#꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

— Short List of Mahiru/Kazui Parallels

(defending them online isn't enough i need a gun)

1. Weddings (Mahiru's desire for marriage/Kazui's discontent with his)

2. Both Partners Recieve Faces In T2 sob sob young hinako looks so much like mahiru...

3. Feeding On Animals (Initially done to "help" their partners but later they're both horrified by their actions.)

4. Both Partners Die As A Result (Mahiru overwhelmed her partner/Kazui didn't uphold his lie)

5. Lyrics

Clothes Food Shelter + Love and Miss you Clothes Food Shelter - Love and Miss you

Love (plus) Destiny = Crap, smash it, shatter it, bye-bye That sticky-sweet sequence: Dinner + Camouflage + You-Know-What Loving Affection (minus) Love, it’s tacky, this two-way deceit

My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!

So it’s wrong? Oh shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?

there's definitely more i'm missing but these are the ones i caught at first!

#dni if you call either of them abusers i hope you explode!!!!!! #milgram #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

when you're a self-righteous girl with a sympathetic reason for your murder but morally gray because of your rigid belief system + the threat you pose to your fellow prisoners

anyway for the "it's terrible shidou got the highest inno percentage" crowd you can fight back. vote amane and kotoko inno for them to gang up on him and break his kneecaps. #feminism

#everytime we get a new mv it just bolsters my excitement for kotoko i wanna see my wife in the new art style #when her door drops. oh boy. oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy #milgram #amane momose #kotoko yuzuriha #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

i watched it a few minutes ago and now i'm just chewing on the details on purge march. in no particular order—

1. baton amane gains her cloud ribbon towards the end mirroring the same scene in magic

2. amane's baton is splattered with blood as she twirls it

3. the flag's symbol changes to mirror the one on her balloon

4. amane's transformation in magic is depicted once again in the purge march

5. when murdering her victim in her home, the nearest door is closed with the light open and there's a trail of water

6. amane being punished is the possibly the same scene in undercover

#im sure like a dozen other people caught this before me but y'know! it's for me! for me!!!!! #milgram #amane momose #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

— together in death; dearmahiru's shinjū theory

tw: this post revolves around the discussion of group suicide and a toxic relationship

Before I Love You had released, I proposed Mahiru attempted to commit a lover's suicide with her boyfriend. It's hopelessly outdated (and terribly formatted) but, given we've recieved many confirmations about Mahiru's story, I wanted to try rewriting the theory with the new information. For reference here is the old post.

Yamanaka: ❝ When we designed the characters and their sins, we tried to design them in a way that is open for interpretation depending on how each viewer feels, and encourage differences in opinions. For example, some sins may be legally wrong, or something that you can’t forgive emotionally, and some may be interpreted differently due to cultural differences and different upbringings. So we encourage people from all walks of life to participate, to increase the diversity and depth in the results. ❞

Understandably, this post will paint Mahiru in an overtly sympathetic light given my bias towards her. However, I'm disinterested in rehashing the same "Mahiru is a bad person" points when everyone is aware of her flaws. I acknowledge proposing this theory would seem like an attempt to absolve Mahiru of guilt but that's not my intention. Like every character, Mahiru is morally gray and whether the audience finds her forgivable is up to them.

So, without further ado, let's begin.

01. Setting The Scene

This particular scene in I Love You is extremely important: namely, it's the location of her victim's death.

If we look at Mahiru's incarnation records, her victim died in Aokigahara, Japan's infamous suicide forest. This makes sense given he had died by hanging.

At least since the 1960s, Aokigahara has become associated with suicide, eventually becoming known in English by the nickname "Suicide Forest" and gaining a reputation as one of the world's most-used suicide sites.

Adding onto this, we know Mahiru went with her boyfriend to Aokigahara. First, ofcourse, the two are seen walking through a literal forest. Second, in Mahiru's Undercover memories, the sleeves perfectly align with the clothes Mahiru and her boyfriend wear. There's no other day where these sleeves align—trust me, I checked.

Q. Can you drive a car? Mahiru: "I have a drivers license. But I'm only a 'paper driver.'"

A paper driver is someone who's license is only 'paper' because they don't use it. Aokigara is a two-hour drive away from Tokyo which is where Mahiru lives. If she doesn't drive then this might mean it was her boyfriend who drove them to Aokigahara.

So to recap, Mahiru and her boyfriend went to a suicide forest together. This does beg the question though: why did Mahiru come along? If she knew her boyfriend was suicidal then wouldn't she try consoling him? Unless, ofcourse, Mahiru also wanted to die.

02. Love Is Mine

When you peek into Mahiru's symbolism you'll notice one reoccurring theme: clinging onto someone until you both suffocate.

Beginning with this shot of Mahiru and her victim, she's depicted as the literal noose tied around her boyfriend's neck. However, as many have noted, it can also be interpreted as her comforting him. As opposed Haruka who's straddling ontop of his victim, Mahiru's boyfriend is laying on her lap while she gazes into his eyes. Although violent, it's a distinctly intimate scene.

Personally, I'm partial to the name theory which suggests each prisoner's name reflects something about their crime. I noted the meaning behind Mahiru's name here but I'll regurgitate it. Mahiru's name means "Midday" which fits along her description:

A prisoner who is like the sun, always chatting and laughing.

So, with the theory in mind, Mahiru's crime relates to her eternal sunny presence.

Along with this, each prisoner has the kanji for "wood" in their name and removing that kanji reflects an aspect of their crime. (For instance, Haruka (嬰) would be "baby" or "necklace" and Yuno (堅) would be "strong" or "resolute" like her real personality).

With out the wood kanji, Mahiru's name is 隹 which means means "bird," obviously relating to how Mahiru and her boyfriend are both bluebirds suffocating within their small birdcage. Their relationship was doomed from the beginning—as bluebirds are wild animals and therefore cannot survive in cages. It was inevitable one of them would've become stressed out and died. Put a pin in the birdcage symbolism since we'll came back to that.

Moving on, in her first voice drama, Mahiru reveals how her victim died:

Es: "I see. So, you became a murderer as a result of some relationship conflicts? Jealousy… Grudges… Having your partner stolen from you… Those stories aren’t all that uncommon now are they?" Mahiru: "You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never even wanted to kill anyone in the first place!" Es: [pauses] Mahiru: "I just… I was… just being myself."

(honestly really frustrating how people still theorize mahiru/her boyfriend cheated when she expressed multiple times that wasn't the case. all of the victims apart from kotoko's were innocent people and mahiru "loving my bf is my defining personality trait" shiina isn't about to tap someone's elses ass. if anything this is a demonstration she was only stressed out about her partner leaving her but whatever i digress)

And then later on these exchanges happen:

Es: It was your love which killed someone, right? Despite that, will you still try to love another person?  Mahiru: [thinks] Actually,��I was hoping you could tell me the answer to that, prison guard… If what I did was unforgivable.

Mahiru: Ah, this isn’t good. Be careful, okay? Um… Um… If you’re that kind to me, you could die as well. Just—kidding?  

So already, this theme of suffocation has been reinforced multiple times. Mahiru goes with her boyfriend to a suicide forest, she locks hands with him, she's symbolised as a noose hanging him, she's stuck in a birdcage with him, and it's her sunny disposition, her love for him which kills him.

Which forms the foundation for this theory: following her theme of clinging until suffocation, Mahiru tried to die alongside her boyfriend to forever stay with him.

Q. What is the ultimate form of Love?Mahiru: Being always together

Mahiru: My first shrine visit of the year was together with him. Obviously I know what I want to wish for. Please let us stay together like this forever. Please don’t let anyone else get in our way

Do you really think you know what love is? If you do, let's just overheat together! [Mahiru is outright singing, "Lets stay close together for so long we could die from the warmth.]

If you don't hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart [Otherwise, "If you don't hold me close then I won't feel loved by you."

Mahiru: "Ehehe...I love, love, LOVE YOU!! Don't ever let me go, ok!"

The happiness we tightly bound up and suffocated, is no longer here

Which leads us to our third point: oh goodness Mahiru's relationship was a hot mess.

03. Love Is (Un)Dead

Okay, so we've established a lot but there's one thing missing: Is Mahiru herself suicidal?

Mahiru: It’s because I've… decided that I’m going to live for the sake of love

Mahiru: Hmm. If you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done, then there’s no point in living—to be honest. [laughs] 

Mahiru: Being in love is… If there was no such thing as love, then my life would be so bland. So, if you say that I won’t be allowed it anymore, then there’s no point in me living. 

An extremely unfortunate yes! Similar to how Shidou wishes to die because of his love, Mahiru only lives for the sake of love. (Infact, coasting off this shinju theory, I'd even say that both Shidou and Mahiru wanted to die for the sake of meeting their loved ones again.)

One specific detail I'd like to highlight are Mahiru's shoes.

In Japan there is a custom for people to take off their shoes before entering their homes, as to not track dirt into their houses. As a result of this line of thinking there is also a custom where people take off their shoes before they enter the afterlife as not to track dirt and such into their ethereal destination. Abandoned pairs of shoes in Japanese media have become symbolic of suicides, and they are also common in non-Japanese media.

This specific symbolism is seen an additional time with Mahiru and Kazui's victims in Undercover and Mu in It's Not My Fault, both of which are related to suicide.

In Mahiru first MV, there's always a shot where we can explicitly see her shoes. They're on in the beginning, off when she confesses to her boyfriend and they begin dating, and on again after something happened to her boyfriend.

I believe this may represent she was suicidal during the relationship. Apart from this, there's lots of little details which paint the picture she was unhappy with her life and dating her boyfriend.

When being interviewed, she tends to talk a lot, and she seems to have developed some special feelings for the prison guard, and sometimes also shows a lonely, vacant expression in contrast to her normally bright and cheerful self. [These "special feelings" for Es aren't necessarily romantic. Atleast, it's "love" in the same way Mahiru thinks of a murder prison as a romantic getaway. It's moreso developes a connection with Es because they uniquely give her attention and she finds their hardwork admirable. She finds them kind and, "if youre kind to me I'm going to start relying on you, thanks!"]

"Hello! I’m Shiina Mahiru, 22 years old! I may be incompetent, but it’s a pleasure meeting you!"

Mahiru: Right…… so you too, Mu-chan…Hmm, I guess it’s because of the environment here. Sometimes your mental state has an impact. Mu: …You’re the same, then? …that it’s gone…… Mahiru: …it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. This sort of thing happens all the time~

I guess we can just say that this feeling is happiness I can't stop feeling like there's something missing

We can both feel lonely sometimes, but wonder if you'll get angry soon

We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let's have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad

This is a claim of responsibility From the two of us with matching love Wanting to know everything about you, but wanting to die because it can't come true It's all because of love

Don’t lose focus even when exercising! The pastel tones mean not only do you look ready to go but also give off a cute oneesan appeal. Even for a rougher style of dress you can’t be careless! Painted toenails and a necklace show some attention to detail to make for a sexy casual style. Just because it’s outdoors doesn’t mean you can relax too much! Even when picking out a date outfit to protect you from the cold, you still want to protect that loveable silhouette.

Most damning of all I'll say is Mahiru's parasite cover. The song tells a story about a scorned girlfriend who was used for sex and seeks alcohol in order to deal with her lingering feelings for ex-boyfriend. At one point Miku throws a bouquet back mirroring Mahiru's desire for a wedding.

(hmm funny how the "mahiru is a yandere because she covered psychogram" crowd was silent about this cover i wonder whyyyy)

Why can’t you understand? I hate you! Never touch me again

Wait a second, when did things start going wrong? I loved the bad parts too, everything was fine

It’s even worse when you are nice to me, But I don’t want to be given the cold shoulder [Most of all, Mahiru desires attention from her boyfriend. In her T1 MV she mentions how he "not the brightest so he never notices that I go to the beautician." This is a likely a blow to her self confidence given the heavy emphasis she has on appearing pretty. Sporadically across the magazines there's lines about "not slacking off" in public because people are always watching.]

Hey, give me back the time I used loving you, You liar. But I still love you

Hey, please don’t leave me behind, Hey, I’m hungry [This line always makes me so sad. In Mahiru's cover there's a beep to imply she's leaving this as a voice-mail for her boyfriend. Once again fulfilling our "stay with me always" clinging symbolism quota.]

Pretend not to see spitting out saliva, You're going to throw me away as incombustible waste

It’s just a bunch of “why”, I can’t change, I want to…I don’t want to leave

Hey, I want you to let me hug you at the last moment, thank you. And now, you are too (a parasite)

It's the last line I'd like to highlight because, all in one song, we've reinforced Mahiru's happiness in the relationship and the clinging symbolism. Mahiru and her boyfriend were both parasites who's clung onto eachother and deprived eachother of nutrients. Both of you suck!!

Then there's Mahiru's two symbolic locations: the birdcage and the carousel. Both of Mahiru's mindscapes places her in the same location: her home, as evident by the couches with pillows.

Personally, I subscribe to the idea the Day 16's house belong to Mahiru or it's a shared home with her boyfriend. If the poor financial situation theory is correct then the two might've decided to live together to cut costs (or Mahiru pressured him into agreeing). Her boyfriend works at a convenience store so he's probably not as financially well-off as Mahiru who recieves an allowance.

However, on a subconscious level, Mahiru thinks of her their home as a birdcage. As stated before, bluebirds can't survive in birdcages, and this is represented by her boyfriend's feathers falling from stress. Something interesting I'd like to note is that Mahiru considers leaving the birdcage but instead decides to dive back into the feathers, causing her boyfriend even more stress. Say with me: clinging 👏 until 👏 you 👏 suffocate 👏 imagery.

"Hmm... I’m a little troubled that I can’t go home, but... It’s fine, I guess. Even if I go home, there’s nothing left... And, I find it fun talking to you!"

Then, after her boyfriend's death, she thinks of their home as a carousel ride. The ledge at the beginning of the MV implies that—rather than an expansive space like Mu's beehive—the carousel is a small space. It's only Mahiru, the couch, the carousel, and a dead corspe. All she's able to do is fall asleep or ride the carousel again by herself, knowing she'll have to get off at some point. It's once again that imagery of something which is cramped and suffocating.

Both of her mindscapes cut them off from the outside world. Within her own mind all that matters is simply her and her boyfriend.

04. The Only You Can('t) Leave

Finally, I'd like to note something which has been sitting on my mind: Mahiru's themes of destiny and rebirth.

Q. What do you think happens when people die? Mahiru: They go to heaven!

Lovers committing double suicide believed that they would be united again in heaven, a view supported by feudal teaching in Edo period Japan, which taught that the bond between two lovers is continued into the next world, and by the teaching of Pure Land Buddhism wherein it is believed that through double suicide, one can approach rebirth in the Pure Land.

(big credit to doctorbunny's and archivalofsins's work on the this is how to be inlove with you locations for pointing this out! ily2 please check them out)

On Day 8, Mahiru goes with her boyfriend to go see "Your Name." Take this with a grain salt because I haven't see the actual movie— I refuse to watch a Makoto Shinkai film until he's allowed to write yuri—but the general gist is that two teenagers from 2013 and 2016 end up swapping bodies. Later, it's revealed that Mitsuha, the main heroine, is fated to die from a comet hitting the earth in the future. Fortunately, through time shenanigans, her fate ends up being altered and both teens end up surviving.

A romance movie featuring a dead lover and a mid relationship? Why, it's perfect for Mahiru!

The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break. This myth is similar to the Western concept of soulmate or a destined partner.

Okay, okay, jokes aside that's not the sole reason I'm bringing up Your Name. Ofcourse, what's most interesting is it's theme of soulmates and how it relates to Mahiru.

Mahiru: Yeah. – Him and I… we loved each other. Properly as boyfriend and girlfriend. We met in college… It was the first time for me, so I don’t know if it was good or not, but… I think we were just normally going out together. I thought it was fate. He said it was, too.

Q. How did you meet your lover? Mahiru: We met eyes at the university terrace. I really felt like it was fate.

On the terrace at university, when I met eyes with that person I knew it must be fate. I might have been born purely so I could one day end up together with him. Or not, am I just overthinking things?

I ran into the person I’m interested in at the bread shop. This has to be fate, right? In the end I ended up buying the same bread as he got, but maybe I don’t need this much… > < I wasn’t thinking about the calories.

We went to one of the filming locations for a movie we both like! This sort of thing can only happen in Tokyo huh! It really must be fate that even our taste in movies lines up. I feel like a totally different person to before I met him… [Once again the movie she's talking about Your Name which is one of the highest grossing anime films of all times... bestie... ily but your rose colored glasses are blinding!!!]

Namely, once again, we're reinforcing the theme of clinging together until you suffocate. Two soulmates forced into loving eachother by the hands of fate. It's a very romantic idea twisted into something heart-wrenching.

The idea of "saving your lover from death" is briefly reflected Day 8 where Mahiru gives her boyfriend a hangover cure from called Corspe Reviver. A bit on the nose, don't you think?

This sections dawdles a little bit from the whole Shinju Theory but it felt off if I didn't include it. Given Shidou's entire character revolves around killing in order to save his loved ones, I can almost imagine Mahiru's murder was to save her boyfriend as well. There's not much evidence but... it's certainly there, right?

05. Conclusion

Aha, this post kind of devolved from "heres my shinju theory" and moreso "wow, Mahiru has a lot of suffocation imagery" which is true. There's so much of it. I don't even think this is all of it!

Theres alot more I wanted to add but... I'm not good with writing long posts if you couldn't tell! If anyone would like to add onto this for me I'd be thrilled ❤️

#take a shot every time the word suffocate or clinging crops up #like qjqjajajakak its actually insane to me how many times it pops up like???? #I'm not even too confident in this theory because of how much i dawdle around but it's weird right!!!! #milgram #mahiru shiina #milgram theory #<- do not follow me for that tag btw i am not a theorist i just like mahiru alot #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

might be reaching here but i really enjoy the parallel of yuno and kazui extending their arms out to invite us into their rooms. yuno is asking for our hand because she desires warmth while kazui is encouraging us to go forward and expose his lies. so much love for these two funky cat people and their costumed alternative selves

#also i think it's interesting how kazui's door is topped off with w/ a dome shape whilst the rest of the door maintains a square shape #since only the female prisoners have had curved tops like that. #it's silly but it also coincidentally looks like they're facing eachother too #milgram #yuno kashiki #kazui mukuhara #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

Okay so!! You know how Milgram is a panopticon???

Basic description: It's a type of prison invented by English philosopher Jeremy Bentham in the 18th century. The concept is of this prison is that all prisoners can be observed by a single guard, without the prisoners' knowledge. It's been the subject of several morality debates because others have argued subjecting a human to constantly surveillance was deeply inhumane.

I remember long ago someone posted about it and went, "I wonder what Es feels about it" and I thought the same. And then I realized that we're Es! We're the ones subjecting the prisoners to inhumane constant surveillance!!!

I cant believe it took me so long to puzzle together but that's so cool man...

#Can you tell I thought of this in class and had to very quickly write it or else I'll forget #Because I did!!! #milgram #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

TW: discussions of suicide and hanging

Just had a terrible realization.

There's this wonderful theory that prisoners only have half of their memories involving their crime and you need to use their other pairing to understand the full story. I'd link it but unfortunately the creator deactivated. Everyday I mourn not archiving it because it was amazing.

They only explained how it related to Fuuta and Mu but I was thinking about what it meant for Shidou and Mahiru. After thinking about it, a horrible question hit me: Did Mahiru intend to commit a lover's suicide with her boyfriend?

IT SOUNDS CRAZY and I don't think I necessarily believe it because it'd make her crime way too sympathetic, right? Like, unless she was a terrible person no one would guilty her! But like... it's there and it's not leaving my mind.

Ofcourse, what I'm proposing is that Shidou and Mahiru intended to die to be with their loved ones but Mahiru was stripped of her memory. Both pairings would have to share the same memory, afterall. This means I'd have to convince you Shidou wants to die—

—Which is distressingly easy to prove. First thing out of his mouth upon meeting Es. Massive focal point about his character, harder to miss it honestly.

As for Mahiru, you know how her crime took place in Aokigahara, the suicide forest?

I explained it in this post but it's likely Mahiru's crime was indirect to parallel Shidou who directly killed his victims. Along with the imagery of Mahiru wrapping his hands around her victim's neck and their shoe falling off, I think it's likely he died by hanging. Initially, I thought he died while Mahiru was at home cooking dinner, hence her horrified expression towards the end.

Few things we'll need to establish. When Mahiru's boyfriend dies it's on Day 16. I'm assuming this because why else would she wear the birdcage outfit and look horrified at the end? Then, there's also this shot in Undercover where Mahiru's hands are laying ontop of her victim. I think this must be in Aokigahara because no other entry before this takes place in a forest. The closest is the outdoor cinema in Day 13 but, and I checked, the cuffs are different. Instead, Mahiru's birdcage outfit matches up the best.

Obviously, the cuffs between the two jackets are different so they belong to different people. Mahiru must have went with her boyfriend to Aokigahara.

However, like I did, you might be thinking, "Oh but Mahiru doesn't have the motive to go. She isn't suicidal." To which I say:

The fact she laughs after saying the first few lines as if that's a teehee :3c thing to say. This isn't funny Mahiru. I'm distressed over your mental health.

Bringing up the shoes again, there is a scene where Mahiru takes her shoes off. Specifically, when she's calling her boyfriend and then when she dives headfirst into the feathers.

Initially, I had brushed off this off but it's a weird detail to include, right? Noticably, the shoes only come off when she's unhappy in her relationship: slamming the phone down after arguing with her boyfriend and then staring wistfully outside of the birdcage. They're on again after she wakes up from her nap, and her boyfriend has already died. Even if it doesn't necessarily mean she's suicidal, it's still linked to her unhappiness.

Adding onto this, there's these lyrics from This Is How To Be Inlove With You:

"We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let's have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad."

"This is a claim of responsibility From the two of us with matching love Wanting to know everything about you, but wanting to die because it can't come true It's all because of love."

These lines are sung over Days 9-12 after Mahiru confesses and starts dating her boyfriend. Along with the lines about matching pain, it's when she takes off her shoes, so she's really not happy in this relationship. Over the course of this relationship I think they're both having a negative impact on eachother's mental health. Mahiru is consistently taking up her boyfriend's time (waking up him up in the morning to call, begging him to take her out on dates, etc) and then potentially manipulating/guilt-tripping him. For Mahiru, she's putting a large amount of effort into being a good girlfriend and not receiving anything in return. Not once does Mahiru ever mention something her boyfriend has does for her, and she's very easy to please.

Despite how cute it's portrayed in her MV, atleast one of their fights got nasty. In the 2nd trial teaser, Mahiru screams "Don't say you love me so easily!" Which is likely directly at her boyfriend. Concerning implications since this is only voiceline where she says anything like this. Her first MV, first voice trailer, and second voice trailer are all saying she loves this guy but she's screaming at him to not tell her the same? Despite being in the chorus of This Is How To Be Inlove With Love You's lyrics? A fuck-up has occurred here.

I should also note, Mahiru has only expressed anger towards her boyfriend. Kotoko threw her on death's door and Es, accidentally, put her in that situation and she still loves them both. At most Mahiru's upset with Es but it's only empty sadness. Seriously, what could her boyfriend have done that's worse than literally attempting to kill her?

Now, I tried to write to all of off by saying Mahiru would've remembered if she tried to commit a lover's suicide and there'd be more hints. However, if you remember the beginning of this post, if Mahiru had her memory erased then she doesn't know how her boyfriend died.

I think this is most apparent in her interrogation answers and voice drama. Mahiru always refers to her lover in present tense, saying things like "I've never smoked before, but I might copy him if who I love smokes." There's also the way she speaks about her crime, she "supposes" she killed her boyfriend. There's several reasons why she'd act this way but I'd say this aligns with her having a fuzzy memory.

(Also pretty suspicious for Milgram to ask her "Are there people you’d be leaving behind after you die?" Why would we, the audience, need to know that.)

Ofcourse, this theory isn't perfect! You could come up with all sorts of reasons why x evidence actual something else entirely different. I'm not convinced of it entirely myself but I think it does make sense? I Love You can't come soon enough to confirm everything.

#Wasn't sure how to end this post or if my evidence is conclusive enough but! It makes sense to me! #I'd feel more confident presenting it if I could actually provide the memory loss theory #But all the images i could find are terrible quality. Someone else mightve archived it and could share it but thats only a dream #milgram #mahiru shiina #milgram theory #<- first time ever tagging that and it's weird. im not a theorist i just really like this mahiru #tw suicide #tw hanging #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

y'know, the way both haruka and mu are so blasé about his suicide ideation reminds me of how they're the only ones who's murder is represented as symbolically killing themselves.

i mentioned it ages ago but not only does mu consistently projects herself onto her victim but even uses a box cutter. although it's the only weapon feasibly allowed in a school, in media box cutters are typically used for self-harm. sure, i'm still disgusted with mu for using haruka's life as a bargaining chip but i feel like mu's relationship with suicide also got brushed aside just because she's more arrogant now.

#i used to hate mu when i first entered the fandom because it was SO obvious she used to be a bully #and then INMF dropped and i was really mad people were ignoring all of her nuance just because she was mean #like oh wow we forgive you for killing an innocent bystander <3 unless your personality sucks <3 #anyway mu did nothing wrong ever good for her 📣📣📣 #milgram #haruka sakurai #mu kusunoki #tw suicide #tw self harm #feel free to ask me to tag stuff btw!! im not sure if anyone in the fandom cares about it so i just >< #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

god this photo is easily the coolest anniversary artwork so far. the inverted colors, using red and green to represent innocent and guilty, how the prisoners are literally in es's hands, amazing work by akaa!

although this feels like this is the most arbitrary prisoner pairings so far. they're usually split in a very specific way (number, gender, etc.) so i can't help but feel like there's a deeper meaning. however, i also think it might just be because this was the best composition for the photo. *shrugs*

#like it feels like there's a “hidden in plain sight” thing here #one huge drawing and then releasing individual stills of every character in unique poses feels like like a great way to hide a clue #thinking! im thinking! #milgram #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

y'know, i think it's really sad that shidou and mahiru attempted to be a good husband and wife but it ended up being fruitless.

obviously, shidou wasn't able to save his family. he had two children, a wife, and sacrificed other people in an attempt to be with them again. when that failed he tried to join them in death.

meanwhile, mahiru was looking forward to becoming a wife. she wanted to marry her boyfriend, cooked his favorite dishes the day he died, mentions she's good at housecleaning, and one timeline conversation with amane implies she would've liked to be a mother

#saying this casually to mask how much this devastates me #shidou and mahiru's parallels are just so fucking sad??? #and judging by mahiru's door she's definitely having wedding symbolism #i hate it here #milgram #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

—details you might've missed in mahiru's second trial design!

tl;dr she's suffering so much

her sunflower earrings have been removed + her hair has grown

first one is tragic considering she adores earrings and, throughout all her appearances, is only seen three times without them.

mahiru takes advice from the beautician she frequents so it's likely she's prefers to style her hair rather than leaving it disheveled.

2. her nail polish has been chipped off

this is likely because her arm is broken and she cannot maintain it anymore + she's lost access to her prison benefits.

3. mahiru's restraints had been changed to reflect a birdcage + she's lost her shoes

which just... it makes me sad, y'know? the birdcage represents her relationship and she's being trapped in one again with the milgram she loves. once again she was happy in her prison but realized too late that it wasn't as wonderful as she thought it was.

i hope third season treats her better :(

#was checking between the two designs for research and god it just. she deserves so much better #even if es doesn't agree with kotoko's violence mahiru wasn't allowed to defend herself against kotoko OR take care of herself after #someone give her a hug please #milgram #mahiru shiina #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

I LOVE waiting for the new MVs just to see how the character's signature colors will be incorporated. banger after banger after banger !!

#the color theory in milgram is super fascinating #and I'm always interested in what objects the colors appear in too. like for fuuta his red only appears as fire / blood / spray paint #and for muu it's mostly the daylight in all the bullying scenes #aaa i love it!! #milgram #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #mu kusunoki #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

— terrible things that's happened to mahiru shiina during season 2 of milgram

Since we're steadily approaching Mahiru's second song, I wanted to shine a light on the amount of suffering she's been through. I can only hopes she gets a break next season!

Mahiru in season one was best friends with every female prisoner and has now lost all but one.

Obviously there's Kotoko who had almost killed Mahiru and as a result, Mahiru must use a wheelchair to get around.

There's also this heartbreaking shot in Backdraft where all the guilty prisoners are marked in red. There's lots of different interpretations of these marks but, judging by Fuuta's damage eye being marked, one of them might be Kotoko's injuries.

Instead of marking her injured arm or leg, it's Mahiru's heart thats been broken.

Since Mahiru needed treatment against Kotoko's attacks she's now drawn ire from Amane. On Mahiru's own birthday, Amane told Mahiru that she's going against the natural order and will die soon.

(The fact Mahiru doesn't even do anything hurts my heart...)

Since Mu was voted innocent in trial one she's distanced herself from the guilty prisoners.

Although she wasn't close friends with Kazui it's implied by Jackalope that he could have saved her against Kotoko but decided against it...? There's theories surrounding it but I can only hope it isn't personal :(

Last but not least, the only friend who's stayed by Mahiru' side is Yuno. Despite revealing a colder personality, it's implied Yuno used her benefits to give Mahiru the wheelchair. A true angel...!

#milgram #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #mu kusunoki #kazui mukuhara #kotoko yuzuriha #amane momose #if anyone neutral on mahiru decides to vote her innocent after reading this i'll be soo happy #im not against the initial guilty vote but i think she deserves happiness this season! #edited to include the backdraft stuff i forgot!! #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray #the beginning...

[dearmahiru]

writhing mad over the socks / shoes in mu's MV because they drive me insane

ofcourse everyone already knows rei's socks become black when they walk past mu BUT she's the only character with white socks.

almost everyone in mu's friend group, including herself, is depicted with black socks.

the only other character with unique socks is the pink one—the yellow sweater girl who becomes queen bee after mu falls.

we know this because it's skirt length that represents mu's friend group's heirachy. mu with her long, sweeping skirt sits at the top and its the shortest one that gets bullied.

wouldn't you know it but the second longest skirt has pink hair that's styled just like yellow sweater girl!

also milgram. milgram. milgram. i'm leaning real close into your ear right now—WHY DO HER FUCKING SHOES FLY OFF

#shaking milgram by the collar GIVE ME ANSWERS OLD MAN #also credit to @otums on twt for pointing out the skirt thing!! im not smart enough to realize that on my own lmao #actually you all should you should all read otums theories!! they're amazing i love them 💕 #milgram #mu kusunoki #milgram rei #milgram phg #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray #edit: this fucking. mu socks post haunts me so mucj

[dearmahiru]

I plan on writing a full post about I Love You but I hate people claiming that Mahiru is delusional or selfish. The first few moments of the MV is her getting off the carasel, the manifestation of her happy dream world, to go back to sleep. It's painted very clear that she understands the carasel is dilapated but continues to ride it because it provides her a sense of comfort.

Mahiru: "But I’ve made up my mind. I’ll properly convey my feelings too. He’s dead. It… it might have been because of my love."

I feel like people are ignoring that Mahiru blames herself for her boyfriend's suicide. She's not crazed or obsessed, she is coping by picturing an idyllic world where she and her boyfriend are safe. Even when she's riding the carasel, the hanged corspe of her boyfriend is revolving behind her in the back of her mind.

I should note that, personally, I'm in the camp that everything in the forest scene is literal. This is for two reasons:

As of now there hasn't been a character with two symbolic worlds in a single MV. There's only ever one world with fantastical elements (T2 Haruka and Shidou's home), or a metaphorical world and a real one (T1 Mu's hourglass / Her school).

Mahiru's crime took place in a forest as seen in Undercover. If it's a metaphorical forest then... why does he literally die in a forest?

Which brings us to the rat-feeding scene. It hasn't been said outright but in combination with saying she's "crazy" and therefore unforgivable, there's this implication that Mahiru desired feeding her boyfriend a dead rat. Even if you take this scene as metaphorical—Mahiru did not want to feed her boyfriend this rat!

"Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right?"

You can clearly see her boyfriend is bleeding and dying from starvation. Mahiru is feeding him this rat because she wants to help her boyfriend to not fucking die. What an unforgivable act done out of selfishness...!

Even if you find this disgusting, Post-Mahiru lamenting on this literally says she had no right to behave this way and she destroyed her relationship. Combined with the glitched-out typography what makes you think she's doing this to get her kicks off or out of malice.

I feel like im going crazy here because why does she deserve to be die for committing the cardinal sin of being a bad girlfriend. She is already suicidal, her mental health is deteriorating, she has already suffered for the sins she's commited. She's constantly mischaracterized as some stalker or some yandere and I'm just so so so tired of it.

#I feel like im not being nuanced enough about her but augh!!! #SHE IS SOME GUY!!!! SHE IS A NORMAL PERSON!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE HER ALONE!! GET A JOB!!! #milgram #mahiru shiina #tw suicide #tw hanging #tw death #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

[dearmahiru]

tw: discussion of suicide, descriptions of stabbing

I mentioned in a seperate post that in Japan, abandoned shoes are symbolic of suicide because you'd leave your shoes before entering the afterlife. I think amongst the whole "It's not my fault!! 🥳🎉 I'M INNOCENT BABABABA" people forgot Mu intended to commit suicide in order to escape her life.

"That’s right... I killed someone. But I had no choice... I could only kill to escape. Muu... isn’t at fault here...."

We know this because a noose appears near her feet in After Pain and the line "counterattack being a suicide note."

There's also this theory that Mu hadn't intended to kill Rei. She was attempting to kill herself.

Ofcourse, we aren't privvy to the conversation leading up to Rei's stabbing to 100% know but there's so much imagery of Mu replacing Rei.

In the end of Afterpain we see Mu standing infront of a chalkboard with insults directed at Rei ("Reeks of poverty" "Acts like a heroine.")

Symbolically, Mu is replacing Rei in this scene. One of the bullies asks Rei, "Hanging or stabbing, which will it be~"

As established, Mu intended to die from hanging herself. Judging by the fact she had a box cutter in her pocket, she also intended to stab herself.

(Also notice how you could easily mistake the doodle of Rei for Mu because they both have short hair!)

As I said in my previous Mu Socks post, Rei is always depicted with white socks until she walks past Mu. Her socks then become the same shade of black as Mu's socks. Once again, Mu is replacing Rei. This is also the line where Mu sings counterattack being a suicide note.

Obvious parallels when Mu frantically chases after Rei.

When Mu stabs Rei in "It's Not My Fault," the lighting changes her hair color to mirror Rei's. (Again, her shoes flies off!)

Even when the lights go out in Rei's eyes it's clearly a parallel to Mu's pupil expanding before she chases after Rei! It drives me insane shwhwjwjw

As the rest of the theory goes, Mu had frantically chased after Rei to plead for help. Mu didn't even have enough time to get her backpack or change into her outside shoes like Rei had. After pleading with Rei for something (like forgiveness or help) she was coldly rejected and Mu snaps. With no other choice to escape her life, she attempts to kill herself infront of Rei.

Rei tussles with Mu over the box cutter and Mu ends up stabbing her in the stomach. She's horrified by her actions but she desperately clings onto the belief she did nothing wrong. It's not her fault.

#it's so interesting to me that symbolically rei's murder is mu's suicide #something something it's the end of mu's life as being bullied. the hourglass flips yadayada #milgram #mu kusunoki #tw suicide #tw stabbing #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray