#D.vents

[themagnificentmx]

scream . the horrors (homework buildup) because of the curse (procrastination) inflicted upon me by the evils (autsim/adhd combo)

#why do i keep doing this to myself #gotta read a whole book and study for a big bio test #because both are due tuesday #just . augh #D.vents

[darkwavepossum-moved]

I fucking hate being an alter because I wanna be closer with the friends of the host but like,, im scared to, and being a Fictive doesn't help my situation. -D

#D.vents #dont.fuckin.rb

[betaamity]

I'm Like. Slowly Teaching Myself My Username Doesn't Always Have To Dictate What Theme I Have So I Can Keep My Url While Switching To A More Kanaya Based Theme ówò

#well i think im alright #im keeping my talking tags because 'd.vents' was really clever honestly

[themagnificentmx]

.

#i think ive hit my breaking point #3 missing assignments in my ap envirosci class #brings my grade down to a 66 :// #im gonna fucking lose it oh my god #it's fine bc i can turn it in late and hope my teacher takes pity on me #but . oh i want to strangle myself for forgetting to turn it in #i am not a freshman anymore !! fucking christ i need to get my shit together !!! #also . near tears because of precalc again #teacher assigned us homework and i Cannot figure out the last 6 problems #want to bash my head in bc i dont get it #im supposed to be smart istg #oh And i have my debate guide + art history notes that im behind on #ok . first thing i need to turn all my late work in #i do not have energy to care i just . cant have a zero in for my labs #gonna do that when i get to school and pray i dont cry in class #gotta finish my debate guide tn and then attempt some notes in the morning #Fuck why do i keep putting myself in this position #hey if any of yall have read this far into my vent post please send words of encouragement #D.vents

[themagnificentmx]

school is so much right now

#i have a math quiz today that i am fully unprepared for #i Studied but i dont feel ready yk #and i've got three(3) workshop pieces i fully forgot abt #on top of my art history notes that im behind on #And the missing assignments i still need to turn in #feels like im barely keeping my head above water rn :// #sigh . just gotta get my stuff done #D.vents

[themagnificentmx]

do you think . mayb my school needs to chill a little bit

#this is partially my fault bc i procrastinate #but also . #i should not have to do 15+ handwritten(!!!) pages of notes in one night #on top of homework for 5 other classes #i love my art history prof. dearly #but she has no idea how much homework she's giving us #sigh . at least ive only got one more year of high school #D.vents #eh its not really a vent its just me whining #tagging it anyways tho

[themagnificentmx]

sigh . i wish being a better person came naturally to me

#my mom was talking to me abt how im gonna move out soon #and how i dont think abt other people on my own/am instinctively v self-centered #she's not wrong either #like . yes i realize that im naturally kind of a dick and i've been trying to work on it #i really wish it came naturally to me though #just . i have to be super conscious of what seems to come so easily for everyone else ?? #it sucks bc it's def affected how i make/break relationships #i wish i was easier to be around #its not like im not Trying #but everyone around me keeps saying im not doing enough #i literally do not know how to start being a better person #i have been making it up as i go #i promise im trying so hard :/ #i feel like it doesn't get acknowledged #which it shouldnt!! bc it's the bare fucking minimum #but . i want the effort i put in to at least get noticed yk #D.vents #tang rant

[themagnificentmx]

.

#i jut trimmed my nails #bc i cut myself with them for the second time in one day #nicked my face this morning so ive got a welt down the side of my cheek #and now i have one down my neck too #it looks like someone tried to take a knife to me and just barely missed #it's not bleeding thank fuck #but . it still Hurts #tw injury #D.vents

[themagnificentmx]

hm . just realized i havent had a hug today

#my dad is on a work trip and my mom has been too busy #+ lacrosse season starting means my brother is barely home when i am #idk why but that just really hit me #like. damn #nobodys bothered to hug me today :/ #D.vents

[themagnificentmx]

im so tired y’all

#i slept for 9 hours #but had back to back nightmares so it Feels like i got no sleep #have a project 2 tests and 3 assignments to finish #so low on spoons ive got speech loss and it’s not even 8am #i am Tired i just wanna go back to bed #fuck it im taking my stuffie to school today and anyone who says anything can bite me #D.vents

[themagnificentmx]

going to throw shade @ some criticism i got on my poetry

#if everything needs to have a definitive morality assigned to it for you to enjoy what you're reading #then i don't think you've read enough #like ?? yes some of my poems are about me gruesomely murdering my love ? #yes i am going to write about the twisted fucked up bits of having gone through trauma ? #that doesn't make me a bad person or someone who doesnt deserve healing #it just makes me A Person #just because i write about murder and cannibalism does not mean i am a cannibal or a murderer #writers =/= their content #anyways . if you cant tell ive been reading through some comments i got #tw cannibalism mention #tw murder mention #D.vents

[themagnificentmx]

ed hell back at it again

#D.vents #tw ed vent #tw ed mention #tis the season for my eating disorder to ruin my life again <3 #almost passed out during a workout bc ive dropped my calorie intake super hard #which . i Know it’s bad but i also can’t eat without overthinking it <33 #start of school year + running season means my ED is also coming back #trying to keep my recovery mindset but its . very hard #if you’ve read this far into my tags plz send me a picture of your favorite flower

[themagnificentmx]

it is 5:41 am. i hate it here

#had a stress dream about forgetting to turn in all of the homework thats due when i get back to school #so guess who's awake and shaky ? #this bitch <3 #im gonna finish my book report since im up tho #and then work on my research project for art history #no way am i getting more sleep #ugh and ive gotta start doing my hair by 7 #oh well at least im being productive #D.vents

[themagnificentmx]

fuck this shit 

#fuck having a uterus #fuck the menstrual cycle #fuck consistent periods #ask much as recovering from my ed has helped me #i hate that im getting my periods back #i want to cry and stab my stomach with a blunt knife #tw periods #tw knife mention #D.vents #scheduling this post so that by the time it is released to the world i have calmed down a bit

[themagnificentmx]

.

#i hate schoolwork so much #i forgot about my physics lab #and my teacher is taking 30 points off for late work #so ill get a 70 At Best #and this is on top of trying to catch up on with my other classes #And doing service hours for envirosci #im getting no sleep this week huh #bc my lab will drop my physics grade 2 points and the only way i can Begin to recover that is with my test and my final #i was aiming for an A in this class but that's uh. not happening now #im so frustrated with myself :// #D.vents #edit: talked my way into an extension on my lab

[themagnificentmx]

the sun isnt even up and ive experienced all of my emotions

#im dysphoric too #tired+kinda hungry+guilty+dreading work+dreading practice+nauseous #+need to stim + don’t wanna move + ignoring a flare up #just . AAAAAAAAAAAAAA #D.vents