sleepingbpd

[sleepingbpd]

i hate it when big & good things happen bc it inevitably ends with me wishing someone could share it w me or Care for longer than .02 seconds

in related news, i started testosterone today

#d/ont /rb #not bpd #i need. Attention and Support and for literally Anyone to be excited with or for me

[sleepingbpd]

Congratulations on the engagement!!!💝💝💝💝💝

thank you !!!! 💙💙

[sleepingbpd]

hi i got engaged tonight

#hhhhhell yea

[sleepingbpd]

hi friends i never use this blog anymore i’m sorry

#i should post like. a life update #or something #not bpd #personal #d/ont /rb

[sleepingbpd]

you can have a personality disorder and be loved & in love. it’s possible and very real. never think that you deserve anything less.

#reblogged #positive #ask to tag

[sleepingbpd]

you have this idea in your head that the only time you’re worthy of being loved is when you’re at your best. you’re still worthy of being loved when you’re at your lowest. you’re still worthy of being loved when you don’t want to go on anymore. you are still worthy of being loved even when you don’t love yourself. you are a human and therefore always worthy of being loved and don’t you fool yourself into thinking otherwise. 

#reblogged #positive #hell yea hell yea hell yea

[sleepingbpd]

i got into a car accident on friday night and i’m Still Thinking About it

my best friend was the passenger and if i didn’t have good instincts in terms of driving, he literally would have died. to make things worse, it was a hit and run and i have absolutely no idea where the other driver went. i’m so fucking stressed and overwhelmed and i can’t stop replaying the worst case scenario in my head

#d/ont /rb #not bpd #tw car accident #ask to tag #fuck.

[sleepingbpd]

hey quick question am i ever gonna not wanna kill myself

#suicide tw #bpd #actuallybpd #actually borderline #bordeline personality disorder #im not gonna fully tag this bc im dead inside #but yea. #ask to tag #original

[sleepingbpd]

bpd traits but not enough to be full blown bpd i literally want to die what the fuck is wrong with me if it’s not bpd

#i may have to get rid of this blog.

[sleepingbpd]

yo ok i have an update bc we Talked some more and it turns out there were Other, Ickier Circumstances and while i’m still incredibly pissed and he’s gonna have to grovel for a While,,,, i understand now and holy shit i’m significantly less upset

so apparently my boyfriend (and fp) cheated on me.

#eeeeewwwwwwwwww

[sleepingbpd]

this isn’t him and i can’t stop thinking about it and i don’t know what to do what am i supposed to do here

so apparently my boyfriend (and fp) cheated on me.

#dont rb #i cant close my eyes without thinking about it #ive been crying on and off for over 7 hours now #fuck

[sleepingbpd]

so apparently my boyfriend (and fp) cheated on me.

[sleepingbpd]

i read up on bpd some more because i’m getting my feedback on monday and my insecure ass is terrified that i don’t actually have bpd but even the things i was afraid dismissed it as a diagnosis were listed as symptoms so ???? fuck

#i didnt ?? realize that refusing to be visibly angry was a Thing ???? #i thought that was unrelated #but apparently it stems from growing up under abusive circumstances and Refusing to follow the same path #and is a low key self destructive thing bc not standing up for yoursef leads to being treated poorly and. wow #yea if they say anything other than bpd im gonna seek another opinion #delete later

[sleepingbpd]

people always talk about the moment of clarity when everything Clicks and they choose recovery and never look back

but i’ve had that moment more times than i can count and it never, ever sticks. i’m starting to wonder if it ever will

#bpd #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #actually borderline #actually bpd #bordeline personality disorder #original #negative #idk i see everyone else improving and i feel like im drowning #ask to tag #ok to rb

[sleepingbpd]

one of my friends got diagnosed w bpd and one of my first reactions was "what the fuck that's MY disease" and if that's not the most bpd thing ever idk what is

#reblogged #negative #a Mood #ask to tag

[sleepingbpd]

So, I have this thing where I don't trust my own feelings "am I really that happy or am I faking it?" I constantly question myself throughout the day, so much so that sometimes during "intimate times" with my partner, I find myself asking "am I REALLY ready to cum?" "Am I making my body tense up and shake like that?" "Who am I even faking this for, me or them?" I guess I was just wondering if this is a BPD thing because it is extremely frustrating and I can't even trust my own f*cking orgasm.

Honestly that sounds more like anxiety or a separate issue? I haven’t personally experienced that side of things so I could be wrong, but it does sound anxiety-related. I hope you figure it out soon :^(

[sleepingbpd]

Hey so my fp didn't respond for twelve hours and I got like super worried and then get really upset at me for getting worried and I just don't know if I'm a good person bc i think they should care about me being worried and upset and I spend alot of time splitting over them and ughg me relationship with them is more of a friend's with benefits sort of set up and it's just stressing me out

It’s definitely not great that they were annoyed at you for being worried, it’s not your fault they didn’t respond. But perhaps it would help to keep in mind that some people do get busy or forget to reply to things and that it doesn’t mean they hate you/they’re dead?Or! If you have a good base in terms of communication, my favorite advice for situations like this is the Emoji Code(tm): pick an emoji and assign a meaning to it. It could be anything from “yo I’m too busy to talk today, I’ll let you know when I’m free” to “I love you but I need some space for a little while, please don’t take it personally” to “hey I’m in a crisis and really need you to answer me as soon as you see this” and everything in between. I’m really sorry things are so rocky with this person, that sucks. I hope you figure(d?) it out! 💙