redcloversmind

[redcloversmind]

suddenly i'm 14 again.

cutting up a tin can,

lord knows it's sharp enough when the scissor aren't anymore.

i'm out of control.

#actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #please don't go #chronic illness #bpd life #bpd feels #bpd fp #chronic pain #tw selfhate #dumb blonde #addiction

[redcloversmind]

nobody wants the burn-put party girl.

#actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #please don't go #chronic illness #bpd life #bpd feels #bpd fp #chronic pain #addiction #narcotics anonymous #alcoholics anonymous #dumb blonde

[redcloversmind]

it is a hard thing but it is a good thing.

#keep going #actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #bpd life #bpd feels #bpd fp

[redcloversmind]

i didn't even know i was being that awful. is this the part of mental health issues i never saw in myself before? the complete lack of awareness? the lack of understanding that was hurting people?

#actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #please don't go #bpd life #bpd feels #bpd fp

[redcloversmind]

[redcloversmind]

was 10 enough?

[[no.]]

whore.

#actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #please don't go #bpd life #bpd feels #bpd fp

[redcloversmind]

3 wasn't enough for you? three?

god.

#actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #please don't go #bpd life #bpd fp #bpd feels

[redcloversmind]

i can't do anything right.

even i know that.

#actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #please don't go #chronic illness #chronic pain #bpd life #bpd feels #bpd fp

[redcloversmind]

i was too much i was too much i was too much i was too much i was too much i was too much i was too much i was too much i was too much i was too much i was too much again.

i'm so sorry.

#actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #please don't go #bpd life #bpd feels #bpd fp

[redcloversmind]

i refuse to forgive you

perhaps, if i do not, we will meet again before god

......,.,,,,,...

i'd rather rot in hell than never see you again.

#trying to heal #please don't go #bpd fp #borderline personality disorder #actually bpd #actually borderline #bpd life #bpd feels

[redcloversmind]

i feel only secure, good, comfortable when people are sad around me. when i get to comfort them. of course i am also sad for them, i still feel empathy. but when i am comforting a person i love it's the only time i feel truly helpful. truly gentle. kind. good. i do not consider myself a kind person otherwise. i swear i want to be. desperately.

i only ever feel good when i can heal someone else.

#trying to heal #please don't go #bpd

[redcloversmind]

someone please help me get away

#actually bpd #trying to heal #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #please don't go #chronic pain #chronic illness #bpd life #bpd feels #bpd fp

[redcloversmind]

bpd feels like sonnie's edge

#actually bpd #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #bpd life #i'm afraid #do you get it #do you get it now

[redcloversmind]

"if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" babe slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

[redcloversmind]

scared that I truly am unlovable

[redcloversmind]

Falling asleep in your arms is one of my favourite things, I wish you wouldn't deprive me of it

[redcloversmind]

brain going bananas fr, i just want to be loved