#...culture and race then feel free but i won't speak for you because you. know best. anyway! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

decolonize-the-left · 2 years

Note

This is a few months late but this is another input ask about your post about what constitutes whiteness? Feel free to ignore, but I do agree and think the conversation is very interesting (and one many people need to have I think)

I definitely agree with you on the idea that 'whiteness' is made not from a sense of shared identity, but rather an identity of not. Over history the definition of white has grown as non-white populations got more rights and freedom. The construct of Whiteness exists purely to separate people, there is no shared history or culture that isn't based off of exclusion.

I myself am white, but I'm also an orphan and grew up in foster care. Something you notice (and how they treat you differently in fostercare based off of race) is that when you're white, your mere existence doesn't come with the concept of history.

White people purposefully don't acknowledge their own history because it's not a source of pride. (I'm not sure if this specific point is universal but) when you're white you aren't taught what parts of the world your ancestors came from, you aren't taught traditions of your family or cultural background, often you don't even know your ""true"" cultural background (heavy quotation marks as such a statement can carry lots of icky connotations).

When you're white (in north america (canada + US) ) and never taught or explained those sorts of things the first historical relations you know you have is to racists, murderers, rapists, people who've commit genocide and unspeakable brutality. There is no sense of pride or even connection, because who wants to connect with others over knowing that your ancestors were horrendous people?

That in combination with the enforced individualism expected when raised within the ideology of whiteness means that not only are you not taught community (which can often be looked down upon by white folks) but you're also taught to actively reject them. When you're white you don't need other people, when you're white needing help is a personal failing. When you're white family can kick you out once you're an adult because hey, at least you know the kid won't get targeted for their skin.

And by creating this idea that community (ESPECIALLY community that connects over similar heritage or ancestors) isn't needed, there becomes this idea of "why do they deserve that?". You can see this manifest a lot in how white folks fetishize St. Patrics day, where they want that sense of historical connection, but without acknowledging the truth of it.

It's the jealousy of wanting what you don't, and in this case cannot have. Which transfers into looking down on communities, viewing them as something more ""primitive"" because they """need""" or """are driven""" to have those communities. (those are NOT beliefs that I hold nor are they ones that should ever, ever justify racist behaviour).

Whiteness itself is an ideology that grows whenever there's a threat of "other" becoming equal because it's based completely on the idea of individual betterment. White folks are then raised with these ideas and without the ability to connect because, in a way, white folks learning to connect and be part of community (especially when addressing their own ancestial past and the damages that still has) they lose their whiteness.

That's white "white trash" are looked down on within white communities, because they embody aspects of the other without visually being part of non-white minorities (ignoring the racism, sexism, and bigotry that can be prevalent within communities referred to as "white trash").

I'd also like to add that because I'm an orphan, I might've gotten a few things wrong because I quite literally have no connection to my heritage. And because I'm white, no one has ever tried giving me any connection. I was always raised to exist within myself so to speak. My ancestry is myself, my heritage and generational culture is within myself. Communities don't teach skills because there are no shared connections between white folks so you teach it all to yourself. You exist first as a singularity to survive and THEN exist within society.

Basically, I'm unsure if that lack of heritage is a shared aspect between all white folks or an orphan thing, but being a white orphan is quite different than being a non-white orphan (like some of my foster siblings. they treat you differently in the system, it's highly corrupt).

Anyways it's a super interesting conversation and I'm really glad that I got to read your take on it, because I love the analysis (and acknowledgement) of whiteness and white culture, and learning more about how other people experience and view the world. There cannot be betterment until people recognize what lies they've been taught as truth ig

No worries, you aren't late. Whiteness is (and should be) an ongoing dialogue!

You're absolutely right, I was in foster care/foster care programs from 15-22 and I have trauma from those years I still try not to dwell on. A lot of it because of me being an older brown kid for sure. And you're right, they do divorce you from culture. I've only really gotten able to reconnect with my own cultures over the passed few years tbhh. Because on top of primarily placing me in white families, when they did place me in latino homes they were families that couldn't speak Spanish, homophobic, celebrated Christian holidays, etc. White-washed.

Which was so intentional because as someone who came from an indigenous household, I had culture. My mom took me to pow wows, played native CDs in the car, etc. It was bizarre and seemed so intentional. Like how could you just overlook such a HUGELY impactful part of growing up? Culture shapes who you are, you know? How do you just Overlook that without noticing everything you'd be missing out on?

Like how is this so regular and normal and average that it isn't even noticeable to most people until it's pointed out?

Like to be told you're not anything, you're just Not a bunch of other things and then celebrating leftover holidays from Christianity just because it's something Most Families Do for Some Reason (hello Christmas) seems idk.

Like I cant quite find the word for it. It's like um. It's like whiteness tried to substitute culture for superiority and Fitting In so now we have entire societies of people dedicated to going through the motions of being a person without actually being a person. Like biting into decorative fruit.

In fact, it really puts into perspective just how white supremacist & hostile it truly is for everyone, not just BIPOC because our culture shapes us just like how the absence of it Must shape white people. Like when you apply that on a systemic scale? Who shapes our laws? Our rights? Historically what have medical, legal, and government systems looked like under their control? What do those systems look like today? Who are the people that argue when we say to end police, to abolish ICE? Who's voice do we hear spouting what-aboutisms when we say we want to fund and support our communities instead? Who panics when natives say Landback?

And do you really believe that the culture built by white supremacy didn't influence them? Their disregard for community, for the earth, for compassion, for human life?

"there can not be betterment until people recognize what lies they've been taught"

Exactly.

Because how can you change behaviors and work on internalized issues if you aren't even aware of them?

That's how they get away with it too. Conservatives say all day they're "free thinkers" you know? Not realizing that the intentional and complete lack of value on community and absence of culture is how they were indoctrinated to support Every vote and candidate that offers to give them power over someone else. (Reproductive rights, gay rights, Jim crow, banning native religion, etc)

And "power over someone else" is how the USA operates. Can you think of one law that doesn't also apply to the "don't be this" white supremacist rhetoric? All our laws are like that too. They're all "don't do" with not very many Do (as in "do have rights"). All elections are "don't give power to". No matter which side it is. Democrats Can't have a republican power because they want to take your autonomy and Republicans can't have a Democrat in power cuz they'll take ur guns. It's all choosing which group of people shouldnt have power even more than the other group shouldn't have power.

And how could you support a system like this if you don't FIRST believe that YOU are part of the group that deserves the power to make that decision? That YOU are part of the group who gets to control other people? And how could you ever reach that conclusion if you were taught to care about people, if you were taught compassion and that everyone deserves equal respect?

Culture, communities & finding identity with both of them matter so much more than any racist or person in power is willing to admit.

#i went off on a tangent i think #asked #answered

52 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 5 months

Text

1780

When was the last time someone admitted to having somewhat of an attraction to you? Few months ago when some dude in Malaysia hit on me and also tried to use this cheesy pickup line which was tbh adorable but I just wasn't looking for anything so I turned him down.

If people hit on you semi-often, what race tends to hit on you the most? Eh that never happens to me.

Have you ever had an experience with ghosts or angels? If you have, explain: No and I don't believe in either anyway, so...

How has the summer been treating you thus far? June was fantastic; I went on back-to-back overseas trips and it was incredibly refreshing to have a month where I spent more time off than at work. The rest of it is an autopilot blur because I spent the rest of it working, lol. I can barely remember what happened in July.

What was the last wedding you went to like? Any pictures you’d like to post? I haven't been to a wedding since my aunt and uncle's in 2007. None of my friends are married, and the people I know who have since gotten married I'm not even close with so I've never gotten invited to theirs.

Was yesterday an exhausting and busy day? It actually was my most exhausting day of the week. It left me so tired I don't even know how I managed to drive home lol, I just wanted to close my eyes and pass out the whole ride.

Have you ever choked on food before? Not on food but on liquids and my own spit in the past, yeah.

Do you ever make awkward eye contact with people at restaurants? I wouldn't call those instances awkward. Sometimes I just meet eyes with strangers and that's all there is to it. I just look away as quick as I can so that they don't think I'm staring.

How often do random numbers call your cell phone? I wanna say 2-3 times a month because we're apparently doing a crap job addressing the whole thing about scammers and them having a hold of literally everyone's numbers.

Can you just go with the flow, or do you like control? I like an overall structure, but it's nice to have a bit of freedom within that structure. That said I definitely am not nearly as anal as I used to be and enjoying going with the flow is probably the biggest change I've undertaken in the last three years.

Is your internet connection slow? It is and it has been SO SHITTY the last 2.5 weeks. Our internet service provider is shit shit shit shit SHIT. I've been going to the office for 2.5 weeks now because I can't stand the slow service lmao; they also keep saying they'll bring someone in to fix whatever the fuck problem is happening but they've been saying that for the last couple of weeks and no one ever comes.

Have you ever unblocked someone that you blocked before? Yep.

Do you like to eat fruit salad? No that sounds like the worst punishment ever.

Can you take naps, or does it make you feel horrible? I can, but I don't. My free time is very rare and I always see sleep as a waste of time, even though I know I shouldn't... but idk, I guess I've always been a "I'll sleep when I'm dead" kind of person.

Do you know anyone who can’t swallow pills? I don't think so! I mean I have my moments where the damn pill just won't go down and the water makes me nauseous already LOL, but for the most part it's not a cause for concern with me.

When was your last uneventful day? That would be last Friday and Saturday – I had a fever then and both days were entirely spent on the couch recovering. I didn't want to risk getting up and doing stuff and possibly making my fever even higher.

Does your ex have a reason to hate you? Yes.

What annoys you the most about people? This is speaking only on the side of Filipino culture but I hate the culture of aggressive bargaining and find it embarrassing. Like the seller you're haggling is making a lot less than you are; if she says a top is 700 just pay the damn 700 lol. I'm FOR SURE in the minority here but I just don't like the idea of pressuring people, especially because I know I would hate it if I'm being forced to lower down prices that I set hahaha.

Don’t you hate how cameras are almost everywhere in public now? I don't find it a problem and it actually makes me feel safer.

Has anyone slapped you across the face before? If so, why? Yeah. Fuck if I know. I haven't talked to him in like five years.

How long have you been on the computer today? I want to say a little over 6 hours.

Did you know that a large fry at McDonald’s contains 500 calories? No but tbh I don't care. I know what I'm signing up for whenever I eat fast food, lol.

Do you find it hard to truly trust people? I trust my friends; it's a question mark for everyone else. I want to remain guarded, especially with how unsafe or sketchy the outside can get.

Do you prefer to have more or less in common with your siginificant other? Less is always more fun, as long as it's the little things – like me liking wrestling and my SO not understanding it one bit. It's a mess waiting to unravel if you have nothing in common with the fundamental items, like religion or wanting to have kids.

Why do you think people care so much about looks? Doesn't it just simply boil down to society and media and what we think society and media tell us to do?

What do you do when there’s a question in a survey that you don’t want to answer? I just delete it altogether or give a noncommittal answer.

Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a thing with? I did. I'm just calm now.

Have you ever taken a survey so long it bored you? Yes.

How easy was it to get over the person you last dated? 7 months, to my own surprise.

Do you allow people to ask you questions? Sure.

Would you take a shot of heroin for a million dollars? No.

Why don’t you talk to your ex anymore? I don't need to and I don't want to.

0 notes

imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 3 years

Text

Unexpected Places (Pt. 08 of 11)

Pairing: Ivar the Boneless X Reader/Bjorn X Reader

Word count: 1.8 K

Summary: As a princess, you've lived in a golden cage all your life, always a piece on someone else's game. But everything changed when the Norsemen came crushing down on Wessex, like waves in a violent storm. Their king spared your life and decided to take you with him to his kingdom, in what felt more like a rescue than a kidnapping. There, you were not only confronted with a completely different culture and lifestyle, but also with two of his sons. The oldest one has his eyes set on you, but it's the youngest one, Ivar, who gets who claimed your attention since the first sight. And he seems to have an unnamed interest in you. Of course you hoped whatever that was would pass, but when unexpected feelings start to flow a different way, things begin to change.

<- Previous part (07)

Next part (09)->

{Vikings Masterlist}

Bolt of Lightning

“I can't believe I did that.” You say in between laughs as you enter the main hall. “Does your ass hurt, Hvitserk?” Somehow, while training with Hvitserk, Ivar's clutch found its way to be behind his legs, and with a little distraction and a push, you knocked him down on his ass. It wasn't an actual fight, since you know he takes things a lot easier with you, but still, it made you and Ivar laugh until you cried. And no, you won't ever let this go.

“That wasn't fair.” He says, a finger on your face. “You should be careful with me, Ice Lady.”

“Oh, now he's threatening you.” Ivar sing-songs.

“He's threatening me.” You repeat, sitting on the table and putting your feet on the bench, in between the two bothers. “As if I'm scared of you.”

“You should be.” Hvitserk doesn't enjoy much the fact that you and Ivar paried up to tease him. And you love that he hates it. Taking the jar and three cups, he passes them around, serving you but refusing to serve Ivar, who looks at him with a fake annoyed stare.

Rolling your eyes, you give Ivar your cup, taking his empty one and pouring some of the drink in it, almost spilling everything. “Skol.” You say before taking long sips.

“Skol,” Hvitserk repeats, and at the same moment, you feel your cup being pushed up, the liquid flowing out and rolling down your chin and neck. “Oh, shit.” Hvitserk laughs, and when you put the cup down, you realize it wasn't him.

“You idiot!” Shouting, you take the jar, and in a fast movement, you succeed to throw some at Ivar. But he holds your wrist with one hand, making the jar hover above his head, encircling both your legs with his free arm and pulling you down from the table, your butt hitting the bench hard. “Ouch!”

“Now, is your ass hurting?” Ivar asks, his voice messed up by how hard he's laughing.

“You're such a jerk!” You try to stand up, but Ivar has you trapped, with an arm around your waist, forcing your back against the table. So you give up trying to set free, focusing your efforts on trying to spill what's left of the drink on him. “Don't you like drinking straight from the jar? Drink this.” You mutter, just as you manage to twist your wrist, spilling it partly on the floor and partly on his left arm.

“Stop wasting it.” The loud voice makes you both stop, and you get the feeling that the eye roll is mutual. Bjorn sits on the further edge of the table, a cup in his hands.

“We have plenty.” Ivar snaps back, getting a hard stare from his older brother.

Slightly pissed, you turn around, sitting now facing the table. The atmosphere changes, but you grew used to it. Since the lake incident, you haven't been around Bjorn a lot. He did try to apologize, and despite you assuring him that's in the past, it's not enough. You don't know what he wants, but you don't care. Seeing you around Ivar doesn't help, and you're around him a lot now. “So. It's getting colder every day.” You mutter, drumming your fingers on the table, hoping to change the subject and ease the tension.

“We're in the middle of winter, what were you expecting?” Hvitserk says, with a dramatic eye roll.

Kicking his leg under the table, you giggle. “I know. But it wasn't this cold on Wessex. I'm struggling.”

“It always helps when you have someone to warm you up at night.” Hvitserk gives you a look, right before glancing at his brother. “It's better than blankets.”

“Really?” You ask him, resting your elbows on the table.

“Really.” Bjorn's laugh gets Hvitserk's attention, and whatever he was going to say, it's forgotten. “What, Bjorn?”

“Nothing, nothing.” He mutters, shrugging his shoulders. “I was just thinking that there's no reason to worry if (Y/N) and Ivar want to use each other's body to stay warm at night.” His voice is full of anger, and he gives you a hard, mocking stare.

Exchanging a glance with Hvitserk, you notice how he looks down as if removing himself from the conversation. Turning to look at Ivar, searching for some explanation, you see how furious he is, but also embarrassed. What is going on here?

“What do you mean, Bjorn?” You speak up, not willing to let this go. If he started it, he better explain it.

“(Y/N), don't–”

“Ivar is incapable of... Let's say, fathering children.” He chuckles, his face half-hidden as he drinks up.

“What–”

“Whatever sickness he has on the legs, it also affected what's up there.” He continues, and you don't understand why he's bringing that up now. Why is he talking about something that clearly affects his brother? Is he just jealous?

Taking a deep breath, you bite your lip to prevent all the curse words that fill your head to come out. “How can you be so sure?”

“He tried once.” Hvitserk whispers, clenched fists on the table.

You can feel as Ivar gets tense beside you, so you quickly search for his hand under the table, holding it tightly. “He tried once. Only once. He failed and never tried again?”

“C'mon, (Y/N). You can't possibly think–”

“You can't possibly think that saying this will immediately make me pick you instead.” The words flow out, and you don't think much. The only thing you want is to put Bjorn in his place because he can't just treat his brother like that. “Ivar is not less of a man just because he's crippled. Actually, he has to be a lot stronger than common people, and for that I admire him.”

“Are you truly in love with him, (Y/N)?” Bjorn asks, and you feel a sudden heat on your cheeks, your heart starting to pound stronger.

“It's not your business, Bjorn.” You say, trying to keep your voice steady.

“Do whatever you want. It's your life.” Putting the cup down violently, he stands up and leaves.

Ivar soon follows, letting go of your hand and ignoring when you call him. Sighing, you exchange a glance with Hvitserk. “What do I do, Hvit?” you mutter, running a hand through your hair.

“If you want Ivar despite the... Difficulties... You have to make him see that. Him and everyone else because people will try to talk you out of it.”

Nodding, mostly to yourself, you know there's truth in his words. Ivar is a force of nature himself, but he's still human. And you know that, despite his strength, things still get to him.

The rest of the afternoon and evening goes by without any other situation. You meet Helga at the market place and invite her and Floki over for dinner. During the meal, Ivar doesn't show up, but you don't ask anyone about it. You know why he's hiding away. Bjorn, on the other hand, seems pretty happy not to see his brother around, but you struggle not to say anything and ruin the mood. You do manage to have some fun, listening to Floki's stories. He also seems to be growing used to your presence, since his wife took a liking to you.

A few hours later, you're at your room, in the sleeping gown, ready to get some sleep. Your muscles are sore from training, even though half the time you spent joking around. And your mind is tired too, from all the thoughts racing through.

How do you prove Ivar you don't mind the... Difficulties? Telling him would certainly be a mess. You'd blush like crazy, stutter, and maybe even make sound wrong. You should've ask Hvitserk for strict directions instead of just the general idea. Bracing yourself, you sit on the edge of the bed. These walls fail to keep the cold outside, or maybe it's the winter, way too harsh, pushing through the wood. It would surely be nice to have someone else here, to make you warm.

The idea that comes to your head is madness. But maybe, just maybe, it would make him see that, despite Bjorn's little show, you still want to be around him. So, taking a deep breath and praying for it not to backfire, you rush out of your room, the light fabric of the nightgown doing nothing to keep the cold from creeping over your skin. Tiptoeing, careful not to let anyone listen to you moving through the place, you quickly find Ivar's room, lightly knocking on his door, hoping that he's not sleeping yet.

When you hear the door opening, you release a breathe you didn't even know you were holding. Ivar is on the ground, looking up at you. “(Y/N)?”

“Hey.” You can't tell he's still embarrassed by the way he doesn't sustain your stare. But you don't say anything, walking inside and letting him push the door close before locking it. “It's really cold. Do you mind if I stay?” Not waiting for an answer, you walk towards the bed, pulling the blankets away and lying down.

It takes a while until you hear Ivar moving, coming back to bed. With your eyes open in the dim light, you hear his breathing. You're not sure what to say to make him understand that you want him. Because you do. You haven't noticed, but now, like a sudden bolt of lightning announcing a storm, you know.

So, taking a deep breath, you toss around, moving to lay your head on his chest. Your cheeks are burning, and there's a funny sensation on your stomach. “Sorry, but I'm really cold.” You mutter, eyes tightly shut, hoping Ivar won't push you away. But when you feel his arm around your waist, you can't help but smile, your thumb caressing his skin.

“What Bjorn said–”

“To hell with Bjorn.” Cutting him off, you take a deep breath, getting comfortable. “He's just jealous, the idiot.”

“That he is,” Ivar mutters, placing a kiss at the top of your head. “So are you going to sleep here now?” The cocky tone is back, making you giggle.

“Maybe. Let's see if you can make me warm tonight. I'll give you the answer in the morning.” Shrugging your shoulders, you bite back a smile. “Now, good night.”

“Good night, princess.”

Closing your eyes, you embrace the feeling of being here. You never thought you'd be that brave, given how you were raised. But then again, you never thought you'd end up in a place like this, in someone's arms like this. But now you know, better than anyone, that the best things can come from unexpected places.

Tomorrow, you'll have to deal with what was left outside this room. But right now, there's nothing but you and Ivar, and the silence, peacefully surrounding you.

@multific @revolution-starter @crackhead1-800 @youbloodymadgenius @clown-boyyy @kitten0394 @castielsangelx-blog @goldlion07 @midnightmystic @readsalot73 @xvxcarolinexvx @momowhoo @fangfoxy @msrawog @walkingonshunshine @alytavzla @anotherfan07 @heavenly1927 @msrawog @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom

#ivar the boneless imagine #ivar imagine #ivar x reader #imagine ivar #imagine ivar the boneless #ivar the boneless fanfiction #ivar the boneless x reader #ivar the boneless #ivar vikings x reader #imagine ivar vikings #ivar vikings imagine #vikings #vikings x reader #imagine vikings #vikings imagine

127 notes · View notes

morgemuffel · 5 years

Text

MALEC. ➰ PROS & CONS TO MARRY YOU. (STAY WITH ME)

This story takes place between episode 3Bx16 & 3B17. Why does Alec suddenly thinks about getting married?

-> Alec creates a pro and contra list about whether he should propose to magnus or if it is too early etc. He confronts himself with his thoughts and fears, which had never been expressed loudly before. *(Part 3 of my series: our heart beats like one)

My vision is blurred and everything around me happens like in slow motion. I'm standing there like a fool and don't have the strength to move. My heart contracts as if it were crushed in someone's fist. The air is thin and Izzy had called Catarina Loss to help, when she heard my cries for help. I'm so mad at myself. "Magnus, Magnus, can you here me?" is the only thing I can say. Why didn't I see it coming? I'm still standing there as if rooted to the ground, too shocked to do anything meaningful. "Please, I'm right here" I continue talking, in the hope that he at least hears my voice. I had given Magnus a heart rhythm massage until Cat finally arrived after a felt eternity. Cat now kneels next to Magnus on the floor and holds her hands over his right clavicle and left chest muscle. Stand back" she commands. A blue cloud flows out of her palms, enveloping his lifeless body, and once again an electric shock of several thousand volts shot through his chest area to reactivate his heartbeat. "Come on, Magnus. Hang in there" Catarina screamed in panic as still nothing happened. "Catarina is he going to be all right?" I ask anxiously. Another electric shock. But Magnus, whose body had just shrugged like wild before, lay there now only calm and motionless. "I...I...Alec he's gone..." Cat sobs and looks at me in disbelief. I see the tears rolling over her blue face. I know that she has done everything in her power, because she doesn't even have the strength to maintain her glamour. I feel pure fear crawling up inside of me. No. No he can't be dead, he simply just can't be dead! I don't know how, but somehow my body starts moving again and I stumble uncoordinated and fall on the floor next to Magnus. Stay with me is the only thought that constantly wanders through my head and throbs like my own heartbeat in my head. I form my right hand into a ball and place the left hand over it to start another heart rhythm massage. I feel Cat's pitiful look on me, but she says nothing. I won't give up on him. Press twice per second, I know how it works, every shadowhunter knows the required frequency, but the longer I press the more the fear is taking over me and the more irregular my rhythm becomes. I repeat: "stay with me Magnus" to the beat of my pressure movement. I can't lose you, I just can't. "Stay with me Magnus" I taste something salty wet in my mouth and realize that it is my tears that flow over my face and is taking my sight. But I can't wipe them away. I don't have time to release my hands from Magnus. "Stay with me Magnus! I don't have to see anything to know that I can't stop, that I won't stop. "Stay with me Magnus!" I drift off and my body... Oh God as if I were in free fall... No. No. No. The darkness surrounds me and I am lost in nothing. My thoughts echo through the dark void. Our hearts beat like one and if his stop beating, mine dies with him. Magnus is dead.

Alec opens his eyes disorientated, he is bathed in sweat and his heart races as fast as it threatens to jump out of his chest. He looks around in fear and searched for Magnus. He is alive, it was all just a nightmare! At least the part about his death. Alec's subconscious had probably played a trick on him with his greatest fear. The fear of losing Magnus. How could this happen? Why had he not noticed the signs? Or had he noticed them and simply ignored them...? Alec is sitting on a very uncomfortable plastic chair, in the New York Institute in the Medic department, watching Magnus. His chest lifts and lowers gently to the beeping sound of the ECG device. His breathing is flat and slow but he is breathing. It is so unusual to see him uncombed and without make-up. In the blue coat he seemed almost inconspicuous and very vulnerable. Alec has been sitting on this chair for hours, he must have fallen asleep, he thinks, rubbing the palms of his hands against his face. He closes his eyes and the pictures reappear before his inner eye. With a shake of his head he tries to shake the pictures away. Yes, it was close but they had made it and Cat had set up everything right here to watch Magnus non-stop. A cold shiver ran down Alec's back as he tried to interpret his dream, it had felt so real. And he believed he knew what the message was behind it. He had to apologize to Magnus. Alec had a guilty conscience because he should have known how tortured his boyfriend really was.

Alec interlaced his fingers and began to speak slowly: "Magnus, I... I don't know if you can here me. But this is my fault. I was selfish. When you first lost your powers and you said you were okay with it, I...I didn't think twice. I guess I was just so happy that maybe we could... grow old together." He took a break to breathe deeply. It was the first time he said it out loud. He was ashamed of that thought. He had asked himself several times whether he was a bad boyfriend because of that. He had talked to Underhill about this topic. But to say it out loud, to hear his voice, brought him the knowledge and thus the answer to his question. It had hurt him when Magnus had accepted Lorenzo's magic without talking to him about it. But Magnus magic was a part of him and he didn't have the right to begrudge him that. And he knew one thing for sure. To see Magnus happy was the only thing that really mattered. Alec's heart got heavier at this thought and he started rubbing his thumb over his ankles nervously. He tended to exert so much pressure on that movement that it almost hurt. But the pain there eased the pain in his heart. He sniffed before continuing: "I guess I just didn't realize, how deep down, how much you were suffering. Magnus, I love you. He reached for Magnus' hand, near the tears and his voice was now full of despair: "More than anyone in the world and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." He heard the sliding door open and quickly wiped away the one tear that had made it over his cheeks. "May I come in" Cat asked gently. "Yeah" Alec replied and stood up with a deep sigh to talk to Cat about Magnus' condition. "Did you manage to make contact with the people at the Spiral Labyrinth" he asked full of hope. She nodded, "yes, I shared the test results, an he agreed. Magnus' body is rejecting Lorenzo's magic. "Rejecting? What do you mean?" Alec asked and folded his arms in front of his chest. "Think of it like a failing organ transplant. Each time Magnus performs a spell it puts a tremendous strain on his body. He got lucky this time. He will regain consciousness . But if he uses magic again, even for something small, he might not survive," she explained to Alec in a haunting tone. "Why can't you just fix him? Why can't you just take Lorenzo's magic out?" Alec asks in surprise. "I wish I could. The only one who can reverse the transfer is the person who gave it to him" she explains. "Lorenzo did this on purpose," Alec hummed furiously. "Alec, there's no way he could have planned it. With magic transfusions, there's always this possibility." Cat tried to protect Lorenzo. But Alec disagreed. "No he knew how desperate Magnus was. He took advantage of him. I'm not gonna let this son of a bitch get away with it." he hissed upset and tried to squeeze past Cat. But Catarina grabbed him by the arm and held him tight when she said: "You need to settle down. What's the shadowhunter saying? - Emotions cloud judgment? - You loose your temper with Lorenzo, he'll have less incentive to help. Like it or not, Lorenzo Rey is Magnus only hope" she made clear to him.

On his way to Lorenzo's loft, Alec shook his head in disbelief. Had he really just thought that? He corrected the sentence in his mind. Magnus' Loft. He was on his way to Magnus' loft in Brooklyn that was stolen by this mucous guy Lorenzo Rey. Magnus hasn't woken up yet, so Alec had decided to ask Lorenzo to take back the magic he had given him. He was almost certain that this would also be Magnus' wish. Magnus' near death had shown Alec how precious time is. And he knew that he wanted to spend all his time also if only 10 years or even 60 years, with Magnus at his side. Nothing was more precious than the time with him. When Magnus agreed to his suggestion to move in together, Alec was the happiest person ever. There was only something that could make him happier. To make Magnus his forever. Put a ring on his finger and call him his husband. There were many reasons for this, but he also knew that there were some contras. He started to write a pro and contra list in his head:

PRO:

- It was a promise for eternity, a promise to be at his side forever

CONS:

- Magnus had just suffered some losses, his status symbol as High Warlock of Brooklyn was taken away from him and his loft, his home, was taken from him. These losses sparked a kind of identity crisis in him

I remember what it was like before Magnus. The time of uncertainty, fear and my own identity crisis. It was like my whole life was a lie, I was living a lie. It was before Jace, I had always known it. I'm not saying that I am different but in the eyes of others I am. All of us who don't fit into the over century formed norm are considered different. Growing up in a society that fears everything and everyone just because they don't understand it or know it differently and respond with hate is sad. The hate and fear that was directed against other races or against the preference of sexuality frightened me. I was afraid of this hate and took the safe side. The don't ask don't tell side of the shadowhunter culture. I preferred to be angry and unhappy than to deal with these feelings. On some days I feel ashamed not to have been brave enough before Magnus came into my life. To simply ignore the prejudices and discriminations and to stand by myself. But for shadowhunter - family, honour and tradition are written in capital letters. At least that's what they believe. And I certainly didn't want to be the first Shadowhunter in my family to destroy this supposed honor. Family is everything to me. Grown up in the institute under the enormous pressure of the council and my parents. I always did everything for my parents and for the council. My fater drilled in to me that I was never good enough. I always thought it was me, because they felt who I really was and wanted to suppress it. So I did the same and ignored my feelings. I was impure with myself and carried this anger inside me for years. I couldn't define exactly where it came from but I was always angry at everything and everyone. Not knowing who you are and not knowing where you belong is terrible. By the angel I'm so happy that I met Magnus.

"Maybe you should start living for yourself. Do what's in your heart" he had told me back then. I thought I would never be allwed, or to even find somoen to marry out of love and the only thing I could hope for would be a solid partnership with a woman. But here I am, in a happy relationship with the man I love above everything else. I will do everything in my power to lead him back to his identity as he helped me. So pack up your hatred and discrimination. I alone decide how my life goes on.

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, not that I would know." I hear Magnus' voice in my head.. We'll find out, my darling, we'll find out.

Alec circled the two reasons and tried to look at them from every angle. He was a man of tradition and honour and he always knew he wanted to get married one day. He just never would have thought that this wish could actually become reality with someone he loved with all his heart. But here he was and his boyfriend was Magnus Bane. He knew he would never love anyone as much as he loved Magnus. He also knew that a marriage is about being together for the rest of your life and that this same - a life long - was a different view for Magnus before. Magnus was no longer immortal and to ask for his hand now would painfully remind him of this loss. Alec wondered if it wouldn't be possible to ask Asmodeus to give Magnus back his real magic and thus his birthright, his immortality. What would be the price? For sure one that Alec can't pay at all. He sighed and began to walk faster. There was also the housing situation, he was at least able to fix. Cat had told him that Magnus had asked her for a real estate agent. But Magnus was in the infirmary and couldn't make it to that appointment today and Alec wouldn't leave his side for a house visit. The apartment could wait, but he was looking forward to starting this new phase of his life with Magnus. So it was 1 to 1 when he stood in front of the door of the loft and was about to knock, when it swung open and Mozart's symphony came towards him.

Lorenzo had already expected him, charming isn't? It's one of Mozart's lesser-known works, but certainly one of my favorites. You should have seen the look on Wolfgang's face when I told him what I really thought about his Mass in C minor," he bluffed to Alec. But Alec didn't have time for this small talk, they both knew that they would never be friends in this and possibly in any other life. "We need to talk" Alec said and tried to make his voice sound as calm and controlled as possible. "Hang on. This is the best part." He just wanted to provoke Alec, no they wouldn't even be friends in another dimension. Alec switched off the music to show him the urgency of his visit. "What can I do for you, Mr. Lightwood? he asks and takes a sip from his martini. "Magnus has fallen ill as a result of the magic you gave him" Alec told him. "I did warn your boyfriend of the risks involved. He assured me he could handle it" Lorenzo replied visibly unmoved. When he poured himself a second drink. "Well he can't. And I would appreciate if you would take the magic back." Alec said in a thoughtful tone. "Yes, I'm sure you would appreciate that. But he brought this upon himself. Not my fault the pompous old warlock falls by his own hubris." Lorenzo was amused by Magnus' pain and Alec knew that he had no intention of helping them. But why? "Why? Why do you hate him so much? he asked without understanding. "It's simple. All my life, I've had to sit by and watch while the world lavished praise on Magnus Bane. The prodigy. The High Warlock who could do no wrong." Lorenzo said bitterly. So that's it Alec thought, he was insecure and jealous. "Green isn't becoming on you, Lorenzo," he simply stated. "You have no idea how hard I've had to work for everything that I have" he hissed and put his glass down. Before he continued. "That man was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. His celebrity is not based on talent. It's nepotism. Alec felt the rage crawling up in him and with each of Lorenzo's words it was harder to suppress them. "Lorenzo, you're right about one thing. Magnus is beloved. And when word gets out that you wouldn't help him, purely out of jealousy, how would you think the other warlocks are gonna feel?" Alec said as he walked up to Lorenzo to underline the threat in his voice. But Lorenzo remained unimpressed and said: "I guess we'll find out, won't we?" The fuse in Alec's head blew, how could this cockroach even dare. He would have loved to go for Lorenzo. "You bastard. I swear, I will..." But Lorenzo interrupted him annoyed. "You'll what? he asked unimpressed and shot Alec with a clenched load of his magic towards the exit. "I believe we're done here. You can show yourself out." Alec knew that his last visit by Lorenzo was also part of Lorenzo's rage against Magnus. Anger, anger didn't get him any further, he had to convince Lorenzo at all costs. Magnus' life was at stake and he would beg on his knees if he had to.

"You've never been in love, have you?" Alec asked desperately. Lorenzo must have loved someone at least once in all those years. Alec had to remind him. "I'm over 300 years old. Of course I have. More times than I care to admit" Lorenzo said cool. Alec saw his chance and slowly walked towards Lorenzo again. "Well, for me, it's only one. Magnus," he said and looked at Lorenzo as he went on. "He is my world. And if he dies..." Alec sobbed, who now found it hard to keep his feelings under control. He didn't care if Lorenzo saw him that way, saw him the Head of the New York Institute so vulnerable. He didn't care if he ridiculed himself and he didn't care that he just revealed his greatest weakness. Alec raised his hand to a defensive position when he said, "Look, Lorenzo, he's no threat to you. Okay? He doesn't have his powers." His eyes filled with water and a tear ran down his face as he begged Lorenzo. "Just please... Please help him"

Alec left the loft with Lorenzo's word to help Magnus. A cool breeze blew in his face and dried his last tears. The heated conversation had given him two more points on his imaginary list. To show oneself so vulnerable to someone and to reveal oneself. Showing oneself as one in front of two different worlds, a unity that nothing and nobody could destroy.

PRO:

- Start a family, after all, there are many other options these days

CONS:

- The Clave doesn't like to see Shadowhunters and Downworlders getting married. It's not forbidden, but since The Clave is mainly interested in making more shadowhunters, it's a bit frowned upon to marry a warlock or a vampire, because they can't have children.

Even though deep inside I always knew that I was gay, I had always imagined a family with children. I could have imagined them with Lydia too, even though the thought of having sex with her made me freak out a little. Lydia is great but still a woman. Maybe the Clave would agree to an adoption for a Shadowhunter or a Downworlder baby? The Mundane couples have to be married as far as I know if they want to adopt... Would an adopted child even like me? With Madzie it's always wonderful and children love Magnus anyway. But maybe Madzie was a exception. Well they'll like at least one of us. So the biggest problem would be the Clave. For whom I'm already a thorn in their eyes, the gay head of the New York Institute, who is in a relationship with a Downworlder. So what, fuck that point. I really hope that Magnus also wants children. I think he's born to be a dad. He has so much patience and love to give. He has travelled so many countries and lived through so many decades, he would certainly have great good night stories. Him and I as parents, who could teach our children love and tolerance. To pass on our views and values and to show the world that there is another way. That diffrent doesn't mean weird or wrong, but that the world view is outdated and wrong. And it's on us to start change that.

The Clave always had such weird rules. In the past, Alec wouldn't have noticed the inconsistencies. He obeyed orders blindly without questioning them. But now, why did they make rules they disapproved anyway? And have they ever thought that two same-sex shadowhunters and downworlder would want to get married? Because Alec didn't know if that was possible at all. But he knew something else, no matter how, he and Magnus would one day start a family together. Alec had never asked Magnus if he wanted to have children, but somehow it was a logical step, wasn't it? Or was Alec once again too far with his thoughts and wishes? He was walking past a playground and saw all the Mundane mothers playing with their toddlers. A dream he had dreamed so many times, before meeting Magnus. Changing his children's nappies, teaching them to walk and fight and attending their first shadowhunter rune ceremony. All those things, those kitschy things he had wished for were not graspable before Magnus, but now. Now he suddenly had the chance to make all his dreams become real, with the man of his dreams. And before any of this could come true, Magnus had to wake up. He increased his pace again because he wanted to be the first thing for Magnus to see when he opened his eyes.

Alec was sitting on the uncomfortable chair in the institute again, his butt was slowly strating to hurt but he didn't care. He saw Magnus' eyelashes start to twitch. "Magnus, can you hear me" Alec asks. Magnus blinks and slowly opens his eyes. "There you are. Hey," Alec said pleased. Magnus is still a little confused and Alec gently turns his head with his two fingers in his direction. Magnus chuckles when he sees Alec. "There you are" Magnus repeats and pats gently and awkwardly Alec's cheeks. "Yeah" Alec replies smiling. "What happened?" Magnus asked, still slightly dazed. Alec tried to explain it to him as simple and gently as possible. "Oh, well you got very sick. But everything's gonna be okay." Magnus tried to sit up and Alec got up quickly to help him. Just hold on. Here, let me get that for you." Alec said lovingly. Magnus tried to play the whole situation down again when he joked: "Oh I could get used to this type of treatment. Oh but definitely not to this wardrobe." Alec realized that Magnus wasn't aware of how serious the whole thing was. "Right. Let me get you a change of clothes" he said and wanted to get going. "No, no need" Magnus said and raised his hand to use his magic. "No!" Alec screamed full of panic and healed Magnus' hand so that he couldn't use his magic. "Alexander, what..." Magnus began irritated as his gaze wandered to the door and he noticed Lorenzo. "What's he doing here?" he asked even more astonished. Alec took a deep breath to explain everything to Magnus: "Using Lorenzo's magic is what got you sick. Catarina says that if you use the magic again, even a little bit, it could go horribly wrong. The only way for you to get better is for Lorenzo to take the magic away." He looked away at Magnus and hoped to see an understanding for all this in his eyes but Magnus only replied: "Oh. No, Caterina's just being overly cautious. Trust me, I feel fine." Alec should have known it. Of course, Magnus wasn't aware of how narrowly he escaped death. He had to tell him everything. "No. can we just get a minute, please?" he said and looked at Lorenzo, who had only observed the whole situation pitifully. "No! I'm not getting rid of my magic. Magnus screamed angrily. Why was he so stubborn? Alec had to make him understand how dangerous it was to leave the magic in his body. He didn't want his nightmare to suddenly become reality.

Magnus got up angrily and went for his clothes himself, he stood demonstratively with his back to Alec. But Alec just stood quietly next to him and waited until he had dressed before telling him exactly what had happened. He wasn't sure if Magnus was just pretending he didn't realize how dangerous this magic was for him. "Magnus, you stopped breathing." Alec began. "Your heart stopped. I thought you were gone." Magnus's anger vanished slowly. He hadn't know it had been so bad. "I'm so sorry for scaring you. I was clearly adjusting to Lorenzo's magic and I must have overextended myself." He turned to Alec with a smile to show him he was serious: "I promise, I'll be more careful from now on," he said before returning his attention to his shirt. "It doesn't matter how careful you are. As long as you have Lorenzo's magic, you'll be living with an axe over your head" Alec contradicted. What was wrong with Magnus? "Oh, could you stop being so morbid?" Magnus said when he turned back to Alec. The two men clearly talked past each other. "Look, I know how important magic is to you, but is it really worth dying for it?" Alec tried again. But Magnus didn't answer. "Magnus, answer me." Alec asked again with insistence and full of fear of the answer. Magnus said "Maybe" without turning around and Alec was stunned. "How can you even say that? Alec asked. Magnus now looked at him again and Alec saw the anger, the self-hatred and the fear in his eyes when he said: "I'm nothing without my magic. "You fell in love with Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Can you honestly say you don't feel differently about me?

Look at me! Can you honestly say you like this?" he asked in disbelief and disgust as he pointed to his body. Alec was slowly getting desperate, he had to convince Magnus that he loved him even without his magic. "Yes. Your powers were incredible, but that's not why I felt in love with you. I..I..fell in love with you because you're wise a..and you're generous and you're brave and you're incredible" Alec stammered. The feelings overcame him, why couldn't Magnus see it? Why didn't he see how unbelievable he was? Alec continued: "I just... When you walk into a room, there's a spark in you, magic or not, th..tha..that lights up everything and everyone around you. "A..aaa..and... Hey!" he grabbed Magnus by the arm who was about to turn away. Alec didn't know what to say anymore. He only knew one thing he couldn't live without Magnus! When Magnus looked at him again Alec said desperately the last thing he still knew: "I won't lose you. I can't." The room was tense and they just looked at each other. And finally Alec saw it in Magnus' eyes. He got through to Magnus.

When Lorenzo left the room after the withdrawal of the magic, of course not without clarifying that he would keep the loft. Alec noted down his last two pros and cons.

PRO:

- I love him

CONS:

- Magnus would rather die than live without his magic

The last two reasons he noted down were the ones that weighed most heavily on him. So he sorted the list in his head again and prioritized these last two reasons. He loved Magnus more than anything else there was no doubt. But Magnus wasn't sure if he could live on without his magic or if he wanted to. Alec hears the echo of his words in his head, again and again: "I am nothing without my magic."

Yet I don't understand it. I thought I understood it, how dependent Magnus is on his magic. That I understand his pain. But I'm not a warlock and no matter how hard I try I will never fully understand what Magnus is going through. I keep trying to compare it with the Parabatai bond of me and Jace. If Jace died in a fight, I would feel incomplete and like a stanger a nobody without this bond. A part of me would die and be lost forever. And yet I would never prefer my own death than a life with Magnus. At least I hoped that this thought was true.

This thought ignited the little hope he needed. The hope that Magnus didn't mean it as seriously as he had said it before. That deep down inside his love for Alec was stronger. So it was 3 to 3, equal. No matter how often he went through the list he came to a single decision.

PRO:

- I love him

- It was a promise for eternity, a promise to be at his side forever

Start a family, after all, there are many other options these days

CONS:

- Magnus would rather die than live without his magic

It didn't matter what was on the contra side of his list, as long as his love for Magnus was at the top of the pro side. He loved Magnus and that outdid all other reasons."I have everything I need, right here." Magnus had said it aptly. And this one reason was the most important one. And therefore he, Alexander Gideon Lightwood would ask Magnus Bane to marry him.

Alec looked through the window of the small library his mother had bought and took a deep breath. On the way there two pros and contras came to his mind. He didn't put them on the list because his decision had already been made but they were still haunting around in his head.

PRO:

- He'd have my last name, Magnus Lightwood-Bane

CONS:

- He could say no, and I would completely embarrass myself

I think everyone is a bit afraid of this scenario when planning a proposal. Even though I know that Magnus loves me, there is a risk that he will reject my proposal. It could be one of my reasons on the contra column or a completely different one and I think I wouldn't only be sad but it would also be really embarrassing for me. Embarrassing because I'm so impatient, but who doesn't dare doesn't win. And therefore I won't initiate everybody in what I intend to do and try to plan the whole thing in a small scale if not even alone. Hiding it from Jace will probably be the hardest, as he will feel my nervousness for sure, so if he asks me I'll just tell him. Maybe for once he even has a good tip for me. Or could tell me if Alec Bane sounds silly?

Alec opens the door and enters the book store. "Hi" he said and walks to greet his mother. Maryse turns to him and smiles as she greets him: "Alec. What a nice surprise! The two embrace and Alec looks around as he says, "I thought I'd actually stop by and see the place." "Im proud of you." Most of the shelves were already dusty and the books had been rearranged. "Thanks. It's really coming together, isn't it? Maryse said radiantly. Alec was a bit nervous and answered with a question. "There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about." he burst out. Maryse looked at him uncertainly and tried to interpret his face. "What is it?" she asked, worried. The two sat down when Alec began to tell her: "Uhm..Magnus had a little health scare." Maryse was shocked but Alec spoke quickly. "He's okay, everything's fine, but when it happened, it made me realize how much he means to me, and I.. I.. can't live without him." This sentence made his mother overjoyed. She was so happy that her son found someone who loved him heart and soul just as much as he loved him. What could make a mother happier? "That's what love is" she said with a smile. Alec chuckles. "I'm so happy you two found each other." she said. "Me too." Alec said sheepishly. The question burned on his tongue as he slowly began.

"And I need the family ring." he said and looked at her insistently. Maryse stared back not sure if her son really intended what she was thinking he was intended to say. "I'm gonna ask Magnus to marry me." Alec said after a break and Maryse chuchles overwhelmed. Yes she had thought right. She couldn't believe it and jumped up to pull her son into an intimate embrace. Her son is actually getting married!

#shadowhunters #the mortal instruments #malec #Alec Lightwood #Magnus Bane #Magnus x Alec #stay with me #I am nothing without my magic!#i need the family ring #shtv #shadowhunter spoilers #nephilimdaily

14 notes · View notes

laurelfishbear · 4 years

Text

youtube

His Yoke Is Easy from The Messiah by George Friderich Handel, The Academy of St. Martin In the Fields, conducted by Sir Neville Marriner: I've posted before about one of my most influential choral conductors, who once told me that, "Handel was a German who wrote Italian operas for the English."

He meant far more than English audiences.

It is beyond curious that a race of people so determined to avoid awkwardness that they make every moment more awkward, should interpret this portion of The Messiah with such unfettered joy, and defiance.

Speaking of awkward, the interwebs wil tell you that the lyric here reads, "His burthen is light". But, what is a "burthen"? Is it some kind of burqa for childbearing women? For newborn babies? Or, is it simply some rotten ingredient in the word salad of some semi-literate gatekeeper?

Who knows? Maybe the English was baroque-en.

The truth is, if you want any sense of what these lyrics mean, you have to go to the source -- Jesus Himself, as quoted in Matthew 11:28-30.

Now that you get it, click the link, and crank it up. For your sweater-knitting auntie, for your bullet-journaling frenemy, for every "25 Things ..." blog post, for the Nazis past and present, play this one loud.

Merry Christmas, Baby, Otis Redding: In a season that's so often about temporary glitz and empty promises, it's good to remember that it's not Christmas unless it's got soul.

Redding doesn't bother to hide his anguish here. He's clearly thinking of other Christmases that weren't so merry, wondering if this one, too, will evaporate before his eyes. For someone like this, you shouldn't say it if you don't mean it.

What Child Is This, Paul Horn: With a choir of soprano, alto, and bass flutes, and a primitive octave splitter called a Multivider, jazz titan, Paul Horn (Chico Hamilton Quintet), created one of the least-known but most enduring holiday albums ever recorded.

The big reverb and parallel fifths would put this right at home on any Game of Thrones soundtrack, while the Scotch snaps in the bass give it a sort of traditional Christmas feel. But, his articulation -- so liquid he could almost be scatting -- puts the stamp of a jazzer all over this piece. The whole album is like this -- a heady brew of musical influences.

Christmas In Hollis, Run-D.M.C.: I'm hardly a connoisseur of this genre. What I do remember is this: While the media threatened us with nightmare images of wilding teens, and super predators, super-strengthened by crack, or angel dust, or ... whatever, Run-D.M.C. presented an almost-suburban story of naughty elves, a Christmas miracle, and as much traditional, Southern food as you could eat.

What followed years later was the discrediting of some doctoral candidate's super-predator theory, the acquittal of the so-called Central Park five, and the international exposure of Donald Trump, whose newspaper fanned the flames, as a liar, a bigot, and full-time attention-seeker.

Meanwhile, Run-D.M.C. are probably home for Christmas, rejoicing because they know exactly what's on the menu.

Drosselmeyer's Gifts from The Nutcracker, L'Orchestre de la Suisse Romande conducted by Ernest Ansermet: Let's, once and for all, abandon the notion that The Nutcracker is merely bland, holiday fare for the kiddies. Russian culture -- about which Russia's president seems entirely clueless -- won't let you have that. And it shouldn't.

See, sometimes, we expect more than we should from mere human effort. Sometimes, gifts offer us more fear and frustration than uncomplicated joy.

These are probably good things to remember for those who celebrate the birth of someone who promised, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

Christmastime Is Here, Vince Guaraldi Trio (above): Maybe it's that the melody starts on a note that begs to be resolved. Maybe it's the fact that they never quite hit the high notes on the head. In other words, maybe there was a method to Vince Guaraldi's madness.

None of that satisfactorily explains how a genius of cool jazz got a group of kids to deliver a performance suffused with melancholy.

Way back in 1965, The Vince Guaraldi Trio, and a handful of kids figured out how to say, in the language of music, exactly what Christmas means to some of us. I see you, Linus, and this performance gives me chills every time I hear it.

Gaudete, Steeleye Span: Ah, the 70s!

There's a corner of Twitter where people whose gravest concern was having zits for the Homecoming dance, tell themselves scary stories of How Bad It Was back then, assuming that all who read these dystopian fantasies not only Know What Is Meant, but agree wholeheartedly, with an accompanying shiver down their spines.

Personally, I liked it just fine when kids didn't kill other kids for shutting them out of the in crowd, and English folk rockers could sing a carol about Jesus's birth, a capella, in Latin, taking it to Number 1 on the charts, albeit in their home country.

Do They Know It's Christmas, Band Aid: When this single was released, I was deeply moved, as were many.

Older, ostensibly wiser friends strove to burst my bubble. They counseled that Band Aid's efforts were useless, that food sat rotting on the docks because the organizers hadn't the brains to do it right. Work harder, they said. Make money and spend it. There is nothing else. Your heroes are hopelessly filthy.

No.

See, we have no right to expect humans and human effort to be perfect. Purity culture was as ugly then as it is now.

There's more to life than getting and spending, and Band Aid proves it. The initial effort served as the springboard for major charitable projects by Bob Geldof, Midge Ure, and Bono -- efforts that continue to this day.

"We let in light, and we banish shade", the song goes. It's not just talking about flipping a switch.

Beautiful Star Of Bethlehem, Dailey and Vincent: Number One with a bullet -- or, maybe, it's a Bible. And why?

Because too many conservatives are dreading any kind of overtly-religious end to this countdown, even as they exploit the religious right in a last-ditch effort to grab more money, more power.

Forget about it.

See, physics may be the reason for the season, but Jesus is the reason Christians call it Christmas. All the ideological squeamishness (read: hypocrisy) on conservatives' part won't change that.

So, Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays -- take your pick. May the coming year give you enough courage to use the holiday greetings your conscience dictates, no matter who else is listening.

0 notes