studentseyeview-blog

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When a friend or family member has a pregnancy loss

Miscarriages and stillbirths are both types of pregnancy losses. A miscarriage is when the baby dies in the mother's uterus (womb) before 24 completed weeks of pregnancy. A stillbirth is when the baby dies in the mother's uterus after 24 completed weeks of pregnancy. Although it is not a pregnancy loss, a neonatal death is when a baby dies within the first six weeks of life. Pregnancy losses can be devastating, traumatising and life-changing experiences for parents, siblings, family members and friends. Miscarriages and stillbirths aren't normally talked about in society, because they are often seen as 'taboo', but they are more common than people might think. When a friend or family member has a pregnancy loss, it can be difficult to know how to react. You may withdraw and avoid your loved one because you're afraid of saying and doing the wrong things. Or, you may be so eager to help and support your loved one that they begin to feel suffocated and trapped. Both of these can be hurtful to the baby's parents. It's important to find a balance, by letting the parents know that you're there for them, and also giving them privacy so they can grieve for their baby together. The language that you use when comforting someone who has suffered a pregnancy loss is very important. You might say something that you perceive to be innocent and reassuring, but in their shocked and distressed state, could be seen as insensitive to the baby's parents. Here is a list of some helpful comments and phrases that you could say to either a mother or a father who has suffered a loss. - "I'm so sorry about your baby." - "I can't imagine how you're feeling right now." - "If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know." - "This is not your fault." - "Don't be sorry for how you feel." - "If you need to talk, I'm always here to listen." - "It's okay to cry." Here are some examples of things you should avoid saying, and reasons why. - "You can always try again." This may be true, but a new baby cannot replace this one. - "At least you already have one child." Again, each baby is individual and another child cannot make up for the loss. - "Your baby is with God now." The baby's parents may not be religious, and even if they are, their faith may have been shaken after their loss, making them angry or upset with God. - "This is God's will." This will most likely add to the parents' list of unanswered questions: Why would God want to take my baby? Why would God do this to me? - "It was probably for the best." The baby may have had a fatal or severe abnormality, making life outside of the uterus impossible or extremely painful, but saying this will bring little comfort to the parents. They want to believe that their baby was perfect, because he or she was theirs. - "At least it happened before the baby was born and not later down the line." The age of a baby when he or she dies, whether they were born or not, does not determine the level of grief and despair that the parents will feel. It is extremely important that miscarriages are not dismissed or deemed to be less traumatic than stillbirths. - "I know how you feel." Unless you have lost a baby yourself, you cannot possibly understand what the parents are going through. You can empathise with them and share some of their pain, but you will never know how they feel. Here are some things that you could do to support your bereaved loved one: - Listen. Parents who have suffered a pregnancy loss may want to re-tell their story over and over again. They just want to air their feelings, and are not necessarily looking for advice or reassurance. Try to be patient, even if you have heard how angry they were about the care they received ten times already. You don't have to say anything. Just nod in the right places and perhaps hold their hand. - Offer to look after older children for a while. The baby who has died may have had older brothers or sisters, who may or may not understand what is going on. They may feel neglected while all the adults in the family are focusing on things such as arranging the baby's funeral. It's important for them to know that the grown-ups will be very sad for a while, but it's not their fault and they are not to think they have done anything naughty. - Cook a meal. Both parents will probably feel emotionally and physically drained after coming home from the hospital, and may need help with household tasks such as cooking, cleaning and shopping for a few days. - Encourage the parents to get a change of scenery every now and again. When your loved one feels ready to leave the shelter of their home, you could suggest going for a short walk together, or meeting up for a coffee. Whatever you decide, keep the trips short in case your friend or family member becomes tired or upset and wants to go home.

#miscarriage #stillbirth #stillborn #pregnancy #pregnancyloss #neonataldeath #neonatal #grief #bereavement #support #love

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Organ donation - the gift of life

In the UK, there are currently 7410 critically ill people waiting for an organ donation. 1000 of these people will die before this time next year. Most of them are waiting for a new kidney. Others require a new liver, a new heart, new lungs or a new pancreas to stay alive. 90% of British people believe that becoming an organ donor is the right thing to do - but only 30% have signed up to the organ donor register. I signed up to be an organ donor last year when I was eighteen. This was entirely my own decision - I had not discussed the matter with my family, nor asked for anyone's opinion. I only told my loved ones after I had registered. My dad then informed me that he himself was an organ donor, and presented me with a very old and very battered NHS organ donor card that I didn't even know existed. It had been in his wallet for years. The realisation was heartwarming. I carried out lots of research before signing up. Most of my questions were answered by [email protected], which is also where I registered. I found out that you can select what you would like to donate from a list. The list includes organs, such as your kidneys, your heart, your lungs, your liver, your pancreas, your small bowel and your corneas. It also includes tissues, like heart valves, skin, bone, tendons and eyes. You select which organs and tissues you wish to donate, your name is added to the Organ Donor Register, and you are sent an Organ Donor card (the same size as a credit card) in the post. If your organs are still fit for donation after you pass away, they will be matched to a suitable patient in need, and transplanted. If you change your mind about what you would like to donate at any time, you can contact the NHS and they will alter your registration immediately. I chose not to donate any tissue or my corneas. I signed up to donate my kidneys, heart, lungs, liver, pancreas and small bowel. So why donate your organs? Well, answer this question - if you required a life-saving organ transplant, would you accept one? If your answer is yes, maybe you should consider returning the favour. Before I registered, the thought of having my dead body sliced open was daunting. But after watching documentaries and reading articles about how organ donors can not only save, but completely transform the lives of those in need, I soon decided that it was the right thing to do. I'm proud of the Organ Donor card that I carry in my purse. And I pray that when my life ends I'll be saving someone else's. "After all, to the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure." - Albus Dumbledore

#organdonation #organdonor #health #nhs #thewaitinglist

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Eating placenta - FACTS from a student midwife

It's the new trend spreading like wildfire. With celebrities like Kourtney and Kim Kardashian jumping on the bandwagon, it's no wonder that an increasing number of women are choosing to consume their placenta once it has been expelled from their body after giving birth. For those who are unclear about what a placenta is, it is a flat, circular organ that is attached to the inside of a pregnant woman's uterine wall. It connects to the developing fetus via the umbilical cord, which is attached to its belly button. It has two jobs - to provide the growing baby with oxygen and nutrients, and to remove toxins and waste products. A short while after the baby is born, the umbilical cord is usually clamped and cut, and the placenta is expelled and disposed of. However, many mothers are now requesting to keep their placenta, so that they can eat it. It seems like the most popular method of consuming placenta in the showbiz world is to have it dried, chopped up, and compressed into capsules which can be swallowed. Placenta can also be blended into a smoothie, typically with an assortment of fruit. Or, if you're really hardcore, you can simply tear a piece off, right there in the delivery room, and chew it raw, complete with a mouthful of your own blood. The obvious question is "Why?". I've heard many different reasons from many different women about why they chose to eat their placenta. Some say it's "full of nutrients". Others say that it "has natural hormones that prevent postnatal blues". A few argue that animals eat their placenta, so why shouldn't humans? As a student midwife, I can tell you why. There are absolutely no health benefits of eating your placenta, because after it has been expelled from your body, it is dead tissue. Dead. As in, it has ceased to function. And dead tissue is the ideal environment for bacteria to grow. The "nutrients" argument comes up a lot. What these women don't seem to understand is that, as I have previously mentioned, the placenta acts a toxin remover as well as a nutrient provider. Yes, it contains nutrients - but it also contains products that had to be removed from the circulation as they would cause harm to the developing baby. The placenta is a filter - catching all the nasty bugs and only letting the cleanest, purest blood through to the baby. Guess where all those nasty bugs are now? They're still in the placenta. Which you want to eat. Coming round to hormones, it's true that the placenta does contain oestrogen and progesterone, but there is no solid evidence to suggest that eating it prevents postnatal depression. In fact, I recently read an article written by a woman who had decided to eat her placenta in capsule form. She said it had exactly the opposite effect on her - only hours after she consumed her first capsule, she began to feel detached from the world around her and felt miserable and weepy. The next day, she consumed another capsule, and felt even worse. She found it difficult to communicate with her partner, and even more difficult to bond with her baby - all of which are signs of postnatal depression. Her partner suggested the placenta capsules were making her feel like this, but she brushed him off, insisting that placenta was "full of nutrients" and "natural hormones". She consumed several more capsules before one day deciding to stop - and 24 hours later, she felt right as rain, full of confidence and happy to be a mum. Perhaps the toxins in the placenta were making her ill? Onto the third argument, now - animals eat their placenta, so why shouldn't humans? Here's the answer - animals eat their placenta to erase the smell of childbirth from their territory. That way, predators will be unaware that there are newborns to pounce on. They don't eat it because it's natural - they eat it to protect their young. As a student midwife, I would never treat a woman who wanted to eat her placenta differently to a woman who didn't want to eat her placenta - that's discrimination, and goes against the Nursing and Midwifery Council's Code of Conduct. However, I urge all women who are considering eating their placenta to carry out THOROUGH research from RELIABLE sources. Please educate yourselves about the potential dangers before tucking in.

#pregnancy #childbirth #postnatal #postpartum #placenta #eatingplacenta #midwifery #studentmidwife #evidence #motherhood

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Crying kids on public transport - must we grin and bear it?

I get it - babies cry. All babies cry. It is inevitable. Crying is how babies tell their parents that they need something, whether it be a feed, their nappy changed or just some affection. It's their way of communicating. They cry when they are ill; they cry when they are winded; they cry to let the great aunt twice removed know that being bounced on her knee is very uncomfortable and that it's time to be passed back to mum. I get it, I really do. Everyone has been disturbed by the ear-piercing shrieks of a tot when they're on public transport. But nine times out of ten, they settle down within a few minutes, and we all carry on as normal, reading our papers, playing on our tablets, drinking our coffee, and forget it ever happened. Of course, that leaves one time out of ten when an upset infant does not settle down after a few minutes. Sometimes, they don't settle down for almost three hours. Yesterday, I took a train from Edinburgh to Aberdeen - approximately a three hour journey. In the same carriage as myself (and directly in front of my seat) were a family of four - a mother, a father and their two sons. The eldest looked around four years old. The youngest was still a baby, probably about six months. As soon as the train departed from the station, it was like someone had flicked a switch - the baby started crying, getting gradually louder, and did not stop until we were fifteen minutes away from arriving in Aberdeen. I had been looking forward to a peaceful journey during which I would hopefully drift off to sleep with the soft, swaying motions of the train and the repetitive clicks of the train's wheels against the tracks. But it soon became obvious that that was not going to happen. I was sympathetic for the family at first. I'm very fond of babies, and understand that they can act up at the most unfortunate of times. I put in my earphones, and although the baby's cries could still be heard over my music, I did my best to ignore them. But thirty minutes passed, and I watched through the gap between the seats in front of me the disgraceful effort that the parents were making to calm their baby down. A moment on the breast, a few squeaks from a toy rabbit and a quick jiggle standing up was all that mum could muster. Dad, on the other hand, sat still and remained silent. I couldn't believe my eyes. What on Earth were they doing? Did they think it was acceptable to let their baby cry, disrupting the whole carriage, and to not do anything about it? Rock him, sing to him, walk up and down the train with him! But nothing. I took my earphones out and began trying to read a book. The other passengers were getting restless now. Sighs, eye rolls and tuts were all being directed towards the not so flustered parents. It didn't seem to affect them at all. If it was me, I'd be mortified - red in the face, throwing apologies around left, right and centre, while balancing the baby on my hip and singing an appallingly off-key version of Twinkle Twinkle. The baby's wails soon started to upset his brother, and before long the carriage was faced with two crying kids. A little stroke on the head was all the eldest boy received from his mother, as she continued to hold the screaming baby still in her lap. Dad might as well have not been there at all. Forty five minutes later, a woman sitting at the other end of the carriage approached the family. "Would your baby like a sweetie?" she asked, already digging into her handbag. What she really meant to say was, "Haven't you got a dummy you can stick in the kid's mouth?" The expressionless mother said no and informed the woman that her son was teething. The woman had another suggestion. "Is he okay? Maybe you could take him for a walk up and down the train?" Her suggestion was rejected, and the woman walked awkwardly back to her seat. I felt for her. She had very bravely done what most of us would have liked to, but were too scared of putting our foot in it. And so it continued. Eventually Dad took his turn of holding the baby still on his lap, and the eldest boy dried his eyes. I would have gathered my things and moved to another carriage a long time ago, if it wasn't for the fact that my suitcase was gridlocked in the luggage compartment in this one. A little while later, a second woman from the other end of the carriage approached the family. "You really need to do something about your baby," she said. "He's teething," the mother repeated in a monotone voice. "Still, you can hear him all through the carriage and it's upsetting people." At this point, a woman sitting opposite the family put her book down and jumped in. "Leave them alone, it's got nothing to do with you!" The mother then said, "He's teething, what can we do?" The woman went on to list all the suggestions that I have previously mentioned, but was met with the mother's shaking head. With a heavy sigh, the woman retreated to her seat. At long last, fifteen minutes from Aberdeen, the baby fell silent, and I am not ashamed to say that a smile stretched across my face. Should we really have to put up with such ignorant behaviour from parents? I am in no way blaming the baby for crying - I am blaming the shocking reaction from his mother and father. You don't have to be a parent to rhyme off some strategies to calm a crying baby. He received no comfort, no attention, no soothing words from his mother's voice. Three squeaks from the stomach of Peter Rabbit was a good enough substitute, in her opinion. I am glad those women spoke out on behalf of the majority of the passengers. I am glad they decided that enough was enough, and that they weren't going to put up with it any longer. Babies cry, absolutely they do. I accept that. What I cannot and will never accept, is shoddy parenting.

#parenting #public #transport #lifestyle #anecdote #opinion #controversial