#BECAUSE I ALWAYS WON

[turtleblogatlast]

Fun little silly thought I had about the Lair Games and specifically Leo deliberately losing is all the reasons he could have for doing so.

My favorite headcanon for his main motivation is that Splinter wasn’t proud of him anymore.

I imagine that, in the beginning, winning the Lair Games was Leo’s opportunity to shine. He wasn’t artistic or the baby of the family like Mikey, wasn’t a tech genius who created amazing inventions like Donnie, wasn’t the eldest who was insanely strong and dependable like Raph. So he had to shine somewhere else- anywhere else- and what better way to get attention than to be a winner? A champion?

And then he won too much. And it wasn’t special anymore. He got too big headed, too cocky, he knew this was his element and he ran with it.

Splinter’s words of congratulations slowly petered out. Suddenly, there was no real reason to win.

Winning feels empty when the only one cheering you on is yourself.

So- Leo schemed. And he’s a great schemer, fooling his whole family (and Donnie did deserve a win- people were way happier when he won.)

He even gave up his prized possession! His room!

Though he knows his brothers probably think it’s a bad prize. A terrible one, even.

Leo doesn’t sleep much as is, though. So Dad’s snores were more comforting than anything. It was reassuring to hear him so clearly alive and close by.

Even if the distance between them was larger than Leo’d like.

He’d just have to find something else, something more to show his dad that Leo was someone to trust, to be proud of, to love.

He gets his chance soon after, when he needs to pull off a plan against Big Mama at his dad’s side. Leo can only hope this victory is one that has a lasting effect when his father looks at him with pride once more.

Victory, for Leo, is a pretty loaded term.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #everything Leos do almost always ties back to Splinter send tweet #anyway imo if I was Leo winning every lair game I would be bored as hell #and add on to my own dad joining in with my brothers on being disappointed when I do well? #yeeaaah id be my own biggest fan too #tbh Leo’s big brain plays both in Lair Games and Many Unhappy Returns are his real victories #I will say I was proud of Donnie for doing so well! #he deserves a win definitely #but looking at this from Leo’s perspective and realizing this is JUST before the ‘why don’t any of you trust me’ line hurts #wanna make this hurt more? #how about Leo purposefully wanting to lose…but he was a bit miffed that DONNIE out of anyone won #why? #because Leo makes jokes all the time but Splinter says DONNIE is the funny one #because althroughout Many Unhappy Returns Splinter says how he’d prefer if DONNIE were there instead of Leo #makes me wonder y’know? if there’s any scratchy feelings there #nothing that Leo has against Donnie so much as the assumption that Splinter would prefer him over Leo #which if I was Leo…I’d definitely think so even if Splinter absolutely loves his sons equally #just as Donnie probably assumes the opposite as well #splinter bro plz talk to your sons #but yeah victory for Leo imo is equivalent to acknowledgement #just *seeing* him #so he very easily gets wrapped up in the obsession for being the champion #*lou jitsu* always wins and Splinter wants them more like Lou Jitsu so LEO has to always win or… #or…

[kidovna]

hozier having released unreal unearth right after good omens season 2 came out and now releasing the four track EP on will byers’ birthday. this one’s for the gay yearners

#that 30 second clip of his new song… i’ve looped that over fifty times #i need it NOW #march 22nd is gonna be insane for me #emotions high all around #hozier #unreal unearth should’ve been nominated for and won the best album of 2023 grammy btw #not that the grammys matter because they always suck ass #but he should’ve gotten a grammy for that album. #i could write essays about this album #i need first light injected into my veins

[volatilemask]

if gabe doesnt wanna marry it then MOVE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#id in alt #ultrakill #v1 #mysterious druid knight #(and owl) #v1mdk #vm's art #breaking my post order for this lol hi #gabv1el divorce is canon to me so this is fine actually #im only upset because our efforts failed. we tried. sad #and also because gabriel won. i think he shouldve lost. again. for the 2nd time. wouldve been a lot funnier if he got 2nd place twice #my heart will always lie with hashtag minos sweep anyways

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

#did you want her to...not end up with the doctor? #she ended up with the doctor. she ended up with the doctor and they get to AGE together #they get to have a real honest relationship the way they both always genuinely wanted #it's hard that the full time lord version has to carry on without her but that is the way that character's story ALWAYS goes #the doctor does not get to keep ANYONE. it would be a different show if he did #meanwhile there is a version of that same face of his - the one that was MADE for love? particularly born out of love for ROSE? the one 1/2 #2/2 that always wanted a FAMILY? and stability? and a normal life? the tenth doctor longed for that specifically because of rose #now he gets to have it AND be part-human so he doesn't have to watch her get old. he gets old WITH HER #and they're canonically growing their own Tardis so you don't even have to be sad that they're not adventuring in time and space as usual #because they ARE. it's the kindest ending for either character. and if the full time lord hadn't left without either of them- #-he would have had to lose them eventually. lose Rose because she's human? hello? painful? but instead he was selfless and left her- #-with a proper happy ending. which she CHOSE to have so you can't be like “he tricked her!” she chose to kiss one of them and it was Tentoo #they are the same man. Rose won in this scenario. #and I GET IT I am with Billie Piper I think it will always feel a little off that she was left with Tentoo and not the full time lord #I understand. it still makes me a little sad. but I know it's a good ending writing-wise. really the ONLY ending. #yes I know about the popular idea of Immortal!Rose or Bad Wolf Rose or whatever and that's cute and all BUT - it's not a GOOD thing #it's not PREFERABLE to be immortal. Rose doesn't want to live forever. she wants to be with the man she LOVES forever. #she doesn't want to not die or adventure for all time. she wants to be there to hold his hand. and when Tentoo is born she gets THAT! #Immortal!Rose is tragic. the Doctor would not wish the burden of immortality on the woman he loves HELLO #anyway #I ship timepetals. that includes Tentoo/Rose. because he is the doctor #so there #I have more thoughts on Tentoo specifically but I digress #maybe if provoked in an Ask or something idk #doctorrose #timepetals #opinion piece #tenrose #tentoo #handy

[emeraldcodex]

Fight until there are no opponents left.

#getter robo #fan art #getter emperor #do you ever think about. chapter one of getter #of the things ryoma says when storming that tournament #the philosophy that he espouses #that you haven't won until you've defeated EVERY enemy #and that you have to keep getting stronger no matter what because there will always be more enemies #and there's the chill that goes through you when you see the through-line #between that sentiment #and getter emperor #because i do #and then i overthink getter in the tags of my art blog

[theminecraftbee]

fic idea to gently put down: tango’s been having weird dreams recently. he’d say they’re stress-induced (decked out 2.0 is a project and a half and he’s, uh, definitely over the whole moon thing yeah totally), but he’s not sure how stress would make him start dreaming of a strange dark place where he talks to some cowboy who calls himself “the sheriff”. the sheriff lives in some strange world with several empires where he lays down the law, and he claims to be the one that’s dreaming.

the fact they make friends despite their strange dreams is surprising, but there’s not many people out there who also share the experience of “keeps on getting minor injuries without any memory of where they came from”. and... oddly, tango finds the sheriff kind of familiar. he’s not sure how though. he hasn’t left hermitcraft for a while, you know?

...kind of odd, isn’t it?

#double life smp #the secret of this idea is that 'as punishment for losing the soulbond is left in place but they aren't left the means to remember eachother #'however this punishment backfires because the soulbond trying to keep itself established gives them a way to communicate' #'and tango and jimmy make friends all over again and start trying to solve the mystery of their cross-universe bond' #meanwhile i think whoever won double life ALSO gets to keep the soulbond but also remember each other and everything. you know. a 'prize' #so whoever they are probably figures out what's going on but. AND THIS IS KEY: tango and jimmy don't know this #anyway idk if i have time to write this so as always putting this down so other people who wanna can write this idea

[dennisboobs]

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

↳ Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games // The Gang Goes Bowling

#iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #dennis reynolds #sunny sweet 16 #LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME DENNIS. HE WAS NEVER EMOTIONLESS. #YOU JUST HAVE TO WATCH HIM. #the ONLY reason he didnt react during chardee macdennis is because their win was riding on it #the sunny wiki for so long saying this was proof of him being emotionless or somehow Immune To Pain #when he is LITERALLY WINCING AND SAYING OW AFTER THE FACT #it's the exact same thing as what mac and charlie were talking about with dee during emotional battery #she can get through that and then cry once theyve won. dennis can take a dart to the hand and be visibly in pain afterwards #and also i imagine breaking every bone in his hand is probably more painful than a dart jdsfkjsv #ada speaks #ada's gifs #I DIDNT WANT TO REBLOG SUNNYKEYSMASH'S POST IN CASE IT CAME OFF AS INFLAMMATORY BUT IM HAVING FEELINGS ABOUT THIS COMPARISON SO UH SHOUTOUT #EDIT: CONTEXT WAS NOT THAT SUNNYKEYSMASH CLAIMED HE WAS EMOTIONLESS I JUST WAS INSPIRED AFTER SEEING A POST #i was mad at dudebros using the dart scene as evidence for him being a sociopath and it just reminded me jshvfkjsd

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN #honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog #where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags #kyle dubas #toronto maple leafs #& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe #& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit. #this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!! #my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor #the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi #that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like #ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds #how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid #the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines #i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer #brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc #bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always #know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works #no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried. #i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs #i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick) #& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen #narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel #about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO #did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle) #OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner #if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf #simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2 #one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry #liv in the replies

[shannonsketches]

he's so important to me

#i guess i need to watch the anime but super's manga has just been a self-indulgent fever dream for me from start to finish #100000/10 absolutely perfect so validating so extremely catered to my tastes and headcanons and analyses and humor #so fucking funny and emotional and intense and goofy and beautifully drawn #my beautiful son getting to finally fucking see his HARD won character growth fucking shine and choose love and choose to be loved!!!!!! #Goku just being Goku Vegeta being Team Dad Piccolo being Team Grandpa Bulma being a fucking superstar keeping everybody organized and fed #god i love this squad i love this series i love these dumbasses and their struggles and their triumphs and their stupid childish bonding #I love that Toriyama just spent the last several years reminding the class that DB as a whole has always been an ACTION-COMEDY about LOVE #and I'm SO sad that the z anime really never did it justice in that sense because of having to fill time with dramatic tension but god. GOD #THE MANGA HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO CLEAR ON THAT THESIS. #Just all about Restorative Justice and Community and CARING even when you wish SO MUCH that you didn't care but yoU DO GODDAMMIT!!! #SUCH a great series I'm so sad it took losing mr t for me to finally read it but my god I needed to read it now and I'm so glad he wrote it #and i'm SO glad he wrote it Exactly Like This #once again rip to a legend i'm caught up and crying it's so perfect it's SO everything I've wanted to see onscreen and embedded in canon #and canon isn't everything but it still feels gREAT to be SO 1:1 on the same page with an author re: how you interpret your blorbo yknow??? #been rotating this man in my head for 25 years and Mr Toriyama just mWAH kissed me on the forehead about it #anyway enough tag rambles I'm off again aklsjla #bonus for that kenpachi shit and letting him say 'sorry dude I can't be cold and numb anymore but this is still cathartic as fuck lol' like #mr t i hope you see the HIGHEST tier of heaven for that (and obviously for like everything all of it the whole life you led)

[aquanutart]

When she was a little Kiko, Lulu loved to put on ribbons and appear before the world to show her precious Slorg! Sadly her owner was such a recluse that nobody noticed much, and over the years she forgot performing for others...

Until recently she found all the ribbons she saved over the years and wanted to have fun again!

(She didn't know which ribbon to wear, so she is wearing them all!)

(Lulu won a trophy!!! She is absolutely delighted and is using it to store her ribbons!)

#neopets #neoart #kiko #slorg #lulu #aquanutart #sorry to repost this! i really wanted to tell the story but i was kind of nervous to mention the bc (this is NOT in any current contest!) #so this is a little picture i made last year now that she is pink! #when i was 11-ish i used to enter her in the beauty contest with tiny pixel scribbles #in some of them she was pink and wearing a hairbow (although there were no wearables back then) #the filesize limit back then was something like 19kb so i shrank them down to like 150x150px #(i didn't know any other way to reduce the filesize) i was too young to use the boards and didn't do any advertising at all #i would check back excitedly every week and be disappointed to not get a trophy but then make a very similar scribble and enter again #finally one time she won a third place trophy because i think only three kikos were entered that week #i felt complete after that #it was always her dream to be pink and show people her slorg #so last year after all this time i entered again because i realized it gives me motivation to draw my own pets #that i otherwise don't really draw and i felt kind of sad people don't really know them #i don't like competition so i decided i was just going to treat it as a chill social event and not bother trying to win #just treat it as the way of posting or sharing content on the site itself #it was fun and social! as someone who's pretty reclusive it was fun feeling like i was getting to know other pets #everyone was super nice and the supportive community feeling between artists was really fun! love getting excited about each other's work!! #since then i've entered a few more times and i have mixed feelings about it because i get absolutely exhausted from it #because unfortunately the competition aspect does take hold of me even when i don't want it to rofl. i feel like i have to try my hardest #if it were just an art competition i probably wouldn't enter but because it's mostly a social competition i spend hours on the chat #it's a massive burst of socialization for a week and then afterwards i disappear and don't reply to messages for. months rofl #it's fun to do once in a while but i can't handle it too often. but i am happy to end up with more pictures of my pets #she has a few trophies now and can put a ribbon in each one!

[singsweetmelodies]

yes, i haven't been online for like a week (2 weeks?! idfk) but also yes, i really am coming back online exclusively to hate on carlos sainz. because, man, FUCK THAT BITCH, this is a charles blog before everyone else <3

#👏 FUCK 👏 CARLOS 👏 SAINZ 👏 #how the fuck does he get this lucky I DON'T GET ITTTTT #how is it that the ONE TIME charles isn't on the front row in like TEN RACES... this ONE TIME; max's car dies? #i am so FUCKING MAD... especially because the carlos girlies will be all over this again. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK #anti carlos sainz #ALWAYS anti carlos sainz #may charles absolutely DESTROY him in the next many many races #FUCK #can it be 2025 alreadyyyy #at least if lewis won i could still be happy about it instead of hopping mad #god i can't wait to have that egotistical CLOWN out of ferrari!!!!!!!!!

[incorrectplanet]

[meeting up years after boys planet]

haruto: so what have you been up to recently?

woonggi: leading a revolution with seo won.

haruto: good for you two! me, i've joined the yakuza.

woonggi: *nods* oh, how cool! that’s awesome!

haruto: i know! anyway, have you heard from the others? zihao?

woonggi: happily living as a hermit in the woods. ollie?

haruto: locked up in the yuehua dungeon, which reminds me, we need to break him out later. takuto?

woonggi: cult leader.

haruto: yeah, that sounds about right.

#Takuto Cult Takuto Cult Takuto Cult #but u know who the REAL bp cult leader is? #WANG ZIHAO. respectfully his fans scare me #always doing the most for their king #not pictured ​me dodging apollos dodgeball because i don’t want ollie locked up in the yuehua dungeon never to be seen again for years #supercharger team #k group #g group #maeda haruto #haruto #seo won #wang zihao #cha woonggi #cha woongki #ollie boys planet #liu tianyue #toyonaga takuto #takuto #boys planet #incorrect boys planet #mnet boys planet #kpop #incorrect kpop #incorrect kpop quotes #mnet #unniez

[diseaseriddencube]

Alastor Has NPD Because I Said So: A Shitty Analysis

Grandiose sense of self-importance. Overestimating their capabilities or holding themselves to unreasonably high standards. Bragging or exaggerating their achievements.

It's pretty clear he thinks highly of himself. I like to think that not only does he love radio, but, being The Radio Demon, he believes himself to be heavily associated with it as if it's part of him. So when he gloats about radio being a superior medium of self expression, he's speaking about himself as well.

He was gone for seven years, and it's pretty blatant that he expects everyone else to care about that. Even if he would most certainly not give a true answer had he been acknowledged, he's desperate for that "where have you been" attention, and gets pissed when it's not received. He just naturally assumes he's important enough that other overlords would be concerned about his absence.

Assuming his smile is something he chooses to do (ignoring the stitch mark theories), it's a very visible high standard he holds himself to, and according to Viv, it's something he judges others for as well. Even alone, he refuses to drop his smile.

Frequent fantasies about having or deserving success

The finale song showcases this well, as he outright states that he wants power/control, to be "holding all the strings"

Belief in superiority. Thinking they’re special or unique. Believing they should associate only with those they see as worthy.

This goes pretty hand in hand with what I wrote in point one tbh. It seems evident that he's picky about who he's friends with as well, for example he only associates with Charlie for power.

Need for admiration. Fragile self-esteem. Frequent self-doubt, self-criticism or emptiness. Preoccupation with knowing what others think of them. Fishing for compliments.

This is more of an internal thing, which can be hard to see in a character that hides his emotions so heavily. But you can see hints of it in his reaction when his commercial is criticized, he's proud and asks for feedback, and immediately reacts negatively and gets defensive upon criticism.

He had a breakdown over the thought of his image being tainted for saving his 'friends', he's less worried about his actual injury and rather the humiliation of being defeated over something so uncharacteristic of him.

Entitlement. Inflated sense of self-worth. Expecting favorable treatment (to an unreasonable degree). Anger when people don’t cater to or appease them.

The first point is basically what I already spoke about, I don't think he really expects favorable treatment (perhaps internally, but he doesn't demand it)

That last point can be showcased with how he reacts to Lucifer, who didn't acknowledge him at all and criticized his work. He was obviously pretty openly pissed when Lucifer wasn't sucking up to him and his work.

Willingness to exploit others. Consciously or unconsciously using others. Forming friendships or relationships with people who boost their self-esteem or status. Deliberately taking advantage of others for selfish reasons.

Do I need to say more than Charlie :/ and also like everyone ever that he interacts with 😭

Lack of empathy. Saying things that might hurt others. Seeing the feelings, needs or desires of others as a sign of weakness. Not returning kindness or interest that others show.

Yeah I don't think the guy who hurts people for a living cares too much about hurting others-

And of course back to the smile thing, he sees anyone who doesn't mask as heavily he does as weak, he looks down on those who display their emotions so openly.

Frequent envy. Feeling envious of others, especially when others are successful. Expecting envy from others. Belittling or diminishing the achievements of others.

I don't actually see too much of this symptom in him, though I think it's more of an internal thing for the most part.

Arrogance. Patronizing behavior. Behaving in a way that’s snobby or disdainful. Talking down or acting condescendingly.

He seems to act most condescendingly around Vaggie, especially in the pilot, he's downright disrespectful. His interactions with Charlie upon trying to cheer her up comes off as very patronizing too.

#hazbin hotel #npd #rave ramblees #long post #i'm probably missing a bunch of scenes with more evidence but eh #i think my point is made #also i feel insane because i swear some of these are basically the same symptom with different wording? #like idk sense of grandiosity and superiority don't really need to be separate symptoms? #okay i got really lazy with this analysis #like i'm sure there's way more to talk about but my fingies hurt #like whatever attention whoring nonsense he does with Vox #or how he always tries to take over everyone else's songs #or how overconfident he was during the battle given that he didn't even bring an angelic weapon????? like bro you couldn't have won

[the-somwthing]

I really wanted Jimmy to win Real Life after what he went through in that cave but his death scream absolutely makes up for the fact that he died

#trafficblr #real life smp #life series #I will say the fandom would be no offense insufferable if he did win so. #ppl would be like ‘you stupid canary curse truthers are trying to take away his win just because you want him to die first always!’ #when it’s like ‘THATS NOT A REAL WIN 😭 THIS ISNT A REAL SEASON 😭’ #like I’m already facing this problem with Cleo being a winner it would just be a million times worse if Jimmy won #all I gotta say to people who think RL counts as a true win: do u rlly believe that if Cleo were close to winning next season she should let #someone else do it because she ‘already won’? do you REALLY think RL is an adequate win that she would be hogging all the wins by winning an #actual season? #anyways ignore these tags this is about Jimmy’s fnafjumpscare scream

[sirfetchd]

well fryeheads we'll always have spicy vs sweet vs sour

#splatoon #and bigmanheads will always have the pokemon and chocolate splatfests #water and sweet are the only teams ive joined that won #because i havent joined shiver a single time lol

[carefulfears]

And my girl Scully figured out that Diana and Phoebe were abusive to him and that’s why she was ready to disintegrate them with whenever they breathed Mulder’s air iktr. (Also to me that’s part of the reason Mulder was oblivious and defended them, people who are in abusive relationships are not always aware of it)

YUPP you’re literally dead right, anon, in my opinion. it really bugs me when people talk shit about mulder for “trusting” both phoebe and diana, as though that’s not like…the only thing he’s been taught to do.

i’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between scully’s reactions to phoebe vs. diana. when phoebe showed up, scully had only known mulder for a few weeks. and still she knew almost instantly that something wasn’t right.

i didn’t notice until i rewatched fire the way that she never leaves him alone with her. if mulder and phoebe are working on something, you can see scully. against the wall, peeking around the door, pacing in the hallway. he tells her that she’s “off the hook,” that he’s not going to “put her through this” with “phoebe’s little mind games,” and she takes it upon herself to investigate phoebe’s case herself, until she solves it and phoebe can go the fuck home.

girlbosses catch serial murderers singlehandedly to get their best friend’s shitty ex away from them.

when phoebe was around, scully is passive aggressive as hell. constantly hanging around and making little quips and mocking her accent.

when diana shows up? five years later? she’s just aggressive.

she said nah, we aren’t doing this again 😭😭

(one of my favorite scully moments is when she snaps “and not just because i think that woman is a….well, you know what i think that woman is” and mulder is just like “no you hide your feelings sooo well” lmfao)

i really do think meeting phoebe so early in their partnership informs a lot about the way scully reacts to his exposure and relationship to other people throughout the series. she really doesn’t trust a soul around him.

i always think of this line from madness by kittenscully (a post-syzygy fic, addressing the detective white incident):

“A surge of righteous indignation at the notion makes her sit up straighter, and she bites her tongue to avoid a very unpleasant comment from slipping out. As always, she thinks of Phoebe, of his wide, trusting eyes.”

diana was scary levels of manipulative and violating. but diana loved mulder, scully knew that and used that to plead with her in the end.

phoebe didn’t care about anything but playing with fire. she got off on scaring him, crossed state lines just to fuck with his head and hurt him, just like in their relationship a decade earlier. mulder knew this, he knew from the start what she was doing and what she wanted, and he helped her anyway. he praised her anyway. he connected with her and invested in her anyway.

y’all know i’m always thinking about the script note about phoebe’s coldness “eliciting some old need in him to have her affection.”

by the time diana came back around, scully had sat on the floor of a hotel and watched phoebe smile and shake hands with bureaucrats while mulder couldn’t breathe.

scully had stood in the next room when his questions to his mother got him little more than a slap to the face.

it’s different with diana because there’s a lot more history and connection there, and because at that point there is heartbreak and jealousy on scully’s side (when phoebe was in town, she hung around in doorways. when diana reaches for mulder’s hand, she turns around and holds back tears in the car.)

it’s a difficult position for both of them. he doesn’t know how to do anything but appease and trust and be loyal, to help whoever asks. he doesn’t care if it hurts him, he’s been groomed his whole life for that, to feel like he deserves it.

it makes scully crazy. he’s her best friend. she can’t believe anyone would look at that kind of softhearted hope and want to exploit it or crush it, rather than look up to it, follow it, nurture it.

and it hurts!! it hurts to watch him fall back into these traps, and especially with diana, it hurts to feel that your input and relationship doesn’t matter enough to have influence. to not be listened to, to feel like you’re not being chosen.

she doesn’t know that he went to search diana’s apartment after she told him not to trust her. she just heard, “i know her. you don’t. scully, you’re reaching.” and watched him leave.

it’s just this perfect crossroads of each of their most vulnerable spots. scully wants to protect him, always, and she also wants to be chosen.

mulder has to stand by his allegiances, to seek ‘affection’ in cruelty, to play his role in the larger scheme. this is what CSM knew when he recruited diana into the conspiracy, and he knows because he “created” it.

you can’t judge either of them, they’re both following their natures, and furthering the narrative they were chosen for.

(until scully stands in front of diana and begs, “i just want you to think…stand there in front of me, look me in the eye”…and breaks the whole thing down.)

#TLDR children weaned on poison etc etc #LOVE WON IN THE END!! always. scully’s ferocious devotion won in the end #asks #scully baby i hope you got your bubble baths that year #it’s hard. because he Does listen to her and internalize her input #but he also Needs to not lose these last connections and these last people who ‘cared’ about him and to please them and to be what they want #i mean he was like 18 when he met phoebe. ‘she was brilliant. i got in over my head.’ #he and diana were together (married) (to Me) for like 5 years #during one of the most vulnerable periods of his life. and his transition into discovering the files and doing therapy and leaving the VCU #Sigh #i know scully would zip him safely in her pocket if she could but like she also feels so insecure and disregarded when diana is around #so it’s like both her Constant protectiveness and her own intimate emotional response. it’s just a lot. #i love season 6 #‘bum a cigarette agent fowley?’ #👌👌👌 #Diana