#Abidin | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

redhead-writes · 4 months

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Own my own mind

Summary: Suna has had enough of the abuse she has received from her father. The person that once has hit you will never change. So she puts a stop to it but just around the corner another blow comes to her. Can she keep her strength to fight for life she deserves? Come and follow her down this path.

Can also read it on AO3.

Suna had wanted a little break from everyone in Korhan villa so she went to her family's new home. It has been weeks since her talk with Kaya about leaving for London. She still was confused but Kaya’s treatment of her was disarming her. Still she couldn’t make up her mind. So many what if’s running through her head because of her previous experiences. Suna really needed to start healing her mind and she couldn’t do it here.

Of course, even here the drama followed her. It seemed that once again her father was back to his old ways and the things she had built in her mind started to crumble. Once again she was laying on the floor with Kazim screaming over her body but this time there was no Kaya to protect her. How could she be so stupid? How could she allow her mind to play such tricks on her? She had to know better.

“You are such a disgrace to this family. Third failed marriage. Maybe I need to lock you in the basement till I find some idiot that can deal with you.” Kazim roared after hearing his oldest daughter's conversation with her mother and aunt. Once again she was someone she could dispose off like some kind of trash. His rage was followed by another slap that landed on Suna’s right cheek. It was like that slap really restarted her brain. No, she won’t allow him to walk over her. Her own rage that she had stored in herself was bubbling over the edges. She was Sönmez now, she was married to the man that stood up for her. Time to stand up for herself and show that she was worth the name she was wearing. Suna stood up, spitting blood on the floor.

“Oh really, father, I am a disgrace to this family. I am still married to Korhan’s grandson.” stated Suna, coming closer to her father, who for once in his life seemed scared of her. Good, she liked to see him scared of her. “You are the disgrace of this family for not being able to provide us with the life we deserve. You are the one who sold out his own daughters to rich men to grab cushy money and live a lavish life. So don’t you dare tell me I am a disgrace to this family because I am not part of it anymore and have never been.”

“Suna!”exclaimed her mother.

Suna didn’t even turn to look at her, still looking at her father and said: “What, mother? Am I too harsh to him? Am I throwing back taunts that he so easily flicked at me? You are as guilty as him for not protecting me and Seyran from this. I had to protect her by taking on twice as much of his abuse. I wish you all well and happy life but don’t you dare to come close to me and my family ever again, or I will show you what kind of disgrace you raised.”

With all said and done she was out of doors of that house. Wow, that really felt freeing. Finally she left out everything that had been choking her since childhood. Now she had to find Kaya and talk with him. It really was time to take matters in her own hands. She was ready to trust him. Taxi was waiting for her at the door but she was ashamed to get in it, looking like a mess. Oh hell with it, she just needed to get to her husband and the storm was raging outside. It felt like the sky would fall down. She sat in the back of the taxi, telling the guy the address.

Something was bothering her the closer they were getting to the house. Suna looked out of the window at the raging sea but noticed a weird pile under the tree. They were only five minutes away from the house.

“Please, stop here and wait a few minutes.”

“Madam, it is not safe out there.” the taxi driver told Suna but she really had to see what that weird pile was. Maybe someone needed help in this horrible weather.

“Then would you, please, escort me. I will pay extra for it.”

The driver walked to her side of the car, opening the door and holding an umbrella over both of them. They started to walk closer to the pile but the closer they got the more like a human body it looked. The lightning strike made everything around them go bright, and then she noticed a familiar mess of hair and silver chains.

“KAYA!” she screamed and started to run to her husband's side. She fell to her knees and turned his body on the back. Suna felt something warm touch her hand. It was blood. Her husband's head was bleeding. Suna screamed again in despair like a banshee.

“Madam?” the taxi driver asked tentatively.

“Please, call an ambulance and police. Someone had attacked my husband. Please, do it quickly.”

The man nodded and walked a bit further away from the couple on the ground. Suna took off her scarf that was around her neck and wrapped Kaya’s head as carefully as she could, constantly muttering: “Don’t you dare to leave me, Kaya Sönmez, don’t you dare. You have so much to show me in this world. Ambulance will soon be here. You just have to hold on and listen to my voice.”

Suna could hear all the sirens going off, so she pressed a kiss to Kaya’s forehead, whispering: “You hear that, Kaya. They are coming for you.”

After that everything was a blur. Suna and Kaya were packed in an ambulance. Police promised to come and talk with them to the hospital. When they reached the hospital, she was separated from her husband because doctors wanted to look her over too. Suna had forgotten that she had cut a corner of the lip and bruised cheek. All her thoughts were with her husband. The hospital gave her some pajamas because her clothes were evidence now. Finally after a few hours she was in the hospital room with her husband and mother in law who seemed to have one of her clarity days. She wasn’t flinging insults at Suna and that was a start.

“I know that you think I don’t deserve your son but I really love him. I hope that one day you can see clearly that I am not taking him away from you.”

“I know that, child. Simply my other side is more vicious but even she has some respect for you after today. You brought him to safety and protected him like a real wife should do. You are good for him and we will try to come to terms with it.”

“Do you know who did it to him? Is it because of revenge?”

“I have no idea, Suna, but the police will deal with it. Worry about your husband right now.”

“I always worry about him.”

“And he worries about you. You are two sides of one coin. Both abused, neglected and used in the plot of other peoples games. We promise you and him that you are free of those obligations. Go live your life.”

“Not yet, Nükhet. This time is my time to show everyone what kind of disappointment I am.”

“Are you ready to burn all the bridges, child?”

“For myself and him, I will do everything. Those bridges were shaky and slowly burning to start off. Nobody touches my family and walks freely.”

Nükhet finally saw what her son had seen in this girl. Under all that abuse was lioness ready to protect what is hers. There seemed to be no more veil of fear like something had ripped it off. By the look of Suna’s face, she knew what had happened.

*****

Next morning was a rough one. Kaya was still unconscious but Suna could answer the police's questions. They showed her a video from security cameras showing some man following Kaya. That man looked quite familiar to her. Then the man turned his face to cameras to hide from Kaya who had felt that someone was following him.

“Do you know this man, Mrs. Sönmez?” asked one of the police officers.

“Yes, I do. If you need, I can make him come here and confess everything.” stated Suna, looking at surprised police officers. Abidin really overstepped all the boundaries with this move.

“Of course, the faster we can close this case the better. We could not but notice your injuries, do you want to open a case against this person?”

“If we are at it, sure. I will just text that person in the video.”

Suna allowed them to take photos of all the bruises on her body and other injuries she had sustained under her fathers strict upbringing that has left scars that would never be erased. They took her statement about her father. She really hoped something would come out of it. Even if not, she stood up to him, exposing his dirty deeds. Suna’s phone vibrated on the table.

“He is here.”

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Sönmez. We will be close by.” the police officer reassured her while putting on a microphone on her. They really should not be worried about her but Abidin. There was no angrier being that hurt and disappointed woman. “Do everything to get it out of him?”

When Suna met Abidin in front of the hospital, she could see that Kaya had gotten him well. His jaw was purple with already formed bruising there and some bruising under an eye.

“Suna, what happened to your face? Did someone hit you?” asked worried Abidin, trying to touch her face. She slapped her hand away.

“Not like you don’t know who could do this to me. You have always just stood there and watched me being abused like my own mother. You couldn’t even help me once. You are a coward.”

“Don’t say that, Suna. I did so much for you.”

“What exactly did you do for me?” asked Suna, leading him on the way to confess his crimes. “What should I be thankful for, Abidin?”

“I rid your life from that so called husband of yours. I saw how sad he was making you. So I did help you. It was so easy to get rid of him. Possibly, he is already dead by now. You are free to do what you like.”

“Abidin, what did you do to Kaya?”

“Nothing that he didn’t deserve for hurting you. Just left him to die like the bastard he is.”

Suna could not take it anymore. She slapped him as hard as she could and got her fingers twisted in Abidins hair, pulling as hard as possible to put him on the knees, sneering: “Don’t you dare to call my husband a bastard. You know, Abidin, by this you only helped my father. He will marry me off to another creep that you won’t be able to take on because you will be too scared.”

A police officer was pulling her off Abidin but she was not letting go that easy. She kicked him in the side and his howl of pain was satisfying.

“That is for hurting me and Kaya. I hope you like your jail cell.” she shouted after him while Abidin was getting taken away.

“I knew we should have been worried about that man more than you.” said Nükhet who had seen everything go down from the sidelines. “Officer, you can let my daughter in law go. She won’t hurt anyone anymore. I think you have more pressing matters to attend to.”

The two women walked back to Kaya’s room in silence but before Suna could step over the threshold there was a hand on her shoulder, turning her so she could face her mother in law.

“I am proud of you, Suna. You kept your promise so I am keeping mine. You are free from my own revenge. Go, live a happy life with my son.”

“Nükhet, Kaya wants you to come with us.”

“I know, child, but my time here is not done yet. I will join you soon enough. Oh, by the way, here are yours and Kaya’s clothes and bathroom stuff. The rest of the stuff I asked to be moved to a flat I rented for you two. There is no reason for you two to return to that snake pit.”

“Thank you, Mother!” said Suna, stepping into the hospital room. There was her husband wide awake and smiling at her not like someone wanted him dead just yesterday. Just seeing that smile made Suna finally allow herself to cry. Kaya just opened his arms, ready as always to support his wife and allow her to hide in his arms. That is all Suna needed right now. Her husband's warm hug and understanding that they are allowed to be happy.

“I love you!” spoke Suna, looking in the eyes of her husband. He deserved to know that he had reached this goal of his. He had fully disarmed her and showed her that life she wants is possible with the right person.

“I love you, too, my water nymph!” he answered her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

#yali capkini #kaysun #kaya x suna #kaya sönmez #suna sönmez #suna şanli #AU #OOC #kazim Şanlı #esme Şanlı #Nükhet Sönmez #Abidin #tw abuse #attempted murder #badass!suna #My Precious

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venusunruhu · 1 month

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Ellerin, yüzlerin, emeğin, işçinin, alın terinin ressamı, Güzide Hanım’ın aşkı, Nazım’ın yoldaşı, Yaşar Kemal’in dostu, Şair Arif Dino’nun kardeşi, yazar, çevirmen, sanat tarihçi, illüstratör, dekoratör, film yönetmeni, editör, oyun yazarı, şair, seramikçi, karikatürist gibi kimliklere sahip çok yönlü bir kültür insanı. Fakat bir türlü mutluluğun resmini çizemeyen Abidin Dino, benim için anlatması oldukça güç.

Deneyeceğim,

Burada onun yazılamayacak yaşantısının bir kısmını ve ressam kimliğini elimden geldiğince anlatmaya çalışacağım yalnızca. Aksi mümkün değil.

Abidin Dino, 23 Mart 1913’te İstanbul’da oldukça varlıklı bir ailenin beşinci çocuğu olarak doğdu. Kendi tanımıyla annesi Saffet Hanım, ‘’biraz kibirli, İstanbul hanımefendisi.’’ Fakat inanılmaz güzellikte elleri olduğunu söyler. Babası Rasih Dino ise, Divan-ı Muhasebat Müdürü. Abidin Dino, onun çok cömert olduğunu fakat bazen aşçıyla bir pırasa için bile kavga edip, kıyamet kopartabildiğini söyler.

Abidin Dino aslında çocukluğunu şu şekilde anlatıyor: ‘’Eşyalarla sözcükleri birbirine bitiştirmek, uyanıklıkla uykuyu bağdaştırmak, küçükle büyüğü ayırt etmek, daire ile yuvarlağın bir aradalığına katlanmak... Yaşlıların bebekten bekledikleri sahteliklere zorlanmak, bebekliği taklit etmek, acayip söz kırıntıları yumurtlamak, ufacık olmanın çaresizliği içinde "ciciliklerine", olur olmaz öpücüklerine, evirip çevirmelerine, soyup giydirmelerine katlanmak... Elden ne gelir, olsa olsa ciyak ciyak ağlamak bu zorlamalara karşı... Erken, çok erken başlayan var olmanın şaşkınlık duygusu. Gündüz gece sevinçle korku karması, renkler, düşler, kokular, yemek, işemek, gülmek, hepsi birden ne zor! Kendi kendinin, kendiliğin bedenin sınırlarına alışmaya çalışarak... İç orada başlıyor, dış? Neresi acıtıyor, neresi yakıyor, neresi sevdiriyor eli? Yaklaşa yaklaşa, duyula duyula, koklana koklana, evdeki koltuklara çarpa çarpa, acı duyula duyula benliğe sınır çizmek. Çarpa çarpa. Dünyaya gelmek dünyadan gitmek kadar zor. Çok sonra bilecektim ki, doğumla ölüm bir ikiz.’’

Abilerine oldukça düşkün olan sanatçı, onların evde hep karikatür çizdiğini söylüyor. Dönemin ünlü karikatüristleriyle 10-11 yaşlarında tanıştı ve çizmeye başladı. 1920’li yıllarda Paris’e taşındılar. Burada Jean Baptiste Say Lisesi’ne gitti ve resim öğretmeninin ilgisiyle, resme daha da ağırlık vermeye başladı. Çok geçmeden Türkiye’ye döndüklerinde ise, Mevlevi tarikatına mensup hat ustası komşusundan etkilenerek, Osmanlı minyatürlerine ve hat sanatına çok ayrı bir hayranlık duymaya başladı. ‘’Hayatım boyunca yolumu çizen o oldu’’ diyor Abidin Dino, bu hayranlığı için. Tabi İstanbul’da yaşamaya başladıktan sonra, Bizans’ı tanıdı. Bizans’ı, fresklerini, mozaiklerini. Öyle doyumsuzdu ki, Bizans yüzlerini görebilmek için ara ara Ayasofya’nın içindeki iskelelere tırmanıyordu. Fakat yine de bir hat sanatı değildi onun için.

Abidin Dino, bu süreçte çizmeye hep devam etti. Sonunda ise hepimizin bildiği D Grubu’nu kurdular birkaç ressamla birlikte. Bu sayede ilk kez halkın karşısına sanatıyla çıkmış oldu. Aynı zamanda bu genç yaşlarında bir yandan gazetelerde röportaj yaparken diğer yandan karikatür çizmeye devam etti. Henüz politik görüşlerinin oturmadığı fakat yavaş yavaş tanınmaya başladığı dönemlerde ‘’az buçuk faşist’’ dediği Marinetti ile tanıştı. Tanıştığı kişiler arasında en önemli kişi onun için Nazım Hikmet’ti. Onun kişiliğine ve cesaretine büyük hayranlık duyuyordu. Çünkü o eleştiren ve başkaldıran biriydi ve bu istek o dönemde Abidin Dino’nun da içindeydi. Abidin Dino, Nazım’ın ‘’Sesini Kaybeden Şehir’’ isimli kitabını resimleyen ilk ressam oldu. Nazım’ın politik yolu, onu hiç korkutmadı, uzaklaştırmadı.

Eserlerinden bahsederken, ellere olan takıntısını da atlamıyor. Kendisi de dahil ailesindeki herkesin elleri çok güzeldi. Belki de, bu saplantısı bundandır diye düşünüyor. Fakat politik fikirleri oturmaya başladığında, emeği en güzel ellerle anlatabileceğini biliyordu. İlerleyen dönemlerde, dekoratör olarak SSCB’ye gitti. Sol fikirlerle burada tanıştı. Buradan Paris’e gitti. Resim yaptı, film çekimlerinde çalıştı. Eisenstein, Picasso gibi isimlerle yakın dostluk kurdu. 1939’da ise yurda dönerek, Yeniler Grubu’nu kurdu. Buradaki resimlerinde, işçiyi, zorluklarla geçimini sağlayan insanları, köylüleri çizdi. Gerçekçi, halkın yanında, özgün bir duruş sergiledi hem resimlerinde, hem yazılarında. Çünkü o, tarafını seçmişti ve söylemişti de: ‘’ Kuşkusuz anti-faşisttim. Emin ve kesin bir şekilde seçimimi yap- mıştım. İnançlı bir anti-faşisttim.’’ Tabi bunu bir kenara bırakırsak, Picasso’nun da dediği gibi ‘’doğru dürüst el resimleri çizmeyi bilen’’ bir kendisi, bir de Abidin Dino idi. O, alın terini eserlerinde yaşatmak istiyordu. 1946 yılından bahsederken, Nazım’da, tüm demokrat üniversite hocalarının da içerde olduğunu söyleyip şunu diyordu: ‘’Artık canıma tak etti! Özgür olmak, özgür düşünmek, özgürce dile getirip, özgürce yaratmak istiyorum!’’ Bunun üstüne, seramiklerinin üzerine attığı imzası bile, orağa benzetildiğinden dava açılmıştı komünizm propagandası yapıyor diye. ‘’Orak varsa, herhalde çekiç de vardır diye düşünmüş olmalılar. Böylece, orak-çekiçle komünist propogandası yapmış oluyordum’’ diyordu.

Kısacası, Paris sokaklarında öğrenci protestolarının arasında, resim, seramik atölyelerinde, film setlerinde, sürgünde geçen fakat onurlu, üretken bir hayat.

‘’Öyle sanıyorum ki bir oluşumun içindeyiz. Benim yapabildiğim, yaptığımı umduğum, son soluğuma değin yapacağım -ki önümde uzun bir zaman yok, biliyorum- bu birtakım şeylerin yaklaşmakta olduğu duygusunu yaşamak ve yaşatmak. Her zaman felaketleri düşünmemek gerek. En korkunç acılardan sonra tüm bu yaşadıklarımız olağanüstü güzellikte bir yaşama dönüşebilir.’’

Abidin Dino, 1993’da troid kanserinden Paris’te, gözlerini yumdu hayata. Cenazesi ise İstanbul’a getirilerek Aşiyan’daki aile mezarlığına gömüldü.

Keşke dolaşsaydın Nazım’la Türkiye’yi, bir baştan bir başa. Keşke yattığınız yerler müze olsaymış, sürgün şehirler cennet. Keşke yapabilseymişsin mutluluğun resmini de, buna da ne tual yetseymiş, ne boya Abidin…

#abidin dino

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