#A fucking mess I want to hold

[cute-girls-from-vns-anime-manga]

kbn by クシザキ

#Chainsaw Man #kobeni higashiyama #Kobeni #Best Girl #Black hair #Grey Eyes #Greyscale #Apron #Ponytail #Thou Shalt Submit to the PonyTail #Short hair ponytail #She is my idea woman #A fucking mess I want to hold

[snurtle]

I've been thinking about the templars lately. they were promised honor, virtue, told that they would be charged with protection of the innocent... And then those same people are systemically exploited and abused, abuse others because they're taught to regard everyone else as either sheep who need to be lead or potential threats. Never equals, except in their brothers/sisters-in-arms. They act as the guard-dogs and military arm of an entirely different organization that they're only a functionary member of but have no governing say in. Even the chantry aren't their equals- they function as the templar order's supervisors! And all this isolation and closing of ranks ends in disability, addiction, death, and abandonment by the system they spent their bodies in service of.

To top that off, retaliations against them just confirm the paranoia they were taught to embrace. It's probably a long hard road to get out of that hole.

Like, listen. the dichotomy of mage vs templars is a satisfying and easy one, but the system is tearing them apart too. have you ever heard of a retired templar?

at the end of it, mages and templars need to unite against the real threat. the chantry.

#this is an anti chantry post i want that temple exploded NOW #the chantry controls the lyrium; benefits directly from the formari enchanter system; has a financial incentive to make and use tranquil #the templars are breaking themselves in service of a system that functionally does Not care about them in any way except #their ability to hold a sword and counteract fade magic and that messes me up #thedosians need a fucking cross-field labor union NOW #of course the kalna would probably send the carta after any potential organizations of that nature #and the coterie #cant kill em all though!!! #actually that would be a hilarious fic #dragon age #canon dont interact i dont pay attention to discrete facts here we operate on half remembered game knowledge and vibes #if there are any retired templars out there: uhh... enjoy that. happy for you king (alistair) #cullen rutherford fundamentally represents 'no retirement plans' for me #the man is fifteen chronic illnesses ptsd shit withdrawal and interpersonal abandonment in a trenchcoat with fur trim #text it #long tags

[mamawasatesttube]

timcassie is so compelling to me. they were not into each other even a little bit. it was such a messy coping mechanism fuelled entirely by grief. they were making out with each other because they were both substituting each other for kon. cassie was far more aware she was doing this than tim was. unironically, dating a girl here is one of the gayest things tim has done

#rimi talks #it is SO messy and its so fun. i don't think geoff even realized the implications but they sure are there when you read it #god... you know its BAD when modern comics have me missing tt03 of all Fucking comics #but like. todays ''tell don't show'' writers would N E V E R do something this interesting #tom taylor would be all. oh! tim we shouldn't kiss. i'm just substituting you for kon because i miss him and you were his best friend! #and then he'd have tim go oh wow cassie you're right i didn't realize that! my bad. all forgiven? yay!!! :) #GOD YOU KNOW ITS BAD OUT HERE WHEN I THINK *GEOFF* DID SOMETHING RIGHT. GOD. GOD #GEOFF MY MORTAL ENEMY GEOFF. grits teeth yeah geoffrey i have to give you this one............ #its just such a deliciously unhealthy coping mechanism. theyre a MESS. theyre using each other. theyre only able to go on bc of each other #its not a romance but it IS a codependency #bart isn't even dead yet when this happens. like. he's just off being the flash. #bart (extremely depressed bc he couldnt stop sbp and hold him in the speed force forever): :| ok #not his circus. not his monkeys. #well it is his monkeys even if he left the circus. but he's too depressed to deal with it #but its so fun. this relationship is haunted. there's a ghost in the middle. they both want to kiss him instead of each other. #tim #cassie #timcassie

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

#the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #the locked tomb #ianthe tridentarius #augustine the first #pyrrha dve #palamedes sextus #this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate) #the locked tomb meta #the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though. #of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world #utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there #and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea #when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter #it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level' #she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him #because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing #to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after #IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival #ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god #gaining nothing at the cost of everything

[oldkamelle]

Still accepting Ideas? If so, Spy asking advice on Sniper on how to tell Scout that he is his dad.

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 fanart #traditional art #traditional comic #pen doodles #oldart #mercs #(gently holds your hands) anon. what the fuck. /lh #this was such a behemoth of an idea cuz it raises so many questions?? #why would spy suddenly want to tell scout the truth given how he only chose to when scout was two seconds away from dying #(also. cant remember which comic this is but when spys about to drive off after scout begs him to take him as well #he only does so when scout mentions his ma so thats on my mind as well) #hes never shown like he feels the need to yknow #if spy decided to tell scout the truth why would he be asking for advice like wouldnt he want to keep it out of anyone elses business #(which fair enough wouldnt really happen given scout but eeh) #also he already did it good enough besides the cosplaying #and if spy for some reason was gonna ask for advice why would he go to sniper specifically #did i answer any of these questions in this mess? #the answer to that is the same as to 'do i have a good understanding of the characters' or 'do i have storytelling skills' #which is to say no #i also couldnt think of a way to make it funny to try and get away with that so i had to go with the more serious route so #anyway. sincerely hope its good enough anon (thumbs up)

[anotherdescentintomadness]

Rénjiān Zhì Wèi Shì Qīng Huān (Love Actually)

WANG YIBO as Zhai ZhiWei (2017)

And a little treat for all you thirsty bitches

#wang yibo #Zhai zhiwei #love actually #Zhai ZhiWei loml #This is absolutely WYB’s most unhinged character #And he holds a very special place in my heart #When he sits there listening to Ding RenJian give him advice about how to interview well and then DRJ’s FACE when he sees ZZW at the table #Such a perfect way to introduce ZZW’s character #not ZZW hiring DRJ because he’s so pathetic and ZZW is bored af #my favorite scene might be when DRJ goes into work and ZZW is there covered in mud in his bare feet #and then tells DRJ he wants to learn how to roll down a mountain well and to GTF OUT #but then there’s the part where ZZW screams at An Qing Huan “I AM GOD” #Okay so… I can’t say much about the rest of the show but WYB’s parts were absolutely delightful #And I highly recommend watching Love Actually with just a YiBo cut #I adore this little genius IT wunderkind hot mess screaming and fucking up his office with a baseball bat #WYB puts in 1000% to his characters and he did here too and he’s fucking hilarious y’all #Watch it. Just the WYB bits are altogether about 7.5 hours and it will be time well spent #Zhai zhiweiiiiii I love youuuuu #He’s absolutely batshit and I love him your honor #Youtube

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Ngl youtube videos suddenly got me slowly turning into a Justin Russo hater.

#like mainly later seasons him #early seasons him is fine #but like i guess plot wise you could argue he becomes more iffy because you know the competition will be soon #and justin does want to become the family wizard #as for some reason this show still never fully tackled the fucked up shit of the idea that wizard siblings have to grow up studying magic #only for one or two or whatever number siblings to lose it to one sibling in a competition #like stevie was the closest we got to that #but like it still dont make it less bad with how justin was #like the worst example i can name is him literally refusing to save alex whose his sister btw and shes always dropped shit to save him #because he wants to project onto her that she purposely fucked up his chances to get back into the competition via #pushing the students to take the test only for them to be failed because bad guy being bad guy in reality #and basically blames her for the failure and such as a result and acts like its all an act when she is mad on the students behalf and shit #and his students have to drag him kicking and screaming just to save her from the bad guy's shit #and there's also the competition itself where harper and zeke get grabbed by a creature during it #but alex has to convince her brothers to save the two and thats just cold already on justins end with zeke #but cause they took too long they all lose the competition and magic #and both brothers especially justin proceed to treat alex like shit even during work hours meaning #fucking over family business just to get at alex #and when the dad ultimately almost sells the place justin STILL blames alex #like she was the only one working fully max was being max and justin was being a little bitch to her #aka the infamous refusing to make her orders only max's and when he does he throws the sandwich at her #and cause she was holding drinks at the time and didnt see it coming the drinks went on a customer #and also throwing table trash into her already full bin shes carrying around while cleaning tables #and therefore messing it up for her like #and alex's logo...well from sounds of shit thats just justin again being a hateful bitch to his sister with zero consquiences #even one commenter pointing how he sadistically smiled while telling her all her friends hate her #like dear god if the show was doing this to make everyone root for alex its working i hate later season justin #gonna be interesting if hes matured or not as an adult

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

i know im not breaking new ground for saying legend of korra is disappointing but so much of the series is genuinely off putting to me. the setting, the tone, how the narrative tortures korra it feels like

which is a shame because I love korra as a character (even if her writing isn't The best at times). but there are so many aspects of the show I don't like. fuck there's so many characters in the show I dont even like either

#says a lot how even when im not rewatching atla in its entirety i enjoy watching clips of it from time to time or analysis videos on whats #good about the show... #i have not touched TLOK since i watched the show finale when it aired #i cant stand mako. i dont even really like bolin much either #i feel like the biggest aspect of TLOK that holds it back is the fact that it wanted to be more 'mature' #ignoring the fact that the og series -was- quite mature. as in it knew when to take itself seriously! TLOK has a superficial idea of- #-maturity it feels like. like 'ohhh ohhhhh look we showed an airbender do killing isnt that cool!!" what the fuck EVER #I DONT CARE. i dont care when it feels like a slog to get thru the show and when u add things that mess w/ the allure - #- of the og show. I dont WANT to know how the first avatar came to be or why the spirit world exists #THE MYSTIQUE WAS WHAT MADE IT SO APPEALING #THE EXISTENCE OF BENDING WAS EXPLAINED BY PEOPLE OBSERVING NATURE AND IMITATING IT. OR BEING TAUGHT SPECIFIC ANIMALS #NOT BECAUSE OOHH LOOK THE LION TURTLES GAVE IT TO PPL TO TRAVERSE THE SPIRIT WILDS.... lame!! LAME!! #im angrier about this than i need to be lmao #the whole lion turtle thing just sounds like the show runners felt insecure about the finale of the OG series lol

[deadqueernoldor]

Nghhh chewing on finweans and realizing how self-sacraficial is so deeply instilled in that family, and that that particular trait is prevalent in each generation.

Finwe knew he couldnt win against Morgoth, but he could try and protect his grandchildren. He fought regardless.

Fingolfin knew he couldnt twin against Morgoth in 1-on-1. He fought regardless.

Finrod knew he would die on his quest for Beren, and still fought the wolf to save his friend. He did.

Celebrimbor knew he could protect others by dying, protecting the knowledge about the rings. He did.

It stands to reason that Elladan, Elrohir or Arwen, would have come upon a similar fate.

#sometimes it just hits me with a sledgehammer like that family (esp the feanorian side) is portrayed as selfish a lot #(instert 'justice for caranthir for tslling Angrod to fucking stick with the people who arent hiding in Menegroth from Morgoth'-agenda) #(insert 'feanor was a selfish prick by abandoning the others in aman and forcing his sons to re-swear the oath upon his death' rant) #but i still think they are actually more opputunistic when you REALLY want to put a word ending with -istic there #feanor saw the opportunity to leave aman. fuck the brother he never liked. feanor only needs the people who'll be loyal to his family anyway #curufin saw the opportunity to get support form those of nagothrongld after he and celegorm had to flee like cowards from the dragons #which. for two people who i think have immense pride in their battle skill and strength must have been a HUGE ego blow #celegorm saw the opportunity to either: fuck over doriath and thingol by keeping luthien as political leverage (i dont think he's have #forced himself on her intimately. so fuck that. idc man. leave that shit away from me. he's an asshole but not a rapist imo anyway) #or: get a silmaril out of this mess SOMEHOW. #maedhros saw the opportunity of a possibly successful assault on angband after the silmaril quest of B+L and immediately began warplanning #and realistically speaking you cant tell me that maedhros didn't see the opportunity to casually drop the fact that it was HIS brothers and #HIMSELF holding basically all the eastern lands of beleriand in safety by closing off the Gap of Maglor while... where have you heard vague #rumours of turgon and ⅓ of the nolofinwean people maybe possibly not having died after suddenly disappearing? yeah. thought so. #just the opportunity to make slight political jibes available to shut anyone up about them being selfish #this is a weird post idk where this is going i stopped thinkig halfway though the second sentence #somehow that tag rant veered from self-sacraficial to opportunistic. didnt have that on my bingo card

[the-kipsabian]

.

#today was such a long fucking day and i was made so fucking uncomfortable i literally threatened to walk out of a fucking funeral #i got told im dressed inappropriately just because im perceived as a girl and i was wearing pants #PANTS. #theres no such thing as a funeral dress code that prevents me from wearing pants. people just didnt like it #i got told by two extended family members that i was inappropriate. and later also by my mom #who didnt say anything when they picked me up. it was fine by her at that time but later when others said it wasnt fine? yeah #im so fucking tired man #i know the extended half family doesnt like me ive always been a black sheep but this just. yeah #at a funeral no less #i dont want to see these people ever again im so fucking tired. i dont want to see anyone ever again tbh #just let me sleep forever and rot away please im tired #sorry my headache makes me angry and upset just. its all just so much #im just glad this whole hassle is over and i dont have to think about this anymore. but between all the stress and anxiety and grief #and everything else? yeah this. this aint it fam #im so mentally fucking shot i just want to sleep but my body is still kinda in a fight or flight mode with this and the grief its so hard #and my head hurts. so yeah. i dont fucking know #i just need someone to hold me before i combust #again sorry #night is an absolute mess on main

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Oh I love when people take the metaphor of "losing pieces of yourself" in a somewhat literal context because it can create such gorgeous imagery. I liked the dash cosmic horror involved with Arceus as well as the more grounded idea of hastily patching an open wound. And the visual of then having to deal with it after like a back alley patch job. So wonderful. Do you have any more plans with this concept?

YEAH I LIKE IT TOO HSKJSH and yesss exactly re: the mixing of the cosmic/Higher Power aspects of arceus and the lake trio, combined with the extremely real & grounded imagery of being stabbed and bleeding through your shirt and then getting haphazardly sewn back up. theres just something about it.

i think everything involving arceus especially feels abstracted to the point of only being vaguely real—it's the backstage of the universe, occupied by a higher being that humans are barely capable of processing. it's mind-bending and holy and beautiful... and then it cuts a piece of your chest out with its fucking hoof. it's not even delicate about it, which would, at least, bring the two worlds together to the point of being sort of compatible. if it carefully and delicately excised that portion of your heart. but no, it just impales you, and leaves golden shrapnel embedded in your chest, and you're left there dripping blood on the pristine white tile. it's brutal and uncaring just as much as it is sacred. yknow, like a primal force of nature.

in terms of future plans... there's nothing solid rn but obviously there's a TON of potential in the idea of mental/spiritual fuckery being represented as physical violence. for that specific snippet, i think that the physical wound isn't necessarily visible in reality (though there might still be blood on the front and back of his shirt to mark where it was? i'm undecided) but there is some kind of Mark left on the skin. maybe red gemstone-like stitches to show where the lake trio tried to fix things. and then if he ever returns to a more metaphysical space (like, in dreams, or if the gods ever try to talk to him again) it'll still be there, since it's a wound still left on his soul.

additionally, wrt translating btwn mental/spiritual and physical, i think that ever trying to remember what he's forgotten is like picking at the healing wound. it's not good, is what i'm saying, and has the potential to do further damage. that's also part of what mesprit was concerned about, since in cutting the "ragged edges" off to stitch it closed, it was worried that they were just taking even more away. this all gets very conceptual very fast and i'm also rambling hkjhskjsh point is it's all very unfun for ingo there

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #dargonics #pokefic pitch #in terms of it showing up in dreams that would ofc also hold true if he WERE 'picking at it'/trying to remember #which i think is sort of visualized as like. trying to yank out the spike that arceus left in there #which looks gnarly but is actually serving a function of like stemming the bleeding #and messing with it WILL also fuck up the lake trio's work #if you wanted to get really mean you could even do something there with darkrai. like he gets put into a nightmare that involves- #-the lost memories and involuntarily tears it further open #even better if someone else is there with him and gets to Watch. hmm #anyway.

[purple-is-great]

Finnish media: a police officer on horseback rode into someone when breaking up a protest so that the person fell down. that was fucked up and probably not allowed

People in the comment section: well it's their own fault for not moving out of the way. the police told the people to move so anything that happened after that was their own fault.

#there were some smart commenters agreeing that yeah that was messed up #and okay i have some complex thoughts about this protest #it was an anti-nazi protest and the organisers told police they'd be at this one square in helsinki #unfortunately the neo-nazi parade had already gotten permission earlier to be there #(yes nazis are allowed to freely hold protests but we have fairly strict rules for how stuff can be banned based on ideology) #(it is messed up but it's not the main point here) #so the organisers were like ''we'll be there earlier and leave before the nazis come'' #no fucking way that would be possible without all-out fighting in the street. the job of the police is among other things to keep #these two protests away from each other #so rather than compromising and going somewhere else the organisers decided to just hold the protest there anyway #so the police didn't let them do it #so quite frankly they chose to focus on opposing police rather than the actual fucking nazis #and by doing so took away from the message of ''we don't want nazis on the streets'' #because now we're not talking about the nazis or how many people opposed them #we're talking about police #and my social media is filled with people acting like the nazis were allowed there and the anti-nazis not for some arbitrary reason #or due to ideology #and not because of pure bureaucracy: the nazis announced it first

[britishraptor]

im sorry for the sudden influx of dungeon meshi I am watching the anime and I’m a biology nerd and I fucking love food and also I want to marry that fucking blonde nerd

#I would keep him updated on dragon facts #and eat whatever dungeon monster he wants #even if it’s a texture nightmare #we would have monster impression competitions #and I would listen to his opera-esq rendition of the mermaids song whenever he wants #I also fucking love ecology studies #kill me now I’m holding off on reading the manga so fucking hard #I don’t want to mess this up I want to experience it with the voice acting and animation I want to hold out #I mustn’t know

[larryrickard]

i had a dream that i made little cards that say "THEY!" on them that i handed out to people at work who got my pronouns wrong, immediately after they got it wrong. and in smaller text (or on the back) it said "i don't want an apology, i want you to do better" or "don't say you're sorry, DO BETTER" and ..... i kind of want to do it. maybe i'll get some moo cards made lmao

various scenarios included:

me slamming it down on a desk in front of them.

instead i had stickers, would slowly peel one off while they watched, and stick it on it on them.

handing out a quarter sheet piece of paper based on the 'i caught being good' tags we'd get in kindergarten which said 'i got caught misgendering hallie/my coworker'. it would have their name and date on it and a giant 🙁 face. i had them as a pad of paper and would hold up a finger to say 'wait a second', dramatically pull it out of my back pocket, take my pen out of another pocket, slowly fill it out in front of them, and hand it to them while staring them in the eyes.

getting a whiteboard for the outer side of my cubicle wall that said '[days] since i was misgendred' (with a bonus by saying 'last offender: [name]'

i also dreamt that i got into trouble for it because i was making people feel bad and was 'creating a hostile work environment'. i was just like.... okay and how do you think i feel? and my boss shut up real fuckin quick. dunno if that would be the case irl but if that does happen i can only dream.

#tired of the people who say 'i'm trying but i'm going to make mistakes' #ok sure i definitely mess up sometimes too but when it's not even close to 50/50 let alone merely uncommon ............. fuck you #what's sad is it's all people i like and it hurts so much #in the dream it the cards also said something about how i'm not a girl. not a lady. not a woman. stop saying that word to me ... #... in plural when i'm with female coworkers. about half the time i say 'not a lady' and only about half the time it's acknowleged #or that one who constantly posts female-empowering images on ig which are alienating bc it's clearly very binary #and getting comments like 'well it applies to you to!!!' why bc i have a pussy? fuck off #and she'll sometimes say 'thank you for your patience' (what patience) or 'have patience with me' (no.) #i've also thought of holding up my name tag in their faces bc my previous boss had it specially made for me #it's got my name position and pronouns #same boss tho..... he was REALLY consistent about using my pronouns but one day used she/her three times in a row before eventually... #... correcting himself and the next day i told him that really sucked especially from him and he later told me i should have been nicer... #... about it. i was PISSED. i said 'well then how should i have said it?' i don't even remember his answer i just know i wanted to go... #... off on him SO BADLY bc he said it 'hurt his feelings'. well too fucking bad bc every time i'm misgendered it makes me want to... #...die inside a little and feels like at the very least a tiny punch to the gut but that felt like being stabbed esp since it was a new hir #he also said 'ok but i corrected myself' yeah AT THE END after doing it THREE TIMES and that's not the point here #anyway lol this dream definitely stirred up shit unfortunately but i'm serious when i say i might actually have these made #like both my internal email and external emails have my pronouns in them (i had to campaign for this btw so thank you me) #but i recently added my own custom signature with 'they/them' in it that has a link about using pronouns correctly #me #lgbtq #nonbinary

[shoechoe]

i could say a lot about anasui as a character but from a solely design standpoint... you guys. he is literally just diavolo but worse

#sorry anasui fans #<- that is my anasui hater tag you can block it if you want. i don't hold anything against anasui fans i just don't like him #i will never get over how people shittalk diavolo's design and then turn around and stan anasui like ''omg hes so sexy and gnc" #sure he has shinier hair ig but... the fucking feet top #diavolo's design is a total mess but in a much cooler and betterer way okay. i don't make the rules #even if it's not worse it's still just... way too similar? that's all i could think about when i first read SO #like man this totally unrelated guy looks just like the villain from the last part. that's weird #rambles #i know this is a controversial (though unsurprising from me) take so iam turning reblogs off to avoid getting mobbed

[icterid-rubus]

😕

#scheduled my cat to be put down this Friday #don’t wanna make a post about it but I wanna talk about it #asked my mom to come with to drive me and do the talking. dad asked to come too #except he doesn’t do earnest emotions well and says really stupid and insensitive shit when people are emoting #and I will be sobbing through all this. I already am #on a zoom call with family so they can say goodbye to Chloe and he’s going on about how bad she is sees I’m trying not to cry and says #gee! I don’t think she’ll make it through this! hohoho! #I don’t want anyone to be there with me at all but I know I just won’t be able to talk to the vet and pay #really just a fucked up year. ducked up like 6 years running but whatever #really tired but I can’t sleep. don’t want to talk to people but isolated #I want Chloe’s suffering to be over but I don’t want to let her go. #meanwhile I have bumble person on discord talking to me and it feels like such a slog. I want to ghost. I’m just tired in them and having #to keep up this like essays long reply chain about the minutia of our lives that doesn’t change ever #but that also feels mean because they haven’t been pushy and have been really considerate even when they asked to meet again and I said to #hold off because of my cat and it’s been like two weeks #I haven’t been in instagram because I don’t want fish store person to ask me out #trying to get stuff done for friends baby but realized in all this mess I forgot to block anything. feel like such a failure at everything #making baby presents. keeping my cat alive. making connections #I just don’t want to be perceived at all. I feel like such a non entity #or rather I feel like I should be a non entity. a picture on the wall of a disused room. #I’m so tired.