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thekinkyleopard · 8 months

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Revenge Turned Spicy

Kanai x Draeko x Alistar

A Non-Canon One-Shot Snz Fic

⚠️Content Warning ⚠️

Denial, Snz, Mess, Teasing

Author’s Notes: What’s this?! A fic so soon after the last release of a fic? Is Kezzi…unblocked?! This is a request Geezie made a LONG while ago and I’ve spent far too long putting it off and must tackle the task! Art and both Kanai & Draeko owned and created by @aller-geez 🥰

Description: This fic is mostly inspired by the prompt below! With Kezzi Flair!

Snz Color Index:

Kanai

Draeko

Alistar pranked Kanai pretty unfairly, it was the first time it actually made the hound feel almost slightly…embarrassed? That wouldn’t do. He’s been letting the idea marinate but he’s found the perfect in. He knows Al has a raging Fetish for sneezing, as well as an insatiable sexual appetite. He decides to recruit Draeko for his revenge.

Almost in a panic, like he was in the rush of his life, Kanai came barreling into his bedroom. Like he suspected, Draeko was sitting on the bed, playing his switch, but quickly looked up when the door swung open. “Hi Nai!” The mutt smiled happily setting his console down, wiggling in his seat as his little tail swayed back and forth. “What’s up?” His ears flickered.

Kanai stood there for a second, lifeless, emotionless, the usual. “Luciftias…” he spoke, tone flat but clearly something was on his mind.

“Yes..?” He cocked his head, a mint brow raised as he braced himself for the incoming wave of whatever confusion weighed heavy on Nai’s brain.

“I have a favor,” their heterochromia eyes stared deeply into one another, paused for a second before Draeko eventually opened his mouth to respond.

“A favor?” Though he was slightly apprehensive, he trusted Kanai far more than Alistar when it came to favors, so more or less, there was intrigue.

“Yes,” Kanai spoke again, still cold and lifeless as he started.

“Okay???” Draeko raised his brows as if waiting for the demon to continue, but was met with a few more seconds of silence.

“Would you like to help?” He finally asked, taking him a while to process how asking a favor should go, so he was checking all his boxes before just getting on with the subject.

“Oh my god! Yes! Out with it!” Draeko giggled impatiently now rolling his eyes as he swayed back and forth in the criss cross position.

“I wish to prank Alistar….he told me there was this creature, that the humans could never catch called a ‘Snipe’ so he sent me on a ‘Snipe hunt’….” Draeko’s face winced, he already knew where this was going. He’d had the same prank done on him as a child, so this was only ever going to go in one direction already.

“Oh…Nai…” he bit his lip, honestly trying his best not to laugh.

“They don’t exist, Drae…” Kanai’s flat face turned into that of what could only be described as irritation. Possibly a mix of visceral annoyance.

“No…no they don’t…” Drae shook his head in response, and disbelief. He couldn’t imagine his poor hell hound out there for hours calling for an animal that didn’t exist where he was looking. Or let alone the specific one he was probably searching for.

“Well, they do, they’re birds…not a small rodent that answers the world’s most impossible questions…point is..I was out there for 4 hours…” the hound now pinched the bridge of his nose as his eyes closed with sheer embarrassment. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he didn’t tell him to look in the middle of Time Square NYC. Sewer dwellers. He figured he would save that half of the terrible crime to himself. He was experiencing shame for the first time, because how could he have fallen for something for so long??

“Yeah…okay, I’ll help you, what are we doing?” Immediately, Draeko was on board. Al was mean, but this was too far. Having him out there for longer than 10 minutes is just cruel.

“Okay wonderful..Now…I figured, Al really likes that thing we do, when our body has a mini explosion,” he was rolling his open hand trying to find the right word for what he was trying to describe. He knew it but, it escaped him.

“Sneezing,” The mutt nodded once, holding onto his feet as he rocked, to patiently listen, and hang on to the rest of Kanai’s plan.

“Yes, that…we would have a competition, me and you, while he’s home,” the hound explained further, his eyes searching over Drae’s to observe his reactions. Already seeing a disconnect behind the other’s gaze.

“Ok…ay?” The mutt thought, he knew what the other was trying to say but, if they make Al horny, he’s just going to fuck them. He doesn’t see how that’s a prank.

“But we don’t let him have consent,” Kanai now lifts his index in a finger gun, something he’d seen Al do when he gets to a punchline. He figured it felt appropriate here.

“Oh?” Drae’s tail waggled again, back and forth. The two of them knew that Alistar couldn’t fuck someone if they told him no, and meant it.

“Yes. No consent. You have to remain strong,” Kanai pointed his finger sternly in the hybrid’s direction.

“Hey! I can resist!” Lifting both his hands up defensively while pleading with his softened grey and mint duo colored eyes.

Kanai looked at him with a look that clearly said, he didn’t believe him. “Can you?” Head tilted slightly and his eyes narrowed.

“I can!” Again he spoke up but confidently, slamming his fists on each side of him on the mattress.

“Okay, it’s imperative you can, Luciftias,” the hound responded, starting to feel more confident in Drae’s determination.

“Promise! You can rely on me, NaiNai!” The mutt raised his hand up in a salut, causing the hound to actually lift his lips into a small side smile.

“Okay, good, what do we have in the house that can easily induce?” The smile fell as fast as it showed, back into his game plan they both mulled over it silently. Draeko being the first to speak up.

“Ooo we have some black pepper??” Lifting his index like a light bulb.

“That should do just fine,” Kanai nodded in agreement as they both settled with this means of induction.

“Okay, I’ll go get it, where should we do this?” Quickly, Drae got off the bed and put his hands to his hips ready for action.

“Living room, it’s right by the front door, we should start before he gets in so it doesn’t seem planned,” the hound explained to the small hybrid as he too got up from the bed and they both started making their way out of the bedroom and into the main part of the apartment.

“Good idea!” Draeko trailed behind the larger, and while Nai stopped in the living room, the mutt continued all the way into the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets. It wasn’t a hard find, the pepper. One of their most used spices, but he paused. Would this have negative consequences later? Possibly…however, if he just slept in Kanai’s room….forever! Things should be just fine.

Meanwhile in the living room, Kanai is sitting on the couch, contemplating the ways this plan might possibly go south. If Al isn’t in a good mood, perhaps this may be pointless altogether. However, if Al is in a good mood all WILL go according to plan. Which is about a 80/20 probability so it today, Kanai is hoping statistically, should go in his favor.

“Okay I got the pepper…maybe we should be shirtless?” Draeko toddled back into the living room, setting the seasoning down onto the coffee table before coming back to a full stand. Kanai broke out of his mental math gymnastics long enough to look the mutt up and down curiously.

“Why?” Sincere in his questioning, he wasn’t sure what taking their shirts off would do to improve the plan but he was a willing partner in this, he could be open minded.

“I don’t know, makes us look more irresistible?” Drae shrugged his shoulders once over but Kanai nodded, agreeing with the hybrid male.

“…Good idea,” Already the two of them began to strip themselves of their shirts, taking a seat side by side on the couch directly behind the coffee table. They sat there…eyeing the bottle of pepper. Then they both turned to look at each other and in unison, closed their eyes, gripped their fists tightly and took three deep breaths.

“Ready?” Kanai now opened his eyes, released his fists and turned to look at Drae, who was reluctantly opening his own, the moment he felt Kanai’s presence on him.

“As ready as I’ll ever be to purposefully induce myself…” breaking a nervous smile across his blushing cheeks. He hated sneezing, especially since once he got started, it was almost like it was never going to end. Draeko took a deep breath.

“Fair,” Kanai nodded once, he understood all too well. However, it was a small price to pay in order to send Alistar into the world’s most painful discomfort without any tension relief. The hound grabbed the shaker, and twisted the cap off the glass container, particles of spice trickled off the lid through his fingers before setting the piece onto the table. Now just holding the shaker itself, lidless. He turned it on it’s side, dumping a bit too much of the substance into his palm. Neither of them needed to snort it, as just while Kanai wafted the seasoning across their smelling range, they both began to hitch, and gasp.

“H-…H..” Kanai started first, his nose itching as he thrashed it around in circles his eyes squinting and he immediately wanted to cover his face but realized it was still full of pepper. “Dr-…Hah’ The…hIh’…PeehhEh’kkssshuuh!” Immediately he sneezed into the open palm of pepper causing it to puff outward in the air all around them, only resulting in the inhalation of even more spice than they had originally anticipated. Their eyes widened in horror, a calculation Kanai had not considered a possibility. At the same moment the front door swung open and in came Al right before the kick off.

“A—Hh’NDKT’ih! H’GXTSH’UE! K’GNSH! H’NDK’IH!” The sudden eruption that greeted the demon, completely off set his entrance and he stood in the open doorway with his mouth slightly agape. Then Nai popped off.

“Oh n-Hh’KSHHh’hieww! Eh’KGSSH..!” Trying to make it into his inner elbow but missed entirely, both of them openly spraying all over the coffee table to leave behind a fine, speckled mess of saliva flecks across the wooden surface. Al’s jaw unhinged even further, stunned silent almost mentally you could picture him crying cartoonishly with his heart beating rabidly and unrealistically out of his chest.

“Is it my birthday already?! You guys!” Snibbling softly almost overwhelmed with emotions, he dabbed at his fake tears and clapped his hands together. “Who’s turn first???”

“No-…IHH’GXXNT’iiew!! Ih’GNXT! H’KXNT!” Draeko tried began to interject but the peppery air was infinitely way overdosed. Shaking his head rapidly, his eyes welled in tears, and his nose was redder than a cherry. He hicked and hitched, trying his best to speak, but finding every time he opened his mouth, another session of sneeze escaped. “Hihh’GXXTsh’iiew! Ehh’GXTCH! K’GNSHH!!” Drae’s hands flailed wildly as he tried to interject and explain their situation but it was useless, he was in way too deep as spit and snot came hurdling out of his itching face.

“We are h-HaAh..ving aaHh~ …Coohhaa’Ahntest…” Kanai sniffled and huffed as best as he could through the urges but not much context could come out before he too found himself stuck in a cycle. “Hh’KGGSSHh’IH! HH’KTisSh! HEH’KSSHUH!” His arm flung over his face as he tried to cover the amount of mess they were making amongst their living space. Alistar shook his head trying to clear himself into a coherent thought as all of this sudden treasure was bestowed upon him. Did he do something good today? Did he earn a treat? What was this momentous occasion he stumbled into!?

“Please…don’t mind me…” he went to pull out his phone before Kanai furrowed his brows. Draeko was trying his best to clean his face up before he found himself being pulled back almost frozen into a prequel. “H’HGXNF!” It escaped him despite clasping his open palm over his maw.

Before Al could get the camera rolling, the hell hound tossed a couch pillow at the device knocking it across the room. “Hey!” Al yelled out with disappointment and frustration, Nai could only shake his head.

“N-NO, Donnie! H’h…” by this point, the hound’s eyes were uncontrollably pouring with tears, his nose dripping as he tried to keep up with the amount of drippage by rubbing his nose across his hand.

“But…you guys are shirtless…and sneezing…! At least let me…” reaching toward his belt buckle Draeko now managed to cry out between struggling.

“No Al!” The demon frowned and stood there before tossing his arms up. “Well.. what the fuck!”

“Ehh’GxxTCHH’iew! H’GXTSH’UE! HihhhTSH!” The continued secession of kitten like sneezes were driving Al straight into madness as he fell to his knees and clawed at the carpet below.

“Please!! Just…let me do something!” His head quickly snapping back and forth between the two. This sudden gift, feeling a lot more like a punishment now. This was absurd! No filming? No touching? No fucking?! The two of his house mates and sexual partners/best friends continued to blow sneeze after sneeze with bushels of clouds of misted saliva rolling past his crimson eyes. This was a CRIME! “No seriously, what the fuck!” He shouted again with disdain.

“Hh’KTisshh’yuu! S-Sorry..Al..bu..Huh’GXXTsh’IIEW!” Kanai sneezed into his open palms, his hands now feeling much warmer from the fresh spray, but then suddenly cold as he lowered them to the rest of the surrounding air. Soaked on both sides. “Ju-jus..t pick a w-winner..HIh’KSHHh’hiew!!” The spice burned as it came shooting out from their nostrils in each series of fits. Both Draeko and Kanai were starting to feel like maybe this prank was a little under considered through Kanai’s specific lense of understanding. This was sort of a disaster. Why did Drae agree to this? Sure Al was suffering clearly as he sobbed and ripped at the fabric of the floor, foaming from the mouth. However, they also were suffering greatly.

Each time they sneezed, it felt like a thousand needles shooting from their brains, their noses dripped, and eyes watered without break. At this point they were 90% swollen and it felt more or less like they’d been attacked by a swarm of bees. This was a complete failure in most senses of the word. This did not turn exactly how Kanai wanted but he was satisfied to see his best friend weeping on the floor practically throwing a fit.

“Just let me…just let me at least catch the debris…?” Alistar whimpered pathetically reaching outward with a grasping hand.

“N-No…Al,” Draeko’s glassy eyes looked quickly over from the pleasing red head to his Navy haired partner in crime. Winking playfully toward him to signify he was still remaining steadfast in his decision to deny Al anything. Kanai nodded in return. “Hh’NDKT!ih!” Draeko pinched the bridge of his nose and exploded into his other hand before another crept up to follow “Hihh’GXTSH!” Alistar bit his lower lip and whimpered loudly, sadly shaking his head back and forth as his eyes switched between Draeko sneezing and Kanai hitching and hawing.

“So…so..far Drae, is uh…is uh…winning?” The crimson eyed demon tried to remain impartial, tried to swallow the growing need inside his pants but he couldn’t. Jeans suddenly much tighter than they were when he walked in, and he just wanted one of them to say yes.

“O-oh..Hih…n-o…H’KTSHh’iew!” The hound made disappointed eye contact with the other hellion, tears streaming downward his otherwise emotionless and swollen face. Al almost felt a small tinge of guilt for having said what he did just now. Would it effect his chances?

“W-Wait no…Kanai..is?” Alistar looked helpless, like his first born was dangling off a cliff and if he made the wrong move, poof, there would go baby, cradle and all. He was on his knees, body slumped and defeated, a dog begging for a bone.

Kanai would feel accomplished if he wasn’t feeling pretty defeated himself with a face stuffed full of pepper dust. This was probably the worst plan he’d ever had. They should have done this with something more controlled, because neither he nor Draeko, we’re certain they’d ever escape this. “HEH’Kkssshuuh! Hh’KSH! D-Don’t try to buUhUh-.. tter me up!” The hound snorted with offense as he fought off the sneeze long enough to speak. Alistar folded his arms across his chest and sat criss cross, almost like a pouting child.

“Well…Uncle Fucking Christ! I hate this game!” Snorting angrily through his nostrils as he glared at the two shirtless traitors. How dare they? How dare they do this in THEIR SHARED HOME, knowing damn well they’re doing his FAVORITE thing and he can’t even PLAY? What the fuck? “Did I die? Is this my hell? Did my dad kidnap me again?” He asked seriously now.

“N-No! Th-this is Hh’NDKT! KSS’SHU! Payback!” Draeko shouted with a sneezy snicker wishing he could gloat a bit better but was unfortunately too busy wiping his face and trying to free himself of this terrible plan now. Kanai, however, feeling a bit snubbed of his personal call out and victory, still managed a mischevious grin across his face. One Al knew all too well, the only emotion Nai ever showed in hell. His prank grin. That FUCKER.

“You son of a bitch!” Alistar shouted pointed an accusatory finger at the hissing and hucking hound. “You did this on purpose?!” Kanai grinned harder, before his sensitive sinuses betrayed him once more.

“I-HH’Ktissh! Eh’Khgsshuuh! Did, yes,” Wiping his nose yet again across his already soiled hand, not doing himself any favors really, and Al shook his head.

“That’s really fucked up…so I can’t fuck either of you?” Alistar looked between the two of them, his head stayed pointed to face Kanai, but his eyes each ghosted back and forth to examine any sliver of an in.

Both of them shook their heads as they each now grabbed their disguarded shirts to blow their noses, wipe their faces and relieve themselves of the peppery disease that tormented them.

“Wow…IS THIS CAUSE OF THE SNIPE HUNT?” The demon raised his voice with the sudden realization of the most recent act he had pulled against his best friend.

“Ye-s….hEh’KgTSs! Snnddfff it is,” the hound snuffled loudly, rubbing his nose in circles against the fabric of his tshirt.

“WOOOOOOOOW, man, it wasn’t that serious!” The redhead tried to plead his case throwing his hands up with disbelief.

“Four hours, Al, I was…SNDF..out there for FOUR hours,” the grey haired demon narrowed his eyes with slight irritation that this detail was being blown over.

“….That’s NOT my fault,” the ruby orbed menace squinted and his gaze shifted to the side avoiding eye contact now.

“How?” Kanai asked flatly, still staring directly at the avoidant hellion.

“I thought you would figure it out in like….twenty minutes tops,” Still avoiding the other’s stern and ice cold gaze, he shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes in a casual way.

“Four hours, snndff,” the hound sniffled again, softer, as he stared blankly ahead at his target.

“SnDFf..” Draeko snuffed, doing the same as Kanai, clearing his nose with the fabric of his tee.

“Okay, hear me out…I’ll buy dinner..and take you to that boring ass dead people drawing showcase place….” Al now forced himself to look at the other, blushing lightly as he willed his way to try and bargain with the hound.

“The Metropolitan Museum of Art,” Kanai interrupted to correct him.

“Yeah that, I’ll take you there tomorrow….ifyouletmesmash….” Trailing off at the end of his sentence with a conniving grin, his ruby reds squinted with mischief and hope.

“….” Kanai paused…silent for far longer than a man earlier determined to make the redhead suffer should. Draeko’s duo colored eyes shifted to look at the hound. They squinted.

“Don’t do it Nai…sssnnnnddfffff…HICK…” Draeko tried to interject, clearing his nose as best he could to speak clearly, hoping to talk sense into his tall companion.

“…..Come on buddy…..” Al squinted harder, grinning wider as he could tell the hound was getting closer to his breaking point.

“…..” Kanai hesitated longer, really considering the deal in front of him. Was it worth it? Dinner…and the Museum he’d been asking everyone to go with him for weeks…

“Nai….” Draeko pitched in one more time hoping to snap the hellion out of his innate urges to always choose knowledge. History. Human information.

“Okay,” The demon broke, he couldn’t resist the offer, TOMORROW? Worth it. He’d make them go right now if it wasn’t far too late in the evening for that. Draeko sighed, slapping his palm to his sweaty forehead.

“YES! LETS GO BOYS! Both of you. Bedroom. Now.” Alistar shot to his feet in one fluid motion, pumping his arms up in victory before shooting a single index between the two men.

“What the fuck, Nai?” The mint and pink haired mutt looked over at the larger with disbelief. Seriously? This whole thing was for nothing. All they did was get the demon riled up to defile them now. In the end, the damn red head wins again!

“Let’s be honest, Luciftias…it was always going to end here anyway,” Kanai shrugs his shoulders matter of factly, his face flat again, emotionless but inside jumping for joy knowing that tomorrow would be a full day of immersive learning.

“….I suppose you’re right….” The hybrid sighed with defeat, shaking his head back and forth as the two of them followed their insatiable partner into his bedroom, once again, to give into his desires.

The End

Author’s Notes: Huehuehuehue Okay I’m sorry it’s less sexy and more funny/chaotic but like it flowed so well and I literally wrote this in 8 hours. It’s also easily my FAVORITE fic I’ve ever written. Which is the first fic I’ve been able to crank out in such amount of time. 🥹 I was so INSPIRED! Plus I got to Whump Al and it felt so good. SUFFER 😈😈😈 But unfortunately I just love the idea that Kanai can’t resist the Museum of Art 🤣 Hope you guys enjoyed! 🫶🏻🫶🏻 (Feedback is super recommended cause I’m pretty sure the validation is what’s got me flowing again 🫨🫣)

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