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I think I can answer that.

I run a meme gimmick Custodes larp account on twitter, with a tomboy Custodes muse that’s a Tzeentchian daemon in disguise. The actual muse change was quite recent, although a running gag on the account was tomboy Custodes. The joke was like an year old, and it was because I’m irl a tomboy and everyone is just so…surprised to find out. 

The reason behind the entire Tzeentchian Custodes muse switch is because I’m a sucker for forgetting spells(I’m a hughe fan of the False Hydra for instance), because I lowkey already had a Tzeentch daemon OC I wanted to show off, and also because it fit the account’s themes and I wanted to play into the angle. 

There’s nothing political to do with it. I simply found it funny, and very fitting for the account in question.

I don’t intend to make it dismissive of female Custodes, just that I liked the concept, and wanted to see it in action. I also haven’t seen anyone actually using it to be dismissive of female Custodes, but when someone inevitably takes it as that on one of my posts, I do try my best to be patient and explain the context. (Hasn’t stopped me from getting a sharp uptick in blocks though, oof)

Okay maybe I don’t get it, but is anyone else kind of uncomfortable and bothered by the whole meme/theory of female Custodes being implanted by Tzeentch?

I like the concept of a silly “retcon” (which is not what female Custodians are) actually being the work of Tzeentch. But… guys please pick literally anything else, I’m begging!

It just makes it feel like the conservative theory of “woke” infiltration of their oh so sacred hobby, feel like it has legs to stand on. I’ve seen cool art and narratives about the concept and I know many people don’t intend for it to be taken as an insult.. but something about buying into it makes me not want to interact.

#warhammer 40000 #wh40k #wh40000 #adeptus custodes #female custodes

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The entire Palace Duel scene between Valdor and Ushotan was literally an intense therapy session except with swords.

#constantin valdor #ushotan #adeptus custodes #custodes #warhammer 40k #thunder warriors #warhammer #wh40k

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I have 6 lore docs about Valdor and then here you come and run over me like a Ork riding a squig tank.

(Shamelessly stolen from Twitter)

Fun fact.

Valdor explicitly refers to the Custodes Order as “he” and calls them “his brothers” during Valdor: Birth of the Imperium. He explicitly implies all Custodes are male. In the *exact same book*, he proclaims that he has perfect recall.

GW says that there have always been female Custodes, since the first of the Ten Thousand. 

Ergo, clearly Valdor has Space Dementia, as he failed to remember his sisters!

#i will never physically recover from this #lmao #constantin valdor #great amounts of emotional damage were dealt

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(Shamelessly stolen from Twitter)

Fun fact.

Valdor explicitly refers to the Custodes Order as “he” and calls them “his brothers” during Valdor: Birth of the Imperium. He explicitly implies all Custodes are male. In the *exact same book*, he proclaims that he has perfect recall.

GW says that there have always been female Custodes, since the first of the Ten Thousand. 

Ergo, clearly Valdor has Space Dementia, as he failed to remember his sisters!

#adeptus custodes #female custodes #constantin valdor #wh40k #warhammer 40k #custodes #warhammer

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Clearly in Warhammer the equivalent of “youthful” is “enraged 60-year old grandpa”.

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

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WHAT DID I JUST READ.

I CAN'T EVEN CANONICALLY DISPUTE THIS.

I HAVE FOUR LORE DOCS ABOUT VALDOR AND I CAN'T EVEN SAY YOU'RE WRONG.

@sculptorofcrimson IS THIS YOUR ALT?!?!

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

#constantin valdor #this is canon #help

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Say that again about my babygirl and I will….pull up 6 lore sources agreeing with you.

Valdor is a fed.

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

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This post reached through my screen and killed me. 

I have four docs about Valdor and one essay, and seven different paragraphs dissecting how he acts as a foil to enact narrative themes of duty upon, and now YOU come along and sum it up in one sentence.

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

#omg #it's me fr

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Valdor does have an youthful face and learn features, if Kandawire's description is to be believed.

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

#source: birth of the Imperium #I can drag out actual lore quotes if you want

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This discourse psychically reached out and grabbed the soul of this Valdor-nerd and physically threw me out of a window.

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

#i don't even know what to say #I've spent so long writing up a dissertation on whether or not Valdor actually IS a twink or not that I didn't stop to think if I should

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Fun fact!

Valdor canonically has an youthful face, lean features, a dancer's bearing! But he's also quite well built, so I'd say he's a twunk at most.

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

#I have the sources in my blog #do not question me on this #I LITERALLY HAVE FOUR DOCS FOCUSED ON VALDOR

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@sculptorofcrimson ... I had a "but I can make him worse" thought.

It's dependent on the lore but what if Valdors... Darling? Captive? Obsession was actually a small shard of the Emperor.

I legit just got off of work and have been wanting to propose this like since I thought it.

#my document is LITERALLY too weak to handle all the times the Custodes simped for the Emperor #the power of the simp is too strong

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I am going to read it out of spite! >:)

@sculptorofcrimson ... I had a "but I can make him worse" thought.

It's dependent on the lore but what if Valdors... Darling? Captive? Obsession was actually a small shard of the Emperor.

I legit just got off of work and have been wanting to propose this like since I thought it.

#All Custodes simp for the Emperor is canon #The source is I made it up #Actually I do have sources #But there's so many sources it's overloading my lore doc

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I explained it more in one of my other posts, but "Valdor is a twink"....may be a little based in canon. He's described as youthful in Birth of the Imperium, but he'll always be an old man to me.

"He stood with a dancer’s bearing, the unconscious poise that all of the Order shared, ready, at the prompt of a thought, to mobilise all that spectacular gene magick and biomancy into a whirl of destructive action, but for now still, held together, dormant. He turned, exposing his face. It was lean, a soft collection of taut lines." -BoTI, 24, part of Valdor's description

"The man before her – if he could even be called a man – was comfortably twice her height. The outline of his body, visible under the linen of his robes, looked so unyielding it might just as well have been rockcrete. Their chairs were almost comically out of proportion – hers modest, his carved like a Gyptian faraoh’s. The disparity was so enormous that, after a while, it ceased to be noticeable. Of all of it, though, his face was the most unsettling thing. She had never witnessed him truly up-close before, and certain expectations became hard to sustain. He did not have the kind of face she expected – it was slim, with youthful lines. His head was shaved, exposing a small augmetic bead high up on the right side. Like everything else about him, it was understated, exquisitely formed. He waited for her to speak again, holding himself perfectly still. It was hard to detect whether his chest was even moving enough to account for the drawing in of oxygen." - Birth of the Imperium, 40, Kandawire seeing Valdor.

Bonus:

"Soon they were all gone, along with Kandawire’s bodyguards, leaving her alone in a marble-floored chamber of white stone walls. Late afternoon sun filtered in through narrow windows, designed to look like enlarged arrow-slits. The architecture was monolithic, like some fortress or castle from the forgotten past. There were no pictures, no ornaments, no fountains or decorative plants. The entire space was cold, pale, flat and unreflective.

Set in the heart of the floor, before the largest set of windows, were two seats facing one another. The one on the left was of human dimensions, and stood empty. The one on the right was twice the size, and was occupied." - Birth of the Imperium, 32, Valdor's room being literally....empty. He doesn't even have a fucking bed canonically. It's literally not even mentioned as having anything. He learned modern decor.

And a slight note.

Valdor canonically may be less broad than Leman and Ushotan and possibly many more Primarchs(he is smaller than a few Primarchs, for sure), but he's still muscular. He's just....not very much a barbarian warlord, and a little leaner than one can expect.

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

#constantin valdor #i have a lore essay about this #i can and will pull out the archives #I'm not even done ALL of the Valdor books yet #BUT I WILL COLLECT THEM ALL #you have summoned the Valdor obsesser #now behold the consequences

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literary essay time...

@sculptorofcrimson ... I had a "but I can make him worse" thought.

It's dependent on the lore but what if Valdors... Darling? Captive? Obsession was actually a small shard of the Emperor.

I legit just got off of work and have been wanting to propose this like since I thought it.

#Valdor does simp for the Emperor #And this is literally canon #lemme drag out the lore excerpts... #if anything is lore inaccurate I WILL RIOT #if anything EVEN REMOTELY EXPANDS on Custodes lore I WILL SCREAM IN JOY AND COMBUST #AAAAAAA

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"He stood with a dancer’s bearing, the unconscious poise that all of the Order shared, ready, at the prompt of a thought, to mobilise all that spectacular gene magick and biomancy into a whirl of destructive action, but for now still, held together, dormant. He turned, exposing his face. It was lean, a soft collection of taut lines." -BoTI, 24, part of Valdor's description

"The man before her – if he could even be called a man – was comfortably twice her height. The outline of his body, visible under the linen of his robes, looked so unyielding it might just as well have been rockcrete. Their chairs were almost comically out of proportion – hers modest, his carved like a Gyptian faraoh’s. The disparity was so enormous that, after a while, it ceased to be noticeable. Of all of it, though, his face was the most unsettling thing. She had never witnessed him truly up-close before, and certain expectations became hard to sustain. He did not have the kind of face she expected – it was slim, with youthful lines. His head was shaved, exposing a small augmetic bead high up on the right side. Like everything else about him, it was understated, exquisitely formed. He waited for her to speak again, holding himself perfectly still. It was hard to detect whether his chest was even moving enough to account for the drawing in of oxygen." - Birth of the Imperium, 40, Kandawire seeing Valdor.

"Soon they were all gone, along with Kandawire’s bodyguards, leaving her alone in a marble-floored chamber of white stone walls. Late afternoon sun filtered in through narrow windows, designed to look like enlarged arrow-slits. The architecture was monolithic, like some fortress or castle from the forgotten past. There were no pictures, no ornaments, no fountains or decorative plants. The entire space was cold, pale, flat and unreflective.

Set in the heart of the floor, before the largest set of windows, were two seats facing one another. The one on the left was of human dimensions, and stood empty. The one on the right was twice the size, and was occupied." - Birth of the Imperium, 32, Valdor's room being literally....empty. He doesn't even have a fucking bed canonically.

And a slight note.

Valdor canonically may be less broad than Leman and Ushotan and possibly many more Primarchs(he is smaller than a few Primarchs, for sure), but he's still muscular. He's just....not very much a barbarian warlord, and a little leaner than one can expect.

Also, fun fact.

The Birth of the Imperium portrait of him is not entirely correct.

They got his portrait wrong for his own fucking book.

Why?

Because this: "His head was shaved, exposing a small augmetic bead high up on the right side."

The bead they got correct, but he has a mohawk. However, it says his head is shaved. Well, maybe they didn't mean "full out shaved"? Like, mohawk shaved?

Well... then there's this Remembrancer portrait of him, where his head is actually shaved.

He, unfortuantely, doesn't have the bead. But does look much younger, which he is canonically described as in text.

So the truth is probably somewhere between those two. Although it would be really fucking funny if his own book didn't even get his face correct.

"Constantin Valdor is a twink"

me:

im sorry but he looks like he'd call me a slur at 7/11

#constantin valdor #you're welcome #i bear lore sources #they got his fucking hairstyle wrong #i am going to kill him #warhammer 40k #adeptus custodes #I HAVE THREE LORE DOCS ABOUT VALDOR #AND ONE ESSAY #DO NOT FIGHT ME ON THIS I WILL BREAK THE GENEVA CONVENTION FOR MEMES

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Okay, OKAY, lemme edit it a bit...

@sculptorofcrimson ... I had a "but I can make him worse" thought.

It's dependent on the lore but what if Valdors... Darling? Captive? Obsession was actually a small shard of the Emperor.

I legit just got off of work and have been wanting to propose this like since I thought it.

#I MUST FIND SOURCES FOR ALL OF IT #I MUST HAVE IT BASED ON CANON #it's literally about why Ushotan's death is so sad #But it's like 1.5k words long