ‘fuck’s sake’ for how frustrating these injuries are]

Janis: [just making the I know noise because we do, no getting around how annoying it is to not be on top form ‘[his fave takeaway vibe] will soften the blow’ because we have to go get ice so may as well]

[yandere-daydreams]

Todoroki shoto being a horny masochistic man-baby sounds very entertaining atm. the poor darling is so confused but she literally has no choice but to play along with his fantasy if she doesnt wanna get roasted alive (exaggeration™)

Is it, though? I like the idea of Todoroki being a serial-yandere, if that makes sense. He’d just burn through his Darlings so quickly… It almost hurts him more than it hurts them.

Title: Heat.

TW: Unhealthy Relationship, Possessiveness, and Delusional Mindsets. 

~

Shoto’s presence came with a certain, undefinable heat.

It was worse now than it usually was. In the back of his valet’s car, one of his arms wrapped around your midriff, keeping you pressed against his side despite all the many seats that’d allow you more space to breathe, there was no way to escape it, no way to deny it. In his penthouse, you could position yourself near a window, a balcony, something that would supply you fresh air and a route of escape, if you were desperate enough to use one. At his parties, on your dates, there were other people, voices and faces that balanced out Shoto’s suffocating oppression with an unfamiliar levity you’d never known to appreciate. Here, the windows were shaded, denying you a view of the passing city, and the only other person was a driver hidden behind a plane Shoto would never willingly ask to lower. He said he preferred to be alone, most of the time. He claimed to like the tranquility of it.

More realistically, you knew he preferred you to be alone. It was a terrible thing to think of your boyfriend, but he’d done little to prove your wrong.

Without warning, his hold on your waist tightened, dragging you into his lap while its twin rose up to cup your thigh, guiding you to straddle his hips with more force than he needed to use. His grip was too tight, his touch too strict, but the smile soon stretched over his lips is nothing short of tender, warm, loving. Fond, but the sort of fondness a small child would have for his favorite toy. Only bordering on the affection a lover should show to their companion. You tried to return something more genuine, albeit still obviously manufactured. Shoto didn’t seem to mind, though, his eyes sparkling as he stared up at you.

He let a lengthy, quiet moment pass before he bothered to speak. It was a moment too long, and yet, you quickly found yourself wishing it went on for just a few seconds longer. “I missed you,” He whispered, his voice hushed, but not secretive. Meant to be heard, but only half-aware that it was going to be. “I missed you. It’s terrible - I thought I was never going to see you again.”

“I never left,” You laughed, cupping his cheeks and tilting his head back, brushing back his bangs away to hastily press a kiss into his forehead. It felt too rushed, too hurried, but you quickly reminded yourself that ‘impatient and eager’ was exactly what Shoto was looking for. He wanted to think that you were happy to dote on him, he wanted to think that you wanted this. You used to find joy in that, but now, it felt more like an obligation than a favor. “I’ve been with you all night, baby.” All night, all day. It would’ve been all morning, too, if you’d taken up one of his many offers to move in with him. He liked to monopolize your time, and you liked to refuse to let him. “You can’t miss me if I don’t leave. I was extra careful this time, too, kept track of how many people I talked to and everything.”

At that, he smiled, melting to your palm as his arms returned to your hips, drawing you closer despite the nonexistent distance between your chest and his. “It’s not the same,” He mumbled, simultaneous more coherent and less purposeful than he was, a minute ago. “I can’t focus on you, not while I know other people are around. I don’t like the idea of someone else looking at you like I do, and I don’t like it when you let them.” The words were passionate, but not aggressive. Something he felt strongly about, but nothing he held against you. “It’s distracting. They’re always staring at you like a pack of feral mutts… I feel like they’ll jump on you the moment I look away.”

He was being honest, unusually so. Most of the time, you looked forward to Shoto’s rare moments of vulnerability, but when he chose to so blatant about emotions so ugly, he wasn’t looking for your acceptance. He wanted reassurance. He wanted comfort. “That’s why I have to stay so close to you,” You tried, the sentiment lighthearted and non-commital. Devoted, but not nearly as devoted as he seemed to be. “If I have you to protect me, they can’t, and you’re always going to protect me, right?”

This time, he laughed. Rather than making the obvious promises and taking the excuse to hold you even closer, to cling to you even tighter, he opted to pull back, to slump against the leather bench and stare. Unblinkingly, unwaveringly, unforgivingly. You froze on reflex, attempting to remember anything you might’ve said the wrong way or let him misinterpret, but it didn’t take you long to realize Shoto wasn’t angry. If anything, he was pleased, grinning as he scanned over you, all teeth and sharp edges and awful, unspoken threats. His hands dropped to your thighs unceremoniously, and with even less pageantry, he caught your gaze, urging you to follow in suit. Urging you to try and pretend that you weren’t shaking at the thought.

“You’re so good to me,” He admitted, the confession breathy, more of a stray exhale than a proper declaration. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it and you doubted it would be the last, but he sounded satisfied, contented. As if he couldn’t think of anything more blissful than lying back and letting you shiver and tremble on his lap. “I want to take care of you. I’m going to take care of you. You’re going to let me, aren’t you?”

You nodded. You didn’t hesitate, nor did you try to keep your voice even enough to give a verbal response. Shoto didn’t mind, though, his grin only broadening. There was more space between the two of you now, and yet, your skin was starting to burn where it made contact with his. His might as well’ve wrapped his hands around your neck, thrown you into a bonfire on his own. That would’ve been kinder than dragging it out for so long.

“And that’s why I’m going to,” He went on, leaning forward. “Because you love me as much as I love you, and you’re not going to do anything to force my hand. I won’t have to hurt you, and you’re not going to hurt me.”

You flinched back, opening your mouth ask him what he meant, but his lips were on yours before you could, his fingers entangled in your hair and his free arm around your torso, rooting you in place, as uncaring as it was merciless. You knew you should pull away. You should shove him and kick and yell until he let you go, until he understood how fucked up he was and saw that you weren’t the submissive, simple-minded creature he thought of you as. You knew you should, you knew you could, and yet…

And yet, you strung your arms around his neck, kissing him back with the same ferocity he’d used, with the same ruthless flame. With the same urgency and neediness and desperation. It wasn’t hard to see why, either.

You never would’ve lasted this long if you didn’t like playing with fire.

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[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Casey & Jimmy Pt.8

Janis: [of course we’re getting up to get this remote the instant he says it ‘cos who are we otherwise if we’re not proving how well/terribly behaved we are ‘this one?’ as if you don’t remember so vividly]

Casey: [looking at it himself like 🤔 ‘do you not remember how that massive button there felt?’ because we know you do and wanna make sure you have to again even more vividly than you obvs already are thinking about it]

Janis: [turning your back to the phone you’ve propped up with your pillows to ‘see’ if you remember by reenacting it, at least you have pants on so it wouldn’t be a really loud smack like on totally bare skin]

Casey: [she could’ve just dropped something, it’s FINE, meanwhile it’s his turn to bite the inside of his cheek as hard as she did before]

Janis: [do this once slowly and then a few times in quicker succession before turning back like yep okay, I remember 😳]

Casey: [‘what else?’ like do you remember how it felt when I fucked you with it too though because who is he otherwise]

Janis: [‘I remember it all’ like how could we forget any of that night, showing you us rubbing it over ourselves but not fully going there]

Casey: [LOOKING at her like me too, because what a time, it was unforgettable of you, lads, showing her that he’s touching himself too but in the same way, not fully]

Janis: [‘you could do more’ as if he’s not somewhere in public lol]

Casey: [‘not unless you actually turn your sound down’ like gal you’d have to mute me]

Janis: [‘I miss the shit hotel’ like we could be so feral then with no repercussions]

Casey: [‘have to head back that way for Libi’s dog’ cos don’t have to miss it for too long if you don’t want]

Janis: [‘if we can both go’ ‘cos one of you may well have to stay here and that’s even worse]

Casey: [‘that’s the point of having Bob home’ it isn’t exactly but we all get what you mean, boy]

Janis: [looking towards the office door like yeah and crossing your fingers]

Casey: [‘wish you was here’ because you’ve been feral on the streets and in other public places many a time so you could and would wherever he is atm]

Janis: [‘if anyone thinks you’re a pervert, you can show ‘em I’m here’ like I got you boy ‘if I was there-’ dramatic breath ‘cos just thinking about the things you would do]

Casey: [‘you fancy an audience, yeah?’ like if I showed someone you they’d never leave because of how hot you are, doing his own dramatic breath when he also is thinking about her fr being there though, so dramatic he’s gotta face away from this phone to make it quieter]

Janis: [‘they just happen to be there, ‘cept that one time’ like yes we all remember when we phoned that random but everyone else is just collateral so far]

Casey: [‘same as this dickhead’ showing her Chubby being adorable and bumbling about, but it’s affectionate, obvs, he loves this dog with his whole heart]

Janis: [doing a little ‘awh’ ‘cos you can do that quietly and just be seeing cute animals on your feed ‘you’re so mean’ at this boy as affectionately]

Casey: [‘it’s you sat there almost naked, girl’ because what could be meaner than that at the moment]

Janis: [literally looking down as if that fact has escaped you up until this point ‘cos lowkey ‘you won’t think it’s mean when I still am when you get here’]

Casey: [‘I ain’t allowed to touch you’ cos got no excuse to unlike her and so yes we very much will]

Janis: [‘who said’ as if someone else did and we’re fuming at them]

Casey: [just pointing at her like you said, being 🥺]

Janis: [shaking your head like I never, could not be me]

Casey: [‘say I can then’]

Janis: [‘I need you to touch me, Casey’]

Casey: [another quiet noise he can’t help]

Janis: [‘please, you know I can be quiet’ like barely beyond what you’re proving rn but okay lol]

Casey: [‘I need you to keep me quiet an’ all’ because true, he cannot be]

Janis: [‘who else can’ like if anyone can do it, it’s me]

Casey: [‘you’re so great at it when it’s just you’ genuinely impressed, and like, okay, I trust you to do it for me too]

Janis: [‘you get used to it when you’re not trying to get attention’ because wasn’t your adult vibe obviously and was very much yours, as we know]

Casey: [‘gutted I’ll never be used to it’ because always gonna be trying to get your attention even when y’all are 90]

Janis: [‘our kids won’t be deaf like the ones you’re used to’ like you have to behave then]

Casey: [‘but they’ll sleep better than us’ because y’all famously aren’t good at it but these kids shall be happy and thus heavy sleepers]

Janis: [smile ‘cos its a nice thought ‘but how am I meant to deal with all my hysterical emotions if we can’t have a midday quickie in the bathroom?’]

Casey: [‘you’ll be at work and if you bring them they’ll get snatched by Gracie’ like that solves that]

Janis: [‘least she won’t be jealous now’ ‘cos the fun of telling everyone when it gets to that point]

Casey: [‘rude’ as if he’s so offended she won’t be jealous of jc as a power couple but obvs he knows what she really means and is getting at]

Janis: [‘single mum and failed marriage by 24, makes for a great dating profile’ big shrug]

Casey: [‘you have no need for one’ like excuse you, who are you trying to date ‘and you won’t be a single mum, nor in a failed marriage soon as I get up on a table and sort that’]

Janis: [‘was just saying it how she’d see it’ obvs there’s actual insecurity there but we’re not addressing it ‘tah for never fucking her, like’]

Casey: [‘she can say shit when she can keep a lad for 10 minutes, never mind a decade’ because you’d had both these lads loving you that long is the tea ‘I can’t hack having her about for 10 bloody seconds’]

Janis: [‘no one can’ in such a poor Gracie tone but we have limited sympathy ‘cos you are/were doing a lot of this to yourself girl ‘be raging to know she’s more annoying than Asia O’Neill’ 😏]

Casey: [‘I’ll let her know if she starts on you’ because we aren’t having it from Grace or anyone else, thank you]

Janis: [‘she knows I would’ve fucked her up if she went near you’]

Casey: [‘she only went for older lads anyway’ calling you a cradle snatcher for the lols like we weren’t just hearteyes af you said that]

Janis: [‘it’s 2 and a half years’ so dramatically counting that on our fingers like please, it’s barely a gap lmao]

Casey: [😏 ‘would’ve felt like more of one when Asia made her move if she weren’t-’ doing a face to signify that she’s lowkey got special needs, problematic of you sir but also kinda true, cos you were young when that happened but she was immature af herself then and still is so you didn’t feel preyed upon, thus also following that up with a shrug]

Janis: [doing a little ha noise because we all know what Asia was and is like ‘least you didn’t have her number’ like the last thing I want is getting in contact with her again, especially like that lol]

Casey: [‘she’d have to know it herself’ like she’s thicker than the little kids who can memorise their phone numbers and address]

Janis: [fake punching the screen away from us like no, you don’t want it is the correct answer but we amused]

Casey: [doing the sound that would be a lol if we were allowed to]

Janis: [‘gonna make me sick again thinking about that’ like how dare you like we didn’t bring it up lol]

Casey: [‘you’d have to leg it to the toilet if I did do’ like it’s our plan to get you off this sofa and somewhere you can make more noise] 

Janis: [‘I’m too tough for pee breaks’ like soz, must stay here]

Casey: [‘be a different story were it raining’ like then you would simply have to]

Janis: [‘be more blatant you wanna watch me go’ like oh you]

Casey: [‘no dickhead’s believing I got stung by a jellyfish out here tonight’ as if we’re so gutted we can’t use that as an excuse]

Janis: [doing 💔 hands]

Casey: [SUCH a pouty lip just to do it]

Janis: [‘baby’ whispering it v v quietly but still we must]

Casey: [‘your baby’ with the your spelled out of course]

Janis: [‘mine’ with the same energy ‘I have to get you clean, not dirty’ like I remember the cover story here]

Casey: [‘you’ve not felt sick again, have you?’ like for real asking]

Janis: [‘when I left but not since then’ the hilarity of the doctors appointment, then that, all being today still lol huns but yeah you deffo would’ve needed to puke after all that drama]

Casey: [nodding like that’s okay that can’t be morning sickness it’s just emotions because valid you would feel sick then, we all did]

Janis: [‘stopped me looking like a suicide risk’ ‘cos stopping that car ‘cos literally hysterical peeps would’ve been concerned ‘til you vommed then they’d leave you alone lol]

Casey: [‘and you made it off the drive’ because the nosey neighbours would be all up in your grill]

Janis: [‘should’ve done it over the wall’ imagine, they’d be like CLEAN IT UPPPPPP]

Casey: [‘once there’s another pub about, see what I can do’ imagine, just to annoy them]

Janis: [😁 like best idea ever]

Casey: [gesturing at Chubby like a cross dad like don’t you eat it, sir]

Janis: [‘need to train him better’ like we keep showing him the worst habits, actually true but he’s an oblivious queen]

Casey: [‘lend us your [whatever he got her a christmas gift that time for their first christmas]’ cos we know you still have it, sis]

Janis: [‘you have to swear to keep it safe’ like then I’ll think about it]

Casey: [holding his pinky out like I promise]

Janis: [holding yours out ‘it’s a deal’]

Casey: [a genuine smile because she trusts him with it]

Janis: [‘you were the sweetest’ as if you no longer are lol but still, it was so thoughtful]

Casey: [‘what am I now?’ amused and also curious what she’s gonna say]

Janis: [🤔 like let me think about that for a sec ‘everything’]

Casey: [‘that’s you’ so heart eyes again]

Janis: [‘you look so cute right now’]

Casey: [shaking his head ‘you again, too cute, you are’ even bigger heart eyes ‘what I am is fuming it’ll be ages before I get to kiss you’]

Janis: [‘I’ll come wait by the door’ like a 50s housewife nbd]

Casey: [‘like my missus’ cos had that same thought]

Janis: [‘something like that’ exactly like that]

Casey: [‘alright’ cos love that]

Janis: [‘don’t get used to it, I just miss you too’ like I won’t always be this extra, lol okay]

Casey: [‘don’t get used to missing me’ because it won’t always have to be like this]

Janis: [🥰 ‘good answer’]

Casey: [gonna say that Chubby starts barking at someone or something because frankly y’all have been too quiet and I’m evil like that]

Janis: [at least you could be watching dog videos or something so we’ve not really done you dirty but the way we’d drop our phone ‘cos shooketh nonetheless]

Casey: [you’ll have to actually give him some attention and shh him, boy, and if it’s a person or another dog deal with them, so it’d be a whole minute and realistically you’d probably end up having to hang up if you have to talk because can’t just not so]

Janis: [y’all had a good run, lbr, I imagine the convo with Bobby is probably wrapping up too so you will have to sort out how that went and getting Jimothy where he wants to be]

Casey: [I’m honestly proud of y’all for staying so quiet and chill by your feral standards]

Janis: [you did good kids]

Janis: if you come back I might be in with him, don’t worry, like

Casey: I won’t come back til I’ve heard off you it’s alright

Janis: has Chubby got whoever he was after?

Casey: he’ll wanna tell you all about it himself, I bet

Janis: s’alright, reckon he’s less of a bullshitter than you anyway

Casey: might be

Janis: have fun, boys

Casey: 🤏

Casey: can’t have you mad jealous

Janis: that doesn’t sound like me

Casey: nah, who is it I’m thinking of, Asia O’Neill

Janis: ‘course you are, why wouldn’t you be

Casey: exactly

Janis: bet she’s about, you’ll probably bump into her

Casey: would be the stalking sort, her

Janis: is the pisshead sort

Janis: probably have to hit [the cringiest club we know of] though

Casey: never let the dog in, even though he has got your eyes

Janis: he wouldn’t wingman against me anyway

Casey: it was his fault I had to hang up

Janis: it’s alright, you’ll be back soon

Casey: yeah, soon as

Janis: if they’ve been talking this whole time, that’s really good

Casey: but how would you have any clue of the difference if he’s been sat there staring into space after hanging up a few minutes in

Janis: he’ll tell me, no reason to lie

Casey: I just mean you’re not gonna know when he’s done or he ain’t

Janis: he’s meant to tell me

Janis: or text, if he can’t do that

Casey: you’re probably right, why would it have gone that bad he won’t, only our kid he’s chatted to

Janis: do you think I should go check then

Janis: I don’t wanna do that if they’re still chatting, make him feel like he needs to stop

Casey: I dunno, maybe I’m being paranoid, like

Janis: I can see it

Janis: fuck it, I’ll pop my head ‘round then

Casey: seems ages for them to be having a little chat when he can’t be bothered to put a sentence together for no other dickhead

Janis: [do what you said you would, just sneaking a peek like hi, you good in here]

Jimmy: [the question is, are you lads still chatting or did he hang up at some point and is now there like - though obvs it wouldn’t be as immediately as Casey suggested if he did, a proper chat was had regardless of whether it’s still occurring or not]

Janis: [that is up to you, we’re just coming in enough you can see us without having to turn and 👍?]

Jimmy: [I like to think maybe they are, because that’s nice, even if Jimothy will be exhausted when this convo does end]

Janis: [at least we can give you a smile and leave you to that again, doing that sigh of relief when you get the other side of the door]

Jimmy: [I hope he’s spoken to Libi as well or will at some point, even though that’s even more tiring cos actually have to speak, because he loves her just as much by this point]

Janis: [clearly would unless Bobby thought you looked so bad he was like oh no, better not gal]

Jimmy: [which hopefully you didn’t sir because JJ both tried really hard to make sure you didn’t look as fucked as you feel]

Janis: [at least we can also message you back immediately] 

Janis: they’re still on the phone, Christ knows how but

Casey: Right

Janis: it’s a good thing, yeah?

Casey: ‘course, chuffed to bits to be wrong, me

Janis: of course he doesn’t want to talk to us right now

Janis: it’d be weird if he did, even if it’d be easier for us

Casey: he’s got the energy to play happy families, not have a go at me, I get it

Casey: weren’t expecting nowt else

Janis: ‘cos it’s a bigger job, if it was just having a go

Janis: we’re going to have to get rid of this place, all find somewhere else to be

Janis: he knows he don’t have that kind of energy

Casey: I know, it’s just 

Janis: yeah

Casey: I wish he’d at least look at me, even if only how he used to dad

Janis: I know

Janis: you might have to push him, I have

Janis: just, not yet, he needs to have Bobby back

Casey: I can’t, I don’t know how far, I never have

Janis: It’s scary

Janis: I feel sick every time he’s mentioned you but he has, it’s there, under the surface

Casey: what’s he said

Janis: he asked what you thought, about the baby and keeping it or not

Janis: that he’s failed you, thinks he has

Casey: I should’ve guessed, it’s that piss easy to

Janis: he’s made other digs but that was more at me than you

Casey: fuck’s sake

Janis: I walked into it both times like a twat, in fairness, point is, I always just shut it down or end the conversation but I could try to not, push it a bit, maybe?

Janis: I dunno

Casey: you’ve been put in the middle loads already and for long enough

Janis: it’s not exactly like that

Janis: I wish I could never tell him but what if that’s about me being selfish and he needs to hear it

Casey: he don’t, why would he

Janis: to be able to blame me and let go

Casey: for you to be the one getting blamed this would’ve had to have started when I were 12, and it didn’t

Janis: it’s as much my fault

Casey: he ain’t never gonna see it like that

Janis: it’s the truth, that’s the problem

Casey: every dickhead twists the truth how they have to, to hack it

Janis: forget it then

Casey: you said yourself you don’t wanna tell him

Janis: but at some point, I would have to

Janis: if any of what we talk about is real

Casey: let him think what he wants to, what’s that matter

Janis: we don’t even know what he thinks

Casey: so, why do you care

Janis: because the truth does matter and this is how you end up playing the bad guy forever

Casey: what’s important is he gets better, we’re never gonna be mates, I might as well stay the bastard he already reckons I am, that’ll do his head in way less

Janis: fine, your choice what you tell him

Casey: I love you for thinking it could be different, you know

Janis: nah, don’t

Casey: too late, I do, I just said

Janis: don’t be fucking patronising 

Casey: I’m not

Janis: it’s completely patronising

Casey: I didn’t call you love or owt, I would if I was trying to be

Janis: it don’t matter what you were trying to do

Janis: it all is, in what world can me fucking you make me not as culpable for it

Casey: in the world he lives in, don’t take that out on me

Janis: I can tell him what I want, when I want

Casey: I never said otherwise

Janis: just that you don’t want me to

Casey: you fucking said you don’t want to

Janis: that doesn’t mean it isn’t what needs to happen eventually

Janis: I’m not going to fucking relish in it

Casey: you’re taking it wrong to take it wrong

Janis: oh my god, yeah, sure

Casey: it’s doing your head in so whatever I say I am an’ all

Janis: let’s just stop talking

Casey: yeah, sure

Janis: for fuck’s sake

Casey: [being v mature and not replying because she said let’s just stop talking, oh sir]

Janis: [I say Jimmy hurry up now sir lmao]

Jimmy: [come out, nobody is saying it’s immediately but not after 30 years, thank you]

Janis: [try not to be visibly in a mood right now ‘hey, how was he?’]

Jimmy: [sitting down next to her and taking some of this blanket, purely on autopilot as if y’all are still a couple, because tired af]

Janis: [shake your head and smile ‘had a lot to say, obviously’ like you have been ages, fair]

Jimmy: [putting his head on her shoulder like the sleepiest boy]

Janis: [‘you need your bed’ like he’s but a baby]

Jimmy: [shaking his head like no no that’s simply too far, and lowkey snuggling into her more by the very nature of doing that head gesture]

Janis: [shaking our head again like oh you ‘alright, have some telly for a bit’ like there’s no need to rush and giving him basically all of this blanket like you get cosy then]

Jimmy: [is just curling up on this sofa looking adorable about it]

Janis: [getting you cushions so you can fully go to sleep if you want ‘how’s that?’]

Jimmy: [‘tah, Jules’ using the feelsy nickname so you know he doesn’t just mean for the cushions but in fact for everything she has helped him with on this day]

Janis: [‘told you you’d feel better’ and thank god]

Jimmy: [‘I’m tired’ as if that wasn’t obvious]

Janis: [doing a little laugh ‘cos yes ‘you can go to sleep now’ like it’s okay]

Jimmy: [‘I don’t want to’ because genuine progress]

Janis: [‘what do you want to do then?’ because yes you are an adult, you can decide]

Jimmy: [‘we should talk an’ all’ because yes you should]

Janis: [nod ‘yeah’ but we’re letting you start]

Jimmy: [‘come here’ like come lie with me please and thank you, as if otherwise we’re shouting across the gaff]

Janis: [‘I need to be sitting comfortably, do I?’ bants but ultimately do because if it makes him talk then you may as well]

Jimmy: [giving her back her share of the blanket because he’s just that bitch, truly]

Janis: [‘are you tricking me?’ like this is not talking but obvs we’re joking]

Jimmy: [just looking at her because in no world does he know how he wants to start this convo or what he wants to say]

Janis: [it’s a massive ask, I don’t think anyone does]

Jimmy: [‘I might’ve tricked him’ because definitely feel like you did too well in that convo and now Bobby wants to come back rn immediately because of course he does and now you’re like well fuck because obvs want him back but also do not remotely think you can keep up a facade that you’re okay]

Janis: [‘fake it ‘til you make it’ because that’s what you do with people you care about and for, especially kids, so we’re like yeah, that’s a totally normal thing ‘he isn’t stupid though, when have you ever sent him away before’ like he knows that something has gone wrong regardless, the fact he’s not here is proof enough]

Jimmy: [‘were a bit easier as far as dating you went’ because when they were fake dating, they were literally faking nothing, it was all too real]

Janis: [‘should hope so’ nudging him like would’ve been very rude of you to be acting like that was as big of a chore]

Jimmy: [‘we’ll have to sit them both down’ meaning bibi and y’all]

Janis: [nod, along with a big breath out because that’ll be lovely but he is right, regardless]

Jimmy: [hardcore thinking about it, but trying to stay here, and doing that by squeezing her hand big]

Janis: [squeezing his back as hard, trying to keep your voice steady-ish ‘and what do we tell them?’ wiping our eyes]

Jimmy: [obvs reaching out and wiping her eyes for her too, how could he not ‘What do you want to?’ because lowkey he doesn’t even know himself the full story]

Janis: [just giving out reassurances that it’s fine, you’re alright because nothing is going to be achieved if you keep crying all the time but again how can you not ‘I-’ and just breaking off to think yourself for quite a while ‘I guess, that I cheated and we can’t be together anymore?’]

Jimmy: [‘And the baby?’ like should we tell them now or do we wait until this pregnancy is further along and we simply can’t not tell them]

Janis: [starting to say something along the lines of well if we’re all going to be living here, he’ll find out, ‘cos morning sickness but then you’re like ‘maybe I could hide that from Bobby, if anyone’ like as long as y’all have a downstairs loo so she isn’t hogging the bathroom in the AM, shrugging ‘what do you think?’]

Jimmy: [‘by leaving?’ because you automatically think that’s what she means and wants to do literally always]

Janis: [‘if you’d rather’ because not going to suddenly be like umm no I MUST stay how dare you when it sounds like he’s made a decision ‘there are places I can go, I won’t make either of you homeless over it’ like I can stay with family and keep paying my half of the rent]

Jimmy: [such an immediate and dramatic ‘no’ as always]

Janis: [‘what about Casey?’ because if there’s any time to address him it’s in relation to housing like he’s literally still here]

Jimmy: [‘he should probably find somewhere else to stay before Bobby comes back’ I see why you think that because Bobby will be a hater but that doesn’t actually solve anything and frustrates me]

Janis: [‘do you not think I should too then?’ no notes]

Jimmy: [‘our kid might do, but I-’ because clearly do not want you to leave even though that makes no sense]

Janis: [the urge makes sense but ‘I don’t think I’m actually helping you, if I stay, we can’t just pretend everythings the same when it isn’t’ letting out a proper sob at the end there]

Jimmy: [‘Where will you go?’ his own voice breaking as he asks this cos hate everything about the prospect, thank you]

Janis: [‘Billie’s, at first’ ‘cos that’s where you went earlier for all of ten seconds]

Jimmy: [‘when?’ doing his own sob about it]

Janis: [‘I don’t know’ just sobbing fully again because it’s so scary ‘it’s all we’ve ever known’]

Jimmy: [‘why can’t it go back to how it were before?’ you know why but yes this is too terrifying ‘if we just-’ can’t finish that because sobbing and also, what, what’s the plan, there isn’t one]

Janis: [‘I’m so sorry I ruined everything’ because we know there’s nothing we can do]

Jimmy: [‘it’s my fault, I’ll go to the doctor’s, sort my head out, fix it’ if only it was that simple, sir]

Janis: [‘that’s you, we’re broken, us, it’s-’ cannot finish that for the pain you physically feel in from this]

Jimmy: [‘don’t say that’ having to sign this plea because he cannot actually say it he’s crying too hard and is too sad]

Janis: [just trying to hug him because there is nothing you can say]

Jimmy: [pushing her away actually, not hard because he never will or can do that, and holding onto her shoulders or arms or whatever at arms length like look at me because we’re pleading with everything we have rn ‘please, Janis’ actual words as much as they can be when you’re sobbing]

Janis: [‘but-’ when you really do not want to look at him because your heart is breaking and you just want to run away from this moment and feeling and all of it but there is literally no way to ‘but I love him and I don’t know how to stop’ like how can we if I can’t]

Jimmy: [this boy fully flinching like she punched him, because obviously on some level he knows that and has known it for a long ass time but you can’t kid yourself anymore when she just outright says it like that]

Janis: [when sorry is the only word you’re capable of and the only reason we wouldn’t be in the foetal position on the floor is if you’re still holding us up]

Jimmy: [when he hates that word so much already for so many reasons, he’s for real about to throw up, please don’t just do that, this sofa has suffered enough, at least try and get to the kitchen sink or floor with it]

Janis: [we’re so far out of our body now we can’t even help in any sense, even if that was purely physical]

Jimmy: [likewise, it’s a disassociation party, RIP to the cute meal you had earlier, boy, I’m so sorry cos it was your fave]

Janis: [there is literally nothing I can say except we’re trying to disappear]

Jimmy: [hard same, if this boy could simply pass away rn he would]

Janis: [if you would like to further heartbreak us you could have Casey message her later because you are not getting told when to come home now, obviously]

Casey: [when you just think she still doesn’t wanna talk to you, oh what fun, I will send a message though, some point way later when he hasn’t heard any updates]

Casey: I’m gonna stay at a mate’s, I’ll be in by the morning unless I hear owt else

Janis: [I imagine you opened it because the vibration kicked muscle memory in but you can’t take in what it says beyond his name]

Casey: [him and Chubby are gonna arrive in the AM expecting Jimothy and potentially Janis too to be in bed and fully walk in on a SCENE because JJ will be where we left them, I’m so soz that you once again are gonna have to sort this out, babe]

Janis: [nightmarish all round, lord of mercy]

Casey: [the actual trauma we are putting this 21 year old boy through, obvs he’s gonna clean Jimothy up first and put him back in his bed because that’s a carbon copy of what he had to do day 1 and he doesn’t have to think about it, but when it comes to picking her up and cleaning her up + dressing her in warm clothes + putting her in his bed, because he will unthinkingly put her there to try and comfort her and himself with that idea, he will be DYING despite the way it seems like he’s just doing the same motions]

Janis: [everyone’s getting traumatized through this experience honey and no one is okay, I dread to think how cold you are girl, though the only indication we’re giving to even being alive is the silent tears that are happening]

Casey: [hence he’s feeding Chubby but then immediately bringing this dog up to lie one side of her lowkey on her while he lies on the other hugging her himself to try and warm her up as well as comfort her even slightly, just saying her name over and over so softly to see if she’ll respond in any way to the sound of his voice and obvs also wiping all those tears away as gently]

Janis: [‘Jimmy’ in the voice you use when you have been crying excessively and also haven’t spoken for hours and hours, it sounds like you think he’s Jimmy but you mean where is he, how is he, you need to go get him, all the ways you could be concerned]

Casey: [‘I’ve sorted him out’ because he has as much as he can, and that’s as much as he can say because not gonna lie and say he’s okay or don’t worry when that’s bollocks and he was this close to calling an ambulance for both of y’all]

Janis: [saying it again but frankly wailing it like you’ve just remembered all of last night all at once]

Casey: [just trying to do every possible comforting gesture all at once ‘I’m gonna take the dog to him, so he’s not on his own’ because the only thing you can think of to do, literally can’t be both places at once or comfort him the same way he can her ‘hang on, okay’]

Janis: [on some level you must compute this and think it’s a good idea ‘cos you did similar before everything went wrong so you’re doing a tiny nod]

Casey: [doing that and ofc checking Jimothy is still alive and then coming back to fully cradle her the way he does when she’s crying]

Janis: [‘he’s got the dog’ more assuring ourself than asking you there ‘he likes the dog’ when you sound like a child the way you’re speaking right now but again remembering when he properly got intro’d to Chubby yesterday]

Casey: [just holding her SO tight like and you’ve got me without having to say so out loud because frankly buzzing she’s speaking]

Janis: [‘I’ll be sick’ purely as a warning ‘cos you know it’s morning time and you think you’ve got morning sickness like don’t squeeze me too hard]

Casey: [‘it’s okay’ because the level he has never cared if she throws up anywhere including directly on him, especially rn ‘you can if you need to’]

Janis: [coming back to your body and to your senses probably does mean you feel very fucking weird in general but you can’t quite piece together exactly how you feel yet ‘I need-’ but absolutely no idea how to end that sentence ‘cos too many things to be done]

Casey: [‘I know, but will you have some water for me first? I’ll give you a hand’ because we’re not gonna invalidate all the things you feel like you need to do, whatever they may be but also, priorities]

Janis: [‘get your own bloody water’ ‘cos thinking he asked you to get him some water and you’re like excuse you I am BUSY lmao]

Casey: [getting the glass off his bedside table and showing it to her like no no ‘have a bit, yeah?’]

Janis: [‘why?’ irritated like he’s being so ridiculous ‘cos you don’t realise you haven’t since last night]

Casey: [‘you’ve not had none for ages’ I sure do wish bibi were here to see how kind and calm and patient he is being, except I don’t really because this is horrific]

Janis: [‘let’s get him some then’ ‘cos this means that Jimmy hasn’t either]

Casey: [‘he won’t accept nothing off me, I need you to have yours so you’re strong enough to help us with him’ because true but also it might get her to have a drink herself]

Janis: [take this drink and have some girl]

Casey: [the RELIEF he’s trying not to show because he’s scared to show or even have any kind of emotional reaction rn in case once he starts he won’t be able to stop and will fully lose it, which is not an option atm]

Janis: [‘Bobby needs to come back’ so definitely when we’ve finished this drink]

Casey: [‘I’ll give him a ring when school finishes’ idk if you actually will or are just saying that here and now to make her feel better but anyway ‘for right now, what I’m gonna do is walk you to Jim, alright?’ and doing that with her feet on his like she’s a bub, because feeling like this will be easier if they are all in one room, and Jimothy will not care because he is not reacting, no offense babe]

Janis: [stopping him like no though ‘he wants us to leave’ like I have remembered and we can’t, that’s why Bobby needs to be here]

Casey: [‘We can get you to your mum’s or sister’s but I can’t leave him yet’ as definite as she was being about Bobby needing to come back ‘not in the state I found him’]

Janis: [‘you, you go sit with him’ shaking our head like I cannot and must not]

Casey: [tucking her back up in bed, obvs ‘bollocks am I leaving you alone’ simply won’t]

Janis: [looking at him for the first time ‘you need to’]

Casey: [‘no’ no notes]

Janis: [‘yes’ like you can make him simply through being stubborn]

Casey: [‘you heard me, I said no’ I’d like to point out how calm his voice still is despite how fucking terrified he was and now frustrated he is]

Janis: [‘why?’ like why will you not just go because we don’t understand]

Casey: [‘there’s sod all I can do for him at the minute’ because true ‘I fucked up coming home no sooner, last thing I’m gonna do is fuck up again by pissing off away from you when you’re feeling like this’]

Janis: [‘like what’ like I don’t feel like anything]

Casey: [‘you’ve just made my point’ like exactly, you’re not yourself and this boy is full of fear]

Janis: [‘I don’t need help’ meaning it so seriously despite the fact we know you’re going to disagree]

Casey: [‘I picked you up off the floor [however long ago it was]’ again still so calm and matter of fact about this which would be terrifying to you if you were yourself rn girl]

Janis: [‘yeah, it was fucking sad’ like how else did you want me to handle it]

Casey: [‘and what, you’re over it now, are you?’ like again, exactly, you’re not alright]

Janis: [‘no but I’m not going to talk about it with you’ turning over in this bed so we’re not facing you]

Casey: [just getting in next to her like okay fine, don’t, but I’m still here, sitting up on his side stretched out like he’s a sim when they used to chill like that]

Janis: [so soz we’re just gonna be here ignoring you as if we can sleep when we so clearly can’t]

Casey: [it’s okay, he’ll be getting up at random intervals to check on Jimothy and Chubby but coming right back and making a point of it because have to]

Janis: [at some point when he is doing one of these checks on Jimmy, we’re going downstairs like we’ve got somewhere to be/any purpose rn]

Casey: [literally searching for her room by room until he finds her ‘what you playing at?’ closer to losing his chill than he has been so far, for obvious reasons]

Janis: [‘I’m sorting things’ like you lowkey aren’t doing anything because what can you but you’re trying, even if that’s doing something really unnecessary like sorting out the coffee table junk or something like that]

Casey: [just helping her with whatever this task is even though he’s internally like ffs!!!]

Janis: [the way we don’t want you to but to have an argument about it is more effort so we’re just here sideeyeing on the low lol]

Casey: [there are bound to be other chores you can get on with when you get fed up of her side eyeing you, so go like idk wash up or clean up from the doomed JJ meal or whatever]

Janis: [soz about it sir, we cannot be around you]

Casey: [you can’t fight with her rn, just do your jobs and also probably shower and feed yourself even though it’s v low on the list of your priorities because we can’t have you falling apart as well]

Janis: [it’s important and all you can do right now, we’re just manically doing the weirdest jobs in the background]

Casey: [leaving glasses of water or cups of tea nearby her every so often in the hopes that she’ll drink some of them because that’s likewise all you can do about that, knowing you’ll probably just end up having to clear most of them away later or drink them yourself but still]

Janis: [we wouldn’t not be having them but we’re just not acknowledging you which is v rude but we can’t begin to, honestly just get back in your little campbed hun]

Casey: [beyond heartbreaking but we’ll add it to his list of trauma we’ve already inflicted]

Janis: [we’ll attempt to talk to you again when we’ve had some time to process this in our own head, even if that is messaging you at first and not leaving this office]

Janis: What do you want to do about him

Casey: I’ll have to take him to the hospital if this keeps on, but I can’t say that’s what I fancy doing

Janis: Do you want me to tell him or are you going to

Casey: you’re alright, I’ll sort it

Janis: Okay, neither of us can leave until it is

Casey: there’s no need for you to still be here, you heard, I’ve got it

Janis: Not if he still won’t talk to you

Casey: piss easy to chuck him in the car either way

Janis: sure

Casey: I’ve gotta tell Bob he ain’t coming back to a cake and a banner first, so when he don’t listen to us about leaving it out for a bit longer, he’ll have a clue what he’s gonna walk in on

Janis: He has to come back eventually

Casey: no shit, but it weren’t meant to be to Jim as bad

Janis: what did you expect, this is what happens

Casey: not finding you both like that again, fucking obviously

Janis: are you actually stupid

Janis: I kept telling you, there isn’t a world in which this doesn’t wreck everything

Casey: don’t start, alright

Janis: you’re as deluded as he is if you reckoned I could somehow swing this so it was all okay and he wouldn’t be like this, for fuck’s sake

Casey: I never said I had more answers than you

Janis: this is the consequences, time we both started living in the reality of it

Janis: that’s all I’m doing

Casey: you can piss off if you reckon I’ve been living anywhere but

Janis: I’ve been there with you

Janis: somehow convincing ourselves this would be anything but this

Casey: I’m not just accepting this is it, bollocks to that

Janis: Threaten him with the hospital, it’s a good idea

Janis: ultimately, we’re all just going to have to move on and get over it

Casey: it ain’t a threat, he’ll be going if he don’t snap out of this before our kid walks through the door, I don’t have no other options

Janis: yeah, it’s a threat

Casey: call it what you like

Janis: it’s irrelevant, it’s what needs to happen

Casey: I’m the one who’s making it happen, I don’t need telling

Janis: what do you want? I said it’s a good idea

Casey: nowt, just go if you’re gonna do sod all to help

Janis: I’m not going anywhere ‘til he’s stopped this shit or is gone himself

Casey: what do you want, a medal

Janis: no, to leave and not be called back five minutes later

Casey: there’s no challenge there if all you’re gonna do is my head in

Janis: I don’t care about your head, this is my house, I can be here as long as I want

Casey: lucky you

Janis: your name isn’t on any paperwork, it’s me and him, so don’t think you can tell me what to do

Casey: you can play that card with me when you ain’t too shit scared to be in the same room as him, love

Janis: I don’t want to be around either of you, I’m done

Janis: he stops playing coma victim and we get rid of this place, simple as

Casey: yeah, dead simple for you to cut all ties and not look back, not like you’re having a kid with him or anything

Janis: yeah ‘cos I really give a fuck about doing the right thing, don’t I, good one

Casey: stop being a massive twat or stay out my way, how’s that for simple

Janis: that’s the plan, you can work out what part in your own time

Casey: tah, bit busy for it right now, as it goes

Janis: you’re doing the bare minimum, you’re the one that’s related to him

Janis: all I had to do was break his heart

Casey: sounds about right

Janis: there’s nothing more to say, don’t bother me until there is

Casey: [don’t reply, you can’t]

Janis: [good times]

Casey: [have fun going into Jimothy and being like can you please wake the fuck up before Bobby strolls in or I’m gonna have to take you to hospital and he will be traumatised]

Janis: [truly the worst of times what are you gonna do sir]

Casey: [we’re gonna have to say he do snap out of it a bit because idk what would happen if he went to hospital and the logistics of all that]

Janis: [yeah tbh you get forced into functioning by other people existing, you can’t be that level of not unless you wanna be sectioned and tube fed and who does, no one]

Casey: [exactly, and the whole point of Jimothy’s whole life is not to put Bobby through anything as horrific as the stuff he saw and was put through so it would be enough, not saying you’re gonna be tap dancing out of bed and downstairs to make a welcome home sign but]

Janis: [you’re doing the basics to stay alive yourself, that’s all that matters because no one else can just opt out either]

Casey: [realistically and sadly part of him getting up is gonna be telling Casey to leave and idk where he’s gonna go but that’s just what would happen]

Janis: [it feels so unfair but like yeah, you can’t stay, it’s not going to work, we’re just here waiting with our bag for the same]

Casey: [I’m so sad because this boy and his dog are leaving and in no world is he going anywhere but Ian’s and I hate it]

Janis: [like she wants to ask but also you know what he’s going to say so you don’t]

Casey: [not even giving her any kind of goodbye, that’s the absolute kicker because he’s him and he needs it, but nope]

Janis: [this is exactly how we planned for it to go and it’s still the worst thing ever]

Jimmy: [meanwhile, what are you doing sir, I dread to think, going through the motions of getting your shit together before 4pm as if you’re not actually dead inside, thanks I also hate it]

Janis: [you best get in your car and go before he does, you can’t be seeing each other]

Jimmy: [yeah that would not be a good idea]

Janis: [we’re definitely not going to anyone’s for a bit but that’s none of y’alls concern now]

Jimmy: [should we post this because y’all are kind of all at a bit of a stalemate rn and there’s nothing we can really do until something changes]

Janis: [yeah someone has to make the first contact for whatever reason but we can stop this here]

Jimmy: [like we could do Bobby and Janis or Billie and Janis or bibi or something if we wanna stay here on this train but y’all aren’t gonna be talking to each other for a minute]