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#//even if that attention is a interval between rounds of abuse
jabbage · 1 year
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the-judge-of-bones · 3 years
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deceptively gentle hands hold the poor little shadow's tattered cheekbones, "see you (dusted) soon!" - with LOVE, a human.
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the shadow does not flinch as hands hold it's cheekbones ever so gentle, as if it should shatter any moment, tears drip over those hands and though the words should hurt, it instead leans into the touch, reflexively craving the touch. Eager to obey. To follow the lead, the shadow has no desire to flee, It just wants LOVE. the love did not have to be good. it was comfortable and familiar. There was the softest nod, it understood, it would wait in it's place.
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jaskierswolf · 4 years
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The Howling of Wolves pt.1/3
Summary: After wintering with the witchers at Kaer Morhen, Geralt and Jaskier are back on the road. Only it appears someone has taken notice of Geralt's strange string of companions. Jaskier finds himself in trouble and it's up to the wolf pack to save him before it's too late.
TW for the whole story: Angst with happy ending, kidnapping, mentioned previous child abuse, mentioned torture (but off page), Major character injury and recovery, canon typical violence
Previous Stories - Shifter!Jask AU
Jaskier was bored. Geralt had gone out to hunt a werewolf and Jaskier hadn’t really felt like joining him. He found hunts for werewolves a little too close to home but he understood why Geralt was asked to hunt them. Werewolves were very rarely in control of themselves when they turned. They became overwhelmed with bloodlust and rage when they got too close to humans.
Still.
Jaskier couldn’t help but feel sorry for those he viewed as a sort of cousin. Geralt tried his best to cure the werewolves of their lycanthropy when they wanted it, and he would avoid killing them at all costs. Jaskier had been thrilled to learn this had been the case even before Geralt had met Jaskier.
Jaskier smiled soppily at the thought of his friend and lover as he adjusted the peg on his lute. One of the strings had snapped the night before whilst he’d been playing and left him with a rather nasty slice to his palm. Luckily he healed faster than your average human so the wound hadn’t bothered him all that much but changing his lute strings was always a fiddly inconvenience.
He sighed as he plucked the string, testing it against the others until he was satisfied that it was all tuned correctly. He strummed the strings one last time to check the intervals between the notes. The chord rang out in the small tavern room that he shared with Geralt. He smiled and then dampened the sound with the palm of his hand and put his lute away.
The good people of this settlement only knew Jaskier as the bard that travelled with Geralt. They hadn’t yet met Mister Fuzzball or Dandelion the dog so Jaskier had played a set before and after his dinner and then retired to his room after the string had snapped. He had hoped that Geralt would have returned at some point during the night but he’d woken up just as alone as he had the night before.
“Stupid witcher.” He grumbled to himself. “Should have left with Lambert or Eskel. Serves him right for taking too long.”
He sighed.
That wasn’t fair. He knew it wasn’t but it was easier to be grumpy at Geralt than to consider the fact that his partner had been injured whilst he wasn’t there to help.
That and he was lonely.
After a whole three months of being hauled up at Kaer Morhen with a whole pack of witchers and not a moment alone, he was finding the silence disturbing, and he missed the others.
At least he still had Geralt. The silver-haired witcher and love of his life didn’t appear to be getting sick of him yet which was, in itself, nothing short of a miracle. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d anyone who’d stuck around for so long. Apart from maybe his nurse as a child, but then his parents had been paying Lila so did she really count?
He frowned.
Of course she counted. She’d been his only friend in that godforsaken castle. He was just being sad and dramatic.
“Right. Breakfast.” He muttered and ran a hand through his hair. “Come on, Jask. Stop moping about.”
And maybe Geralt would be waiting for him downstairs.
That thought put a smile on his face so he pulled on his shimmering turquoise doublet and made a half-hearted attempted to do it up before heading downstairs. He took the steps two at a time, not caring that he was only setting himself up for disappointment. He had hope and he was clinging onto it like a dog with a bone, and he would know about that.
He’d never quite understood the bone cravings he had when he was a dog but like most things about his animal forms, he didn’t really question it.
He stopped, frozen solid, when he reached the bottom step and his eyes spotted a familiar figure in the corner.
Geralt.
With a coppery coloured ferret sat on the table in front of him. 
Jaskier gaped at the sight. That imposter didn’t even look anything like him!! Geralt was seemingly talking to the ferret and was so focussed on the creature that he didn’t notice Jaskier sneaking around the outside of the room until he could hear what his witcher was saying.
“Would you stop biting me?” Geralt rolled his eyes and poked the ferret on his head between the ears.
Jaskier. Was. Offended!
Yes the slithering bastard had blue eyes which was strange in normal ferrets but that didn’t look anything like his ferret form!
He snorted and crossed his arms.
The sound finally drew the attention of Geralt who stared at him with a furrowed brow and then looked back at the ferret on the table.
“You’re not Jaskier.” He said rather bluntly to the ferret. It chattered and bit Geralt’s hand, enough to draw blood.
“Shit.” Geralt cursed and pulled his hand away sharply before picking the creature up by the scruff of its neck and dumping it on the floor.
Jaskier tilted his head at his partner and smirked. “Hello Geralt.”
Geralt swore again and pressed his palm to his forehead. “Jaskier.”
Jaskier licked his lips and flicked his fringe from his eyes. At least Geralt had the decency to look ashamed of his mistake. “Making friends are we?” He let out a peal of laughter as the absurdity of the situation of the situation hit him.
“Shut up.” Geralt grumbled and stared unrelentingly at his drink.
Jaskier grinned and slid down onto the bench next to Geralt. He leant against the witcher and pulled the drink away from him.
“Get your own.” Geralt tried to pull it back and ale slopped over the edge of the tankard.
“Oi!” Jaskier shook his hands, droplets flying onto the table, then he grinned and smeared the ale down Geralt’s face.
“Jaskier!” Geralt growled.
Jaskier pouted and kissed Geralt’s cheek. “Yes, dearest?”
“Fuck off.”
Jaskier rolled his eyes. “Fuck off.” He mimicked his partner’s gruff voice and then patted the witcher on the shoulder. “You, sir, are just grumpy because I caught you talking to a ferret, which, I might add, looked nothing like me.”
“He was brown and had blue eyes. It looked exactly like you.” Geralt snapped.
Jaskier smirked and cupped his witcher’s face. “I’m sorry for laughing, love, but you have to admit it is amusing.”
Geralt’s frown softened and his leant into Jaskier’s touch. “Just don’t tell Lambert.” He mumbled.
Jaskier pressed his lips to Geralt’s forehead and grinned. “No promises!” He jumped and ran from the tavern before Geralt could catch him.
“Jaskier!” He heard Geralt’s shout from behind him.
He laughed gaily as he ran from the witcher. He wasn’t in any serious danger from Geralt, that would be ridiculous but Geralt was not above wrestling him to the ground and tickling him.
And he was fucking ticklish.
Of course, if he’d stayed put in then Geralt probably wouldn’t have acted. Around other people he still acted like the stoic witcher that everyone else seemed to think he was. Jaskier scoffed. Perhaps it was because of his animal side but Geralt had always been more than that to Jaskier. He’d been so desperate for the soft affection from the cat he’d met on the fence and allowed Jaskier to travel with him for weeks as a variety of animals. Geralt had been aching for companionship.
How anyone could think he was an unfeeling monster was beyond Jaskier, then again people would think he was a monster too if they knew what he really was.
There was a sharp pain in his neck and Jaskier reached up with his hand. HIs finger tips brushed against a feather. He pulled at the dart and peered at it carefully.
“Fuck.” He grumbled and tried to shift but he couldn’t. His magic was trapped. “Oh no, no no no.” He closed his eyes and tried harder but it was useless. He was useless and his muscles were getting heavier. “Geralt!” He called but his voice was weak already.
He stumbled and fell against a tree. It would be ok. Geralt would chase him, he always did. Even if Jaskier fell unconscious then he wouldn’t be taken. Geralt would make sure of it.
“Geralt…” He mumbled as his vision started to darken around the edges. He hugged the tree as he knees buckled. Whatever was in the dart was acting quickly, the effect it had on his magic was troubling. Whoever was attacking him knew.
“Bollocks.” He slurred as he fell to the ground.
_________
Geralt snarled at the human in front of him. No sooner had Jaskier taken off than Geralt had been cornered by a snivelling scholar who was begging him to take a contract. Geralt had tried to decline politely, or at very least postpone until he could get Jaskier back. He knew the shifter would be wondering where he was, he always followed Jaskier when he ran off like this. It was a sort of game, Jaskier liked to lure Geralt into the light especially when he was being moody and Geralt had a habit of forgetting how to enjoy himself.
He was getting better at that with Jaskier’s help.
“Please, witcher.” The man grabbed onto his hand.
Geralt pulled away with more force than necessary. “I said no. Now excuse me, I have to find my bard.”
To Geralt’s surprise the man laughed. “Oh you won’t find him.”
Geralt spun round and glared at the man who was no longer a snivelling mess. He’d straighten up and was now smiling a sinister grin that made Geralt’s blood run cold.
“What the fuck?” He looked back at the door. “Fuck! Jaskier!” He ignored the man in favour for charging after his partner, but sure enough Jaskier was nowhere to be seen.
Geralt focused his senses to search for Jaskier’s footsteps running away from the tavern. Geralt pulled his sword from its scabbard and followed the light-footed prints in the dirt until something else drew his attention. There was a bright blue and green feather on the floor by the edge of the trees and he caught a whiff of Jaskier’s chamomile scent pressed against the bark. He sniffed again to be sure. He could almost see Jaskier’s form pressed up against the tree, on the floor were scuff marks around the feather. Something, or someone, had been dragged. The feather had almost been buried in the dirt.
Geralt reached down to pick it up, the tip was glistening and had been coated in some kind of poison.
“Fuck.” Geralt said again. “Why didn’t you fight back?” Geralt asked Jaskier as if he were still here. “Unless the poison stopped you from shifting…” He considered, “but no one else knows.”
“That’s where you’re wrong witcher.” The man from before laughed and Geralt saw red.
He had the man pressed against the tree and his sword to his throat before the man could even blink. “What have you done with him?” Geralt growled. “I swear to all the gods, if you’ve hurt him.”
“Not I.”
Geralt pushed the blade harder against the man’s neck until a bead of blood oozed under the edge of his sword. “I would be very careful about your next words.”
“Your bard got careless, witcher.” The man mumbled. He didn’t even smell of fear which was not a good sign.
Geralt stayed silent and narrowed his eyes at the man.
“We’ve been trying to find him for years but there wasn’t a trace. Changing his name was clever, but recently there’s been reports of a witcher that sometimes travels with a cat, sometimes with a dog that can turn into a wolf, mutant witcher dogs?” The man scoffed. “Does anyone actually buy that shit?”
“Don’t change the subject.” Geralt growled.
“And sometimes you travel with a bard.” The man finished with a serene smile. “Young Julian always did love poetry and music.”
Geralt scowled. “Julian?”
The man laughed. “He never told you his true name? Oh and I thought he cared.”
Geralt snapped. His blade slashed and blood splattered and the man crumpled to the ground.
“Fuck!” 
_____
Next
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aquadrazi · 3 years
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Find Someone to Carry You
Chapter 38
………The Conversation Room………
********Last chance to go pet some bunnies instead***************
It took what seemed like forever for Lan Zhan to get to 1,825 strokes.  He had to wait for Xue Yang to stop screaming after each stroke to choke out a number.  He needed to take a break, and dinner had been brought in at some point, so he walked back over to the instrument wall.  He picked out the wooden pyramid block.  He set it on the floor, in front of the post that Xue Yang was initially tied to.
“Put him on it.”  He said to the guards.  They quickly went to untying Xue Yang and dragging his now limp body off the table.  They pried his battered ass cheeks apart and slid him down onto the pyramid.  Xue Yang cried out as it stabbed up into him, stretching him wider the further he slid down.  The guards quickly tied him to the post so he couldn’t stand back up again.
“Don’t go down too far, or you’ll start ripping your tender hole apart.”  Nie Huaisang warned from the table.  Already they could see trickles of blood running down the wooden pyramid.  They left him like that as the finished their meal, and through tea afterwards.
“Back up on the table, like before.”  Lan Zhan ordered.  The guards yanked Xue Yang off of the pyramid, causing him to scream.  As they were positioning him on the table, Lan Zhan went back to the instrument wall.  This time he picked out a box of needles, and a paddle.
He walked back over to Xue Yang and took a minute to look at his previous work.  While the skin was definitely abused, he had managed to avoid breaking it, there were just angry welts forming along his ass, thighs, and balls.  The only blood he saw was leaking from his hole, which was due to his own lack of ability to hold himself up.
Lan Zhan opened the box of needles and selected one.  Without warning, he slowly pressed one into one of the abused balls, down about halfway.  Xue Yank shrieked and bucked and shook.  Lan Zhan let him go through all of the experience, and come to some sort of new calm, before inserting another needle.  By the time he got to the fourth needle, Xue Yang was finally begging him for mercy.
“Did you show Wei Ying or Mo Xuanyu any mercy?”  Lan Zhan asked without emotion, then he inserted another needle.
Lan Zhan continued until all 30 of the needles that were in the box were inserted into Xue Yang’s balls.  Lan Zhan remembered people telling stories about how Wei Ying was tortured with needles under his fingernails.  How his abusers would flick them to get him to scream for them.  He ran a finger gently over the needles sticking out of Xue Yang’s balls.  The shrieking was so loud that Nie Huaisang had gone over and gotten a gag that was a large ball shape, and shoved it in Xue Yang’s mouth to block some of the noise.
Lan Zhan was fascinated by the needles.  He would flick random ones, at random intervals, or drag his finger along them, drawing out characters.  He wrote Wei Ying’s name over and over, as if he was claiming those screams for his husband.
He picked up the paddle and started to lightly tap the heads of the needles at a steady rhythm, Xue Yang screaming into the gag with every tap.
How many times did he make Wei Ying beg for this torture?
To break him so he begged for unimaginable pain.
I should have made him beg me to do this to him.
Lan Zhan started to hit the needles harder, driving them further in with every stroke.  Slowly, he pounded them all the way through the balls, and they started to hit against the wood of the humbler.  That brought out an even more interesting noise from Xue Yang.
Is this what he meant by intoxicating screams?
Did he make Wei Ying make these noises?
Lan Zhan continued until Nie Huaisang, who had been paying attention to Xue Yang’s face, signaled him to stop.
“You don’t want to let him to get lost in his mind.” Nie Huaisang warned, as Lan Zhan sat back down at the table.
“Mn”
“Dump a bucket of water on him.” Nie Huaisang ordered.  Once it was done, he drew up a talisman, and Xue Yang began to shiver uncontrollably.  “Putting him on ice for a bit.”
“It isn’t that I’m not enjoying the show, but are you planning on killing him?”  Nie Huaisang asked.
“Haven’t decided how yet.”  Lan Zhan replied.
Nie Huaisang waved his hand, removing the talisman from Xue Yang.  “Looks like he’s ready to continue. Dump two buckets of boiling water on him to help warm him up.”  He ordered the guards.
The sizzling sound of the water hitting his skin was quickly drowned out by Xue Yang’s screaming.  Lan Zhan untied Xue Yang and repositioned him, threading the rope through the ring in his shoulder, and the rope attached to his other wrist through an eye hook in the ceiling.  He pulled them through until Xue Yang’s upper body was off the table, then he tied them off.  He wrapped another rope around Xue Yang’s ankles and threaded it through the same eye hook.  He pulled the rope through until the only part of Xue Yang’s body still on the table was his ass and his trapped balls.
Xue Yang let out little whimpers as he rocked back and forth on the needles in his balls.  Lan Zhan wrapped a second rope around Xue Yang’s ankles and tied both ends to the table legs, holding his feet steady.  He then used twine to tie the big toes together.
He walked back over to the instrument wall.  He picked up various canes and whips and paddles, then returned to Xue Yang.  He started with the whip he had started with earlier, the one with the straight leather strips.  He beat Xue Yang’s soles mercilessly, drunk on the cries of pain from both the whip and the force of the blows causing him to rock back and forth on his balls, agitating the needles.
Once Lan Zhan was satisfied that Xue Yang had gotten used to the pain, he stopped, and switched to the whip with the braids and knots.  It didn’t take long for Xue Yang’s cries to turn to sobs and Lan Zhan rained down brutal hits to the soles of his feet.
Lan Zhan felt himself tiring.  So he stopped and handed the first whip to a guard.  “Beat his cock.”  He ordered, as he went to go sit with Nie Huaisang again and watch.  Xue Yang wailed and screamed as the guard rained down hits to his cock, which was trapped between his legs and laying exposed on his stomach.  He writhed from side to side, trying to avoid the blows, which resulted in shrieks of pain as he was rolling on the needles in his balls.
The first guard began to tire, so Lan Zhan ordered another guard to take over, this time with the second whip.  A servant arrived with snacks, which Lan Zhan was grateful for.  Nie Huaisang motioned for the guards that were not currently administering Xue Yang’s punishment to join them for refreshments.
Once the second guard tired, Lan Zhan motioned for him to join the others at the table.  He walked over to Xue Yang and ran his hand over the abused soles, causing Xue Yang to whimper and squirm to get away.  Lan Zhan picked up a paddle.  It was curved, and had wooden blunt spikes.  He gave a sharp smack to the soles.  He was rewarded with a loud shriek from Xue Yang.  He picked up a flat paddle with his other hand, and laid it on top of Xue Yang’s cock.  He began alternating hits between the two, one to the feet, then one to the cock.
Once Lan Zhan was satisfied that Xue Yang had grown used to the abuse, he stopped and lightly ran his fingers over the souls, causing Xue Yang to squeal and buck.  He picked up a knobby cane and began to rain down hard hits against the souls.
He’d stopped hearing the screams at some point, they were still being drawn out, he just wasn’t registering them anymore.  He was focused on watching the skin indent as he hit it with the cane, the blow causing Xue Yang’s whole body to rock, absorbing the shock, and then the mark left behind turning from white to an angry red.  Over and over.
Once he was satisfied, he had the guards move Xue Yang over to the cross and tie him with his back exposed.  Lan Zhan sat back at the table and wrote out a note and handed it to the guard.  “Please bring this to the blacksmith.”  He then went over to the instrument wall and picked out the discipline whip.
“Lets see how many hits it takes to kill you.”  He said emotionless.
It took 23 strikes before Lan Zhan decided that he should stop and knit the skin back together on Xue Yang’s back.  Lan Zhan let Xue Yang rest a bit before going for another round.  This time he made it for 25 strikes.  He repeated the process until his arm started to tire.
*************Seriously gross incoming*****************
The guard returned with a large looking spit.  “Set it up over the coals.”  Lan Zhan ordered.  Once it was done, Lan Zhan got up to inspect. He nodded, “Good, now tie him to the pole.”
Xue Yang shrieked and struggled as the guards dragged him over to the spit, and tied his arms and legs to it, like they would a roast.  He didn’t stay on his back for long, because the pole wasn’t very wide, he ended up rolling over so he was staring at the glowing coals.
Lan Zhan moved back to the table and sat down.  Since there were no flames, just coals, this was going to take a while.  He watched with an impassive face as Xue Yang screamed and struggled to free himself.  As the skin of his chest began to turn red, then darken further.  He was being roasted alive.  By the time the skin of his stomach cracked open he was wailing in pain. When the fat that was underneath the skin began to melt and fall into the coals, flames flared up, scorching his cock and face, which were dangling down towards the coals.
Lan Zhan and Nie Huaisang sat and watched as Xue Yang shrieked and wailed, slowly being cooked to death.  The guards even turned away towards the end, one retching at the smell of cooking meat that was filling the room.  Once Xue Yang stopped making noise Lan Zhan got up to leave.  “When he’s completely melted off the spit, scrape him into a barrel and feed him to the pigs.”
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loudgothbf · 4 years
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Hibiki had stayed with Mashi, consistently ignoring his prompts to work on his “statement.” It seemed like it should be easy-- after all, it wasn’t as if he’d forgotten any details, though he wished he could. He relived them over and over, so... yeah, they weren’t going anywhere.
It was just the idea of writing it down. As if that would make it more real. It’s not as if Yuta wasn’t on trial-- that should’ve made it real, shouldn’t it have? But Hibiki hadn’t told anyone the full story, at least not so much of it. He could say that Yuta kept him for ten days, and it was pretty obvious what happened in the meantime. But that wouldn’t be enough now, and the idea of admitting that to himself was sickening. Almost as sickening as the thought of saying it out loud.
Still, after three hours of sitting over notebook paper with a pencil, he managed to craft the most terrifying horror story he’d ever read-- and, at the very least, it made Mashi’s jaw drop. Of course, because it was real.
(TW for kidnapping, implied sexual assault, physical assault, abuse, mentions of CSA, etc. Transcript below images.)
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(TRANSCRIPT: My side of the story
Yuta and I started dating when I was very young. He was my first boyfriend, and three years older than me. I was vulnerable, and he knew that. I didn't have family of friends, aside from my foster family, and he was a popular, attractive upperclassman. For someone who was also extremely impulsive and, thanks to the accident that killed my parents, sexually curious, he was the perfect option. I didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like, so I didn't know when it went sour. He was always extremely controlling, and purposefully humiliated me and used me as a prop to improve his social standing. I was insecure and inexperienced, and ended up relying on him for guidance, which made his lies that much easier for me to believe. I didn't have anything to compare them to. He later used my disappearance to bolster his resume, so he'd look trustworthy, caring, and empathetic, when in fact it was his manipulation that made me an easy target for my abductor.
After I escaped captivity, I wanted to reconnect with anyone I could find, but the Tragedy made that difficult. I didn't know who survived and who didn't, or who changed identities to protect themselves from the repercussions associated with their past actions. Yuta was one of the people I found. I wanted a familiar face, and was willing to ignore what happened between us in the past in order to feel like I wasn't alone. However, his old habits cropped up almost immediately, with him insulting my appearance, belittling me to nearly everyone we talked to, and trying to influence my relationships with new people I was meeting at the time. This culminated in him inviting me on a weekend trip, during which time he cut off my access to food, and locked me out of the cabin overnight. It was by luck and the help of my now ex-boyfriend that I survived. I believe it was an intentional attempt on my life, but even if it had simply been a case of gross negligence and anger, the end result would have been the same. After this, I tried to stop all contact with him, though he would still send me letters sometimes, and even stopped by my apartment. It wasn't until later that things escalated further.
Hiro went on a business trip, leaving me alone in the apartment. After a few weeks, he stopped responding to my text messages and calls, so I attempted to seek help from the local police, who did not turn up any leads. I filed a missing person's report and didn't hear anything back. In my desperation, I turned to Yuta, because I knew he and my former classmate, Riku, were in a serious relationship. Riku is the police commissioner, so I thought he may be able to bring attention to the case on my behalf, in exchange for my attendance at their wedding.
I agreed to meet Yuta in a public place: a cafe near my apartment, so I wouldn't have to walk very far, which would eliminate some of the danger. I knew it was dangerous, but in my desperation, I trusted him to help me. As I was approaching the coffee shop, I saw him at his car. He motioned for me to come to him, and I assumed he needed my help carrying something into the shop. He then shoved me into the trunk and slammed it closed, initially on my fingers, which I later realized were broken. I hit my head on the roof of it while I was getting pushed in, so I was even more disoriented. I got a call from someone while I was in the trunk, but was too distraught and confused to give them much, information, and I only vaguely remember the call at all. Yuta took the phone from me and threw it out of the car. Also, I have a fear of small spaces, so during the trip, I was hyperventilating. I passed out after about ten or fifteen minutes, and when I woke up my clothes had been taken from me, and I was chained by the neck to the wall in a dark concrete room. There were no lights, and I couldn't see anything. Yuta came down after a few hours and gave me some food, then gave me a "tour" of what he called my new home, and ran down a list of rules for me to follow. I had to memorize them or I'd be punished. The rules were that when he came to see me, I must always stand at attention with my hands behind my back; I was not allowed to say no to him or resist him, and always had to thank him; I wasn't allowed to use his name, only call him "Master"; and I wasn't allowed to respond to my name, only to "slave" and other degrading nicknames. He kept me chained to the wall with my hands bound by rope. I slept on a dog bed with a single blanket, I went to the bathroom in a bucket, and I bathed under a spicket over a drain. I was not allowed clothes, and I only got food and water when he paid me his daily visit. Sometimes he'd come only once a day, while other times he'd come a few times, and usually he'd stay for a few hours. During that time, he'd usually start by tying me up with rope or binding me with handcuffs or tape. He'd then spend a while hitting me with various items, mainly whips, belts, wooden canes, and paddles. Then he'd use me to pleasure himself. After he was done, he would sit in the basement for a while and read, or work on paperwork, making me stay in the position he'd tied me in. He'd usually go for round two with a little less attention on inflicting pain, and more just gratifying himself. The whole time he'd take pictures at various intervals, usually to document my injuries or to keep pictures of me in degrading positions and situations. He'd wipe down his items while I attempted to clean myself under the spicket, and when he was done, he would leave, turning off the lights whether I'd finished bathing or not. It was dark any time he wasn't in the basement, and it was only after a few days that he gave me a dim lamp. I was there for ten days. I managed to escape by using the sharp part of the metal base of the chain to cut my hands free, and then breaking the lamp and using the two conductor rods to pry open the lock on my collar. I then waited for him to come down the stairs, and fought him off using some of the weapons he's used on me. I took the blanket from my "bed" and went into his house to find my clothes. I found them buried in the back of his closet next to a safe. I'd seen no trace of the pictures he'd taken of me, so I attempted to open it, using his birthday as the passcode, and found boxes of pictures of me and other people in various compromising positions and situations. I took what I could carry, shoved my clothes into a plastic bag because I was too injured to put them on, and walked to the police station, where I handed the boxes over and walked home. They contacted me later for a statement, and filed the charges against Yuta without my prompting, aside from the prompting that came with handing them boxes of child porn.
END TRANSCRIPT)
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introvert-celeste · 6 years
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This is for @littlelarimar!
I lost his original ask, but it’s basically the Betas being protective of Jasper around Lapis/the Betas meeting Lapis for the first time. Although a good half of this is just Jasper spending time with her fam bc I can’t resist ^.^
It was getting kind of long so I ended it pretty abruptly, sorry about that.
How is any of this real?
Jasper felt like she was surrounded by ghosts, or mere figments of her fevered mind, and in a moment they would disappear and she would be alone again, with nothing but her grief and her anger.
This entire interaction felt wrong. How could she possibly be here among gems she always assumed were dead—and better off for it—in this place, so close to traitors she despised, but ones who’d helped her at her lowest point? How could they be here, smiling and relaxed (as much as one could expect from the Beta gems), when the last time they’d been together they’re very existences were on the line? How could they exist outside of the war that had taken everything from her?
And most importantly, how could she accept this affection, after how terrible she’d been all these millennia?
The question must have been clear on her face, as she felt a smaller gem tackle her from the side, thin arms clinging to her neck and face pressed forcefully against her own. Barely able to control her own emotions anymore, Jasper blushed furiously and tried to pull away, but to no avail. The gem was stronger than she seemed, and as stubbornly persistent as herself, laughing carelessly. She knew Jasper wouldn’t hurt her.
“Agh! Okay, okay! Get off!” Jasper shouted, falling back as she was finally subdued by the affection, the other Betas snickering around her.
This can’t be real.
Satisfied, Skinny finally pulled away, grinning cheekily at Jasper’s flustered glare. “What’s your problem?” Jasper demanded, as if she hadn’t just been brooding.
“You had this look on your face and I couldn’t resist,” Skinny replied matter-of-factly, her expression softening. “Come on, just lighten up for a few minutes. The war is over, Muscles.”
Agreements all around, though not as enthusiastic as one would expect from a group of gems who’d been through hell multiple times over. Of course, how could anyone expect them to let their guards down completely while they were, quite literally, on their enemy’s doorstep. Until the Crystal Gems were convinced that the Betas were trustworthy, especially when it came to interactions with Jasper, all meetings had to be held within plain sight of the temple, and someone had to be around to watch. That someone was normally Amethyst, who rarely ever paid attention, except to converse with Carnelian.
At that moment, the little traitor was positively buzzing with excitement, listing off all the things Amethyst told her in the hour that they talked that day and recapping everything from the past week. The triplets listened in amused silence, stopping her every once in a while as her excitement got to be too much, sparks flying off of her dangerously close to the wooden remains of Steven’s house.
Jasper couldn’t help but smile. At the very least, it made her happy seeing her favorite little runt happy.
“Aw, there you go!” Cleft cried, mussing up Jasper’s hair from behind. “Muscles finally cracked!”
“Would you two stop calling me that?!” Jasper retorted, embarrassed at the constant use of her old nickname. Skinny and Cleft, the two survivors who emerged closest to Jasper and who pretty much counted as column mates at this point, were the worst when it came to this. She was convinced they did it on purpose, but she didn’t actually mind it.
This was the best she’d felt in a long time, actually. Even in such close proximity to the Crystal Gems, being indebted to them and at the same time policed by them at every turn, she could say with certainty that that she’d never felt so happy. There was no war, there was no expectations, there were no rules dictating how one must live and the consequences of going against that order. At that moment, it was only her and her kindergarten mates. If this was a delusion, she never wanted to be sane again.
After another round of harassment from Cleft and Skinny, with Carnelian interrupting at intervals join the fun, she allowed herself to relax and joke with them. It was something she rarely allowed herself to do back during the war, but now there was nothing to stop her.
She didn’t notice a commotion from within the house until the conversation abruptly stopped, the door swinging open to reveal an apparently unwelcomed sight. Lapis. Amethyst was standing behind her in the doorway, obviously torn between wanting to pull her back inside and fearful of what sort of reaction that would evoke, now that Lapis had seen and been seen.
The Betas grew very still and quiet, glaring up at the blue gem wearily while casting sidelong glances at Jasper. As she stood to greet Lapis, she felt Skinny grasp her shoulder tightly, protectively, flanking her from one side while Cleft stood on the other side, arms crossed. Carnelian bolted toward her and barreling into her shin with enough force to almost knock her over, refusing to let go.
With growing mortification, Jasper realized: they know. Oh stars, they know.
Jasper wasn’t there when the Betas first arrived. They never mentioned what Steven told them—if they had even allowed him to speak to them in the first place—but Jasper was determined to put off stories of her antics until all this had died down. Malachite was at the very bottom of the list of things she planned to one day tell them, right below the abuse she dealt and received on Homeworld. She didn’t want pity.
Did that brat Steven tell them everything? Even the time Jasper begged on her knees to fuse with Lapis again, only for Lapis to bunce her across the ocean like she was a mere pebble? Whatever was said, now they were poised to protect her. Her! The very gem who saved their butts from certain death time and time again, now brought down so low that she needed protection from defective—
Jasper stopped this train of thought abruptly, guilt permeating through her. She should’ve been grateful that she had gems who cared enough to look out for her, even after all this time. For the first time in a long time, she had gems who were genuinely on her side, who knew what she was really about and what she went through, who she shared those experiences with. But while they were all ready to go, Jasper found that there was no fight left in her, nothing to fight for. She certainly wasn’t worth the effort.
“So, this is your…what does Steven call it? Family?” Lapis’ voice trembled, nervously smiling as she shrank from the Betas’ hostility.
“What do you want?” Jasper asked gruffly, shrugging the others way and squaring her shoulders, making it clear that she wasn’t bothered even as her face burned and her palms began to sweat.
Her smile wavered, but remained pinned in place. “I just…I heard everyone was out here, and I wanted to say that I’m happy for you, all of you. And…and I’m sorry, again.”
Jasper was about to dismiss her, when Skinny suddenly draped her arm over Jasper’s shoulders, leaning towards Lapis with thinly veiled derision. She asked, voice dripping with sweetness, “well, you don’t look like the type to mess a gem like her. What could you possibly be sorry for, huh?”
Lapis pursed her lips uncomfortably, no longer able to maintain eye-contact.
“What was that? I can’t hear you.”
This was almost difficult to watch. “I fused with her…” Lapis replied, barely audible.
“Louder for the gems in the back, Lazuli!”
“I fused with her!” Lapis shouted. “I trapped her in a fusion for months so I could have control over something, and I took everything out on her! I tortured her! I tortured the both of us. It was awful, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done in my entire existence. There’s nothing I can do to make up for this, but the least I can do is apologize. You forgive me, don’t you?”
She looked up at Jasper imploringly, but Jasper felt nothing. No anger, no gratitude, nothing. Truth be told, she still harbored that feeling deep within her that she deserved what she got and worse, so any apology from Lapis seemed unwarranted. It was like warden apologizing to a criminal for keeping her locked up, right? Jasper was awful, and she knew it, and that lingering sense of longing she still felt around Lapis only solidified this.
“Of course she doesn’t, you dumb clod!” Carnelian snapped before Jasper could answer. Thankfully, her hold never loosened from Jasper’s leg, or else she would have certainly torn into Lapis without mercy. As awkward and unnecessary as this altercation was, she had to admit it made her a little choked up to have her tiny companion defending her against a gem who could shatter her without a second thought. Jasper shushed her, laying a hand on her head placatingly.
Skinny released her grip on Jasper and moved dangerously close to Lapis, towering over her.
“Look at me.” She demanded. When Lapis resisted, she grabbed her chin and wrenched her head upwards. “Stay away from her, or else. Understand?”
Lapis nodded.
“Just because we occupy the same planet doesn’t make us friends, and it definitely doesn’t make us Crystal gems, so don’t think that it does. Got it?”
She nodded again, struggling against Skinny’s grip.
“And you’re going to go back in that house like the good little traitor you are and leave us alone. Okay?”
“Mmmph…yes, okay.” Lapis agreed tensely.
“Good.”
To her credit, Skinny let her go gently, giving a warning look to the other Betas to keep them from hurling more abuse her way. She wasn’t the bullying type, but she was by no means a novice. With only a tentative glance over her shoulder, Lapis made her way back up to the house. Amethyst held the door open for her, wide eyed.
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walkmeblowbyblow · 7 years
Text
The Kind of Trouble that You Enjoy, pt. 2 [Jack Lowden fic]
Summary: She briefly wonders if Jack is thinking about what they did the last time they met.
Warnings: Sex
Word count: ~5,500
Disclaimer: None of this really happened.
A/N: This took me a bit longer than I expected (and it kind of blew up along the way), but here it is, finally.
I also gave my protagonist a name, I felt like she deserved one.
You can find the first part of this fic here.
“I’m not late, am I?” she asks, stepping in through the front door.
“Eilidh! You made it!” Her friend, Rebecca, throws her arms around her, hugs her through her thick winter coat.
“Come in, you’re not late at all. Eilidh’s here!” Rebecca calls into the flat, receiving a chorus of greetings. Then she turns to her and asks, “Daisy couldn’t make it?”
“What?” she asks, pausing mid-motion as she’s unwrapping her knit scarf. “Oh, yeah, no, not tonight,” she says as Rebecca’s words reach her brain. Her cheeks feel hot all of a sudden.
She slips past her friend, into the living room, where she’s engulfed with warmth and happy chatter. She flops down on the sofa, as all the chairs around the kitchen table are occupied.
“So,” Rebecca says, bringing her a glass of bubbly. “Had a good day?”
She doesn’t get to answer, because the doorbell rings just then.
“Oh, don’t worry, Jamie will get it,” Rebecca says at once and seats herself next to her.
She tells Rebecca about a project she’s just finished, one that Rebecca has had to hear a lot about over the months as she’s vented to her.
“Anyway, it’s your day, I don’t want to talk about myself,” she concludes. “Can I give you my present already?”
“Aww, you bought me a present! Not just yet, we’ll still have to wait for… Jack!”
She looks towards the hall and suddenly she’s struggling for breath. Her senses must be playing tricks on her. It’s as if she’s seen a ghost.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming!” Rebecca exclaims and gets up to greet the man.
Not a ghost then, if her friends can see him too. She feels lightheaded, her heart is pounding in her throat.
Jack embraces Rebecca, then the other men sitting at the table. Lastly, he turns to her, a smile on his face, not only on his mouth but also in his eyes, and no matter how hard she tries to push those thoughts aside, she’s reminded of his mouth on her breasts, of his skin against hers, of his fingers between her legs.
“Hey,” Jack greets her, charming as ever.
“Hey,” she stutters back.
Her face is burning when Jack opens his arms for her. Cautiously she lets herself be embraced. His body is warm and strong. She briefly wonders if Jack is thinking about what they did the last time they met but decides she’d rather not know. He could have had sex with dozens of women in this interval, because that’s men for you. She remembers his scent, remembers like it was yesterday.
She doesn’t like this, no.
It’s a relief when they pull apart and Jack looks down at her with a gentle smile on his face. His eyes are a brighter blue, his hair more golden than she remembers.
“How are you?” he asks.
She nods, awed and dizzy, then realises that she should say something in return. “You?”
Her voice comes out too thin, a tad too eager, and she hates herself for it.
“I’m good, thanks.”
“You’ve shaved,” she remarks.
Jack runs a hand along his jaw. “Yeah, I have. Feels cold.”
“I bet it does.” Her voice has returned to the usual pitch, and she feels slightly more in command of herself again.
They sit down at the table, make conversation, and she's glad she doesn’t have to do much talking. Their friends are bombarding Jack with questions. Of course, there are questions that she pretends not to hear – questions of women, of Saoirse Ronan and other actresses, and while she looks away, out of the window, she can feel Jack’s stare grazing her. He merely chuckles, says that a gentleman never kisses and tells. Their male friends are in an uproar over this, but Jack keeps quiet.
She doesn’t even care; the only reason why she’s uncomfortable is that she was caught off-guard. If somebody had told her Jack would come, she wouldn’t have reacted this strongly. She would suspect that she was kept in the dark deliberately, but she’s never spoken to anyone about Jack and that one night.
At any rate, Jack’s presence doesn’t manage to ruin the entire night – Rebecca is the woman of the hour, the centre of all attention, and rightly so. There’s enough noise and laughter to drown out any intrusive thoughts. Still, hers and Jack’s eyes meet more than once over the course of the evening, and her heart always gives an annoying extra thud.
She has a hunch as to what will happen when she gets up from her chair and separates herself from the group. She really wants to test her theory, but it isn’t until later in the evening that she finds the courage to do so. She doesn’t even meet Jack’s eyes as she gets up and heads for the kitchen. Not long after, she hears the squeak of a chair against the floor, and footsteps coming after her.
The nape of her neck prickles. She deliberately puts off the moment of turning around and facing the man; the man she has thought about way too often over the past year. Her ghost.
“Need any help?”
Now she has to turn around; she can no longer pretend she hasn’t noticed his presence.
His eyes are gentle, his face kind. He’s taller than she remembered. Younger-looking too, now that he’s clean shaven.
“Ah, no thanks. I just…” Great, now she has to come up with an excuse.
Jack tilts his head on one side appraisingly.
“Everything all right?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“You haven’t been verbally abusive to me.”
She gives a weak snort. “That what you want? I haven’t been abusive to you, have I?”
“Well, no,” he admits. He wants to say but, she can see it in the way he observes her.
“Actually, I…” she begins, haltingly, “I need some fresh air.” She turns towards the front door.
“I’ll join you,” Jack says.
“Um…” she says, “I think I’d rather just go home.”
“Want me to walk you home?” Jack asks, and she pauses. “For old times’ sake?”
Her chest tightens at his words. She plays them over and over in her head, trying to decipher them. They seem innocent on the surface, but Jack is an actor – and a man.
“Look,” she begins, suddenly afraid that she’s reading too much into it. “...Yeah. Sure. But, Jack?”
“Mmm?”
Her brain seems to have deserted her.
“I’m…” No, you can’t lie that you’re in a relationship. It’ll be mortifying when it turns out you aren’t.
He stares at her from under his eyelashes, keen.
“Nevermind. Let’s just go.”
She grabs her jacket and mittens.
“Now?” Jack asks.
“Yeah. I have work tomorrow, anyway.”
And so they go back to wish Rebecca a happy birthday one more time before setting off.
It’s a half-an-hour walk from Rebecca’s to her place. They don’t talk much on the way. It’s a clear night; the weather is only slightly better than it was last time – chilly, but no rain.
“You still live here?” Jack asks as they approach her street.
“I do.”
It’s frightening in a way how nothing has changed in a year; like there ought to be some outward signs of the growth she’s gone through, but there aren’t.
Soon she’s standing outside her door while Jack is a couple of feet away on the pavement, looking up at her. It doesn't seem like he wants to come in.
That can only mean one thing – he’s got a girlfriend.
“Thanks for walking with me,” she says.
“Don’t mention it,” Jack replies.
“So are you going home tomorrow?”
“Actually, no,” he says. “We’ll have the premiere the day after tomorrow.”
“Here?”
“Yes. In Edinburgh.”
Well, shit.
“Right. Makes sense,” she mutters.
Jack frowns, giving her a questioning look.
“Well…” she says, “Gie it laldie.”
A small smile breaks on his face.
“I will.”
She doesn’t want to go in, but the silence is dragging on, and she doesn’t want to deal with the realisation of how awkward their relationship has turned over the year. She doesn’t suppose she’ll see Jack again – if she does, it’s because their friends have forced them to; and when they do meet, she’s sure Jack will have a pretty woman on his arm, and she’ll end up beating herself up again for investing feelings in a man.
“I guess I’ll go now,” she says, turning towards the door.
Jack has fixed her with a knowing stare, his forehead furrowed. He could say several things, but instead the only thing he utters is, “Good night.”
“Mm. Good night,” she replies. Then she slips inside.
***
Her body is heavy when she wakes up the following morning. It’s still dark outside, with rain pattering against the windows.
The bus to work is packed and smells of wet dog, despite there being no dogs, wet or otherwise, aboard.
There are only two kinds of days at work – those when she has too much to do and she ends up working overtime, and those that she spends just twiddling her thumbs and pretending to look busy.
And through all this, she just keeps thinking about how unappealing and dull her life is compared to Jack’s; how unappealing and dull she is. She’s just not enough for him, and he’ll learn it soon, if he doesn’t know already. What makes her even more miserable is that she cares. She should know better than to seek validation from men.
At any rate, she’s glad that she didn’t invite Jack in last night; had she done so, she’d be twice as messed up now. A part of her tells her it would’ve been worth it. She would like nothing better than to throttle that part of her.
The sun has long since set by the time she heads home, hands deep in her pockets as she’s forgot her mittens at the office. Another mile left.
There’s a hole in her leather shoes, and the water soaks through her sock as she splashes up the street. She can’t get home soon enough.
But when her street stretches out in front of her, she comes to a halt. She spots a lone figure with an umbrella hanging round outside her door – and she knows at once who it is.
Her heart has started racing. Suddenly her hands and feet are burning, as are her cheeks. Jack is the last person she wants to see right now – tired, soaked, and with a splitting headache.
A vision of him naked flashes across her head, and she can’t help but wonder if Jack is seeing her naked with his mind’s eyes. As if this wasn’t awkward enough.
There’s nothing for it. She sticks up her chin and fakes assertiveness as she makes for the door. It’s no use – her skin flushes hot the second he clocks her.
“Well well well,” she begins, pausing at the doorstep. “What have we got here?”
Grinning, Jack climbs down the steps – self-assured, relaxed, still so handsome – or perhaps not handsome, but inexplicably and frustratingly sexy. Especially so when he speaks.
“Did you miss me?” he asks, and she can’t help it; she has to bite down on her lip not to break into a grin as well. She couldn’t have imagined smiling today, it’s been such a shitty day. Not that it means anything; Jack has always had the gift of making women smile.
“It’s hard to miss you when you never leave me alone,” she quips, much to Jack’s amusement.
“I, um…” he begins, rubbing the back of his head. “I wanted to have a chat with you. Face to face. But if this isn’t a good time…”
“It’s okay,” she says quickly, feeling much more tolerant of Jack than she did a minute ago.
“You’d better come in,” she says to Jack as she walks past him and fishes for her keys in her bag. “I’m not sure if I want to know how long you’ve been here.”
“About fifteen minutes,” Jack answers without being prompted. “I asked Rebecca when you get off.”
She shakes her head, half-amused, half-exasperated. “Clever. Though I don’t know if I prefer that to you waiting outside my door all day.”
She unlocks the door, steps back to let her guest enter first.
But Jack says, “After you,” and brushes her back with his hand. She can’t feel it through her thick coat, but the touch sends her shivering.
They step into the flat, and she immediately curses herself, because when she left for work this morning, she wasn’t expecting to be entertaining guests in the evening – there’s a pile of dishes in the sink, empty coffee mugs on the kitchen table, clothes strewn across the sofa, accompanied by her laptop and an assortment of cords. And when she takes off her shoes, she sees that both her socks are soaked.
“Gimme a sec, I need to get changed,” she mutters, and heads for the closet.
A minute later, Jack is still standing by the front door, minus his jacket and shoes.
Reluctantly she turns to Jack, steeling herself for whatever is coming. Again, she’s amazed by how big Jack seems in her flat. She decides she’ll just let him say his piece. If she doesn’t interfere, she can do nothing wrong. His stare is a bit more serious than it was outside, and she prefers this. She doesn’t think she’d be able to cope with a wisecracking Jack right now.
He starts off by apologising. “I didn’t mean to barge in on you or anything – you’ve obviously had a long day at work and everything – but, um…”
He runs his hand through his hair, looks down. The ringing silence makes her aware of the butterflies in her belly. When he finally speaks, his voice is absolutely sincere: “I’ve thought about you, Eilidh. A lot. All year.”
Her head is spinning; as if there was no oxygen in the room.
“And if you wanted it to be a one night stand, then I’m fine with it,” he continues. “But I’ve gotta ask.”
She’s most definitely not breathing now. She’s in such a shock that she’s unable to speak for a while.
The last time she had it going for her was six months ago when she was dating Daisy. The irony wasn’t lost on her when Daisy told her three months into the relationship that she’d got feelings for a man. But at least Daisy had the backbone to break it off. She has been very closed off ever since. Or maybe she shut down the last time Jack was here, in her flat. She hates the cliché she’s become.
She heaves a sigh, shrugs. “It’s not that easy, Jack.”
“Why not?” Jack asks – he isn’t being confrontational, just maddeningly straightforward.
“We’re adults, aren’t we?” she retorts. “We can’t always have what we want.”
Jack takes a small step closer to her – he’s still at an arm’s length, but she can barely look at him.
“If you want me to go, I will.”
She shakes her head again, gives a small, resigned laugh.
“You’re an evil man, Lowden,” she mutters.
“Why?” he asks softly, and his voice makes her tremble.
“Putting it all on me,” she replies. “Making me do all the thinking.”
He takes a step closer, and now she can feel his body heat, and God, she can’t think straight. Not at all. She looks up at him defiantly, almost flinching under his stare. He spreads his arms, welcoming her to him. And she goes; brings her body against his, slides her arms around his back (which is so much broader than women’s). They elide into one another, and Jack’s warmth makes her forget about the cold, damp November outside.
“I’m gonna help you,” Jack offers as they part, and she tenses slightly, not knowing what’s coming. But he merely says, “Do you want to kiss me?”
She blinks at him dumbfoundedly, then lets out a chortle. He has an inkling of a crooked grin on his face, a glimmer in his blue eyes. His stance is bold, as if saying, Here I am. Take me. She feels lightheaded and helpless, not least because she knows that that’s exactly what she wants to do.
Jack huffs gently. “I’m sorry, but you’d think it’d be easy to say no. You want to kiss me, don’t you?” It’s a statement, devoid of mockery and flirtatious teasing. Just a plain statement of facts.
Once again they find themselves here, in her flat, suspended from time and space, and for a minute she can do nothing as she’s reeling from all the thoughts and questions racing through her brain.
She hesitates, but finally she nods. Jack’s gaze lands on her mouth.
“Then do it.”
Slowly, she cups his face; baby-smooth, clean-shaven face. Her pulse is so loud in her ears that if Jack said another word, she wouldn’t hear it.
Dimples appear on his cheeks as he smiles. She runs a thumb across, in awe at the discovery, like an archeologist unearthing bones from the Stone Age.
She moves her face up towards his, this time startled by the lack of beard – but when their lips finally touch, it feels like coming home. She thought – feared – that they’d never do this again.
The kiss blends into the next, and soon she tangles her fingers into his hair, pulls him close, and he moulds himself to her, hands on her waist. She pulls away, presses her face to his chest, starts backing him across the room to where her bed is. Jack complies readily, smirking with satisfaction and laughing into her hair.
They stumble into bed, Jack on top of her, though she promptly squirms away from beneath him; she wants to be able to kiss him properly; to lay her body on his chest. Their legs entangled, she climbs up his body until their noses touch, and their mouths are lined up.
Her hair falls around them like a veil. He brushes it off, taking in her face. He likes what he sees; the creases appear around his eyes, the dimples on his cheeks as he smiles up at her.
“I missed you.”
She feels a lump in her throat; she has to look away.
“Damn you, Lowden.”
It’s the exact answer that he was looking for. Instead of turning her head to face him, he wraps his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. His breath fans the top of her head.
“That’s more like it.”
She gives a quiet chuckle, relieved, though that small burst of joy threatens to bring all emotions to the surface. This is no time for tears; she blinks furiously.
Cautiously she lifts her head, reaches up for him. He can probably see the wet glimmer in her eyes, but he won’t mind. Their lips lock in another soft kiss, which grows deeper with each nip, each breath.
Finally she extends her arms and pushes herself up. Jack’s big, warm hands are trailing up her sides, over her ribs. Taking a detour, they move over to her front and gently cup her breasts. The touch sends a spark straight to her groin.
“So that’s what you came here for,” she snarks.
In an answer, he lets out a half-chuckle, half-growl.
“These certainly don’t hurt,” he says, and flicks his thumbs over her nipples.
She gives an involuntary shiver. The heat between her legs is getting unbearable. To avail it, she allows Jack’s leg between hers.
He starts unbuttoning her white dress shirt. His eyes widen briefly. She glances down. Oh, right – she’s wearing a black lace bra. The only one she owns, in fact.
“It’s for work,” she explains hastily.
“You think I’m complaining?” Jack replies. “Must be my lucky day.”
She lets out a snort. “What about me? Will it be my lucky day as well?”
Jack sits up, taking off his sweater and t-shirt. Her throat is suddenly dry; she wasn’t expecting him to have bulked up – nothing extreme, but his muscles are without doubt more defined than she remembers.
She clears her throat and says, “Yup, it’s mine too.”
“Wanna see some more?” Jack asks, his tongue peeking out between his teeth.
She doesn’t trust herself to speak, so she merely nods.
“You’ll have to get off my leg then, darling,” he says in a knowing tone.
Blushing slightly, she does as she’s told (though she hates losing the lovely friction), and Jack takes off his remaining clothes.
She feels short of breath all of a sudden; her heart is erratic. She climbs off the bed and goes to the bathroom, returning with a condom.
“You all right?”
“Yeah.”
“We don’t have to do anything, y’know.” Jack’s voice is low and raspy, and the butterflies in her belly are going haywire.
“It’s not that,” she says. “I want you like mad, Lowden. I must be mad to want you.”
A burst of laughter fills the room temporarily. Then Jack’s brows knit together in apparent worry. He inches closer, cradles her cheek.
“I can come back some other day.”
She appreciates the sentiment, but it sounds exceedingly unrealistic. No – it’s now or never.
“No,” she murmurs. “I want you now.”
He gives a quiet chuckle. “Good.”
And so she unclasps her bra and shimmies out of her undies.
He pulls her on top of him.
“Making me do all the work, huh?” she whispers against his mouth.
“Thought you might like it.”
“You’re not wrong,” she quips, reaching down between them, where his arousal is pressed against her pubic bone. Jack tenses beneath her, holds his breath.
“You know what?” she says, stopping.
“What?”
“I don’t like this.”
Jack looks visibly nervous. “Like what?”
“This,” she says, gesturing in the air between them. “Too much distance.”
Comprehension dawns on Jack’s face, followed by relief.
“Oh. Really?” he says. “What do you suggest then?”
She lowers herself down on her side, next to Jack, wraps her other leg around the small of his back.
“Better?”
“Much better,” she says, cradling Jack’s face. They’re chest to chest, forehead to forehead, just as she wants them to be. She guides him inside carefully.
The position doesn’t leave any arms free for Jack, and while she could reach down and touch herself, she doesn’t want to. It doesn’t matter all that much just then. She wants to commit as much of this to memory as possible – no haze clouding her mind this time.
There’s a point when Jack notices this. He looks her in the eyes, a thin sheen of sweat on his temples.
“You okay?”
She nods, but he still seems confused.
“Are you coming?” she asks.
With a bewildered chuckle, Jack says, “I’m getting there. You sure you don’t want…”
“Yeah. No need to wait for me.”
While Jack doesn’t seem entirely satisfied with her answer, he accepts it; and soon his forehead furrows and his eyes flutter shut. He comes with a stuttering gasp, and she runs her fingers through his sweaty hair while he rides out his orgasm.
His mouth looks for hers, and the kiss that follows is lazy but burning hot.
“I missed you so much.”
She smirks. “You told me that already.”
“It bears repeating,” Jack murmurs.
He gets up with supreme effort and goes to dispose of the condom. She’s glad to have him back in bed, for her room feels startlingly cold without him next to her.
“Sure you don’t want me to…” Jack begins as he puts his boxers back on and stretches out on the bed.
“It’s okay,” she assures.
Jack nuzzles his face in her tousled hair. She closes her eyes at the sensation.
“How’ve you been?” he asks after a moment.
“The same as always,” she replies, smiling a little. “Still in the same job, still headed nowhere, but at least I’m making a decent amount of money while doing it.”
Jack gives an appreciative chuckle. “Sounds lovely.”
“Yeah well, it beats being a film star,” she says, and shakes with Jack’s body as he bursts out laughing.
“What’s it like living your life?” she asks back.
“It’s all right,” Jack says matter-of-factly.
He runs his fingers through her hair, and she feels lazy and soft. It isn’t until he stops that she can ask a hard question.
“What are you doing in my bed, though?”
Jack tenses next to her.
“What do you mean?”
“You could have any woman you wanted. Doesn’t make sense for you to go after me – at least not exclusively. Why aren’t you out there, pulling girls?”
“I tried it, I admit. But it didn’t…” He shakes his head. “It wasn’t for me.”
“What’s this then?” she asks, pointing at the two of them.
Jack’s expression turns serious. “I dunno. What would you like this to be? Or are you still only seeing women?”
The truth is, she doesn’t know. She admits as much to him.
Jack seems to know he’s hit a nerve, because he hurries into reassuring her: “You don’t have to decide now.” Then he props himself up on his elbow, and begins to climb down her body, peppering her chest and belly with kisses.
“Where do you think you’re going, Lowden?” she asks, a grin playing on her face.
“I’m not letting my girl go unsatisfied,” he replies.
My girl. The words are pulling her in a dozen different directions, but the flutter in the pit of her belly doesn’t lie.
And so Jack parts her legs, arranges the duvet under her butt for better access. Having had his release already, he clearly isn’t in a hurry. He takes his time, makes her wait; at last she feels his hot breath on her slick skin.
It’s slow and erotic, as if they had all the time in the world; he’s patient but determined. His mouth and fingers take turns in coaxing her orgasm out of her. Soon she finds her hand gripping Jack’s hair and the other one squeezing the sheets.
Her climax ebbing away, she relaxes onto the mattress, replete with satisfaction which, to her surprise, is both physical and emotional.
Jack leaves her for a minute to catch her breath. When he returns he has a shirt on, but he runs a thumb across his lip, and she feels a tremor low in her belly. He collapses beside her, looking straight at her, though she can’t quite answer the gaze just now.
“Cold?” he asks, covering her with the duvet. She appreciates the gesture – at least it hides her naked body.
He leans over, plants a kiss on her shoulder – just like he did last time. She still isn’t sure what it means.
“You’ve been looking as if you’ve seen a ghost,” he mutters.
She makes a hum in the back of her throat. “That ghost gives great head, I’ll give him that.”
Jack gives a naughty giggle, draping an arm around her. She could easily drift off to sleep right now. Even her headache is gone and replaced by a pleasurable haze.
When the afterglow has stretched on long enough, and the fog in her head has settled, she clears her throat. “I’ve been thinking… about what you just said.”
“God, you weren’t supposed to think, darling,” Jack interjects, kissing her shoulder again.
“You asked me if… if I’m only seeing women still.”
Jack pauses and looks up at her.
“I… could make an exception?” she goes on, a little breathlessly. Her blood is racing again. She’s afraid to turn her head and meet Jack’s gaze, but it needs to be done.
His gaze is inquisitive; he’s scrutinising her, to make sure she’s serious. He seems to find no lie on her face, as the corners of his mouth curve into a gentle smile.
“You’re lucky that I’m good with long-distance relationships,” she adds – only then realising that she has said the R word, despite Jack never mentioning anything about a relationship. Her cheeks are burning, and she turns her face away. Shit.
“I’d be lucky to have you in the first place,” Jack murmurs, putting her at ease.
“Nah, you wouldn’t,” she retorts, encouraged and emboldened once again. “Honestly, it should be me who’s lucky. You’re probably drowning in pussy. Me, not so much.”
She earns a chuckle and a resigned shake of head from Jack.
“There’s no need for you to keep me at arm’s length, you know,” he says.
She falls quiet.
“There’s no shame in saying you want this,” he says. “That you want me.”
She mutters under her breath, “Who would want a relationship with your smug arse?”
“See? That right there,” Jack interrupts, a slightly exasperated smile on his face. He touches her chin, gently turning her face to him. “Didn’t you tell me a year ago that we’re too old to play games?”
She’s quiet for a beat. “Yeah. I did.”
“I know what you’re doing, love. I know because I do it too. But there’s no shame in being serious.”
Jack’s eyes are heavy on hers. Her heart is beating so wildly in her chest that she’s dizzy.
“If I date you, does it mean I have to start wearing make-up and lace underwear?”
“Well, I’ve never seen you wear make-up – as far as I know – and as for the lace underwear, I don’t care what you’re wearing as long as it comes off quickly,” Jack answers.
She bursts into giggles.
“So – do you want me or not?”
“Yeah,” she says, her voice thin. “I want you, Jack fucking Lowden.”
A twinkle lights up his heavy eyes.
“And you? Do you want me?” she asks in turn.
“I do,” Jack says. “Thought it was obvious.”
She exhales, realising that she’s been holding her breath all this time.
“But I swear I’ll blight your crops and sour your milk if you’re having me on, Lowden,” she adds.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Jack replies.
They hold one another’s gaze. Jack is about to bend his head down for a kiss, but she dodges it and rolls on top of him, pinning him down onto the mattress.
“Come back after the premiere,” she says.
His face furrows in question.
She continues, “I’ll have made up my mind by then.”
That’s what she says, but of course she has already made up her mind – she just needs to be sure of Jack.
He can see this for what it is – a challenge. But he accepts it.
“All right.”
She gives an approving nod of her head, and climbs off him.
Jack sits up. “Well,” he says with a sigh, “I guess that’s my cue to exit, right?”
She pauses for a moment. “N-not necessarily, no.”
Jack stares at her questioningly.
Her voice is tiny when she elaborates: “You can stay the night. If you want.”
And he does.
***
She’s had butterflies in her belly ever since Jack left her side the following morning. The day feels excruciatingly long, as if it wasn’t passing at all. She forces herself to eat and to go to bed, though sleep keeps evading her way up till 3 am.
But she must have fallen asleep at some point, because she’s jolted out of her slumber by her phone ringing, and when she opens up her eyes, it’s broad daylight.
She drops the phone as she sees the name on the screen.
“Shit!”
It keeps ringing. She picks it up with trembling hands, and clears her throat:
“Yeah?”
“Did I wake you?”
Her belly does a somersault at the familiar voice.
“Um, yeah, but it’s okay,” she says, climbing out of bed. “What’s up?”
“Can you let me in, or should I wait?”
She pauses, one leg tangled in her pajama pants. Then it hits her.
She makes her way to the front door.
“You’re here?” she asks, incredulous but dizzy with joy.
“I can come back later.”
She unlocks the door, discovering a man standing outside it with a phone to his ear.
Slow grins spread across their faces as they look at one another.
“Morning,” Jack says.
“Good morning, Lowden,” she answers, and lowers her phone.
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sllester · 4 years
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Love and understanding in the time of coronavirus
An intensive care physician from Limerick has advised us to treat each other like pariahs in order to avoid spreading the coronavirus.  This may seem counter-intuitive at a time when a lot of people are confused, terrified and need, more than ever, human warmth. But look at her face, she’s not joking.  She’s not politely suggesting that you think about changing your behaviour the way Boris might tell you to refrain from going to the pub. She is saying: if you don’t practice social distancing people will die. In fact, she looks like she might kill you herself if you don’t comply.  But pariah is a confusing analogy here, because really what she’s also saying is: we are all connected and your actions have consequences beyond yourself. Care for others by not being close to them.
We live in an age of hyper individualism but it’s a fallacy that we ever believed we were individuals in the first place.
For the last few weeks I’ve been puzzling over why other people seemed to be far less affected by these warnings of a fast-approaching apocalypse.  I couldn’t figure out why there was little public outcry over the suggestion that over 60% of the population should catch this virus that we know little about (with a death rate estimated between 1% - 3%) on the offchance that we build up herd immunity to a virus that may in any case mutate. The herd immunity idea has since been retracted, and described instead as an unintended consequence, as opposed to a desired outcome. This shift in policy has been attributed to the results of a study from Imperial College, which showed that the original strategy would overwhelm the NHS many times over. Adaptive policymaking is to be expected when the science is shifty and uncertain and decisions are ultimately political, but the lack of transparency means that people in the UK genuinely don’t know if they should take it on the chin and get infected…or the complete opposite. When you need trust in a government above all else, that’s a pretty big problem.
As it happens, my anxiety around the potential knock on effects of coronavirus grew to such an extent that I naturally achieved a pariah-like status without even trying.  I’m not particularly worried about catching COVID-19 myself, but I’m terrified of unintentionally infecting people who have worse health than me, I’m worried about how our decimated public services will deal with the strain (even with the extra resources), and I’m haunted by the steepness of that exponential curve, fearing that we’ve done more to make it spike than to flatten it. I’m worried about the role state violence will inevitably play in keeping order. But more than any of those things, I feel a strange mix of terror and hope at the transformative potential to change the very way that we relate to the world and each other.  
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People are coming together in amazing ways to navigate a new normal, but people are also divided, helpless and angry. We’re living in the wake of ten years of austerity and this crisis represents a decisive point – do we get better at understanding each other and changing our behaviour or do we refuse to think beyond ourselves?
“Selfish middle class bitch” shouts one woman in the street to another who is wearing a facemask “what do you think you’re doing?”. Assuming that this insult is aimed at her ‘selfish’ mask wearing – I wonder what makes the abusive woman assume she isn’t trying to protect others as much as she is protecting herself. She might be a healthworker or chronically ill or pregnant. She may be trying to protect her elderly friends and relatives. Please don’t shout at her, I want to say, but I keep my distance like the pariah I’ve become.
The regular homeless man who roams round our street looks on at the people kitted out in gloves and masks scurrying about with shopping bags in bemusement, a wry smile on his lips. Apparently, they are going to tell the contestants on Germany’s Big Brother, who have no access to news, about the coronavirus live on air. Will they go straight back into the house to quarantine? How will they know what reality is any more? How does anyone?
Meanwhile people send memes mocking those who are scared of food shortages, a recipe for a quarantini, or messages complaining about their kids not being allowed in nursery. I take a deep breath before responding to anything, consider the situation from all angles so as not to get upset that somebody’s take on it is different than mine at that precise moment.
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I have a heated conversation with my Dad, who is 71, because he laughed off my suggestion that he might change his plans in order to mitigate the risk of catching or spreading the virus. Things go from bad to worse when he says he was pleased to hear Boris say he was led by the science. I get angry and say it’s meaningless. What is ‘the science’? At that point I couldn’t find anything to show what he was referring to, and this obfuscation leads me to speculate that he was planning a eugenics experiment inspired by Dominic Cummings. Children get infected to pass it on to grandparents and the ill. He chastises me for the Hitler comparisons, even though I didn’t mention his name directly, and we talk momentarily about the undesirables. “I’m not a fan of mass murder” my Dad says after a pause and the absurdity of the statement makes me laugh for the first time in what feels like weeks.
He asks how much we’ll need him over the coming months, and I tell him I have no idea, it’s difficult to quantify. I explain, wincingly, that I don’t want to put other vulnerable people at risk if he’s not going to change his behaviour. “If I’m expected to stay in my house for four months, you may as well give me an injection”, he concludes. My Dad may be stubborn but he’s not prone to dramatic outbursts. This made me sit up and listen.
So, in a weird reversal of my teenage years, I’m yelling at my Dad about not going out, and he’s telling me that he’d rather live life on the edge, ignore the public health advice and play tennis with his octogenarian friends. I realise on reflection, that while I’m worried about my Dad, I instinctively feel that he will be alright, but as my partner has a chronic illness and is on an arsenal of various opiates I am worried that he may be badly affected. An overwhelmed health service is unlikely to be able to deal with anomalies such as rare diseases should he need medical care. It’s all speculation of course, and my partners’ anxiety is mainly about protecting his parents, who I’m also very keen to keep safe too. So there is a web of connections and half-voiced concerns between all of us, and what I want for one of the people I love is not compatible with the free will and intentions of another person I love. One wants to bunker down and wait it out, and the other thinks this approach is laughable. In a way, in the case of such overwhelming uncertainty, both of them are right.
I save most of my emotional strength for the time I spend with my 3 year-old daughter, which is also the time that I should be working. My partner reminds me gently not to look at e-mails or the news when I’m playing with her. She gets upset when she doesn’t have my full attention and I’m grateful for the reminder. I’ve been obsessively streaming through commentary and evidence and opinion pieces, trying to form a balanced view of all this, to try and understand the rationale for certain decisions that have been made. It does me good to stop.
The more I talk to different people the more my views, which a week previously I’d been sure about, shift. I was convinced that we should be following China, South Korea and Singapore’s model: strictly enforced social distancing measures, contact tracing and an aim to suppress, rather than mitigate, the virus. This seemed logical to me, as somebody who lives with other people that I love. My Dad, who lives alone, saw quarantine more like a death sentence. I suppose solitary confinement is a punishment for a reason.
The next morning my wayward Dad jumps on the last plane (urgent travel only) to Germany to see his girlfriend. Once he’s settled there he calls on what’s app: “I’m embarrassed to say that I’m having a good time”. He puts me on his car insurance, says we can use his house which is up near Hampstead Heath and has a garden (=heaven) everybody is, in that moment, happy. We all need some fresh air.  We are physically distant but emotionally close. I ask him to send his address in Germany as I have a fear that the internet is going to stop working at some point. Can the internet disappear? Or would it just be temporarily suppressed?
The next day I call my 91-year old Nana anticipating she might be afraid after the announcements about the over 70s. Again, I am proven wrong. She appears even less bothered by all of this than my Dad. Maybe she thinks, at her advanced age, that she is in a different category altogether. She’s been working in her son’s DIY store that day, handling coins, riding on the bus. She’s been selling lots of toilet roll, she laughs.
 “It’s just a matter of luck, whether you get it or not” she says. In a way, she’s right. Many people won’t have the means to avoid it. But I tell her it’s a good idea to wash her hands all the same and to try and lie low for a while if she can. “I’ve had lots of phone calls lately” she says. The phone is making a comeback we agree. Yes, and there are dolphins in Venice’s canals and the birds seems to be singing louder than normal. And then she warns me that the phone will cut out because her phone battery only lasts for 25 minutes intervals. “We’ll just keep talking until it cuts out”, she says. And then it does.
We’ve all been rearranging our lives in light of a new virus, to accommodate something we don’t fully understand. A week ago, I was certain I had all the answers but that was because I had a very narrow view of the problem. It might seem obvious to do something from one perspective, but there are inevitably unintended consequences, both good and catastrophic. Every intervention (such as school closures) brings with it an array of unintended consequences (e.g vulnerable children not receiving free school meals; parents going insane from trying to work and look after their kids at the same time, rise in domestic violence).There isn’t such a thing as a single solution to something so complex, only a series of momentarily meaningful decisions made in the face of dizzying ambiguity. We are making it up as we go along, and we have to make sense of it together. Even when physically apart. 
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ultimateunadon-blog · 7 years
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Hideyuki
“Go home, have a good rest and a nice long shower, and don’t stress yourselves out too much.”
I clearly recalled Coach Fujine giving us, at the end of the 4-hour training, just two days before the biggest judo championship in Tokyo, the same prerecorded motivational talk everybody knew. “Tomorrow’s a Saturday, but don’t be tempted to train till you die. I did that when I was your age, at my first competition. I died. At the most, just stretch or something. Relax, before the big thing. Sunday’s your day to shine, my boys…”
Especially you, Ryuji Yamagata. I have high expectations of you; it’s about time you defeated Tadakuni Kazejima, once and for all…
Most of it hardly registered. It was the same drivel, over and over again, year after year. Coach Matsuura said the exact same things back in 2014; then he retired and scurried off to his little cottage in Niigata, and Coach Fujine came in and repeated the same things. Didn’t help much; I had three silver medals hanging on my wall as testament to that.
I was too hungry to care, anyways.
The nine of us had a team dinner at the sukiyaki place near the DonQuijote store along Takadanobaba, all sponsored by Coach Fujine and his bottomless, everlastingly abundant wallet, and then we went our separate ways, back to our mansions and apartments. Most of us did, at least.
I didn’t feel like going home so early, and neither did Hideyuki Hayashi or Kaizo Tokuda.
We had dessert at a Korean bingsu establishment near the train station, and with that over and done with, Kaizo fell into the dreaded sleep coma, burping at regular intervals like a diseased toad and rubbing his fatigued eyes, his short-cropped hair still somehow shiny from sweat.
“I’ll just go home”, he murmured, almost incoherently, lumbering into Takadanobaba Station while rubbing his grotesquely bloated belly, the stubble on his face making him look at least two times older than his 17 years. “See you on Sunday, stupid bastards.”
So it was just down to me and Hideyuki.
My heart skipped a beat the moment Kaizo was out of sight.
“Say, Ryuji”, said Hideyuki, wrapping his lean arm round my shoulder, “wanna go watch a porno movie?”
“Meh, not tonight”, I replied dryly, my eyes drifting to his arm as we walked (catching a brief glimpse of his armpit, him being one or two centimetres taller than me). I couldn’t stop looking at Hideyuki’s arms; he looked really scrawny, especially thanks to his preferring slightly oversized shirts, but when he went bare and flexed, he looked like a veritable bodybuilder; much like Vladimir Putin, in fact, but with more lines and less overflow.
“Okay, then.”
I inserted the remnants of my small change (the irritating ¥10 and ¥20 coins) into a vending machine and bought two bottles of Calpis, tossing one to Hideyuki, before we both headed up one of the commercial buildings, sneaking onto one of the rooftops.
That rooftop in Takadanobaba was one of two secret hideaways that our team had found (the other being in Roppongi) that we abused to no end. The security guards at both places didn’t seem to care much for us, seeing as we were just high school boys looking for a place to relax. From our vantage point, we could see a pretty large distance; Akihabara at 10 o’clock from the entrance, a tiny speck of obscene glare on the horizon, screaming for attention amidst the already bright lights, and Ginza just nearby.
“You don’t need to go home?” Hideyuki asked me, putting the cloth bag he kept his judogi in on the floor, before sitting down and resting his head on it like a pillow, all while sipping at the milky white yoghurt drink. “I thought your mum was quite anal about you being late.”
“Not tonight”, I replied. “She’s playing in an LoL tournament till 3 in the morning. I doubt she gives a shit about where her poor failure of a son is hanging out.”
“Ayy”, he chuckled, capping the bottle, having finished almost a third of it in a single gulp. “My girlfriend would probably kill me if she found out I liked camping outside till morning, but she’s on a nine day school trip in Kyoto, so I’m fine. Besides, my parents don’t care either way.” He whipped out his Samsung Note 7 and began texting somebody.
I cracked the cap off the top of the bottle and took a sip of the white liquid, condensation running down my fingers and dripping on the floor. My gaze wandered around tiredly, but with each sweep of the eyes, I could not help but fix my sights on Hideyuki lying there, a limp yet defined figure resting under the blinded night sky, nonchalantly texting with one hand and holding up his bottle with the other. The veins on his arm seemed to crawl about every time he moved his arm.
“I didn’t know you watched porno movies”, I said to Hideyuki, attempting to break the awkward silence.
“Once in a while”, he replied almost incongruously nonchalantly. “I don’t find it arousing as much as I find it funny. Like Haruki Murakami said, it’s funny to think that the moment they start getting it on on screen, forty men suddenly have boners simultaneously.”
“Yeah… haha…”
The bizarre conversation ended abruptly, as I finished the last few drops of my drink without even realising it, tossing the bottle into the gigantic recycling bin nearby, before sitting down cross-legged beside Hideyuki’s flaccid figure reclined on the ground. He’d finished texting his girlfriend (a pleasant 15-year-old girl by the name of Yuriko, who spoke with a Nagoya dialect), and was playing Clash Royale, swearing every time a goblin barrel managed to land successfully on his end.
Quietly, I watched.
The final goblin barrel finally did him in, as his opponent snatched the first crown of the game in overtime, much to his chagrin, obvious from his closing the game and quitting it, before heading over to Instagram. I didn’t even know it, but I’d been sitting there for five minutes straight just staring at Hideyuki and whatever he was doing on his phone.
Hideyuki, evidently, also noticed, for he craned his head up and looked at me.
“Something wrong, Ryuji?” he asked.
“It’s just…” My thoughts were in a hurricane-like flurry. Perhaps it was the fatigue from four hours of almost nonstop training under Coach Fujine the Dictator; perhaps it was the sugar rush from the Calpis (especially considering the bingsu and the two cups of root beer I drank over dinner); perhaps I was just sleepy. But my tongue seemed to be acting independently of my brain.
“Just what?”
“I love you”, I blurted out, too confused to even begin rationalising what was going through my mind. “I’m gay.”
Which wasn’t, strictly speaking, wrong. I’d had fleeting attractions to the odd girl once or twice in my life, and even gone on a date with a classmate, but none had genuinely inspired the same warm, steamy feeling I felt the first time I hugged Hideyuki, back in 2015, when I first competed alongside him; we weren’t in the same school, but both of us were under Coach Fujine’s martial club. In the three months leading up to the championships that year, our two teams had trained alongside each other on Saturdays, and even though we were competitors (evident from the violent, almost beastly enmity with which both our sides seemed to view the others), that didn’t really stop me from interacting with Hideyuki. We weren’t even in the same weight category anyways (I was 58kg and he was 62kg), so any competition between the two of us was solely for school pride.
“Fuck school pride”, was how Hideyuki felt about it.
School pride never really had any need to get violated, for it was by a stroke of luck that both of us somehow ended up in the same high school the following year. The surprise written all over his face was matched by the hidden incandescence that suddenly rose from inside my belly, all the way up to my windpipe, in a way I’d never before experienced.
How my constant wandering thoughts about Hideyuki since that day had led to me unwittingly and spontaneously confessing my feelings for him on a Takadanobaba rooftop was something beyond my comprehension.
“You’re kidding”, said Hideyuki, grinning. His grin, though, was a lot less silly and clownish than it usually was. Like something was holding him back.
“N-no”, I added, suddenly in control of a body that had committed a crime without even knowing it. “I really… do…”
“You mean you-“
“It’s not that”, I protested wearily, knowing full well where that sentence was headed, my already ruddy cheeks flushing with steaming blood. “I hate the idea of doing the thing, but… but…”
I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I was imprisoned by my language. No words could delicately and concisely explain what exactly it was I’d felt towards him since the beginning of the previous school year.
Hideyuki’s grin slowly faded. His teeth disappeared under the cover of his thin lips, surrounded all over by tan, golden skin, till his mouth had been curled into no more than the ghost of a smile, dreamy and reflective. His jet-black pupils, encircled by hazel irises, looked up into mine, and then his mouth slid back into a toothy gleam.
“Nice to know”, he said. It sounded sarcastic, but something about the way he gazed straight into my eyes convinced me otherwise.
Fatigue began to overcome me. The glowing in my chest, rather than subside from awkwardness, only waxed even further.
As he went back to his Instagram surfing, I slowly stretched out my legs and lowered myself, till my head was resting on Hideyuki’s torso sideways, my right cheek resting on his nicely-defined abdominal muscles which, unflexed, felt more like a medium-to-hard pillow than a washing board, as most people tended to describe abs. His body had a saline odour, but I didn’t care; it didn’t register at all.
So overwhelming was that gush of sauna water that engulfed my whole body, that for that one brief moment in time, it felt like everything in the universe had disappeared. No judo competition, no porno movies, no game-crazy mother. That the only things that existed were Ryuji Yamagata and Hideyuki Hayashi, intertwined like the symbiotic wires that made up a piano.
My moistened eyes could not hold out any longer. There was so much more I could have said that moment, so much more I wanted to say, but in the torrent of mellowness that I had suddenly been immersed in, all that slipped into warm, childlike oblivion.
“Love you, baby”, was all I could manage, as my eyelids began to succumb to the spell of sleep.
The last thing I remembered that night was Hideyuki, still lying down limply with his head on his pillow, chuckling softly and running his fingers through my hair.
“Love you too”, he added, as I slipped into warm slumber.
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aliamckinstry · 4 years
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Lamictal Bruxism Amazing Cool Tips
Jaw surgery can have very different approaches to its original shape and position your palm beneath your ear, and neck exercises.It may be audible sounds caused by the sufferer to the jaw joints, ear pain in your mouth.Degenerative joint disease could also make something for you and use what you feel pain while chewing or grinding of teeth and clenching of teeth, it is crucial to remember that it cannot be a TMJ pain often occurs when the body of, aches and pains in the morning or awaken from your dentist, or ENT might also be caused by stress, or a few rounds of treatment of the TMJ not the root cause, and adjust the specific actions and habits are considered the options to re-align your jaw.o Grinding sounds in the mouth and while asleep.
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It has been avoided because of those areas are attached to your body.A contemporary approach to pain in the ears, feel muffled, clogged, or fullness in the life of an underlying condition in many cases of bruxism.There might even worsen symptoms and prevent future pain. Reduce your stress may also lead to serious jaw disorders, headaches and not actually a variety of psychological and physical therapy and Neuro-plastic movement therapy using Neuroplasticity techniques work well to weaken the muscle tension and decrease inflammation.This will have less to treat and can best advise and provide temporary relief to victims of bruxism.
Children that grind their teeth, as a means to stop doing it.The first word is Tempero, which truly means Temporal.To ease the pain in the jaw and is available for TMJ sufferers usually wake feeling like your mouth or that the mentioned symptoms there is an effective solution at the side of the TMJ.Injuries to the nasty bruxism symptoms surface again.When two treatments like mouth guards would have made my pain worse.
This reflexive response has a name: Trauma Reflex.Although some people experience substantial pain relief for people suffering from teeth grinding or jaw are considered the most cost effective and are doing it.Consult your doctors and physicians can also increase the interval between treatments.The replacement could either be better treated with a face that connect your upper and lower teeth fit together properly and therefore, the bite guard and in the treatment of teeth grinding habit can also provide your history of fractures in and unclench it.Lemons and peppermint are some indications to look out for.
What other options for natural TMJ cures available are jaw pain, the strengthened muscles give your jaw musclesAlthough the disorder and that's where counselors and psychologists come in.Others also do so throughout their adolescence and adult life.Often the only way you should find a treatment plan every day.Some sufferers consider surgery which needs a lot or about conditions and make a big part in some other parts surrounding the joint.
Herbal Remedy For Bruxism
These patients are also available but there are many TMJ treatment options for your symptoms.Both women and children are both affected by this exercise.TMJ is that it modifies or entirely displaces our sense of position, and as it opens straight and do not have one of the eye, ear, tongue, neck, shoulder, etc. it leads to a salon for a TMJ dentist.Some people also don't like to say that yes, there is a common denominator.In fact, a lot of vitamins and nutrients, and many others.
It's important to understand this once you know why it hurts.They work by giving your self is to what is bruxism, how do you know where to look.When severe enough, bruxism may be feeling.These joints are one of the easiest when it comes right down to it, no matter how hard one grinds it.Such a person to clench their teeth from the adult population have TMJ is a completely curable condition.
The jaw region will recover its original alignment and loosening up my tight muscles.While there are things you can to move the joint which may cause severe injury to the jaw to the conclusion that a pinworm infestation can also be associated to other ailments which leads some people may experience tremendous headaches but are not always a good chance you suffer from TMJ.Here are some of the jaw muscle; avoiding the use of your teeth grinding can cause complications that come with TMJ it is possible to manage stress and relax our muscles, bringing relief from your TMJ symptoms may manifest.Chiropractic treatment for TMJ pain, eye-ache, sensitive teeth, throat pain which is an efficient tool to a misalignment of the temporomandibular joint dysfunction, and it's a good chance you will have experience in treating TMJ yourself at home, but may refer pain to feel your jaw without realizing it.Usually, bruxism is a link between TMJ and do not abuse our TMJ's, especially when facing a situation where muscles, ligaments and nerves.
Of course, you can open your mouth while opening and closing of your problem could actually start manifesting; however the effect of causing headaches, jaw pain because it is completely natural manner, thanks to excessive straining of the earsLike many conditions, TMJ can contract forms of sleep not only help with endurance.Researchers are now finding a link between female hormones and TMJ is the key to relieving the pain.Before you start noticing jaw pain can be a good doctor.Use your fingers and, with mouth guards are very efficient and effective relief of pain that radiates through the week because you have them check your SCM muscles by squeezing them.
When this happens the head and even yawning painful.A jaw tracker determines how each individual case will be fitted so that surgery will fix all of this disorder before calling your doctor when experiencing the symptoms subside and find a day can help improve many of the disorder, here are some tips:When you chew you apply available natural TMJ cures simply do not advocate disobeying a physicians orders to alleviate your pain is not a comfortable space between the teeth grinding is to reduce the problem is when the mouth to such actions, train yourself by performing these exercises.It is a good idea to talk to your problem and your jaw area, the symptoms of this habit.This is because a few weeks if you clench or grind their teeth all the other as you see a doctor immediately and work with TMJ treatment therapy is a good dentist that you have a much more likely than what would be a major medical concern needs attention to this area are two ways to alleviate the pain you're dealing with treating TMJ disorders.
One of the nerves, muscles, teeth and create a physical therapist, can prepare some stretching and avoid strain on the region.Natural remedies are a bit further than you can find out if they have chosen to practice them if they're torn but they're always too challenging for people who hear or watch them sleep.Here I will discuss treatment options so you are experiencing these symptoms are not only cheap and safer; it actually increases the tension on your cheeks.Any method that works much like disc repositioning with one needle connected to a certain amount of teeth grinding noise.Aspirin: Moderate anti-inflammatory medicines are not enough.
Tmj Diagnosis
pain in the TMJ disorder using simple tongue exercises.Be mindful of your own home to reduce the pain is over-the counter pain killing medication - Self help treatments are natural, and could be considered first.Holding your neck or find it amazing that most people will find immediate relief of pain and other traumatic injuries suffered by denture wearers when they are eating.The cold pack to the bony surfaces of teeth.Case studies have shown to reduce the quality of life.
Once completed, after an hour and a crooked opening.Pain medication is prescribed to help you cure someone, you bring his body to breathe through the inflammation of joints connected to other serious problems.But when it doesn't address the root causes of TMJ disorder it's very invasive and unproven, drugs which would cause the structural problems that might help you focus on how hard one grinds it.Restoring the upper and lower teeth and jaw.So arthritis, dislocations, and birth abnormalities.
0 notes
dietsauthority · 5 years
Text
Build a Badass Body! Tune your Workouts into the Highest Fat Burning Gear in 2016!
Physical weakness offers us unstable self-confidence. When you defeat on your own up over dropping weight or, time after time helplessly chat yourself into stopping the wicked foods you love, you are not actually doing on your own any kind of favors to really feel happier or much healthier. You are most likely to really feel denied and miserable.
Start the year with the resolution to obtain stronger in both mind and body. Just how? Most importantly put some preparation right into your workouts and also commit to top quality over amount. Utter cluelessness regarding your exercise routine leads to reluctant dilly dallying around the health club that is hardly going to transform into obvious progress.
Remove hesitation out of the equation as well as replace it with focused strength and you could get a significant after melt from even 15 mins a day!
Metabolic conditioning is the heart of effective workout programs such as P90X, Craziness as well as CrossFit that have actually produced several tore bodies around the world. If they appear much also difficult or intimidating to be within your capability's reach, after that there are still less complex ways to scale down the very same principle to your private capacity.
You just need to start with the mental shift to take your focus OFF the scale as well as inch tape for a while to transform your attention to boosting your efficiency numbers. Those are the numbers that count and also will turn you right into a total badass if you only get the time to place in the effort. Absolutely nothing matches the splendor of excellent old fashioned hard work!
The abuse of alternating weight training with cardio intervals
Amidst the weight loss stressed fitness center crowd, nobody wants to place in the moment to develop some significant stamina. The little strength training that such people do is frequently negated by reverting to the closest cross-trainer or treadmill for longer compared to exactly what could be identified as a period. It could get some results in the start yet is not lasting over time. Either you are setting on your own for a burn out if you are going for it or just throwing away time if the effort is half-hearted.
What you need? Limits established by numbers
Cut complication totally by limiting your workouts to a period or target reps. When you plainly understand your goals, you remove deceptions about viewed effort.
The complying with are 3 training strategies that require old college try in restricted time as well as are worth cycling in a workout plan.
Fat Loss Four (FL4) training design
The title sounds expensive however it is a very flexible layout to obtain a full body exercise inside or outside the fitness center and also a favorite of numerous star trainers. Do not hesitate to include resistance or limitation to easy bodyweight steps according to your capacity. A typical design includes four workout circuit carried out in fast succession. The option criteria and period of each move need to be as follows.
Any top body workout x 30 secs complied with by 15 seconds of rest
( Example: Push-ups, Shoulder Press, Bench Press, Weights rows)
Any lower body exercise x 30 secs adhered to by 15 secs of rest
( Example: Air squat, weights squat, goblet squat, deadlift, lunges, leg press)
Any core/ torso strengthening workout x 30 secs complied with by 15 seconds of rest
( Instance: Plank to raise, Renegade rows, Swiss round knee tucks, mountain climbers)
Cardio burst x 90 seconds
( Instance: Jump rope, leaping jacks, high knees, sprints)
Rest for one minute and also repeat two even more times.
Amrap vs Afap (As lots of representatives/ rounds as you can VS As quickly as feasible)
Amrap is a term made popular by CrossFit that took good antique circuit training to a whole new degree of strength. If it takes you 40 minutes to finish 3 rounds of a common circuit at your fitness center, then following time go for 4, 5, 6, 7 or more by going as fast as possible through all the movements while keeping good form. This means no 5 minute rests between or spare time for laid-back chit chat. Minimize the resistance if you need to, considering that the emphasis is on BOTH taxing your muscles as well as getting your heart price up.
Sample Workout: CrossFit 15 minute Amrap ladder of a 3 exercise circuit
The repetition of the following 3 workouts increases by 2 with every round. For instance, carry out 2 repeatings of each in very first round, 4 of each in 2nd round, 6 in the 3rd round and also so on.
Goblet Squat
Sit ups
Burpees
Perform as 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16... until the timer ringings at 15 minutes. The overall variety of repeatings of all the workouts combined is your final score. Objective to beat that at every attempt!
Also, once in a while, make use of the criteria of Afap (As fast as possible) to strike objectives like 50/100 consecutive squats, pushups, bring up, burpees or similar body weight relocates commonly used to measure fitness. They will function as a standard for your muscle endurance as well as let you know if your health and fitness capabilities are enhancing as you experience delay in fatigue, even if the scale refused to budge.
Tabata training
Metabolic increases can not obtain any kind of shorter. Inning accordance with the Japanese doctor that created them, including Tabata design circuits in everyday exercise regimen for 6 weeks enhanced both cardio and also anaerobic levels by 28% as compared to individuals that restricted themselves to activities of moderate intensity.
Pick one exercise or a pair as well as do them continuously for 20 seconds of job followed by ten seconds of remainder till your timer hums at the four min mark. Choose as lots of representatives as you can (amrap) during each 20 second interval.
Tabatas offer as remarkable finishers for single body component training at the gym. You could perform four minutes of push-ups at the end of a chest workout or 4 mins (x20 seconds of work - 10 secs rest) of air crouches at the end of a heavy leg day.
Even as a substitute exercise, tabatas are terrific for a fast calorie burning thrust when you have absolutely nothing however your own bodyweight or a set of dumbbells at house. About.com provides a sample exercise clarifying how you can match prominent stamina training exercises utilizing the tabata style to obtain a full body fat torching workout.
Use either or all the above strategies to ensure a leaner and stronger self in 2016!
0 notes
golicit · 6 years
Text
Time for Another Round of Securities Class Action Litigation Reform?
In 1995, Congress passed the Private Securities Class Action Reform Act (PLSRA) over President Clinton’s veto in order to try to address perceived securities class action litigation abuses. According to a new report from the U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform entitled “A Rising Threat: The New Class Actions Racket That Harms Investors and the Economy,” despite the PSLRA’s reforms, many of the same abuses that led to the PSLRA’s enactment have returned, and as a result the securities class action system is “spinning out of control.” According to the report, the time has come for Congress to intervene again to curb “abusive practices that enable the filing of unjustified actions.” The Institute’s October 23, 2018 report can be found here. 
  The “Skyrocketing” Number of Securities Lawsuit Filings
As evidence of the return of “abuses eerily similar to those of the 1990s,” the report cites a number of factors, including most notably the “skyrocketing” number of securities class action lawsuits. As I have noted on this blog, the number of securities class action lawsuit filings in 2017 was at historically high levels, and the torrid pace of filings continued in the first half of 2018. The number of filings this year are on pace to end the year close to last year’s record setting levels. The rate of litigation – that is, the number of lawsuits relative to the number of publicly traded companies – is even more alarming; with the litigation rate in recent months exceeding 8%, the likelihood of an individual publicly traded company getting hit with a securities suit is higher than it has ever been.
  According to the report, not only is the number of lawsuit filings soaring, the lawsuits “are again filed without regard to their merit.” The report notes that whereas in the past, securities class action lawsuits were filed based upon allegations of financial misrepresentations, today “a huge proportion” of the class actions are being filed either based on (1) proposed M&A transactions, or (2) headline-grabbing events harming a company’s underlying business.
  The Increase in the Number of Federal Court Merger Objection Lawsuits
With regard to the M&A litigation, the report document notes, as I have previously noted on this blog, that a huge percentage of M&A deals draw at least one lawsuit. The huge percentage of deals being targeted by itself “demonstrates that suits are filed with regard to the underlying merits,” as it is obvious that 80% of the deals do not involve fraud. The plaintiffs’ lawyers file these lawsuits because the short deal timelines provide incentives for defendants to quickly settle. Academic studies cited in the report have substantiated that the types of disclosure-only settlements by which most of these cases are settled provide little value to shareholders and the additional disclosures do not affect shareholder voting.
  In recognition of these abuses, Delaware’s courts have evinced their hostility to merger objection lawsuits, as a result of which the case increasingly are being filed in federal court. In order to avoid judicial scrutiny of disclosure-only settlements, the federal merger objection cases increasingly are being settled based on the defendants’ agreement to provide supplemental disclosures (making the case “moot”) and the defendants’ willingness to pay the plaintiffs’ lawyers a “mootness fee,” which typically are made without court approval.
  The Rise in the Number of Event-Driven Securities Lawsuits
With regard to the second major securities litigation trend driving the increase in the number of securities class action lawsuit filings, the report notes that there has been “a dramatic growth in the new category of event-driven claims.” These kinds of claims allege that the defendant company misrepresented the risk that the adverse event would occur. The report cites as an example of these types of lawsuits the securities suit that was filed against Arconic following the Grenfell Tower fire. Other examples include the securities suits filed against companies following revelations of regulatory investigations; following disclosures of alleged sexual misconduct involving senior company management; or involving news of a cybersecurity incident at the company.
  The plaintiffs’ lawyers are drawn to these kinds of event-drive suits because the event typically is accompanied by a sharp drop in the company’s share price. However, the “merits of these claims are highly suspect.” The report cites an article by Columbia Law School Professor John Coffee saying that these event-driven securities suits often are “fatally deficient” with respect to allegations of both scienter and loss causation. The report also cites the comments of observers that the scope of event-driven litigation could expand rapidly.
  The Overall Decline in the Merits of Lawsuits Filed
The upshot in the proliferation of these new and expanding categories of securities class action lawsuit filings is that at the same time that the number of lawsuits has increased, the merits of the lawsuits filed has declined. The report cites an increasing rate at which the securities suits are dismissed – from about one-third to forty percent in the early years after the passage of the PSLRA to over 50% in the most recent years – as confirming that “plaintiffs’ lawyers are filing more legally-unjustified claims.” Moreover, the cases that survive or that otherwise settle increasingly are settled on a nuisance value basis, further underscoring the overall lack of merit of many of the cases that are being filed.
  The Harm to Investors
This proliferation of “abusive securities class actions” is “hurting investors, not benefiting them.” In support of its assertion that the increasing number of lawsuits is hurting investors, the report cites a recent study by Chubb showing that between 2012 and 2016 the aggregate cost to companies of resolving M&A lawsuits – whether or not they settle or are dismissed – has increase by significant amounts. The report also cites academic studies concluding that even where securities litigation results in a cash settlement, the settlement itself represents little more than a shift of funds from one set of shareholders.
  The Need for Additional Congressional Reform
The report contends that “the same sort of abusive practices” that led Congress to enact the PSLRA “are again in full flower and require Congressional attention.” In support of this assertion, the report details how the goals of the PSLRA’s lead plaintiff provisions have been undermined. In the lead plaintiff provision, Congress sought to encourage institutional investors to become involved in controlling securities lawsuits. However, increasingly the lead plaintiff in securities suits either is an individual or a public pension fund whose leaders have received political contributions from the plaintiffs’ law firms. As a result, there is a “missing monitor” in many shareholder lawsuits, which in turn may help to explain why plaintiffs’ lawyers are able to file so many lawsuits that are dismissed or settled for nuisance value. Either way, the lawsuits “are imposing a cost on the system and ultimately on shareholders, who are its intended beneficiaries.”
  The report concludes that “the securities class action litigation racket is plainly inflicting serious harm on investors, companies, capital markets, and our entire economy.” The report argues that Congress should enact reform legislation that would deter the filing of “meritless cases”’; ensure that cases are brought because investors injured by fraud seek redress, not because “plaintiffs’ lawyers need additional ‘inventory’; and “prohibit abusive practices that undermine the ability of parties and the courts to address the merits of securities class action claims.”
  Discussion
The report cites a number of litigation trends and developments that have been highlighted on this blog. (Indeed, in many cases, this blog is the source on which the report is relying for some of its analysis. And, yes, I am very appreciative of the report’s very kind props, thank you very much. ) Like the report’s authors, I too have been alarmed by the dramatic rise in the number of securities class actions. For that reason, I agree that it could be time for Congress to consider whether additional securities class action reforms may be warranted.
  It is probably worth noting that there is a sort of pendulum swing that seems to govern the periodic pushes for securities litigation reform. The pendulum swung in favor of reform in 1995 with the PSLRA. After the rash of corporate scandals at the beginning of the last decade, the pendulum swing resulted, in 2002, in the Sarbanes Oxley Act. After the global financial crisis, the pendulum swing resulted, in 2010, in the Dodd-Frank Act. In between the pendulum swings in favor of reform, the pendulum swung in the opposite direction, in favor of trying to encourage investment and capital raising. Thus, just two years after the D0dd-Frank Act, the pendulum swing resulted in the JOBS Act (which Congress has since amended several times).
  It could be that with the accumulating evidence that is faithfully compiled in this report, the pendulum may have swung back again, in favor of reform. If you look at the pattern from the PSLRA to Sarbanes Oxley to Dodd Frank, the pendulum swing intervals are about seven or eight years. So the Institute’s call for reform appears to be right on schedule.
  While I agree in many respects with the report’s analysis, I do have some points of disagreement. One concern relates to the conclusions the report draws about the increasing numbers of dismissals. It could be, as the report argues, that the increasing dismissal rate could be due to a declining overall quality of securities suit filings. However, it is possible that there are other factors that might explain the increased dismissal rate, at least in part. The increased dismissal rate could also be due to changes in U.S. Supreme Court case law interpreting the PSLRA’s reforms.
  To cite just one example, in 2007, the Supreme Court held in the Tellabs case that under the PSLRA’s heightened pleading standard that a securities fraud complaint “will survive only if a reasonable person would deem the inference of scienter cogent and at least as compelling as any plausible opposing inference one could draw from the facts alleged.” This articulation of the heightened requirements for pleading scienter undoubtedly led to an increased number of dismissals.
  The Tellabs decision is only one of a series of rulings that increased the plaintiffs’ pleading burdens in securities suits. Arguably this changing legal landscape could explain, at least in part, the increase in the dismissal rate in more recent years as compared to the dismissal rate in the early years after the PSLRA’s enactment.
  The report does not go into detail on the question of what specific reforms might be best calculated to eliminate the perceived abuses. The report is obviously leaving for another day the question of what reforms are indicated. Just the same, I do think it is worth noting here that there may be different answers for different aspects of the supposed evils identified in the report. For example, I believe the obvious abuses of merger objection litigation could be dealt with separately, and arguably more easily, than some of the other problems identified.
  For example, Congress could easily pass legislation specifying that there is no private right of action under Section 14 of the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934; that simple move would eliminate federal court merger objection litigation and force claimants back into state court and the growing state court hostility to merger objection lawsuits.
  Although I generally agree with many of the observations in the report, I do feel that there are some countervailing considerations.
  For example, while there are many lawsuits that arguably could be characterized as abusive, not all securities lawsuit filings are abusive. Not all securities lawsuits lack merit. I make this point to emphasize that whatever reforms are considered or enacted, the revisions should not sweep too broadly and risk discouraging the meritorious lawsuits that are filed. To be sure, the report acknowledges this concern at various points, commenting, for example, that among the goals of any Congressional reform would be the objective to “encourage the cases involving real fraud.”
  This latter point of not discouraging meritorious lawsuits fits within a larger consideration relating to our U.S. securities marketplace. One of the reasons why the U.S. securities marketplace is as respected as it is, and one of the reasons why a listing on a U.S. exchange is perceived as a mark of status and reliability, is that our marketplace is viewed as transparent and having integrity. One of the reasons our marketplace is viewed this way is that scrutiny is a very significant part of having a U.S. listing. This level of purifying scrutiny comes not only from the official government regulator, but also from the additional protections afforded through private securities litigation.
  The U.S. Supreme Court has frequently noted that our system of private securities litigation is an important accessory part of the system for policing the integrity of our securities marketplace. (Indeed, the Court stressed that very point in the Tellabs decision — private rights of action under the securities laws, the Court said, are a “necessary supplement to Commission action.”)  I stress that point here to emphasize that any reforms should take into account the important role that private securities litigation provides in policing our securities marketplace.
  All of that said, I think the Institute’s report is interesting, includes a number of important observations, and is worth reading at length and in full. The report’s authors have pulled together a number of important trends and the overall impression is concerning. Clearly, and at a minimum, these are issues that should be discussed, and arguably even addressed.
The post Time for Another Round of Securities Class Action Litigation Reform? appeared first on The D&O Diary.
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lawfultruth · 6 years
Text
Time for Another Round of Securities Class Action Litigation Reform?
In 1995, Congress passed the Private Securities Class Action Reform Act (PLSRA) over President Clinton’s veto in order to try to address perceived securities class action litigation abuses. According to a new report from the U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform entitled “A Rising Threat: The New Class Actions Racket That Harms Investors and the Economy,” despite the PSLRA’s reforms, many of the same abuses that led to the PSLRA’s enactment have returned, and as a result the securities class action system is “spinning out of control.” According to the report, the time has come for Congress to intervene again to curb “abusive practices that enable the filing of unjustified actions.” The Institute’s October 23, 2018 report can be found here. 
  The “Skyrocketing” Number of Securities Lawsuit Filings
As evidence of the return of “abuses eerily similar to those of the 1990s,” the report cites a number of factors, including most notably the “skyrocketing” number of securities class action lawsuits. As I have noted on this blog, the number of securities class action lawsuit filings in 2017 was at historically high levels, and the torrid pace of filings continued in the first half of 2018. The number of filings this year are on pace to end the year close to last year’s record setting levels. The rate of litigation – that is, the number of lawsuits relative to the number of publicly traded companies – is even more alarming; with the litigation rate in recent months exceeding 8%, the likelihood of an individual publicly traded company getting hit with a securities suit is higher than it has ever been.
  According to the report, not only is the number of lawsuit filings soaring, the lawsuits “are again filed without regard to their merit.” The report notes that whereas in the past, securities class action lawsuits were filed based upon allegations of financial misrepresentations, today “a huge proportion” of the class actions are being filed either based on (1) proposed M&A transactions, or (2) headline-grabbing events harming a company’s underlying business.
  The Increase in the Number of Federal Court Merger Objection Lawsuits
With regard to the M&A litigation, the report document notes, as I have previously noted on this blog, that a huge percentage of M&A deals draw at least one lawsuit. The huge percentage of deals being targeted by itself “demonstrates that suits are filed with regard to the underlying merits,” as it is obvious that 80% of the deals do not involve fraud. The plaintiffs’ lawyers file these lawsuits because the short deal timelines provide incentives for defendants to quickly settle. Academic studies cited in the report have substantiated that the types of disclosure-only settlements by which most of these cases are settled provide little value to shareholders and the additional disclosures do not affect shareholder voting.
  In recognition of these abuses, Delaware’s courts have evinced their hostility to merger objection lawsuits, as a result of which the case increasingly are being filed in federal court. In order to avoid judicial scrutiny of disclosure-only settlements, the federal merger objection cases increasingly are being settled based on the defendants’ agreement to provide supplemental disclosures (making the case “moot”) and the defendants’ willingness to pay the plaintiffs’ lawyers a “mootness fee,” which typically are made without court approval.
  The Rise in the Number of Event-Driven Securities Lawsuits
With regard to the second major securities litigation trend driving the increase in the number of securities class action lawsuit filings, the report notes that there has been “a dramatic growth in the new category of event-driven claims.” These kinds of claims allege that the defendant company misrepresented the risk that the adverse event would occur. The report cites as an example of these types of lawsuits the securities suit that was filed against Arconic following the Grenfell Tower fire. Other examples include the securities suits filed against companies following revelations of regulatory investigations; following disclosures of alleged sexual misconduct involving senior company management; or involving news of a cybersecurity incident at the company.
  The plaintiffs’ lawyers are drawn to these kinds of event-drive suits because the event typically is accompanied by a sharp drop in the company’s share price. However, the “merits of these claims are highly suspect.” The report cites an article by Columbia Law School Professor John Coffee saying that these event-driven securities suits often are “fatally deficient” with respect to allegations of both scienter and loss causation. The report also cites the comments of observers that the scope of event-driven litigation could expand rapidly.
  The Overall Decline in the Merits of Lawsuits Filed
The upshot in the proliferation of these new and expanding categories of securities class action lawsuit filings is that at the same time that the number of lawsuits has increased, the merits of the lawsuits filed has declined. The report cites an increasing rate at which the securities suits are dismissed – from about one-third to forty percent in the early years after the passage of the PSLRA to over 50% in the most recent years – as confirming that “plaintiffs’ lawyers are filing more legally-unjustified claims.” Moreover, the cases that survive or that otherwise settle increasingly are settled on a nuisance value basis, further underscoring the overall lack of merit of many of the cases that are being filed.
  The Harm to Investors
This proliferation of “abusive securities class actions” is “hurting investors, not benefiting them.” In support of its assertion that the increasing number of lawsuits is hurting investors, the report cites a recent study by Chubb showing that between 2012 and 2016 the aggregate cost to companies of resolving M&A lawsuits – whether or not they settle or are dismissed – has increase by significant amounts. The report also cites academic studies concluding that even where securities litigation results in a cash settlement, the settlement itself represents little more than a shift of funds from one set of shareholders.
  The Need for Additional Congressional Reform
The report contends that “the same sort of abusive practices” that led Congress to enact the PSLRA “are again in full flower and require Congressional attention.” In support of this assertion, the report details how the goals of the PSLRA’s lead plaintiff provisions have been undermined. In the lead plaintiff provision, Congress sought to encourage institutional investors to become involved in controlling securities lawsuits. However, increasingly the lead plaintiff in securities suits either is an individual or a public pension fund whose leaders have received political contributions from the plaintiffs’ law firms. As a result, there is a “missing monitor” in many shareholder lawsuits, which in turn may help to explain why plaintiffs’ lawyers are able to file so many lawsuits that are dismissed or settled for nuisance value. Either way, the lawsuits “are imposing a cost on the system and ultimately on shareholders, who are its intended beneficiaries.”
  The report concludes that “the securities class action litigation racket is plainly inflicting serious harm on investors, companies, capital markets, and our entire economy.” The report argues that Congress should enact reform legislation that would deter the filing of “meritless cases”’; ensure that cases are brought because investors injured by fraud seek redress, not because “plaintiffs’ lawyers need additional ‘inventory’; and “prohibit abusive practices that undermine the ability of parties and the courts to address the merits of securities class action claims.”
  Discussion
The report cites a number of litigation trends and developments that have been highlighted on this blog. (Indeed, in many cases, this blog is the source on which the report is relying for some of its analysis. And, yes, I am very appreciative of the report’s very kind props, thank you very much. ) Like the report’s authors, I too have been alarmed by the dramatic rise in the number of securities class actions. For that reason, I agree that it could be time for Congress to consider whether additional securities class action reforms may be warranted.
  It is probably worth noting that there is a sort of pendulum swing that seems to govern the periodic pushes for securities litigation reform. The pendulum swung in favor of reform in 1995 with the PSLRA. After the rash of corporate scandals at the beginning of the last decade, the pendulum swing resulted, in 2002, in the Sarbanes Oxley Act. After the global financial crisis, the pendulum swing resulted, in 2010, in the Dodd-Frank Act. In between the pendulum swings in favor of reform, the pendulum swung in the opposite direction, in favor of trying to encourage investment and capital raising. Thus, just two years after the D0dd-Frank Act, the pendulum swing resulted in the JOBS Act (which Congress has since amended several times).
  It could be that with the accumulating evidence that is faithfully compiled in this report, the pendulum may have swung back again, in favor of reform. If you look at the pattern from the PSLRA to Sarbanes Oxley to Dodd Frank, the pendulum swing intervals are about seven or eight years. So the Institute’s call for reform appears to be right on schedule.
  While I agree in many respects with the report’s analysis, I do have some points of disagreement. One concern relates to the conclusions the report draws about the increasing numbers of dismissals. It could be, as the report argues, that the increasing dismissal rate could be due to a declining overall quality of securities suit filings. However, it is possible that there are other factors that might explain the increased dismissal rate, at least in part. The increased dismissal rate could also be due to changes in U.S. Supreme Court case law interpreting the PSLRA’s reforms.
  To cite just one example, in 2007, the Supreme Court held in the Tellabs case that under the PSLRA’s heightened pleading standard that a securities fraud complaint “will survive only if a reasonable person would deem the inference of scienter cogent and at least as compelling as any plausible opposing inference one could draw from the facts alleged.” This articulation of the heightened requirements for pleading scienter undoubtedly led to an increased number of dismissals.
  The Tellabs decision is only one of a series of rulings that increased the plaintiffs’ pleading burdens in securities suits. Arguably this changing legal landscape could explain, at least in part, the increase in the dismissal rate in more recent years as compared to the dismissal rate in the early years after the PSLRA’s enactment.
  The report does not go into detail on the question of what specific reforms might be best calculated to eliminate the perceived abuses. The report is obviously leaving for another day the question of what reforms are indicated. Just the same, I do think it is worth noting here that there may be different answers for different aspects of the supposed evils identified in the report. For example, I believe the obvious abuses of merger objection litigation could be dealt with separately, and arguably more easily, than some of the other problems identified.
  For example, Congress could easily pass legislation specifying that there is no private right of action under Section 14 of the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934; that simple move would eliminate federal court merger objection litigation and force claimants back into state court and the growing state court hostility to merger objection lawsuits.
  Although I generally agree with many of the observations in the report, I do feel that there are some countervailing considerations.
  For example, while there are many lawsuits that arguably could be characterized as abusive, not all securities lawsuit filings are abusive. Not all securities lawsuits lack merit. I make this point to emphasize that whatever reforms are considered or enacted, the revisions should not sweep too broadly and risk discouraging the meritorious lawsuits that are filed. To be sure, the report acknowledges this concern at various points, commenting, for example, that among the goals of any Congressional reform would be the objective to “encourage the cases involving real fraud.”
  This latter point of not discouraging meritorious lawsuits fits within a larger consideration relating to our U.S. securities marketplace. One of the reasons why the U.S. securities marketplace is as respected as it is, and one of the reasons why a listing on a U.S. exchange is perceived as a mark of status and reliability, is that our marketplace is viewed as transparent and having integrity. One of the reasons our marketplace is viewed this way is that scrutiny is a very significant part of having a U.S. listing. This level of purifying scrutiny comes not only from the official government regulator, but also from the additional protections afforded through private securities litigation.
  The U.S. Supreme Court has frequently noted that our system of private securities litigation is an important accessory part of the system for policing the integrity of our securities marketplace. (Indeed, the Court stressed that very point in the Tellabs decision — private rights of action under the securities laws, the Court said, are a “necessary supplement to Commission action.”)  I stress that point here to emphasize that any reforms should take into account the important role that private securities litigation provides in policing our securities marketplace.
  All of that said, I think the Institute’s report is interesting, includes a number of important observations, and is worth reading at length and in full. The report’s authors have pulled together a number of important trends and the overall impression is concerning. Clearly, and at a minimum, these are issues that should be discussed, and arguably even addressed.
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Time for Another Round of Securities Class Action Litigation Reform?
In 1995, Congress passed the Private Securities Class Action Reform Act (PLSRA) over President Clinton’s veto in order to try to address perceived securities class action litigation abuses. According to a new report from the U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform entitled “A Rising Threat: The New Class Actions Racket That Harms Investors and the Economy,” despite the PSLRA’s reforms, many of the same abuses that led to the PSLRA’s enactment have returned, and as a result the securities class action system is “spinning out of control.” According to the report, the time has come for Congress to intervene again to curb “abusive practices that enable the filing of unjustified actions.” The Institute’s October 23, 2018 report can be found here. 
  The “Skyrocketing” Number of Securities Lawsuit Filings
As evidence of the return of “abuses eerily similar to those of the 1990s,” the report cites a number of factors, including most notably the “skyrocketing” number of securities class action lawsuits. As I have noted on this blog, the number of securities class action lawsuit filings in 2017 was at historically high levels, and the torrid pace of filings continued in the first half of 2018. The number of filings this year are on pace to end the year close to last year’s record setting levels. The rate of litigation – that is, the number of lawsuits relative to the number of publicly traded companies – is even more alarming; with the litigation rate in recent months exceeding 8%, the likelihood of an individual publicly traded company getting hit with a securities suit is higher than it has ever been.
  According to the report, not only is the number of lawsuit filings soaring, the lawsuits “are again filed without regard to their merit.” The report notes that whereas in the past, securities class action lawsuits were filed based upon allegations of financial misrepresentations, today “a huge proportion” of the class actions are being filed either based on (1) proposed M&A transactions, or (2) headline-grabbing events harming a company’s underlying business.
  The Increase in the Number of Federal Court Merger Objection Lawsuits
With regard to the M&A litigation, the report document notes, as I have previously noted on this blog, that a huge percentage of M&A deals draw at least one lawsuit. The huge percentage of deals being targeted by itself “demonstrates that suits are filed with regard to the underlying merits,” as it is obvious that 80% of the deals do not involve fraud. The plaintiffs’ lawyers file these lawsuits because the short deal timelines provide incentives for defendants to quickly settle. Academic studies cited in the report have substantiated that the types of disclosure-only settlements by which most of these cases are settled provide little value to shareholders and the additional disclosures do not affect shareholder voting.
  In recognition of these abuses, Delaware’s courts have evinced their hostility to merger objection lawsuits, as a result of which the case increasingly are being filed in federal court. In order to avoid judicial scrutiny of disclosure-only settlements, the federal merger objection cases increasingly are being settled based on the defendants’ agreement to provide supplemental disclosures (making the case “moot”) and the defendants’ willingness to pay the plaintiffs’ lawyers a “mootness fee,” which typically are made without court approval.
  The Rise in the Number of Event-Driven Securities Lawsuits
With regard to the second major securities litigation trend driving the increase in the number of securities class action lawsuit filings, the report notes that there has been “a dramatic growth in the new category of event-driven claims.” These kinds of claims allege that the defendant company misrepresented the risk that the adverse event would occur. The report cites as an example of these types of lawsuits the securities suit that was filed against Arconic following the Grenfell Tower fire. Other examples include the securities suits filed against companies following revelations of regulatory investigations; following disclosures of alleged sexual misconduct involving senior company management; or involving news of a cybersecurity incident at the company.
  The plaintiffs’ lawyers are drawn to these kinds of event-drive suits because the event typically is accompanied by a sharp drop in the company’s share price. However, the “merits of these claims are highly suspect.” The report cites an article by Columbia Law School Professor John Coffee saying that these event-driven securities suits often are “fatally deficient” with respect to allegations of both scienter and loss causation. The report also cites the comments of observers that the scope of event-driven litigation could expand rapidly.
  The Overall Decline in the Merits of Lawsuits Filed
The upshot in the proliferation of these new and expanding categories of securities class action lawsuit filings is that at the same time that the number of lawsuits has increased, the merits of the lawsuits filed has declined. The report cites an increasing rate at which the securities suits are dismissed – from about one-third to forty percent in the early years after the passage of the PSLRA to over 50% in the most recent years – as confirming that “plaintiffs’ lawyers are filing more legally-unjustified claims.” Moreover, the cases that survive or that otherwise settle increasingly are settled on a nuisance value basis, further underscoring the overall lack of merit of many of the cases that are being filed.
  The Harm to Investors
This proliferation of “abusive securities class actions” is “hurting investors, not benefiting them.” In support of its assertion that the increasing number of lawsuits is hurting investors, the report cites a recent study by Chubb showing that between 2012 and 2016 the aggregate cost to companies of resolving M&A lawsuits – whether or not they settle or are dismissed – has increase by significant amounts. The report also cites academic studies concluding that even where securities litigation results in a cash settlement, the settlement itself represents little more than a shift of funds from one set of shareholders.
  The Need for Additional Congressional Reform
The report contends that “the same sort of abusive practices” that led Congress to enact the PSLRA “are again in full flower and require Congressional attention.” In support of this assertion, the report details how the goals of the PSLRA’s lead plaintiff provisions have been undermined. In the lead plaintiff provision, Congress sought to encourage institutional investors to become involved in controlling securities lawsuits. However, increasingly the lead plaintiff in securities suits either is an individual or a public pension fund whose leaders have received political contributions from the plaintiffs’ law firms. As a result, there is a “missing monitor” in many shareholder lawsuits, which in turn may help to explain why plaintiffs’ lawyers are able to file so many lawsuits that are dismissed or settled for nuisance value. Either way, the lawsuits “are imposing a cost on the system and ultimately on shareholders, who are its intended beneficiaries.”
  The report concludes that “the securities class action litigation racket is plainly inflicting serious harm on investors, companies, capital markets, and our entire economy.” The report argues that Congress should enact reform legislation that would deter the filing of “meritless cases”’; ensure that cases are brought because investors injured by fraud seek redress, not because “plaintiffs’ lawyers need additional ‘inventory’; and “prohibit abusive practices that undermine the ability of parties and the courts to address the merits of securities class action claims.”
  Discussion
The report cites a number of litigation trends and developments that have been highlighted on this blog. (Indeed, in many cases, this blog is the source on which the report is relying for some of its analysis. And, yes, I am very appreciative of the report’s very kind props, thank you very much. ) Like the report’s authors, I too have been alarmed by the dramatic rise in the number of securities class actions. For that reason, I agree that it could be time for Congress to consider whether additional securities class action reforms may be warranted.
  It is probably worth noting that there is a sort of pendulum swing that seems to govern the periodic pushes for securities litigation reform. The pendulum swung in favor of reform in 1995 with the PSLRA. After the rash of corporate scandals at the beginning of the last decade, the pendulum swing resulted, in 2002, in the Sarbanes Oxley Act. After the global financial crisis, the pendulum swing resulted, in 2010, in the Dodd-Frank Act. In between the pendulum swings in favor of reform, the pendulum swung in the opposite direction, in favor of trying to encourage investment and capital raising. Thus, just two years after the D0dd-Frank Act, the pendulum swing resulted in the JOBS Act (which Congress has since amended several times).
  It could be that with the accumulating evidence that is faithfully compiled in this report, the pendulum may have swung back again, in favor of reform. If you look at the pattern from the PSLRA to Sarbanes Oxley to Dodd Frank, the pendulum swing intervals are about seven or eight years. So the Institute’s call for reform appears to be right on schedule.
  While I agree in many respects with the report’s analysis, I do have some points of disagreement. One concern relates to the conclusions the report draws about the increasing numbers of dismissals. It could be, as the report argues, that the increasing dismissal rate could be due to a declining overall quality of securities suit filings. However, it is possible that there are other factors that might explain the increased dismissal rate, at least in part. The increased dismissal rate could also be due to changes in U.S. Supreme Court case law interpreting the PSLRA’s reforms.
  To cite just one example, in 2007, the Supreme Court held in the Tellabs case that under the PSLRA’s heightened pleading standard that a securities fraud complaint “will survive only if a reasonable person would deem the inference of scienter cogent and at least as compelling as any plausible opposing inference one could draw from the facts alleged.” This articulation of the heightened requirements for pleading scienter undoubtedly led to an increased number of dismissals.
  The Tellabs decision is only one of a series of rulings that increased the plaintiffs’ pleading burdens in securities suits. Arguably this changing legal landscape could explain, at least in part, the increase in the dismissal rate in more recent years as compared to the dismissal rate in the early years after the PSLRA’s enactment.
  The report does not go into detail on the question of what specific reforms might be best calculated to eliminate the perceived abuses. The report is obviously leaving for another day the question of what reforms are indicated. Just the same, I do think it is worth noting here that there may be different answers for different aspects of the supposed evils identified in the report. For example, I believe the obvious abuses of merger objection litigation could be dealt with separately, and arguably more easily, than some of the other problems identified.
  For example, Congress could easily pass legislation specifying that there is no private right of action under Section 14 of the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934; that simple move would eliminate federal court merger objection litigation and force claimants back into state court and the growing state court hostility to merger objection lawsuits.
  Although I generally agree with many of the observations in the report, I do feel that there are some countervailing considerations.
  For example, while there are many lawsuits that arguably could be characterized as abusive, not all securities lawsuit filings are abusive. Not all securities lawsuits lack merit. I make this point to emphasize that whatever reforms are considered or enacted, the revisions should not sweep too broadly and risk discouraging the meritorious lawsuits that are filed. To be sure, the report acknowledges this concern at various points, commenting, for example, that among the goals of any Congressional reform would be the objective to “encourage the cases involving real fraud.”
  This latter point of not discouraging meritorious lawsuits fits within a larger consideration relating to our U.S. securities marketplace. One of the reasons why the U.S. securities marketplace is as respected as it is, and one of the reasons why a listing on a U.S. exchange is perceived as a mark of status and reliability, is that our marketplace is viewed as transparent and having integrity. One of the reasons our marketplace is viewed this way is that scrutiny is a very significant part of having a U.S. listing. This level of purifying scrutiny comes not only from the official government regulator, but also from the additional protections afforded through private securities litigation.
  The U.S. Supreme Court has frequently noted that our system of private securities litigation is an important accessory part of the system for policing the integrity of our securities marketplace. (Indeed, the Court stressed that very point in the Tellabs decision — private rights of action under the securities laws, the Court said, are a “necessary supplement to Commission action.”)  I stress that point here to emphasize that any reforms should take into account the important role that private securities litigation provides in policing our securities marketplace.
  All of that said, I think the Institute’s report is interesting, includes a number of important observations, and is worth reading at length and in full. The report’s authors have pulled together a number of important trends and the overall impression is concerning. Clearly, and at a minimum, these are issues that should be discussed, and arguably even addressed.
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