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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years

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Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

I’ve seen it all in my days. I’ve witnessed a man using his intestines to strangle another, a Tyrannosaurus using a payphone, a crossbow fire bolts so fast even the editor couldn’t keep up. No matter how bad a film you’ve seen, there’s always a worst one… unless you’ve seen Manos: The Hands of Fate. Proudly advertising itself as one of the worst films ever made, this picture fails in every single technical aspect. I’m not being hyperbolic. Depending on your attitude towards bad films, it’ll either be a tedious bore, or one of the most bewildering and amusing pictures you’ve ever seen.

Harold P. Warren (who also directed, produced, and wrote the film) stars as Michael, the father of Debbie (played by Jackey Neyman, dubbed by someone much older) and husband of Margaret (Diane Mahree), who unfortunately find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere. Finally reaching a house, they decide to seek shelter there, unaware that the doorman Torgo (John Reynolds) is awaiting the return of “The Master” (Tom Neyman) and his harem of wives, worshipers of the ancient god Manos.

While viewing Manos, I had several out-of-body experiences. I realized that yes, what I was seeing was actually happening. There I was, sitting on the floor, munching popcorn trying to wrap my head around a film this awful. I started laughing hysterically. This picture is a series of “Never before have I…” for me. Never before have I seen an American-made film where the entire dialogue was dubbed. Never before have I seen a film entirely shot on a camera that could not capture more than 30 seconds’ worth of footage at a time, never before had I heard the voice of a grown woman come from the mouth of a little girl, been as confused as I was seeing the unconnected montage of a couple making out in a car, seen such poor acting, continuity, musical choices, or editing.

I don’t know what else can be said about Manos. The film is so incompetent you can figure out exactly how the story will unfold within a few minutes. It's also so crazy it becomes completely unpredictable. The obvious technical errors are so abundant that if isolated from one another you wouldn’t believe for a second the film wasn’t intentionally bad… but watching more than 5 seconds' worth makes it crystal clear this production was spearheaded by people who had no idea what they were doing.

To get the full experience out of Manos: The Hands of Fate, you’ll need to do a bit of homework, but trust me, it’s worth it. Witness its glorious state of catastrophe. Let it sink in. Ask yourself “How? Why?” Then, read up on it or check out some of the special features included with the release of the film. The more you know, the more delighted you'll be. Anyone who likes bad films should see Manos at least once. (On Blu-ray, July 22, 2016)

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