Snape looked almost mad. His eyes glittered and his jaw cracked.
“You didn’t, it’s true. But you are still covered in blood. Your hands, your legs, your body, your mind. Everything. It’s covered in blood. And how can you live with it?”
I see Snape in my head as Adrien Brody. At least his face. Maybe eyebrows are more downward. Adrien Brody is not as skinny as I think Snape is, I think he is extremely skinny and pale.
Sometimes someone says I am dumb because I love fictional characters.
I am smiling to that.
Because I want to live on the fictional world. Because I don’t like the reality I am living in. It’s traumatic and full of crap.
I like reading and drawing but I don’t always have any strength because I am tired.
Literally in the fictional universe is the same thing almost every time: wars, cheating, murders, betrayal…
But it’s different because it’s more interesting. I like to think about my comfort characters. Snape, Thorin, Thranduil…
I can control them in my mind. They won’t cheat, abuse, betray, rape me. Unlike my parents or my ex.
They won’t say anything bad. Because I am the filter. I can read fanfics or write them.
It’s sad because all my brain needs to survive is take dopamine from fictional characters and universe.
It’s sad that I am somehow always ending alone. It’s sad that I am in the middle of the war and when I was a child reading history books I didn’t think it’s possible anymore.
I am tired adult. I am working every day, driving car, fixing car, doing home stuff and even building shit in my house. I don’t have anyone to help me. Only my grandmother but she can’t help me with everything. I am tired. I am almost 22 years old and I took too much on my shoulders. Weight is too much. But do I really have a choice?
I want to read and I want to control those things in my life. They aren’t real and if we all think about it, it’s becoming sadder all the time. Nobody ever loved me as much as fictional characters in my head. Nobody ever treated me this good and kind.
Being Ukrainian is having to accept that you are going to die in a genocide, on the one hand, so that some Vanya from Syzran can drunkenly yell how great of a country russia is, how everyone is finally afraid of it again, before beating his wife half to death, and on the other hand, so that some Jessica from Ohio, who uses a car to get from her living room to her kitchen, can still have cheap petrol.
All while most of the world's activists are either completely silent about this or are cheering this on.
It's been wild watching how far russia is willing to go to justify the genocide in Ukraine. They are willing to use the tragedy and the cold dead bodies of their own civilians to explain why they are killing us. They aren't even good at lying, but somehow it's always enough to make someone believe.
At first they said the terrorists arrived in a car with ukrainian license plates. Then disproved it. They said the terrorists were moving towards the Belarusian border. Then quickly changed that version to the Ukrainian border instead. Apparently, the citizens of Tajikistan recruited by ISIS worked for Ukraine. When putin shits his pants, it's because the Ukrainians forced him to.
Not even a few hours had passed before the russians got to writing on the shells with which they bomb Ukraine that this is their revenge for the Moscow's Crocus Hall. "To the pigs (that's what they call us) for the Crocus Hall"
This is not surprising in the slightest. But it is still wild to see. Russian society is sick. There is nothing sacred for them. No empathy even for their own. No respect for the victims. Everything revolves around one goal: to justify their hatred and their crimes.
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