#(probably bc I'm so much worse)

[zukkaoru]

the truth is that if dazai were written as a female character in canon, most of the people who like femzai wouldn't actually like her at all

#i'm being soooo meticulous and careful with my characterization of transfem dazai in this fic and like #truly genuinely honestly if dazai were the same as he is in canon except a girl #she would get VICIOUS hate #and it would probably come from the exact same people who claim to love femzai and fems.kk sooooooo so much #anyway this fic is actually going to make my general distaste towards fems.kk fans so much worse #bc like yes i'm being so careful with my characterization but also it's.. not really that hard #i'm being more cautious about characterizing dazai in this specific no abilities au than characterizing her as transfem #guy s she's still just dazai. she's STILL DAZAI #it's not that hard!!!!!!!!! #okay anyway i'm done now bye #hello grace here

[agentark]

whatever you do, don't imagine a young J Corvin waiting every day at the end of their drive, hoping today is the day the mail carrier finally brings a letter from their very best friend

#i'm personally about to start sobbing #how many letters do they try sending #how long does that sweet gentle soul wait - I actually don't want to know #little too close to home frankly lmao #grandpa i don't CARE that something evil lives in fernweh and wants to eat me or control me or whatever - that's my bestie!! #I just did James's route and this part hurt so much worse #fernweh saga #like J is SO scared to ask MC if they can write this time & they're trying to be SO supportive-- #--of the fact that the last time they tried MC was going through an incredibly difficult time in their life #but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt so badly #and like it's obviously not MC's fault bc they never even got the letters in the first place #but now I want to cry thinking about how my MC hugs James at the police station when they meet again and how he's probably like ??? #my MC missed him and James is like 'weird reaction for someone who couldn't be bothered to write back' #'and shattered my little fifteen year old heart into pieces' #i'm making wild assumptions about the inner workings of J's mind here but anyway #j corvin #all i'm saying is if my best friend was ripped out of my life and I tried writing them I would be religiously checking the mailbox #probably far longer than I should but still trying to hold out hope

[wildflowercryptid]

okay, but why does briar just. fuckin vanish into thin air never to be seen again after indigo disk's main story? like i understand that she mentions that she's leaving to meet with her publisher, but i expected her to come back and i'm kinda sad that she didn't. she's still a teacher at bb academy, too, so why does she just disappear??

#i'm kinda sad about that bc i wanna know more about her #it would've been fun to have her show up in the clubroom and interact with characters #like can you imagine her meeting raifort? a match made in hell they'd make each other so much worse #also sad bc she probably would've given you a phone case like hers as a gift and i kinda wanted that 😔 #mj.txt #sv dlc spoilers #indigo disk spoilers

[storfulsten]

eaouuugh

#corpse husband #amongus #I guess #help me pls #I've forgotten how to draw people that aren't fnf shaped #iiidk brainron not wanting to leave me alone #I know it's just 2 unfinished things plus a weird bean thingamajig but eh #maybe I'm worried if I don't upload I'll procastinate and won't end up producing anything cause I know I won't finish these doodles #and I started to not like the previous corpse attempt much I guess bc the teeth were so lame #so more teeth for better or worse yeehaw #idk if there'll be more corpse art or not tbh maybe I should just doodle more beans cause then I can draw his cute lil friends aswell #like a green sykkuno bean and a red rae bean and the rest aswell maybe ahh the possibilities lol #cause I probably won't draw anyone else otherwise bc learning how to draw more actual people is too much dang effort tbh ha ah well #k will stop rambling about nothing now ok cool #so enjoy more amongus ish corpse attempts or do not it's whatever #among us #I draw what I want #feel free to ignore nws ha #more bombeep and regular stuff soon hopefully fingers crossed #stream 'Never Satisfied' on spotify bc idk good music and also yelling ha #anyways laters k bye

[moregraceful]

Also I deleted the post bc it was a bad version of myself, but I'm gonna say it again, it is bananas to me that Taylor Swift only sang one song off of her self-titled album in the Eras tour movie. like girl you cannot hide from "Tim McGraw" and "Teardrops On My Guitar" even if you were just cosplaying Tennessee country like those songs put you on the goddamn map and this is how you repay them??

#the thing abt the eras tour movie is. it unlocked many opinions about taylor swift's music i didn't realize i had #''is fearless her greatest album'' i asked myself. ''all these songs are bangers i still know all the lyrics'' #no dummy you only know all the lyrics bc your 15yo sister put the house in 24/7 tswift lockdown every time she released an album #these songs are fun but more importantly your sister is 6in taller and an athlete so you didn't control the aux past the age of 17 #i haven't listened to a taylor swift album in full since 1989 was released (when my sister moved out)...some of her newer stuff is fun #don't blame me is pretty good. wish i had not been surrounded by middle schoolers the first time heard it. #but she's got some bangers. DON'T tell me anything about her personal life i don't wanna know and i don't care to learn #(my coworker: ''i forgot she swears so much on reputation and midnights 😭 oh well our kids probably see worse tiktok every day'' #me: 🫠🫠🫠) #also side note my 21yo coworker was like do you ever call our kids ''my kids'' around people and do people get really confused #i was like yes. people think they are my real kids and ask how old my kids are and i say high school and they get kinda worried #she was like yeah....my college classmates asked how old my kids are when i said i was taking my kids to the eras tour movie #and when i told them middle school they got really really alarmed and worried about me #nonprofit work lol. i'm stressed all the time about other people's children. i call them my kids. they all lowkey hate me. life this is it #fresno oilers.txt

[skrunksthatwunk]

went back to the sketchbooks around when i was going through yyh for the first time in 2019 and found a pile of near-yearly sticky note updates about my relationship with the series next to my first yyh doodles, a page full of kuwabaras. thought it'd be fun to share

+ more thoughts and old yyh art below

(it's crazy i didn't find any kurama-centric pages for months bc i think he's the one i doodled in the margins of class notes and stuff the most. his hair's pwetty and he gives me the least trouble outta any of the main 4)

something i noticed while skimming the two sketchbooks i took these from was how mean i was to myself at the time about my art. i guess it hit me more because i don't really spend hours going through my old sketchbooks over and over to track my progress and growth like i used to quite often. i guess it was only a little after when my self esteem was lowest (8th grade, tale as old as time), but... idk. i knew back then that i'd grown a lot in the few years since i started drawing more seriously (that's why i looked through my art so much), but like... i guess that never translated into being nice to myself about it. i ended up going back through about ten more sketchbooks to find more yyh art, and in the coming years i'm glad to say that negativity in the margins went away. hell yeah

but even so, my love for yyh was a constant and effusive thing, as it is now. it's probably the oldest of my current media interests. i watched myself get into rgg and develop my ocs and watched others fade in and out, watched my style loop back on itself and go all over the place, passed by pages of writing about crushes and album releases and gender discoveries and my grandparents dying, all surrounded by little drawings of the characters i love. including kuwabara in a maid dress right next to my dead grandma grief rambling that one time (no i'm not kidding. my grandma died in like late 2020 and the page where i poured my heart out after finding out she was gone just trying to process everything had one with catboy maid dress kuwabara directly opposite it, who i'd drawn like the evening before she died in her sleep. he killed my grandma from like 100 miles away he was that powerful. that wasn't even the last time i drew him like that and i don't even care about catboys or maid dresses much. i think it was just a bigger meme and he was the guy i most associated with cats. i put that man in a situation and he fucking got her because the book couldn't contain him. some victor frankenstein shit. anyway)

i took about 150 pictures, most with multiple sketches. i decided not to add any more though bc 1) i posted some of them on old accounts but i don't remember which ones, and tbh i value my anonymity a little too much 2) All Of The Pictures Turned Out Bad in ways i don't feel like getting into but just trust me it's like 6 layers of fucked up illegible image bullshit 3) i found it hard to narrow it down to things i felt were indicative of the development or interesting or anything like that. idk. i figured it was an interesting exercise for me and it probably wouldn't really mean anything to anyone else. and that's ok :) it was nice anyway. i mostly mention it to be like Oh My God i've drawn these guys a lot and i STILL don't know what i'm doing... :| it's fun

however i did transcribe the notes i left:

7/9/19: yo it's been less than a week & i'm on ep. 80 wtf i love this show

8/14/20: 1/2way thru my 3rd watch (first dub, first [with older sibling]) & honestly still love it & kuwabara being the first one i drew makes me happy

7/28/21: i'm watching it w/ [younger sibling] now! 4th(ish) watch, 2nd time through the dub, which is so much better than the sub really elevates the text. we're at the semifinals of the DT, which means this is technically my 5th time through yyh up until that point but eh semantics anyway i still love & obsess over yyh! <3

1/14/24 (present day): hey, i'm rewatching yyh for the.. idk 5th or 6th time. still love it & never stopped. now i'm writing fic & drawing & posting about it. i have friends i talk to about it. [both siblings] have seen it. so much has changed, and so little, but it made me sad seeing how much i insulted my own art. i love you 2019 me. god knows you needed it

[+ this drawing]:

anyway. forever fornever. if you even care

#that's all. just kind of a personal post i thought was neat. skrunklore #skrunkart #yyh #yu yu hakusho #you can really feel the 14 y/o in a lot of the little notes and stuff but that too is part of the growth and change im trying to celebrate. #ripping my fingernails off about it but it needs to be done #also the hearts are because they love each other. and also me in like a cheering you on kinda way #ok more lore but around jr year i started feeling like my art was getting worse or at least stagnating and i kind of wished i could go back #to the era where a lot of that art is from bc there were little things i was better at and also bc i was much more prolific and adventurous #and while i'm sympathetic to it looking back after another couple of years it's like nah. no i was still growing i was just too close to se #like i'll be like oughh i haven't grown at all in years >:(( and then i'll look at the art i made over the course of 2023 and go oh nvm lol #some of it was more 'getting back into the swing of things' + traditional and tech issues being resolved but there was also growth #there is also stuff to be proud of and there always is and there always will be. that goes for you too reader #no matter what your art does or does not look like. i guess that's part of why im posting this too #part of what got me into visual art was seeing how people's art changed (sketchbook tours). it's cool and seeing that learning process so #well preserved and so easily analyzed kinda activated something in my brain. i think it got me past a lot of the 'im just not talented' #stuff a lotta ppl have that keeps them from drawing or sharing it or whatever. anyway art's cool i love art. gonna go draw now probably :D #ALSO really funny watching the way i drew myself change. all in ways that make sense but still funny to me. long hair glasses girl you'd #probably keel over if you saw what we look like now. hell yeah

[sonego]

can i complain about my life again promise you all won't hate me

#(i know everyone already does most likely so i'll do it and just feel bad about it but) #it's not that i don't love my family and i'm not happy to go back home to have dinner w them and all but #god after like 3 hours i'm already exhausted #i feel bad about it but they're just SO exhausting and this house is SO suffocating #i did it i left i did it. why do i still feel trapped #quite literally can't even stomach watching football rn bc i just wanna sit in the dark under my blanket and fucking. idk. cry maybe #and it makes it all so much worse that it's so painfully obvious my mum is tired and probably sad and surely fed up w my father (and my #brother to a lesser extent) #every time i come home i just wanna say sorry. sorry i left you. sorry you're alone. you're not alone but you're alone against the world #and she dismisses my worrying bc ofc she does and i do the same with her worries we've played this dance all our lives #it's just. how do you let someone worry about you when you both know there's nothing you can do to make it better #when you both know the source of the misery and exhaustion is inescapable #god i wish it was. like. i wish this was a movie. where people actually help you in these situations. where there isn't that BIG big big #obstacle that feels wrong to even call an obstacle but it will always forever make it impossible to do anything about the problem #i wish the people who said they'd help gave even half a shit and actually did (it was their fucking job) #going from sad to angry to hopeless to exhausted every 4 seconds i'm so #the thing is i'm not gonna stop coming back home you know? i'm not i can't #i don't even want to #but i wish it wasn't so fucking soul crushing every time bc i don't wanna keep having tiring tiring weeks #and then go back home on weekends and feel the opposite of rested #ok. i should shut up. sorry. i really don't know why i'm even alive atm #delete later #i never remember to delete these (when i remember to tag them in the first place)

[thatfaerieprincess]

if one more well meaning relative asks me if i have done any drawing recently i will start screaming and flip a table 🤪🙃

#it's not their fault!! it's not!!! I'm known for being The One Who Draws #they usually get updates from my parents sending out pictures of things I drew for assignments for school for years!! they haven't gotten #anything new in a long time!! #it's not their fault to ask hey have u been making anything new?? #but also if one more person asks I'll literally go fucking nuts I will start screaming crying throwing up #I will begin tearing myself limb from limb #especially if it's my grandma who I see literally every week and she in fact knows I have not been drawing #it's worse when she asks bc then it's also with that quiet pity of someone who assumes I probably haven't but hopes that I have #ANYWAY SORRY I JUST HAD TO PUT THIS SOMEWHERE #I'm doing my best and I'm not in a great space and I'm trying real hard to try and figure out who the fuck I am when my entire life isn't #Completeing Assignments #bc since middle school I have been nothing much outside of a Complete Assignments Machine #and I've found ways to bring my humor and my creativity and things I enjoy INTO Completeing Assignments #but I've somehow then learned I can ONLY do these things if they're for Completeing Assignments #and now I have graduated college and I'm trying to get a fucking job and move somewhere new and my life isn't Completeing Assignments anymor #and I haven't relearned how to have creative fun ideas outside of the assignments framework #but I want to get there again #but I need everyone to stop asking me if I have made any art recently #bc I think for a while the answer is going to be no and if it's not no it's gonna be yes but I'll have made something so fucking weird #you're going to wish I had said no and not explained that I was building a dead rat puppet #im a rambling sam

[cilantrospirit]

idk why everyone worries about the IRS hunting them down when these stupid motherfuckers take several days to respond to anything. hello?? I'm trying to give you my money? the thing you want?

#as you can probably tell. I am tired of refreshing my email ON THE 15TH like this couldn't have been done with on saturday #hi yes I have residence in one state and another address in another state. this is very common among people I know #yes my employer pays me at the address I live at while doing this job. duh #yes my ID has the address of the state I live in 60-70% of the time on it. is this not also normal. I have so much paperwork. I am one guy #it's not even complicated I just don't want to have them mail something important to the wrong address bc girl!! #anyway not bringing my laptop to fly over the ocean was apparently a mistake and I should have given myself weeks to do something #that has historically taken 40 minutes. Sad! #obviously I'm being bitchy about this because I'm genuinely stressed and obviously the people fielding these issues are overworked #but none of that should be my fault #I feel like the world's Most Documented bitch sometimes and it makes everything worse and not better somehow #meanwhile if I were the roommate who paid Any utility bill besides garbage this would also be a nonissue. pro tip? #cilantro's life

[animalcrossingshowdown]

Videos of the different versions under the cut:

#animal crossing #misc polls #okay I'm using the NH version of music box songs to keep everything consistent since NH has all the songs #but look up the NL version of dirge music box it's so much better #idk if the other songs change much between games I only noticed this one bc dirge music box is in my halloween playlist #I almost feel like the NH version is so much worse it's unfair but then I'd need to crosscheck all the music box songs #and I don't want to do that #Youtube #okay in the time since I've queued this post I've realized that yes I think they redid all the music box versions for NH #probably because the NL ones don't loop. the music box would stop and close after a while

[adore-gregor]

study smart not hard (altough both is best actually) this saying is so true

#my advice #but this saying is sooo true #i know some people at uni who study for exam so long and hard but then fail or just barely make it :( #like what are you doing? i don't mean this in a mean way but it doesn't have to be this difficult #i don't understand how some people can study for an exam for 2 weeks or even a month and still fail and i don't think they're stupid #or i don't see myself as particulary smart #but i guess they just waste their time a lot and i realized studying effective is so important #now everyone is a bit different and has to find what works best for them but there are certain techniques which are proven to work well #there is so much information on the internet on this look it up seriously #it made my life sm easier i never struggled in uni like i did in school and i get good grades #and if i ever struggled a bit it was because i started so late it was almost impossible to pass 😂 #which is why to do both is still best 😂 #but i actually always made it and i never failed an exam at uni (which i studied for) #(two i was fooled into to just try without studying bc it's easy lol) #i mean i shouldn't speak too soon but i already made it through some of the most difficult of my studies #ofc it depends on what you study how well this works but i'm speaking for myself #i once passed an exam with a B studying only 2 days as one of the best students while others studied 2 weeks #and got worse grades or failed #still studying only 2 days is stupidity don't do it 😅 #so the techniques i find very helpful are ofc exam questions probably the best one #if there are none make your own #then blurting for which there are different ways but i like to just go over a topic and then write down everything i remember #then fill the gaps #quizlet is also great it's an app which allows you to create cards and then tests you in creative ways #videos can be helpful as well for summaries and using summaries in general is normally enough it saves you sm time #normally you don't actually need to know everything but you should be careful it's not a bad summary leaving out too much 😅 #and i also like mindmaps bc i'm a very visual person #but all those tipps are mostly for remembering information so it doesn't work so well for other fields of study #well i hope this is somewhat helpful idk 🙈 #oh and reading texts over and over again is the most useless in my opinion i don't remember much at all and it takes sm time

[aewrie]

'once a week or more' well rip

my default state of being when i'm not having a bad day is a little tired & nursing a budding headache. i have a headache right now that i'm ignoring

is this going to be another of those 'there is no such thing as a 'mild' concussion, if you hit your head bad enough to black out it is a concussion' lmao???

i get headaches from fucking everything. weather/air pressure (low and high). low/high blood sugar or too rapid changes there. too bright/dim light (at home i am specific about my lights/curtains at different points of the day/depending on how bright it's outside to avoid these). rapid repetitive/jarring physical motions (just jumping a little can be enough/make it worse). muscle tension. doing stretching/exercise that gets blood really flowing. lack of and/or bad sleep, or too much sleep. getting (strongly) emotional. caffeine (a new exiting one! only started regularly drinking coffee fairly recently. how much caffeine is too much is a fucking mystery though). i should wear glasses (myopia, not too severe) but i avoid it unless i need to see that far that well in part bc the glasses pressing on my temples give me headaches more easily than my eyes being slightly tired does.

i'm probably forgetting a bunch more

but every time i've seen people describe migraines i've thought well mine aren't anywhere near that severe/those specific kinds of headaches so No Way it's that

but. i do have other symptoms on that list? i just never thought it might be related to my headaches bc i'd not seen those mentioned, at least not in a way that i could identify as something i should consider in connection to this, and there's always the huge stress that migraines are always extra super bad to the point that a Real migraine completely disables you for a while. while to me it's. it's annoying, it hurts, if it's particularly bad it can make things more difficult but not impossible/near impossible; just, a general It's Not That Bad, therefore normal and i should just deal with it

#i should probably try to keep a diary of this crap for a while #i am looking at additional symptom lists from should-be-reliable sources and it's not looking great #yourebablingjulle #best part is i actually mentioned this offhand to a doctor once a few years back while discussing other stuff and he basically went #yeah it's normal some people just get headaches more easily #not sure how i phrased it or if he understood how frequent my headaches are #work stress definitely contributes so it's gotten worse since that time period tho #i often avoid painkillers or strategically schedule taking them bc otherwise i'm having them near constantly #most notably i might bear through a few hours of a semi-bad one if i know i need it later to be able to sleep ok #(not too common but it happens) #bc at their worst they do fuck with my already sketchy ability to sleep #melatonin thankfully works for me and it is a lifesaver #one other thing i know works is acupuncture but one session costs almost as much as a year's supply of melatonin and that Not affordable #(i had ~a year while recovering from depression/burnout where i could have ear acupuncture done weekly without having to pay for it #figured that if nothing else i get to chill for a bit on a regular basis. scheduled no-stress time. #when the nurse was unavailable at times and couldn't do it i realized i slept noticeably better when i got my ears poked regularly)

[ey-there-little-guy]

hmmm thinking of,,, this g/t spin on a fic idea i had. might just stay a concept but... god AU c!tntduo with god of the moon g!wilbur and t!quackity who's fiances left him. very heartbroken very angry just speaking his woes to the night sky like he's been prone to.

and g!wilbur up there in the sky, having listened to every rant listening to this one with a dreamy sigh like "i could make him better".

Tommy (fellow god of the sun) would pop in with something like "if anything, you'd probably make each other worse." or "oh my gods Wil you're such a wierdo— just go talk to him already if you're gonna be like this again, you're holding up my fucking sunrise."

quackity was not expecting, the night after his broken engagement, for the god of the moon to show up outside his balcony over 50 feet tall to... ask him out? is that what's happening??? what the fuck do you mean you've been listening to me—

so. yeah there's a few issues, these guys have problems, but it'd probably be funny.

#dsmp g/t #mcyt g/t #dsmp gt #giant!wilbur #tiny!quackity #giant!tommy #this isn't my usual duo but i was kinda just... rotating it in my head #cquackity is such an interesting and messy guy. so is cwilbur. even with the changes of the au setting it's like. hmm rotating them faster #cquackity whose relationships always fall through. leaving him in the dust and hurting. #he gets mad he gets sad he clings to a semblance of control and doesn't even get that really #cwilbur 'psycho-competitive relationship' soot. and who when he loves someone or places his worth in something. something something. #it effects him greatly. he has to be right do things right be The Best. it sure hit hard when he wasn't #idk im probably off or not making sense. i'm no wilbur or quackity main. #that's not even mentioning whatever the fuck they have going on together because that's a whole other analysis #THE POINT IS. THIS AU CHANGES SOME OF THAT DYNAMIC. and it could be good or bad or sdklfjklsffgdfjls #is it some kinda prelude to a greek tragedy to have a giant god be your rebound? or is it a fucking hilarious sitcom with healing? #t!quackity flipping off fate for the shit hand dealt to him. with some form of g!found family #or t!quackity's life getting even worse after fucking it up with a god. #g!wilbur being Too Much and fumbling and scaring quackity off #or g!wilbur being absolutely elated bc he can finally talk to and hold the human of such a tragic life who he somehow is infatuated with #if anyone wants to be incomprehensible about this with me or add to it feel free to send asks if you want lol #idk why im tntduo posting. their allotted blorbo time ig :]

[ofcrossrcads]

oh

#( σut σf cσntrαcts || ooc ) #health tw #negativity tw #// none of y'all better be in these tags I just need to scream somewhere where I won't worry anyone #// I've been having moderate to severe pain in the heart-ish area on and off for a bit now #// but like it's getting worse and more frequent #// I've survived a heart attack before but like holy shit now is not the time #// I have so much to get done before the con and then there's the con itself #// I'm going to be SO FUCKING MAD if I have another goddamn heart attack before the con #// also I am very pointedly Not Going to the doctor because I'm pretty sure something is wrong and I can't afford to be in the ICU #// until AFTER galaxy #// Dom and Tim and Emily are going to be there and #// I'm gonna ask Dom to write “I'm here and I stay” for me for a tattoo #// bc that scene is so powerful #// anyways I'm probably having a cardiac event of some sort because OW but I don't have time for that so no I'm not #// I have shit to DO #// no time to die until December lmfao

[daffythefox]

those small jokes and jabs some people will make at you when you’re friends with them like. they just wear me down so much. like I could have a face up for multiple hours and be relatively fine and then they could start doing that (like. I mess up slightly and they make a joke at my expense, or someone points out something I’m sensitive about for a joke, or someone makes a joke where the punchline is “hey you seem like you’re barely holding in your emotions) all of a sudden it’s nine times the work to be out and social without acting like a total dick (shooting back with something that plays on their insecurities as well so they sill stop pressing me) or having to leave because I’m about to break down, which is incredibly embarrassing and makes me feel like I’m just making a show so other people will feel guilty (not that I’m worried they will feel guilty, I’m worried they will think I will want them to feel guilty and that they will see me as lesser for that instead). “get something you’re fine with people joking about so they will make jokes about that and it won’t hit you as hard” why are you entitled to being able to make jokes at my expense? maybe I don’t want you to make fun of me at all!

#actually npd #anything I can perceive as criticism #also when you're in that state and people will like. go easy on you or make consolations so you feel better #that makes me feel SO MUCH WORSE #like just fucking treat me normal and I'll calm down #no 'hey are you ok?? you seem really wound up :(' in front of EVERYBODY #and I'll have to either fake good enough to be able to convince the others I'm fine (which is impossible #bc it's in their heads that you're not fine and at that point you probably don't have a good enough face to fool everybody) #or I'll take a jab at them like 'really? i seem wound up? gosh! you have amazing observational skills. someone needs to get you a medal!' #which subtly tells them to DROP THE SUBJECT #bc if you don't I'll CONTINUE BEING RUDE TO YOU #no but sometimes that also doesn't work and they keep pressing and that's when I have to step away or bluntly change the subject #and then i also hold a grudge against them for doing so when they were probably just concerned about my well-being #they just didn't get the (albeit relatively obvious) social cues #that's not their fault but it is also incredibly annoying in the moment bc it is causing me to continue spiraling #a bit of a vent #also merry christmas #me when i

[daz4i]

how is it. that for a whole week. the house smelled fine, and other than some dust and cat hair it was really clean too, and everything was organized and easy to find with no towers of dishes in the sink about to topple over. even tho i didn't clean that much or do anything out of the ordinary to keep the house this way. but now my parents have been home for like 3 days and already every room except for mine is inhospitable from how bad they all smell, and there's mess all over, and the table is constantly sticky, and the sink is somehow full yet barely has any dishes in it bc the way they're organized is so ineffective, and i hate it here i wanna leave so bad

#i know i probably can't run a place in the long term on my own. but. neither can they apparently!!!!! damn!!!!!!!! #idk if it's been getting worse recently or if my patience just runs thinner lately #the way they live is just incompatible with me and my needs really #ough ough ough i need to move out. I'm so scared. but it'll be good for me probably. #I'm just fantasizing abt a clean apartment. no sticky surfaces. no bad smells. mmmmm #vent #sorry i had to clean my brain out. it did help tho. i needed to complain abt this shit 😭 #today has been awful in part bc of that. the constant bad smells that stick to everything. the inability to do things when i need to #this shit makes me literally unable to function on even the most basic levels... like i didn't really eat or move much bc i felt so bad #i have an easier time when I'm alone. life becomes easier to handle when i can do it on my own terms #but I'm so scared 😔 and I'm stressed about the process of getting there too #maybe this is the reason I'm having stress nightmares these days idk. i need to send some files for that. but I'm too scared