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perksofbeingawaifu · 7 years

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY @mongoose-bite!!! Crunchy is one of my favoritest fic authors and also one of the best friends I have made in this fandom! EVERYONE GO WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And while you’re at it, go read and leave a comment on his fics! I’m going to list twelve of my personal favorites below (altho I could go on and on and on until I run out of fics!). LONG POST TO FOLLOW!

Fuck: My Life

eruriren, snk

A streak of bad luck leaves Eren desperate for cash, and desperate enough that making porn doesn't seem like such a terrible idea. He's young, he's cute, he's horny, and his favourite studio is currently hiring. It seems like fate up until he learns that his two most admired actors, whom he spent the majority of his teenage years appreciating, have recently retired.

Still, he is nothing if not determined, and he sets out to see if he can persuade them to make one last movie. And then he gets to know them as people, and things start getting complicated.

Reasons I like it: This is one of the first fics of crunchy’s I ever read and I was obsessedddd. I swear I would be checking my phone for an email on update day like >.> c’monnnnnn. It’s eruriren and super persistent but adorable Eren. Erwin is charming and crunchy’s Levi is always so understated and muted it makes my heart ache. I don’t even like porn star aus but crunchy always makes me love tropes and ships I don’t usually like.

A Sound Like Breaking Glass

ereri, snk

Eren lives by the ocean in a peaceful, untroubled world with his classmates. He studies, dreams of going out to sea on the boats to see what lies beyond the horizon, spends his afternoons by the water's edge with his friends, and sneaks out at night more often than he should. His greatest ambition is to join the crew of the Wings of Freedom, but after making a disastrous first impression on Captain Levi, joining his company will be easier said than done. Despite the insults and the bruising, Eren is determined and he vows to do whatever it takes to impress the captain before the ship is out of drydock.

Reasons I like it: Ngl, it took me several attempts to get into this fic bc I at first thought it was going to be a pirate au? I have the worst reading comprehension I swear. But it is not, it is perfect and I love it and it is actually my absolute favoritest fic of crunchy’s so even though it is in the #2 spot here, second is best. :P The characters are charming and the scenery is beautiful and I can’t say anything more about it without spoiling it. ;3 BUT AHHHHHH!!!

Breach! And Other Stories

winmin, snk

A collection on one-shots written for Winmin Week 2014. Mostly canonverse.

01. Superior and Subordinate: Armin was conflicted. They were superior and subordinate after all, kept apart by rules and regulations and just plain common sense. But the heart wants what it wants, and it wasn't like there was much else that made Eren smile lately. 02. Stained Hands: Armin wasn't trying to wash away the blood with ink. 03. Alternate Universe: Erwin is too big for his umbrella. 04. Role Swap: Their first night together after Erwin is rescued. 05. Hurt and Comfort: Faded names remind Erwin of a boy he met long ago. 06. (Free Slot): Breach! Armin goes to the ends of the earth for an interview. 07. The End: Armin insisted on the hood.

Reasons I like it: you know how some fics can ruin you on a ship and you can’t stand it? Well crunchy single handedly rescued winmin for me. I still think about Breach! A LOT. THE WHALES. WINMIN CUTENESS! ARMIN! ERWIN! BLONDE GENIUSES!

My Old Friend

ereri, snk

When Levi was a teenager, the unrequited love of his life was Eren, his best friend's father. Fifteen years later, Levi finds himself back in Whitecrest Cove to sell his late uncle's house.

This story was mostly written for Ereri Week 2015.

Reasons I like it: Imagine, it’s the swinging 2015′s at the height of the the dilf!eren craze, in walks crunchy and suggests...what if...gdilf!Eren. Women are screaming, babies are crying, grown men walking around in a daze because their minds are so blown. No, but really, it’s actually a very poignant story of Levi reconciling his childhood and then grief as an adult and reconnecting with Eren who is a surfing silver fox. It’s quite beautiful.

Blood Of An Englishman

hartwin, kingsman

Harry's brains dried in the hot Kentucky sun. A fly landed on an exposed piece of his skull for a few seconds and then buzzed off. His blood seeped into the dust. In the distance sirens began to wail, and the crisp, elegant click of patent leather oxfords on concrete drew to a halt beside his ruined corpse.

“Oh dear,” someone said sadly, although Harry wasn't alive to hear it. He heard, saw, felt, and was, nothing.

Death is not another country. Death is the deep blue sea.

Or, the one in which Harry is officially dead, actually a wizard, occasionally a small dog, and utterly unable to keep his distance from his young successor.

Reasons I like it: This fic has everything, Harry Hart dead but kindof not dead. Suddenly a wizard. A femme fatale Italian milf sorceress. Eggsy’s cute lil butt. Magic. It’s some impressive world building and I prefer it to the sequel we got instead.

Too Hot To Handle

erejean, snk

Jean has recently joined MI6's elite agents as 003 and he couldn't be happier. His career is going places, his degree is paid for, his job is exciting, if somewhat dangerous, and his handler is the beautiful Mikasa, whom he will definitely certainly ask out soon.

Until it isn’t. Until Mikasa is replaced by Eren, who Jean quickly decides is absolutely the last person he wants talking in his ear when he’s getting shot at.

Reasons I like it: Well first of all I had to include this bc it was a bday present for me. :P I think this might be the only fic of crunchy’s I’ve read from Jean’s perspective? And I love him. He’s a cocky lil asshole and I still scream over this line: “He couldn’t believe how lucky he’d been to score Mikasa. She’d transferred from Foreign Office around the same time he’d been given his double-oh designation, and not only was she incredibly efficient, but she was absolutely gorgeous. Jean had seen an awful lot of movies and TV shows; he knew how this went. Sooner or later his roguish charm and devil-may-care attitude would thaw her icy exterior and the sex would be mindblowing.” HELP. I”M SCREAMING. Also it has SUPER SEXY hairy Eren (because crunchy knows my kinks, shush).

The Beneficent Gentleman

hartwin, kingsman

An act of heroism sees an unusual offer made to one Eggsy Unwin; if he can get accepted he can go to Oxford, all expenses paid. All he has to do in return is pass his classes, and keep his mysterious benefactor informed as to his educational progress via the old-fashioned medium of the handwritten letter.

An AU loosely based on Daddy Long-Legs.

Reasons I like it: this is incredibly ambitious for a fic. It’s all in epistolary form aka letters. It’s quite an undertaking to write but the result makes it seem so effortless. Plus I like handsome benefactor from afar Harry.

Season and Circumstance

hartwin, kingsman

Circumstance dictates that there must be a great distance between Eggsy Unwin and Lord Hart, but the seasons turn and bring them together, and seasons turn and pull them apart. Seasons always change. Circumstances must be acted on. A Regency AU.

Reasons I like it: Hartwin Regency AU? Need I say more? Also crunchy always writes the best frot scenes like...if you want quality frot, look no further than crunchy’s fics.

Magic Does Not Make A Garden

ereri, snk

Levi grows his garden peacefully on the edge of the desert, until the day he finds a boy with wings dying of exhaustion and takes him in.

Reasons I like it: Fuck this fic makes me wistful and teary eyed and hopeful all at once. King of crunchy’s short fics by far. I think about this fic nonstop. It’s too short to spend time describing it, just read and be full of FEELINGS for the rest of the day.

A Bird in the Hand

ereri, snk

Little ever changes in the Underworld, and few visit, but the arrival of a single songbird foretells a coming change for both the Underworld and its god, Eren.

Spring is here.

Reasons I like it: Hades/Persephone AU!!!!!!!!! Except Levi is Persephone and likes to wrassle and is so full of life I love seeing him like this. Also crunchy describes Levi’s naked figure so beautifully in the water i started salivating and it was so powerful it inspired beautiful art of the heichou booty by syn (nsfw link).

The Hero Who Traveled To Faerie in Search of a Bride

yurabek, yoi

The king is dead and in accordance with the custom all worthy aspirants to the crown must set out in search of a bride deserving of the throne. For one soldier, distinguished in battle, it was not enough to seek a princess among the neighbouring kingdoms, because for many years his heart had pulled him towards the distant spires and violet hills of Faerie, a land forbidden to mortals, for so few return...

Reasons I like it: sexy elf otabek with long hair :O and brave knight yura. I love the descriptions of the four courts and Victor is so goddamn perfect. The world building is sublime and everything feels so lush and perfect. ayaaaa to visit the fae for a day...

Under Neon Skies

sheith, voltron

After the battle with Zarkon Shiro finds himself in an alien city, on an alien planet. Here Zarkon rules triumphant, the Black Lion tame under his hand, and Shiro's own face appears on glowing billboards fifty feet high to advertise the arena fights as their reigning champion.

Shiro knows he has to get home because his universe needs him, but this universe just might need him more. He pins his hopes on the Blade of Marmora and learns that in this reality, Keith did not grow up on Earth...

Written for the Sheith Big Bang 2017. Not season 3 compliant.

Reasons I like it: i got to beta this fic but honestly crunchy doesn’t need beta-ing at all hahaha so it was a real treat to see it before anyone else. I love the alternate universe and the way it’s described so perfectly. Everything feels truly alien and you can feel Shiro’s loneliness. T_T And I love raised with the Blade Keith. He’s extra feisty. Also bc the most recent season has confirmed that alternate realities exist this is canon and nothing you can say or do will convince me otherwise.

The Garden of Wild Roses

allurivan, voltron

The galaxy might now be at peace, but Allura is not. A warrior without a war, a princess without a kingdom, she decides to tuck herself away for a while, take a well earned break and work out what to do with the rest of her life.

Earth is the obvious choice, the planet still coming to grips with a crowded universe but almost untouched by the recent war. Shiro organises a long holiday smoothly and swiftly, and it doesn't occur to Allura to ask if she's the only lonely alien he's installed in the village of his childhood.

Reasons I like it: Okay i know, i picked 13, but that just goes to show you that i’m a liar. This fic has so many wonderful character analyses and I love how it shows Allura coming to grips with a war that has been won. And also I’m a slut for good pussy eating scenes what can I say.

#fic recs #snk #voltron #kingsman #yoi #ereri #erejean #eruriren #hartwin #yurabek #sheith #allurivan

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