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cocogrrrl · 11 months

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you had grown up liking kyle from a comfortable distance, never thinking about making possible wounds. you, however, only just figured that out right now. unfortunately, you're overcome with the hanahaki disease likely because of it

kyle x stan's twin + gn!reader (hanahaki disease au) cw: major character death (kind of?), not necessarily an ed but mentions of struggles with eating, hospitalization, implied floater friend behavior if it makes anyone uncomfortable wc: 5121

an: this is part of an sp au where different versions of the reader has hanahaki and is in love with the main three! read the other two parts here!

Hanahaki is a disease something that affects many daily. From a small seed in your lungs, you’ll experience petals and flowers coming out from your mouth. It could take days, weeks, months, or even years to develop. Many hypothesize that it happens because of a love not returned, a love waiting on a bench.

Fortunately, it isn’t something that everyone will experience in their lifetime, although it is common. For those who catch the illness, you only have a few choices to pick from.

First, the sickness doesn’t last because the affection is returned. Many of those who survive this still need to receive medical attention for the healing process, depending on how severe the sickness had become. Many of these people who experience this are bound to live a happy life, though.

Second, you undergo a safe medical procedure that, while cures you, makes you devoid of any sense of love anymore. These operations usually do not pose many health risks, and the survival rate is high.

Lastly, you could just bear the pain, although you will suffocate to death.

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Growing up in the Marsh household was no easy task. Existing there was tiring because of the constant chaos that was your father, sometimes even mother to an extent. You grew up spending time in other people’s houses because of this, finding more comfort in others’ families than that in your own.

Luckily, you did still have a member of your family you knew you could always trust. That person was your twin brother, Stan Marsh. You two had always been connected to the hip. Sure, you two always bickered and picked on each other, but you were siblings. It was a regular occurrence.

You found yourself hopping from friend group to friend group growing up, unlike Stan, who had always stayed strong with just one—although you did catch him hanging out with the goth kids a few times. It felt a little bit lonely, being known by nearly everyone but not really being that liked to have a steady friendship with someone. You were on good terms with everyone, but at what cost?

That’s what makes you grateful to be so close to Stan, though. He often invited you to hang out with his friends whenever he noticed you were alone. He knew you preferred to be surrounded by people than be alone, so even if his friends could be pieces of shit sometimes, he welcomed you to his group.

It didn’t happen all the time, but whenever it did, you found yourself often wanting to be close to Kyle. You didn’t know why you were so drawn to him. I mean, he seemed like a pretty respectful guy, being the voice of reason in his respective group, but that wasn’t the sole basis of your feelings.

Maybe it’s because he was thoughtful and kind? You remember that there was this one time he, Stan, and you were out playing. Stan and Kyle were on their bikes, and you were on a skateboard. For shits and giggles, you thought it’d be fun to hang on to the back of Kyle’s bike, so you held on to the pillion of his bike. You lost balance, though, falling off your board and scraping your knee really bad.

While Stan was telling you off for being irresponsible and reckless, being the protective brother he is, Kyle laughed it off and pulled out his handkerchief to wrap it around your wound. You viscerally remember Stan proceeding to joke about how Kyle blew his nose into that handkerchief earlier.

To add onto his thoughtfulness, for the following few days after the incident, whenever Kyle was at your place—which was most of the time—he’d always check up on how your wound was. Perhaps he felt bad, freely letting you hang onto the back of his bike like that. It was the consequence of your own stupidity, though.

That was back in middle school, though. You had only ever realized your feelings for Kyle during your junior year of high school.

As cute as it sounded, it really wasn’t. Recently, after your shocking revelation, you began to take notice of flowers bubbling up in your chest. Quite literally. From time to time, you’ll find a few petals, sometimes even a flower, being coughed out of your mouth. How unlucky you were to be the selected few to experience this.

You should’ve expected it, though. Ever since you were a kid, you would start coughing up small petals whenever you were a kid. Although those instances were rare, that didn’t mean they didn’t happen.

You were cooped up in your own room, facing your own mortality. You knew Kyle probably didn’t like you. No way. He’s had a few girlfriends over the years, you being none of them, obviously. Wouldn’t he have already asked you out if he liked you? Besides, you often spotted him at school seemingly interested in other girls.

So now, there were only two solutions to your problem, it was either to face death itself or to get surgery. On the one hand, you could embrace a life of love and immaturity but ultimately meet your demise earlier than it should. On the other hand, you could live longer and have a shot of being successful but sacrificing all the wonderful colors of your life. Luckily, you weren’t knee-deep in the stages of your condition yet, giving you plenty of time to think.

Your train of thought was put to a halt as you heard a knock on the door. “YN, sweetie, dinner’s ready.” Your mom said, opening the door just enough for her to send her message clearly.

“Alright, Mom. I’ll just fix my things.” You said in reply. As she sweetly nodded and closed the door, you checked the petals that littered your bed—white, daffodil petals and flowers. You cleaned your mess up, holding in a deep breath as you made your way downstairs.

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Luckily, dinner was pretty uneventful. It was pretty uncomfortable with your food, though. You could intensely feel the flowers rustling in your chest as your food passed through your throat. How fun.

Once more, you heard a knocking on your door.

“Come in,” you called. The door opened wide, your brother leaning on the door frame.

“Hey, uh,” he paused, retracing his words and thinking of what to say. “Me and the guys are gonna hang out tomorrow. If you aren’t busy and want to come along, no one’s gonna stop you.”

Whenever Stan asked you to hang out with him, it made you smile. It was a thoughtful action for him to invite you to come with his friends since he knew you desperately needed some sense of a stable friendship in your life. You still struggled with the same things you’ve always had trouble with as a child, and he was always there to help you out whenever you needed it.

With a smile, you nodded. “Sure, I’ll come. Where will you guys be?”

“Kyle’s place around noon. You can come with me if you wake up early enough.” He said, critiquing your fabulous sleep schedule before he closed the door and left you on your own.

You were definitely going tomorrow.

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As you and Stan stood in front of the door, he rang the doorbell. Sheila opened the door and happily welcomed you two. You found your spot in the room by the left side of the couch, Stan sitting beside you and Kyle sitting on the very right. Soon enough, Cartman and Kenny had come over as well.

Whenever you spent time with Stan and his friends, you kind of just basked in the atmosphere, even if it is often just a bunch of sweaty guys screaming over some video game.

It’s not a bad thing, though—you actually find it comfortable to be standing by the sidelines. You saw the energy between the guys, and you were just happy to experience sharing a moment with them, even if it felt like you were in another room listening to their conversation.

“Hey, I’m gonna go get some water. Do you guys need anything?” You asked, getting up and looking at them. Cartman ordered you to get a bag of Cheesy Poofs and a glass of Coca-Cola, while Stan, Kenny, and Kyle just asked for water.

You headed into the kitchen, grabbing five glass cups. You filled four of them with water. Now, just Cartman’s Cheesy Poofs and Coke.

Cartman asking for such was nothing new that's why you knew he needed a straw to go with his coke. You check the refrigerator for any Coke. In your favor, there was. You poured some of the soft drink into the glass, filling it just right. Seeing how there were some straws in a tall container, you got one and placed it in the drink.

Lastly was the bag of Cheesy Poofs. You look inside the cupboards, hoping there was some. Sheila was strict with what children ate, so there was a chance that there wasn’t any. You were looking around the kitchen, but no Cheesy Poofs to be found. You were about to take the drinks back when you were interrupted.

“Here’s his Cheesy Poofs.” A voice said behind you. It was Kyle’s. “Mom recently found out that they may not be kosher after all, so she completely banned Ike and me from eating them.”

“So why do you still have some lying around then?” You raised a brow, confused.

“I keep an extra just for Cartman.”

“I thought you hated him.”

“I do, for sure, but I have to be a good host to my guests as well.”

You chuckled. He seemed to have sacrificed his money and good hiding spots just to let Cartman have it his way. ‘He’s a really thoughtful guy,’ you thought.

“What are you doing here, though? I thought you were trying to be a good host—playing with them and all.” You said a little mindlessly, not really thinking before you spoke first.

“I could be an even better host by helping you out and giving Cartman his Cheesy Poofs that he might’ve never gotten.”

“Oh, well, thank you. What a nice host you are.” You smiled.

He shared a grin back, and you shared a moment of silence. For a second, you wanted to lean in. That was until you were attacked with a violent coughing fit. Kyle quickly rushed to your side as you were hunched over, patting your back.

“Are you okay?” He said worriedly.

“Yeah, don’t sweat it.” You said, catching the petals that fell out of your mouth as you stuffed them in your pocket.

“Is everything alright?” You heard Stan call out from the other room.

“Yeah, don’t worry!” You yelled back, straightening your back to look back at Kyle. His eyes were on you, flickering to your lips. However, as his eyes landed there, he suddenly looked more concerned than he was just a moment ago.

“You have some blood on your lips. Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, pointing to where the blood was.

“Oh, shit. Yeah, I think I should get it checked soon.” You were lying. You knew what was the problem. You felt guilty because, even if he wasn’t doing anything, he was contributing to probable demise. “Just… don’t tell Stan.”

You were worried. If Stan found out you had Hanahaki, he would find out that you had a huge crush on his best friend. There was a chance that he would push you to confess to him, and it would be absolutely crushing to hear him tell you that he didn’t like you back.

“Why not?”

“Whenever he tries to protect me, he always just ends up getting on my nerves.” You felt guilty for lying again. Although what you said was true, that was definitely not the reason why you didn’t want him to find out. “I know he means well, but it’s exhausting sometimes.”

“Oh, well,” you pleaded in your head for him not to tell. “Your secret’s safe with me. Just make sure to get checked soon, okay?” He said worriedly, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Alright.” You nodded.

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Right now, you were in history. It wasn’t something you were necessarily good at, but it wasn’t something you struggled most with either. You were given free time to finish remaining projects, do homework for other subjects, and study for upcoming tests currently.

For now, you were catching up on a project worth 45% of your grade. As you typed on your laptop to plan out the structure of your project, you felt someone slide right beside you. You take a look to see who it was—Kyle.

“Hey, YN.” He greeted.

“Hello, Kyle.” You returned, your tone a little confused.

“About the thing the other day,” he said. Right now, it was two days after the coughing fit of your life, so you were sure that Kyle was going to ask you about it. “Have you gotten it checked yet?”

Honestly, no. You didn’t care enough to have it checked. It’s not like there was an antibiotic to have it go away. “Ah, yeah. The doctor said it was a chest infection.”

“Why are you here then? Shouldn’t you be at home? What if the infection worsens?”

“Oh, my doctor said it wasn’t that serious, so he just prescribed me some antibiotics.”

“Alright,” he smiled at you. “You really scared me, YN. You seemed so pale that I thought you were about to pass out.” He sighed, distraught.

“I’m so sorry.” The guilt chipped through the cracks of your brain. You felt bad for making him worry so much.

“It’s not your fault. I just get worried easily whenever someone’s sick.”

“Ahh, thank you,” you said, staring everywhere else than at Kyle. You couldn’t look at his face. Not at least when you’re lying to him like this.

“Hey,” his voice caused your head to snap back at him. “Uh, I know it’s usually Stan’s place to ask you this, but he and I are gonna head to the arcade later afternoon. Do you wanna come?”

“Cartman and Kenny aren’t coming?”

“Kenny is currently chaperoning his little sister somewhere,” he explained. “Cartman’s… doing Cartman stuff.” You two shared a laugh amongst yourselves, knowing the type of insane things your schoolmate can get himself into—even up to now.

“So what do you say? You wanna come?” He asked. “You know, for old times’ sake, I guess.”

Your mind clicked back to your middle school days when it was often just the three of you. You became closest to him during those days, but high school slowly drew you apart. You were sure why either.

“Let’s see—I’ll think about it.” You returned a polite grin.

“Alright.” He nodded. “See you later, or not.” He got up and made his way across the classroom.

Your eyes were glued to him as he chatted with Bebe. She immediately put his arms around him as she leaned into a kiss. Apparently, he seemed to be embarrassed by PDA, seeing how he gently pushed her back—looking around his surroundings to see if anyone saw them.

Huh. I guess you really didn’t have a chance with him. Should you go to the arcade? You would love to, but perhaps it’s best not to come if you feel like you were going to just sulk all day.

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Days turned into two weeks, and it seemed like you weren’t getting better anytime soon.

Eating became the most rigorous activity ever. Breathing was difficult because of the flowers clogging up your chest. You wore masks to lessen the likeliness of the petals falling out of your mouth. The lie about your chest infection had spread all around town. Everyone believed you, even your parents too.

No one knew a single thing about this—until today.

“YN, can I talk to you?” Stan asked, peering through your door.

You had your mask on still, saying you didn’t want to infect anyone as much as possible. You even ate your food in the comfort of your own room. You only ever went outside your room when you needed to use the restroom, go to school, or buy something you needed.

“Sure,” you replied nonchalantly, slipping on your mask and shoveling the flowers into a trash can.

Your twin brother slowly closed the door before sitting beside you on your bed, a look more worried than you’ve ever seen. “Dude, I’m just gonna get straight to the point—what the fuck is going on with you?” He was extremely upset. You could hear it in his voice.

At this point, you had already made your mind up. You knew what route you wanted to take, and you were going to tell Stan today. Fortunately enough, he was the first one to approach you.

“I,” you paused, thinking of any other way of breaking the news. Taking a deep breath, you continued, “I think I may have Hanahaki Disease.”

“Huh? That shit’s real?” He asked. He didn’t seem like he was judging you. He seemed more so confused.

“Yeah,” you said, pulling your mask down. Your speech was distorted because of the amount of flowers in your mouth. You could hardly move your mouth. You pulled some petals out of your mouth to make yourself more intelligible, tossing them to the side.

All Stan could do was watch in shock. “For how long now?”

“I guess ever since I was a little kid, but—”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?! Or even better, why didn’t you tell Mom?”

“You know how stupid the adults are here! Besides, it wasn’t that serious until recently.”

“YN, coughing up flowers is not not fucking serious. Are you joking yourse—”

“Stan,” you called his name as calmly as you could, although you were starting to get pissed off. “Let me explain… Please.”

He sat there, rolling his arms as he was ready to listen.

“I only got worse when,” you hesitated, saying his name. “When I realized I liked Kyle, which was about a few weeks ago.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You like Kyle? Like, Kyle Broflovski? My best friend Kyle? You like like him?”

“Ever since we were kids, I guess.” You were embarrassed. “When we were younger, I started coughing up petals already. I never thought it was a big deal because a bunch of weird shit happens here anyway. I thought it would just pass.

“That was when, as I said, I realized I liked Kyle. Ever since then, I’ve just gotten worse and worse.”

There was a long pause between you two. You could feel his eyes tearing you apart. You knew he was upset and angry with you. Who wouldn’t feel the same way? A somber “What will you do now?” was all he said, though.

“I want to get surgery.”

One beat.

“Haven’t you even thought of confessing?”

“Stan, you and I just know for a fact that Kyle doesn’t like me.”

“Don’t put yourself down like that-”

“Has he ever mentioned me whenever you two are together?” Stan shook his head. “You’ve noticed him and Bebe recently as well, right?” He seemed a little confused.

“Your logic is so stupid.”

“Wouldn’t you do the exam the same thing if you were in my position?”

“No. if I were you, I would ask Kyle if he liked me first.”

“I just think I should go with the surgery.” You sighed. “I know I’ll become a completely different person, but I can at least still be able to continue with life, you know? Be able to do something worthwhile in my life.”

“You know what happens when you get surgery, though, right?”

“I’ll become devoid of any emotion whatsoever.” You rolled your eyes, exasperated. ”Yes, Stan, you think I haven’t thought this through?”

“You’re my twin! I don’t want you to become a hollow piece of shit!”

“Would you rather have a dead man of a sibling or someone you can still talk to?”

“I’d be talking to a literal robot, YN. Both of the choices fucking suck. I’ll still mourn you either way.”

“Those are the only decisions I have. Who are you to decide for me anyway? This is my life, Stan. I’ve already made my decision.”

“Well then, I hate your decision,” Stan pouted as he pulled you into a tight hug.

You felt warm tears fall on your shoulder. You didn’t know what came over you, but you started to cry with him as well. In the back of your mind, you knew that this would be the last few special moments you’ll have with him.

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It took your parents some convincing, but now you were seated in a worn-out, faded hospital room. You quickly grew weak in the span of a week, unfortunately. You found it difficult to hold your body weight up. Eating became so difficult and uncomfortable that you simply just survived on heavy liquids.

Many people were bidding you their goodbyes, all of them of which you cried. It was like you were about truly die.

Even if you’ll still hold the memories of your past, everyone will just see you as a living reminder of what could’ve been. You will become nothing more than a living statue, something that symbolized something.

Despite all this, there was one goodbye, though, that was more painful than most.

Kyle entered the room, holding a bouquet of flowers for you. “Hey, YN. I hope you like these.” He said, handing you the flowers as he took a seat.

The second he stepped inside your room, your heart broke. He seemed exhausted. You didn’t bring it up, though. It’s no good to make people more upset than they already are.

“They’re beautiful, Kyle. Thank you very much.” You said, cuddling the bouquet instead of setting it aside with all the other flowers you had gotten—funnily enough.

There was a haunting silence that fell over you two. He was the one person you regretted lying to most since you specifically told him that you’d go to the doctor and try to get better. You knew it was a lie you’d never be able to get yourself out of, so why did you say it anyway?

“I hate to ask, but,” he said remorsefully. “The thing at my house, where we were joking about me being a good host and all, then you got into a coughing fit—did you already know back then?”

A few beats passed before you spoke. “Yeah.” Guilt nipped at your brain. “I’m so sorry, Kyle. I thought everything would’ve been resolved already by then.”

“Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault as to why that person didn’t like you back or anything.” He sighed, giving you a hopeful little smile. How ironic.

You returned the gesture for what would most likely be the last time. “Hey, Kyle?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m just curious, and I know is it’s kinda out of nowhere, but are you and Bebe together?” You wanted to ask just to solidify your assumptions. You were at your end anyway—why not be blunt for once?

“Huh? No.” He seemed confused. “Where’d you get that?” He lightheartedly chuckled. It in no way eased your entire situation, but it did make you a little happier. How selfish of you.

“Oh, I thought I saw Bebe kiss you once.”

His face turned red as he facepalmed himself. “The one a few weeks ago? Yeah, no. She liked me. I’m not into her at all, so I pushed her back, rejecting her.”

Now this time you felt embarrassed, covering your face in your hands. “Sorry…” You quietly muttered.

“It’s fine.” He patted your head.

Silence fell between you two, but you decided to break it. “Thanks, Kyle. I’ll miss you a lot. Even if we never became super close or anything, I’d still consider you to be one of my best friends.”

You suddenly felt a force push behind you. Next thing you know, your face was right against his chest. You could feel your hair get wet, feeling teardrops like rain fall upon you. You were holding tears before this, and feeling him sob on top of you just broke you as well.

You two stood there, crying until your heads burst from pain. You had many discoveries as people bid you their goodbyes—this was no different as well.

You were at your end, that’s for sure. The moment you step out of that surgery room, it will be over for you. The surgery was a dream-crushing procedure, literally. You still had morals in the end, but you wouldn’t really have a personal driving force within you.

You hated that. You wouldn’t experience heartbreak and anxiety anymore, sure, but you’ll never experience happiness and love as well.

You’ll miss how your brother invited you to hang out with his friend. You’ll miss how your mom took care of you whenever you caught a bad cold. You’ll miss sneaking out at night to do a bunch of things you’ll regret the morning after. You’ll miss squealing over a mundane text that Kyle sent. You’ll miss it all.

You didn’t want to kill the person you are right now to escape your pain. You would keep the person you are currently if you could. However, that wasn’t a choice. Will it be worth it? Who’s to say? At least you still have a chance to pay your parents the money you owe them. At least it was the more logical thing to do as well, you figured.

One of you pulled back—you weren’t sure who it was since your head was all dizzy. You couldn’t look at him in the face and believed he thought the same thing as well since you saw in the peripherals that he couldn’t look down at you.

“Before you go,” you muttered, reaching behind you and pulling out a letter, handing it to him. “This is yours.”

The letter was all of the things you wish you could’ve told him. You couldn’t leave him at such an abrupt ending. You cared about him too much for that. So you told him everything you needed to in this letter. You even included your biggest mistake in the letter: liking him.

“Oh.” he was taken aback as he read the back of the envelope. It read, ‘Open me after surgery, thanks!’ He smiled at the thought of receiving a letter, hoping it would lighten the mood. “Thank you, YN.”

Moments later, he wiped his eyes and made his way to the door. “I’ll see you soon, alright?” You nodded, not being able to trust your own voice much more.

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“Kyle. Sharon just called me,” Sheila said to Kyle, opening his door. “She said that YN’s doing better now. She told me that they should be out of the hospital in a few days from now. You should visit them.”

“I will, Mom. Thanks.” He smiled. Sheila then left, closing the door right after.

YN’s note sat by his desk. He hadn’t checked it yet. He wasn’t exactly sure why. Seeing how they had gotten out of surgery, though, he should probably check it right now. He felt a sense of dread the closer he inched to his desk, to YN’s letter. He picked it up, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was even holding.

The envelope was decorated neatly. There were cute stickers plastered pretty much everywhere, except for the dead center, where the words ‘Open me after surgery, thanks!’ were written.

Hi, Kyle.

Hopefully, you’re reading this after my surgery. If not, come back later! It’s not fun to watch a movie knowing the big twist. Although, that does sound fucked up in this context, lol.

Now, you should be back right now. After my surgery, yeah? I don’t know where I should start.

Actually, maybe I do. To start off, you’re the only one I gave a letter to. Now don’t feel bad—I did tell everyone what I wanted to tell them before I got my surgery. It’s just you who didn’t get their full message. Sorry.

I think meeting you was my greatest mistake. If I didn’t take up Stan’s many invitations to hang out with you guys, I wouldn’t be in this predicament. Of course, he was just being a good person, but I guess you could also blame him for all this mess as well. Kidding.

I really like you, though, Kyle. I know that you don’t like me back. There’s no need to say it. Even if you are reading this post-surgery, there’s no way to tell me that. It’s such a shame, though. I have to throw all my hopes and dreams like this just because I find you cute, witty, and charming.

It’s not your fault, though. I’m sure you know that. You’re a pretty smart and sensible guy. If you blame yourself for this, I think I’m gonna fall out of love with you.

I know I’ve been joking around in this letter, and while everything I have said is true for the most part, I’ll be genuine for a second.

It’s quite pathetic this disease is. Imagine dying because this person you like doesn’t like you back. It’s really fucking stupid. I wish I never liked you just so I could be with you right now. That seems a tad bit too paradoxical to be true, no?

I have and never will love anyone like I loved you. I thought it was a small crush. It was something more, after all. This is probably what I’m meant to be.

Sometimes, I wonder if you became embarrassed of me, seeing how you started to grow more distant from me when became a little older. I don’t know. I hope I’m just reading between the lines a bit too much.

It feels so embarrassing to admit this all to you. I hope you won’t treat me differently after I get the surgery.

I hope that there is another universe that is straight out of the dreams I made of you and me. Where we’d live happily together and cook pies or something. I’m sure, that if we were living together, you would make even the most mundane and tedious things worthwhile.

I’m gonna bury the person I am right now into a daydream with you that’ll last forever.

Yours in every way possible,

He stood in the dark of his room. Mind blank. He didn’t know how to react.

There was only thought in his mind, though: he could’ve saved you if he simply told you how he felt as well.

#south park fanfiction #south park x reader #kyle broflovski x reader #kyle broflovski x you #kyle x reader #kyle broflovski x y/n #cocogrrrl's writing #cocogrrrl's hanahaki series

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