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griffith4u · 1 year

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Griffith Mothers Day Spring 2023

Turning mother part II a grandma is significant this Mothers Day 2023. Kaylah Carrera my only daughter & only child agreed to spend the day with me. Kaylah is five months pregnant.

Kaykah had very recently moved in with her in laws along with her husband to Griffith of Indiana to save for a house and two cars.

Kaylah my daughter moved to the very town I was raised and grew up in. I lived in that town from the age of four to about eighteen. Yes GrIffith… I was a Griffith Panther... A Griffith school girl…

Yes, Griffith of Indiana…

Kaylah asked me to take her to her OB doctor during our outing for Mothers Day the Tuesday after Mothers Day and I gladly agreed. My daughter Kaylah had gotten the Covid while pregnant and needed to make sure her & the baby were ok.

Stressed financially I went to the downtown Griffith coffee cafe called Grindhouse to equilibrate why I was so financially stressed. I got a can of Diet Coke for $2. That $2 was a small tip included.

The coffee house was quaint, bigger than Starbucks, and there were nicely dressed nice looking people there.

I equilibrated & blogged.

I then went out to my car surely losing my car key under my seat. I finally found it after about 20 minutes of uncomfortable bending and moving seats back and forth. I after that drove to where the Griffith Venture turned Kmart was with a bunch of shops. The place is now a strip mall that was deserted. There is just a Dollar store open.

So gross…

The strip mall was sadly just a bunch of empty shops with an empty movie theater. They were was just spying there. I guess I was not going to be seeing the summer 2023 Tom Cruise Mission Impossible or Top Gun at this dilapidated run down scary dump.

It looked dangerous…

I went inside the dollar store and looked at the store that use to be a Franks. I looked for a bottle opener to open my beer to make beer bread. I do not drink beer. I turn it to bread. The beer is not intoxicating that way.

The Griffith dollar store had a fancy bottle opener but it was $5. It was not what I was looking for.

I after that drove down the street to the Griffith of Indiana Stracks grocery store. There I found a package of two ‘old school’ bottle openers for only $1.99 for the two of them plus tax.

They were perfect.

After getting aquainted with the new Griffith I went to my daughter’s in laws to pick her up for the OB. It was time for our outing at a Griffith restaurant Bridges.

I was very early.

I waited and chatted online in my car for about a half hour waiting for Kaylah to get ready. I sat in my car in the beautiful quiet neighborhood with small houses of various neat landscapes and make.

When Kaylah came out in a tshirt and shorts so cute she got in the car and guided me to her OB doctor office in Crown Point of Indiana near St Anthony’s hospital.

We were about an hour early for the doctor appointment. Astonishingly they took us in right away. The OB doctor said Kaylah was going to be fine.

Kaylah was miserable.

Kaylah was getting better though. Kaylah and the baby were ok and got through the corona virus with an order for some cough syrup and a bunch of different variety of vitamins.

Kaylah and I talked in the car as Kaylah guided me to Bridges in Griffith after the OB appointment. When we got there I parked my car and we got to choose our table.

We sat at a booth.

Kaylah and I talked and had fun. I ordered the Taco Tuesday shrimp tacos special for only $2.50 a taco and Kaylah got a strawberry spinach salad. We both drank Diet Coke or Pepsi whatever it was.

Kaylah was wearing a Lake of the Ozarks tshirt her husband bought her. I told her my aunt and uncle had taken me on vacation to babysit my two much younger cousins there at the Lake of the Ozarks while my aunt and uncle attended Amway seminars. She told me it was a show & her husband got it for her online

I told my daughter of the fancy resort we stayed at with pools, jacuzzis, & boat docks. My aunt and uncle had taken us all on a boat on the Lake and let me drive the speed boat a bit. It was real nice. I worked as a babysitter and had fun both. I made money. 🤑

After Kaylah and I were finished eating I payed and asked the waitress if Bridges still had teen dances for teens to dance and drink pop. She did not know. I use to be a Griffith Panther in Griffith at teen dances at Bridges dancing drinking pop.

There were alot of things that changed in Griffith but it was still a quiet quaint town.

I am glad my daughter is taking a shot at the town. I think I will be back at Grindhouse and Bridges both there in Griffith.

I plan to next time take Kaylah to China Koon Chinese restaurant out there and give them a good Ni Hoa which is hello in Chinese.

Looks like Griffith can use my good business and good Chinese Feng Shui.

youtube

Hope to be out in Griffith again soon. The town can use some money, love & goodness. So can its neighboring communities in Hammond & Gary.

#Youtube

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bechloeislegit · 4 years

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25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2019

DAY 16 - SURPRISE FROM SANTA

Prompt from FanFiction Users Aalderman2027 and Guest: Military AU fic. [See the end for the full prompt from both].

A/N: Since these were both similar ideas, I have combined them to make this one fic.

"I know mom," Chloe said, holding the phone between her shoulder and her ear. "Beca tried. It just isn't in the cards for her to make it home for Christmas."

Chloe was bouncing her 11-month-old daughter, Sophie, in her arms as she spoke to her mother.

"I know, but this is Sophie's first Christmas," Charlotte Beale said. "The army should make exceptions in cases like this."

Chloe chuckled. "The army doesn't work like that, mom. Besides, we'll be spending Christmas with you and dad. Sophie will have a wonderful Christmas and birthday in Tampa."

"I can guarantee that," Charlotte said. "Your dad has already ordered ponies for a pony ride and a bouncy house for Sophie's birthday party."

"I'm glad we can have so many of the family there for that," Chloe said.

"What about the Mitchells?" Charlotte asked. "Are any of them coming?"

"Warren and Sheila won't be able to make it," Chloe said. "They had already had plans to travel to New Mexico to be with Sheila's family."

"What about her mom?"

"She won't be there either," Chloe said. "She leaves on the twenty-third to meet her sister for a Christmas cruise."

"That's too bad," Charlotte said. "There won't be any Mitchells to celebrate Sophie's birthday."

"She'll have one Mitchell there," Chloe said. "I am a Mitchell and will represent her mama proudly."

Charlotte chuckled. "I stand corrected. And the Beales will be represented fully. Your brother and sister are both coming for Sophie's birthday and Christmas. It will be a full house. Plus we'll have your aunts, uncles, and cousins who live nearby. They're all coming to Sophie's birthday party."

"It will be good to see them all," Chloe said. "It's been a while since we've all been together."

"It will," Charlotte said. "Give Beca our best the next time you talk to her."

"I will," Chloe said. "Sophie and I will see you in two days on the twenty-third. Don't forget our plane gets in around two-thirty your time."

"Your dad and I will be there," Charlotte said. "We love you."

"Love you, too," Chloe said, ending the call.

Chloe quietly put the phone down and took Sophie to her room. She had finally fallen asleep and Chloe laid her in her crib.

"Goodnight, sweet Sophie," Chloe said, softly rubbing Sophie's back. "Mama and mommy love you."

~ Day 16 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Chloe had been sleeping for a short time when the ringing of her phone woke her. She jolted up to a sitting position as she grabbed her phone and quickly answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe," Beca's voice came through the phone. "I'm sorry I woke you, but I had a chance to call so I took it."

"Don't ever apologize for calling," Chloe said, her voice raspy from sleep. "I love to hear your voice any time I can."

"God, I love you," Beca said.

"I love you, too," Chloe said. "Are you okay? You sound tired."

"I'm okay," Beca said. "Been a rough couple of days, but everything's quiet for now."

"I miss seeing your face," Chloe said quietly.

"Me, too," Beca said. "That's actually another reason I called. I am going to try and Skype you on Christmas day. I'm not sure what time, but I'll call you first."

"That's wonderful," Chloe said, smiling. "I'm sure Sophie will love seeing her mama."

"How's our baby girl doing?" Beca asked.

"She's doing well," Chloe said. "We kiss your picture goodnight every night before we go to bed. She recognizes your pictures around the house, too."

Beca sniffled and wiped a tear from her eye. "I miss you two, so much."

"We miss you, too," Chloe said, holding back her tears.

A muffled voice came through the phone's speaker and Chloe could hear Beca saying something but couldn't make out the words.

"Babe, I have to go," Beca said. "I'll call you on Christmas and let you know about the Skype call."

"Be safe, my love," Chloe said. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Beca said. "Always."

"And forever," Chloe added before the call ended.

Chloe put her phone back on the nightstand and laid back on the bed. She reached a hand out to Beca's side of the bed. Even with Beca gone for so long, Chloe couldn't bring herself to sleep on that side. She let out a heavy sigh and turned to her side, falling asleep in minutes.

~ Day 16 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Two days later, Chloe was glad the flight was over. Sophie did rather well but the last fifteen minutes of the flight she had soiled her diaper and Chloe wasn't able to change her since they were so close to landing.

Chloe finally made it to the baggage claim and found her mother and father. Charlotte immediately took Sophie and scrunched up her nose.

"I know," Chloe said. "I couldn't change her because we were so close to landing. I need to find a changing room."

"I'll take care of her," Charlotte said. "Give me her diaper bag and you and your dad go get your bags. We'll meet you back here when we're finished."

"Thank you!" Chloe said as her shoulders sagged. She loved her daughter, but traveling with her was no picnic.

Chloe handed over the diaper bag and Charlotte went marching off to find someplace to change Sophie. Chloe's dad looked at her and smiled.

"I've missed you, baby girl," Carl said, pulling Chloe into a hug.

Chloe fell into the hug. Nothing beats a hug from her dad. The carousel beeped and came to life. Carl let Chloe go and they both stood near the carousel to get Chloe's bags.

Carl and Chloe collected the two bags that Chloe had checked and sat to wait for Charlotte.

"So, how are you?" Carl asked.

"I'm doing okay, daddy," Chloe said.

"How's Beca?" Carl asked. "Have you heard from her lately?"

"I did talk to her briefly two nights ago," Chloe said. "She's doing well."

"Good, good," Carl said. He smiled as he looked over at Chloe. "I miss that little ball of sarcasm."

Chloe laughed. "I miss her, too."

"Here we are," Charlotte said as she stopped in front of them. "All cleaned up and smelling like a baby should."

Sophie reached her arms out to Chloe and Chloe took her from her mother. Sophie laid her head on her mother's shoulder.

"Are we ready to go?" Charlotte asked.

"Yep," Carl said. "Got the bags right here."

Carl picked up Chloe's two bags and they walked toward the exit to the parking garage.

"We put the car seat in," Charlotte told Chloe as they walked. "Your dad even took it to the fire station to make sure it was set up properly."

They arrived at the car and Chloe put Sophie in the car seat and buckled her in. Once Carl had put the bags in the back of the van, they left and made the short drive home.

~ Day 16 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

It was Christmas Eve, and Chloe was helping her mom cook dinner for the family. Everything was pretty much done so Chloe decided to make a batch of sugar cookies.

"Mom, where are the packages I mailed to you?" Chloe asked. "I want to do a quick check to make sure everything is intact."

"Your dad put them in the garage," Charlotte told her. "He'll be back soon and can help you move them inside."

"Hello, anyone home?" a voice called out from the front door.

"CJ!" Chloe squealed and ran out to greet her older brother.

CJ grabbed Chloe up and twirled her around. "It's great to see you, Chloe!"

"You, too," Chloe said as CJ set her down.

"Chloe!" Charlene called out, seeing her sister as soon as she walked in the door.

"Char!" Chloe squealed and hugged the younger girl.

"Where's my niece?" Charlene asked.

"She's in the kitchen with mom," Chloe said. "Come on."

Chloe led the way into the kitchen. Charlene let out a squeal when she saw Sophie.

"Oh, my gosh, Chloe," Charlene said, picking Sophie up. "She's gotten so big."

"Hey, munchkin," CJ said, kissing Sophie on the cheek. "Hey, Chlo, how's Beca?"

"She's doing well," Chloe said. "She's going to Skype tomorrow so you'll all be able to see her. Well, it will be through a computer screen, but I'll take what I can get."

"I miss that little ball of sarcasm," CJ said with a laugh.

"That's what I said," Carl said, having heard CJ. He stopped and smiled. "It's good to have all our kids home at the same time."

"It sure is," Charlotte said with a beaming smile. "Charlene, please set the table. Use the Christmas plates. Chloe, get the silverware and glasses and help Charlene. CJ, make some of that Christmas Punch."

The kids started bustling around to do as Charlotte said. Carl took Sophie from Charlene and cuddled her to his chest. He blew raspberries on her belly, causing her to giggle.

Chloe pulled out her phone to take a short video of her dad with Sophie. She put her phone away and she and Charlene set the family table.

"Carl, I need you to take the turkey out of the oven," Charlotte said, taking Sophie from him.

"Yes, dear," Carl said, kissing Charlotte.

"If we're having turkey tonight," Chloe said, looking at her mother. "What are we having tomorrow night?"

"Ham," Charlotte said.

"Your mom gave me a smoker for Christmas," Carl said as he lifted the turkey out of the oven. "And I'm smoking the ham for Christmas dinner."

"Sounds delicious," CJ said. "And, voila, the punch is done."

"Set it on the table, please," Charlotte said. "Chloe, can you take Sophie?"

Chloe walked over and took her daughter from her mother.

"Carl, you carve the turkey, while I plate up the rest of the food," Charlotte said. "You kids go wash up. It's almost time to eat."

"Yes, mom," CJ, Charlene, and Chloe said simultaneously, and then laughed.

Everything was on the table and everyone sat down.

"Carl, will you say the blessing?" Charlotte asked.

Carl nodded and they all joined hands. A tear came to Chloe's eye when her father concluded the blessing, saying, "And please keep all our men and women in uniform, both here and abroad, safe. Especially, one soldier who is near and dear to our hearts. And we know you know who that is. Amen!"

"Amen," everyone repeated.

"Thanks, daddy," Chloe said. "That meant a lot to me."

"Char, get out your camera," Charlotte said. "I want pictures of Sophie having her first Christmas Eve dinner."

"And make sure you send them all to me," Chloe said.

"On it," Charlene said.

~ Day 16 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Dinner was done and the family helped clean everything up before heading into the living room.

"The tree looks beautiful as always, mom," Charlene said.

Sophie yawned and Chloe smiled down at her. "I'm going to put this one to bed," Chloe said. "I'll be down in a bit."

"Can I help?" Charlotte asked.

"Sure, mom," Chloe said. "Char, you want to come, too?"

"I'd love to," Charlene said and jumped up to follow them upstairs.

Once they were in Chloe's room, Chloe pulled out a Christmas onesie to put on Sophie.

"I've dreamt about this," Charlotte said. "Having all the kids here at Christmas, with grandchildren running around."

"Oh, no," Charlene said with an eye roll. "She's starting already."

"Oh, hush, you," Charlotte said, laughing.

Chloe laughed, too. "I guess this year you'll have to be happy having one grandchild crawling around. She's trying to walk but she hasn't quite gotten the hang of it yet."

"Does she try to take steps?" Charlene asked.

"Yeah," Chloe said. "She's pulling herself up using the table, the chair, the couch. She then tries to take steps and she does but only while holding onto something."

"That's what each one of you did," Charlotte said. "It's a sign she's ready to start."

Chloe smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Chloe picked up Sophie and held her to her chest. Her eyes were half-closed and Chloe knew it wouldn't be long before she was asleep. Chloe sat down on her bed, staring at the wall across from her.

"Everything okay, Chloe?" Charlene asked.

"Yeah," Chloe said and sighed. "I'm just disappointed that Beca is missing so many of Sophie's firsts. Her first Thanksgiving and eating turkey, her first Christmas, her first steps, even her first word."

"Is she talking?" Charlotte asked, excitedly.

"Not yet," Chloe said. "But she does say something that sounds an awful lot like mama when she looks at Beca's pictures. I kind of hope I can get her to say it when Beca Skypes tomorrow. That would be a hell of a Christmas gift, don't you think?"

"It sure would," Charlotte said with a big smile. "Looks like this one is ready for bed."

"I think you're right," Chloe said and stood.

Charlotte kissed the top of Sophie's head and whispered, "Sweet dreams, little one."

Charlene did the same, whispering, "Try and say Aunt Char tomorrow, okay?"

Chloe chuckled as she gently placed Sophie in the crib her parents had set up for her. "Goodnight, baby girl. Mama and mommy love you."

The three women walked out of the room together and made their way downstairs.

~ Day 16 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

"Wow," CJ said as he flopped down on the sofa. "Playing Santa is exhausting."

"Thanks for all your help," Chloe said, looking around at her family. "Sophie is going to have the best first Christmas ever."

"You might have gone a bit overboard, Chlo," CJ said. "She's not quite one yet. She won't remember any of this."

"I'm not to blame for all of her presents," Chloe said. "I only mailed about ten things for her. The rest is all mom and dad."

"She's our first grandchild," Charlotte said. "I'm allowed to spoil her."

"Are we going to keep our Christmas Eve tradition of opening one gift tonight?" Charlene asked.

"Of course," Charlotte said. "Carl, you get to pick which gift they can open."

"I love this part," Carl said, smiling as he looked under the tree. "CJ, you get to open this one." He handed CJ a gift. "Chloe, you get this one. And, Charlene, you get this one."

He handed the two girls their gifts. "All together now," Carl said. "Go for it!"

The children laughed as they ripped the paper from their gifts. Each had a box and opened it.

"This is nice," CJ said, holding up an off white cable knit sweater.

"You'll look quite dashing in that," Charlene said as she opened her box. "Wow. Mom, Dad, this is awesome."

"What is it?" CJ asked.

"A complete set of Grey's Anatomy DVDs," Charlene said. "I love this show."

"We know," Charlotte and Carl said simultaneously, and then laughed.

"Chloe, what did you get?" CJ asked.

Chloe was holding a quilt. More like clutching it to her chest as tears ran down her cheeks.

"Chlo?" Charlene said. "Are you okay?"

Chloe nodded and sniffled. "Mom, this is the best gift I've ever gotten."

"What is it?" CJ asked.

"It's a quilt," Charlotte said. "With photos from her and Beca's life together so far."

"Can we see?" Charlene asked.

Charlotte helped Chloe open the quilt.

"There's Sophie right in the middle," Charlene pointed out.

"Here's our wedding picture," Chloe said. "The others are pictures of the two of us together, and some of us individually. It's beautiful, mom. Thank you."

Chloe went over to her mother and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm glad you like it," Charlotte said, her voice thick with emotion.

It wasn't much later when everyone had gone to bed. Chloe took her quilt with her and traced Beca's face as she looked at the photos. She fell asleep with the quilt wrapped around her shoulders.

~ Day 16 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Chrismas morning found Charlotte up early to start breakfast. Carl was close behind since he wanted to get the ham ready and in the smoker.

Charlotte was the first one downstairs when she noticed something.

"Carl!" Charlotte called upstairs. "I need you down here. Now."

Carl came rushing downstairs. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Do you know anything about this box?" Charlotte asked. "It wasn't here when we went to bed."

"I have no idea," Carl said. "Maybe one of the kids put it there."

Charlotte walked over to it and looked at the tag. "It says it's for Chloe and Sophie."

"Go get the kids up," Carl said. "I'll stay here. Something weird is going on."

Charlotte went upstairs and woke her children. CJ was first and he hurried downstairs.

"Mom said a mystery box showed up," CJ said.

"Yep," Carl said, pointing to the box. "It has a tag that has Chloe and Sophie's name on it."

"Maybe it's from Beca," CJ said.

"Maybe," Carl said. "But it wasn't here last night. How did it get in the house and under the tree?"

"What's going on?" Charlene asked.

"And it's for me and Sophie?" Chloe asked her mother as they came down the stairs together.

"Yes," Charlotte said.

The family looked at the box and then at Chloe.

"You should open it," Carl said.

"Should I get Sophie?" Chloe asked.

"I'll get her," Charlotte said. "You guys figure out how to open it."

Charlotte came back a few minutes later, carrying Sophie. Chloe took Sophie and walked over to the box.

"Look, Sophie," Chloe said. "This box is for you and me. Want to help me open it?"

"Mama," Sophie said.

Chloe jumped back. "Did that box just move?"

"Don't be silly," Carl said. "Just open it. We're all dying to find out what it is."

"Is anyone else freaked out at the fact this box just showed up in our home?" Charlene asked. "I mean, how did it get in here? And why didn't we hear anything?"

"Char's right," Chloe said. "It is a little freaky."

"Dad and I will open the box," CJ said. "If there's anything to worry about, we can handle it."

"Okay," Chloe said.

The three Beale women stood back while Carl and CJ stood by the box. CJ looked all around the box.

"It looks as if the box is covering something," CJ said. "I think we just need to lift the box up."

"I think you're right," Carl said.

Carl stood on one side of the and CJ on the other. They both grabbed a side.

"Ready, Dad?"

"Let's do it," Carl said.

They lifted the box to find Beca sitting there smiling at everyone.

"Beca!" Chloe screamed and ran toward her. Beca barely had time to stand before Chloe was throwing her self into Beca's arms.

"Hey, babe," Beca said, kissing Chloe. "Hey, baby girl." Beca kissed Sophie's temple. "Did I hear her say mama?"

Chloe nodded yes.

"I can't believe you're here," Chloe whispered.

"It was last minute," Beca said. "I didn't have time to call you. I love you."

"I love you, too," Chloe said, leaning in and joining her lips with Beca's.

"Mama," Sophie said, causing the two to break their kiss.

"That's the best thing I've heard in a long time," Beca said with tears in her eyes, kissing Sophie's cheek.

Beca took Sophie from Chloe and hugged her to her chest. She then put her arm around Chloe's waist and leaned in for a kiss. They stood there in their own little bubble, enjoying the fact that they were together.

"Do we get to hug you now?" Charlotte asked, finally breaking the silence.

Beca nodded as Chloe wiped the tears from her face. Charlotte and Charlene pulled Beca, Chloe, and Sophie into a group hug.

"It's good to have you home, Beca," Charlene said as she pulled back.

"Thanks," Beca said.

"So, how exactly did you pull this off?" CJ asked.

Beca laughed. "I used the key Charlotte gave me to get in. I found the box in the garage and put wrapping paper on it and then just put the box over myself."

"You've been under the box since last night?" Chloe asked.

"No," Beca said with a laugh. "It was only about 30 minutes. As soon as I heard your mom get up, I got under the box."

"Let's leave them alone for a bit," Carl said. He looked at Beca. "It's good to have you home, Beca."

CJ looked at Beca and Chloe and smiled. "Best Christmas ever," he said before following the rest of the family into the kitchen.

As soon as they were alone, Chloe kissed Beca with all the love she could put into a kiss. Beca moaned and kissed Chloe back.

"Merry Christmas, babe," Beca said, trying to catch her breath.

"Merry Christmas, Beca."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prompt from FanFiction User Aalderman2027: Military AU fic. Beca isn't supposed to be able to make it home but surprises Chloe.

Prompt from FanFiction User Guest: Military AU where one is a soldier who can't make it home for Christmas. The other is at home with the child disappointed but the soldier is able to surprise them at the last minute.

#bechloe fanfiction #bechloe #chloe beale #beca mitchell

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gwynversionone · 6 years

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Gwyn V1.0 (A story of De-transitioning) Pt. 1

CONTENT WARNING: Self harm, contemplation of suicide, de-transitioning, slight dysphoria talk.

So, this story has to start with my coming out of my shell yeah? That’s essentially how these go from what I’ve seen.At as young an age as I can remember I did all the generic stuff that you’d expect or have heard about eggs doing. I wore my mom’s high heels, she would paint my nails, I preferred to play outside with girls, I played with every one of my friend’s barbies (no way in hell my adopted father would have a boy that owned “girl’s toys”.) So as I grew up I was bullied a lot for being a defenseless crybaby, literally like all the tropes you can think of. As I grew into an awkward 13 year old who dyed their hair black and wore Tripp pants, I began painting my nails myself and wearing “guy-liner” (thank you Pete Wentz and Gerard Way.) My mom and her second husband just assumed it was because I was into emo music. This was my continued way of dress and I started experimenting with dying my hair more colors (at least the ones my Mom would let me get away with.)

At 16 years old I began dating a girl who was in a grade lower than me. We dated for the next year and a half and she ended up being one of only two people who I mentioned “feeling like a girl” to. She didn’t understand it, at 16 in 2007 I wouldn’t really expect her to. But one of the kickers was, she was 6 ft 2 and so was/am I. She would let me try on her clothes every once and a while which gave me further chances to explore myself and legit was the happiest I was during all of high school. Unfortunately our relationship had a fucking awful ending, like suuuuuuper bad. I made it out of the relationships with some of her clothes and like every other girl with some of their exes clothes, they became MY clothes.

So, come age 18 I have a car and can go where I want. I start spending more time outside of the house and have a social life. I start cruising craigslist trying to truly figure out who I was. I chatted with maybe 3 or 4 people from craigslist before enough shitty experience made me realize that wasn’t the avenue to explore but, by this time I knew I was trans and I knew I had to do something about it. I started trying to talk to my mom about these issues and her bizarre and horribly het-centered response was “Well what if you meet a girl you really love and she doesn’t want you to be a girl?” At the time I was floored, “Why would I ever start dating someone who didn’t accept me for who I am?!” However, this seemed to be an adequate line of questioning for her to block me with. I started just using all my spare money to go to Hot Topic and buy whatever I could without rousing suspicion and if that didn’t work well my cousin would come with me and give moral support and be my “cover.”(If you’re reading this btw please get back in touch, I miss you dearly.) After about 2 months and turning 19 I finally decided I had to come out, for real.

After the high of Say Anything’s “Anarchy My Dear” tour, where me and my cousin went and jammed to all of our new favorite songs, I had decided it was time. We had talked about it all that night and they decided to be there for me when I did it (they were always better with “sjw” topics than I was (at the time at least.).) It was midnight, but I was too high off of adrenaline from the concert, so we went and knocked on my mother’s door. It was an hour of arguing and trying to get them to see my side. Her husband used a false story (this was later confirmed to be false) of knowing a trans person as an excuse of trauma that wouldn’t allow me to be myself around him. I was livid, I hardly slept that night. The next day after her husband went to work we had a second discussion. She decided to use her previously mentioned go to argument in an attempt to squash my hopes yet again. We both departed to our rooms where in an attempt to cool off. However, she left her door open (I believe that this was on purpose to this day) she got on the phone with her mother and began talking loudly about sending me to live with my adopted father so maybe I would learn some respect and not to talk back. I became furious at this point, I grabbed the nearest sharp object I had and in the only ever act of self-harm I’ve ever committed I violently stabbed myself 4 times in my right thigh. She eventually came to check on me and after seeing me attempting to stop the bleeding (which didn’t last too long anyway) she threatened to call the cops on me and have me committed. It was at this time I called my aunt (the mother of the previously mentioned cousin) who I managed to come out to just a few months before and said I could rely on her if need be. She agreed to come pick me up, I packed whatever I could and left.

I lived with her for roughly 3 months. In that time I visited my mom twice to pick up more of my stuff (which I then would have to sell in order to have money to get back and forth to school.) Both times I visited my mom we’d argue and she’d lock herself in the bedroom and threaten to kill herself. There was nothing I could do, I love my mom, she’s the only one I’ll have after all but, I knew I couldn’t stress my mental state more and I had to have faith that she’d come down and be ok. After the three months were up she finally had enough of the radio silence and agreed to have me back exactly as I was (by this point I was pretty much living full time at school but my aunt didn’t want me living full time in her house so I wouldn’t “traumatize my younger cousin,” that’s the younger sibling of my previously mentioned cousin to be clear.) I came back to my mother’s house and began living full time almost immediately. The only time I was forced to hide it was whenever they had friends over (not often) or whenever we had to go to my grandparents house.

That’s the end of part 1. Part 2 will cover the events leading up to my de-transition and the de-transition itself. In the interim I am going to post a bunch of my pictures from my old transition. I’ve come to terms with what’s happened over the years and I really love all these photos.

#transition #trans #content warning #de-transition

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its-abroad-world · 4 years

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Adventure #5: June 7, Tallinn, Estonia: Fortresses, cobbled streets, and herring???? June 8: Sea Day #3 June 9: Warnemunde, Germany: Sausages and Clocks

This stop on the cruise was one of the shortest ones (we had to be back on the ship by 4 pm), so we woke up early to have breakfast so that we could be off the ship as soon as the gangway was open for disembarkment. After purchasing shuttle bus tickets into the city we headed out to see the fortress “Kiek en de Kӧk” that the city was best known for. We got a little turned around for a bit which my dad was upset about for a bit, but eventually, we were able to locate Old Town. It was amazing to see a medieval city so well preserved in the center of a modern city; it was like a small pocket of the past amidst the present. All of sudden the streets were cobblestone instead of cement and we were surrounded by towering walls with watchtowers and old stone buildings.

Tallinn, a trading city on the Baltic Sea dates back to the 13th century and is a registered UNESCO World Heritage site. While Old Town is a historic landmark and a popular place for tourists to visit, it still functions much as it did back in the day with people living and working there as well as having commercial and religious functions.

As we wandered around Lower Old Town, we stumbled upon the entrance to the famed Town Wall. My parents didn’t want to join my sister and I, so we climbed to the top of the wall while they watched for us from down below. The steps were really steep and slightly slippery from years of being worn down by constant foot traffic. While we were up there, we were able to see this gorgeous view overlooking Old Town. We visited the Stout Margaret Tower (Paks Margareeta), a cannon tower that is best known as “Fat Margaret”. They say that the tower got its name from a large cannon that it housed or from a cook named Margaret who used to work there. It was funny going up there with my sister because she is deathly afraid of height. Every time that she thought I got too close to the railing or leaned over too much, she would start freaking out. I definitely got some butterflies in my stomach from how high up we were, but being the younger sister, of course, I had to mess with her a little bit. It’s safe to say that by the time we climbed down, she was stressed and sweaty.

After spending some time on the wall, we walked around for a bit longer, looking at the various highlights on the map before grabbing lunch at this pub. There were so many drinks that we wanted to, and since we were only going to be there for the afternoon, of course, we ordered everything we wanted: juniper beer, a le coq beer, a local pale ale, passion fruit cider, and rhubarb lemonade. We also ordered some herring, something that my dad and I had been wanting to try for a while after seeing it on various travel shows. Herring is a popular dish in Scandanavia and is served many ways, and the one that we wanted to try was raw cured herring. I was not a fan. It was served with fried potato balls and a garlic cream sauce. The flavor was salty and very fishy and a little bit slimy. The funniest bit was watching my sister try it, who is not a fan of fish to begin with. She dunked the smallest piece of fish in the sauce and was writhing as she put it in her mouth; she refused to chew it and then swallowed it whole. In comparison, the savory chicken mushroom cheese pancakes that we ordered were very yummy. They were more like crepes rather than American style pancakes.

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After lunch, we walked around some more, without anything particular in mind. Most of the buildings or landmarks worthy of note were on Toompea Hill, which was actually a bit of a steep walk. In Palace Square, there was Saint Alexander Nevsky Cathedral, a Russian Orthodox church built in 1900. It looked so much like the churches that we saw in St. Petersburg.

The highlight of my day was really freaking my sister out while looking out over one of the oldest medieval towns. Next to one of the lower parts of the fortress, my family and I were looking at the Toompea Park down below and I asked my mom to take a picture of me laying on the wall, but my sister got scared and tried to pull me down. My mom got the picture mid-pull. I couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard.

After walking around a hilly, cobbled city, we were pretty tired so we headed to the shuttle so we could go back to the ship. Because we went back to the ship early, we were back in time to make it to tea-time. Princess Cruises has tea time from 3 pm to 4 pm every day. They serve finger sandwiches, scones with clotted cream and jam, small pastries, and English tea with sugar and cream. On previous cruises, we always looked forward to going to tea time for the scones with clotted cream and jam. After tea time with my parents, I headed up to the pool deck to read outside, then later moved to the piazza in the center of the ship to listen to the string quartet perform.

Our night ended much like it did the other nights. At dinner, we ordered everything new (of course) and then listened to the performers in the piazza before heading to the karaoke lounge.

June 8 - Sea Day #3

Having a sea day after 3 days of non-stop touring, it was nice to be able to sleep in and get some rest. I slept into the afternoon and then grabbed some lunch with my parents. On sea days, there is usually a lot of activities to do on board but I usually like to spend my time reading or watching whatever is on the jumbotron on the pool deck. That evening, they would be hosting the formal night and everyone would dress up in tuxedos and evening gowns. Because we were grabbing dinner with the Flores’, we got ready earlier so we had enough time to take pictures before dinner.

Dinner with them was a riot and we were stuffed full of escargot and lobster. After our usual time at the karaoke lounge, we joined the dance party in the piazza and stayed there until we all headed to bed.

June 9: Warnemunde and Rostock, Germany

Our 9th day on the cruise, we docked in Warnemunde, Germany. Because the ship would be docked until 9 pm that night, we weren’t too fussed about waking up early to head into town. This port was where cruises docked so that passengers could take a bus to Berlin about 2-3 hours away. We already planned on going to Berlin after the cruise so we instead spent our time going around Warnemunde and Rostock, a 15-minute train ride from the port city.

We started our day off going to Rostock. Rostock is a Hanseatic City that is considered often referred to as the “Gateway to the North”. True to its description of being a quaint town, many of the buildings were in an older style and just overall, very European-looking. We didn’t really know too much about the city before coming here, so we spent most of our time wandering around. There were a bunch of clothing and shoe stores lined along the way, however, because it was Sunday, almost everything was closed and the city seemed a little deserted.

As we walked around, we spotted a food stand selling sausages and currywurst, both of which I am a big fan of. My aunt married a German, so growing up, I ate a lot of German food because I was always spending time with my cousins, so of course, when I saw the sign of currywurst I had to get some. Currywurst is basically sliced sausage topped with curry powder that you dip in curry ketchup; we also ordered a Rostocker, the local sausage. We were shocked when the man handed us the Rostocker because the sausage was ginormous but the bread it was served in was the size of a dinner roll. I didn’t end up liking the Rostocker because it was so porky, but the currywurst was quite tasty.

We wandered into one of the older, larger churches, Saint Marien-Kirche, where we stumbled upon my favorite thing that day: The Astronomic Clock of 1472. The clock was built by Hans Düringer, a master clocksmith from Nuremberg. The clock shows, hours, days, months, years, phases of the sun and moon, and the Zodiac. The clock had computation of the dates of Easter up until 2017 but was updated in 2018 to add on more years. This is the oldest and last working astronomical clock from the Middle Ages that still tell the time, date, and more. The highlight of the clock is at noon when there is a procession by the Apostles. The Apostles circle Christ, then file through a door that is supposed to represent heaven, and just before Judas enters, the doors close and he is left outside. It was so cool that we were actually there at noon when the procession occurred.

After our time at the church, we headed back to Warnemunde to wander around there as well. It was a cute coastal town with restaurants and cafes up and down the marina. We wandered in and out of some of the shops that were open and tried fried fish sandwiches at one of the boats docked there.

By 4 pm we were done walking around and headed back to the ship to get a little bit of rest before dinner, which was, as usual, very filling and entertaining.

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kingdomzeldaquest · 7 years

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Lila’s Nightmare - Mystic Messenger Zen X MC

Zen is a soldier stationed in Lila’s town. After an impeding attack on the town threatens to separate them, Zen will do what he can to take her home with him.

Story taken from the song from the musical Miss Saigon - Kim’s Nightmare

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Zen nervously tapped his foot as the Captain wrote out the papers he so desperately needed. The city was going to fall soon and the troops that were stationed there were soon going to be pulled out.

The Captain finally spoke as he pushed over a pile of papers across the table, “Sorry, sergeant, as things degenerate, all I'm giving her is her emigration papers, without the wait. Sign here.”

Frustration hit Zen and he brought his hand down onto the table, “That's not good enough!” He knew just the papers alone wouldn’t be enough to get her out safely right now.

Sighing at his frustration, the Captain took back the papers. Working quickly, he subtly added a few more pages to the documents, “This will get her on board the carrier. You're declaring that you will marry her when you get back to the states?” Zen nodded, of course he was going to marry her. She was the love of his life, “Sign here.” He didn’t have time for another outburst from Zen.

As Zen signed the papers, a soldier came up behind the Captain. He glanced at Zen before speaking again, “By order of the old man, the embassy will close according to plan.” He spoke loud enough for both the Captain and Zen to hear.

The Captain nodded at the soldier before addressing Zen, “I'll stretch a couple rules to issue her pass. That's it, you're ready.” Zen nodded again, taking what he needed before turning and leaving, “Nice ass.” The Captain mumbled to himself before shouting, “Who's next?”

When another soldier came back to the Captain, complaining that it was taking too long, the Captain was beginning to get frustrated, “By order of the old man we're processing the gooks as fast as we can. I mean Vietnamese, hey don't get me wrong, can't leave these looks for the Cong - right?”

Finally Zen had made it back to her small place where Lila was waiting for him. They had only spent a few months together, ever since Zen was stationed in the city after being deployed for war. It was love at first sight for Zen. She was a few years younger than him, but she was scared and alone and it reminded Zen of himself only a few short years ago.

After getting to know each other, Zen swore he would protect her, and right now that meant getting her out of the country.

She was quick to her feet at the sight of her white haired lover, throwing her arms around his tall frame as soon as she reached him.

He looked up as he embraced her, only to see the clock behind her, “Christ, I am due at the embassy. No time to lose.” He had only come back on his way to the embassy to tell her he was successful in getting the papers to take her with him.

“I don't want you to leave me today.” Lila didn’t let him go as she tried to hold him tighter. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared. Everything was going to hell outside and she didn’t like when Zen wasn’t here to keep her safe.

Prying her arms from around him, albeit reluctantly, Zen held her by her shoulders, “Well at least Uncle Sam bought our honeymoon cruise.” He offered her his dashing smile to try and comfort her.

Lila shook her head, grabbing his biceps as she looked up at him with pleading eyes, “If you're going I don't want to stay.”

Zen dropped one arm and pulled out his gun, “Look I'm leaving my gun.” He took one of her hands and placed the handle in her small delicate fingers, “We got time. Stay and pack.”

As much as she didn’t want to, Lila relented, “Well I will do whatever you say.”

“We'll get plenty of word when the VC attack.” Zen tried to reassure her as he kissed her forehead, “I want you in that bed waiting when I get back.” He pointed to the bed behind her, before kissing her once again, this time on her lips, before leaving.

Things quickly went from bad to worse outside the embassy once Zen got there.

“Sorry, sergeant, we must accelerate. State department says we evacuate. The word is, we must be out by dawn.” Jaehee told him when the gates closed on the embassy.

Zen wasn’t expecting this. He was told they had time! “But my girl is out there!”

Jihyun put his hand on Zen’s chest to hold him back from running to the gate, “Sorry, sergeant, it's straight from Washington. No one leaves the grounds now, not anyone. As fast as we load the planes, we're gone.”

“Okay! Keep quiet! don't shout!” Saeyoung tried to silence the crowd as they let through the few refugees that they could. He knew they could take more, but they were running out of time and the people were panicking. “The Ambassador won't leave till everyone's out. The choppers're on their way, there's room for you all!”

“They're climbing over the wall!” Across from him Yoosung shouted, “Get back! Get back! I tell you, don't shout. The Ambassador won't leave till everyone's out.”

An order suddenly came from over the crowd, “The Ambassador just sent an order to freeze!”

“That's it! No more Vietnamese!” Saeran shouted, closing the final gate, “Get in!”

Lila tried her best to push through the crowd that had amassed outside the embassy. She couldn't stand to wait alone, and left for the embassy not long after Zen. It was then that she got the news that they were evacuating. She knew Zen wouldn’t have time to come back for her.

“I'm the wife of a soldier, please let me through!” She shouted over the crowd, hoping anyone might be able to help her. “Help me, who must I pay? Tell me what I must do!” She began to plead to nothing as she tried to shove through the panicking crowd.

“Let me out!” Zen demanded as he tried to get out of the embassy building, “I have got to go back to my bride!”

“Dammit sergeant not now!” Jumin shouted, too preoccupied with loading the choppers instead of turning to punch Zen. As much as he wanted to.

“Listen, someone! My husband is waiting inside!” Lila cried out again. She was being pushed and shoved around now as she fell into the crowd. She wasn’t sure which way was out and which way way the embassy but she figured she might be getting closer to the gate.

Zen had made his way to a phone, and was calling Lila. Hoping he could explain the situation, and maybe say goodbye. Even though he swore to himself he would be back for her soon if he couldn’t get to her today. “Please Lila. Hear the phone. I can't get there. Please be home.” He pleaded aloud as the phone continued to ring, with no one picking up.

With one final shove, Lila found herself pushed out to the side of the crowd, the gate still far to the other side of the crowd. “Please Zen. No one sees. I am lost here. Find me please.” He had always managed to appear just in time to save her in the past. He was her knight. Lila didn’t know what she would do without him.

Zen hit the wall as he called again, “Please, get me through, I don't care how. Don't take my love away, not now.”

Trying for the gate again, Lila was stuck once again, “Oh, Zen. I can't get free. Still I'm with you. Wait for me.”

Slamming the phone down after another failed attempt, Zen finally managed to make his way outside the building. He saw the crowd and began to look through it. If she wasn’t home, maybe she was here. He desperately tried to spot her, even though the back of his mind was telling him that she wasn’t here, “Oh Lila. Please get free. I am with you. Wait for me.”

Jaehee came up behind him, grabbing his arm as she tugged him back towards the building, “Sorry sergeant, inside the Embassy! We are pulling out now and there will be no more reprieves.”

“I got till the old man leaves!” Zen snapped at her, ripping his arm from her grip.

“Zen, don't be an ass.” Jumin finally spoke directly to Zen, his strength much more than Jaehee’s as he pulled him towards the helicopters, “The Ambassador is leaving now!” He shouted and the crowd heard.

The citizens trying to claw through the gate wailed out as they began to bargain with the soldiers to help them escape.

“Take me with you!”

“Take my children!”

“I have a letter, here!”

“I helped the CIA!”

“They’ll kill who they find here! Don't leave us behind here!”

“I've a wife who left already!”

“I have an aunt in New York!”

“I have gold, I can pay!”

“There is no one to find here! They have left us behind here!”

Lila’s pleads were lost among the crowds desperation, “I must get in there, listen, anyone!” She pulled out Zen’s gun, in hope to convince them that her story was true, “Please tell my husband... look! I have his gun!”

The man beside Lila shoved her roughly to get past her, “Out of my way, if that's all that you've got!”

“If I am here when they come, I'll be shot!” Another shouted over the chaos.

Zen was struggling against Jumin’s grip, “Let me go, Jumin, I can't leave her! Why in the world should I be saved instead of her?”

Behind them, the crowd continued to cry in desperation, “They'll kill who they find here! Don't leave us behind here!”

Jumin resisted the urge to hit him again, “It's not you, it's the war that's cruel. And if some dreams get smashed, perhaps it's best they were.” Zen’s struggles began to fail, as well as his ability to stand.

“There is no one to find here! They have left us behind here!”

Grabbing Zen to face him directly, Jumin continued to ignore the crowd, “Wake up, my friend, your mercy trip has failed. There's nothing you can do, that ship has sailed. She's not the only one we'll have betrayed.” Taking advantage of his weak state, Jumin dragged Zen up to the roof of the embassy, where the last of the helicopters were leaving.

“Get to the roof, or else we are betrayed!” Someone in the crowd called, noticing the few helicopters that remained.

Lila however, had lost hope, seeing the last of the helicopters take off, “Oh, Zen. I still believe. The heart of you is here with me. My heart, against all odds holds still.”

Zen watched as the ground became further away, Jumin holding him in place, as the helicopter took off. Flying over the city, Zen could see the attack had begun on the city. People were screaming and crying as the city fell.

#Zen #Jumin Han #OC #Mystic Messenger #Mystic messenger fanfic #fanfiction #kim's nightmare #miss saigon #I haven't actually seen the musical #I just love the song #look at all my pretties singing #it's so much better when you imagine them singing

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lady-nevermore · 7 years

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Third Session

June 5, 2017

Yesterday I:

5AM - Went to Church with my mom (been finding it really relaxing and peaceful actually).

8 AM - Accompanied and Went with my folks on running their errands.

12/ Noon - Went to the Flea Market (haven’t been in lke forever, saw a bunch of cool stuff like always) and at the behest of my parents, whom also decided to give this a go, got a message......I actually feel like it loosened me up a bit....feel a lot more: sensitive/tender around my shoulder area/neck...at least i don’t feel those damn kinks anymore....but idunno if i like feeling this tender/sensitive/vulnerable around there. >_>;

1-5 PM - Went the Grocery Store and spent the last remaining hours looking for that dratted, evasive gift-bag (more details below in a sec). >_<;

6-7 PM Ate Dinner, and Took a shower.

8-9 PM - Went to bed, and actually slept well.

Today I:

- 6:45 AM: Went with my mom, for the third/fourth time this week, walking around our local Half Library/Half Duck Pond (powered-walked for an hour and saw a bunch of the local wildlife: Squirrels, ducks, geese, robin-birds, crows, etc). It’s always very nice and soothing to see, not to mention it makes me smile. :)

- 7:00-11:00 AM: Did some housework, laundry, made and prepared dinner for tonight as well as for the following days, and tried to fix my TV (sorta worked....still pending....we’ll see).

12/Noon Ate Lunch (made myself a small Tuna Salad with cucumbers, and spinach, with a side of baby carrots, a couple of pieces of store-bought Sushi, and a granola bar); it was really nice actually. :)

1-4 PM Tried to take my mind off my nerves/anxiety a bit, managed to listen to music, and read a bit before mentally preparing myself for My Therapy appointment at 5 PM.

6-7 PM: Ate a healthy dinner and afterwards have been writing this therapy blog up till now......Looking at the clock: it’s 9PM *sigh* -___-;

9 PM - Gonna get off tumblr, take a shower and head to bed (whilst reading a fanfic); G’night y’all *yawn*

So yeah, Today and Yesterday have been semi-stressful (a little bit hectic) to say the least; Y’all remember my ‘Aunt C aka The Poor Excuse of an Aunt who emotionally traumatized/abused me when I was 5, well her daughter let’s call her “Jay” has a Graduation this upcoming Friday....Ironically enough, Jay is graduating from my old alma-mater/my old high school: AHS High.....I’m not that close to Jay for obvious reasons (I’ve sorta sub consciously stayed away/distanced myself away from them in order to avoid Aunt C.....but then again I rarely like to spend time with or at family reunions, nowadays anyways). >_>;

But that’s beside the point; I’m proud of my younger cousin, proud and happy for her: she’s an AP student, got a full scholarship to UC Davis (aka the College I’ve always dreamed of going as well as the same old alma-mater of my Old Mentor/Friend who passed away but meant a great great deal to me to the point where he left his mark/imparted his memory onto me), and who is so amazingly ambitious that my dear cousin jay dreams of becoming a Doctor. This is why I’m soo damn proud of her (tho a selfishly part of me does feel a twinge of jealousy/envy....but my happiness/pride of her is far greater), She’s probably going to be one of the few in our family who might actually achieve graduating from a legit University, and effing applaud her for that. I mean I know that we may not be close (nor do I know If I would ever want to be, considering her connection to my abuser aka my Aunt C/her mother)....But despite that, it is in my nature to try to look past that and kindly offer a gesture of happiness in congratulating her, cause I am honestly quite proud of her. :)

....Which is why I decided to impart to her what my old mentor/friend imparted onto me when I graduated from AHS High: A nice couple of (and by couple I mean 2) boxes of Tea, specifically Vanilla Chai Tea and Earl Grey ; My Mentor, let’s call him Obi-Wan (cause he was a huge die-hard fan of Star Wars), well Obi-Wan always said that Tea helped him to relax, and I wholly agree with him in this statement, it’s been around 9 years since he introduced me to the Wonders and Joy that is Tea (and 8 years since he passed away from Colon Cancer), but it’s something that I feel will always connect me to him, and in turn is my own personal means of honoring his memory.

So, I hope that my little gift/gesture to Jay (isn’t too cheap/offensive in her eyes or my Aunt C’s in that matter) and that it will help her to relax throughout her fun, but what I’m sure will be quite the stressful venture that is College/University (I dropped out, something I’m ashamed of, so I can’t talk or say much on the matter, but I do hope it’ll help Jay in the long run). I say this in all seriousness, because I ended up having a nervous-breakdown by taking waaaaay too many college-courses/classes (around 5-6 tops) what with my mentor/friend passing away, plus me struggling depression, pushing my friends outta of my life/cutting them off, as well as struggling with said classes and me being sleep-deprived on top of that didn’t help....it was just too damn much and now here I am now (struggling with anxiety and going to therapy....though my issues have been long since precedent and something that I’ve been dealing far longer) but the point is Jay is a High ranking AP student and off to a legit High Ranking University......that can’t be easy on her poor shoulders the bear, which is why I worry and hope she doesn’t repeat my mistakes........hence a few kind, meaningful, soothing words of wisdom on the graduation card I got for her, as well as the heartwarming gesture of Tea. But yeah, I hope it at the very least make her smile (and think oh, how appropriate, Tea: a nerdy gift from my dorky cousin Lady Nevermore). lol x)

So I told my Therapist that I woke up today feeling melancholic for no apparent reason (or so I thought); But my therapist thinks that I might me projecting my stress/anxiety from Yesterday (when I was trying to find/prepare the perfect gift for me to give Jay for her Graduation) onto today; She’s not wrong ....I was sorta freaking out, yesterday, that we were never going to find the perfect gift-bag for the occasion (not to mention that my indecisiveness/pickiness didn't help)...most of the gift-bags were either too tacky or not appropriate (birthday gift bags for example)....but in the end I got lucky and found the perfect one, yay! :D

So yeah, I talked to my therapist about my anxiety/fear that Jay ro my Aunt C will find my gift cheap/offensive and or worse, she’ll want to start to get close to me (and considering her connection to my abuser, having my Aunt Cas her mother)......yeah that’s not something I’m at all entirely comfortable with, like at all. :/

We talked a little bit about my Mentor/Old Friend, Obi-Wan and how his passing/death affected me aka via anxiety-terror filled nightmares, etc (but I don’t really wanna get into that atm, maybe later or some other time). We discussed how my therapist is glad that I’m continuing to go outside (going to church, walking around the library-duck pond area, and going to stores or to the grocery store with my folks; it’s been three weeks more or less of this now without me feeling too overwhelmed)

2nd Piece of Homework: Note to Self: Notice and become Aware of what triggers my depression or anxiety during stressful/anxiety-filled situation and write it down (this way we can start identifying what triggers my anxiety/depression and what me and my therapist can start to work on).

****Pretty sure I forgot a lot of other stuff, and I will probably try to add more to this later or post another one of these the following weeks, but for now this’ll have to do.

Just got back from therapy (around 6 pm-ish and it took me a while to eat dinner, not to mention get on tumblr and organize my thoughts in order to write this blog) and I’m Feeling sorta tired/drained/low-key sorta cranky and i really really really just wanna go shower and go to bed right now (and recharge); sucks cause I really wanted to start pick up where the anime in Bleach left off, and start reading the manga (Bleach) and / or watch one of the bleach movies....or another Ghibli film.....or hell, at the very least cruise on tumblr (reblogging, chatting, etc) for a bit. *sigh* Ah well, maybe tomorrow. -____-;

Welp, Later, and Good Night my dears! *hugs* :)

- Lady Nevermore

#therapy blog #therapy #Third Session #anxiety #melancholy #meh #personal

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alwaysanotherooc · 7 years

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The Parker Siblings

Ok, so this post is all about my headcanons for the siblings in the Rules of Engagement books from Pixelberry’s Choices App. I took some liberties with their backstories, and just to be clear, I am fully aware that most of these may conflict with or directly clash with in-game canon. This is just some fun headcanon stuff.

-Asher Washington Parker, Lawyer, 29 -Alma Whitney Parker, Preschool Teacher, 27 -Ada Willow Parker, Data Engineer, 21 -Ava Wilma Parker, Financial Planner, 21

In order, that’s the big bro, the MC, the smart twin, then the party twin. I named the cousin = Nixa and the aunt = Tina. Business Man = Michael Sloan, Prince = Leo, the Bartender = Dean, and the ex = Kurt. Ok. Here we go.

Brief Family History =============== The Parkers ———– -The Parker siblings were born to Lower Middle-Class parents Richard and Autumn Parker, who owned a hardware store in small town Charlton, Georgia, USA. Their mother was first generation Philippine immigrant born in America, their father was a sweet honest country boy. Their Mom and Dad died in an untimely car crash when Asher was 12, Alma was 10, and the twins were 4. Their Grandmother on their mother’s side, Mary, took them in and raised them, much to the irritation of their Aunt Tina. Aunt Tina and her brother-in-law Richard did NOT get along and actively hated one another. -The Parker siblings are all very bright individuals, with IMMENSELY different approaches to solving problems. -Asher solves problems by repeatedly trying different solutions until one works, the diligent Gryffindor approach. -Alma solves problems by working with others toward a solution, the brainstorming Hufflepuff approach. -Ada solves problems by systematically dismantling WHY it is a problem until a solution presents itself, the Ravenclaw research approach. -Ava solves problems by finding the solution that best fits her needs and desires, and does whatever it takes to make it happen, the shrewd Slytherin approach. -The four siblings grew up in their Grandmother’s house in small, coastal town Wichita, Oregon, fairly poor but happy as clams. Asher and Alma got jobs as soon as they were able, to help ease pressure off of their Grandmother’s bills. Ada discovered her knack for science and technology and built a crude but effective holographic projector before her thirteenth birthday. Ava kept the family carefree, kept them laughing, no matter how rainy the outside world got, it always felt like summer around her. -Asher managed to snag a sought after scholarship to Stanford and graduated in the top five of his class, two years early. He went to work immediately, and after two years, opened his own law practice with Elena Sanchez, where they bring law representation to people of low income, and a great deal of the work Asher takes on is Pro Bono. After three years of low-income business, the charity has started taking its toll. Not only on Asher’s mental and physical health but also on the company bank accounts. -Alma went to school at Hartford University, studied Education, and worked for five full years to become a Preschool Teacher, joining her brother in Boston. Alma met Kurt Taylor at her local coffee shop, and after a few months of mild flirting, began a relationship. Nearly three years later, directly after her beloved Grandmother’s death, Alma discovered that her boyfriend Kurt was cheating on her, in their shared apartment. Alma immediately broke up with Kurt and fled to live with her brother in his apartment. With the unveiling of her Grandmother’s will, Alma has been forced to pursue another romance, uncertain if it’s something she really wants. -Ada received scholarships upon scholarships, and also attended Hartford, earning accolades and awards for her brilliant work in Science&Technology. Ada graduated Suma Cum Laude of her class and won one of two spots for a highly coveted internship at the company Mansingh Global, something she has been working for, for almost a decade. However, her family has constantly had to remind Ada that life isn’t about accomplishments, it’s about living, and Ada sometimes wonders if she’s actually missing out on something. With the revelation of her task in her Grandmothers will, Ada is caught between fury at being distracted from her internship application and a mixture of fear and excitement at experiencing something new. -Ava attended Hartford at the same time as her twin, but took a slightly different path and joined a sorority soon after. Unbeknownst to her siblings or her Grandmother, Ava worked two jobs while attending college, putting all of it into putting herself through school, as their Grandmother’s medical bills kept rising. Ava worked extremely hard but partied even harder, and after an incident with accidental drug intake her Freshman year gained a reputation on campus as a party girl and an attention seeker. Ava did nothing to change her reputation, as she was content with how things were. After graduating in the top 50 of 500 in her class with a degree in Finance, Ava was looking forward to a summer of pleasure and relaxation with her family on board the Star of the Sea cruise ship. With the passing of her Grandmother and the release of the will, that vision of carefree days was put to rest. -Aunt Tina, who despises her nephew and nieces, raised her own daughter Nixa with a diamond grip, pretty but unbreakable. Aunt Tina raised Nixa to be beautiful and to win. No exceptions. When Nixa was younger she would watch her Grandmother play with her cousins and wonder why her mother never played with her. Now that she is older and the manager of a private bank, Nixa scoffs at the idea of love, though deep within her she wants to reach out and accept the olive branches that Alma is always handing out to her. Now that the discovery of such a large sum of money has come forth, Aunt Tina is on her best behavior, more elegant and manipulative than ever, seeking a way to keep the money from her nephew, her nieces, and even her own daughter.

#The Parker Siblings #Rules of Engagement #Pixelberry #Choices #Headcanons #choices: stories you play #choices: rules of engagement

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canaryatlaw · 6 years

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okay. so today was pretty cool. I think I woke up around 11 again, my mom once again asking if I wanted an egg sandwich, and saying they were going to go to Marshalls and possibly Belk and asking if I wanted to go. So I said sure, got up and started getting dressed. egg sandwich was ready by the time I got to the kitchen, I don’t really ever eat eggs that have just been like fried so this is a bit of a change for me but as long as there’s toast I’m good lol I just won’t cook them on my own like that (I never did scrambled when I was younger, but if I want eggs now I’ll generally either do scrambled or pull out my trustworthy egg cooker and do them hardboiled). But it was good, so I ate it and then people kinda did whatever for a while before I got into the car with my parents and my aunt and went to Marshalls. I looked at the shoes with them for a bit before wandering over to the juniors section. It occurs to me that at some point I should probably stop relying on juniors and wear like, actual women’s clothes being that I am like, an adult woman at this point, and like I do use the women’s section for things like business clothes because there are obviously aren’t many options for that in juniors, but for casual clothing for the most part I’m gonna be in juniors. so I went through the clearance section for a while and picked up a few things, like 3 pairs of casual pants (including these cute lavender ones with elephants on them that I was like okay I need this and then a romper and what I guess was considered a dress, though it kinda looked like a romper without the shorts part but with the tie around the waist that rompers sometimes have. but I knew I needed to try them on, so I did so and ended up with just the first two pairs of casual pants that I liked. It’s just nice to have comfy shit I can change into at the end of the day when I want to get out of my business or whatever clothes. I then went back through the front section with the shirts and stuff because I generally don’t need to try those on to tell if they fit, and I picked up a sweater that was super soft and on sale for cheap and a pink shirt that I liked the color of and some of the detailing. I went to check out with my stuff because it would just be easier than waiting for the rest of everybody to get their stuff together, and in their little queue section where they have a bunch of products they had like, three different types of wonder woman mugs and I was like okay I need one of these because I don’t really own very many mugs anyway, so I grabbed one and went to check out. my aunt came up a minute later and was like “do you want one of these wonder woman mugs?” holding up the two other ones and I was just like 😂 I got one but I appreciate it! lol. everything came to like $49 which is the nice part about shopping at Marshalls because just about everything is cheap. So I waited for a few more minutes for everyone else to check out then headed back to the car. we were in the same general shopping area as the grocery store where my girl cousin was currently on her shift working at, apparently she’s a “personal shopper” which isn’t quite as cool as it sounds lol but basically people put in to go orders online or something and she goes around the store getting all the stuff and then brings it to them when they come to pick it up. The adults decided they wanted Starbucks which there is one of them in that grocery store so we decided to go in there and bug my cousin and get coffee lol, my aunt is a bit coffee-obsessed, but I mean it usually works out to my advantage as far as getting stuff so it doesn’t bother me lol. So we went to the Starbucks and also tracked down my cousin, my dad got a straight up “coffee” because he’s boring, I got a pink drink because I’m super basic, my aunt got some sort of iced coffee drink, and my mom got an iced green tea latte made with coconut milk since she doesn’t do dairy. I gave her some of my pink drink too since it’s made with coconut milk as well, so I was explaining to her what it was exactly and how it came to be lol, and it’s a good option because it has a solid amount less calories than most of the other non-coffee options like their steamers (which is basically just steamed milk and syrup of choice) or fraps which of course have a ton of calories lol. My dad then of course struck up a conversation with the one barista that was working because he’s convinced he has knowledge to impart on every college student lol but she actually engaged with him pretty well and they had a nice conversation while my aunt ran around grabbing a few things, most seltzer and a watermelon, which we then went to check out and told my cousin we’d see her at home in a bit. We went home from there (or to my aunt’s home I should say) and just kinda chilled for a bit, the plan was to go out for like an early dinner because my uncle and boy cousin play on the same hockey team (which is adorable, I know) and they had a game tonight. So we waited for everyone to arrive at the house then headed out. There was 8 of us (my parents, my sister and me, and then my aunt, uncle, and two cousins) so we took two cars, split into “adults” and “kids” (me being considered a kid even though I’m objectively an adult because I’m still obviously someone’s kid here) and drove to the little downtown area they have to this restaurant that we had eaten at last time we were here. It was a little brewery/pub style place with pretty good food. We had to break up again into two tables but we were pretty close to each other anyway. We ordered a few appetizers which I probably ate too much of because I could only finish like half of my sandwich (I got a reuben, which I haven’t had since like, college, except I don’t really like rye bread so I just got it on a roll instead) so I ended up taking that home with me. Afterwards we walked around a bit, the area is right on the bank of the river that the town is next to, so we walked and checked out a few shops, including one I got a sticker and a few magnets from last year that has some fun stuff in it. Then we walked down by the river for a bit before heading back to the house. We basically settled in for the night from there, my uncle and boy cousin left for their game and we tried to find something to agree on to watch lol, we ended up watching a few episodes of parks and rec which is always a good choice, before deciding on a netflix movie called “Like Father” that had Kristen Bell in it and was basically about this woman who gets left at the altar on her wedding day and then sees her dad there after not seeing him for like 20 years or something, and they end up getting drunk and then ending up on the cruise that was planned for their honeymoon together, and adventure ensues from there. It was actually a pretty solid movie, good humor and general heartwarming story, so that’s nice. We had a lot of good movie choices on this trip, lol. We leave Tuesday so tomorrow is our last full day here. After the movie finished we went back to Parks and Rec for a few episodes before people generally started heading off to bed and eventually I did too, showered and now I’m here writing this. Not sure what the plans are for tomorrow, someone brought up the beach again but they didn’t want to get stuck like they did yesterday with only being able to go to the beach for a short period of time before it rains and they had to leave, because apparently it’s supposed to rain in the afternoon tomorrow (it’s legit been raining every day in some form or another, according to the local newspaper it’s been every day for like 16 days now or something crazy like that). So we’ll see what happens. It’s been a pretty fun trip, probably more enjoyable because it’s just my parents and my sister, my brothers staying home. We took a picture down at the river with the four of us and I was like “ah yes, my four person family” which is just kinda nice sometimes. Apparently it was National Sisters Day, so I took a cute picture with my sister tonight and posted it on various social media outlets (I’ll post it on here when I’m done with this post). I just love her so much, even if she’s kind of a brat sometimes, she’s 16, being a teenager isn’t easy, I know she’s just figuring a lot of stuff out and dealing with a lot, so I can’t really blame her for acting like a teenager. Plus she’s my baby girl and I love her more than anything, so you know. but yeah that’s about it, it’s only like 12:30 am now so that’s better than I’ve been doing the last few nights, we may end up getting up somewhat earlier tomorrow if we’re gonna go to the beach because the rain is apparently happening in the afternoon (I know I said that already but felt like it was important to mention again for context) and we’d want to get some more time at the beach before it rains, so we’ll see how that plays out. Signing off until then. Goodnight loves. Have a good one.

#daily journal #August 2018

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