VEGGIETALES parody:Ā āVegemorphā
Archibald Asparagus- Dr. Jonathan Chase
Annie Onion- Teresa Chase
Larry the Cucumber/Larry-Boy- Nightman
Chief Scallion- Jack The Ripper
BOB: Hey, kids, welcome to Veggietales! Iām Bob the Tomato!
LARRY: And Iām Larry the Cucumber!
BOB: And weāre here to help! *pulls out letter*
LARRY: Hey, Bob, whatāve you got there?
BOB: We got a letter here from a girl named Jennifer
LARRY: Didnāt we already get a letter from her last week concerning her friend Allison? They had trouble getting along?
BOB: Thatās not really important right now.
LARRY: It sure seems a lot goes around NJ.
BOB: Larry, I think you meanĀ āhappens around.ā
LARRY: Sorry.
BOB: No need to apologize. We donāt always say what we mean.
LARRY: Yeah, I know. Whatās going on here?
BOB: Sheās writing about her Dad. She says she loves him dearly, but doesnāt always see eye-to-eye with him about certain issues. Shortly after being rejected by Allison, they had a squabble about, well...
LARRY: About what?
BOB: She doesnāt want to talk about it.
ARCHIBALD: *offscreen* Well, surely I can be of assistance here!
LARRY: Whoās that?
BOB: Sounds like Archibald to me.
LARRY: Archie?
BOB: Yes, Larry, he does these things. Let me go see what heās up to-
*Bob bounces up to look for ARCHIBALD.*
ARCHIBALD: *coming up to the tabletop* Yes, itās me Archibald, your friendly neighborhood asparagus. This young lady is having problems with her father, I presume?
BOB: Well...yeah.
ARCHIBALD: Well, Iāve heard of him. Quite fond of his work!
BOB: Wha-?
ARCHIBALD: How can I resist a man who makes a living studying about my culture? Now, I have a little something they might be interested in.
BOB: What is it?
ARCHIBALD: Oh, just a little something we Gen-Xerās are fond of.
LARRY: Gen- what- errss?
BOB: Is it Monty Python?
ARCHIBALD: No, this one is a tad more obscure. Couldnāt last one season, ha! It featured a vegetable who could turn into plants to fight crime. Now, thatās not quite how I remember it-
BOB: I see. Now, can we PLEASE roll the show?
ARCHIBALD: Well, if you insist. Roll film!
*Show begins with a scene readingĀ āVegemorph,ā then abruptly cuts to CHIEF SCALLION terrorizes a defenseless young leak. In a fit of fury, ARCHIBALD transforms into a series of vines- accepting defeat, CHIEF SCALLION immediately leaves the scene. Dusting himself off, ARCHIBALD transforms back into his normal self.*
ARCHIBALD: Ah! What a night. And to think I almost missed my daughter Jessicaās graduation.
*The scene abruptly cuts to Jessica-as-Annieās graduation. Sheās trying to enjoy herself, but looks apprehensive as she notices the abscence of her father. The film focuses on LARRY, who is videotaping the whole scene.*
LARRY: So here we have my friend Jessica, ready to graduate from a school with monkey bars- AHHH!
*Suddenly, LARRY trips and falls, bringing down the video camera with him. The other vegetables say nothing, but merely look in disgust, including ANNIE.*
ANNIE: This never wouldāve happened if Dad was here.
*Suddenly, Annie pulls out her flip phone to call her father, which immediately goes to voicemail, much to her annoyance.*
ARCHIBALD: Hello, itās me Jonathan. Please leave a message after the *BEEP.*
ANNIE: Dad, where are you right now? This is my graduation, and youāre missing it!
*Scene cuts to a proud-looking Archibald in the city, when suddenly, his phone goes off.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear, it looks as though my cellular device has gone off. Hope I havenāt missed anything too important!
*Scene cuts to ARCHIBALD checking out his cell phone, when suddenly, his daughterās angry voicemail starts playing.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear. It looks as though Iāve missed my daughterās graduation. Perhaps I could use this crystal to teleport myself there-
*Suddenly, LARRY THE CUCUMBER comes onto the scene.*
LARRY: Whatās that you got there?
ARCHIBALD: Um, who are you, if I may ask?
LARRY: Oh, me? Donāt you remember me? Iām Larryboy. If you donāt recognize me, itās because Iāve made a few modifications to my suit.
ARCHIBALD: Pardon?
LARRY: Iāve made a few modifications so that I can tune into the frequency of evil. That means I can hear evil thoughts.
ARCHIBALD: I see. How did you come into possession of this? And how might you use this for the good of the world?
LARRY: First off, itās a long story. Second of all, you see that seemingly normal guy over there?
*LARRY points at CHIEF SCALLION, who has a seemingly nonchalant look on his face.*
ARCHIBALD: Youāre a vegetable, you canāt point. I canāt see what youāre doing.
LARRY: Oh, sorry. Well, as it turns out, heās rotten to the core. Just like the Bad Apple!
ARCHIBALD: Yes, Iām well aware of that. Got into an entanglement with him earlier.
LARRY: Oh, okay then.
ARCHIBALD: Very well then. Now, if youāll excuse me, Iāve missed one of my daughterās engagements. Iām sure sheās very disappointed in me right now.
LARRY: Yeah, I was just there, trying to film it.
ARCHIBALD: You- what? But how on earth can you be in two places at once?
LARRY: Iām Larryboy, I can do these things, okay?
ARCHIBALD: I see. Well, I better get going. Toodle-oo!
*LARRY says nothing, but merely looks at him, flabbergasted. Film cuts to a gymnasium, empty except for ARCHIBALD and ANNIE, the latter has a disgusted look on her face.
ARCHIBALD: Why, hello there, my dear.
ANNIE: You really shouldāve been there, Dad.
ARCHIBALD: Now, Jessica, you know your father loves you and wants to be there for you, itās just that his work makes it quite daunting for him to be there at the time.
ANNIE: Dad, it was my elementary school graduation. Iām not a little girl anymore, you should know that.
ARCHIBALD: Yes, sweetheart, but-
ANNIE: We should talk about this at home.
*Scene cuts to ANNIE and ARCHIBALD riding in the car, giving each other the silent treatment, then abruptly at ARCHIBALDās mansion.*
ANNIE: Dad.
ARCHIBALD: Yes?
ANNIE: We need to talk.
ARCHIBALD: Well, okay then. What might be troubling you?
ANNIE: It seems as though your work has always infringed upon my life and made things worse for me.
ARCHIBALD: Look, sweetheart, if ever my work has troubled you, Iām sorry. Now, if youāll excuse me, I have some business to attend to-
*ANNIE pulls a blanket over her head, and abruptly goes to sleep.*
ANNIE: Good-night, Dad.
*ARCHIBALD closes the door with a slight smile on his face.*
ARCHIBALD: Goodnight, darling. I love you dearly. My, sheās such a lovely girl.
*ARCHIBALD then leaves the scene to talk to LARRY, who is sitting on the couch.*
ARCHIBALD: Ah! I canāt believe Iāve forgotten about my guests. Yes, please make yourself at home.
LARRY: Now, about these cool powers- whereād you get them?
ARCHIBALD: Funny you should ask. Throughout my studies, Iāve become enamoured with the connection between vegetable and plant, and transformed myself into a specimen powerful enough to transcend those barriers, through a little secret I have here.
LARRY: Oh, cool! Can I look?
ARCHIBALD: Iām afraid this book contains secrets vegetable was not meant to know.
LARRY: But...you know about this.
ARCHIBALD: Thatās not the point. The point is, throughout my studies, Iāve attempted to change the outcome of-
LARRY: Outcome of what?
ARCHIBALD: You didnāt let me finish my sentence.
LARRY: Oh sorry.
ARCHIBALD: Thatās quite alright. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. In my attempts to bend history Iāve unleased a huge monster in the middle of history!
LARRY: He looks pretty normal-sized to.
ARCHIBALD: I meant that metaphorically-speaking.
LARRY: Isnāt there going to be a part where he transforms into a huge monster?
ARCHIBALD: Very funny.
*Suddenly, ANNIE comes downstairs.*
ANNIE: Whatās going on here?
ARCHIBALD: Oh, donāt mind me. Just talking with a friend.
ANNIE: It sounds like youāre doing more than just talking with a friend.
ARCHIBALD: Well then it is, isnāt it? In that case, itās time for you to go to bed...the sun has gone to bed and so must you...Goodnight, dear.
LARRY: I donāt mean to pry, but who was that girl you were talking to?
ARCHIBALD: Oh, her? Thatās my daughter, Jessica. Sheās been quite stingy at times. With evil men following her, who could blame her?
LARRY: Wha-?
ARCHIBALD: Never mind, itās too elaborate for me to explain it to you.
*Scene cuts to ANNIE looking overheard, ARCHIBALD lurches toward her.*
ARCHIBALD: Now, Jessica, time for bed, there will be plenty of time for this in the morning.
ANNIE: Seriously Dad, can you explain this to me?
ARCHIBALD: Iāll explain in the morning, when youāre older, darling.
ANNIE: *talking behind door* Um...I am older.
ARCHIBALD: Where was I? Oh, yes. In my studies, IĀ āve done plenty of expereimenting, experimenting on plants, experimenting on myself, experimenting on time, etc. etc.
LARRY: I guess I do-
*Suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION appears in the window with a devious look on his face. The film cuts to LARRY and ARCHIBALDās reactions, the former screams.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear.
SCALLION: Why, hello there, Professor. Didnāt expect to see you here with your little friend.
LARRY: Hey, nobody calls me his little friend!
SCALLION: Oh, thatās adorable.
ARCHIBALD: No one calls him that either.
SCALLION: Anyway, youāre probably wondering why someone like me would come out of the blue, unexpected. Itās quite simple, really.
LARRY: Thatās funny. My friend Archibald was explaining it to me just now.
SCALLION: Well, perhaps I could re-explain it to you and your little friend-
ARCHIBALD: Now, this is something Iāve warned aboutĀ before-
SCALLION: I see. Now, if youāll excuse me-
*Suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION leaves the scene, which results in ANNIE screaming. Film cuts to ARCHIBALDās reaction.
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear. What was that? I heard a noise.
*Scene cuts to ARCHIBALD noticing that ANNIE has been kidnapped by CHIEF SCALLION. In a fit of fury, he starts to transform in a fit of vines to entrap CHIEF SCALLION, while ANNIE looks over a ledge.*
ANNIE: Dad? Where are you, and whatās going on here?
*Scene cuts to CHIEF SCALLION trying to chase ARCHIBALD with a knife.*
SCALLION: Oh, nothing. Iām just trying to stop this beanbag here.
ANNIE: I always knew my dadās life was weird.
ARCHIBALD: I heard that, sweetheart.
ANNIE: Um...sorry, Dad.
*The film immediately cuts to ARCHIBALD and ANNIE walking to a party.*
ANNIE: Can I get a new dress? This one is really annoying and itchy.
ARCHIBALD: Now, Jessica, this is a very important event for your father. Hopefully there arenāt any hooligans running around.
*The film cuts to an Opera Singer singing.*
OPERA SINGER: You donāt know how it feels when you see me there...
Suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION appears out of the blue.
CHIEF SCALLION: Her great-grandmother escaped from my clutches. But surely, this one will be ripe for the plucking--
*Suddenly, SCALLION jumps up to kidnap OPERA SINGER, much to the shock of everyone, including ARCHIBALD and ANNIE.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh dear.
*Suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION drops OPERA SINGER and goes to talk to ARCHIBALD.*
CHIEF SCALLION: Why, hello there, Professor. What might you be doing here?
ARCHIBALD: What might you be doing here, dear sir?
CHIEF SCALLION: I snuck into your taxi while you were coming here. Hope you donāt mind.
ARCHIBALD: You did?
CHIEF SCALLION: Yes, I did.
*Scene cuts to ARCHIBALD in his taxi, when suddenly, CHIEF SCALLION jumps out.*
CHIEF SCALLION: Didnāt expect to see me here, didnāt you?
ARCHIBALD: I can tell you exactly where to go.
*Scene cuts to the present day.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh...right.
CHIEF: In any case, thank you for the free lift, Professor!
*CHIEF SCALLION abruptly leaves the scene. The film cuts to ARCHIBALD talking to LARRY.*
LARRY: Your squabbleās that bad?
ARCHIBALD:Ā āFraid so.
LARRY: Why does this guy hate you, anyway? Did you eat all of his cheese puffs or something?
ARCHIBALD: Iām afraid it goes much deeper than that. In that case, we should probably get a move-on- wait, whereās Jessica?
*Scene immediately cuts to ANNIE with CHIEF SCALLION.*
SCALLION: Your daddy canāt hear you now, darling!
LARRY: *offscreen* Oh, but I can.
SCALLION: #1: Pardon?
LARRY: Um...my new superpower lets me tune into the frequency of evil. Not sure why- there isnāt a lot of time to explain here. Just...let me work out the logistics here...
*The scene focuses on LARRY as he tries to focus on SCALLION.*
SCALLION #1: Can we hurry up here? I havenāt all day
LARRY: Neither do I. So, I guess you should probably hand over the girl.Ā
*Suddenly, ARCHIBALD appears next to LARRY.*
ARCHIBALD: You heard him.
SCALLION #1: Yes, I know Iāve got your daughter here, but really whatās the worst that can happen?
LARRY: Oh, are you in for a world for hurt!
ARCHIBALD: I think you meanĀ āofā hurt.
LARRY: No, I meanĀ āforā hurt. You heard me, vine-guy.
ARCHIBALD: Very funny.
LARRY: Now, where was I? Letās do-
*Suddenly, a big ball of violence appears as ARCHIBALD and LARRY start fighting SCALLION, the former transforming into vines to stop him. Suddenly, ANNIE appears on the scene with a perplexed look on her face. Archibald transforms back into his regular self.*
ARCHIBALD: Why, hello there. Donāt mind your father, heās got into a bit of an entanglement here?
*ANNIE says nothing, but merely rolls her eyes. The scene cuts to ANNIE walking downstairs to her fatherās lab, when suddenly, he appears out of the blue.*
ARCHIBALD: Oh, hello Jessica. Didnāt expect you to find out this way.
ANNIE: Find out what?
ARCHIBALD: Well, did you know how some organisms can change from one form to another?
ANNIE: Yes, Dad, itās calledĀ āshapeshifting.ā
ARCHIBALD: Thatās right, Jessica. Plenty of cultures have legends and stories about such art. Of course, if Iād explain all of them, weād be here all day!
ANNIE: Okay, why do you care? Can you do that?
ARCHIBALD: Well, itās quite an interesting story. Throughout my studies, Iāve been studying my roots to see if I could transform back into a plant. Perhaps you could do so, as well?
ANNIE: What?
ARCHIBALD: Why shouldnāt us, the most complicated organisms on the planet, be capable of growing thorns and vines?
ANNIE: I....can kind of see what youāre getting at here?
ARCHIBALD: Lovely! Glad weāre on the same page.
ANNIE: Not really. Iām just lsitening because I have no choice here.
ARCHIBALD: Pardon?
ANNIE: Never mind.
ARCHIBALD: Jessica, darling, because of my experiments, Iām sure youāre more than capable of transforming yourself. Perhaps in a moment of great stress, Iām not sure.
ANNIE: Whatever, Dad.
*Suddenly, SCALLION appears, ANNIE screams in terror.*
SCALLION: Hope your father doesnāt mind me kidnapping here-
*ARCHIBALD tries to fight, but fails, SCALLION eventually succeeds in kidnapping him.*
SCALLION: Oh, hello there, ANNIE. Daddyās here to see you.
*Scene cuts to ANNIEās reaction.*
SCALLION: Oh, Annie? Itās rude to keep people waiting.*
Suddenly, ANNIE starts transforming into an entanglements of vines to stop SCALLION; the film cuts to him with an annoyed look on his face as she encircles around him.*
ARCHIBALD: You shouldāve known better than to mes with the princess of the plant kingdom, or should I say, my own daughter.
SCALLION: Very funny. Now, will you please get me out of this entalgment? Itās really hurting me.
ARCHIBALD: Oh, Iād love to, but since youāve taken a liking to terrorizing my own friends, Iām afraid Iāll have to revoke your offer.
*SCALLION says nothing, but merely gives him a disgusted look. Suddenly, LARRY apears, flyingĀ overheard, when suddenly, he hears ANNIEās voice.*
ANNIE: You have nothing to hear from us. We are one and the same.Ā
LARRY: Wow, thisĀ āevil-detecting sensorā is better than I thought!
ANNIE: Actually, itās just me, Jessica.
ARCHIBALD: Well, if it isnāt my brave little girl there?
ANNIE: Oh, Dad, it was nothing.
ARCHIBALD: Now, thatās what they all say. But what you did was far more thanĀ āNothingā so to speak.
LARRY: Yeah, you were awesome out there!
*CHIEF SCALLION merely scoffs in disgust.*
ARCHIBALD: So, sweetheart, what do you think? Is your father prettyĀ ācoolā after all?
ANNIE: Oh, you Dad!
ARCHIBALD: Tell you what. Weāre all going out to eat. Itās on me!
*Suddenly, one of ARCHIBALDās plants slaps ANNIE. She appears with a look of disgust, then laughs along with everyone else; Film abruptly cuts to countertop.*
LARRY: I donāt get it. What was that supposed to be a parody of, anyway?
ARCHIBALD: Oh, some old show I used to watch on the telly as a young sprout. Not sure why they never reran it- that actor was such a charmer!
BOB: Yeah, I donāt get it.
ARCHIBALD: I heard that! Now, QWERTY, could you please assist us with a Bible quote about the importance of family?
*Suddenly, the screen cuts to QWERTY who supplies the Bible Quote, read by Archibald:Ā "Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." EXODUS 2012.ā
ARCHIBALD: Absolutely beautiful. Now, Jennifer, I understand that you and your father might not always get along, but Iām sure he loves you dearly and just wants the best for you. Toodle-oo! *ARCHIBALD hops off the screen*
LARRY: I still donāt understand what show that was supposed to be parodying.
BOB: Me neither. Well, in any case, bye Jen! Hope to see you later!
LARRY: Yeah, bye, Jen!
THE END @veggieteensofficial
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