#/god/. i just. shit. i get it. i do. im sorry. i know it doesnt mean anything until i do something. and i havent yet

[mayxo-hxh]

Im about to get controversial.

Out of chrollo, illumi and hisoka, hisoka is canonically the least likely to flirt to get anything he wants, if at all.

A lot of people think he's a natural flirt but I fear I couldn't have disagreed more. He only "flirted" a single time and that was solely to piss off machi, knowing she'd never agree. Hot take? He would've never asked if he knew she'd agree.

Also, bro's the biggest humanphobe in the anime. He keeps his distance from everyone. The only human physical contact he ever made was through fighting people. (If you're a person thats interested in seeing more evidence, I have an entire long thread about it on twitter that I do plan on posting here soon)

so u cannot give me 1 reason for hisoka to flirt with someone at a random bar but chrollo and illumi? i can think of a few.

chrollo, he already canonically flirts to get what he wants. straight up goes on dates gets a suit and shit. he has no reputation among the general public that hes concerned of that isnt the spider. Illumi? He's a manipulator. I HIGHLY doubt he never flirted to get something in his life from people who are too easy to win over. He's someone that wouldn't care what people think of him. He's also anonymous. People have no idea who tf he is anyways. If it affected the zoldyck reputation? Thats a different story.

Hisoka? he would fucking NEVER. Him specifically? HE HAS A REPUTATION. And whats that reputation? That hes an absolute disgusting freak that no one should dare to approach. He kills people. He fights live and makes sure the audience is always disgusted and weirded out by his actions and performances. You look at him and you should immediately look away and pray he hasn't seen you.

So riddle me this. If his entire shtick is making sure everyones afraid of him and avoids him, then why the hell would he get himself a reputation that makes him approachable????

Why would he get himself a reputation that makes you, as a person who only ever heard of him picking people up, want to approach him.

On top of that, I just.. don't see him picking random people up..??? random weaklings that dont even know nen????? he literally treats them like trash that inconveniences his time. You're saying he'd EVER give them the privilege of sleeping with him???

And then you'd say, oh so he'd sleep with strong people! HERES THE THING. Why would he sleep with them..... when he can fight them. Him getting off from fighting comes NOWHERE to actual sex. What people don't understand is that he gets off to killing people and seeing them crumble in front of him when they realize theyre going to die. Torturing people to death. What's... that got to do with like. yknow. actual sex bro 😭😭😭😭😭😭

this turned into a huge rant probably but do you know how genuinely depressing it is seeing a unique character like hisoka that gains lust through FIGHTING and KILLING reduced to. sex addict in fics. Like. be so fucking serious right now. He called himself a FIGHT ADDICT in the manga. Can I see more of him actually spending his time killing and fighting people instead of whatever the hell bros doing with a random npc.

Anyways this is also why I hc him as asexual/demisexual NEXTTTT

#When a fic is so good but they make a hisoka a sex god instead of a murderer. like dear god. Ya Allah. Mercy on me. #can i please get more fics where he absolutely fucking murders people in deranged ways like god (Togashi) intended instead of.... #(checks notes) .....sex??? #sorry to me this is 1 fanon characterization that i just gag from i cannot physically stomach that shit anymore. #also the way he never touched a single human and is not a touchy person yet the musical made disgustingly touchy with everyone including go #i saw red when i saw that one scene. #thats not fucking hisoka morow thats hekosa pedoro #if togashi wanted him to sleep around he would've so simply and easily made him mention that. Like even leorio said he jacks off. #yet togashi didnt. because HE DOESNT. #HISOKA GET BEHIND ME #anyways asexual hisoka morow canon goodnight everyone #also trans hisoka can we get a little more content of that i know its completely unrelated but pls im starving #i would put the “ill do it myself meme” WHICH I DO I HAVE A DEMI HISOILLU FIC but im so slow at writing fics sobs and throws up #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hisoka #hisoka morow #chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #hxh #hunter x hunter #my post #my analysis

[todayisafridaynight]

oh thank fuck tumblrs back i was beginning to go into inbox harassment withdrawal

anyways do you think aoki would prefer it in the boyp or the back door? asking for a friend /miku/

can you go five minutes without sending boyp

into my PUBLIC INBOX

#nsff #like actually i sit and think about this for too long #snap chats #anyway. question for the scholars honestly... :miku: #i feel like hed just bitch about it hurting if you went through the back whether there was prep or not but... :miku: #why cant the miku emote be universal its so good... #i was about to tell the biggest lie of my life and say he doesnt like to be roughed up but i know he likes taunting people :miku: #he literally beggin people to swing at him he loves getting people pissed i cant hes such a FREAK #god maybe he would prefer ....... :miku: #can i be focused. no. #anyway Final Answer im gonna say backdoor. if not so he could fuck himself During and tell Whoever theyre doing a terrible job #just so he could goad them into being rougher :miku: sorry whoever reads these and is. NORMAL. :miku: #made me sit here and wonder this typa shit for TOO LONG

[misspickman]

cassierose for the ship ask game !!

Ship It

What made you ship it? i liked them in tt03, which you know, is truly a feat considering how terribly that comic treats both of them. but their dynamic (angry homoeroticism) managed to be compelling still

What are your favorite things about the ship? i enjoy girl antagonism from time to time. i know were all sick of the trope that teen girls all hate each others guts but considering cassie has a pretty good relationship with all the other girls on her team(s) its fun to see her just go ugh i hate this one. this one can go. theyre just fun and bitchy and i think they should hatefuck about it. but beside that theres also so much potential there ! i think you know, if anyone writing that comic actually cared about cassie or rose or about their character development, it would have been interesting to see their relationship change over time instead of getting one issue where cassie implicitly calls rose family while protecting her, and then the next one she immediately she calls her a manipulative psychopath for no good reason bc they cant figure out how to make the team interesting without having some wildly antagonistic relationship that doesnt make sense if u think about it for a few seconds. theyre never going to be besties but it would have been nice to see them go from blind hate to an uneasy truce; they dont like each other but they do, unfortunately, care about each other, and lets see where we go from that. + itd be interesting to dig into cassies hypocrisy when it comes to hating rose

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? i guess its that i would like them to grow past mindlessly despising each other ? this is not me criticizing anyone but i feel like a lot of takes on cassierose ive seen are that they should stay in the hatefucking no mushy business❌❌❌phase which is definitely fair and true to how they are in tt03. but i do have some issues with the way they were written in tt03 (particularly cassie) and would like to see their dynamic progress from that (see rant above)

#i guess the reason im personally more interested in them sort of working through it is bc cassie doesnt have. a good reason for hating rose #i dont think its ooc but a lot of it Is supposed to be bc shes either jealous of her bc of tim (??)or thinks rose sucks bc she killed peopl #which is. she was drugged and manipulated and i think most teen titans in the superhero business should be able to handle #that sort of a not black and white situation #and idk. be more understanding. i know rose isnt super nice but maybe calling her a manipulative bitch constantly isnt the way to go #theres fun antagonism and theres cassie being just needlessly awful to her (that convo she and tim have about rose) #and i do think theyll always be bitchy to each other but i would like to imagine cassie is more considerate than this #and would eventually recognize she was occasionally just being shitty ! it would make for an interesting story ! alas #i think cassierose going from hating each others guts as teens to adult coworkers who dont really hate each other anymore #bc theyve been through so much shit together #but need to keep up the appearances of hating each other bc god forbid they admit to being kind of friends. that would be fun. to me<3 #ask #thank you. so sorry this got so long #youve given me an excuse to rant about cassierose so this is what u get<3 #sorry that the question was what i like about the ship and i just bitched about how it could be better #i guess the answer is im intrigued by the potential. also i love lesbians

[jorrated]

not now kitten, daddy's on the brink of it

#always arguing with myself wether i should allow myself to be venty here cause i feel like im annoying but also its my home!!! #i should be able to be annoying #but also!!! i annoy myself venting! #AUGH BARK BARK BITE BIUTE[ #I HATE FEELING BAD AND BEING AWARE ITS DOESNT MAKE SENSE BUT STILL FEELING BAD WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CANT JUST #FUCKING FEEL OKAY BY JUST USING LOGIC #EXPLODES THE WORLD WITH MY HEAD #God i need to get back on medication #but CHRIST. #its so fucking expensive #and even with brazilian health care its still a mess #like it will take more than a month for me to get started on medication that will fuck me up for a while #and i kinda dont wanna be insane on my first clinic job #BUT I ALREADY FEEL LIKE IT AUGHBDSEFCECUIHAEDDJUHG[ #sorry for being depressive *thumbs up* and sorry for apologizing for shit i dont need to apologize #im just so stressed with everythings that im also slightly catatonic about it so yknow #like im leaving home 7:30am and getting back almost 10:00pm #and its all classes and internships and sidehustles #ive never felt so connected to bloody stickmen #its one of those months that logically i know shit will be okay #ijust cant emotionally feel like it #so fucking frusrtrating i want to kill the sun

[trash-iest]

Another year closer to 25 🤡

#this is so depressing 😭 #because i dont wanna graduate and i dont wanna move out for mba and shadi AND ADULTING JUST FEELS SO REAL WITH EACH PASSING YEAR #I JUST WANT TO STOP AGEING OR AN APOCALYPSE THAT ENDS EVERYTHING BECAUSE GROWING UP IS SO OVERWHELMING #just the fact that im in my twenties and not a teenager anymore is SO HARD TO DIGEST LIKE HOW DID THAT HAPPEN WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN #IM SORRY I WAS TOO BUSY BEING NUMB AND DEPRESSED TO REALISE I WAS GROWING UP AND I DONT EVEN REMEMBER MY 20TH FROM LAST YEAR WHICH IS SOON #GONNA BE 2 YEARS AGO AND THEN ILL BE 30 IN A FEW YEARS AND ALL OF THIS—MY LIFE— WILL FEEL LIKE A BLUR LIKE HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN #im deleting my tumblr on my 25th birthday. thats it #also a very serious question (istg im not being cocky) how do people in their early 20's decide they wanna get married or have kids #because oh boy its like everyone's getting married young and having babies like how do you feel youre ready because that is some MAJOR LIFE #ALTERING SHIT #HOW DO U WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND IT #HOW DO U FALL IN LOVE AND KNOW THIS IS THE RIGHT PERSON GOOD GOD LIFE IS NOT THAT EASY BUT PLEASE SHARE LIFE HACKS AS TO HOW YOU FIGURED IT #ALL OUT #like anytime i think about shadi its like no im too selfish to share my personal space with another person and then having to interact with #their family is all SO FKING DRAINING ESP WHEN YOURE NATURALLY NOT A PEOPLE'S PERSON #like how do people not get the urge to runaway before their wedding because holyshit my 19 year old self couldnt deal with all that #responsiblity and neither can this 21 year old #like its being stuck between feeling old AND young simultaneously like as a baby why would i want to have my own baby 😭 #and oh god the pain that comes with it makes me envy men SO BAD #like its so easy for u to say oh yeah lets have a baby and its gonna be shared responsibility BUT YOUR BODY DOESNT GO THROUGH HELL FOR THE #NEXT 9MTHS AND EVEN AFTER THAT I KNOW MY BODY WONT BE THE SAME AND SUE ME BUT IM NOT LOSING THIS FIGURE AND THEN FEEL SHIT ABOUT MYSELF WHEN #I DRESS UP WHILE YOURE OUT THERE CHEATING ON ME WITH OTHER WOMEN #i know not all men do that but knowing my luck i know i wont be ending up with the exception so fuck marriage and kids and having a family #and then he gets to excel at his career while i raise this kid and then few years down the lane when I consider getting a job again ill be #way behind in my field and i cant be financially independent. how do housewives not feel miserable? how do u make peace with catering to a #family #ZINDAGI KYUN AKELE NAHI GUZAR SAKTE BHAI LIKE IM ALREADY SO USED TO BEING ON MY OWN I DONT FEEL THE NEED FOR A HUSBAND OR BABY #WHY IS THAT THE ULTIMATE SETTLEMENT WHY CANT IT BE A GOOD JOB AFTER MBA #at this point the only way out of all that is death before 25 and im manifesting that for the next 4 years #i missed ranting on tumblr so much omg this feels heavenly

[the-kipsabian]

i also did want to start work today with talking to one of the most difficult, anxiety inducing, entitled customers we’ve ever had!! :)

#im so tired my brain did not register their phone number before picking up and OH BOY #i also like getting yelled at for not providing a service that ive told them. multiple times. depends on volunteers and their free will #i cant force anyone to do anything these are not paid workers they do this out of the kindness of their hearts and during their free time #im paid here but that doesnt mean i can boss them around and order them to do jack shit if they dont want to #and quite frankly knowing how this person is i totally understand why the one person that was almost up to this bailed after calling them #i dont blame them one bit like my god #this person is so entitled. and anything wrong in her life is my fault. and its also my fault for not helping them when i cant literally #do anything about anything i cant magically snap my fingers and make people appear to do shit #im so tired yall sorry i feel like my heads gonna burst #just please let this be the one thing of today i cant handle more than this #even better they cut the call of after being huffy about me not being able to help them (we've had this exact conversation at least five #times now. they still dont believe me) and said they were going to call my employer and make a complaint that im not fit for this job #or doing it properly #yall im getting karen'd shes gonna call the manager #except shes not cause my boss is at her other job she wont answer her personal phone and they most likely called my coworker #who isnt even here yet so i can just double check her phone and be like 'lmao so they called again im so sorry' #as she knows how this person is #sorry i had to vent my brain cant handle anything right now god i just wanted to chill here today ughhhh

[snarltoothed]

i need to be in a female separatist psych ward but alas they don’t exist! and as such i will continue being a problem

#r #like not taking my dysfunctional ass to any womyns land #but i’m also not taking my traumatized ass to a mixed sex psych ward #however i am ummmmmm unwell and not fit to be in society #i dont even get sad about shit in my life not working out anymore but at this point my anxiety is so so so so bad i can barely function #and ngl im on several medications at once at almost all times which should decrease anxiety and im still anxious #i hate thisss im not even sad or distraught but the suicidal ideation is hiiigh #just bc like ohhh my god i need to endure extreme anxiety in order to just like live a semi normal life #and whoooooo girly i dont know if i can do it over and over for another half dosen decades (if i’m lucky) #if youve read this far sorry firstly lol and secondly dw i am not in immediate danger #like as much as i ever want to it wont be a risk until my mom’s gone #and after that i’ll probably feel like responsible for not leaving my brother alone #ik not as feministe but he is part of her as well #+ he seems not evil somehow because my mother is amazing and unique and also we might all have autism #not that that exempts men from being evil misogynists typically but he didnt/doesnt socialize much outside of family #and my dad is impossible to talk to and he & i fought like hell as kids so my mom was his 1 socialization influence lol

[scottapez]

i feel. so fucking awful for sally. and im hoping this was the desired reaction i was supposed to get and not just me rooting for sonic some more

#a.rchiereading #ARCHIE SONIC IS SUCH A DICK FOR REAL LMAO #and like. we all know why geoffrey is offputting. #its genuinely so unfun to watch sally get put in a. ''love triangle'' arc that is clearly pointless babble written for pointless drama that #no one wanted. #in her own dang miniseries she doesnt even really. do much last i checked. its all abt the mystery with geoffrey.(iirc) #and the most interesting thing shes done the past couple chapters is. #display she is would rather side to the acorn family court system than sonic. which makes sense in context #but you'd think shed trust her best friend and (iirc) strongest freedom fighter. how is locking him up in a cell and letting him rot there #for eggman to just swoop him up at any time and roboticize him again #going to help anyone or boosts anyones spirits. #sonic even points out shit like this in a court case but its dismissed because reasons. like. god i hated that issue so much im sorry #I DO THINK GIVING SALLY A FLAW LIKE THAT IS VERY INTERESTING THO like nooooo dont side with your position as a princess in a monarchy which #you seem to be uncomfortable with upholding noooo noo #^^^^omg speaking of sally and knuckles should be 'given the weight of the world on their shoulders at age 8' buddies more often. #i rlly liked seeing them interact in mecha madness :3

[klonoadoortophantomile]

cannot believe that slime rancher 2 came out and i still havent been able to play the first one despite literally owning it <//3

#MY FRIEND BOUGHT IT FOR ME YEARS AGO I JUST HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO PLAY IT AT ALL #my dad has download restrictions on the computer becuz he doesnt want my siblings doing anything stupid or me doing shit without his #permission (which i still manage to do anyways cuz theres a ton of loopholes in the restriction stuff lmao) but the download restrictions. #theres no getting around them. so i cant get steam to play the games my friend bought me for my brithday a few years ago #and i cant ask my dad if i can download steam becuz hed just tell me 'make sure your grades are good first' #and man these past years. have been really fucking rough. in general but especially when it comes to school/my grades #i dont know how ive managed to pass these past few years it honestly feels like i shouldnt have. #thats kinda besides the point sorry. but not only thst hes also going to get mad at me for making a steam account behind his back probably #and also ITS BEEN YEARS like how am i suppsoed to jus ask now its been so fucking long. god #hopefully i can manage to get my grades up in time for my brithday this year and i can just. lie somehow and convince him that my friend #got me them this year. becuz the games she got me. MAN theyre games ive been wanting to play for ages now #inquisitivewaltz.txt #okay sorry im just rambling here. tldr my dad sucks <//3 #vent #I GUESS????? #idk just in case i guess

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

#self #for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school #and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt #trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house #for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO #and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time #i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it #is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication #which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it #but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can #and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar #but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely #on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment #her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way #i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ??? #if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to #hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very #honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer #regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend #i am not the person who put that shit in your folder #though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is #and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building #that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months #yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you #AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!! #BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!! #god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not #im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that #shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything #so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything

[b0mblover]

Hate, in Every Sense of the Word.

By: J

major tws for; suicide mention, domestic abuse, abuse, sexual assult mention, murder mention, (really just alot of violence tbh) self harm mention

uh, sorry? that theres so many tws, ig also minor tw for mention of sex too.

uh haha i uh, can you tell what happened tonight? it wasnt even the worst one, just, im tired of it.

talk abt living out of spite bc mannnn, thats all i been going off of for a good while now!

i uh, i really wanna make a certain food bc um. (LOOK I WANNA MAKW A LESS OILY FUCKER OKAY) but my father is awake meaning my mother will be too soon but im scared to even go out of my room bc theyre prob gonna fighttt.

hhhrbd okok ill shut up for now, go ahead and read the angry jirou bullshit ig 😭

(oh yea, if it wasn’t obvious. im talking about my mother in this.)

——————————

yknow,

you havent been a great person

or a good one even.

yet you still question as to why i dont love you

or like you,

maybe you have an idea of how much i hate you.

maybe not

i dont really care about your feelings.

at all.

not now.

i put up with this for fucking 14 years.

my entire fucking life.

ive put up with your shit.

but now?

now im done.

you have no idea how badly you fucked up.

when he said that “im sorry im a fuck up” 

yknow.

he mightve not been right for what he did.

but,

it was just a mistake.

it was a goddamn mistake.

you have any idea how many times ive uttered those words too?

how many times ive repeated them?

how many times i fucking meant it?

just because you “had it bad” doesnt mean shit to me.

you have no goddamn right to treat others the same way.

dont give me that “i dont know how else to act!”

bullshit.

bullshit you dont.

you treated your damn boyfriend just fine!

you had a goddamn kid

you had two goddamn children.

with this man that you fucking DESPISE.

you knew it back then too.

you told me you did.

you fucking told me.

almost nothing can compare to the anger i feel to you right now.

nothing.

you have no right to act like that.

no.

you have no goddamn right to hit another fucking living being.

for such a simple mistake.

i dont care if he talked about it since friday.

i dont give a fuck if he talked about it for months.

you.

you as a goddamn human.

have no right.

none.

in the slighest.

to hit another living being.

for talking about something in your eyes “too much”

or making a mistake.

youre a hypocrite.

need i remind you?

you said that after you broke up with the man you were having an affair with.

that youd be a better person.

stop the fights.

stop the beatings.

stop all of it.

and everything would be okay!

.

i didn’t believe you for a goddamn millisecond.

youre a liar.

just how you said i was.

you didnt quit.

you didnt stop.

hell two months after you hit him again!

you threatened to kill him and yourself!

cmon.

dont you get it yet?

i fucking despise you.

maybe to a degree i feel shocked.

but.

i really dont think thats it.

youre the root of my problems.

every single last fucking one.

——————

need i remind you as how i had to learn to cook, because you were too busy with your damn boyfriend to help me?

.

need i remind you how when i tried to show you that i was fucking cutting myself when i was 9 you only talked about how it looked ugly?

.

need i remind you about how many times you said that you didnt care if i hurt myself as long as no one can see it?

.

need i remind you about how you ignored the rope burn on my neck god knows how many times?

.

need i remind you how you denied fucking multiple peoples sexual assault because “it couldntve been like that”?

.

need i remind you of how many times i almost had to be hospitalized because of your neglect?

.

need i remind you of how many nights i spent alone, in the cold, in the dead of winter, just because you wanted to fuck your boyfriend?

.

need i remind you of what you yelled at me so many times?

.

need i remind you of what i seen?

.

need i remind you of how many times you blamed your abusive behaviors on medication?

.

need i fucking remind you of my entire purpose?

.

i dont care about your feelings anymore.

i gave up years ago.

but now.

i dont feel just numb for you.

i hate you.

in every sense of the word.

.

i dont care of what you or anyone else thinks of me.

.

i dont care about what you think of my appearance.

.

i dont care if you think im too thin or fat or whatever word youll use next.

.

i dont care about what you think because you’ll hate me no matter what.

.

you thought id stop being xxxx when you broke up with him.

you yelled at me.

no.

you fucking screamed at me for weeks.

im tired of even putting in the slighest effort of acting as if i fucking care.

i dont give a fuck about you.

and yknow?

if.

no.

if it would work.

if it was possible.

id fucking kill you.

id stab you.

right here.

right now.

to end my suffering.

to end his suffering.

all of it.

id end it all.

i dont care if its wrong.

because i know no one else knows about whats going on.

yknow.

only one person around here knows what youve done to him and me.

and i havent even met her in person.

yknow.

the people i used to be close with from school.

only just learned you had an affair.

i know that.

the police are do-less.

since you know them.

and hes a man.

not a woman.

it wouldnt be taken seriously.

that he should just fight back.

yknow.

youve ruined what life he has left.

his parents beat him.

his ex wife beat him, and cheated on him.

and here.

youve done the exact same thing.

yknow.

he’ll never get to see how love truely is.

because of you.

because of what youve done.

i cant say i really like him either.

but.

that doesnt give you the right to ruin his life.

.

yknow whats worse?

how i know the only reason that so far youve never dared to lay a finger on me.

is because ive proved that i won’t hesitate to beat the fuck out of you right back.

i know i joke about that night.

but.

really.

hitting you for doing that was the best decision i couldve made.

its kept me safer than i wouldve been for years. 

and even now.

if you were to as so much to touch me.

while in a fight.

id do it all over again.

you maybe 100 pounds heavier than me.

but you dont know how to fight against someone who wont just sit there and take it.

i wont forgive you for what youve done.

even if he will.

.

i want nothing to do with you.

get out of my life for good.

#j writes badly #woohoo i just love living in a very fucked up house its soo great /sarcasm #ughnf whats worse is that if it werent for my parents rn my life would be quiet literally perfect. #holy shit the being pissed at my mother instead of destroying my arm thing is actually working irl holy shit #(actually shoked abt that tbh) #unironically i wanna make a less oily fuck rn. like so badly. bc my parents went to the store and got eggs so i can #oh yea for the new gen folk that dont know all of the j lore (this has been bothering me bc its coming up on the anniversary) #i know how to break someones fingers and make it look like an accident! #turns out theres a specific way thats more common in abuse versus accidents! #dont ask why i know this 🙂 (or do- it reallt doesnt bother me) (also not that i would- /gen) #this is basically me catching everyone up through j lore im not even kidding tbh #and yes. i have hit my mother before bc she wouldnt stop “playing” as i had hot ramen in my hands! #(look. it wasnt the best move at the time but uh. really saved me in the long run unironically!) #THERES FUCKING GEESE FLYING OVER MY HOUSE RN HOLY SHIT #sorry. uh. i cant help it tho. i heard them and it was cute #oh yea even MORE j lore; i have a mildly unhealthy obsession with “being stronger” because im consitently (and rightfully) #paranoid that my mother is gonna try and hit me! #when the whole 2020 chrismas thing (when i hit her) happened i had just got done wih archery so i was still pretty strong #but then eating disorder happened and i quit archery. muscle atrophy etc etc #so like. its a big ass thing i think abt every day now! #yea theres a real reason why i consider my friends as “safe” 💀 #heheheheeeeee when no where else is safe thats just life ig! #oh god i need to brush my teeth fuck. #hhvtbd but my mother is awake :( #HHGBHGBSNS i need to start doing that at an ealier time bc it keeps getting in the way of things #again. how the fuck does smth so simple as brushing my teeth make so much feel better 😭😭 its weird #sighh well! time to go back to trying to find drawing inspo! #(i unironically cannot use my own trauma as a drawing point bc it makes me actually suicidal. thats why i write it! /srs) #CHOKEKSSSJ ok ill hush now!

[flugame-mp3]

SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

#theo.txt #I DID NOT REALIZE DEMON DEAN WAS NOW #DESPITE KNOWING THAT YEAH HE LOOKS ABOUT THAT AGE OR WHATEVER IN THE SCREENCAPS IVE SEEN #WHEN I TELL YOU I CHEERED AT THE END WHEN I REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!!! i love crowley pulling some bullshit at the last minute. classi #king of hell shit #and in the end scene where it's just mark sheppard's stellar monologue and the EYELID NOISE... chefs kiss that got me so hyped for s10 #i do think this finale got me really interested to see what s10 brings generally #AND DOESNT ROWENA SHOW UP THIS SEASON?? WE LOVE TO SEE IT IM EXCITED #rip gadreel though he was an interesting character. sad he had to die just to prove a point and blow up a cell. but a fitting end ig?? :( #i also loved cas's plan at the end though with the angel radio thing. get his ass lol #but also god i felt so bad for him. can the narrative give him a fucking break. he is trying his god damn best #the curse of free will and the curse of loving. painful but you do it anyway. castiel when i get my hands on you #also if i am not mistaken... the shot parallels to sams first death with deans death... we cry #IS SAM JUST GONNA BE ALL ALONE NOW?? I ASSUME CROWLEY TAKES DEAN WITH HIM? #OH NO 😭😭😭 SAM BABY IM SO SORRY #not that he doesnt always have a rough time but he has a particularly excruciating season. someone give this man a hug #i feel for him very deeply #'i lied' 'ain't that a bitch?' got me. i hate them. SOOOO brothers. #anyway #AAAAAAAAUGH #also why was metatron the worlds number one destiel shipper at the end of the season here im DEAD. MULTIPLE pieces of dialogue hes like 'yo #did it all for HUMANITY... for your ONE HUMAN of CHOICE... the HUMAN who motivates you...' JUST CALL HIM A SLUR WHY DONT YOU #im dead #idk what the general community thoughts are on that episode but i did enjoy it. wild fucking ride from start to finish #s9 wasnt my favorite and definitely did not hook me in the second quarter for some reason. def was not as compelling as like s7 for me but #the points that i liked i really enjoyed #loved sam resorting to summoning crowley. he wants his ass dead SO bad. i think sam deserves the world after the shit he was put through #this season #anyway overall. i am gnawing on the walls and pacing around my room at incredible speeds. what is UP with this show. #man.

[pinkseas]

girls who are generally huge fucking flakes to the point where they genuinely do not have Any Idea how or why their friends still want to be friends at all

#im so stupidly fucking grateful that they DO want to be friends still because i love them so much theyre so so wonderful #but dear god if i do not give them Every Fucking Reason to get sick of my shit and drop me #im really really hoping it gets at least a little bit better once i have a car and can invite them out places or go other places #instead of inviting them over <- never knows what to do when people are at their house Ever she is a SHIT host #but also what if thats just an excuse and even once i do have a car im never going anywhere or doing anything with them?? #this CANNOT last forever people are gonna get sick of it eventually its an actual miracle they havent yet #and im just. sitting here not changing anything about it always worrying and never DOING anything about it #its not even just offline!! even online its like i can hardly be bothered to actually do things with people sometimes its so. #girl who claims to care so much about people and then doesnt do a damn thing to actually show it ever #and wonders why shes constantly had people in her life tell her that they dont feel like she cares about them #god. need to talk to my therapist about The Food Thing too. #because the thought of changing anything about it is the single most TERRIFYING thing in my fucking life right now #but it stops me from doing So Much and it makes me So Miserable and So Anxious #and no matter how much i dont want to change it i NEED to change it #sorry for being A Downer ive been in a huge episode/relapse the past 5? 6? weeks and its really starting to fuck me up more than- #-it already was #alyalyoxenfree

[littencloud9]

//

#oh my god. twitter users need to get a grip #look. im not a fan of bsd.tiktok as much as the next person #but why are they spreading rumours about a regular fucking content creator just having fun #d.azaisplotarmor is famous and whatever so ofc everyone is trying to be different now that they have an excuse #‘omg i never liked j.ulia shes so unfunny!!!!’ buddy youre on TWITTER #get a fucking life #and to spread rumours about someone being ableist is insane #the person who created the og post has already deleted it and admitted they were making shit up about j.ulia being ableist so WHY is the #hate spreading at an even quicker pace? #‘im glad theres an excuse for me to hate her now’ youre a fucking dick. why are you glad that someones ‘ableist’ i fucking hate you #if you dont like a famous creator NOBODY CARES!! youre not quirky or woke or different #just block and move on #this goes for legit anybody famous. whether it’s in music or movies or youtube or WHATEVER #like seriously yall need to take some internet etiquette courses. dont like dont interact. yell about it to your friends or im priv idc but #do not blast hate on the PUBLIC internet. thats just shameful #i dont even fucking know j.ulia but i hope shes doing ok bc the hate is wild #it’s always fucking bsdtwt i swear to god. theyre all convinced theyre correct and smart about characterisation and wtv #like buddy. having 8k followers doesnt mean youre a genius humble yourself please #sorry. this is pissing me off #i need to turn rbs off LMAO #vent

[slimeylee]

why have these last years fucking sucked ass

#slimey-vents #trigger warning below hi did you drink water today and eat something i hope u did ur so cool and amazing pls get some rest gives u a cookie #please scroll past if uninterested i also dont want u to feel obligated like u have to read n listen to me vent and ramble on abt dumb shit #like 2020 - 2024 . have just been ass . #we're not even halfway into 2024 and it already is just #garbage . like its fucking horrible #i dont see how this year could get . any worse ?? but i wouldnt want to get my hopes up on that itll get better ? #like god what has been happening . #covid came up technoblade got cancer and passed away israel's continuing their mass genocide #and a lot of things have happened in my personal life . such as my mother passing away . #and . its just been so fucking hard ?? #i wish i had lasting hope in humanity . but tbh i dont think its ever gonna get any better and that really fucks w me #ive been having suicidal thoughts and ive just been in a very shitty mental state recently #like social media #is honestly the only thing i have to live on #i have honestly boring friends n all my friends dont go to my school . my gf doesnt even go to my school #ive had to switch schools after having a fun time and doing a lot better . the only thing that im holding on by a thread to is social media #all my friends . my fandoms . etc . i talk to through my phone and through here #im so glad to have met everybody that i have on here #im sorry this is getting really long ive started going on a ramble but i just want everyone to know that i love yall /p #i appreciate everybody so much . all my moots and my close friends that ive made not only here but irl as well #and everybody that ive talked to throughout the time we've known each other . i really just want to think that everything will get better #everybody that ive met through my years of social media and school have really changed my life . and idk what i wouldve done #having never met any of them . especially my moots on here that ive grown close to #its just been stressful . but ive strived to get through it all . despite how hard it is #and how desperately i just want to let go from everything #but ending one thing doesnt end any pain it just gives it on to someone else #and i know that im way too pussy to end anything anyways . #but on another note . #please remember that you are amazing . talented . strong . and i appreciate and ily so much . /p

[savethepinecones]

adding onto the wild ups and downs of the day i just spent an hour wandering outside in slides and a sweatshirt because my mother decided that the best way to deal with an argument was to leave the car and walk around without her phone and hope her famously horrible sense of direction didnt prevent her from getting home. my stepdad called me because hed tried to go after her and fucking went into a-fib so i drove out to the car and tracked her footprints through the fucking snow- at midnight!!!- a solid half mile while my stepdad drove around trying to find her

#i think i walked half a mile or so #which doesnt seem too bad except that i was not dressed for the weather and also didnt think to bring my fucking inhaler with me #and then when we found her she was mad at my stepdad for calling me #like sorry im worried you cant find your way home when you have a notoriously horrible sense of direction and are super pissed off #so like probably not super paying attention to where youre going #she was all 'i was just walking home nbd' but like i was following her tracks i know she got turned around and backtracked #saved me some time tbh because i recognized the prints going back the way they came so i didnt have to follow clear til she turned around #so fucking pissed off rn yall have no idea #this is shit she got mad at me for doing when i was like. seven #like i get being pissed off but god just wait five minutes and then you can storm off into the house from the garage #without wandering around for an hour in freezing temperatures with a questionable sense of direction and no phone #ive almost talked myself into staging a fucking intervention istg #and now shes driven off somewhere so we dont know where she is /again/ #but hey shes got her phone and a source of heat so whatever #brb gonna go make some hot chocolate #hopefully it doesnt cool down too much before she gets back #fucking hell