#EUTHANASIA MAKES ME THINK ABOUT MY MOM WHO HAS CANCER

[eazy-peazy54]

The songs that Iare the most relatable to me from In Case I Make It are Euthanasia and Against The Kitchen Floor

I MIGHT be cooked 🙏🗣🔥💯‼️ (I'm definitely cooked)

#also becoming the lastnames #starts sobbing #will wood #in case i make it #will wood and the tapeworms #EUTHANASIA MAKES ME THINK ABOUT MY MOM WHO HAS CANCER #STARTS SCREAMING AND THROWING UP /POS #i love that song but DAMN #WHYYYYY #will wood when i catch you #AGAINST THE KITCHEN FLOOR REMINDS ME OF HOW I CANT KEEP A STABLE FRIENDSHIP FOR THE LIFE OF ME GOOD GOD #AGAAGSHFADGJSKFLAKDFSDJHB #AND HOW I CANT BE VULNERABLE #BRO #STARTS DYING #okay rant over baiii :3

[sheismyd]

Saying Goodbye to Beyoncé

… & this is the first time in 16 years that we don’t get to celebrate our dog Beyoncé’s birthday with her. That’s right, it would’ve been my girl’s sweet 16 today & those that know me know I would’ve went all out for my baby. LOL! It has only been two short months since we had her euthanized & it has not been easy for any of us. But I thought, what better day than today to share the story of our last days with her.

After having Beyoncé as part of our family for so many years it was devastating when we found out the tough decision we would be faced with. On Tuesday December 10thBeyoncé kept my parents up all night with a hoarse cough that developed out of nowhere. The next day they took her to the vet to figure out what was going on. Later that evening my mom broke the horrible news to me; Beyoncé had terminal lung cancer. The veterinarian was unable to tell us how long the cancer had been present but it had progressed to the point where there was nothing they could do. The doctors wanted us to closely observe her quality of life, but assured us that as long as she was eating, going outside to use the bathroom, & sleeping, that she was okay. They also provided medication to help the coughing subside, alleviate the pain, & overall help her be as comfortable as possible. Unfortunately, the medication didn’t help at all.

Of course being 15 years old, there were certain things she was unable to do anymore. For example, she couldn’t jump onto high surfaces and her hearing wasn’t as good. However, she was still a happy & healthy dog until cancer took over. It’s like I watched her health decline drastically in just one day. Her cough got worse, she was shivering, collapsing, and she was not sleeping at all. She just paced back & forth throughout the house coughing all day & night. The vet explained what Beyoncé was feeling as if there was something caught in her throat & her coughing was an attempt to get it out, which wasn’t going to happen. I can only imagine how uncomfortable she must’ve been.

My worst nightmare had become reality. I knew the day would come when Beyoncé would no longer be with us, but I always hoped she’d pass away peacefully in her sleep because the thought of euthanasia was so awful to me. I just couldn’t fathom taking my pet that I loved so much to a vet and letting them technically, kill her. It always seemed like betrayal to me & in a sense like I’d be giving up on my pet. I also didn’t think I was strong enough to do something like that.

It got to the point where I could see the pain in my baby’s eyes & it was heart breaking to see her suffering like that. With what Beyoncé’s condition had become it only took us one day to decide we needed to put her to rest. I did give my dad some push back on the date because I wanted a few more days with her, but we settled on taking her the following day, Friday December 13th. After all, putting it off would’ve only extended her suffering & increased my anxiety. She wasn’t sleeping, we weren’t sleeping, & she was in a lot of pain. The overwhelming feeling of not wanting her to suffer quickly surpassed my selfish feelings of not wanting to have her put down.

What an agonizing day Friday December 13thwas. As soon as I opened my eyes that morning I was overwhelmed with emotions. I gave myself a few minutes to get it all out before I started my day. A part of me wished she would’ve just passed in her sleep that night so I wouldn’t have to go through with this. But I had to get up & take Beyoncé for what would be our last walk together. Before heading to work my mom & I hugged each other tightly with Beyoncé in our arms for a few minutes. I tried to keep myself busy & distracted at work but I was unsuccessful. All I could think about was what I had to do when I got off. I fought back tears all day, but as soon as I exited the building I cried uncontrollably. When I pulled up to the house my dad opened the front door & their Beyoncé was standing in the doorway looking at me. On a normal day she would’ve took off running to me. The house already felt different. There was now this somber aura that filled our home. I must’ve sat in my bed for an hour holding Beyoncé, rocking her back & forth crying out loud. Then I walked around the entire house multiple times while holding her. I always imagined it being hard to put a pet to sleep but whatever I pictured, what I was feeling was 10 times worse.

On a positive note, the doctors at the veterinarian handled my family & Beyoncé with such care. I’m sure they put animals to sleep daily, it’s part of their job but they didn’t treat it as if it was just another task. They showed so much empathy & assured us that we were doing the right thing for Beyoncé. Better to have her put to sleep peacefully rather than letting her continue to suffer or worse, die gasping for air struggling to breathe. All thoughts of doubt & betrayal vanished & they made me realize this was our final act of love. They thoroughly explained the euthanasia process & let us have our last moments with her. I left the room because I didn’t want my last memory to be of her being put to sleep, but my mom & dad stayed in the room to see her take her last breath. They told me she just closed her eyes & went to sleep. After the process was complete, we brought Beyoncé back home & buried her on the side of the house by my room.

Although this continues to be an emotional journey, my family & I are adjusting to our new normal. We definitely still have our sad moments but we try to look at pictures & videos to remind us of the good times. Man, did that girl give us some good laughs. Life must go on but we will always love Beyoncé & we’ll never forget the paw prints she left on our hearts. Happy Sweet 16 Beyoncé & Happy 1stBirthday in heaven.

And for anyone who is having a hard time dealing with the loss of a pet, you are not alone. Many people can’t comprehend why losing a pet is such an emotional thing for some, but it’s normal. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you shouldn’t grieve your animal. After all we spend so much time with them & they become part of our families. Take your time & acknowledge your feelings so you can heal no matter what anyone says or thinks.

- MYD

#MYD Dogs Pomeranian

[gonnabesyk]

about a month ago, my dad’s dog was struck with some sort of catastrophic illness. I think he had a stroke, but his health has been gradually declining over the past year or so. 

Around Christmas, his nose crusted over and bloody mucus began pouring from the left nostril. His eyes were covered in sticky, purulent-looking discharge that never cleared up (even after antibiotics). I feared distemper since they haven’t had their shots in a few years, but the vet disagreed

I started gently encouraging my mom to think about euthanasia a few weeks ago, but she insisted it just wasn’t time yet. Today, he can barely stand. He appears to be deaf and blind - so disoriented, he can’t find the front door or his food bowl anymore. His joints are stiff, his teeth are rotten, he cries whenever someone tries to touch him. Mom is feeding him whatever he will eat at this point, but he’s wasting away. When he isn’t eating, he lies on the couch looking miserable. 

I talked to her again today about having him put down.. Of course, I told her it’s her decision and I won’t judge her either way, but I have to admit it’s very hard for me to see him in so much pain. He’s clearly suffering, his quality of life is 0. There’s no way Cooper is ever going to recover; I think he probably has cancer on top of the stroke

We adopted him in 2008. I saw an ad in the paper for boxer/mastiff puppies and begged my parents. They said no. I begged some more. No. I cried and begged. We need a puppy! No. But dad, they’ll be GONE by tomorrow. And you’ve always wanted a mastiff! He gave in, but was livid. My sister called the number in the ad and later that evening, we came home with a scraggly-looking little pup. We argued over names while mom gave him a bath. Mom wanted to call him Star because of the lopsided white star on his chest. I think someone suggested Sheriff or Deputy, maybe.. I blurted out, “COOPER” and the name stuck.

He was dad’s dog more than anyone else’s.. Still, I remember speeding home after school to play with him. The guy who sold him to us had attempted to crop his tail on his own, not knowing what he was doing.. That left Coop with a lumpy, sad-looking nub on his rear end. He was such a pitiful thing.

I don’t want him to suffer anymore. Mom wants to take him back to the vet on Wednesday to see if there’s anything more they can do for him. I’m going with her, but at this point I think she’d be better off to set up an appointment to have him euthanised.. I’m afraid my sister wouldn’t let her do it, though. She seems to be in denial about his condition. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear she thinks dad’s soul is housed in that dog’s body - she just seems extra attached to him because he was dad’s dog. She didn’t care that much about him before dad died, so it’s the only explanation that makes sense to me.. She’s mean to the other pets

Anyway, I think he’s ready to be with my dad. I’m getting choked up writing about it. I wish I’d spent more time with him. I don’t think he knows who I am anymore. I’m going to share some happier photos of him in the next post

#pets #vent

[lilsqueakers]

I remember you talking about different types of culling, which type do you use with each problem? If you don't mind me asking

I don’t mind at all! I’m very open about this elsewhere I’m just not sure what the comfort level is with me talking about it on this blog as most people go here for cute pictures, baha 

So! for hard culling (AKA: euthanasia) 

I use this for:

Major health concerns (I.e: prolapsed uteruses, MAJOR eye infections, neurological conditions that would hinder the quality of life) rat/mouse to human aggression

Maternal aggression

In rats- any rat that cannot get along with other rats as I refuse to place an animal like a rat (which is a heavily social animal whos quality of life DEPENDS on other rats being present) in social isolation. 

In mice- any FEMALE mouse that cannot get along with other mice (again, colony creatures that depend on company)

In mice- any male mouse that will not get along with females. I don’t judge male x male aggression as its normal and common for them. Most of the time, however, I try and place their cages next to eachother so they can at least see another mouse- idk if it helps anything but… I dunno, I hate for them to be alone.

I have a bin right now that’s split in half with wire mesh separating two boys and they will sleep next to eachother on either side of the mesh. It’s quite sad that hormones get in the way of colony keeping them :( . 

Failure to thrive babies 

Babies with injuries or defects that will get in the way of quality of life.

When a mom had more than 10 babies I would cull down to under 10. It’s better on the mom AND permits the remaining babies to get more nutrients and grow up healthier and stronger. 

Soft culling (AKA: removing from the breeding program, but not euthanizing. Pet placing or me keeping for myself because i’m selfish.) : 

Mismarks

Sterile animals I keep. UNLESS it is cryptorchidism which will cause cancer in the rat. 

Color that doesn’t match what I’m after 

Defects that DONT affect the quality of life but would not be good to pass down. (I.e: small eye, warped ears)

When a mom has a hard time coming back from a pregnancy/nursing she’ll be retired and placed in with weaning babies as a nanny of sorts. Teach them manners! I had a rat that knew how to open my bins that I rehomed to a place that used cages. He was smart- too smart for his own good, but an absolute DOLL and loved attention. I’d be working on another bin and he’d escape and crawl up the shelves to come see what I was doing like “HOW DARE WHEN NOT ABOUT ME” .

I had to soft cull my hairless because for some reason the girls didn’t want anything to do with him and would just continuously pat him with their paws and feel over his face before shoving him out of the nest. I couldn’t help but think it was “You feel like a raw chicken. i refuse to make babies with a raw chicken.” 

#uhmmmm #okok imma tag this with #tw animal death #just because idk what else y'all would have tagged :( #Anonymous #not a squeak

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #6

It’s barely been half a week and we’ve got enough questions for another round. You folks just keep ‘em coming don’t you?

Anonymous said: You don't have to answer this, but I love your twenty questions posts. They're such a variety and everything is so short and digestible. Kind of a fun way to start my day :)             

I’m glad you like them, and now you get to feature in one! Honestly they’re the only way I have any hope of keeping up with all your questions.

Anonymous asked: Question tax: came for some clarifying information, and stayed because of the thought-provoking concepts this blog provides.  And my question is about the recent ask about muzzles? Why are there greyhound-specific muzzles? I'm sorry if you mentioned it before and I just missed it.

In Australia at least, greyhounds have to race in those muzzles. They’re very light weight and are easy to slip on and off. Greyhounds have very narrow heads compared to other breeds, so non-flexible muzzles often don’t fit them very well. A greyhound muzzle is just like a wire basket and can basically be worn all day, except for meals.If a greyhound is not certified through the Greyhound Adoption Program then it has to wear this muzzle in public by law. The GAP certification means it’s been tested safe around small dogs.

@lessdenied said: Hi Dr. Ferox! I came for the fantasy animals, stayed because it's really interesting seeing the tiny differences between US Vet stuff and Aussie Vet stuff! So, question: My rabbit is very sick with Pasteurella, and even though I'm giving him antibiotics and changing his bedding daily (he's got abscesses from it) and making sure his diet is perfect, it's probably terminal. He's old; we're going to fight until the quality of life is gone, but it'll go eventually. Throughout this, his vet's office has been amazing, and gone above and beyond for us. What can I do to thank the vet and her staff? My go-to would be baked goods and a bunch of coffee/tea with a donation to a local shelter--thoughts? I've already given them a good yelp/google review, since there are a ton of vets where I am and I figured that'd be the most important thanks. Question tax: Marmite or vegemite or neither?

Positive online reviews are extremely welcome because they’re permanent and rare, honestly most folks only go to online review places to complain. Food is always welcome, especially if it’s in an easily dividable form to share between staff members.

A handwritten card with a photo of the pet which thanks staff by name is also more appreciated than people think. It reminds us why we’re in this profession in the first place and if you’re having a bad mental health day they can really pick you up.

And Vegemite for life.

@doctorrichardstrand said: Just wanted to say thanks for all of the euthanasia discussions. i'm not sure if you remember, but i asked a question a while ago about cancer in schnauzers, and literally hours after asking that we had to make that decision for her (the tumor was bleeding internally and she was in pain and we couldn't afford an emergency surgery, it was the day after we found it). it's been reassuring to know the hard decision is often the right one.            

A bleeding abdominal tumor is very rarely a good thing. There’s not anything that can be said to actually lessen your loss but I’m glad it’s comforting to know that making a decision at the time is the right thing to do.

@reachyourlimit said: I asked you a few weeks ago if you'd ever seen ingrown hairs in dogs that wouldn't go away. We saw another vet for my dog's annual 2 weeks ago, and there just so happened to be a dermatologist there giving a presentation, so she brought my dog to see the dermatologist, who immediately suspected hypothyroidism since it was on a pressure point but should have been healing. Did a blood test, and she was right, and it looks like they're finally starting to heal…in case you ever encounter this

That’s different. I’ve certainly had hypothyroidism cause baldness but not hairs that are ingrown before.

Anonymous: Hi, I have a mini poodle who was a rescue, she came to me with a docked tail and no dewclaws, and frequently bites and scratches at her tail and the places her front dewclaws would be. Is this common?

I’m not sure what to tell you without examining the dog, Anon. She might have neuromas at the site of amputation, which are chronically painful but sometimes respond to medication, or she might be genuinely itchy as feet and tail base are common sites to scratch from multiple different causes. You need a vet to examine your pet for more information.

Anonymous said: Hi Dr. Ferox! I love this blog and the lovely fantasy masterposts---they've given me much food for thought! I have a question on feline dental care. My 11 yo cat was just diagnosed with feline tooth resorption. I asked about treatment and the doc said it's a thing that's really common in cats and if the cat doesn't act differently or seem to be in pain (she doesn't), then to leave it alone. Is this true? Should I get a 2nd opinion? The cat is otherwise healthy. Thank you!

I would bet you money that if somebody poked your cat’s lesion, it would show pain. Just because a cat isn’t crying or sooking all the time doesn’t mean something isn’t painful. I would get a second opinion, and I would strongly consider having any affected teeth out.

Anonymous said: I think this is kind of a weird question and feel free to ignore it if it isn't FAQ compliant. We took my dog into the vet today for a limp on a hind leg and the doc took one look at it and said "tweaked her ACL." He's got her on anti-inflammatories and a joint supplement (Movoflex, if that matters) with instructions to keep her leashed for 10 days to keep her from blowing out the other one. We've restricted her access to stairs. My mom is the sort that immediately goes and watches ...

Looks like you got my first but not my second? re: ACL. Basically, vet says she tweaked it, we're leash only and no stairs for 10 days + anti inflammatories and a joint supplement then go from there,main concern right now is to see if we can keep from messing up the other one. Mom is finding "cures" of questionable credibility on YouTube, any tips for finding "but can we be doing more?!?" info that isn't BS? Also, any tips for entertaining a super bored dog?            

If it is the cruciate ligament that’s tweaked/sprained/strained/stretched in some way, there’s no ‘miracle cure’ for you to find online. You just have to enforce rest so that she doesn’t bust her other one (as something like 10% of dogs will do).

Strict rest, limiting food intake (because they will gain weight when you force them to be less active) and passive range of motion exercises (lie dog on side, gently move leg through circle it would move if they were walking 5-10 times) is all I’d recommend at this stage.

I generally recommend chew toys or puzzle feeders, since they can amuse themselves with those whilst not moving about much. It’s hard to keep them entertained while confined, but it’s important for their healing.

Anonymous said: I adopted a dog in August.  He had a broken leg (and a recent surgery to put in a rod). I worked with my vet, did PT to strengthen the atrophied muscles, and a few months ago, he was finally cleared to run freely. This weekend, I took him to the park, where he jumped, and fell funny. He cried, and wouldn't put weight on his leg for a few minutes, but within a couple hours seemed totally fine. I'm scared to take him back to the park, but he has so much energy, and needs to run! Any advice?

I’d get his leg checked just to be safe, but jumping is generally a higher risk of injury than just walking or running. You may need to modify your games so that he isn’t encouraged to jump, eg rolling balls along the ground instead of throwing them.

It’s also possible that the implant is aggravating him in some way, although this is uncommon.

Anonymous: do some dogs lose fur on their tails? is that normal? my cousin has a large mutt and he is pretty old. his tail is practically bald. it gets worse when he gets flees so they keep daisy, who gets flees often, away from him. they really love him and take care of him pretty well. but even so i am wondering what's up with his tail

It’s common but it’s not normal. He could have a hormonal condition, or an allergy, or an anal gland problem depending on where the fur loss it. If you know he’s sensitive to fleas then both dogs should be on a consistent, quality flea control as ‘keeping them apart’ isn’t likely to do anything.

Anonymous asked: What would you suggest for chewing for dogs? Dachshund and mastiff-Labrador, the dachshund is more of an aggressive chewer

I’m not willing to give specific recommendations for animals not directly under my care. This is because most chews still have a risk of tooth fractures or choking, and I do not want to be ethically responsible.

Broadly speaking raw bones of an appropriate size can be good, as can any chew with VOHC certification. Things like antlers and rawhide tend to give no benefit, and may actually be detrimental.

Anonymous said: My dog is on Bravecto and Sentinel. (Has had Heartworm in the past/was treated.) We go hiking a lot/live in the woods. Knowing ticks are bad (live in USA), should I take any more precautions? Will those kill ticks before contracting any illness? Can I spray the dog with OFF? Also, having had Heartworm, are there any lasting effects once treated? Thanks!

I don’t know what’s in OFF but you could consider spraying permethrin on the legs and chest of the dog. (Do not ever use in cats). You should talk to your local vet about what tick borne illnesses they see, because we generally don’t see them here and they may vary by region.

It’s certainly possible to have residual scaring in the heart after a heartworm infection, but again you should be talking to your own vet about your dog’s particular case.

@kalessan said: Hi, my question is about goat genetics, I hope that might be interesting for you!  So lots of people believe that a homozygous polled goat has a higher chance of being intersex, but others say this only comes from one small study in the 1940s and might not be true?  Do you know if there is better science on this now?  It would be great to be able to breed for polled and no disbudding.  Thanks very much, I will buy you a coffee :)

So, it seems like homozygous polled goats do have a higher risk of being intersex overall. This is because there is another gene which is closely associated (on the same chromosome) as the polled gene and they are often inherited together. When the goat is homozygous for this gene the females may be all sorts of intersex and the males have reduced fertility.

It’s possible (and desirable) to have some lines where the polled gene is not associated with this intersex gene, but it may take genetic screening and simple luck for us to figure this out and isolate it.

@geneticallymodifiedmemes said: My favorite thing is when I paint my nails or use moisturizer or anything that causes my hands to smell strongly, and my cat seems so offended. I can't blame her, but her shocked face is so funny.

Their sense of smell, and what they find nice/offensive, is different to ours. Also consider the fact that your hands are now coated in this scent, and it’s your hands that pat her, so you will potentially coat her in the scent as well. No wonder she takes offense

Anonymous said: Hello, new follower here! I've seen some of your posts around tumblr (trash bag the cat, goth bunny owner, etc) and just now decided to check out your whole blog. Your information and stories are very interesting to read, even as someone who knows very little about veterinary medicine. I'm more into botany, which is why your url caught my eye - have you heard of the plant Aloe ferox? Anyways, hope this question finds you in good health, and that your week goes well.

Yes I’m aware of them, I have searched my name from time to time to see what Google picks up. It’s a Latin word so its used in a few things, but I actually chose my name from a fictional character.

@decaying-bambi asked: Hello! I saw your post about Rottweilers, I have a "Boxweiler" which is apparently the term for a Rottweiler and Boxer mix..? however I keep looking for tips on how to better care for her and what things I should know about her health (possible growth issues and etc) but I find it's difficult to really find much professional advice about "Boxweilers" she is very well behaved and absolutely sweet but can be a bit of a butt head at times because she's overly playful. Any advice, she's a 60lb pup.

The reason you wont find muck professional advice about ‘Boxweilers’ is because they are a mixed breed that has been given a cutesy name to make them easier to sell. They are not a breed, they are a cross. As such you can consider information about both parent breeds as potentially being relevnt to your pup.

Boxers

Rottweilers

Boxer crossbreds

Anonymous said: what do you think about breed specific legislation? does it help keep people safe or does it just leave a lot of dogs w/o homes?

It doesn’t result in dogs not having homes, it results in target breeds being euthanasied. I’ve talked briefly about Breed Specific Legislation before, and I think while there could potentially be some types of BSL that are useful, in their current form they are not useful for reducing dog bites or protecting the public.

Anonymous asked: Are there any vet shows that you would say have good practices? Because Dr Pol is definitely not one of them.

I really don’t watch vet shows any more. They’re not relaxing, they’re not entertaining and they don’t let me rest my brain. You can’t live and breathe veterinary medicine all the time and still stay sane.

They’re kind of ethically gray too, because producing these shows often require repeated filming which may not be in the best interest of the patient. I listened to some TV vets talk about the process, and how having the film crew interfered with their work and meant they had to take on less cases. Also how they had to do multiple takes of them driving through the farm gate and inane things like that. It’s really difficult to do best practice medicine because it’s often not ‘pretty enough’ for television.

I know that Village Vets Australia did at least try to do everything as well as they could do, but I’ve not personally watched it for the above reasons.

Another anonymous said: I saw what you had written about Dr pol (who's show I've never watched) and I was wondering what you thoughts were on Dr Michelle Oakley because I've been watching her show wilderness vet and I think she seems great but I wanted to get real vets opinion on her.

Again, I don’t watch these shows and I wont watch these shows anymore. I need some part of my life that is not vetting. Sorry I can’t help you.

@lornacus asked: Hows trash bag?

He’s a naughty and precocious kitten, as he should be. Here he is not being murdered by Wonka.

#dr ferox #trashbag the cat #wonka the cat #long post #veterinarian #vetblr

[cornbyte]

It all happened within 24 hours. I got home from work around 7pm, usual for Tuesdays. I had had such a bad day at work, nothing really that bad happened, but I was cooped up in a room all day with just my thoughts and I had been so hard on myself. I just felt like getting home and snuggling with Jasper and crying. But I got home and started getting Jasper ready to go for a walk, and he was SO excited to see me that he was bouncing around and was literally bounding down the hallway, turning around to make sure I was close by and then bounding at me. He was being so goofy that I thought to myself, “Aw man, he makes me feel so much better. None of that matters.” Our walk was so great, we went on his favorite route and he saw three of his friends: The old man that loves him (Jasper is a little suspicious of him but accepts the pats), the angry chihuahua (that he loves pestering) and Mr. Corgi (who he also loves to pester). It was very exciting. All of the plum trees were blossoming and they smelled so good that I kept grabbing some and smelling them and he wanted to see what they were, so I showed him some and he gave it a good sniff then decided he didn’t care because he couldn’t eat it. So I set the flowers on his head, and one stayed on there for awhile. We went back to my apartment where an hour later I started getting sad again, so I laid on his dog bed and was hugging him and being sad while he rolled around on me and nuzzled me. It was making me feel so much better, and then I thought, “what the hell am I going to do when he dies?” And I started crying. 

No more than two hours later, I started getting ready to pick up Andrew from work. He was acting sad, like something was wrong, and I thought it was because he thought I was leaving and not coming back (I’d just recently come back from a 1 day trip to see my mom). I texted Andrew that something was wrong with Jasper, but I just thought that he was sad. I picked up Andrew from work and we went straight back to my apartment to take him out for a walk. He wouldn’t get up even when I picked up his leash, and he gave me that sad look again and I knew something was wrong. I offered him his favorite treat to see if he’d get up and he wouldn’t even take it. I was thinking, maybe he was blocked up? He did just get into the garbage yesterday and didn’t poop much on his walk earlier today? So we eventually lifted him up, and he hobbled over to the stairs and refused to go down them. I carried him down and we took him outside, and he just laid down and looked at me, like he was trying to tell me something was wrong. So Andrew carried him back inside and we laid him on my bed while we called the emergency vet at WSU (it was close to 12am at this point). They told me to bring him in, so we did immediately. It was a long car ride, because he was deteriorating fast (drooling, shaking, looking completely bewildered). We finally got there and they rushed him to the back, and that was when I could really tell how much pain he was in. 

It was a long night of sitting in the waiting room. The vet came out and told us that he had fluid in his abdomen. Then we waited some more. She came back out with three tubes filled with blood, and said it was bad. That’s when I started crying. We waited some more. She came back out to tell me that he had a bleeding mass, most likely on his spleen. She gave me about a million different ways that it could play through, from best case scenario, the bleeding would resolve itself, and worst case scenario being that it’s a cancerous mass and he has 6 months to live. It was so overwhelming. But it was clear that he probably needed surgery to stop the bleeding, but they needed more imaging done so that they knew what they were dealing with and to also keep him overnight. She gave me a quote of $5000-6000 for the surgery, which I needed to pay upfront as a deposit in the morning. The plan was that they’d keep him overnight and do surgery in the morning, after the imaging. We were able to go see him in the ICU before we left, and he was doing a lot better after getting IV fluids. He came out of his cage and we hugged him a lot, and then he went back into his cage on his own and plopped down and was acting generally happy and okay with his sleepover situation. The vet was optimistic that fluids helped so much. But was still bleeding, and the 6 months to live prognosis was repeated.

So then we had to go home without him. We were barely out of the parking lot when he broke down. I put my car in park at a stop sign and we held each other and cried. Neither of us really slept at all that night, I kept waking up thinking I heard my phone ring. Morning came around and I got ahold of my parents, and they said they’d help me with the deposit. The WSU vet tech called me at 7am, saying he made it through the night but needed the deposit because he needed surgery. We got it figured out and they started on imaging on abdomen (to see how big the bleeding mass was and if they could remove it with a splenectomy, and to also see if his liver was affected) and cardiac imaging (to see if it was affected as well before they proceeded with surgery). Then it was just waiting. Andrew and I just sat on my bed and waited. It was around noon I think when the vet called back.

He said that Jasper had masses on his spleen and throughout his liver, and they took a biopsy and had it tested. He was diagnosed with hepatic hemangiosarcoma in his spleen and liver, an aggressive and fast spreading cancer. They gave me the option to do the surgery and remove his spleen and portions of his liver to stop the bleeding, and afterwards chemotherapy. With this they couldn’t even guarantee that the bleeding could be stopped, but if it could he would have only 3 months to live. The other option was to just do chemotherapy, with no guarantee how long he would live, what response he would have, or if the bleeding would stop. The last option was exploratory surgery and then reassess. 

I called my mom and talked to Andrew, and decided that the best option was to bring him home and do an in-home euthanasia. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I knew that he was already such a sensitive boy, and recovering from surgery would have taken many painful months and that doing that to him would just be cruel and selfish. I could barely wrap my head around it, because how could this be happening? He’s so active and happy. In January, we saw the vet to test one of his new fatty lumps (he had a lot, and they were always fatty tumors but I had every single one checked). He also had a cough and we did chest xrays and blood work, and the vet gave him a clean bill of health because he was completely healthy (except for his weight and that his teeth needed cleaned again). It was literally 4 months ago. It was literally the night before he had been romping around down the hallway and letting me put flowers on his head.

So I called my vet and made the appointment for 5:30 pm. We went and got him at 2pm, but the wait took forever. I just wanted to be with him again because we only had hours left. When we finally got him, he was so lethargic and confused and just collapsed on my lap. The team that worked on him said goodbye to him and gave me the blanket he’d been using and reassured me that I was making the right decision. He had to be carried to my car and I sat in the back with him on the way back and held his head. I couldn’t believe that it was happening

We finally laid him down in his bed and laid down next to him. We cried and gave him a few pepperoni. I held him and stroked his ears and his face. He was shaking and kept snapping his head up, looking around all bewildered. I think he was in pain and didn’t know where it was coming from. He was so in and out of it. But I had a heart to heart with him, close enough so he could hear me and his eyes locked with mine as if he understood what I was saying. Our vet was delayed to 6:30, and at that point I was just crying because I couldn’t stand seeing him in so much pain. I felt like I was prolonging it. He was so painful and was scared except for when he would realize it was me or where he was. It hadn’t even been 24 fucking hours since our walk when he’d been perfectly fine.

And then our vet and a vet tech came over. We’d been saying our goodbyes for a couple hours by then, but we said bye one last time. Seeing and feeling him shake and the heat coming off of him was killing me. I held him in my arms and kissed his head when he fell asleep. He was already so limp to begin with that there was no difference from awake to asleep. And then he was gone. I held him while the tech got his pawprint. Eventually I had to leave his side. Andrew held my face against his chest and wouldn’t let go until they had his body inside the little cardboard coffin that they brought. 

And just like that my best friend for 10 years was gone forever.

The treat I had used to try to get him up was still on my counter. There’s still food in his bowl with his tennis ball right next to it. The three empty dog beds so that he would always have a comfy place to be. His treats, supplements, and poop bags are right next to the door. The hook on my fridge for his leash. My tiny studio apartment was just mine and Jasper’s. That’s what made it so great. It still feels like he’s still at the vet and he’s coming back. He was my best friend and my roommate. My schedule revolved around him. 

It’s been 5 days since he’s died but it still feels like yesterday. My mom came up the day after he died. I took work off and so did Andrew, and today is the first day in my apartment by myself. I don’t know what I would’ve done without Andrew. He’s held me and cried with me and has barely left my side. I know that it put him back to when he lost his mom. He had been alone for that. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him. The day after Jasper died, we had to go down to our vet to pay for the euthanasia and his cremation. He helped me pick out an urn. And when it came time to pay he refused to let me pay, even though it was almost $400. I had the money but he wouldn’t let me and said it was the least he could do. His kindness and love has really held me together.

I know that Jasper loved me so much and that I was his person. He was my soul dog and my best buddy. At 15 years old I know that he lived a good, long life, even though that doesn’t stop this from being so sudden. I’m so thankful that we came into each others lives. He always wanted me to be happy and was quick to investigate and nuzzle me whenever I was crying. He loved Andrew too, and Andrew loved him. I hope Jasper rests easy knowing that Andrew will always keep me safe. I’ll never have another dog like him. I keep expecting to see his face, or hear him walking across the hardwood floor. Every second I spend away from my apartment, I get hit with that guilt of “I need to get home to my dog”, and then I remember. I know that with time it’ll get better, but whenever I think about that I think about wanting to go back into time just to spend more time with him. I miss him so much.

#ive been replaying this in my head in an endless loop so im hoping writing it out helps me #jasper #long

[lilkyy-blog1]

Presentations

 Euthanasia - I also did a research paper on euthanasia in high school, 10th grade to be specific.  I found the topic to be extremely important because I don’t think it’s fair to tell someone they cannot kill themselves, especially if they are terminally ill.  One question that was brought up in class that I disagreed with was about if doctors did not want to perform euthanasia.  Legalizing euthanasia does not force doctors to perform it.  If cancer patient X is ready go and he asks doctor A to euthanize him, he can say no, I don’t feel comfortable with that I’m sorry, cancer patient X can then call up doctor B and ask him for the favor, doctor B also has the ability to chose whether he would want to perform the procedure or not, no one is ever forced to do something they don’t want to do just because its legal.  That is like saying that because marijuana is legal in Colorado, I am obligated to smoke it while I’m there.  Another issue that I feel needed to be more addressed was the topic of mental illness, such as depression.  People with depression are suffering as well, should they be able to be considered as candidates for euthanasia???

Nurture vs. Nature - I totally agree that it is a combination of the two that determine how a person turns out.  Coming from an accepting family, I could be straight, gay, trans, they wouldn’t care.  The fact that they are accepting had no influence whatsoever on my sexual preference, being straight or gay or trans is something you are born with, it’s not something you can chose, or that can be influenced on by your environment.  An example where nurture is a cause would be something like the food you like and dislike.  My mom and my aunt can both cook, for the most part, I never had to settle for ordinary food.  So when I go to my friend’s house for dinner, and she tells me shes making a pasta chicken dish, I have high expectations.  When she pulls out a bag of who knows what from the freezer, where all she has to do is warm it up in a pan, I cannot even begin to swallow the mushy chicken before I gag.  I was not born disliking mushy chicken, I was raised with non- mushy chicken so that is what I like.  Nature vs. Nurture at it’s finest. 

Mental Effects Of Sports Injuries - It has happened multiple times over the years where a star athlete gets injured and when he/she returns he/she never seems to play as good as he/she did before.  Could it be physical, probably, it’s like when after you drop your phone and after a while, sometimes the screen isn't as responsive as it used to be.  Could it be mental, without a doubt.  Everyone has such high expectations for a returning star athlete, sometimes it can be difficult to live up to expectations even when you were the one that set them so high.  I think it can also be difficult to get past the fear of getting injured again, sort of like a PTSD type situation. For a quarterback coming back from an extreme injury, he may be more prone to try and get rid of the ball faster, leading to mistakes, in order to protect himself from getting hit again.

Electoral College - Even after learning about how our government works multiple times through my years in school, I still do not fully understand how it works.  From this presentation I have learned that the electoral college prevents a tie between candidates.  I also learned that there has NEVER been a tie.  I do know that if the electoral college was not in place during the 2016 elections, we would not have an embarrassing idiot representing our country for the next 4 years.  SO, with that being said I am totally in favor of getting rid of the electoral college.

Breed Specific Legislation - I completely agree that BSL is wrong and should not be a thing but I do understand where these cities are coming from.  One thing that the presenter stated that I don’t necessarily agree with is that the temper of dogs like pitbulls is solely dependent on the way it’s raised.  I do believe that the way a dog is raised and treated has a large impact on how the dog reacts in different situations, unfortunately some breeds of dogs are genetically prone to be more aggressive.  With the right owner and training, this wouldn't be a problem but more often than not, families get dogs and don’t realize how much work they really need to put into them.  Even with dogs like golden retrievers, the most family friendly dog, they can still be aggressive.  At the end of the day, a dog is still an animal and will do whatever it feels like.

Euthanasia vs. Physician Assisted Suicide - I did not realize there was a difference between the two.  If I was terminally ill, I think I would rather take part in physician assisted suicide where I could go home with my loved ones and die peacefully in my own home.  Then again, I’m not quite sure I could do it, i’m not sure I would have the balls to kill myself no matter how ill I may be.

The Effects of Body Language on Mental Health - I think it would be interesting to study the ways different types of body languages can be perceived by different people in different cultures.  I was not aware that body language has an effect on mental health and after this presentation I am still not really clear on how it does but I am very curious so I may look into this myself.

Effects of Media on Obesity - I enjoyed this topic because I believe obesity is a growing problem that is becoming widely excepted because of the media.  I’m all about body positive and loving yourself no matter how you look, but I think people need to realize that problems with obesity should stem from health not looks.  Its great if you’re overweight and still confident with how you look, but that should not be your main concern, people need to be asking themselves, ‘Am I healthy?’ NOT ‘Do I look good?’  One show that immediately comes to mind is My Big Fat Fabulous Life.  This woman Whitney is extremely overweight and the show follows her life and the different struggles she faces being overweight and how she over comes them.  Whitney is constantly acknowledging the fact that she is ‘fat’ and that she doesn’t care because she is happy with her body and her life.  I think its awesome that she is happy but I think it is important that she looks at her weight as a health risk because there is no way she can be healthy being that overweight.  A persons health should always take priority over their looks.

Figure Skating: Artistry or Athleticism - I think it’s rather clear that figure skating takes a ton of athleticism and strength, I’d love to see anyone that disagrees try to do some of the stuff these skaters can do.  Whats even crazier is the fact that they not only have to perform wild stunts but they also have to look pretty while doing it. 

Common Core - I have always been really good at math and when my younger sister brought home her common core math homework I could not figure it out.  I think they have really good intentions with common core but the concepts they’re trying to teach are too complicated for students so young.

The Importance of Firearm Education - I don’t think people really understand how dangerous guns are.  Firearm education should always be required when purchasing and owning a gun.  Even the most educated firearm owners find themselves involved in gun accidents, humans make mistakes and that’s why safety precautions should always be taken.  Without proper education these accidents are much more likely to occur and that is a tragedy no family wants to face.

Police Brutality (Is it an important issue in America?) - America has the highest police brutality rates according to this presentation.  This particular student seems to be focusing mainly on the brutality on minorities.  From her statistics I gathered that 62% of the population is white and 24% of the population is black.  49% of the victims of police brutality were white while 13% of police brutality victims were black.  She stated that blacks were 2.5x-5x more likely to be a victim of police brutality but if you do the math she is wrong, in fact whites are more likely to be victims of police brutality based on her numbers.  What I feel the focus of her essay should be on, is the way the media turns police brutality into a story about race rather than focusing on what really occurred. 

The Impacts of Standardized Testing on Education - To rid of standardized tests would be difficult because we need some sort of way to test the knowledge of students.  I do not think the results of these score should have a major role in the evaluations of teachers.  While how a student performs does somewhat show how good a teacher is, there is more that needs to be taken into consideration.  Some student just do not apply themselves, no matter how much extra help a teacher can try to give, they just wont apply themselves in class or on standardized tests.

[eportfolionhipham]

Cultural, Legal, and Ethical Issues in Health Care

This I Believe

Rights of patients and physicians

1. Patient autonomy, truth-telling, and confidentiality

            I believe that it’s important for providers to protect the patient’s information. I work in a lab as a medical technologist and here, we have a very strong emphasis on HIPPA laws and patient confidentiality. We take drastic measures in order to ensure that the privacy of our patients is protected. As tedious as it is to go through these hoops to protect our patients, I completely agree with why we do it. I think a patient’s health is a very personal thing. For example, if someone has an illness they contracted from having intimate relations with someone else, that’s something that is very personal and private. If something like that happened to me, I would be very distraught if that information was disclosed to parties that I did not approve. I’m trusting that I can seek the care I need without having to feel ashamed or judged. If a patient cannot fully trust a physician, there are high chances the patient will not seek the medical care that they need for fear of judgement. This could result in someone passing away even though it is completely curable or preventable.  

2. Medical research ethics and informed consent

            For any type of research, whether it’s medical based or not, it is always important to obtain informed consent. I think it’s very important that the person being evaluated for the research knows completely what they are getting themselves in to. Looking at the history of medical research, we can easily see why this concept is so important. Back in the day before ethic laws enacted to protect patients, doctors were allowed to perform experiments on patients without consent. These practices occurred most frequently in insane asylums. There was no reasonable justification for the cruel experiments, nor were the experiments controlled. Many who were coerced into participating, were often permanently damaged or murdered. As someone who graduated in a research focused field, I understand the importance of wanting to discover something amazing. With that being said, it’s extremely difficult to perform proper experiments. There are tons of guidelines that must be followed, especially if humans are involved in the trials. However, even though it’s difficult, I’d rather conduct a successful experiment without any lives lost, than conduct one where someone passes away.

Controls

3. Genetic control

            I don’t completely agree with the idea of genetic control. I’m assuming when we talk about genetic control we are talking about modifying someone’s genes, or an infant’s genes in order to take away specific unwanted traits. This concept holds valuable potential to cure diseases, or even eradicate diseases, but I don’t trust it to not be abused. At one end I would like to see it eradicate diseases and prevent babies from being born with detrimental illnesses. However, on the other end, I don’t trust human kind with this technology. In a time where race and violence is still so prevalent, I don’t trust people to not abuse this tool and use it for selfish superficial purposes. For example, someone wealthy wanting to “create” the perfect baby. To me this concept is absolutely absurd. It’s so absurd that you’d imagine that something like this can’t be legal, but something similar to this is already occurring. In China, there is a lab that advertises specializing in helping you create the perfect baby. They don’t do this by genetic modification, instead they hire surrogates that are superficially beautiful. So essentially you’re picking the traits of your baby depending on what your surrogate looks like. This is wrong to me. I can understand having a surrogate because you can’t have children of your own, but to actively pick traits just seems wrong.

4. Reproductive control

            I personally think this applies to women. I think we should have the right to protect ourselves or take measures to control our own reproductive systems. Some religions out there are completely against this, and I can understand why, because many of them practice the idea of abstinence. However, you can practice abstinence and still want to take birth control. There are many benefits of taking birth control, not just for its main purpose of preventing reproduction. When I was 14, and a virgin, I had the worst periods. Every girl experiences this milestone differently, and my experience was horrendous. I was in a lot of pain, not to mention how long the pain would last. Most women usually have their menstruation period be roughly around 5-7 days. Mine would last about half the month. It was absolutely traumatic. My mom took me to the doctors and I was placed on birth control in order to control my period better. It was beneficial for me and made my life a lot better. I honestly can’t imagine what it would be like if my mom did not approve of my taking birth control just because it prevents reproduction as well. I would be in so much pain for nearly the entirety of my life.

Terminations

5. Abortion

            Over the years I’ve really flipped flopped on my opinions of abortion. When I was in my teen years, the fear of being young and pregnant terrified me. So the idea of abortion was a heaven sent. However, as I grew up my experiences changed me. My step mom was pregnant and she had a miscarriage. One in every three women miscarry their first child. This is very disheartening and a lot of women suffer because of this. A lot of women also lack the proper health conditions to have their own babies as well. So with this in mind I think that rather than abortion, putting the baby up for adoption seems like the better option. However, I don’t judge nor have a negative opinion of women that choose to have abortions. Every woman should have the right to determine what she does to her body, this includes terminating a pregnancy. If she decides she doesn’t want to put her body through that kind of growth, than that’s completely fine. Pregnancy, not to mention being extremely painful, is also terrifying when you consider that you’re responsible for the growth of another being. Some people are not ready for this responsibility and I think that is completely understandable. I’d rather the person terminate the baby than do something reckless during the pregnancy to cause permanent problems to the unborn baby.

6. Treating or terminating impaired infants

            My opinions of early unborn terminations are a lot more lenient than my opinion of a sick infant that is almost fully developed. I think to know that a baby is sick and then deciding to terminate is a little wrong. If there is a treatment possible for the baby, I don’t believe in terminating it. Healthy babies in general are a lot of work, and understandably sick babies are even more work than that. So it can seem a little daunting to have a sick baby, but I don’t think by this point that it’s right to be scared and back out. If you’ve decided to have a baby, and the baby happens to come out sick, you should take responsibility. However, I know that for some cases, the illness is severe enough that terminating the infant would be an act of kindness. As sad as that sounds, some illness can cause such excruciating pain that it’d be cruel to let the child suffer through that. So when I talk about not terminating a sick infant, I strictly mean for those cases where we have medical treatments available and it’s completely possible to have the infant survive and thrive.

7. Euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide

            I 100% support the practice of physician assisted suicide, but only for those that are terminally ill and suffering. If you hate your life and are depressed, I think counseling is the better course. My uncle suffered through pancreatic cancer. It was truly painful to see how much pain he was in. If you can imagine, he was this big buff guy, and by the end of his life he resembled a person who’s been starved for days. He constantly asked for the doctors to stop his treatment and to let him pass away. My family was very conflicted with this and there was a lot of arguing. My uncle’s medical decisions were legally up to my aunt. He gave her the rights to make the decisions for him. Which meant that when she was faced with whether or not she should stop his treatments, she struggled a lot. He was not in his right mind by this point and was just in a lot of pain. My aunt however, did not want to let go. In the end she chose to continue treatment for my uncle. He eventually passed away. Her reasons for continuing his treatments were because she couldn’t let him go, but he was completely ready to go. I don’t think my aunt is a bad person at all, but I do think that decision was selfish. I wanted to respect his wishes and let him go peacefully, not put him through more treatments that made him feel terrible. It wasn’t my decision, and even if I don’t agree with my aunt’s decision, it’s a terrible one she had to make in the first place. She was placed in a tough position, anyone would’ve struggled with this. I don’t believe her decision was wrong either.

Resources

8. Organ transplants and scarce medical resources

            This may seem a little off topic, but I support the tremendous amount of money it takes to continue the preservation of endangered plants and animals. I believe this because if we take into consideration this problem of scarce resources, we can see that we need to continue research into sustainable alternatives. Having to wait for someone to donate an organ is a really sad thing to think about. The patient usually suffers for a long period of time on the waitlist, and even if they obtain the new organ they need, it was probably from someone who passed away. Having to wait on someone else to die in order to live, is a very eerie concept. However, I think that if we invest our time into alternatives and artificial organs we can reduce the amount of patients on the transplant list, whilst keeping our planet healthy and thriving. The only way for this to be possible is to have further research in to alternatives. How would we find an alternative without first conserving our resources to make this research possible? The answer is we can’t. The amount of animals and plants that go extinct is proportional to the decrease in potential revolutionary discoveries.

  9. Distributing health care (How it should be allocated based on age/status/ability to pay)

            I come from Vietnam and my parents didn’t move to the U.S. until I was about 2 years old. Before we came to America, our healthcare was obviously based in Vietnam. I was fortunate enough to have been born very healthy, but my brother did not have the same fate. However, because we had money, we were able to afford the medical care needed for him. The first thing that for profit clinics and hospitals in Vietnam ask is how the patient will be paying for the care. Before they even let you sign papers to see a doctor or even knowing how much it would cost to treat you, the payment options are handed out first. They will literally do a check to make sure that you’re wealthy enough to afford medical care. My family was fortunate enough to afford what we needed, but as you can imagine, many other people in Vietnam aren’t as fortunate. Hospitals in Vietnam would let you die in their lobby than treat you pro bono. This experience is the reason why I feel like universal healthcare is so important. I think healthcare should be given to those who need it despite how much money they have. Obviously I think there should be a focus on levels of severity when seeking medical attention, but I don’t agree with turning people down for lack of money. I also don’t agree with making someone bankrupt for trying to survive and seek medical care. I don’t know how providers can take an oath, yet let someone die or ruin the rest of their lives just for medical treatment.

  Challenges

10. Health care for women

            I feel like the challenges for women healthcare right now is very prominent. I think in our society, it’s tough to be a woman. There’s so much judgement on every decision we make and there’s also a lot of people trying to make decisions for us. I never understood how someone can judge or tell a woman what she can do with her own body without first experiencing it themselves. For example I don’t know why it’s up to someone other than a specific individual, to decide whether or not they can take birth control. Every person has a different response to common health issues. Periods are different for every girl, pregnancies are different for every woman, and the body’s response to these things are not as predictable as they seem. Sometimes women need the extra help from medications to control painful health conditions. You can’t just make the assumption that someone is taking birth control just to prevent reproduction. You wouldn’t judge or make laws preventing someone from taking Tylenol for headaches when it’s mainly meant for fevers, so you shouldn’t judge a person for taking birth control. You don’t know why someone is making certain health decisions, so it’s important to stay out of their business.

11. Health care for minorities 

            Growing up as a minority in the U.S. the healthcare system was very hard to navigate. I remember being merely 7 and having to translate difficult medical terminology to my parents because we could not find a doctor that could translate. Obtaining healthcare in the U.S. wasn’t difficult like it is in Vietnam, but understanding it was a different story. I recently had a little cousin pass away, and one of the difficulties and reasons why she passed away was because of the lack of understanding of her disorder. Her parents did not speak English very well, so their understanding of her disorder was solely based on what my little cousin was telling them. However, my little cousins’ understanding of her own disorder was as much as you would imagine a 20 year with no medical experience could comprehend. She had Lupus and was very nonchalant about the severity of it. She was not clearly understanding the repercussions of not being attentive to her condition. On top of that, because she was so nonchalant about her condition, when describing to her doctors how she “felt” she came off as fine. Her parents not understanding the severity either, trusted her judgement, and at the end of it all, she passed away due to preventable symptoms of Lupus. I think that the healthcare system is not as clear for minorities as it is for the majority. Especially, if English is something they are not fluent with.

12. Health care for and responsibilities of those with AIDS/HIV

            Providing healthcare for those with AIDS/HIV is a no brainer; they should receive medical care. There’s not much else I can add to that because to have AIDS or HIV is to be sick and need medical attention. I don’t find people who have it to be different from others with terminal cancer. As far as responsibilities goes, it seems a little vague as to what you’re asking, but I think those with transmittable diseases should be held accountable in terms of not spreading the disease. The laws put in place for those who have the illness to report it to those they intend to be intimate with, is fair. I can see where some might find that this goes against patient confidentiality, but I think your right to privacy ends when you’re choosing to harm someone else. The law doesn’t state that they will publicly be announced, it’s lenient, and allows the specific person to make the call of who to tell. So I think it’s important to note that their privacy is being protected. They make the decision of who they tell. If they want to be intimate, then they are choosing to tell about their illness. If they didn’t want to disclose this information, then they should make the decision to not be intimate.

[oddolddogs-blog]

Hippo’s Best Last Day

Well, it’s happened. Something that I made has gone (kinda) viral.

As someone with very few, very specific talents, I never really anticipated that anything that I created or did would be exposed to 1.5+ million people. But it has happened. So, I suppose I should probably say something. And strap in boys and girls, because I’m about to say a lot.

I won’t talk about myself much. Let’s just keep it simple- just an introduction for those of you who may just be joining us. My name is Sophiane Nacer. Many of you have already sent me friend requests. I probably won’t accept, just because most of things I post are either also posted to the rescue’s official Facebook (because they’re pictures of the dogs), or they’re about how my life-size Severus Snape from Amazon just arrived or how, according to a Buzzfeed post, I am a Chinstrap penguin. Anyways, I digress. I founded Cayleb’s Kindred Senior Dog Rescue five years ago, when I was 14 years old. A childhood filled with feral cats and other animal oddities culminated when I rescued Cayleb, who I had for a month until he passed suddenly from advanced liver cancer. Realizing just how many senior dogs were being overlooked and euthanized in local shelters, we decided to continue to rescue dogs like Cayleb- his kindred spirits, you could say (see what we did there?). So I drafted my unsuspecting mother and my extremely dog-and-everything-else allergic father into the strange, wonderful world of old dog rescue.

It’s been five years of mostly just my mom and me tackling the insurmountable task of not only rescuing senior dogs from euthanasia, but convincing people that senior dogs deserved to be rescued from euthanasia. The first few years were difficult. We were frequently accused of “wasting time and resources” on these “lost causes”. These accusations didn’t just come from uneducated members of the public, but from fellow rescuers. Luckily, in the past year or so we’ve seen a definite change for the better. We have more support than ever, and more people (fosters and adopters) looking to share their lives with amazing old dogs, no matter how long (or short) that time may be.

Hippo was one of those amazing dogs.

Hippo was brought to Adams County Animal Shelter- the same shelter we got Cayleb from five years back- as a stray. Anyone who looked at him could see that he was severely neglected. His face was misshapen and ulcerated from what appeared to be aggressive tumors. His skin was infected and raw. His nails were unkempt and curling into the pads of his paws. Whoever had Hippo before didn’t deserve him and he certainly didn’t deserve to suffer through what they put him through. So I offered to take him. I was under no illusions as to his condition. Just looking at his intake photo it was clear that medical intervention would be of no help to him. The kindest thing would be to make sure that he passed easily and peacefully. And if that could be accomplished in a home, where he would be loved, then I was more than willing to do that for him. Of course, I didn’t really know if he would want that. The rescue coordinator, a friend of mine, didn’t know either. He was suffering so much, and had been for so long, that nobody would blame him if he didn’t want to be touched. If he didn’t want to move. If he didn’t want to interact. If that was the case, I wouldn’t force him to get into another car and go to yet another place. But I would’ve stayed there for his passing and hoped that he knew he was loved.

Of course, like all of our dogs, Hippo exceeded all my expectations.

When I met him, he was gently wagging his tail from behind the chain link of his kennel. He happily walked out into the play yard, even though he would bump into things as he went because of the tumors growing over his eyes. When we were out there, he peed on everything like a typical boy (though a lot more than any dog without nearly complete kidney failure would’ve ever been able to muster). He trotted around and sniffed all the smells. He came up to us and asked to be pet. He tried to climb into the shelter vet’s lap. He had a lot of life left in him, but his body was failing him, and there’s nothing worse than watching a dog who wants to continue to live and love and romp be dragged down by their own shut-down body. But I decided that if today really was to be his last, we were going to make it a really, really great one. The best one. Filled with only the best things.

Best thing #1: drive with the windows down. I rarely let any of our dogs stick their heads out the window, due to a perfectly justified fear of them rocketing out of the car at the next sharp turn. But for Hippo, well, how could I say no? Hippo stuck his head out and his little Shar-Pei ears twitched in the most adorable way only really happy little Shar-Pei ears can. After five days in the shelter for a legally-required stray hold (during which nobody came to retrieve him), he basked in the feeling of a warm breeze on his face.

Best thing #2: we stopped at Starbuck for a puppuccino. They gave us an extra puppuccino after hearing his story. He devoured them both with an unparalleled gusto. Picture a pre-teen girl drinking the first pumpkin-spice frapp of the season, and you’d still be failing to grasp the sheer enthusiasm.

Best thing #3: go to the park. It was beautiful weather (thank you, global warming, for giving us such a nice day in October). We found a spot underneath a still-leafed tree, sat down on the grass, and opened a can of tripe. For those who may not know, tripe is one of the strongest-smelling (read: worst-smelling) things on earth, but I have not met a single dog that can resist it. Hippo certainly couldn’t. That entire 13.2oz can was finished in less than a minute, though a fair amount was smeared all over my hands (Hippo was unable to eat on his own due to the painful and disfiguring nature of his facial tumors) and the grass around us. If you ever walk your dog in Wash Park in the next few months and find them inexplicably drawn to a patch of grass in the North side of the park, it’s because the pungent smell of tripe is clinging to the blades with a death grip.

Best thing #4: drink from the lake. This is something I never let our dogs do, as I shudder to think about the havoc the bacteria would wreak on their delicate systems. But for Hippo, long-term consequences weren’t really a consideration. So he got the go-ahead. In five years of this, I have never seen a dog drink as much water in one go as that dog drank. As impressive as it was, it was also sad to know just how damaged his internal system must’ve been for him to be drinking that much and peeing completely unconcentrated urine in equal volume. But we didn’t focus on that. Instead, we focused on not ending up in the lake itself- Hippo was quite perturbed when the water had the gall to lap at his toes and I was not particularly looking to wade any time soon.

Best thing #5: make some friends. At first, I didn’t try to introduce Hippo to any other dogs. I was worried that if they happened to bump into his face, or another sore spot, he might react. But when an over-excited, wiggly, off-leash Golden Retriever rushed over to us, Hippo was so happy. His tail began to wag faster than I had ever seen it. He let his face be sniffed, and sniffed right back. After that, I tried to find other friendly dogs to introduce him to. It was difficult. People who began to make their way over to us with the clear intention of letting their dog visit would quickly turn the other way when they got close enough to see Hippo’s condition. I can’t imagine what they thought- that I was a monster who was abusing my dog, that he was infected with a horribly contagious disease, etc. And I could somewhat understand- after all, it is our job to make sure our dogs are kept safe and away from horrible people and horrible diseases. But it also broke my heart because every time Hippo knew a dog was coming (either by seeing them enter into his limited field of vision or by hearing the clinking of their tags), his little tail would start wagging. And when he heard them leaving, it would stop. Luckily, we met a wonderful woman and her older Golden Retriever. Both her and her dog stopped to say hello to Hippo, and the two of us talked about him while the dogs happily visited. When she heard that it was Hippo’s last day, she went over to him and pet him and told him how glad she was to have met him. If you are reading this, wonderful woman (or her awesome dog, in which case wow- good job learning to read, awesome dog) I want you to know how much it meant to me (and Hippo, of course) that you stopped and said hello.

Best thing #6: cuddle. We sat in the grass for a while, just watching and smelling and hearing all the things going on around us. With his tummy full and his initial exploration done, Hippo and I got to know each other. He was an extremely soulful dog- the type of dog that would approach you gently, quietly, with everything he had. The type of dog that had eerily human eyes. The type of dog who stands right in front of you with his head bowed, just waiting for a kiss or ear scratch. Just for a moment, when he allowed me to rub his ears and under his chin, trusting me entirely despite how close I came to his painful sores, I started to cycle through that unavoidable thought process. ‘Maybe,’ I thought ‘I could take him to CSU’s Teaching Hospital. Maybe they would know of some miracle cure. Maybe I could raise enough money to do all the fancy new procedures that exist in the hopes that one would fix all his ailments and give him the time he deserved.’  But that wouldn’t have been fair. I think oftentimes we become so overcome with love and the feeling that “there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my dog” that we forget dogs live in the moment. They don’t think “well, if I go through this painful, exhausting treatment for a few months I’ll have an extra year”. All they know is that, in that moment, they’re painful and tired. And after three hours in the park, Hippo was both. He began to slow his trot to a stumble. He began to paw at his face, breaking open two of his sores despite my best efforts to prevent it. He became less interested in the things around him.

So we headed home, with his head out the window once more.

Best thing #7: eat a roasted chicken. Dr. Erica Rambus, the veterinarian who generously does all of our in-home euthanasia, brought a chicken for him. We spread a blanket out on the floor of the living room and sat down with him, overcoming our delicate vegan sensitivities to tear off pieces for him to munch on as he drifted off to sleep. I laid down beside him, rubbing his tiny little ears and kissing his wrinkly cheek as he began to snore louder and louder. And then he was gone.

Hippo’s passing was very peaceful, filled with lots of gentle kisses, whispered words of affection, and lots of tears.

He’s home again now, this time in a wooden, flower-engraved urn next to the ashes of my own two hospice dogs Annie and Gremlin (whose ashes are mixed in with his best friend, Soze the old albino rat). He’s right next to the head of my bed, where I wish he could’ve slept- he would’ve been quite the snorer, but after five years of sleeping through the assorted noises old dogs emit during sleep that would’ve been just fine.

With all that I loved him, I can’t help but feel angry. I try to refrain from judging the former families of the dogs we get- after all, you can never really know the circumstances that led to an old dog being a stray. But in Hippo’s case, I don’t think there is an excuse good enough to justify his state. The video I took doesn’t show the magnitude of Hippo’s sores, overcoming his face so much that he could no longer see out of one eye or eat without assistance. How his nose was all but destroyed. How there’s blood on the inside of my rear window where he rested his head. How his folds of skin were raw and infected. How his nails hadn’t been trimmed in ages- if ever. What makes me even angrier is that, through all of that, Hippo was an amazing dog. It is unimaginable to me how someone could let any dog suffer, much less a dog who must’ve still loved them despite their total neglect.

But it doesn’t do to dwell on that anger. What we should dwell on is how loved, spoiled, and happy Hippo was on his last day. He left this world having felt grass under his paws, the wind in his face, and a smorgasbord of goodies filling his tummy. And as much as I wish I could’ve known him for much, much longer, I feel so overwhelmingly lucky that I met him. And I’m so glad that you all have met him to- even if it is after he passed.

His circumstance is one of the worst we’ve seen, but his story one of the best we’ve ever been a part of.

So thank you- so, so much- to all of you who have cried over his video. Who have donated to our cause so we can continue to help dogs like Hippo. Who have shared his story with your friends so they too can see how special old dogs like Hippo are. 

One day, there will be a dog that you too can give a best last day to. And when that happens, remember this: you literally cannot go wrong with a puppuccino in the park.

#hospice dog seniordog olddog bestlastday dogrescue rescue fospice

[welcometothekreepshow]

Their pain is ours

As most of you know, I recently switched shifts from a day to overnight in a 24 hour hospital as an Emergency Veterinarian. I absolutely LOVE this aspect/side of vet med, and I wouldn’t (and don’t) want to do anything else… ever (like every other vet, I am a type-A overachieving work-a-colic). However, there are moments when I am hit with the reality of what my job REALLY is, and I wanted to take a moment and share with everyone my experience, especially in light of the recent media regarding vet med. I walked into work this evening at 5:45pm ready for my overnight shift, and felt like I was walking into a room of chaos. I took a moment just to evaluate my surroundings and see where I could jump in and help. What I realized was: 1) there was nothing for me to do, and 2) the hospital at that moment was the reality of vet med. *I would like everyone now to really try and picture what I am about to describe. For my vet friends, this won’t seem out of the ordinary… in fact, this is probably every day. For those that are not vets, it will give you insight into what YOUR vet REALLY does… it is not all happy healthy puppies and kittens… actually… it is UNCOMMONLY puppies and kittens…* Sitting in the back on one of the treatment tables was a cardboard coffin with a 5 month old puppy in it, waiting to be picked up by it’s owner. This puppy had passed away during a neuter. Come to find out during surgery, that the puppy had several congenital abnormalities that were hidden from pre-op bloodwork and physical exam (every precaution to make sure anesthesia and surgery is as safe as possible), and only discovered during surgery, causing the puppy not to wake up after anesthesia. Any veterinarian will tell you that a neuter is one of the simplest surgeries that we do. We could do it in our sleep. However, unseen complications happen, and there is nothing that anyone could have done to prevent this from happening. This was an unhealthy puppy that was not going to live a long and happy life, it would have gotten very sick and died at a very young age. However, the veterinarian that performed the surgery was devastated. This was the first time this had ever happened to this veterinarian in 5 years of practice�� 5 years and countless surgeries. Put yourself in this vet’s shoes for a moment: You just lost someone’s baby under anesthesia for a surgery that YOU recommended. Colleagues and even your own head tell you - This was not my fault. There was nothing that I, or anyone could have done. This happens to everyone. But your heart only feels pain and guilt and anguish for a life lost and your failure, and an inability to serve the purpose that you were put on this Earth to do: HEAL. Now comes the hard part (I know, like everything else isn’t hard enough!). You now have to get on the phone and call the owner of that puppy and tell them what happened. You get to break the news to mom, dad, and their son (the person the puppy was bought for) that their best friend is gone. You get to tell someone who is excited about playing fetch and running around in the yard, you get to tell them, I am so sorry, but your dog is dead. It puts a knot in your stomach and chest that nothing else can. It makes you sick and hurt to the deepest part of your soul. You hurt for the owners, for the puppy. You hurt because you caused PAIN. In this same moment there is a dog and owner in a room with another doctor. This dog has been unwilling to eat and unable to keep anything down for the past WEEK… and oh yea, the dog ate a cactus a little over a week ago. The poor dog is so sick and painful it won’t let the doctor feel it’s belly. Xrays were taken and revealed three cactus needles stabbing through the dog’s small intestines causing a perforating foreign body. the doctor explained to the owner that the only way to even give the dog a chance to live is emergency surgery and gave an estimate for the $1500 surgery and a 50/50 prognosis. The owner’s response? Anger. Saying things to the veterinarian like: How could she be so cold and insensitive? She only wants money. If she REALLY cared about the dog, she would do the surgery for free. But no, she doesn’t care and is a terrible, cold hearted, unfeeling, horrid person who is MAKING her kill her dog when the dog COULD be saved if she would just stop being such a money grubbing Scrooge. I ask again, put yourself in the vet’s shoes. You have a dog that you know for the past WEEK has sat at home, starving, in pain, with a fever, feeling horrible and puking its guts up as three needles stab through it’s intestines. And what did the owner do? nothing. You know the dog is suffering, but you can potentially help and save it’s life! But what will the owner let you do? nothing. You know that had the owner brought the dog in right after it ate the cactus you could have used the scope and gotten the needles out for about $400. But they waited A WEEK. And according to the owner, this is all your fault. Her dog is going to die because of you. Talk about feeling powerless! You can’t even defend yourself! Your response. “I know this is a difficult situation, and I am so sorry.” But at the end of it all, you are the one that has to inject in the hot pink euthanasia juice knowing you have the skills and abilities to save this dog’s life, and instead, you must end it. The final scenario that was occurring was an older dog that suddenly started limping on one of his legs. The owners thought, oh he must have arthritis, we will take him in and get some meds and he will be fine. The vet had already taken xrays before I got there and saw the bone cancer that was covering this dog’s humerus. Again, put yourself in the doctor’s position. You now have to tell someone that their best friend of 10+ years has cancer. The big C. Their options are either 1) amputate the limb, 2) very short term pain management (days) or 3) euthanize right now. You have to shatter their world and make people cry. You cannot offer any relief aside from euthanasia, which is no relief at all for the family. You get to be the bringer of bad news. All of this occurred at 5:45pm… AFTER an entire day that started at 8am, with even more cases similar to these. This was one 15 minute section of time in a 10 hour long work day. No wonder veterinary medicine suffers from the highest suicide rate and highest addiction rate of any other profession. No wonder all veterinarians at some point suffer from what is called “compassion fatigue”. Unfortunately, the majority of people do not understand this about our profession. I cannot tell you how many times people have said to me, “oh you must LOVE your job! You get to play with puppies and kittens all day! Though, I bet it is hard when you occasionally have to euthanize something.” I just nod, and smile. What they don’t know is that I am thinking - yes, it is very hard. Those THREE patients I euthanized in the past 30 minutes were very hard (which happened on my overnight shift tonight). I appreciate you if you made it this far!! All I am trying to do is help people to realize what the reality of vet med is… and what it is not. We are NOT in it for the money. We recommend tests and vaccines because we had 8 years of schooling that taught us what was best for your pet. We are overworked, emotionally drained, compassion fatigued, under appreciated/respected, and SEVERELY underpaid for what we do (because no amount of money is worth what we go through on a daily basis, *and side note, average salary for a veterinarian is $45,000/year and average student loan debt is over $150,000 :)* ). Yet, we wake up every morning and devote our life to your pets. We love them as if they are our own, we cry over them when they don’t make it, we work long hours and stay late working and reading to learn and try to figure out why your pet is sick. We talk to them like they are people and love them even when they try to bite us. We deliver pain, hurt, bad news, and encounter countless situations that we have no control over throughout our entire day. Our reward is internal… it is knowing that at the end of every day we have done everything that we can to the very best of our abilities for every patient we have touched, even if that means ending their suffering.