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bts-ficrecs · 4 years

Note

Any jungkook angst with no smut? Thank you!

yes hello. ‘tis me. Finally responding to you after 31498237 months.

i rarely read full on ANGST because my weak heart cannot take it, ok. So i don’t have a lot to share and most of the fics i read are pretty short. i don’t think any of what i read are series bc omg can u imagine a full on series with NO HAPPINESS!! I WOULD D WORD!!!!!!!1 sjadflakwe but i’ve included some angsty series in the 2nd half of this compilation!

as requested, no smut. i’m sorry if i missed something and it does have smut 🙏 also this ask made me realize how many angsty fics DO have smut involved, lololol we’re all a bunch of emo hornies and tbh,,, i’m not even gonna deny that 😂 ok ok i’ll stop rambling now.

* m/n: mai notes can also be read as “my notes”. ha ha ha wow i’m so punny.

HAVE READ:

⊱ ┄ A Fallen Bookmark on A Thursday Afternoon by @cutaepatootie

summary: He came to you like the air comes into the train station after the fast arriving of the machine. It comes fast and unexpected, making you hoist your head to look at the long vehicle and the people inside. It is so fast you can’t even distinguish the different wagons. As the train comes to a stop, the wind that it creates plays with your hair, leaving you breathless. That’s how Jeon Jungkook came into your life.

⊱ ┄ A Mark of Betrayal by @jimlingss

summary: Forgotten as the eighth deadly sin; each time one betrays, a mark will be signed on their skin…

⊱ ┄ A Piece of the Moonlight by @jimlingss

summary: For your loved ones, the people who are waiting at home, the people who have died - you will fight. And sometimes to fight means to sacrifice: who you really are and the person you really love.

⊱ ┄ Blue Orchids by @inktae

summary: You were eighteen years old when Jimin’s name showed up on your hand.

m/n: this is like… one of THE og bts fics and i will always promote it bc IT DESERVES TO BE READ BY EVERYONE

⊱ ┄ Delirium by @sseudanym

summary: What to feel, when it’s all gone.

⊱ ┄ Give Me Your Hands (I Will Pick the Stars for You) by mindheist (AO3)

summary: I miss you like the moon misses the sun, destined to chase you until the end of time.

m/n: this is the only mxm fic here. it’s jungkook x taehyung :) i hope it won’t deter you from reading it though! it’s an absolutely beautiful story.

⊱ ┄ In My Head by obiwrites (AO3)

summary: The one where you and your long time boyfriend aren’t on the same page

⊱ ┄ It’s Enough by @dark-muse-iris

summary: Preparing dinner reminds you of all the struggles you’ve experienced in your marriage. Your husband Jungkook, ever your anchor, tries to cheer you up with gentle words.

⊱ ┄ Mamihlapinatapai by @tayegi

summary: Mamihlapinatapai (noun): a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but which neither wants to begin.

⊱ ┄ My Beauty, My Blood by @7cypher

summary: With Namjoon out of the picture, Jeongguk has to step up and be the sole successor to the organization laid out before him. However, guilt doesn’t escape him very easily, and neither does your persistence.

⊱ ┄ Resentment by obiwrites (AO3)

summary: It was an ugly kind of sad. The kind that kept you up at night, that weighed heavy in your chest and made you feel like you couldn’t breathe, it made you feel like molasses—made your limbs drag and your body ache. You’d heard of the physical effects of depression—but you weren’t expecting this.

⊱ ┄ The Train of Lost Souls by @inktae

summary: The moment you step inside the train, you are given two options. You can choose to live or you can choose to move on. You are dead, but it’s up to you to do something about it. The choice is solely yours.

m/n: ok so this is technically a Hoseok fic since the reader is interacting with Hoseok, but Jungkook is a part of this fic and IT HURTS ME SO MUCH SO I HAD TO INCLUDE THIS OK

⊱ ┄ The Swirling Ways of Stars by @inktae

summary: Jeon Jungkook doesn’t feel like home.

⊱ ┄ Untitled by @floralseokjin

summary: He noticed you almost instantly. Like the wind blowing autumn leaves past his heels, he felt you near him. His body an instant constant buzzing as he stood inside the kitchen, back against the counter where he watched you outside. The separation of the living area and the balcony window feeling miles away regardless of how close he was to you…how close you were to him…

⊱ ┄ We Were by @gukyi

summary: Not all once upon a time’s have happily ever after’s.

⊱ ┄ Water Ripples by @inktae

summary: It may be a mistake caused by unreachable forces, but it is not a curse, like some may think. Meeting each other, being able to touch each other but being forbidden to stay close beyond the limits of the sea could be considered torture — where is the pleasure in getting a taste of something you cannot have, an ephemeral spark in the night? in getting wings that can’t make you soar, no matter how many times they flutter?

m/n: i made the mistake of rereading this when i was compiling this list and yes i am crying again. hooo booyyy.

HAVE NOT READ YET:

⊱ ┄ Below Thunder Showers by @inktae

summary: Min Yoongi leads Earth with a stern hand and a pair of cold eyes. You lead a withered space station that’s been losing hope for years, mind tired and heart torn. Jeon Jungkook is no more than a broken soldier who’s slowly losing his humanity, but his longing for the rain keeps him tied to the ground. Three paths converge again when the two worlds clash, and as precarious as they were, it does not stop you from falling in love for a second time.

⊱ ┄ Blossom by @dimpled-gukkie

summary: “Blossom, blossom, blossom. As unexperienced as I may be in the field you really didn’t think I’d only bring one weapon did you? It’s no wonder your gang has gone to shit ever since your dad died, it’s clear that you’re incompetent as well as incapable of being a good leader.” He laughs, raising the gun to point at you. You raise your own and he just smiles again before setting his weapon down. “You know what, how about we do this the old fashion way? I heard guns weren’t your specialty anyways.” Shrugging off his coat you spot the long dagger tucked into his waistband. “Cmon sweetheart, show me just how dangerous you are.”

⊱ ┄ Contradict by @drowsymochi

summary: Jungkook is a name you hear often around the crowded city of Seoul, South Korea. Jungkook is the leader of Bangtan, a gang that has acquired a worldwide audience. The gang is stationed in Seoul, creating a feeling of uneasiness on the streets. Everyone in the city has been acquainted with one of the members at some time, being that they’re always around. For the most part, they don’t harm innocent civilians unless they commit a crime that the members find worthy of punishment. That penalty can range from bankruptcy, to torture and eventually death, which makes the city wary of their words and surroundings. If only you had been as terrified as everyone else.

⊱ ┄ Downfall by @donewithjeon

summary: Your hesitation cost you dearly, and you swore never to let it happen again.

⊱ ┄ Drown For You by @callistojjk

summary: There was something in that enormous tank, hidden in the murky water. All you knew was that you weren’t allowed inside the room and that it used to hold something dangerous.

⊱ ┄ Drag Me Down to Hell by @kimvtae

summary: There’s a darkness to your city, a murderous underbelly filled with crime and deceit that you’ve sworn to avoid at all costs. But the universe has funny ways of forcing your involvement in the form of a notorious mob boss and his young daughter.

⊱ ┄ Expensive Mistakes by @honeyedhoseok

summary: Your night spent swindling at the pool table goes left when your lackluster skills are found to be false, so it’s a good thing Jungkook has some supernatural abilities to keep D and his friends from recollecting their money–but his help comes at a price.

⊱ ┄ Fierce And Delicate by @mintseesaw

summary: Jungkook and y/n had been brought in two different worlds. Jungkook living an unfortunate life and y/n being controlled by her parents all her life. Despite the imperfect relationship, they completed each other like a puzzle there is. Jungkook has one promise he intends to keep: to always make you happy. In the process of fulfilling your wish he had once declined you of, he kept a secret from you. And unintentionally, he has done more damages than expected…Every action, and every decision… could be blamed by the flawed past.

⊱ ┄ Fallout Technical Report by @pantaemonium

summary: You knew you should not go into the darkness of night, even if your hope had run thin. The monsters were free to walk the earth, and some of them were still as human as you.

⊱ ┄ Fear in Your Eyes by @gukyi

summary: There’s a werewolf in that forest behind your house, they told you, and he’ll eat you before you can even beg for mercy.

⊱ ┄ First Light by @inktae

summary: “Have you ever felt like the world is too loud sometimes?” “No. For me it’s always quiet.”

⊱ ┄ Finding Beauty in Your Darkest Places by @jungtaeyoongles

summary: Everyone has their issues, and everyone deals with them differently. Jungkook thinks that avoiding his problems is the best option out there. AKA Jeon Jungkook is the newest patient at the Omelas Specialized Psychiatric Clinic, and he just wants to get in and out as quickly as possible so that he can go back to university and be with his friends again. Of course, that doesn’t work out according to his plan.

⊱ ┄ Gravity by @donewithjeon

summary: The universe works in mysterious ways. What you didn’t know was that the world would give you the best at such a young age.

⊱ ┄ I Got You On My Mind by @bangtanbombimagines

summary: In a world where soulmates can share thoughts, you never imagined that the sweet voice in your head would belong to a guy like Jungkook.

⊱ ┄ Lost Boy by @hoshikimatata

summary: You are the only girl Jungkook keeps coming back to, and you thought that made you the one to save him. But in the end, he’s the only one who can save himself.

⊱ ┄ Let Me Stay Close To You by @9uk

summary: You were finally free from the worst nightmare of your life in high school. The doors of college welcomed you with open arms, you were set on living your best life in here, away from the toxicity back at home. That shimmer of hope in restoring your life, was somehow effortlessly crushed by a tap on your shoulder. “Hey Y/N, why don’t you say we catch up for a moment?”

⊱ ┄ Left Behind by @bbfairy

summary: Every person is required to go through a series of tests to see if they’re smart enough to be a part of the upper, elite district. You and Jungkook are childhood friends. Jungkook’s dream is to live with you in the elite class, but deep down, you’ve always known that you’ll fail the exams. For ten years, you wrote letters to give him on the day of his expected departure.

⊱ ┄ Lie to Me by @hugseoks

summary: It had seemed so easy for you to move on, did you even care at all?

⊱ ┄ Pull Me Down by @starryeyedgukk

summary: “Do you regret it?” “What?” “Falling in love with me? It feels like I only weigh you down.” “I’ll let you pull me down to the depths of hell if that’s what it means to love you.”

⊱ ┄ Rooftop by @thelillzmonster

summary: An unrequited love burdens your fragile heart. And when an unfamiliar, isolated boy is thrown into the mix, you’re not sure whether it all turns for the better or worse.

⊱ ┄ The Burning Flame by @bangtanfanfiction

summary: You’re sent as a scout from the Academy into enemy territory, tasked with the mission to make sure their king doesn’t unleash another war on the four nations. During your quest, you get tangled up with a lone rider, as stubborn and hard as the scales of his dragon.

⊱ ┄ The Black Veil by @jungcock

summary: You never wanted to be a vampire, yet you had been 21 years old for the last 2 centuries. You never wanted a relationship either, yet you incidentally make a very human Jeon Jungkook fall in love with you, twice.

⊱ ┄ Waste It On Me by @byeoltoyuki

summary: Being a journalist, you were familiar with the concept of taking risks and pushing your limits to get the best story. But when a gangster by the name of Jungkook tries to involve himself in your quiet, safe personal life, you are forced to reconsider the limits of your comfort zone, your boundaries, your morals and even your feelings.

⊱ ┄ Why I Hate You by @floofyeol

summary: Jeon Jungkook’s only regret, is knowing her in the first place.

⊱ ┄ Watchdog by @kpopisthereasonihavenolife

summary: Being kidnapped, then ‘accidentally’ eavesdropping on a lot of Intel that was specifically not for outside ears, was definitely not your way of being ‘recruited’ into the mafia world. Much less end up with a companion who didn’t seem very fond of you, but stuck guarding and watching you. A Watchdog sort of man he was, and almost entirely too suffocating.

⊱ ┄ Written on the Sky by @inktae

summary: Time is, without a doubt, merciless.

⊱ ┄ What Happened by @bangtanfanfiction

summary: You and Jungkook’s relationship was on the tip of the edge. Is there any possibility to get it back up?

#so basically just read all of inktae's fics lol #bts fic recs #jungkook angst #bts scenarios #jungkook fanfic #yes i wrote 'smutties'#fite me #g recs #anon #f:jjk

279 notes · View notes

hongism · 5 years

Text

finding beauty in your darkest places - chapter 6

Pairing: ot7 x reader for now

Genre: Psychiatric Clinic!au, Heavy Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 7643

Warnings: strong language; deals with mental and emotional illnesses and disorders as a heavy theme of the story, future graphic depictions of disorders - please do not read if this makes you uncomfortable

Note: please know that nothing in this story is meant to be a glamorization of any disorder, this is meant to be a real approach and depiction of these things, and i did a LOT of research prior to writing this about every disorder mentioned so that i was careful about what i wrote about each one. I am trying to be as knowledgeable as possible in terms of the content written within this story. I do not intend to glamorize any disorder within this story whatsoever.

Rating: PG-13/Mature

Summary: Everyone has their issues, and everyone deals with them differently. Jungkook thinks that avoiding his problems is the best option out there.

aka

Jeon Jungkook is the newest patient at the Omelas Specialized Psychiatric Clinic, and he just wants to get in and out as quickly as possible so that he can go back to university and be with his friends again. Of course, that doesn't work out according to his plan.

a/n: thank you so so much Mari for helping me out with info and stuff, that helped so much uwu <3

Chapter:

5 | 6 | 7

Finding Beauty in Your Darkest Places

Chapter 6: Black Ink

The hum of the refrigerator continues. The sound burrows its way into Jungkook's system, filling the silence and the pit in his gut. The granite counter top is cool under his touch, and Jungkook draws meaningless patterns against the surface with his index finger as he listens to the sounds around him. You sit on his left, staring at the counter in a similar way, but you are motionless. Then one more seat over, Yoongi resides, one hand resting lightly on your lower back as he rubs small circles against the fabric of your white shirt.

If someone were to ask Jungkook how he arrived at this position — in the kitchen at five or six in the morning beside two fellow patients with a stony faced nurse a couple feet away — he isn't sure he would be able to explain. The lack of sleep and hectic nature of the past few hours has all but wiped his brain of any functioning thought aside from panic. Panic. Nothing new or foreign to Jungkook, yet this time, it bears a different nature than the panic he's so used to having reside in his system. For once, it's panic for a person other than himself. The man who came into the kitchen out of the blue, who spoke in such an odd and broken manner, and ended up collapsed on the floor. Jungkook believes that his brain stopped functioning properly in that moment, because since then, he has not been able to keep his mind in order long enough to remember anything.

Except, he does remember going to Yoongi's door and knocking with an immense amount of force, then nearly falling into the room when Yoongi opened the door. Once Jungkook was able to spew his explanation of what happened in the kitchen, Yoongi didn't ask anymore questions and simply said "I'll take care of it". I'll take care of it. Jungkook withdraws his hand from the counter. The only other thing he said to him before walking off was "Take Y/N back to her room. I'll come by when everything is settled".

So that's exactly what Jungkook did. Followed Yoongi back to the kitchen and watched as he had to physically tear you away from Hoseok. Yea, he remembers that. He doubts he's going to forget that scene any time soon.

"Please tell me you have cigarettes." Your voice is quiet, faint — almost weak if Jungkook were willing to attribute that word to you, but he can't say that he is. He looks up, passing his eyes over your form then to the nurse standing on the opposite side of the counter. Neither Jungkook or the nurse make any sort of comment on your plea; instead, it's Yoongi, which makes the most sense since you look at the man after speaking. A rush of air passing between his lips.

"That's not going to help you."

"I need them."

The nurse draws his lips into a thin line, and from where Jungkook is sitting, he can barely see the slight shake of his head, either in disbelief or disappointment from your claim.

"If anything, this is the most important time for me to have some."

"I don't have any," Yoongi mutters. He fidgets in his seat, hand falling away from your back. "Staff caught me with some last time, so they confiscated them. Why don't we go outside? Fresh air will do you more good than cigarettes." Yoongi stands, stool scraping against the tiles, and looks to the nurse. "Can we step outside for a bit?"

"Yea, that's fine."

Yoongi waits for you to stand up as well, then follows the nurse to the other side of the room. Jungkook remains rooted to his seat, unsure whether the invitation is extended to him as well, but he doesn't want to push his luck.

"Are you coming, kid?" Yoongi asks, and Jungkook swivels to look at the dark haired man at the other side of the room. Jungkook doesn't say anything but rushes over to where he's waiting by a door labeled 'stairs'.

"Thank you," he mumbles to Yoongi, who merely shakes his head. The nurse leads the way down a flight of stairs, and Jungkook likens the feeling of the area to something like an old parking garage — the stiff air, concrete smell, and cold atmosphere -- but it's over soon enough, and they're stepping out into the fresh air. When the smell of nature hits his nose, Jungkook almost has to take a step back as he realizes this is the first time in two weeks that he's been outside. Not that he hasn't had the opportunity to go outside, he definitely has, but he never did because he didn't want to risk someone seeing him playing basketball or sitting outside alone. That's weird and strange, isn't it? Something only a crazy person would do? And I'm not crazy. Jungkook kicks at a few stray pebbles on the concrete of the court, pressing his hands into his pockets.

You linger near the edge of the court, squinting at the sky that still bears thick clouds and leftover stars. The sun is barely beginning to creep up, although Jungkook can't see much of it thanks to the tall buildings all around, and the oranges and reds of sunrise bleed through the clouds.

"Do you have a pen I could borrow, Nurse Simon?"

Jungkook glances back at where you gently tug on the nurse's sleeve, and Yoongi does the same, only holding a much briefer stare before stepping across the court. The nurse digs around in the pockets across the front of his scrubs before pulling out a pen and passing it your way. You immediately stick the back of it in your mouth - a similar action to the one Jungkook saw you do the previous day when he was in your room.

"You play basketball, Jungkook?" Yoongi's voice disrupts his focus. Jungkook turns to the man, who now cradles a basketball under his left arm, and stutters to respond.

"Uh, I-I used to."

"Come on—" Yoongi motions for Jungkook to join him in the center of the court with his free hand "—let's play for a bit." The ball launches at his chest, and Jungkook barely has time to catch it, the force behind the object catching him off guard. He complies though and steps over to the middle of the court. What sort of game is he playing? He's never wanted to speak to me before, let alone interact with me… Jungkook eyes Yoongi, and the other man doesn't pick up on the wariness in his stance or eyes. Jungkook settles in anyways, dribbling the ball from hand to hand as he warms up to the idea of playing.

"What's going to happen with Hoseok?" he asks as he slides around Yoongi to head for the hoop.

"After I got Namjoon, we went to get a few nurses. They took him out on a gurney and said he'd be taken to a nearby hospital immediately. Namjoon asked to go with to make sure he got there safely and such." Yoongi darts in and slaps the ball out of Jungkook's hands while he's distracted looking up at the hoop, and Jungkook huffs in frustration.

"Why did they allow Namjoon to go along? He's just a patient like the rest of us."

"It's due to the fact that he's a "good" patient." Yoongi slides back, shooting for the hoop, but Jungkook hops up and pushes it away from the rim before it can dip in. "He's proven himself to do whatever he's told over time, and because of that, he gets more privileges. Besides, he's not considered one of the "dangerous" patients, so the staff isn't concerned about him snapping or blowing up at any time."

"Oh," Jungkook says as he makes a shot. "That makes sense." Yoongi stands back and watches the ball fall through the hoop. Jungkook watches him, catching the ball before it hits the court.

"Thanks for taking her back to her room earlier."

"It wasn't an issue. She didn't need to see that any longer that she had to." Jungkook shrugs, passing the ball over to Yoongi. Maybe there is a hint of a lie to his words, because it was hard to see you after what happened in the kitchen. After the lengthy and deep conversation he shared with you, after witnessing your interaction with Hoseok, and then seeing your reaction when Hoseok collapsed. That wasn't pleasant by any means, yet Jungkook was given a responsibility. He had to fulfill it.

"I should've been there. I should've known better."

"It's not your fault, Y/N. You didn't do anything wrong, and it just happened to be bad timing."

"Bad timing doesn't mean shit when it comes to a place like this."

"Yoongi said he's going to take care of it."

"That doesn't change the fact that I fucked up."

Jungkook runs a hand through his hair. Bits and pieces of the conversation he shared with you in your room trickle back into his mind, nothing happy or pleasant to remember.

"I told you, Jungkook. No matter how hard I try, I can't be a good person. Having good intentions doesn't mean shit if you can't live up to them."

"Yea, she didn't need to see any of it," Yoongi says after a moment. This is the longest we've ever talked…hell, it's the first time we've had a solid conversation. "What about you?"

"Huh?"

"How are you holding up?" Yoongi clarifies. "It probably wasn't easy witnessing that for the first time or seeing that sort of thing at all."

"I…I've seen some episodes like that at previous clinics I've been to, but the situations were always different. Nurses were always around to help control the situation and make sure everything was alright." Jungkook and Yoongi stand under the hoop, neither making an effort to play anymore. "It was disconcerting to witness firsthand, yea, but Y/N's reaction was more scary than Hoseok falling."

"That makes sense…" Yoongi shifts his attention to where you're standing at the edge of the court, pen still hanging out of your mouth like a cigarette. "She would never admit it, but that terrified her. I've seen her reaction to this sort of thing before, and it always leaves her shaken up for days. Sometimes I can't tell if she's really gotten over it or has just tried to push it to the side and act like everything is fine."

"If you had really had cigarettes, would you have given them to her?"

"Yes." Yoongi's answer comes without any hesitation whatsoever. "I know it won't help, and it's certainly not good for her in any way. I'm just doing what I can though. If that's the only thing I can do for her, then so be it. It would've been a bad idea no doubt. I can't say no to her though."

"You didn't even question the fact that she was out and about at night either," Jungkook mentions, and Yoongi turns back to him with a slight frown on his lips.

"I didn't need to know why. I don't need to know every little detail about what's going on in her life, to be honest. The things I do for her are enough, and I do them because I care about her. That's that."

"Is…is it the same the other way around?"

"You're drifting into dangerous territory, kid." Jungkook swallows at the warning, and he's almost certain that Yoongi can see the bob of his Adam's apple as he gulps down nothing but air.

"We were, uh, we were talking before Hoseok came by. Y/N and I, I mean. That's obvious though, sorry. But, she mentioned you…and she said the two of you have a good relationship now but it wasn't always that way." Jungkook isn't sure if he's making a good decision in the moment, he might be overstepping his bounds, but he feels that if he misses this opportunity now, it may never come again. Yoongi looks upwards, then passes the basketball back to Jungkook.

"I'm surprised she talked about that. She's not the most open person, although I'm sure you've noticed that. It's good that she's being open with people other than Namjoon and myself."

"What do you mean by that?"

"In all honesty, I can't help her," Yoongi states, tone flat. "The last time I really tried to help her, both of us got burned in a bad way. There's too much there — between us, on her side, on mine — for me to be able to do anything to help really, so I don't push my boundaries anymore. I blame it on our similarities. Since I can't help myself, there's no way I can help her." Jungkook glances over at you. You stare back, brows furrowed and knit so closely together that, from his distance, Jungkook can't see the skin between your brows anymore.

"And Namjoon?" He asks under his breath, gaze flitting away from your expression.

"Namjoon? Y/N and Namjoon are much closer than her and I are, but in a different way. I don't exactly know how to explain it because I don't wholly understand it. The two of them have some sort of unspoken agreement that I've never understood but it's been that way for as long as I can remember. They had that agreement before I arrived and started talking to them though." Yoongi got here after both of them? Then maybe…I thought perhaps Yoongi was one of the ones who's been here the longest, but that proves me wrong.

"She mentioned something about a "different kind of trust" before."

Yoongi breaks into a bout of laughter at Jungkook's words, the gums of his mouth showing as he smiles. "She told me the exact same thing once."

"You aren't like I thought you were," Jungkook admits. He turns away before he can see Yoongi's reaction, shooting the basketball at the hoop instead.

"What? Not as big a douche as you thought?" Yoongi snarks back, swatting the basketball away from the hoop this time. "Don't worry, kid; I'm still an asshole no matter what. It's just about…putting up a certain type of front and making sure I won't be treated like shit. If you act soft and docile here, then you'll be targeted. That's why people like Mingyu and Yesung pick on Taehyung. I'll be honest, not all of it is a front though. I don't take shit from people now because I used to be a doormat for everyone. When you do that, you learn the hard way that that's not how to go about life." Yoongi shrugs before moving back and making a shot for the hoop. "I don't really care enough to be that sort of person anymore, but I guess it depends, because I do enjoy the friends I have and would do anything for them."

Jungkook glances away from the hoop, hearing the swish and seeing Yoongi's coy half-smirk playing at one side of his lips.

"We ought to head back in. We're supposed to be in our rooms after all, right?" Yoongi walks back over to where you're standing with the nurse, and Jungkook follows quickly, abandoning the basketball. "Are you ready to go back inside?" The question is aimed at you, and you nod in response. Again, the nurse leads the way, using a key from his pocket to unlock the door and take them back up to the kitchen again. He stays at their side until they reach the edge of the hallway leading to the bedrooms, and you pass the pen he gave your earlier back.

"Sorry if it's got my spit on it," you remark. A weak grin hangs on your lips, and Jungkook doesn't think you're truly sorry, but the nurse's expression is even funnier than that bit, because he takes it back with a grimace and a sigh.

"Do you feel any better?" Yoongi asks as they walk down the hallway. Jungkook rubs his neck, the exhaustion of staying up all night and dealing with an ungodly amount of stress finally hitting his muscles.

"No," you reply. You kick against the tile, passing Hoseok's open door with a deep frown. When Yoongi notices your expression and lingering gaze, he reaches out and pulls the door shut as he passes it.

"He'll be fine, Y/N. It was just a scare."

"No, it wasn't," you counter. "But you wouldn't understand even if I tried to explain it to you." Jungkook feels the tension spike between you and Yoongi even though he's not standing in the middle of it.

"You're right. I don't understand anything." Jungkook lowers his chin, looking to the right so he doesn't have to see either you or Yoongi anymore. The chilling tone of Yoongi's voice insinuates that a fight is about to break out, and Jungkook wonders if the nurse is still standing at the mouth of the hall to witness this. There's no way he would be able to stop a fight if one were to start.

"That's not what I meant, Yoongi," you sigh, sounding more exasperated than anything. "I was supposed to be there for Hoseok, but I wasn't. I told him I would always be there for him, and I lied. Do you understand that?"

"I was trying to reassure you, not patronize you."

"That's not your job though," you hiss. You steps slow until you're standing still in the middle of the hallway, and Jungkook wants nothing more than to just keep moving but he finds himself slowing to stand beside you anyways. "Besides, you're shit at reassuring me, so why are you trying to do that in the first place?"

"You see, this is why we are better off not talking when we're together. Things that don't involve conversation always do more good for the two of us."

"That's because you can't go five minutes without finding something to bitch about."

"And you have to help everyone in the fucking universe except yourself! Tell me why I can't bitch about that?"

"I don't need you to bitch about that. I'm fine as is."

"Oh, of course. That's so obvious because you seem to be doing great."

"Fuck off, Yoongi. Why don't you try to help me again because it went so well for you last time?"

"Looks who's bitching now."

"Sorry for being realistic."

"If Jungkook weren't here…”

"Oh? What's that? What would you do if he weren't here?"

Jungkook can't handle the pressure any longer, so he clears his throat loudly, bringing Yoongi's eyes to him. The tension in Yoongi's shoulders falls, and he relaxes them before looking at you again. Your lips are drawn into a tight frown, but you don't push the subject any longer, instead continuing to walk down the hallway without further interruption. Jungkook walks alongside Yoongi a couple feet behind you until they reach Yoongi's door.

"Yoongi!"

Jungkook presses a hand to his chest at the sudden outburst, and Yoongi's door slides open to reveal Seokjin behind it.

"Is Hoseok alright?" he asks immediately.

"How the hell do you know about that?" Yoongi counters.

"I overheard you and Jungkook talking about it when he pulled you outside. You both woke me up with that ungodly knocking."

"I-I, sorry," Jungkook stutters. Heat rises on his cheeks.

"I'll update you in a minute." Yoongi pushes his way into the room, sliding past Seokjin to get inside. Seokjin's eyes widen, and he glances between you and Jungkook before closing the door. Jungkook sighs, silence drifting back to him, and walks over to his door. You haven't gone inside yet though, and he pauses to look over at you one more time, seeing you hesitate and stare back in the direction of Hoseok's room.

"Y/N…what happened with Hoseok truly isn't your fault in any way."

You offer a dry laugh, a sound that bears exhaustion, and Jungkook frowns at your back.

"What did I tell you? Even when I try me best to help, I only ever end up hurting people. Makes me wonder why I even try sometimes." Jungkook struggles with a response, but he's too slow anyways, because you head into your room without further ado and leave Jungkook to stare at the white of your door instead of your back. Of course…running away before I can tell you otherwise. Do you not want to hear it? Or do you simply not believe it?

When Jungkook steps into his own bedroom, the yellow light of his lamp still trickles across the floor and over Taehyung's sleeping form. He does his best to stay quiet as he creeps over to his bed. Any of his previous exhaustion has dissipated and the anxiety in his gut provides too much energy for him to feel like sleeping right now. Instead, Jungkook climbs onto his bed, the springs creaking and groaning under the pressure, and pulls his journal into his lap again. Taehyung shifts in bed. For a moment, Jungkook worries that he's woken Taehyung on accident, but he doesn't move again, so Jungkook feels safe to resituate a bit more and get comfortable before scribbling everything he can remember from the whole night.

The conversation he shared with you in the kitchen is no longer fresh, but he remembers most of it — the bits about Yesung and Mingyu, and all your doubts and beliefs about yourself. Then he adds a new page to record what happened with Hoseok from the strange manner of talk he had to his collapse, and he finally has new material to add to Yoongi's page. The only information there previously was Jungkook's concerns about Yoongi hating him and being a complete asshole, but he fills the page now with nicer things, and by the time he finishes with that, the anxiety has settled down. Exhaustion creeps in again, and Jungkook can barely keep his eyes open. He tosses his journal onto his bedside table beside his lamp, shuts off the light, and finally lays down to sleep. Within minutes, sleep hits and he's falling into unconsciousness.

∞

"Mr. Jeon, it's time to get up." Jungkook groans in protest, attempting to pull his sheets over his head to block the sudden intrusion of light and the voice urging him to get up, but it doesn't work. A hand grabs the sheet and tugs it away before he can grab it. "Mr. Jeon, it's time for breakfast. Please get up immediately."

Jungkook squints as he opens his eyes, the light nearly giving him a headache. Across the room, Taehyung is slowly sitting up as well, looking just as groggy as Jungkook feels.

"You both need to get to breakfast on time today because Dr. Choi is going to be giving a talk to all the patients."

Jungkook rolls off his bed and stands up, not wholly awake quite yet. It's Nurse Irene who stands next to him, arms crosses and lips pursed as she watches Jungkook's half hearted attempts to get ready. Instead of leaving as she normally would, she lingers in the room, moving over to wait by the door. Taehyung glances over to Jungkook, their eyes meeting and sharing the same confusion, but neither of them comment on her presence. Jungkook moves for the bathroom first, snatching some clothes from the dresser in the corner first. The reflection in the mirror shows how dead Jungkook feels. Between his puffy eyes and cheeks, Jungkook thinks he looks like a marshmallow with a face. He splashes cold water over his eyes in the hope that it will wake him up faster, then changes into a new set of clothes. Taehyung slips into the bathroom as he walks out.

Jungkook eyes Nurse Irene as he tosses his clothes in the corner.

"Really, Mr. Jeon? You have a basket for those clothes." Jungkook bites his tongue at her comment, wanting to retort but he decides against it. "Thank you," Nurse Irene says when he picks the clothes up and delivers them to the basket instead. Taehyung leaves the bathroom, tossing his clothes in the same corner Jungkook did, much to Nurse Irene's dismay.

"Both of you?" She remarks with a loud scoff. Taehyung freezes, an innocent smile finding its way onto his lips.

"Did you sleep okay last night?" Jungkook asks, pulling Taehyung's attention off Nurse Irene. "I forgot to turn off my light."

"Oh, I slept fine! Did you��” Taehyung cuts himself off. Nurse Irene squints at the two of them. Jungkook presses his fingers into a tight fist. Please don't say anything, Taehyung. Taehyung clears his throat. "Sorry, lost my train of thought for a second. Did you sleep alright?"

"Yes," Jungkook replies with a small shake of his head, making sure Nurse Irene doesn't see the slight action. Taehyung tilts his chin.

"Let's go, you two. Stop wasting time." Jungkook falls into step with Taehyung, leaving the bedroom, and leans over to whisper in his ear as they walk behind Nurse Irene.

"I'll explain more later."

"Okay," Taehyung whispers back. They follow the steady stream of patients, who are also being escorted down the hallway. "Did something happen?"

"Yea."

"Do you think that's why everyone has a nurse with them? They don't normally do this."

"I don't know." Jungkook shrugs. "Why is Dr. Choi coming to give us a talk?"

"What happened last night, Jungkook?" Taehyung asks. A hand finds Jungkook's arm and latches on. Jungkook looks over at Taehyung, finding an expression of panic there. He shakes his head in response and motions at Nurse Irene's back. Taehyung seems to understand his concern and drops the subject, but a new concern rises in Jungkook's mind. We were basically caught last night. What's going to happen now?

As he walks into the dining hall, the first person he spots is you, sitting at the same table you usually sit at. Seokjin and Yoongi sit alongside you, and as Jungkook gets closer, he spots Namjoon's profile peeking from behind Seokjin's shoulders. Namjoon's back. He's back. Shit. Jungkook moves to occupy the empty seat beside him, but Taehyung's grip on his arm won't relent. Jungkook tugs a bit harder.

Taehyung pulls in response, muttering under his breath, "Don't sit there today. Sit with me today just in case something happens."

"I don't understand," Jungkook whispers back. He glances over at you and Namjoon again. You're locked in a conversation with Seokjin, no doubt another medical talk that Jungkook wouldn't be able to keep up with.

"Trust me. We've had talks with Dr. Choi before, and sometimes they end up getting pretty ugly." Taehyung pulls Jungkook over to a different table, and Jimin greets them with a small smile as they approach.

"Good morning!" Eunbi is the one to greet them warmly, offering a broad smile in contrast to Jimin's minute one.

"Hi, Eunbi. You sleep well?" Taehyung says as he sits down beside Jimin. Jungkook joins him and sits next to him.

"Yep! Aside from the nurses giving us a rude awakening, but I guess that can't be helped."

Jimin fidgets in his seat. He looks over at Taehyung, then towards Jungkook before settling his gaze on the table where you sit. He seems to think through something as he stares at your table, then leans over to whisper something in Jungkook's direction.

"Did something happen last night? The nurses are acting weirder than usual."

Jungkook leans in to whisper his response, although he's almost certain that both Eunbi and Miyeon can hear their conversation. "Something happened to Hoseok, but I'm not sure exactly what."

"Oh no." Jimin exhales, eyes growing wide at the new information.

"Everyone quiet down!" They aren't able to continue their conversation thanks to Nurse Irene, who now stands at the front of the room and claps her hands to get everyone's attention. "We are going to pass out food and medications, then Dr. Choi will come in to have a talk with you all." As she speaks, nurses come around with their typical labelled trays. Jungkook stares at his in mild disdain as he recognizes the new — but still familiar — pill alongside his food. He throws the pills back, allowing them to disappear into his system without further ado, but pokes at his food with a fork rather than eating it. The anxiety of Dr. Choi's visit and talk weighs down on his shoulders with too heavy a weight to handle.

Thankfully, he doesn't have to wait long for Dr. Choi to come by, and the man enters the dining hall only a few minutes later, looking the same as Jungkook remembers from his first visit with the doctor. White coat, slicked back hair, and small glasses. Seeing him again proves your point in that Mingyu shares quite a few physical features with him, and Jungkook can recognize the family resemblance now that they are in the same room.

"Good morning, everyone. I'm sorry that we must do this so early, but unfortunately we had no choice. I'll ask that you listen closely for the following few minutes while I explain the situation."

His voice is just as crisp and clear as Jungkook remembers too, the same tone that told him how beneficial his stay would be at Omelas and how fortunate he is to have the opportunity to receive treatment from such a prestigious place. Bullshit. All bullshit.

"Now, some patients may be aware of what happened last night already. For those who are unaware though, two patients broke curfew and the rules by sneaking around outside their rooms last night. Would those two patients please stand up?"

You are the first to get to your feet, no hesitation in your body, and Jungkook spots almost a sense of pride in your hasty movements. Jungkook moves to join you, ready to emulate the same amount of confidence and pride, but Taehyung latches onto his arm once more and prevents him from moving. Upon looking at the man, he isn't sure that Taehyung means to inhibit him, rather Taehyung seems scared and his gaze won't leave your back.

"Taehyung, they know I was out and about already. A nurse saw me this morning," Jungkook whispers, yet Taehyung's grip only gets tighter. Another moment passes, then he responds in an equally quiet tone.

"I don't want her to get in trouble because of me. That's not fair."

Taehyung has him distracted; at least, Jungkook would like to blame it on that, because while he's speaking, Yoongi is getting to him feet and taking Jungkook's place. No no no. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?

"Were you two the ones out and about last night?" Dr. Choi asks. Jungkook wants to jump to his feet and call Yoongi out for being a liar.

"Yes, it was," Yoongi responds in a steady voice. No! Jungkook tugs against Taehyung's arm. Yoongi glances over his shoulder, eyes finding Jungkook's and upon making eye contact, Yoongi shakes his head ever so slightly. What are you doing?

"Of course it was those two. Shouldn't expect anything less from the likes of them." Mingyu's voice rises now, cutting through the tension like a hot knife through butter, and Yesung laughs along with the smart-ass remark.

"Mr. Choi, stay quiet." Dr. Choi scoffs at his son's comment, then continues addressing you and Yoongi. "The two of you should know better, and neither of you should be acting out considering how long both of you have been at the clinic. Especially you, Miss L/N. The laundry room was found unlocked and opened, as well as the pantry. Then the two culprits took a volatile patient from his room and caused him to suffer a traumatic episode. Now this patient is residing at a nearby hospital to recover for the time being. Is this correct?"

"N—” Jungkook starts to protest, but you cut him off.

"Yes, sir. That is correct." What? No! It's not, it's a lie. Hoseok found us! Yoongi wasn't involved, and no one took Hoseok out of his room!

"And upon waking up two other patients, Kim Namjoon and Jeon Jungkook, Kim Namjoon did the correct and proper thing by calling for a nurse to help, while Jeon Jungkook remained with Mr. Jung to make sure he was alright. This is what you informed us of, Mr. Min. Is this information correct?"

"Yes, it is." Jungkook bites down hard on his lower lip.

"Thanks to this situation, security will be tightened immediately. The pantry will be locked from now on, along with the laundry room. Any need to go into either room must be check with a nurse beforehand. In addition, there will be staff on night shifts in the halls to make sure that no one leaves their rooms during the night. All patients will need to check in with Head Nurse Dean at breakfast in the morning, and Nurse Irene at dinner in the evening. As for punishments for patient Min and L/N, all privileges will be revoked. For the following undisclosed amount of time, both of you will be accompanied by an assigned nurse wherever you go. Hopefully this will help you both understand the weight of your actions."

Mingyu breaks into laughter at the news, a cruel cackle leaving his lips, and Jungkook sees your shoulders press upwards at the sound.

"Quiet down, Mingyu. Now, this situation is one that must not be repeated. At Omelas, safety is our number one priority. We aim to ensure that no patient suffers any harm under our care, especially not harm from fellow patients. Remember this, and I hope you all learn from this experience." Dr. Choi turns on his heel and walks out of the room. You and Yoongi return to your seats.

"I'll be right back," Jungkook mutters to Taehyung, pulling his arm free of the other man's grasp at last. He slides out of his seat and darts over to one of the empty seats at your table. He falls into the seat between you and Yoongi, his eyes bearing holes into the side of Yoongi's skull. "Why did you take the bullet for me?"

"It doesn't matter, kid. Forget it." Yoongi glances over him then his gaze passes over Jungkook's shoulder and lands on you, lingering there.

"I'm so sorry for getting the two of you in trouble," Namjoon says. He leans closer to you. Jungkook turns to see your hand pressed against one of Namjoon's outstretched ones on the table.

"You did the right thing. There was nothing we could do as patients for Hoseok, and for once, we actually needed the nurses' help. So you aren't in the wrong, Namjoon." Namjoon smiles at your words, placing his free hand over yours.

"Hoseok is going to be okay. He's already woken up, and his vitals look good."

"That doesn't change the fact that I wasn't there for him when he needed me." You pull your hand away, and Namjoon chases after it until you withdraw it to your lap. "There's something else we need to talk about, but I won't be able to tell you with a nurse following me around for God knows how long." You shift your attention to Jungkook all the sudden, dark eyes finding his with an unsettling amount of intensity. "I need to cash in a favor."

"What?" Namjoon and Seokjin say in unison.

"Did you bribe the poor kid for something, Y/N?" Seokjin asks, but you ignore him in favor of speaking to Jungkook.

"Do you remember what Hoseok said to us?"

Of course. I wrote it all down in my journal.

"Y-Yea, I think — I might," he stammers.

"Keep it in mind. I'll need you later, but just…hold onto that thought until I ask for the favor."

Jungkook bobs his head in response, nodding along with your words until you sigh in relief.

"Mr. Jeon, please return to your seat and eat your meal." A nurse steps behind Jungkook, looming over his shoulder and looking over the table, and Jungkook instinctively leans back. You don't say anything more now that the nurse is lurking by the table, so Jungkook stands up and steps back over to his seat beside Taehyung. As soon as he sits down, Jimin hits him with a question.

"Did they say anything about Hoseok?"

"Uh, no." Jungkook shakes his head, staring at his tray of food with little interest, and out of the corner of his eye, he spots the deep frown that comes to Jimin's lips.

"Uh…are you—are you busy after breakfast maybe?" Jimin inquires. Jungkook looks over at the man. A faint red hue paints the apples of his cheeks now.

"No, I just have a vital check and an afternoon appointment."

"Could we talk after breakfast then?" Jungkook drops his jaw, and his lips form a small 'o' as he blinks at Jimin.

"Yea, of course!" He says in a rush, and Jimin smiles in gratitude.

"Oh, can I come along too?" Taehyung asks. He mimics Jimin's smile and looks between both men.

"Tae, you've got a morning class today. You missed the last one, remember?"

"Oh…okay, yea. I forgot about that." Taehyung pouts, pushing the food on his plate around as he slumps in his seat. Eunbi maintains conversation for the remainder of breakfast, although Jungkook finds his focus more on the girl who sits beside her instead.

"She said Miyeon hasn't thrown up in over three weeks — a new record for her — and she seems to be in a much better mood nowadays."

"If this keeps up, then she could be gone by the end of the month. Two months at the latest, I'd say."

I almost forgot that she may be on her way out… That's strange to think about. What if someone else leaves too? Everyone has been here longer than I have, but…I never thought about how they could all leave within the blink of an eye. Would that truly be an issue though? Maybe things would be easier then.

At the end of breakfast, Jimin gets up and pulls Jungkook aside, standing at the edge of the room and watching the other patients trickle out. A nurse joins Yoongi as he heads out, and another sticks to your side when you leave as well.

"Taehyung's gonna beat himself up over this for weeks," Jimin says as they watch you walk out, his arms folded across his chest.

"None of it is his fault though. It was…bad timing on everything."

"Tae doesn't believe in bad timing or coincidence. I know it's not his fault in any way, but he won't believe that. Everything hits him a bit hard, and he blames himself for even minor inconveniences." Jimin drops his arms and shrugs, then motions over his shoulder. "Do you mind going outside for a bit?"

"No, I'm fine with that."

Jimin nods and walks over to one of the nurses picking up the trays from breakfast.

"Can we go for a short walk around the basketball court?"

"That's fine." The nurse leaves the trays in his hands on the table, and similar to earlier in the morning, leads the way to the door at the edge of the room.

Jungkook waits for Jimin to start talking, but he doesn't so they head down the flight of stairs in silence. Jungkook presses his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants and braces himself or the rush of cold that comes from stepping out into the morning air. Even though the sun is higher up and offers more light than it did earlier, the air still feels chilly, and Jungkook subconsciously shivers under the breeze. Jimin mimics his actions and shoves his hands into his pockets as well, starting to walk around the edge of the court without waiting for Jungkook to catch up.

"Uh, I just wanted to clear up some stuff we talked about yesterday," Jimin says once Jungkook falls into step with him. "I wasn't completely honest with you when we talked about my history in the clinic. I know I told you that Yesung moved into my room when Hoseok arrived here, but that's not true. In reality, um, I lived alone at the time, so they moved Hoseok into my room. I roomed with him for around six months, but things — his condition got worse over time. I-I didn't lie because I was ashamed of living with Hoseok or anything like that. I…I just find it difficult to talk about.

"Living with someone like Hoseok was both challenging and eye opening. Some days, I would wake up and Hoseok would have no clue where he was. Other days, he would look me in the eye and ask me who I was because he didn't recognize me anymore. Living with someone really helped Hoseok, but I don't feel like I was the proper person for him to live with. I couldn't handle the breakdowns or forgetfulness or any of the other things Hoseok struggles with. Someone better equipped would have been better, maybe someone like Namjoon who seems to have a clear mind and a better grip on his own emotions and troubles."

Jimin pauses. He looks up at the sky, and when Jungkook glances in his direction, he sees unshed tears hanging in the corners of his eyes.

"The real reason Hoseok switched rooms with Yesung was because I requested it. It may have been a lapse of judgement in the heat of the moment, but I was looking out for myself more than anyone else. I didn't take Hoseok into consideration when I made the decision. Anytime I see or hear of Hoseok struggling, I can't help but to think about how I could've done something different. What would have happened if I did something else? Or not requested the switch? Been a better roommate for him? I know I'm rambling now, but I wanted to clarify things. I also felt bad for lying about it."

"I understand," Jungkook responds. "I would've done the same in your position."

"Yea, well…nevermind. I won't keep you any longer, so we can head back inside. It's pretty cold out here too." Jimin jerks his head towards the door. Jungkook follows him over, waiting for the nurse to unlock the door again and take them inside. The inside air holds a welcome warmth, and Jungkook frees his hands from the confines of his pockets now that he's in the warmer air. Once they reach the top of the stairs and step back into the dining hall, Jimin waves one hand at Jungkook. "I gotta go do some checkups and stuff, but I'll see you around. Thanks for the talk."

"No problem. See ya." Jungkook waves back but lingers near the window. Jimin disappears from sight. The nurse who was with them returns to taking up trays from the table. Jungkook weaves between the tables to get closer to the window and look outside. How much is connected? Between Y/N's relationship with Hoseok and Jimin's…where's the overlap? I don't understand how it all fits together. I still don't know how Y/N started helping Hoseok and Taehyung in the first place, or her real reasons for why she does the things she does. I don't know a lot, I guess, but it's too distracting right now. I want out. I have to focus on that, right? No matter how invested I feel in this weird story within the clinic. Of course I want to connect the dots and finish the puzzle but…I want out. More than anything else, I need to be out of here. Back to life, back to university, my family and friends. None of this matters in the long run, does it?

Jungkook balls his hands into tight fists by his sides. I'm not trying hard enough to get out. Too distracted, focused on things other than myself. I just need to focus on showing the doctors than I'm fine and get out before I get in too deep.

Jungkook turns away from the window and walks back to his room with a new resolve on his mind. Once he's gone, none of this will matter anymore and he can go back to his old life without worrying anymore. People he doesn't know, things that don't affect him — he doesn't need it right now, so he just needs to remind himself that it doesn't matter. His journal doesn't matter, any of the stupid information he's written there won't be important when he gets out. Part of Jungkook feels stupid for investing himself so much in all this shit rather than focusing on himself. After all, that's the most important thing to every patient here, right? You said it, Jimin said it — now Jungkook is going to say it as well. He steps into his room with head ducked, looking up only after he closes the door behind himself.

What he sees waiting for him is unexpected to say the least.

Taehyung sits on the edge of Jungkook's bed, and his heart plummets when he sees the object resting in his roommate's lap. It's his journal, cracked open to expose all the secrets Jungkook buried there. Taehyung doesn't meet Jungkook's gaze. He keeps staring at the pages in his lap, finger tracing over the black ink painting the paper.

"Taehy—” Jungkook stops himself as he sees the tear tracts running down Taehyung's cheeks. Shit. Taehyung covers his face with one hand, the other still clutching Jungkook's journal in a death grip. "Shit, Tae, it's not—I swear—I—”

"Is it all true?"

...

a/n: what did you guys think of the chapter? what was your fav part? lemme know here or send me a message! sorry for the cliffhanger~ whoops >-<

consider sending me a ko-fi!!

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