Buy a carton of heavy whipping cream and add to a cold bowl, use a hand mixer to beat til it’s whipped cream. Keep beating it past whipped stage until the liquids and the solids in your mixture start to separate. It’ll look weird at first; don’t worry, it’s supposed to. This too shall pass. Add a spoonful or two of ice water to your bowl and keep mixing until your butter is one big mass instead of just little flakes in buttermilk.
Put your butter baby into a pouch of cheesecloth, muslin, or several layers of strong paper towels and squeeze that bitch like you want to squeeze the coworker you hate most, until you’ve gotten out as much of the liquid as you can. Then squeeze a little more.
(Removing all the liquid will help keep your butter from going rancid quite so quick.)
Dump out or save your buttermilk (I always dump it because I won’t use it) and clean out the bowl. Add your butter and mix with a little salt to taste. Alternately you can add herbs, honey, or cinnamon sugar. Or you could be a real rebel and leave it unsalted and unflavored. Live your dreams. It’ll still be goddamned delicious.
From there you can add your butter to silicon molds (pack that shit in real tight so there aren’t air pockets) or just put it in a container and let chill. Dab away any buttermilk droplets you might see coming out because you’ll inevitably miss a little. It’s fine. It’ll be okay. Let it hang out in the fridge until it’s gone or otherwise untrustworthy, you’re welcome!
I’m trying to clean my art corner and I found this fucker. I usually like to buy the blick brand of kneaded eraser because I’ve had good luck with them, but these were on sale last year and I bought two? And let me tell you first hand that these are the shittiest kneaded erasers known to man. If you have any love for yourself, your art, your friend’s art, your worst enemy’s art, do not buy this eraser.
anyway i can’t wait for Progressive Shipping ™ to die out as a trend and for people to start being honest about reasons why they ship stuff. idk about you but i’ve never shipped something because it was progressive or subversive or whatever it’s because it spoke to me/moved me/made me feel something or it bolstered my fave’s storyline in the narrative and allowed me to glimpse them in other dimensions.
I bet Jar Jar is fucking hung like a whale. God he can raw me anyday.
I spent like two? Three? Entire weeks with this sitting in my askbox and I just. I got nothing. What could I possibly answer? I tried all the “nope” gifs in this god forsaken website, I tried to draw what my face looks like every time I read this, I tried to find fanart of jar jar with his wang out and the universe was kind enough to me so that I couldn’t find any. I got nothing. Nada. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. What am I gonna say? What in god’s name am I gonna say to that?!
You see, I wanna fuck general grievous. I do. I want him use all his four arms to simultaneously pull both my arms back and touch my tits as he fucks me with his mecha-schlong. I do. I wanna fuck darth Maul, pre-legs cut off or post metal legs+metal dick enhancement. I wanna lick those horns. Okay? I wanna fuck darth vader. Boy, oh, boy, I do. I wanna hear that hard breathing and wrap my legs over that dramatic cape while he force-chokes me and we do the do. Am I a weird robot-fucker? You bet your ass I am! Am I a tad too much on the horny side? Probably. Did I extrapolate my right to be horny on main? Fucking sue me. But this. THIS.
How do you want me to face my family and all the three (3) friends I have irl? How do you want me to walk into an elevator with a bunch of strangers and when an old lady says “the weather has been a little hot lately, isn’t it weird?” just to do small talk like every fucking old people I don’t know do, how do you expect me not to answer her with “y’know what’s weirder, someone at this very moment is thinking about Jar Jar Binks going balls-deep in them and I cannot talk about this to anyone and the knowledge of this? it’s eating me alive. ALIVE, ma’am, and I don’t mean this as some sick vore reference. Someone’s dreaming of those popped-up eyes, of that weird high-pitched voice screaming MEESA COMING while they’re filled up by Jar Jar Bink’s thick seed, and I’m just standing here while this very notion rots me to the core, taking all life away from me. It’s a nightmare. My entire life, a nightmare, because of an anon message from a horny jar jar fucker on tumblr. This is my floor now, ma’am, have a good day”
I leave the elevator. I probably have an appointment, but I can’t remember where, or what for. I sit down on the floor by the elevator doors. I sob for a full minute. I take the elevator back downstairs, I walk home, I collapse in bed and rub one out thinking of darth vader. I feel better.
Five minutes later, I think about this ask again, and my whole world collapses again. It’s only Tuesday. I sigh heavily and sit down to write this reply.-
Edit: a lot of this is exaggeration. Some of it is true. You get to pick what exactly.