roslingoblin

[roslingoblin]

I've been sitting with my inner thoughts too long, they're developing their own separate tangent thought and it's getting crowded in here.

[roslingoblin]

I just had the best idea:

Tea leaf readings, but for diarrhea!

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I have been sick for a week and a half send help LOL

[roslingoblin]

If you never have to trim your calluses with sharp things, are you really even a goblin?

#goblin culture #goblincore #goblin #goblin girl #lol #funny #goblin vibes #unintelligible goblin noises

[roslingoblin]

if she’s YOUR girl, why’s she using MY crafting table?

I’m not saying she is a slut, I’m just saying her spawn point isn’t set to her own bed very often.

[roslingoblin]

You know how vtubers have redeems where a bunch of candy/dolls/dice/items are suddenly thrown at their head?

*thwap thwap thwap thwap thwap thwap thwap*

#funny #lol #vtuber #memes #moose

[roslingoblin]

FML lmfao

Ever rolled a natural 1 on an entire 24 hours?

*twists ankle

*bans transphobic fuckwad

*dog rolls in feces

*dog forgets ALL SERVICE DOG TRAINING EVER because POOP is EXCITING

*how chase dog with twisted ankle in 90+ degrees

*cat won't stop taunting poop dog

💩💩💩

[roslingoblin]

[roslingoblin]

Let me do it for you

#glaceon #fanart #let me do it for you #herp derp #classically trained oil painter making shitposts on the internet

[roslingoblin]

I made a terrible decision.

Its... 3:30am and I'm finally winding down for bed, right? I go to brush my teeth. As soon as the toothbrush is in my mouth I realize I should try to pee again so I figure fuck it, I won't die if I pee with a toothbrush in my mouth.

The first mistake was pulling up my "literally lold" board on Pinterest (which interestingly enough is 90% pinned Tumblr screenshot) and asking Pinterest to show me similar shit. The criteria for being added to this board is I must actually physically laugh.

And I occasionally absently brush my teeth because that's what you do when a toothbrush is in your mouth even if you're trying not to because you can't spit at that time. So foam is building steadily in my mouth and I'm reading shit that's designed to make me personally laugh, so my mouth is getting hella tight trying not to open enough to laugh or smile too much because the foam is really putting pressure on my cheeks at this point.

Then I feel it. Pressure building. No, I don't just need to pee; these are leftover problem pressure levels.

You see, I've been frequenting the porcelain throne an awful lot this week. I'm drinking enough water to compensate but the Hershey's Squirts have been hella fucking me over. I thought it was all done.

I was wrong.

Did you know your mouth contorts in all kinds of interesting ways during a bowel movement?

I didn't know that. Or at least never noticed it before tonight.

So this gnawing tightness of I NEED TO EXPLODE, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW hits my ass and there I am trying to hold in as much minty foam as possible in my mouth AND not laugh at humor specifically targeted towards me AND not move my face too much while trying to figure out which direction to wiggle to let my poor colon finish opening the valve to the great fudgeline and at this point I'm damn near in tears

The gurgling

THE GURGLING

Don't ask me why I didn't at least put the phone down I was so focused on not spitting tooth paste and trying to unkink whatever remaining chunk there was in my intestines I was just happy for a mild distraction from the discomfort. Because at this point my cheeks were physically painful from tightness, like someone popped an alkaseltzer in my mouth and made a bet with me not to swallow or spill.

Then the load finally hit the exit point

And I gotta tell you

You use way more of your face when relieving your colon than you think.

My entire face contorts and all I can do is friggin freeze and PRAY

I need the right stuff to come out and the right stuff to stay in and what the fuck else happens I do. Not. Care.

I just kept shitting. I thought I had finished relieving myself and then more kept coming out. There were tears.

Gotta tell you I just heard someone going into the same bathroom 20 minutes later and I held my breath. Because I flushed several times and cleaned the area afterwards but I was not sure I'd actually gotten everything.

My asshole is raw. My mouth is raw. My cheeks ache, on both ends. Pretty sure I thumb rolled some trash onto that Pinterest board during my efforts.

Even my dog sniffed my butt in concern when joining me on the bed. "Uh, mom? You okay? This smells a little bit *extra* right now."

So the moral of the story is:

If you realize you need to use the toilet while brushing your teeth, put the fucking toothbrush down and spit first. Do one gods-damned thing at a time.

OR ELSE.

#diarrhea #toilet humor

[roslingoblin]

journal - 1st Fansly subscriber

okay I am CACKLING

I am still setting up fansly, there is literally just a single picture up, and someone already subscribed!

And Gobbie Lynne both retweeted my fan art and is now following me!!!

I AM SCREAMING

#journal

[roslingoblin]

Nice

nice

#funny #funny content #funnyshit #funny pics #lol #lolz #snickers

[roslingoblin]

#funny memes #funny #humor #lol #haha #raccoon #goblin culture

[roslingoblin]

Sketched my goblin friend for their birthday~!

#goblin art #goblin #goblincore #sketch #doodle #shibari #ropeplay #ropebondage

[roslingoblin]

okay I'm legitimately new to tumblr, most of my understanding of tumblr is repinning funny shit on Pinterest that originally came from here lmao

def gobbo girl tho

#goblin #goblin art #goblin girl