Ted Cruz is speaking at my school next week LMAOOOO
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Why I’m still single
Here’s a list of things I did last night that probably scared away any possible suitors.
• talked about how much fish piss me off
•Corn dogs are my second favorite food
•Hot pockets are my first
•I said “if this bar caught fire, I wouldn’t care if all these people here died”
•I kept bringing up cirrhosis
•I was playing Pokémon go at the bar
•I made everyone feel my fringe jacket
•I kept showing everyone the corn dogs in my purse
•When someone asked what I was doing later I said “going to 7/11 and getting hot pockets”
•I had an intense conversation about how much I love Mayo
•I showed them the salt shaker I stole
•I kept putting French songs on touch tunes for everyone to hear
•I told someone “if I’m not dead by the time I’m 30, I’m killing myself”
Theres so many more but it was a long night.
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I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh
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I feel nothing, but I want to feel even less.
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