#( most contributing factors to all his other /charming/ little quirks in personality. if not. at least loneliness bc lol. ) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nokomiss · 4 years

Text

unprecedented times

title: Unprecedented Times

summary: Stiles is handling quarantine like a champ, and is absolutely not pestering Derek at all.

Notes: For @lielabell, who requested sterek covid socially distancing fluff fic. Hope you enjoy!

***

Official Stilinski Mission Log: Day 2

It has been over forty-eight entire hours since having contact with the human world. Built a fort out of the toilet paper Dad commandeered from the convenience store. (okay, bought, whatever.) Plan on living out of the fort until the world returns to normal.

Stiles was like, the best person ever to be quarantined. Like, seriously. He had an entire internet full of interesting information at his fingertips, and he absolutely did not miss Scott, and there was zero chance at all of him going all cabin fever-y and chopping through doors like Jack Nicholson.

Zero. He was so fucking chill with not seeing or touching or being near anyone. He was going pull off this shit like The Martian. He wasn’t going to lose his shit at all.

Seriously.

Official Stilinski Mission Log: Day 3

Friends have abandoned me to my fate. No one is willing to rescue me from my boredom. Have tried calling most boring person possible and he managed to scowl at me over the phone. Not even video, just… an audio scowl. Probably should have recorded that for posterity,

“But you’re immune, right? So just come on over,” Stiles whined into his phone.

“We have no way of knowing that,” Derek said firmly. Apparently he and Scott had been sharing notes, because that was exactly what he’d told Stiles, too.

“Uh, you’re a werewolf who has never had so much as sniffle? Dude, you’re invincible,” Stiles said.

Derek sighed, and Stiles did his best to not memorize the way it sounded in his ear for replaying later on during Special Stiles Time. “Stiles. I’m not breaking quarantine just because you’re bored. It’s been two days.”

“Uh, it has now been three days, thank you very much,” Stiles informed Derek. “And I think that, if you look at the science, you’re wrong.”

“Goodbye, Stiles,” Derek said.

“Wait! At least sing me a song--” but Derek hung up, leaving Stiles stuck in the wasteland that was his room, alone except for Netflix and Fort TP.

Official Stilinski Mission Log: Day 6

Fort TP has become a refuge in these troubled times. Have installed christmas lights and a Ouija board, but so far have been unable to contact any interesting conversationalists. Had brilliant thought about creating a vaccine using werewolf dna, but realized that would infect people with lycanthropy which potentially could cause even more problems long term.

Stiles, after suffering through an online class that was seventy percent his professor talking about the fact that it was an online class, thought he should treat himself, so he video-called Scott.

Scott was deemed essential, since puppies need to be fed and walked and taken care of, so Stiles got to take a tour of the vet’s office and make cooing noises at all the puppers that Scott introduced him to. It was easily the highlight of his week.

After Scott introduced him to a particularly charming shepherd, Stiles casually asked, “So you’ve been in town the last few months… how’s ole grumpypants holding up? Still sad and alone?”

Scott looked up from the dog, and gave Stiles the exact same look he’d just given a beagle who had fruitlessly tried to steal treats from the counter. “Are you asking if Derek is single?”

“Uh, no, I was asking after his mental well-being,” Stiles said defensively.

“He has the pack,” Scott said. He grinned at Stiles. “Single, though. He mentioned you called him.”

“I never.. I was just bored,” Stiles said and abruptly hung up the phone, even though it meant not seeing the shepherd dance with Scott.

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 15

Have new working theory that Beacon Hills is actually under a curse. Maybe i should learn magic to break the spell and return life to normal. Well. What passes for normal around here.

“So like, I’ve had so much time to think, and I realized that this is like freaking utopia for you,” Stiles said. He had chosen to ignore Scott’s teasing and continued to call Derek daily, because Derek was sad enough, he definitely needed the cheering-up that Stiles could provide.

“Is it really?” Derek’s eyebrows did the thing that they do, like they’re emojis punctuating his sentences. Like billboards over Derek’s eyes flashing the eyeroll emoji.

“I mean, brooding, staying at home, not talking to anyone… you must teach me the secrets of your ways,” Stiles said. “It’s totally unfair how good at this you are. Look at you, my man. Lemme see what you’re wearing. Are those actual jeans?”

Derek shifted the camera to focus solely on his face. “Stiles, please tell me you’re wearing pants.”

“Of course I am,” Stiles lied, even though the first rule of Fort TP was No Pants Allowed. And actually, if he was British, he wouldn’t even be lying, a fact that he considered telling Derek smugly before deciding to let it drop. Not his underwear, but the topic.

Not that he would be opposed to dropping his underwear for Derek, but that was neither here nor there. And a topic totally under the purview of ‘things Stiles didn’t let himself think about while actively having a conversation with Hottie McEyebrows.’

Stiles was so desperately horny, was the problem though. It wasn’t that he had an active dating life at college, but he at least had contact with other humans and that somehow made jerking off in the shower less depressing.

And he didn’t regularly video chat with Derek while at college, either, which… possibly was a contributing factor. Derek’s face should be illegal, seriously.

“If you don’t have any more insults for me,” Derek said, “I’m gonna go now.”

“And do what?” Stiles said, hoping for an exciting answer. “Gimme some ideas, Dere-bear.”

Derek blinked a few startled times, looking more like a confused kitten than the werewolf he was, and then said, “I’m going to just. Go. Now.”

Stiles tried to stop him, but the annoying thing about video calls was that he couldn’t fling himself bodily in front of the end-call button.

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 16

Is it normal to miss standing in lines?

When Derek answered, his hair was wet and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Water droplets rolled slowly down his pecs, as if in slow motion.

Stiles made a sound previously only heard from Muppets and turned off his phone.

Mortified, he didn’t call Derek again for two days, even though he hovered his finger longingly over his name at least once an hour.

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 18

A positive in all this: hiding your face in shame is so, so much easier.

Stiles kept replaying the noise he had made upon seeing Derek’s glistening torso -- and it wasn’t even like he’d never seen Derek’s shirtless body, seriously, sometimes it was like Derek was allergic to shirts, and when he did wear them, they were so stupidly tight that they might as well not even exist at all, and his reaction had been --

Well, his reaction had been what his reaction always was, only this time in his outside-voice.

Probably he was making it weirder by not calling Derek for his daily dose of entertainment. Since Derek had to be aware of Stiles’s hormonal reaction to him. He was a werewolf. He could probably sense horny from a mile away.

Though that theory was shot down a bit by exactly how many teenagers Derek had spent prolonged amounts of time with. Stiles sent Scott a slightly panicked do werewolves smell boners text that he immediately regretted.

Scott immediately responded with an upside-down smiley face and not through the phone.

Scott was easily the worst best friend ever. Easily.

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day Whatever

Fort TP is dwindling alarmingly. Must venture into the wastelands to procure building materials.

The grocery store, as it turned out, was still there. Still just standing in the parking lot, lights on, shelves at least mostly full of food and essentials.

Not the essential Stiles was after, though.

He was staring woefully at the empty shelves when he heard the squeak of a cart turning into the aisle, then stopping abruptly.

“Hey, you’re going the wrong way down a one-way---” Stiles began, then stopped just as abruptly as the cart as he realized he was bitching at Derek.

Derek looked like he wanted to slink away into the shadows, but unfortunately for him, no shadows were to be found in the toilet paper aisle. He was wearing a pink floral mask that looked absolutely precious with his leather jacket, and Stiles felt his mouth quirk up into a snicker.

“What?” Derek said defensively.

“You look cute,” Stiles said, which was true on oh so many levels, and he was so happy that his own mask (plaid and not nearly as festive) covered the blush that resulted. Looking closer, he could see that it wasn’t a pink floral mask, but rather, a pink mask covered in tiny pastel chibi wolves.

“Cora thinks she’s funny.”

“Cora is my favorite Hale,” Stiles said cheerfully, a total lie, but worth it to see Derek’s eyebrows veer together crankily.

He edged his cart closer. Close enough that he could tell that Derek, besides having put on actual jeans and leather jacket to venture to the grocery store, also smelled unfairly good. Stiles was pretty sure he smelled like Fruit Loops, and he was wearing sweatpants with a threadbare Beacon Hills t-shirt.

Derek was absolutely close enough to smell him, and his conversation with Scott flashed through his mind like it was accompanied by the Kill Bill sirens. Whatever happened, he couldn’t let Derek know how desperately he wanted him.

Their carts were facing each other, creating a socially responsible barrier that Stiles had never resented so fully until this moment. “They’re out,” he said dumbly, gesturing towards the empty toilet paper shelves.

“Um, isn’t your little house made of toilet paper?” Derek asked. “Do you really need more?”

“It’s a fort, thank you very much,” Stiles said with great dignity.

“Sorry?”

Stiles wondered why Derek always looked so wrong-footed when he was talking to him.

“It’s really nice to see you in person,” he blurted out, because apparently a side effect of never seeing people in the flesh was forgetting how to have a normal interaction with them.

But then Derek’s eyes crinkled in a way that showed he was actually smiling under his mask, and wow, Stiles hated that mask for obscuring that view, and said, “Yeah, it is.”

“Wanna shop together?” Stiles asked, because he was unwilling to walk away.

Derek nodded, and the next hour was the best Stiles had spent in months. Possibly ever, even though he never got to get any closer than six feet away. An entire Derek length, he thought ridiculously. A prone Derek on the floor, that was the distance they had to keep.

Stiles bought way too much junk food and made fun of Derek’s basic groceries. Leaving in separate cars felt like torture.

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 19

Contemplating trips to the grocery store in hopes of bumping into… someone you know… is not socially responsible. Don’t do it, Stilinski.

“Stiles, you realize it’s only been a few weeks, right?” Lydia said. He could hear the tapping of her fingertips on a keyboard in the background, and of course Lydia was still motivated enough to do schoolwork, even when talking to someone as brilliant and entertaining as Stiles.

“Lydia. You’re a genius, you know perfectly well we’ve been at this for 456 agonizing hours.” Stiles was honestly disappointed; he’d thought that Lydia would understand his plight.

“I know, I’ve actually had the time to thoroughly research my final paper,” Lydia said happily. “I’m thinking of trying to get it published.”

“Yeah, I totally am doing that with my papers, too,” Stiles said, which. Theoretically he could, as none of his final papers had been written yet. Probably he could make a scientific breakthrough if he really wanted to.

“Uh-huh,” said Lydia, who knew him entirely too well. “So what’s your quarantine hyperfixation been? Please don’t say that tiger guy.”

“Nope,” Stiles said. “Not a tiger guy.”

“A wolf guy maybe?” Lydia’s voice was sly.

“What did Scott tell you?”

“Nothing,” Lydia sing-songed. “Allison, on the other hand, mentioned that you’re mooning over Tall, Dark and Moody.”

“I am not mooning! I have never mooned in my life,” Stiles protested.

Lydia’s silence was pointed and devastating.

“Okay,” Stiles said, because she had a fair point. “Maybe I’ve been known to moon gently over someone. But. I mean. You’ve seen him. You know what a trainwreck of precious proportions he is. I mean. I can’t help it!”

“Oh, sweetie,” Lydia said gently. “You’ve got it bad.”

Stiles couldn’t even argue. He was so fucked.

Official Stilinksi Mission Log: Day 27

What a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Stiles practically skipped down the stairs, awash in his own brilliance. Building a pantry onto Fort TP was something he couldn’t believe it took him nearly thirty days to come up with.

Well, maybe he could. Things were starting to get a little fuzzy. Probably he should be putting more effort into his schoolwork.

He heard voices as he turned into the living room, but didn’t think anything of it until the couch and table came into view. Well, more notably, his father’s open laptop, full-screened onto an image of Melissa McCall with her shirt flung open.

“Oh my god,” Stiles said as Melissa echoed him and jerked her shirt closed.

“Oh my god,” said the Sheriff, and while his shirt was blissfully on, his pants were clearly unbuttoned, belt hanging open. “I forgot you were here.”

Stiles clamped his hand over his eyes, but his mind traitorously kept replaying the one-second image of Scott’s mom’s tits. “Where else would I be?”

There was a telling silence, and okay, maybe Stiles’ brain wasn’t the only fuzzy one around here.

“I’m just gonna…” Stiles kept his hand over his eyes resolutely as he backed out of the living room towards the front door. “Leave. Now.”

“You don’t have to--” his dad said, though even to Stiles’ ears it didn’t sound sincere.

“Bye,” Stiles said, flinging himself out the front door and finally removing his hand from his eyes. Then he remembered, oh yeah, keys are a thing that exist, and knocked loudly before opening the door again and grabbing them.

Stiles drove aimlessly around town, drumming his fingertips on his steering wheel, full of nervous energy. He thought about calling Scott, but he didn’t trust himself to not blurt out something about how great his mom’s tits were, so he decided that only one of them truly needed to be traumatized this day. Things were rough enough as is.

Eventually, aimless driving lead him to the parking lot outside Derek’s loft. Stiles sat in the Jeep for a few long moments, trying to decide whether this was a good idea or not, before deciding, fuck it.

He went inside. Knocked on Derek’s door, like that was a normal thing he did all the time. And when Derek opened a few moments later, a confused look on his face, Stiles further added to his confusion by flinging himself forward. His rough plan had been to hug him -- it had been so long since he’d had physical contact -- but apparently his body didn’t quite get that memo and instead he kissed him, full on the lips.

“Mmrph?” Derek said into his mouth, which -- okay, that made it even better. Derek seemed to think so, too, as the kiss lasted way longer than an impulsive greeting-kiss between friends ought to. Probably included more tongue, too, but who was Stiles to say that wasn’t normal.

When they broke apart, panting, and Derek looking almost preciously confused, Stiles said, “Hey, now we have to quarantine together. Neat.”

“What?” Derek blinked at him a few times.

Stiles pushed his way into Derek’s loft, glorying in how different it was from his own room, and said, “I’m just gonna hang out here until the plague’s up.”

He headed over to the sink, washing his hands like a responsible houseguest as he explained the situation. “And they were doing that right there, in front of my Twizzlers!” he concluded.

Derek just said, “Everyone’s a little frustrated right now…” like he thought that the Sheriff had every right to have sexy video meetings right there in the living room.

“Of course we are!” Stiles exclaimed, inadvertently flinging soap across the room. He finished rinsing his hands as he said, “but we keep that shit to our bedrooms and the shower, right?”

There was a faint flush to Derek’s unfairly beautiful cheekbones, and -- oh, okay, so maybe Derek didn’t. Stiles cast his eyes around the room and felt a montage of Derek having Special Derek Time in various spots around the loft flash before his eyes. Probably now Derek wasn’t the only one blushing.

“Well,” Stiles said. “I mean.” He looked around again. “As your houseguest, I grant you full permission to do… whatever you like… in the living room.”

“Gracious of you,” Derek muttered. Then he looked back at the door. “Wait, houseguest? You don’t even have bags.”

Stiles didn’t. Stiles decided to brazen it out. “Where we’re going, I won’t need bags. Or clothes. Hopefully?”

Derek blinked at him again, and Stiles decided that meant to go for it, so he kissed him again, this time with intent.

“Yeah, okay, it is unprecedented times,” Derek mumbled into his mouth. “Clothes are very much optional.”

Stiles didn’t need to be told twice.

#my fic #sterek #quarantine fic #teen wolf

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aeneasx · 5 years

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artists

Aries - Lady Gaga

Aries, the first and most rambunctious of the twelve signs. They are outgoing, wild, energetic and most importantly courageous! They're said to be the life of the party and always the center of attention, with their bold personalities it's hard to miss an Aries. So it makes a lot of sense that Lady Gaga is an Aries, just look at her. It's clear she embodies these traits -- her confidence is blatantly obvious and she is definitely the center of attention at almost every event she attends. She makes herself known and never shies away from the spotlight. Gaga also demonstrates some of Aries' negative tendencies -- she is definitely impulsive and can at times be quite aggressive in her delivery of art and herself. This woman is the definition of an Aries, so for all those Arians out there (me included), we've got one hell of a role model!

Taurus - Adele

These are the chill, somewhat stubborn, people of the signs. They enjoy the luxuries of life whilst indulging in their home comforts, ensuring they're comfortable at all times and rarely enjoy fast paced changes. These people are the rocks, they're reliable and stable, and they're the ones we count on in our needs of friendship and advice. Well, obviously Adele is a Taurus! She literally radiates stability and loyalty, to her fans and more so her music. Taurus' have a special tenderness to the things they hold dear, and as we have seen through Adele's lyrics and music she devotes herself to her creativity and relationships. She's all about finding that satisfaction in life, from her work and the people who surround her. She's lovable because of her realistic perspective on the world, especially through her downright stubbornness to complete her goals. Adele you are a loud and pride Taurus and we love you for it!

Gemini - Kanye West

If we had to guess what star sign Kanye was, Gemini is definitely the first that would come mind. He's sociable, flexible and has a confusingly large number of different personas. Geminis are known as the "twins," as they can have multiple personalities, or sides to them that they choose to show to the world. This makes them extremely versatile when it comes to socializing, as they can effortlessly blend into almost any social circle. They usually have a wide group of friends and love to experiment and venture into every aspect of life they can. This is pretty clear with Kanye, with his musical endeavors, his fashion ventures, and maybe even his potential presidency… There's no doubt he's inspirational and never boring, just like every other Gemini out there. Although the negative characteristics of a Gemini revolve around this indecisiveness that they face and can lead into nervous energy, which has been seen from Kanye from time to time.

Cancer - Solange Knowles

Cancers, the crabs of the zodiac. They're emotional, sensitive, and highly imaginative people. They can sometimes be difficult to get to know due to that tough shell they have to protect their highly sensitive nature. Cancers are a water sign, meaning their lives are driven by a fluidity of emotion, constantly making decisions based on their heart rather than their head. Solange is evidence of this, especially in regards to the trait that Cancers are deeply intuitive. Through her music, Solange shows us the deepest parts of herself and her culture, just like Cancers do. They are big family people, constantly resulting back to that sentimentality that comes from their heritage and family. Solange uses her music as a means to express these emotions, whilst maintaining her guard for protection against the world and it's attacks. Their drive to help others and support those close to them resonates with Solange, especially in regards to those oppressed. She acknowledges her position and uses all of that love as a means of expression in the wider world. Oh Solange, you're a crab with a big heart.

Leo - Madonna

These people born under the sign of Leo are dynamic and dramatic in almost every aspect of their life. They live to be admired by others and it's honestly difficult to resist their charming natures. Due to the image of a Lion, these people embody that "king of the jungle" status, especially in regards to their pride. They hate having their name or image tarnished and strive to be the best in their field. They're natural born leaders, similar to Aries hence why these two stars get along so well. Madonna in her wild, almost obnoxious, way is a true Leo. She is fearless in her decision and embraces her quirks, creating this air of admiration around her. This confidence can at times be translated into arrogance, which Madonna definitely has, but it doesn't deter people, rather it has the opposite effect. These people alike with Madonna, are driven by personal gain and success, which can create a lack of understanding for others needs. Madonna changed the face of pop music with her outrageous stunts and style, making her unforgettable, the ultimate definition of success for a Leo.

Virgo - Michael Buble

Virgos are the perfectionists of the zodiac and in turn are the biggest worries. They're constantly dealing with feelings of inadequacy and living up to their own expectations. These people are highly methodical and practical in their everyday lives and thrive on organization. Virgos have a strong sense of humanity which makes them excellent communicators as they respond with tenderness and care in everything they do. Although Michael Buble may not elicit these traits as obviously as other artists, he definitely radiates a strong humanitarian aspect. His kind nature is clear in all of his interviews and his music is extremely well thought out and follows a strict criteria. It's an almost perfect model for his swing/jazzy style of music, which in itself is such a Virgo genre of music. He embraces his sense of control and uses it as a tool to express himself, conveying his message clearly and easily so others can understand.

Libra - Halsey

Libras are the scales, priding themselves on their intuitive need for balance and weighing up their options. They are deeply creative people and need to be surrounded by the arts to feel fulfilled. Music and culture are always big conversation topics for these people and they thrive with others who have opinions and offer new and interesting perspectives. They have a peaceful air about them making them easy going friends and non confrontational, you will rarely ever get into an argument with a Libra. Halsey has this balanced air about her, specifically in regards to her public persona. She's known to voice opinions that are just and fair, reflective of her Libra qualities. Her various collaborations with other artists proves this desire to be surrounded by interesting people and exploring different perspectives and points of view. Her composed personality and appearance is very Libra, she's so well rounded it's an inspiration for all Libras.

Scorpio - Lorde

Scorpios seem to always get a bad rep just because they're somewhat jealous at times and can express themselves kind of violently, but it doesn't mean they're bad people! These people are determined and brave, making them quite successful in their designated area. Known for their resourcefulness, Scorpios make great leaders as a mysterious higher being. They have a cool air to them, which creates this kind of detached vibe to many people. However they're deeply emotional, especially in regards to dishonesty and suspicion. These traits lead to their determination to find the truth, focusing on living experiences. Lorde demonstrates this in her bravery to break boundaries and delve deeper into herself and the world around her. Her decision to cancel her tour in Israel is an example of Scorpios' stubborn convictions on matters close to them. She is fierce, in her appearance as well as her personality, but not to the point where it's frightening or off putting. These people are very popular due to their bravery, and clearly Lorde is a brave woman to have made such a career so early in life! Lorde you're an icon and you bring back Scorpio's good name!

Sagittarius - Nicki Minaj

A Sagittarius is a brash and wildly enthusiastic person. Their senses of humor usually define them, as people respond to this kind of energy positively. These people have an idealistic way of looking at life, and when coupled with their intense curiosity they can achieve their dreams. This need to be free to explore makes them worldly travelers, constantly seeking new and exciting adventures. However this desire to be moving all the time can lead to impatience and a less than tactful way of dealing with issues. Nicki is literally every part of a Sagittarius -- she's extremely funny and willing to experiment with different things throughout her career. Her curiosity is satisfied by trialling new personas and new ways of expressing herself. She is definitely known for her impulsive statements, but we love her for it!

Capricorn - Marilyn Manson

Capricorns are the last of the earth signs of the zodiac, making them highly grounded and disciplined. They are extremely responsible people, making them able to manage others and delegate work. These people have a deep sense of independence and pride themselves on their ability to focus on their professional and personal lives with little distraction. This strong realistic component to their character gives them the ability to make solid and practical plans where they will always follow through. Marilyn Manson appears to be a strange Capricorn, but there are several traits that he embodies perfectly. Although his eccentricity is similar to that of an Aries (these two signs are very alike) his forward thinking and ability to make things happen reflect on Capricorn. His unforgiving nature towards people who veer away from his values, and he can definitely get caught up in these negative perspectives. However, his stubbornness has been one of the contributing factors to his success, so despite his outwardly weird appearance, he is a Capricorn through and through.

Aquarius - Ed Sheeran

Aquarians are an air sign and embrace the world of possibilities. They're forward thinkers and are usually quite revolutionary in their actions. They are intellectual people and need constant mental stimulation to feel fulfilled in life. People born under this sign are similar to Libras in their ability to see different perspectives, and can make amazing mediators between contrasting sides. Ed is literally the sweetest Aquarian, he is kind, nurturing, and very future focused. They are originally humanists and thrive around other people, as does Ed, evident in all of his celebrity friendships. His work to help promote freedom of speech and equality for all is a huge Aquarius trait, making them influential due to their flamboyant natures. Ed, you're a gorgeous Aquarius and we're glad to have you!

Pisces - Rihanna

These people are the most tolerant of all signs, making them the most easy going and understanding. They're giving people without the hope of receiving anything in return for their good deeds, which can lead to them becoming martyr type icons. They're a water sign and so are driven by their compassion for others, especially paired with their gentle natures. Rihanna is a generous understanding human as evident in all of her activist and humanitarian work. One of the most prominent traits of Pisces are their innate musical abilities, which obviously Rihanna has in overload. Her wise speeches and knowledge is a clear reflection of Pisces and continues to demonstrate her love for people and individuals stories. These people have a comprehensive understanding of life and so form many relationships, as does Rihanna with not just her numerous friends but her fans as well. Pisces have all have a beautiful role model too look up to, if Rihanna can embody this sign and emit such positivity you can too!

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irelise · 5 years

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the yew tree 1.2/?

Erik has worked with Sebastian Shaw, mutant revolutionary, ever since Shaw rescued him from human experimentation when he was a boy. He is reluctantly enlisted to assist in Shaw’s newest scheme: seducing the wealthy and enigmatic Lord Xavier and claiming his vast fortune. With Shaw posing as Xavier’s doctor, Erik goes undercover as Xavier’s personal manservant to convince him to fall in love with Shaw.

But Xavier has secrets of his own, and it isn’t long before Erik starts having second thoughts about the whole thing…

(the handmaiden inspired au - no canon knowledge required

start reading here!)

Warnings for this part: past suicide Rating: M Word count: 2189

Sebastian had prepared tea for them today; most generous. He balances the cup on his saucer, breathing in the smoky scent as he watches Sebastian move around the room.

“And how have things been progressing on your end? Any complications?” Sebastian asks.

“Not as such, but I admit he is different from what I was expecting.”

“Oh? I’ve always thought he was simple. No depth to him at all. It’s why I chose him for this plan.”

His skin itches. “Do try not to ruin everything with your overconfidence.”

Sebastian laughs. It’s an unpleasant sound, far too smug by half. “You worry too much.” He picks up a book. “Ready to move onto the next phase?”

***

Erik knocks on the door, a stack of books balanced precariously in his arms. “In the study,” Xavier calls, and Erik lets himself in.

Xavier is at his desk, the gas lamp bathing his face in a warm glow. “Erik! How did your errand for Dr. Schmidt go?”

“He wanted you to have these.” Erik sets the books on the desk and steps back. Xavier picks up one immediately, flicking it open.

“Oh, this is wonderful. Come see, Erik.”

Obligingly, Erik steps closer again, peering at the pages. The paper is of fine quality, the print crisp and clear, but the text itself is too technical for him to grasp without further study.

“Dr. Schmidt has kindly agreed to tutor me in the medical sciences,” Xavier says, sounding delighted. “He said he would lend me a few books from his personal collection; this must be it.”

Erik shakes his head. “No, these are for you to keep. A gift, he said.”

“Truly?”

And here’s an opportunity to slip in another sly comment about Shaw’s high regard for Xavier, but there’s a bad taste in Erik’s mouth as he says, “He’s told me that you’re one of the cleverest people he’s ever met, and he would be honoured to help you achieve your potential.”

A charming dusting of pink settles over Xavier’s cheeks and he absently flips to another page. “It’s very kind of him to say. Going to university has always been one of my dearest ambitions, but my health makes it impossible, and my uncle has been reluctant to hire more tutors for me when it’s unlikely I’ll be able to put their knowledge to any practical use. Have you had much formal schooling, Erik?”

“No.”

“But you’re literate?”

“Yes, Dr. Schmidt taught me my letters and numbers. Basic sciences. Enough to get by.”

Xavier toys absently with his book, tongue darting out to run against his upper lip. “Would you – that is, only if you want to, would you like to join me in the evenings when I study? I’m sure you’ve noticed already –” Xavier glances at the bookshelves around them “– evolution and genetics are my preferred fields, but I have plenty of old textbooks lying around on all manner of subjects. I’m sure we can find something to your interest.”

Erik is no academic. He values knowledge only for its practical use, but something in him stirs at the thought of learning about mutation – his heritage – even if it’s from a human.

There’s just one thing holding him back. “…What do you want from me?”

“I’m sorry?”

He knows he shouldn’t be questioning Xavier like this, but he can’t stop worrying at the question like a hound on the scent. “Men like you, men of your station, they don’t just offer things. So tell me, what do you really want?”

That unreadable look comes over Xavier’s eyes again. “Oh, my friend. You’re so quick to believe the worst in people.”

My friend? Erik bristles defensively at the appellation. “I have my reasons.”

“I know,” Xavier says simply. “And I’m sure they’re good reasons. Better safe than sorry, yes?

“Exactly.” He isn’t going to let Xavier off the hook. Erik looks at him, angling his chin up in challenge. “Well?”

Xavier’s mouth quirks, giving him a rueful look. “Would you believe it if I said I’m lonely?”

And there it is again – Xavier’s damnable openness about his own weakness. A familiar spark of anger flares up in Erik’s chest. “So, what, am I going to be your charity case? Are you going to pretend I’m your equal? Your friend? I can’t be your equal and your servant at the same time, my lord, that’s not the way things work.”

Xavier looks surprised, and then delighted, the madman. Erik scowls. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing at all.” He smiles. “Thank you for your honesty, Erik. So, is that a yes to evening lessons?”

“Did you hear a single word I said?”

Xavier laughs, rising to his feet. “Come, let’s see if we can find a good textbook for you to start with.”

***

They develop a routine after that. Every evening, after Erik retrieves Xavier from his sessions with Shaw, he helps Xavier bathe and brings him dinner (Xavier must have an enormous lunch with his uncle, because his dinners are as frugal as his breakfasts), then the two of them retreat to the study, sitting side by side either on the armchairs or at the desk, depending on what strikes Xavier’s fancy that particular night. Often, Xavier reads aloud to him – and all that poetry reading must be good training, because Xavier is an engaging speaker, with just the right balance of liveliness and seriousness. His enunciation is perfect, and Erik admits (very privately) that his accent has a certain charm.

Tonight, Xavier reads from a book on the origins of humankind: “As we peer back through the fossil record,” he recites, “through layer upon layer of long-extinct species, many of which thrived far longer than the human species is ever likely to do, we are reminded of our mortality as a species.”

Xavier pauses, and Erik watches the back-and-forth dart of Xavier’s eyes as he scans the page before continuing.

“There is no law that declares the human animal to be different, as seen in this broad biological perspective, from any other animal.” And with an air of finality, Xavier concludes: “There is no law that declares the human species to be immortal.”

Erik scoffs, rearranging his long legs into a more comfortable position. “Leakey must be delusional if he seriously believes that humans will quietly lie down and accept their own extinction.”

Xavier looks up at him. The gas lamp casts soft shadows, smoothing the angles of his face. He looks impossibly young. “Really? Personally, I find it quite comforting to know I’m part of something bigger.”

Scowling, Erik waits for Xavier to start preaching we’re all part of a bigger, unseen plan; we should strive to live humbly and obediently, but Xavier only says: “Even if I were to die tomorrow, nothing about the world will change. The Earth will continue with or without me – just as it will continue even after the last human is gone.” His gaze flicks past Erik, to the window, and he smiles ruefully. “I’m sorry, my friend, I don’t think I’m explaining this very well.”

“You’re not,” Erik grumbles. “The way you talk, it sounds like you think nothing lasts.”

“You don’t agree?”

“I don’t. I’ve seen too many people hide behind that sort of philosophy as an excuse to do nothing.”

Xavier looks delighted. “Why, Erik, are you calling me lazy?”

Mad, he’s absolutely mad. “You’re free to interpret it however you want,” Erik shoots back, wondering why he isn’t more annoyed at Xavier. “All I’m saying is – you’re bright. You’ve got the money and the connections. If you wanted to, you could make a lasting difference.”

“A difference to what?” Xavier is looking out the window again.

Mutants, Erik thinks. He follows Xavier’s gaze, looking past the deep dark of the yew tree, past the fencing that marks the boundaries of the property, all the way to the emptiness beyond. He wonders if it’s true, if Xavier has never left the estate since his arrival here.

“What’s important to you?” He finally asks.

Xavier closes his eyes. “I don’t know.”

Erik wants to shake him, but he just takes a steadying breath. “Then that’s something you need to figure out,” he says gruffly. “You’re not going to spend your whole life inside this mansion.”

“Sometimes I wonder.” Xavier shakes his head, sitting up a little straighter as he props his book open again. “Well! That was certainly a tangent. Let’s keep going, shall we?”

Erik can recognize someone trying to make an escape. He almost presses the point – but then reality floods back in and he remembers, for the first time that night, the mission. He’s only a servant here, no matter how much familiarity Xavier treats him with.

“We were talking about extinction,” he prompts Xavier.

“Right, yes. The extinction of the human race – that’s quite a thought, isn’t it?”

“It does seem unlikely.” More’s the pity. “It’s in human nature to fight to the bitter end.”

Xavier taps at his bottom lip. “Must it always come down to a fight? Extinction can happen for all sorts of reasons. You remember when we’ve read about the Neanderthals?”

“That’s a terrible example,” Erik says dryly, “considering violent conflict with Homo sapiens caused their extinction.”

“That’s only one theory – one of a number of factors, in fact.” Xavier’s mouth curves into a generous smile. “I prefer the theory that interbreeding – a result of peaceful cohabitation with Homo sapiens – had contributed to their fade.”

“Make love, not war? All that poetry of yours has filled your head with too many stories, Charles.”

Wait. Xavier is looking at him with bright eyes. You used my name, Erik can almost hear him say.

This wasn’t – This isn’t supposed to happen. What is he doing – playing house with Shaw’s toy, teasing and bantering and debating? The drumbeat of his heart rolls against his chest like thunder. He’s making a mistake. He’s getting too close.

“Erik.” In the space of a blink, Xavier has leaned forward. His fingers are warm where they curl around Erik’s wrist, grounding him. “It doesn’t have to be a fight all the time.”

He breaths out harshly, no longer sure what they’re talking about. “Yes. It does.”

“No.” The firelight catches Xavier’s eyes, scattering gold along the lines of intensity on his face. “We – both of us, and all humans, for that matter – we can choose the better path. We all have the potential to make the right choices.”

Xaviers’ fingers are a firebrand against his skin. Erik swallows, pulling his wrist away. “If you’re going to pin your hopes on other people’s potential, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.”

“But I must,” Xavier murmurs. “If I can’t have hope, then what else is left?”

God. Shaw is going to destroy him. Erik is going to hand him to Shaw on a silver platter and Shaw will suck him dry and toss his broken body aside. Desperately, Erik reminds himself that Xavier is only a human, a spoiled entitled human too lazy and complacent to look past the high walls of his opulent cage.

The words ring hollow.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growls softly. “The world isn’t as kind as you think it is.”

“Maybe not, but you are kinder than you think you are.”

Erik huffs out a sardonic laugh. “No. I’m really not.”

Suddenly, he can’t bear to be in the room for another second longer. “May I be excused?”

It’s a crisp and clear night outside. Erik breathes in deep, the cool breeze settling into his lungs, his heart, his head. An exhale, and he pictures the choked mess of his thoughts flowing out of him, leaving his mind clear once more, his convictions once more solidifying, crystallising.

Gravel crunches under his boots as he makes his way through the grounds, and then he’s leaving the path behind, treading through grassy fields. It’s peaceful here, his only company the wind and the soft background hum of wildlife.

Before him, the yew tree looms, its diameter impossibly thick, the complex tangle of its branches sweeping wide. Yew trees are among the longest-lived, Erik recalls. This tree was here long before he was born, and it will still be here long after he dies. He looks up at the gnarled branches, thinking about Charles, thinking about the night they first met, thinking about a noose and a pale, dangling body.

A low stone wall stands just behind the yew tree, demarcating the edges of the property. He could just leave right now, Shaw be damned. Erik can see it so clearly: vaulting over the stone wall, following the road until he reaches a village, stealing a ride on an automobile, on and on until he returns to where he’s supposed to be. The safehouse. The Brotherhood. He can return to the fight right now, and Shaw can’t stop him. His fingers clench as he pictures the facilities, the scream of steel and the screams of the humans all twisting and collapsing together in a spray of iron.

Erik turns and walks back to the mansion.

(next part)

#cherik #xmfc #my writing

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