#BUT IM TIRED AND DONT WANNA BOTHER ANYONE

[madame-mongoose]

lately the only four emotions i have are extremely happy, extremely sad, paranoid, and empty. its so exhausting it sucks

#and im trying not to burden anyone with my issues #its just so much to deal with every day #like rn i just feel so hollow #i really wanna talk to my friends to maybe hopefully elevate my mood #but i dont wanna bother anyone #plus anyway only one ever seems to want to talk to me #ugh idk #its so hard to determine whats real and what my head is making up to mess with me #i cant tell anymore. im so tired #im so so tired #sighs #monnie rambles

[silenthillbunni]

being in pain is so isolating nd alienating lol >.<

#bc the thing is nobody cares abt your pain. like that's simply human psychology #so even if that's how the human mind is built nd it's understandable. it still sucks to receive so little sympathy nd understanding #like i mean ppl get sick nd tired of u when u talk abt the pain nd just want u to stop complaining nd be positive #nd they're rlly unsympathetic nd just want u to shut up nd do the things you're supposed to do without whining #so yes idk having to shut up abt it makes me feel like im stuck all alone inside this miserable bubble #either way im getting better nd better at not talking abt it!!!!! even on here i dont say like 80% of what i wanna vent abt sksksks #ppl always treat me as if im exaggarating or just anxious nd worried nd that i need to relax nd that everythings fine #so i've gotten way better at keeping it inside nd not bothering anyone w it!!! thats good #i mean it hurts nd makes me feel isolated buuut it's better than being a burden nd a bother nd making ppl roll their eyes nd sigh at me #but it's also so hard for me to seek medical attention for anything bc i feel like im just being dramatic nd annoying #idk... anyway so many things i wanna complain abt rn pain wise but im doing so good at shutting up abt them i need a gold star ⭐️ #hand in hand w this im getting better at just shutting up nd doing what ppl want me to do nd think im supposed to do even if im in pain

[pl4n]

#my art #ive been so jsvgjsnsndjbdjks #just a big ol jumble of kahsjdbskdhi #and i wanna draw more but im so uninspired aahhaah #i kinda wanna do some studies or smth but ahhhh idk i also just wanna lie in bed when i can #i so tire #but being lazy and bored is also so exhausting haha it feeds itself #so yeah itd be good to try to push myself a bit in my free time to do smth kinda fun chill engaging #its crazy bc theres so much that i could be doing but i have such a hard time being self motivated... #so outside motivation like work or friends is the only reason i do literally anything #which sucks bc i have a lot of things id like to be able to do on my own but yeah. idk why its so hard to do things for myself #that being said if anyone sees this and wants to do lil drawing challenges or trades or smth together that might be niceee #im sort of painfully shy online haha tho im not so much irl #i think the thing abt it for me is the feeling of creating these lil digital footprints #like if i send a message or make a post its just preserved like that... forever.. actually i recently looked at emails from my childhood #and its really cool to see a slice of the past like that but still. idk why it bothers me tbh. i just never got used to it #memories fade and warp over time right? so it really feels like existing in the world and talking to people is just a passing moment #it doesnt really feel that way w the internet. as small and insignificant these small imprints might be #and im really just being neurotic but yeah. maybe i dont like the feeling of taking up space and slowly widening it with every little step #yea thats neurotic fr LOLL #anyways im really rambling away in these tags haha but if ima post this art anyway its such a good excuse to ramble into a void :D #and a good way to practice existing on the internet. im sure ill get used to it

[randomwords247]

Optifine and reddit rant

I love using Optifine. I use it a LOT. And I mean a LOT

But since starting recording and using youtube, I also have a handful of mods I wanna use to make recordings better. Namely replaymod (the big one), boosted brightness (can be handy) and sometimes litematica (building)

1.19.3 I was able to use Optifabric to get Optifine working alongside the few mods I used, and it was great! Love being able to get the best of both worlds!

Come the next optifabric update, optifabric is now incompatible with replaymod. As it wasfor the next update. And 1.20. And 1.20.1. And so on. The mod I use the most is incompatible

So I start scouring the internet. Looking to see if anyone has a solution, has figured out a way to fix the incompatibility

And all I see??? Is reddit threads where people's only response is

"Optifine sucks lol stop using it and use sodium"

No help anywhere. Just the same "optifine is ass" "if you're still using optifine in 2023 you need to get with the times" "just use sodium *link to optifine alternatives*"

Now I have a number of problems with this attitude

The people making these original reddit posts are asking for help with optifine. They wanna use Optifine. They do not want to be told to use A DIFFERENT MOD. If I'm asking how I can get apples, I don't want you telling me to just get oranges, okay????

To get the same functionality that you have in Optifine. YOU HAVE SO INSTALL SO MANY GOSH DARN FREAKING MODS!!! Like seriously at least like 15 to get the same functionality you'd get from installing ONE thing

In the same vein of the mod thing, people's attitudes about it SUCKS because they act like this is an easy solution and "just get alternative mods lol". Hey hey you wanna know something fun? If I want to update Optifine to 1.20.2 from 1.20.1, I have to install one thing. It's great! If I want to update sodium with optifine alternatives? I HAVE TO REINSTALL LIKE 15 DIFFERENT MODS. PER UPDATE.

Now, I know what you're gonna say, "Random it's only once per update its not that much of a hassle" it really is??? Like it's irrtating for one, and for two if I wanna use MULTIPLE instances of minecraft? Oh gosh forbid I wanna do that and I have to juggle 3 sets of the 15 mods around in my mod folder

I literally have like 4 seperate "Unused mods" folders in my unused mod folder, and even with this seperation its STILL really confusing to move mods in and out and is a freaking hassle and a halve

Of course I'd still have to move things out with using optifabric, but I'll take having to move 2 files (Optifine and optifabric) in and out over FIFTEEN

Its literally EVERY comment I see on these threads is "Just don't use optifine lol" like as if its the easy win win solution that is less hassle or some crap. And it isn't!!!

Not to mention, I don't WANT to use sodium! I don't care if its "better", I don't like the interface, I hate having like 15 mods in my mod folder, and I LIKE OPTIFINE. Call me freaking old fashioned if you want I don't care, the freaking attitude of "just dont" is so infuriated when I'm tryna research if ANYONE has a solution

If you see one of those posts and wanna comment "just dont use optifine" seriously do not. It helps nobody. And your alternative frankly sucks butt and is way more inconvinient. If you don't have an actual solution to the problem people are having, DONT COMMENT your "solutions"

#rant #randy rambles #randy rants #im so like fed up of reddit dude #i rarely go on reddit and man everytime i try and see if anyone has figured out a solution??? #i become more and more glad i never use reddit #i literally only use it as a last ditch effort #idk why the optifabric mod creator stopped bothering to make it compatible with replaymod but its really irritating #i wish i knew how to code so i could freaking do something about it but i dont :| #im so tired of pretending that having to have 15 alternative mods is a good solution and a great thing to tell someone. i dont want your #oranges!!! i wanna find out how to get my apples!!! go away! #urghhhhh #one of the things that makes me upset regarding content creation is i have to use these alternative if i wanna use mods thatll make video #creation easier/better. i love making videos nad replaymod is epic #but man the fact its now incompatible is actually really infuriating and i miss optifine man #ramble post #delete later #optifine #optifabric #sodium #anyway ill delete this later im just tired #debating whether or not to turn off reblogs. hm #ill leave them on for now but you guys better behave or theyre going off >.> #by “you guys” i mean “strangers who happen upon this” rather than ppl following me #i trust my followers but i dont trust the rest of tumblr ya know? #anyway im gonna go back to drawing

[fabulouslygaybean]

i hate the come-down period after doing literally anything fun at all at any point in time. i went to a movie theater on friday and then to a convention on the following weekend, which was incredibly fun! i loved it! but there's always a come-down period, where everything feels awful because i know im going to be stuck in my house again, rotting away like always, unable to do anything outside of these walls for who knows how long. its hard to keep doing things i enjoy if i know that im just going to feel awful afterwards.

#i wanna be able to do things #but my sister is too picky and my mom is too tired and my friend needs to be involved in everything we do so we just. never do anything. #i do so much stuff alone because nobody wants to go or i dont trust anyone to actually follow through #my bike is out of order though and my mom seems to hate the idea of me using the bus system that i literally get to use for free #now. why can't i just do things inside my own home? it doesn't fuckin work out #the only place im really welcome in my own home is my bedroom. the bottom floor is for my friend and the rest of the family. #i dont have space to do much art up here and there isn't enough space for my other hobbies and i can't make too much noise because it'll - #- bother everyone and i cant call friends because everyone will listen in on my conversations and i don't have enough space to bring my - #- laptop and all its additions up to my desk #i have friends but i feel so isolated from them all. i feel like im going to completely fuck things up by trying to talk to any of them. #i always feel better when i can get out and do stuff but im rarely able to get out and do stuff and even then i feel bad once the stuff ends #so im trapped i guess. its a cycle that will never end. ill do something i love to cheer myself up only to feel even worse afterwards than - #- i did before.

[bluemoongoth]

#i lonly nobody care me #torn between pls talk me i lonly and dont talk to me if its just bc u saw this post #need the committment of someone talking to me just bc they wanna #tired of always having to be the one to text first and try to keep the conversation going no matter who i talk with #like... cman #one of these days im just gonna delete all my social media and whatever medium ppl are able to reach out to me #because its very depressing #if anyone gets this far into the tags and has been noticing me drifting away in the past weeks/months mayhaps even years👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻 #this is why #ive just given up at this point lol #it takes up too much energy and i just end up feeling like a piece of shit because it makes me feel unworthy of anything #if no one bothers to care why do i have to keep reaching out? fuck it #my.post #my.personal

[hiimera]

Not to be dramatic or anything but I think reaching out to people could fix me

#guess who's been alone with their thoughts too long today #im just #Man im tired of being alone all day #not blaming anyone ocf #its just timezones #but like if i wanna stop being alone #maybe i should just man up and actually Talk #cause i know my presence cant be This annoying #but i also just dont wanna bother anyone u kno #i just wish i had better ways to Not think #but all the games i own rn are i the 'grind' stage #and thats too repetitive #so it makes me think #and dude holy shit there's Nothing to watch #and my room is too fuckikg cold to draw #cant crisler get here already i need pokemon to forget the ouch

[femme-malewife]

😶‍🌫️hm.

#im trying so hard to distract myself #im blasting music in my ears to the point i might end up with tinnitus one day #im replaying some of my favorite songs #im playing my comfort songs #but im ngl im still a bit nervous #the urge to just grab my pocket knife and just. slit my wrist open where a major artery is or smthin or down a bunch of pills is SO strong #im tired of living. im tired of suffering everyday and being too scared to message anyone abt it bc i hate bothering people #not to mention when i finally DO have the guts to msg someone theyre already going through sht and i dont wanna put more on them #its not the first and it wont be the last time that i have the urge to just fuckign kill myself but. #i genuinely just dont see the point in me living. #people on here only see the brighter sides of me bc i only post the best of my days usually #but ive been in an abusive relationship. i have religious trauma. i have trauma from when i was a child that gave me ptsd. #i have serious depression. and i cant even take anti depressants because im on seizure meds. #life has always been nothing but shit and im sick of trying to be positive for everyone only to be called all sorts of names and abandoned #idk. maybe dying really wont be so bad. maybe it wont be painful. i dont know. i really dont. #im typing everything here bc i dont want to post this openly and ik 99.9% of people dont read my tags anyway so its...a nice way of venting #i think.

[lildoodlecat]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to and publish them. then, send this ask to some of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨ (Hi Jay!!! It's been a while :3. I'm 16 now and on a quest to play the Xillia(s)~ As you can see, a certain soft medical school boi has quickly worked his way into my heart. I love Jude so much holy HECK he truly is just a lil guy 🥺)

5 songs ohboy.. in no specific order rn i'm gonna go with:

一花一劍 (One Flower, One Sword) by Li Xingyi — which is the,, sub theme song?? for the tgcf donghua slkdfjkld i continue to have many emotions over it AND the official video for it bc ue

白夜 ～True Light～by Shunishi Miyamoto — DN Angel opening! I actually watched the anime when I was a kid bc of this song lskdfjsk

忘羨 (WangXian) from the MDZS Audio Drama — this one is probably self-explanatory.. I think abt my silly little gays very frequently

Ball of Yarn by Cranbersher — one of my favorite lil instrumentals from this guy, made for bg music when he made a stop-motion puppet of Yarny from Unravel (gently pushes his channel toward you he makes so much cool stop-motion and Cranbersher's Guide to Stop-Motion is both interesting and may or may not become a plot-driven narrative with a highly-anticipated finale financed on kickstarter (of which i am a backer slkfdjldfj) to be released tentatively sometime next year :3)

Light Your Sword from Sword Art Online — sao unfortunately has a banger soundtrack and imma be real there's so many medleys reprises and remixes so i have no idea what the original version might be?? for this one bc Luminous Sword sounds similar (obviously) and I'm 90% there's a few more that have the same kinda thing going on so

ohh that took me a hot minute lskfjlsk anyway

(HI PAVV happy birthday!!! i thought it was this month but i wasn’t sure.. also i consistently forget you and my sister are the same age like she is maybe a week older than you?? wild how that happens. And yes!!! I've seen you creeping into Xillia on my dash :D!! Jude truly is just a lil guy I'm glad you like him <3)

#jay talks back #im not gonna send the ask to anyone else bc.. tired and dont wanna bother but this was fun tyy

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#diary #drugs tw #personal #high #ill be fucking damned if you catch me not binging drugs this whole fucking week #lmao. im not joking. i plan to be high 24 fucking seven #im sorry if anyone wants to talk to me but like. im not up to it lmao #haaah. i ate some edibles (theyrw just a had candy tho) to like. quiet my mind down a little. and im glad i did. #i wouldve prefered to take a smaller dose (i only have 10 mg rn ;-;) but whatever. i just feel its a waste as im going to bed so lol #haah. im so tired. too much has happened lately and im just done. #disordered eating #eating disorder #i like. weighed myself again today and i gained a couple pounds :/ like. thats not the worst i guess but id rather not? yknow #suicidal ideation #self harm #idk i just wanna die latley. and if i dont i just dont wanna bother. its too much effort. what am i supposed to do with my time? #idk i just dont know what to do with myself bc im busy which in turn makes me give up on life lol. #...ive also been planning on self harming for a while now. i think i may still. #i do try to never self harm while intoxicated. but i was planning on doing that anyways today lol #yknow... i wish i had something stronger. like. i just wanna dissapear into oblivion. i just want nothing more than to give up #and i kinda think i am? slowly but surely. im just sorta letting go of things. #i feel like im just. sorta losing myself a bit. like. it feels like im just watching everything happen to me. #i forgot how it feels being around others. like. theres everyone else. and then theres me. #i hate it. ive always hated this window i have to watch others. but they all just. look at me strangely. #at least thats what it feels like. people gawking at a cadged animal... #im exhausted. i sorta wanna chat with a friend. but im also super tired and high and a mess and whatnot. #...oh well. theres not much to be done. i may as well just text bc im lonely.

[skeletorishot]

sorry folks ONE MORE TIME

#vent #im just so tired of everything #im so tired #i want a break #i need a break #i need to die for like #a year #that would fix me #(ssorry again i just dont wanna bother anyone directly bc tgen they have to deal with me but here u can just ignore it)

[theplaneswalk]

Not doing well!!!

#currently on day 2 of a breakdown #but i dont wanna bother anyone directly #it really sucks being an extrovert and having a schedule that isolates me from all my friends #double that with my depression and anxiety #im so tired of crying

[eldenringle]

i guess the question is just what do i do now

#other than the obvious thing which wouldn’t be fair to my mom #whos the only person in the world that actually likes me i think #when did i go wrong #was it the “power” and responsibility #was it letting the word actually creep into my already horrendously annoying vocabulary?? #all questions i shout into the void until my therapy session tomorrow #where i spend the whole time debating whether or not to tell my psych how badly i wanna walk into the ocean and never walk out #im just tired #why do i bother suffering so much if i cant make myself into a person anyone even wants around #its to bad i dont have deadly anaphylaxis reactions to anything #it'd make shit a lot easier #i guess i should finally play disco elysium #but the problem with that is I'll wanna talk to people about it afterwards #and im not cut out to talk to people #i really shouldnt do it #i thought I'd figured it oit but turns out i didnt

[pika-blur]

i want something metaphysical but i also dont want a criminal record rip

#this is goin bye bye in the morning so if you see this no you didnt #i dunno been freakin out a lot lately and i wanna say stuff but i dont want anyone who knows me irl to know so #this is the best i got cause getting a therapist is terrifying and expensive #just been realizing lately that i have a lot more issues than i thought i did #i need to learn to talk to people goddamn this is gettin to be a lot #i wont pull anything drastic im just very tired and need to vent #i hate [REDACTED] so fucking much literally freaked out in public and had to keep it in cause there were 2 6(?) year olds- #right next to me and i didnt want them to see that #i dont know if it was an anxiety attack or a panic attack but its been building up for a while and its just a lot #i wish i wasnt so scared to talk to my friends but i know i dont bother them but it really feels like i do #and venting to them doesnt feel right cause i know they have their own shit to deal with and i havent even been doing much for years so it- #just doesnt feel justified? ive been sitting here on my ass only doing the occasional drawing and breakdown for 3 years and its depressing- #cause i do wanna do shit but everything takes so much energy #actually shaking while im writing this fuckin hate this man

[talbotgrimes]

-

#im so sick of this #i want you back #i want my friend back #i want you so bad #did you ever mean anytting #were you ever even real #im so tired of feeling so alone #you never even gave a fuck in the first place #i meant nothinf to you just like i mean nothing to anyone #but you were so good at lying #i would rather be lied to every day than accept the truth of being unloved #no one will ever care. no one will ever mean anything. no one will ever want me #i miss your lies and i miss your imaginary presence #i wanna go back to when i could pretend you wrr still here #when i just imagined your name was real and told stories about a person who never existed #i wish i was still ignorant and stupid like that #i wish i wasnt here anymore i wish anyone else would love me ANYONE BUT FUCKING YOU #they WONT they never WILL #i have nothing left #i dont know why i bother anymore #brooklyn alphabet

[35gofbeansprouts]

💭.

#i m so tired of being fat. lmao #like yea its '''my fault'' and whatever but #its so hard to just do anything about it #i hate that Exercise has to be its own thing instead of just already being part of something else i do #had to buy clothes for work today u see #and they fit but they looked awful. gross even #my mum was putting me on diets before i was 10 and now being fat feels like the worst thing ever #i feel like. worthless. feel like im disturbing ppl by leaving my house #like im sorry u have to perceive me i hate it too #and im constantly trying to have an Excuse ready #i feel loke im not allowed to be fat and if anyone mentions it i wanna have a Valid Reason #cant fucking sleep like. ugh i should be exercising instead !! or whatever #i feel so ugly and TRAPPED in my own body #i cant escape The Excess i cant take it off when its unbearable i cant hide it i cant ignore it #i dont even bother looking in the mirror anymore lmao #i already i know how i look no need to remind me thanks ! #when i look in the mirror it gets rlly hard to make myself go out anymore #i see myself and its always worse than i expected and i just think Oh