Tumgik
#'Anna - never any force' her divorce went by quietly
princesskiii · 1 year
Note
Drop some trauma headcanons for our favorite dead tudor queens >:)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
 𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 !
Trauma, like bad shit crazy trauma/j, angst, ofc
↳ Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anna of Cleves, Kathryn Howard, Catherine Parr
Tumblr media
Catherine of Aragon
☆ Mentally stable who
☆ Abandonment issues
☆ Completely believes the other queens will ditch her if she's not perfect enough
☆ Also generally fears being alone
☆ And any and all pains in her abdomen
☆ There's a common rule not to let any stomach virus reach her
☆ It got put in place after she got in a complete state of panic, believing she would die again.
☆ Can not be left in the house alone without her mind resorting to when she was imprisoned
☆ It terrifies her
Anne Boleyn
☆ The 'chaos gremlin' thing is a front
☆ She got killed for (among other things) being smart and standing her ground
☆ Continously afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing
☆ Corrected Aragon on something once, terrified to look her in the eyes for weeks
☆ Probably smartest person in the house, absolutely terrified of it
☆ Has spirals where she'll do anything the queens ask, her inobedience was another reason for her dearh
Jane Seymour
☆ Common hc, but terrified of illnesses
☆ Even the slightest headache will send her spiraling
☆ Similarly to Anne, has spirals where she'll do anything the queens ask
☆ But she'll be incredibly quiet and reserved, attempting to stay in their shadow
☆ She's extremely motherly, even if she's among the youngest
☆ She never got a chance
☆ Doesn't share om her opinion much, afraid it start a fight
Anna of Cleves
☆ Incredibly insecure
☆ She knows many people in history compliment her on her looks, but when a king says it
☆ Terrified of people sneaking up on her, even if it's any back hugs
☆ There's an unspoken rule to never even slightly startle her
☆ Incredible fear of storms too, surprisingly the reason the queens are all togheter during thunderstorms
☆ almost opposite to what the show well, shows. She's rather humble and timid. Never having any force to anything she says or does
Kathryn Howard
☆ The obvious
☆ terrified of men, to the point of having to physically stick to one of the other queens
☆ catches herself sexualizing herself
☆ Or sugarcoating her expierences, trying to make them seem fun and pleasureful instead of gruesome rape
☆ Is the youngest, does not enjoy it
☆ Always feels like she has to prove she's a well capable adult, she's 19 for god's sake
☆ The thought of even trying a relationship with anyone terrifies her
☆ Most of her memories are painful blurs to her
Catherine Parr
☆ Very similair to Jane, actually.
☆ Terrified of illnesses as well, will also spiral at the slightest headache
☆ Keeps to themselves a lot, their opinion almost had them lose their head.
☆ Apologizes to Anne almost everyday, even if they had no idea what they were doing at the time
☆ Is technically part of mom club(tm), Never got to actually be a mom to their (bio) daughter. Deals with it differently from Jane, has trouble actually being motherly
☆ Terrified of the others keeping secrets from them, or not saying anything when their being annoying or anything
68 notes · View notes
janeyseymour · 3 years
Text
"the wrath of mama seymour- or whatever the hell I’ve been labelled as" -Jane
Jane takes it upon herself to handle some nasty comments one particular account has been leaving the queens.
WC: 3072
For the most part, the queens got rave reviews, and their queendom was full of love and support. Every once in a while though, the queens got some hate, specifically Anna of Cleves and Jane Seymour- the two queens who arguably had it the least bad. While the others got hate sometimes, it was never anything that the queens would deem as true. Some might tell Katherine or Anne that they were “whores”, but the two knew this was not true. History might have depicted them as this, but they lived their lives. They knew they weren’t. Anne had actively tried to reject the king, and Katherine was forced into her situations. What these people had said about Jane and Anna was true- or at least those two thought so.
The fourth queen wasn’t one to put up with the comments. She would openly complain about them to the other queens, and she had even made it a point to call out the hateful comments that she got. Jane Seymour wasn’t like this.
The silver queen, hot-tempered and not so kind in her first life, knew that if she had said anything, it would only fuel the hate comments. So, she stayed quiet about it, letting these comments eat at her slowly.
“You’re responsible for Anne’s death. Don’t you feel even the slightest bit guilty about that? Bitch.”
“We all know the “i’m a kind sweet mum” act is fake. If you’re a bitch, just show it and let us hate you.”
“You don’t even deserve to be in the show. You had it the easiest.”
“The only one he truly loved? He only loved you because you had a son. But that son died before he could even do anything. After you died, you still failed. You don’t deserve to be remembered as queen, and you definitely don’t deserve to be in the likes of the other queens.”
That one hurt. That one comment hurt. The third queen did what she could to let it roll off her shoulders, but to no avail. That comment made her stomach flip.
Still, she did her best to stay kind, finally deciding to put out a video on her Instagram in attempts to stop the hate coming her way.
“Hi queendom. It’s Jane,” she said as sweetly as she could. “I’m here to address something with all of you. As we know, the idea of the queendom is to build others up, not tear them down. Now, I know we all know I say in my song that I’m unbreakable.” She paused, mulling over how she was going to word this. Her tone lowered a bit as she spoke quietly, “But the truth is, I’m not.” Her voice broke a bit as she said this. “I see every comment you all leave. I see every direct message, every private message, all of it. The kind comments are so lovely, and I appreciate them all so much. The not-so-kind comments are few and far between, and for that I’m thankful, but the ones that I do see hurt. I think we all just need a reminder to be kind to one another. Please remember the golden rules we were all taught: treat people the way that you want to be treated. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. That’s all I have to say for today, but I’ll leave you with this- you are enough. I’m sending you all so much love! Thank you.” She blew a kiss to the phone and waved before turning the camera off. 
Almost immediately, fans started outpouring love to the third queen.
Roseamongstthethorns: i just wanna know who said something mean to jane because we are going to have some words
Sixqueenswalkintoabar: @janeyseymour we love u pls know that
AnnieBoleyn: whos talkin shit on my janey. I’ll fight em for u
Jane rolled her eyes at the green queen’s comment before replying.
JaneySeymour: @annieboleyn, i’m just speaking in general terms. Also, language dear.
AnnieBoleyn: @janeyseymour i say what i want #sorrynotsorry
Catherine_Aragon: you chaotic gremlin @annieboleyn
Jane laughed a bit at what Catherine had commented when she saw a notification pop up. A direct message from the account that had left that one particularly nasty comment.
Stop acting like you don’t talk shit on people. All you did was talk shit on Anne in your last life. That’s what got you the “queenly position” that you clearly didn’t deserve in the first place. Right? Just shut up bitch.
And so, Jane shut up. She ended up deleting her last post where all she did was try to address the issue, something that the other queens did quite often. She almost deleted her entire page accidentally (or not-so-accidentally if you asked the third queen).
“Janey! What are you trying to do: delete your whole account?” Anne teased. 
“N-No,” the silver queen stammered out. “I-I uh, was just trying to delete a post. I guess I just hit the wrong button. Could you show me how?” She feigned confusion. It worked- the blonde was always asking for social media guidance anyway. 
Everyday, this hateful account would send her messages. And every single day, against her better judgement, she opened the messages. The silver queen would roll her eyes and try to go on with her day, but it was affecting her, and the other queens were starting to take notice. 
“Mum?” Katherine tried to get her adoptive mother’s attention. “Are you okay?” She had glanced at Jane, who was staring at her phone with tears in her eyes. 
“Hmm?” The blonde lifted her gaze to the pink haired queen. “Oh.” She blinked away the tears. “I’m just fine dear. Just-”
“Are you having some trouble reading what’s on your screen?” The fifth queen was trying to be helpful. It was known in the house that the blonde wasn’t the most educated when it came to reading and writing. It was also known that Jane sometimes had a hard time reading what was on her screen if she didn’t have her glasses. “Here. I can help you.”
“Oh no, it’s nothing. I just-” The blonde was interrupted when the youngest queen took the phone out of her hand and read over the message on the screen, a horrified look appearing on her face. 
“This fucking account,” Katherine huffed. 
“Kit,” Jane sighed, never one for cursing unless necessary.
“Mum, this is necessary. This account has been harassing all of us.”
“Have they really been?” Jane’s interest piqued. Kat nodded her head. “Interesting.”
Over the next few days, Jane stayed quiet on social media. She saw the tweets and the comments on her “most recent post” asking why she deleted the video of her talking about being kind. Before she made her next move, she had to speak to the other queens. 
“Hey Lina?” Jane asked one night as she was making dinner, the first queen accompanying her. 
“What’s up Jane?”
“Kat told me about this horrid account and how they’ve been sending all of us hate messages. Do you mind if I take a look at what they’ve been sending you?”
“If you want, but you have to promise you won’t go all Mum.”
“I- I can’t promise that, but I’ll do my best.” The Hispanic handed over her phone, the messages already on screen. The first queen knew the exact account she was alluding to.
Queenly my ass. If you were so queenly, Henry wouldn’t have gone through all of the trouble he went through to divorce your sorry ass.
“What the-” 
“It’s really not a big deal mija. Whoever this is, they don’t matter. Just leave it be.”
“Annie?” Jane wandered into the second queen’s room as they were all winding down for bed that night.
“What’s up Janey? Need some makeup remover again?” the green queen laughed as she scrounged her room for the wipes that the third queen asked for every once in a while.
“Actually, no. I bought a big thing of them the other day. I came to ask about something else.”
“Oh. What’s up?” Anne unceremoniously threw herself down on her bed. 
“Kit and Lina were telling me about this awful account that has been-”
“Do you want to see the messages?” The blonde nodded, and the green queen threw her phone at the blonde. 
You deserved to be beheaded, you whore. You should’ve never been queen in the first place, chasing after the king and getting him to divorce Catherine. How does it feel to be so wanted for such a short amount of time before all you were was another body?
“Annie, know that is not true.”
“I know Janey. Why do you think I’ve just ignored it? He’s not worth any of our time anyway.”
“I mean, he’s going right against the entire reason for our show.”
“Yeah, but he’s just not worth it. Don’t go all Mama Bear on him, okay?” Jane shrugged.
“Cleves?” Jane made her way into the kitchen first thing in the morning. “Are you back from your run yet?” She pulled her robe close to her body, muffling a yawn as she reached for the coffee pot.
“Seymour, you’re up early,” the fourth queen noted as she walked in through the back door.
“Well you know we’re both the earliest risers. Anyway, I have a question for you.”
“You wanna see my phone to check for any messages from that one shit account on Instagram?”
“How- how did you know?” Jane sputtered, flabbergasted.
“I heard you talking to Aragon and Boleyn. Here.” Anna tossed the blonde her phone.
“I don’t have my glasses with me. Oh boy.” Jane squinted her eyes to see the text on the phone.
Ugly bitch. How’s it feel following the only queen he truly loved, only to be rejected 6 months later? Shouldn’t even be compared to the other five. No idea how you managed to get yourself into the group, you irrelevant bitch.
“What he said isn’t true Cleves. You earned your place here.”
“What he said isn’t far from the truth Seymour. I know I didn’t have it the worst. I arguably had it the best if we’re being honest.”
“Please don’t let what he said get to you.”
“Hey Cath?” Jane wandered into the writer’s room late at night, two mugs of tea in hand.
“What’s up Jane? Can't sleep?”
“Not really. I’ve had a few things on my mind lately.”
“That account that’s just been shitting on all of us lately?” The sixth queen looked at the blonde knowingly. Jane just nodded.
“Here.” Cathy handed over.
What other stories do you have to claim? How about the one where you allowed your husband to groom Elizabeth, Anne’s precious daughter, and you joined in? Why don’t you reclaim that one, you sick twisted bastard?
“He’s-” Jane started.
“He’s not wrong.”
“Anne’s forgiven you for that.”
“She has, but I’ll never forgive myself. Is there a reason you’re so invested in this one account?”
“They’ve sent some not so kind things to me in the past few days.”
“Hey Kat?” Jane nudged the girl sitting next to her. When she heard a hum, she continued, “Can you tell me what that one account was saying to you?”
“Oh, it’s really nothing far from what other hate messages I’ve gotten.”
“Can I see? Only if you want to show me. You don’t have to of course.” The pink haired queen silently passed her phone over. The blonde adjusted the glasses on her face before she began to read. 
You whore. You deserved to die. And I hope you felt that axe come down on your neck.
“Oh my god.” Jane was disgusted. 
Did you really think you posting a stupid video of yourself speaking about being kind would stop me? It won’t. You six are all terrible women and it’s honestly deplorable that you would paint yourselves to be angels and use your stories to embrace the power of women when you know you have no power. You never did. You were all terrible people in your past lives. There is no way you changed that much in your present life. Worthless bitches. 
To say the blonde was fuming was an understatement.
The next day, Jane went live- something she had never done before. It took her a few tries, but she was able to figure it out without any help from her fellow queens.
“Hello sweet queendom,” Jane said sweetly as she still tried to adjust her camera. “The other queens are out for the day, so I figured I would go live. We’re just going to wait a bit until a few more people get here, but then I have something that I’d like to say.”
The third queen greeted as many fans as she could as they made her way into the live, but she kept her eyes peeled for the one account that was sending them all hatred. As soon as she saw them enter, the warmth and love that had been in her eyes vanished.
“Ah, okay. I think we can get this started.”
Roseamongstthethorns: Why did you delete the video of you telling people to spread kindness?
“Well Rose, that’s actually why you’re all here right now. I have something to say about the hate that the fellow queens and I have been getting. So listen up, because I’m only going to say this once. Do you hear that, instagrammer1549?” She knew she was being ballsy calling out this one particular account, but there were no names attached to the account. She wasn’t doing anything to put this person full of hatred in danger. 
“We can all deal with some of the not so kind comments that are thrown our way. We as queens choose to ignore them and carry on with what we do because we love what we do. We support each other, and we hope that using our voices and sharing a part of our story will help empower other women to share their stories too. We’re all in this together. However, when you start coming at us for things that we couldn’t prevent, like... dying... let’s say, it is absolutely disgusting. Catherine couldn’t prevent being divorced. She handled that situation like a queen, even going as far to get down on her hands and knees and beg Henry to let her know what she did wrong. Anne refused the king for years. I couldn’t help that I died, and I certainly couldn’t help that my son, who you have no right to talk about, was plagued with a sickness that took him much too soon from this earth. You have no right to talk to Anna like that. She was beautiful then, and she is beautiful now. And even if she wasn’t so beautiful on the outside, she is so much more beautiful on the inside than you could ever be. You sending those comments does not help your case much. Katherine was forced into those relationships. She was a mere child, and we all know that children can not consent. How very dare you go and tell a young woman that you hope she felt it as the axe came down on her neck. What kind of, as you called Cathy, “sick, twisted bastard” says something like that to a nineteen year old? And finally, how dare you bring up horrid stories from our past and plague Cathy with the guilt of something that happened almost 500 years ago.”
Sixtudorqueens: okay Jane, go off. We support.
“None of us are perfect. We all know our imperfections, and we’ve all made peace with it. Yes, we all did some very questionable things in our past. What happened then, while we all are horrified at our past behaviors, we have forgiven each other because we know the truth of our story. We did what we had to do to survive. But, the six of us as a group have made such wonderful process in this life, and we are truly coming out of it better than we ever could have by ourselves. Those girls are my family. Say what you want about me. I don’t care. I have a family to help me build myself back up when haters tear me down and my heart is broken. But, so help me god, if I hear of one more person coming after any of our children or my sisters again for something so personal- well,” Jane laughed bitterly. “-quite frankly, you don't want to know what will happen. Keep your disgusting comments to yourself.”
The comment section blew up, and the amount of likes her live was getting was astronomical. 
Sixqueenswalkintoabar: okay mama seymour, GO OFF!
Roseamongsttthethorns: YES JANE. @instagrammer1549, there is a special place in hell for you.
Catherine_Aragon: Jane I thought we talked about not going Mum.
“Lina, I bit my tongue for long enough. It had to be said. On that note,” Jane paused to take a deep breath, the warmth that usually radiated off of her returning. “For the rest of the queendom who has shown us nothing but love and kindness, thank you. We really do see every message, comment and twitt-”
Sixtudorqueens: tweets*
“Tweet,” Jane corrected herself. “So thank you for that kindness. For now, I’m ending this live, but I do hope that you will all remember what I’ve said. Please, only spread kindness. That’s the, as Anne and Kat say, “vibe” that we’ve created for the queendom. If you don’t have anything nice to say, perhaps just don’t say anything at all. Please remember that you have a voice. Please remember to use that voice to spread kindness and love, not hatred. The world already has enough of that in the world. No need to create more.” With that, Jane ended the live.
“So,” Anne bit back a smirk at the dinner table that night.
“We all saw your live Seymour,” Anna bit the bullet and spoke about what they were all thinking.
“Kind of impressed you could figure that out without one of us Mum,” Katherine smiled slightly. “I'm proud of you.”
“What I said had to be said,” Jane affirmed as she took a bite of her dinner. “You don’t come after my family and not feel the wrath of “Mama Seymour” or whatever the hell I’ve been labelled as.”
55 notes · View notes
qualquercoisa945 · 5 years
Text
When You’re On Your Own
Title Inspiration: When The Sun Goes Down from In The Heights
lmfao literally n o n e of you are ready like this is just pure angst have fun y’all
trigger warnings- alcohol mention, illness mention, death mention, none are discussed in heavy detail but they’re mentioned so yeah
In between rehearsals, then touring, then shows, and then moving in together, the six queens didn’t have a lot of time where they were completely alone. Not that they minded, really. Still, there were those rare moments where one of them would be able to be on their own.
Catherine actively seeked out alone time in the beginning, but often times those plans were foiled. And when they did succeed, the consequences rarely made it worth it, which was why she had begun to try to become closer to the other queens.
Still, even then there were moments where silence filled the house, and Catherine’s mind began to run wild with thoughts that her logical side desperately tried to fight off. And of course, it just had to happen when no one else was around- not that Catherine would reach out, mind you, but knowing that she could go be with them afterwards to get her mind out of it always seemed to make it just that tiny bit easier, even if she’d never admit to it.
Images of Henry, flirting with her in the earlier stages of their relationship; of her in the castle, capable of hearing Mary’s cries and whimpers of pain when she was sick but unable to do anything to comfort her; of Henry’s servants, coming to her chambers to inform her of the divorce and of Henry’s plans for her; of herself on her knees before Henry, begging him to let her stay; of her servants, following her to her new residence once the annulment was finalized.
And, of herself, laying on her deathbed shivering, feeling like, if for whatever reason she went to Hell, it wouldn’t affect her, since she was experiencing it in that very moment.
She hated herself for not being able to control her mind, for letting herself wander back to those memories whenever she wasn’t focusing on anything else. She was supposed to be the one that kept her head cool, not the barely contained mess behind a well practiced facade that she forced herself to keep up.
Still, after all those images flashed through her mind, and (although she’d never admit to it) after wiping away tears, upon hearing a voice call out “I’m home!” (was that Jane? She wasn’t sure, but not that it mattered much) she’d take a deep breath, wash her face, make sure there was no way of telling that she’d just been crying, and then go down to meet her fellow queen
After all, one of them had to keep their cool, right?
Alone time was something that Anne had despised since she was a child. She couldn’t help it, she was an extrovert, being around people was as natural to her as it was to breathe. Alone time felt rather suffocating, if she was being honest, and it only got worse after she’d been reincarnated. And God, she sometimes wished she hadn’t. The memories were too strong- of her siblings, of her daughter.
Elizabeth… Anne was oh so proud of her, there was no denying it. And yet, the pang she felt in her chest every time she thought about someone sitting her down, at only two years old, and explaining to her that Mum wasn’t coming back… Well, it wasn’t uncommon for Anne to have to excuse herself from the room when it happened, to have to take a few minutes to collect herself before walking back like nothing had ever happened.
And this was one of those days, where she’d excused herself from their designated table at the bar when the six of them went out for drinks after their last show of the week and fled to the bathroom, locking herself in a stall like some teenager in a dramatic coming of age movie.
And often she’d reach up to her neck and scratch at it, but she knew she had to make sure she could come out without anyone noticing she’d been crying, so instead she just pressed her fingers against the back of her neck, keeping them there until the pain became too much and she had to lessen the pressure, hissing quietly while rubbing the spot lightly.
And then she’d unlock the stall and leave, looking at the mirror in the bathroom to find her makeup pretty presentable. Thank god for waterproof makeup. She examined her reflection, making sure you couldn’t tell she had been crying. And then, as she always did, she walked back to the queens with her usual cocky smirk.
Had to keep the mood up, right?
Company was something that Jane had always enjoyed. Although she didn’t come from as large of a family as some of the others, time spent together was always treated as a good time in her house, and thus she had those values engraved into her.
Still, it’s not that she disliked alone time. Love them as she might, the queens could be a bit much sometimes, and she needed a break from them every once in a while. However, every now and then (which was more often than she’d like), her mind would wander off to unpleasant memories and thoughts. And today seemed to be one of those days.
Specifically, Edward. She regretted not being able to raise him- to see him grow into the bright young man she knew he became. Not to say that she didn’t love her daughter- she’d sacrifice the world for Kat, but that didn’t erase the agonizing pain that came with everything related to her son.
And then there was the subject of Henry. After Kat’s outburst, she’d been mulling over her claim that Henry had never loved any of them. Even after Kat had apologized, it just stuck with her, because the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was right.
Or better yet, accepted. Yeah, Henry didn't love her. He loved her son, but not her. And that hurt. But, while it hurt, she didn’t let herself cry. It wasn’t that big of a deal. The others had it far worse, she had no right to complain.
So, when she heard Kat call her name from downstairs, she swallowed, to stop the knot in her throat from getting any tighter, called out a soft “Coming!”, and then stood up and left her room, heading downstairs like that whirlwind of emotions hadn’t just hit her. She couldn’t let the others see her like this, had to remind them that they could always count on her.
That they would always have her support.
Like always, Anna was the last one in the dressing rooms, still getting ready for the show. She stood in front of the mirror, staring judgingly at her reflection as she made sure her hair was perfect, as well as her makeup, outfit, and just about every aspect of her appearance.
As much as, during the show, she acted like what had happened between her and Henry didn’t affect her, that was a complete lie. Every single comment that she’d heard about her appearance stung, and although she knew her band mates wanted to help with their kind words, they fell on deaf ears.
That was the problem with trying to seek out comfort, wasn’t it? Any words that loved ones tried to use to comfort you felt fake- forced, even. Logically, she knew that wasn’t the case, but that didn’t change the way her heart felt. It was tiring, honestly, to drown in self hatred everyday, but what else could she do?
She heard the intercom turn on, hearing their stage manager call for places. She sighed softly to herself, then turned around as she heard the door open. “C’mon Anna, we gotta go!” Kat called, smiling kindly at her. Anna chuckled, glancing at her reflection one last time before following the girl, chin up and lips quirked up in her usual cocky smirk as if her entire self deprecating inner monologue was non existent.
Staying confident was key to keeping up appearances, after all.
Kath actively avoided staying alone. Being alone meant being vulnerable, and although logically she knew the girls would never do what they did to her, the paranoia was harder to get rid of than simply using logic.
So whenever she actually was alone, she’d grab her phone and put something on, be it a silly cat video, or a conspiracy theory, or whatever. She just needed something that made noise, to give her mind the illusion of not being alone.
However, sometimes not even that was enough, and today seemed to be one of those days. Thoughts swarmed around her mind, of hands roaming all over her body, groping and rubbing all over.
She shivered, trying to shake the thoughts away before she begun actually feeling their touch- it wouldn’t be the first time, and it wouldn’t be nice, at all.
She heard the front door open, and took a shaky breath, trying to keep herself collected. A few tears fell, but she quickly wiped them away. And when she actually went down and sat near Jane and Cath, she kept a healthy amount of distance between them.
After all, getting too near just meant getting hurt.
And although I pretend to not be affected, every night your voice and memory come back to haunt me, never letting me rest until the witching hours, by which I grow too tired due to weeping to stay up. And yet you taught me that silence is survival, thus building up walls that I had no choice but to help construct, trapping me inside my mind. And walls are so much harder to tear down when you’ve helped build them up.
Catherine hadn’t even noticed she’d begun crying until a tear fell onto the paper. She blinked, then pushed the chair backwards, wiping tears away while she looked up, waiting a few minutes to collect herself before pulling the chair forward with her, staring back at the sheet of paper she’d been working on.
And so you trap me again, centuries after your reign over both this country and my life. It frustrates me, to not be able to be rid of your tight grip on me even after all this time. I must assume the others also feel it. I just hope it isn’t as strongly as I do. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
She set the pen down on the paper, before folding her arms on the table and burying her face in them, letting out a quiet sob. She just cried, feeling utterly exhausted of keeping it all in, and yet seeing no way out.
Once tears stopped streaming, Catherine looked up, wiping away at tear tracks before looking back down at the paper, picking up the pen again as inspiration struck.
And when I see even the smallest of cracks, my first instinct is to cover it up. I’ve been living under the assumption that silence is survival, and as one says, old habits die hard. So to be rid of that is to be rid of a big part of me. And if I am truly being honest, I do not want to be rid of it. It keeps me grounded, keeps me safe.
And at the same time, I just want it gone and I want it gone now. Because it traps me, and holds me back from pursuing new friendships, and from deepening my bonds with those I care about. I love the others, but at the same time I cannot help but to hide from them. Because those walls are still there. And you’ve left me with one rule.
Silence is survival.
78 notes · View notes