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#(from beartown)
broresteia · 3 months
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i am. going thru it.
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fuckyeah-bears · 7 months
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it'd be really fucking nice to just feel and like things a normal amount. but nooooo my neurodivergent ass really gotta just fall madly and obsessively in love with fictional characters and then have unhealthy levels of emotions over them and how fucked up and sad their lives are
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So, like every other stupid pers9n, I read the winners fully aware that i will be destroyed, taken apart like a riffle and dumpted into a lake ( too soon?)
Anyhow. I have so many thoughts, it's wild.
First. BENJI. my whole soul was trembling and aching from the first page. And the knowing of what will happen still didn't stop me from hopping in some twisted way that it might not hold true. I read once that the reason we read tragedies, despite knowing how terribly they end, it's becose we always hold the hope that maybe,just maybe, this time, things will turn differently (that was from a post about hadestown, but let's not go into the details). So despite knowing it was futile, i hoped something will be different, that all that foreshadowing was an elaborate ruse. But somehow... there comes some semblence of piece with knowing the end. With hoping that if there is even a heaven out there, it's for people like him. And it's all full of frozen lakes to skate on and fish zero fish from and all that.
That being said, I have to tell you i cried so much i ended up with a headache. Because this whole book is a testament to so much love and so much hate it's unbelievable.
I never felt as protective over a character as when i heard that peter was threatened to go to prison. Because I love peter. He makes croissants for his wife and bread that covers all the counters in the kitchen and he just wants to feel needed.
And I love how this trilogy is so full of circles. Peter and Alicia the most beautiful one of them all. But also, Zachall and her one time number 16, Maya and the bass singer, amat and the hollow, the baptism of sins through cathedrals. All of it. There is so much violence and injustice and so many people that commit so many wrongs. And despite all of it or maybe exactly for and because of it, there is so much love sipping through each crack. There is a boy named Vidar born in the middle of the forrest. Ana is saving and world. Teemu has a child that hates hockey. The Ovich family can still breathe and hold on to each other. The cherry tree blossoms.
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“He always thought he was the bad guy in all stories, the real heroes always do, that’s why stories about boys like him never end with them growing old. Stories about boys like him only end with us no longer dreaming of time machines, because if one was ever invented in the distant future, it would have already been used to travel back here by someone who loved him.
There are so many of us.”
The Winners, Fredrik Backman
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nope-nora · 1 year
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when fredrik backman said “she suffers for being so organized—if you show you’re capable, you get even more to do, that’s the curse of being a smart girl.”
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lia-bookrambles · 10 days
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Wdym I'm on Chapter 40 of The Winners and not yet halfway through the book???
The last previous 2 books had ~50 chapters 😭 How much heartache does Backman think a reader can take????
.... a fuckload, that's for sure
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bowyooo · 1 year
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⚠️ beartown the winners spoilers ahead
i’ve just finished reading the winners today and i’m honestly completely crushed and devastated
i enjoyed the trilogy so much, it brought me so much happiness that i don’t know what to do now. now when my happiness was ripped out of my fingers
i wanted to stay in this story for a while but i don’t know if i can. it feels like with benji i’ve lost a friend of mine. it hurts so much, imo it was very cruel to give a hint on the first page then set up a hope for a happy ending and just take it away.
i really need to find a way to cope because now i can’t even do anything
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letthebookbegin · 1 year
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🍀 for the book rec ask game!
thanks for the ask! i'm going to give you anxious people by fredrik backman. backman is such an evocative writer, i'm usually not that into contemporary books but i've loved each and every single one of the books he's written. he's got a way of making you feel for the kost mundane of characters in a way that makes you realise no one is mundane - makes you love humanity for what it is, for the love and empathy that exists in most people, if you stick around long enough to look. this book begins with a failed bank robber taking all the people in an apartment-viewing hostage, and takes a look at how the people inside begin to open up as the pressure mounts.
send me an emoji for a book rec
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Alright y’all I’ve been in the fucken soup lately with life and I know I have not posted a damn thing about the winners yet. I’ve read and reread it (and been emotionally destroyed by it, thanks) and have many MANY thoughts but next to no spoons or time currently. But I will one day. I swear I will.
For now I’m just gonna spam everyone real quick with the rest of my first impressions posts (I tracked them in my notes app on my first read through but never got around to actually posting them to tumblr lmao)
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literaturebf · 2 years
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okay so he's leaving. amazing perfect im going to crawl into a hole
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cloudslinger · 2 years
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what do you mean i don't practice extreme sports? suppressing my tears while reading a fiction novel is my idea of extreme sports, fuck you!
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jackleopard · 11 months
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once again thinking about benjamin ovich
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earnestlyeccentric · 1 year
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The Winners (Beartown #3)
The Winners (Beartown #3)
Author: Fredrik Backman Translated by: Neil Smith Rating: 5/5 It’s been two years since the incident, the incident people of Beartown still feel uncomfortable acknowledging. Now, Beartown and Hed see the worst storm yet where changes are being orchestrated and truths dug out right beneath everyone’s noses. Spoilers ahead. (more…)
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rootbeerworshiper · 2 months
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Under the Table
Reader x Matt Sturniolo
summery: you’re left with no choice but to tutor the star hockey player, Matt Sturniolo, but as much as you pride yourself on not being into hockey players, not even you can resist.
warnings: smut!!!! fem!recieving, unprotected sex (reader on birth control), dumification kink if u squint, dom!matt, male!receiving, slight aftercare, fluff, yeah guys idk
love, sienna <3
being an english major at Boston University was no easy feat.
you were constantly engulfed in numerous amounts of homework, from essays to poetry analysis, you were swamped.
money wasn’t something that you grew up from, and with the large amounts of school work piling up, you didn’t have time for a job.
so when your professor mentioned tutoring, you were sold.
english was always something you were naturally good at and you prided yourself on keeping the same grades you had in high school while in college.
tutoring can’t be that hard right?
wrong.
you had put out a few flyers that offered your services and the one person who took you up on that offer was none other than Matt Sturniolo.
although the two of you went to the same high school you had never spoken outside of a couple class assignments—this was more than okay with you.
Matt fit the description of a dumb popular jock to a tee, and you considered the fact that he got into the same college as you unfortunate.
after hours of hard work and effort went into your acceptance, the last thing you needed to see was a post from your highschool congratulating the Matthew Sturniolo on his D1 scholarship to the school.
hockey was a pretty big part of New England but it was never a sport that spoke to you, well not that most sports did.
the entire atmosphere of hockey boys was enough to give you the ick and yet here you are, sat alongside the schools top player, trying to get him to form an essay.
“you have to have an argumentative statement, something to base the whole essay off of and interest the reader” you state, trying your best to not get annoyed at the clueless boy.
he stares at the blank google doc. “well what am i arguing?”
you sigh. this was harder than you thought. “the main theme of this essay is supposed to be on complexity. you chose ‘Beartown’ as your independent novel so you have to argue how the text is complex, or what makes it so complex.”
it was like talking to a toddler, the information going in one ear and out the other. “i can’t write the essay for you Matt”
he groans. “why not?”
you think for a second, once again attempting to not get frustrated. “the story is told from multiple perspectives right?” he nods. “why might that be more complex than a story just told from one?”
it’s clear he’s thinking, and you just hope what you said made sense. “well adding more perspectives would make it like complex because it builds a story that has layers”
subconsciously you smack his arm out of excitement. “yes! there you go. in better words you have your statement to build this essay off of”
you’re heart melts at his smile in response.
sure, you hated his guts, but you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t incredibly hot.
it’s difficult to peel your eyes off of him as he maintains eye contact with you, but you have work to do, and you won’t be yet another girl who grows infatuated with Matt Sturniolo—you just won’t.
the next few sessions were as normal as they could be.
it wasn’t easy to keep him on topic, he was always distracted by something.
sometimes he just looks at you, and you weren’t entirely sure how to feel about it—often diverting the conversation to something else.
trying to get him to understand poetry was a whole new headache.
you had spent hours in the library at this point after finally completing the dreaded essay, now crafting an analysis on different poems.
if you hadn’t picked such a comfortable outfit for this session you’d probably hate your life right now—so you mentally thank yourself for choosing a sweat suit.
to say you were both exhausted would be an understatement.
trying to teach a hockey boy the importance of the placement of words on a page and why capitalization can help emphasize certain points was tiring—you could tell he was tired too by the way he buried his face in his hands periodically.
“maybe we should just call it a night” you say, closing your laptop and yawning.
the last thing you expected was for him to disagree. “no wait i really need this done for tomorrow’s class it can’t be late. if i fail this class i can’t play in playoffs”
right. how could you forget the beloved hockey player will miss out on the big game if you don’t help him.
“i’d stay and help you but the library closes in ten minutes so there’s not much more we can do” you reply, already defeated.
Matt however has more ambition to complete this assignment than you expected. “we can go to my dorm”
you give him a look of slight disbelief. “your dorm?”
he just nods excitedly. “yeah my roommates out of town right now and we only have like 2 more poems left. it’s perfect”
“i don’t know Matt i’m tired” you sigh. not only were you tired but the idea of being in a college boys dorm was not the most appealing.
the eyes he gives you might be the death of you. “please?” you rub your forehead with your hand as if to release tension. “i’ll buy you red bull”
you smile at this. “fine. but i can’t be out for forever”
“you won’t be i swear. i’ll be so dialled in” he smiles. a sight that you are more than okay with seeing.
the walk to his dorm is short, with a stop at the campus confectionery for two sugar free red bulls.
not a lot is said as you enter the main building, walking through the halls as you near Matt’s room.
he goes to open the door but pauses. “don’t judge the decorations in here”
you smile at this, expecting something along with lines of hockey sticks taped on the walls. but what you were met with was much different.
there’s white christmas lights strung on the wall and shelves filled with numerous books and journals. all the furniture was a cohesive shade of brown and alongside the hockey posters were different vintage prints.
in the least weird way possible, you were jealous of his dorm. “this is not what i was expecting” you gawk as he shuts the door behind you.
it’s visible how embarrassed he is so you do your best to shut that down. “i love it actually, if you showed this to any of my friends they’d assume that i decorated it”
he smiles now but doesn’t touch on his ‘girl english major’ room decor tendencies. “uh i’ll just clear off the desk here and then we can get to work, you don’t want the overhead light on do you?” he asks, immediately earning a shake of the head from you.
so now you’re sat next to him, opening your laptop in the midst of the dim lit room as you sip on the red bell purchased by the brunette. “okay where do you want to start? you have two more poems to analyze”
he just rubs his eyes. “you pick”
getting him to focus would be an impossible task “if you’re too tired we can stop or-“
he shakes his head immediately, as if to wake himself up. “no i’m good to keep going, just need a sec to wake up” he defends.
“okay we’ll start with this one then, do you wanna read it?” you look to the tired boy.
“can you? i’ll listen i swear” you groan but agree, it’s been a long day and you don’t want to push him too much.
so you begin reading. “you must not wonder, though you think it strange” he places his hand on your thigh almost immediately. “Matt”
“keep reading, don’t worry about me” he leans into you slightly more, looking at the words on the screen over your shoulder, his breath hot on your neck.
“to see me hold my louring head so low” you continue, his hand inching closer to your centre.
normally you’d be against this—you’d be standing up and telling him off.
but something about the way his hand covers majority of your upper thigh and the smell of his breath has you insane.
so you try your best to focus on the words, not the pooling wetness in your underwear. “And that my eyes take no delight to range” he places a kiss to your neck—so incredibly gentle it could make your skin crawl.
you let out a sigh, trying to avoid throwing your head back as his hand makes contact with your clothed clit. “keep reading baby cmon”
you do as you’re told. “About the gleams on which your face do grow” he kisses down your neck now as his hand increases his gentle pressure.
subconsciously you buck your hips up—eager for more stimulation. “yeah you like that?” he whispers in your ear as you fight back a moan, instead just nodding. “i need words” he takes his hand off, still keeping his face close.
“fuck Matt yes i like it, i need more” you whine, shutting your eyes as his hand toys with the hem of your sweats.
“can i take these off?” he asks, tugging slightly.
you nod eagerly. “please” you lift our hips up and he slides your sweats off, leaving you in your underwear.
his hand roams your lower half, his palm placing pressure on your clit as his fingers explore your clothed entrance. “god your soaked. i knew you’d fall apart under my touch”
there’s the cockiness that normally you hate, right now though? it only turned you on more. “keep reading cmon pretty girl”
you open your eyes to look back at the screen. “the mouse with one hath-“ you let out a breath as his fingers go back to toying with your clit. “broken out of trap”
“not so smart now huh?” he whispers.
you’re a whimpering mess now with the way his thumb rubs small circles on your clit as his mouth places sloppy kisses on your exposed neck. “Matt please i need you”
this must have been enough for him to stop teasing because he immediately stands up, placing your hands on his shoulders as he grabs you legs to pick you up—finally placing his lips on yours.
it’s messy and it’s desperate but it’s also fucking hot.
he leans over, letting your back fall on his bed as he hovers over you.
wasting no time he signals for you to lift your arms as he brings your hoodie over your head, revealing your bare chest. he smiles at this. “such a fucking slut tutoring me without a bra on”
he hovers back over you now, whispering in your ear once more before his fingers begin to toy with your already hardened nipples. “couldn’t focus when i saw your nipples poking out of your hoodie, begging to be touched”
you can’t even reply with words, too focused on the way his thumb grazes your sensitive nipple.
you’re a mess and he’s barely done a thing, already arching into him, but you try to gain focus—if he gets to see you like this you deserve the same.
without words you reach for his shirt, struggling to lift it up as you’re overcome with pleasure.
he knows exactly what you want through, taking his hands off of temporarily, now hovering over you once more.
you can’t help but gawk at his physique. it’s hard to focus on the tattoos when your eyes are drawn to his abs that are extenuated by the dim lighting.
“gonna make you feel so good baby” he begins to make his way down. “you’ve spent so much time on me, gotta make it up to you, yeah?” he kisses your clit through your underwear.
at this point your throbbing. “yes” you spit out.
he pulls down your underwear, leaving you completely exposed for him as he stares at you once more, fully taking in the sight in front of him.
you hide your face with your hands, too embarrassed at the mere vulnerability. “let me see your face baby” you shyly remove your hands, looking up at the boy now—you’re practically begging with your eyes.
“you’re so fucking perfect” he leans back down to give you one more kiss, this one more intimate than the last few. “so much better than my imagination” you giggle at this but before you know it he’s back down where you want him, pushing your legs open as he spits on folds—mesmerized by the way it slides down.
before you can complain again he finally makes contact, licking up the wetness his voice has caused before focusing on your clit.
you’re already incredibly turned on, the feeling of his warm tongue on you causes you to let out an almost uncontrollable moan.
he lifts off, kissing your clit. “shhh baby, i have neighbours” he brings his hand to your mouth and you waste no time sucking on them to muffle your moans.
almost immediately he gets back to work, as if he’s starving for you—and to be fair he might be.
his constant flicking of his tongue on your clit has you whimpering and moving around under his touch—you’re already incredibly sensitive.
it’s like he’s in a trance, giving you his full attention, until momentarily he backs out for air. “wanna cum on my fingers?” you practically moan at his words, nodding frantically. “what’d i say about your words”
his hand continues working on your clit at a slow pace while he speaks. “yes- fuck wanna cum on your fingers” he smiles at this and immediately brings two finger into your entrance, if it weren’t for his hand that immediately covered your mouth the neighbours would be sick of you.
he goes slow at first, hitting your g-spot with every curl of his long fingers. “you’re so good Matt” you moan as he speeds up. “so fucking good”
it’s clear he liked the praise by the way he dips his head back down, his tongue making familiar contact with your clit.
you’re gone. absolutely spent under his touch.
his pace quickens when he feels you clench around him, his tongue forming small teasing circles on your clit while his fingers dig impossibly deeper into you.
“fuck” you throw your head back. “i’m cl- fuck i’m close” his already fast pace quickens, his tongue now applying a pressure to your clit you didn’t know was possible.
before you can even warn him your legs close on his pretty brown hair as you arch your back. it’s practically impossibly to stay quiet, his pace not slowing down at all as you rock your hips through your orgasam.
eventually he pulls back, not wanting to overstimulate you too much.
your practically out of breath from holding back your moans but his face comes to meet yours once more. “you did so good for me” he kisses you before you can reply, the rhythm of your lips together is comfortable.
as great as it is, you can’t help but feel his buldge through his pants on your thigh, so you do what you’re sure he appreciates and you reach your hand down—immediately wrapping your hand around the outline.
he stops kissing you and immediately drops his head to your shoulder and you fingers continue. “you gonna take your pants off or am i making you cum in your underwear”
he chuckles softly at this, but nonetheless gets straight to work sliding off his pants and leaning in to kiss you once more.
you decide to take initiative, flipping him over and immediately straddling him—the look in his eyes is priceless.
if you could take a picture you would. never in your life has someone looked so incredibly fuckable, but here was Matt Sturniolo, laying beneath you with his messy hair and eyes full of lust.
you waste no more time, grinding your hips on his clothed bulge and kissing along his collarbone—the poor boy practically shivers at your delicate touch. “if you don’t do something i swear to god-“ you grab his bulge now, looking at the boy who’s eyes have just squeezed shut.
“what was that?” its unlike you to be dominant, but it’s also unlike you to fuck a hockey player so really all cards were on the table.
you give in though, crawling down to lick his pre cum through his boxers, teasing slightly more before pulling them down all together—the sight is mouth watering.
he’s a mess beneath you as you look at him, his dick is a good size, longer than it is thick, the way his wetness practically glistens on his tip is enough to have you flustered. “cmon pretty girl stop teasing” he says from beneath you, his hands behind his head as he watches you.
you pull your hair back slightly as you place your flat tongue on his tip, making him hiss above you as he uses his hands to keep your hair out of your face.
almost instantly you get to work, taking as much of him as you can, letting your saliva drip down on his length as you slowly lift your head up and down.
his whimpers go straight to your core, your body already begging for more as you swirl your tongue on his tip.
you pop off almost unexpectedly, and speak before he can even say anything. “i wanna ride you” you wipe the saliva off your mouth as you look at the shocked boy who’s smile grows slowly.
“yeah?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows, unsure.
you nod your head sitting up more now to face him. “yeah” you smile and before he can fully reach for his bedside table you stop him. “i’m on birth control” you begin to crawl down leaving kisses on his stomach.
“and i.”
kiss.
“wanna.”
kiss.
“feel.”
kiss
“you.”
his breathing immediately increases as you line yourself up, his hands making their way to your waist to assist you as you lower onto his length.
you let out a breath as you adjust to the size. “fuck you feel so good around me” Matt practically moans out.
it takes a moment for you to adjust fully, but you begin moving up and down and the boy beneath you is a moaning mess.
you rock your hips a little faster, leaning forward now he places his mouth on your nipple and you can feel the way he moans into you—it’s hot as fuck.
it doesn’t take long for you to feel close, and it’s like Matt can tell because he immediately places his hand in between your bodies and places a familiar touch to your throbbing clit.
you pick up the pace, chasing your high. “Matt fuck i’m so-“ you just moan again, unable to speak.
through his many heavy breaths he replies. “me too pretty girl”
a few more rocks of your hips and you feel his warmth fill you up as your stomach feels the familiar clenching feeling, his hand moving quickly beneath you, causing your second orgasam of the night.
by now your both exhausted, tired from doing so much school and well, from fucking too.
you basically plop down beside him, the two of you out of breath.
“i like that form of payment” you joke, causing Matt to nuzzle his head into the crook of your neck while your fingers begin to play with his hair.
you feel his smile on your collarbone and his hand makes its way across your stomach. “guess i’ll have to get tutored by you more often” he sighs, standing up and placing his boxers back on. he walks to the bathroom and you’re confused for a second, but he comes back out with a damp cloth, and begins cleaning the mess the two of you made.
Matt may be a dumb hockey player, but his pros definitely outweighed the cons.
he offers you one of his shirts which you welcome with open arms as you slide your underwear back on. it’s safe to say this is the giddiest you’ve ever felt after a hookup.
now that he’s back in bed you immediately lean into him, as tired as you are you still want to me close to him, wrapping your leg over his waist.
he rubs your bare thigh as he unplugs the lights and kisses the top of our head. “goodnight baby”
you nuzzle yourself impossibly closer to him. “goodnight Matt”
and with that the two of you pass out. the day completely drained both of you, and with the comfort of each other you were gone.
the next morning came by quick, the sun immediately waking you up. the boy next to you is still sound asleep and as cute as ever but the new day means his poetry analysis needs to be completed—for once you weren’t opposed to cheating.
you get up as slowly and quietly as you can, grabbing the laptop off of his desk and bringing it back into bed with you.
it doesn’t take long for you to complete the last two poems, you make sure to use less big words and get a couple things wrong so as to hide your actual identity.
just as you finish writing the last sentence Matt wakes up, tossing and turning slightly before his eyes meet you.
you smile at the sight of the sleepy boy. “good morning, how’d you sleep?”
he brings his arm to your waist, pulling you into him as you place the laptop to the side. “i was knocked the fuck out. what are you up to?”
“may have just finished your poetry analysis” a grin enters your face at the shocked expression Matt shows instantly.
“holy shit really?” he sits up now, hands still on you.
you play with his fingers. “it didn’t take that long or anything”
he scoffs. “i forgot you were a genius” you just kiss him in reply.
“you need to get ready, you have playoffs to train for” you say, you had noticed his calendar had a practice today when you were analyzing his room last night.
a few minutes later and Matt is ready, it really doesn’t take long at all to be a man.
you sit at the edge of his bed, putting on your sweats from last night.
he walks over towards you, hovering over you as he brushes through your hair with his fingers. “i’ll see you tomorrow night yeah?”
you furrow your eyebrows. “what’s tomorrow night?”
“playoffs” he smiles. “figured you might wanna watch your boyfriend score a few goals”
his confidence never fails to amuse you. “boyfriend huh?” you tease and he just nods, looking for confirmation. “guess as your girlfriend i’ll stop by for a bit” he misses you immediately, a smile still on his face when you pull back. “but don’t expect me to be screaming for you, that’s really not my scene”
“i’d expect nothing less”
a/n: this literally spawned out of mid air but omg so cutesy i want hockey matt in my life rn
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shotani · 1 year
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my bad y’all i didn’t mean to become a beartown account 💀
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Beartown series - first & last lines
Beartown pg. 1 Late one evening toward the end of March, a teenager picked up a double-barreled shotgun, walked into the forest, put the gun to someone else's forehead, and pulled the trigger. This is the story of how we got there. pg. 415 Because people recognize the bear around here. Cherry trees always smell of cherry trees. They do that in hockey towns. Us Against You pg. 1 Have you ever seen a town fall? Ours did. We'll end up saying that violence came to Beartown this summer, but that will be a lie; the violence was already here. Because sometimes hating one another is so easy that it seems incomprehensible that we ever do anything else. pg. 434 Because it's a simple game if you strip away all the crap surrounding it and just keep the things that made us love it in the first place. Everyone gets a stick. Two nets. Two teams. Us against you. The Winners pg. 1 Everyone who knew Benjamin Ovich, particularly those of us who knew him well enough to call him Benji, probably knew deep down that he was never the sort of person who would get a happy ending. pg. 670 One day she will make us feel like winners again. Because she's the bear. The bear from Beartown.
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