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misterbitches · 3 years

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I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

#history 4 #history 4: close to you #i told sunset about you #a thot #tharntype #lovely writer #bl fandom #idk #lol #long

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wardencommanderrodimiss · 7 years

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zofia shepard v. social media

an epistolary in tweets, or whatever the 22nd century space-future equivalent of twitter is. I would have invented one wholecloth but I had enough trouble inventing, like, 4 randos that Zofia interacts with on space-future twitter.

I promise it gets more interesting than it looks above the cut.

Commander Shepard @.n7shepard Command of the SSV Normandy, a joint human-turian construction, granted to Alliance N7 Zofia Shepard to investigate attack on Eden Prime. 25 Feb 2183, 15:12

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard The Citadel Council has appointed its first human Spectre: Commander Zofia Marya Shepard, from the colony Mindoir. 4 March 2183, 14:30

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard SSV Normandy attacked and destroyed by unknown assailant over the planet Alchera, system Amada, Omega Nebula. More news to come. 12 Sept 2183, 17:53

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard Search for survivors of the SSV Normandy continues. Numerous crew MIA including Commander Shepard. 12 Sept 2183, 19:42

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard The loss of a legend: [a link to a news article detailing those still missing from the SSV Normandy's destruction, including Commander Zofia Marya Shepard; the exact site where most of the ship's debris have landed remains unknown] 15 Sept 2183, 13:23

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard Information about memorial services for the SSV Normandy crew and Commander Shepard to come. 24 Sept 2183, 14:45

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard A Memorial Flame for Commander Shepard has been erected on Torfan. 15 November 2183, 16:29

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard retweeted Mindoir Colony Council @.mindoircolony The Systems Alliance has approved our request to use Commander Zofia Shepard's likeness on our new colony seal. [a picture of the new seal: in the outer circle Mindoir and its date of founding are written, while within it depicts an image of Commander Zofia Shepard that has removed the scars on her face and corrected her overbite but at least leaves her distinct nose.] 9 May 2184, 12:25

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard It has been one year since the SSV Normandy destruction. Here is what the Alliance and the Council has discovered since then: [a link containing an article that mentions Saren and the geth but not the Reapers] 12 Sept 2184, 15:09

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard Today marks two years since the loss of humanity's first Spectre. A memorial ceremony is planned at the Alliance Embassy on the Citadel. 12 Sept 2185, 13:41 [a number of comments in this thread contain information about protests planned for the memorial, both by other Citadel races against Shepard's actions in the attack on the Council, and by humans who think the Alliance is covering up information about Shepard's death]

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard sup bithces 28 Nov 2185, 03:23 | The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard fuck i cant spell 28 Nov 2185, 03:24

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard why did no one change the password for this account in 2 years. oh well. changed now. mine now. 28 Nov 2185, 23:17 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard my city now 28 Nov 2185, 23:20

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard paws off, udina, alliance, all of you. don’t use my name to peddle your lies

29 Nov 2185, 01:09

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard how much did mr&mrs Man hate their son to name him first name The middle name Illusive 2 Dec 2185, 23:45

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard SUP BITHCES [a slightly blurry selfie of a blue-gray turian with blue facial markings and bandages covering the right half of his face, and a human who strongly resembles Commander Shepard, though with a number of deep scars marring her left cheek in place of the single white scar that lined that side of her face] 5 Dec 2185, 08:28

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard confession: i forgot that afterlife is the name of a club on omega so when i landed 1/ 5 Dec 2185, 10:34 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard and was told to go to afterlife i misheard, go to THE afterlife 2/ 5 Dec 2185, 10:36 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard and got really angry thinking they were threatening me 3/3 5 Dec 2185, 10:37 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt @.n7shepard I was wondering why you acted like that. That is not the explanation I expected. 5 Dec 2185, 12:54 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard you're the worst 5 Dec 2185, 13:20 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard actually i'm sorry i take that back M is the worst 5 Dec 2185, 13:22 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard i take that back. mr man is the worst 5 Dec 2185, 14:01 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt You know that's not his name, right? 5 Dec 2185, 14:40 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard i dont know a thing my guy 5 Dec 2185, 14:42

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard retweeted i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian I want Archangel to snipe me in the head, killing me instantly. 6 Dec 2185, 01:39

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard retweeted i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian Why did the official Commander Shepard account retweet me I'm literally nobody. 7 Dec 2185, 13:52

i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian @.n7shepard Are you really Commander Shepard alive again? 7 Dec 2185, 18:47 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard yeah 7 Dec 2185, 19:12 | i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian Can I ask why you seem to be spending so much time on twitter? It seems like you are someone with more important things to do. 7 Dec 2185, 19:18 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard yea sometims but nostly its wishing i was importnat like ppl think 7 Dec 2185, 19:23 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard sodry im dnrky 7 Dec 2185, 19:25 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard drunk 7 Dec 2185, 19:26 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard playfn jenga w archalgnl n take a shot evryw time u fuck up 7 Dec 2185, 19:28 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard im rly bad at jenga 7 Dec 2185, 19:32 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard oh gosh i am so sorry for all of that 8 Dec 2185, 07:21

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard retweeted Systems Alliance @.systemsalliance Commander Shepard: back from the dead, or an imposter on twitter defacing her name and legacy? [a link to an article speculating on the rumors and supposed sightings of Commander Zofia Shepard and on the erratic twitter usage from her verified account that the Alliance is having difficulties tracing or shutting down] 8 Dec 2185, 15:01

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard @.counciloranderson i'm sorry for publicly embarrassing myself 8 Dec 2185, 15:36 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard @.counciloranderson you raised me better than this 8 Dec 2185, 15:37 | fuck cerberus @ n7shepard @.ambassadorudina i stand by embarrassing you. fuck you. 8 Dec 2185, 15:40

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard retweeted i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian So I guess I kind of got drunk texted my Commander Shepard last night. 8 Dec 2185, 15:51

i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian @.n7shepard What are we? Are you into women? Salarians? 8 Dec 2185, 16:20 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard yes and i'm sure i could be but i'll admit to not having known v. many salarians 8 Dec 2185 17:30 | i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian I should probably say now I'm flattered but my heart belongs to Archangel. 9 Dec 2185, 01:27 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard girl same 9 Dec 2185, 03:19

Normandy's Best Jokes @.bestdamnpilot @.n7shepard Soooo does ““Archangel”” know about the depth of your feelings?9 Dec 2185, 06:13 | Normandy's Best Jokes @.bestdamnpilot @.n7shepard You counting on him not having a Twitter to keep him from finding out? 9 Dec 2185, 06:15 | Normandy's Best Jokes @.bestdamnpilot @.n7shepard I'm gonna tell him. 9 Dec 2185, 06:21 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard i don't have feelings and i am on my way to the cockpit to kick your ass 9 Dec 2185, 06:23

Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt @.n7shepard M politely requests that you cut it out. 11 Dec 2185, 18:02 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard tell her to say it to my face 11 Dec 2185, 20:37

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 [a very small sampling of replies to this tweet follow]

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 | humans r gross @.bangboomboom put them in water 17 Dec 2185, 23:24

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 | earth is great @.humansearth1st EDEN PRIME WAS A COVER UP THE ALLIANCE HAS SOLD US OUT TO THE COUNCIL 17 Dec 2185, 22:34

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 | Matron of Fish @.illiumveterinary It depends on what kind they are. [a link to an article detailing life spans, tank dimensions, and feeding habits for a number of commonly-purchased souvenir fish] 18 Dec 2185, 10:13

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard first person saying disrespectful shit about horizon in my mentions, i'm. actually just fucking don't. 28 Dec 2185, 23:43

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard @.counciloranderson are you getting any of my emails i'm not sure it's going thru 29 Dec 2185, 03:51

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard anyone else ever told their best friend he's stupid but it's actually you who's stupid 02 Jan 2186, 03:31 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard one of my best friends. ex one of my best friends 02 Jan 2186, 03:50

urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex shepard why do you want me to have this what do i do 05 Jan 2186, 15:19 | thresher maw hell @.n7shepard @ me, buddy 05 Jan 2186, 17:29

urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex @.n7shepard 05 Jan 2186, 18:20 | thresher maw hell @.n7shepard you can use 'reply' too 05 Jan 2186, 18:29 | urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex why do you want me to do this 05 Jan 2186, 18:46 | thresher maw hell @.n7shepard i dunno it can be kinda fun sometimes 05 Jan 2186, 18:50

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 | urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex don't. eat them. 7 Jan 2186, 04:51

Liara @.drtsoni @.n7shepard Fine. Are you happy? 11 Jan 2185, 11:46 | murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard super happy 12 Jan 2185, 02:19

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard LOOK AT HIM [a picture of a space hamster, blurry, with flare off the glass of its tank] 14 Jan 2185, 04:14

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard @.pontifex what is the church's stance on human/alien relationships 20 Jan 2185, 23:10

Citadel Ambassador @.ambassadorudina @.n7shepard You are an embarrassment to humanity. This is one of many reasons why your Spectre status was revoked. 21 Jan 2185, 09:35 | murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard don't be jealous because you can't get laid 21 Jan 2185, 11:52 | Human Councilor @.counciloranderson @.n7shepard @.ambassadorudina You are both adults. Keep it private if you have to fight. 21 Jan 2185, 12:14

Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt @.n7shepard Could you maybe keep a diary instead of throwing it all into public? Maybe? 24 Jan 2185, 11:36 | murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard you cerb shits would read it anyway and at least throwing it in public gives udina conniptions 24 Jan 2185, 12:09

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard @.lazaruslt can we install an automated fish feeding thing 29 Jan 2185, 04:48 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt No. 29 Jan 2185, 5:04

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard @.pontifex

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard @.pontifex what is the church's stance on human/alien relationships

04 Feb 2185, 09:13

Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian @.pontifex I apologize on behalf of @.n7shepard 4 Feb 2185, 15:52 | screaming @.n7shepard hOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON TWITTER 4 Feb 2185, 15:53 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian Four years. 4 Feb 2185, 16:02 | screaming @.n7shepard FUCK 4 Feb 2185, 16:05 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian I never used it so it’s not surprising you forgot. 4 Feb 2185, 16:07 | screaming @.n7shepard i almost forgot my own name my guy but that's nice of you to give me another excuse 4 Feb 2185, 16:12 | screaming @.n7shepard bUT WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME 4 Feb 2185, 16:13 | screaming @.n7shepard WHY DID YOU LET ME EMBARRASS MYSELF TALKING ABOUT YOU 4 Feb 2185, 16:14 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian It's the closest I've ever gotten to insight about your feelings on anything. 4 Feb 2185, 16:16 | screaming @.n7shepard i don't have feelings and i'm never coming out of this room again 4 Feb 2185, 16:19 | screaming @.n7shepard i'm locking the door and shooting out the controls 4 Feb 2185, 16:21 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt Please do not break the ship because you finally learned how to feel shame. 4 Feb 2185, 16:34 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt M tells me to tell you we are in her office doing a dramatic reading of your tweets. 4 Feb 2185, 16:37 | screaming @.n7shepard i want to be mad but i'm just surprised she has a sense of humor 4 Feb 2185, 16:41

screaming @.n7shepard @.gvakarian i can't ever look you in the eyes again 4 Feb 2185, 16:43 | Liara @.drtsoni I think you've always been too short to look him in the eye. 4 Feb 2185, 16:52 | screaming @.n7shepard how can you do this to me 4 Feb 2185, 16:57 | Liara @.drtsoni I mean, I'm too short too. 4 Feb 2185, 17:12

urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex all the beings in the galaxy and you pick not just a turian but THAT turian 5 Feb 2185, 03:55 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian Thanks. 5 Feb 2185, 04:16 | screaming @.n7shepard with you out there cloistered on tuchanka i couldn't go for first best being in the galaxy <3 5 Feb 2185, 04:20 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian Oh, thanks, I see how it is. 5 Feb 2185, 04:26 | urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex what is less than 3 5 Feb 2185, 04:31 | screaming @.n7shepard your ranking in my heart 5 Feb 2185, 04:35 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt Might as well stop trying to compete with this bromance now @.gvakarian 5 Feb 2185, 04:44 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian I always knew I never could. 5 Feb 2185, 04:49

The Commander is the Real Joke @.bestdamnpilot @.gvakarian @.n7shepard holy shit, this is all the funniest thing I've read in years. 5 Feb 2185, 09:16 | screaming @.n7shepard i hope this mission we're prepping for kills all of us 5 Feb 2185, 09:22

#i'm really sorry if this format is a bit hard to read. i know it's kind of cluttered.#RIP #i put the . after the @ so that it didn't notify random usernames on tumblr lmao #also i can tell you what the exact missions i was thinking of where zofia changes her handle to 'thresher maw' and then 'murder'#the bit about horizon felt kind of off-tone but i did want to include it bc that mission fucks zofia up a lot #the concept of her tweeting at the pope to ask about human/alien relationships is an image that's been in my head for months #also if you couldn't figure 'lazarus Lt' is jacob #and M is miranda who does not have a twitter because she doesn't want to know this shit #trash kid writing #zofia shepard #well i guess this is an oc tag #otp tag for zofia and garrus to come #ALSO the bisexual shitposting salarian from omega is definitely gonna get turned into a full OC i had too much fun writing that sequence #that's why it went on so long lmao

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