okhuggybear

[okhuggybear]

dean and cas being married™ in s12 (◕‿◕✿)

#dean winchester #castiel #spn #destiel

[okhuggybear]

2x20 | 12x03

Not just the denim shirt.

I wonder if Dean ever asks himself if he’s dreaming. That everything that happens to him and his family is just a dream. Not only because he’s been manipulated in actual illusions, but because his life seems like a ridiculous curse. 

 Years ago, while watching “What Is And What Should Never Be,” Dean’s final scene made me think about his childhood and how there was a chance he was a kid who used rocking back and forth as coping mechanism. A soothing coping mechanism a child as alone and traumatized as him may use for self comfort. Or unconsciously, an action that appeared when he was nervous and overwhelmed.

His coping mechanism in “The Foundry,” as we know from his personality and life as a grown up, is just to shut down, and not face his obstacles, even when in this case is all he ever needed while growing up.

I wish he had a healthier coping mechanism now. 

#dean winchester #spn

[okhuggybear]

sometimes still boggled by the fact that charlie couldn’t flirt with dude security guard because she’s gay, and so dean showed her how because he’s ???????

#dean winchester #charlie bradbury #dean is bi #bi!dean #spn

[okhuggybear]

If there comes a day where I meet a guy who pulls me out of hell, rebels against his entire family, rewrites the course of destiny that was hard wired into his being, starts a civil war in my name, fight despite his mental state and incessant need for peace, breaks through mind control that was specifically focused on killing me, gives up his entire army for me, and destroys the most powerful weapon in existence for me, then I’m gonna go ahead and assume that he has a little crush on me.

#destiel #spn

[okhuggybear]

dean’s worst nightmare came true and i am so broken up about it 

he spent 33 years missing his mother and she’s back and now he thinks she doesn’t want him and i can’t handle that

#dean winchester #mary winchester #spn

[okhuggybear]

Sam, I’ll have you know that Dean’s actually rocking his Head Over Heels goggles right now. 

#destiel #destiel art #spn

[okhuggybear]

#castiel #crowley #spn #cas and crowley

[okhuggybear]

Morning, Sunshine.

Cas doesn’t really hear the words. They aren’t said with any seriousness, anyway. He can’t focus on anything other than finding Lucifer, and any jokes or endearments are a waste of time right now. He simply files it away to be analyzed later.

If there is a later.

********

Morning, Sunshine.

Cas really hears the words now, suddenly remembering a few years ago when Dean said them for the first time. They had been teasing then, but there’s something softer in Dean’s tone now, a little more weight behind it. Cas smiles in return, unable to stop his reaction, and Dean seems satisfied with that.

Cas pretends that he’s completely satisfied, too.

********

Morning, Sunshine.

Cas groans. He’s still getting used to being human, and he hates getting up in the morning. He’d spend all day in bed if he could. But Dean’s grinning at him almost apologetically, and Cas knows he’s going to have to leave the bed soon.

He pulls Dean back under the covers anyway, and Dean indulges him, settles back in for a few more minutes of warm skin and tangled legs and hands gently stroking hair.

********

Morning, Sunshine.

Cas has heard that phrase every morning for almost thirty years now.

It’s still the best part of each day.

#destiel #destiel fic #spn

[okhuggybear]

12x03 coda

Castiel takes his time in the bathroom of the cheap motel, slowly and methodically unknotting his tie. Ever so carefully hanging the suit jacket as to avoid wrinkling it. Carefully scrubbing his teeth with the minty fresh toothpaste he’d forgotten to return to the Bunker. Right now, he just wants any excuse to not have to face Crowley in the other room.

It leaves a bad taste in his mouth, how well they work together. Not in a Sam and Dean way, those two pair seamlessly, but more…fire and ice. Good cop, bad cop. Two wild opposites that just manage to subvert any law of logic saying they shouldn’t work. But they do, and Castiel hates it. Because if he fits with Crowley, well, that’s just another sign he doesn’t fit with the Winchesters.

He can’t help but feel a minor surge of irritation towards Mary as he spits out a mouthful of toothpaste. Mary belongs with Sam and Dean just by nature of the fact she birthed them. She won’t have to earn her place, she won’t get turned away. Still, as quickly as these thoughts come, Castiel expels them as he rinses his mouth. It’s not fair to Mary that he’s jealous of her, after all.

As he prepares to leave the bathroom, no doubt Crowley will tease him about this too, his phone rings. It’s an unknown number, but Castiel’s been in the game long enough to know you always pick up your phone. Just in case. He swipes the answer button and presses the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

To his surprise, Mary answers. “Castiel?”

Keep reading

#destiel #destiel coda #spn #spn coda #12x03 coda #destiel fic

[okhuggybear]

12x03 “The Foundry” The Problem with New Beginnings: On Mary’s Struggle and Decision

There are a lot of things this episode was. Sad and painful for one, pretty to look at for another, but subtle it surely wasn’t. Right from the beginning of the episode it was clear how this episode was about to end and the show hammered it down every single second of the 42 minutes it was long. This scene as well as the other one between Lucas and Mary when she tells him that “she spoke to his mommy” and that “she misses him so much” are the one’s though most heavily capturing Mary’s struggle and also directly connecting to the ending scene and what Mary tells Sam and Dean before she tells them goodbye (for a while).

As said before, the entire episode was structured around Mary re-living the night of her death basically. The MotW couldn’t have possibly been any more of a paralllel. The crying baby in the crib serving as a death omen to those being lured towards it and then dying by a frozen heart is a direct callback to the shows’s pilot with Mary waking up to Sam’s cries, seeing the lights flicker - like it did in the abandoned house as well - and not much later getting captured in Sam’s room, pinned to the ceiling and burning alive. This week’s case was almost a direct negative mirror to the Winchesters’ origin story - and in the end even the becoming a ghost part Mary had in common with this week’s case, though she of course protected their home unlike Hugo who preyed upon the children moving into their house). Sam described it pretty perfectly in the episode - yet neither him, nor Dean seemed to have been able to grasp just how directly this case affetced their mom as it brought back so many memories (of what she/they have lost).

“Mom, the victims were all lured to their death by a baby’s cry. The baby marked Natalia right before she was killed, the same way the spirit marked you. I mean if we hadn’t gotten there in time…”

The crying baby and flickering lights as well as the trapping these two stories have in common, it’s only the way of death setting them apart is the cause of death, but even there you can see a strange kind of reverse “poetry” as ithe show played with polar opposites here, with heat and cold. And of course the show made all this unmistakably clear by having Mary remember her own death intercut with her experiences in the abandoned house right before Sam and Dean head out for the salt and burn.

All of that said, what got to me most about these scenes despite the quite exhausting hammering down of “Mary not feeling home, carrying guilt, missing her old life, etc” were these interactions with Lucas. And maybe I am totally reading this into the scene and it wasn’t intended to be taken that way, but I personally could not think that Mary didn’t not in some way see her 4 year old Dean in Lucas. I mean, of course Dean’s hair was a little darker, but the cut and age wise Lucas and Dean surely seem to have been around the same age and I personally cannot not think that Mary saw Dean in that boy, saw everything she lost like she tells them later.

And I won’t even go into details about how one could see that alignment also in relation to 1x03 “Dead in the Water” where Dean bonds with a boy clalled Lucas who doesn’t speak, but communicates through drawings - much like this Ghost!Lucas here didn’t talk, but communicated through his gestures. In that third episode of the show we learn so much about Dean as a character, what he’s been throuh and what he saw (see longer meta on Dean and Lucas in 1x03 “Dead in the Water” here and here). I personally think this week’s episode may have drawn parallels consciously there since Berens wrote the episode and I peg him for the kind of writer to consciously insert such callbacks, but who knows…

So when keeping all of this and the ending scene of the episode in mind, when Mary shares that she misses her husband and her two young boys, looking at this moment and the way she looks up and nods towards Lucas to move on and let go almost gets a “longing” quality to it as she later mentions that she was happy in Heaven with all of them and when looking at Mary swallowing and crying there in the abandoned house I personally could see her in that moment almost wishing she could have her past life back too, the “life” she had in Heaven. It’s so painful and horrible and it just makes me feel more anxious about how Mary’s storyline at the end of the season will be wrapped up, because let’s face it, if this week’s episode’s ending was painful, imagine how it would feel if the brothers truly have to let her go again. It would destroy them, so fingers crossed for that not happening.

Aside from all that what I also found pretty cleverly done here was how one could think of - or maybe I am just grasping at straws here about the past season not just being rendered meaningless in regard to the Empty, etc. - last season and Baby!Amara as well (that was a parallel to the pilot too after all) and especially because Mary wore the colours connoted to the Darkness (burgundy/dark red and black/dark/blue) and was literally “marked”.  And last but not least the episode and Hugo binding the kids’ ghost/souls to power him up, also reminded me of last season’s “Safe House” with the soul eater, which seemed like a majorly important episode for the end of the season 11 and especially in relation to the Empty, which I still holding out hope to not just be forgotten completely. But maybe I am expecting too much. ;P In any case this week’s episode was painful, painful, painful. Anybody else thinking that Mary may set out to Lawrence Kansas to visit their old house to find closure? I think that could make one hell of an episode tbh.

#mary winchester #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn #spn meta #spn spoilers #spn 12x03

[okhuggybear]

The more I think about Mary leaving, the more painful it gets.

Dean’s been much more comfortable with expressing his emotions this season.  He’s been openly showing affection and appreciation for Cas, talked to him about his difficulties reconnecting with Mary, and is apparently a lot less codependent on Sam (he was obviously concerned for him after he was captured by the Men of Letters, but there was none of the panic there we’ve seen from him in similar instances.)

And I think a large part of this was because Mary came back.  A mythologized, borderline religious figure to him, someone who he was raised to believe, “If only she were here, then everything would be okay.”  We’ve seen multiple times that here being alive was literally his greatest wish.  

And I I think this goes even deeper than him just wanting a mother; I think it goes straight to the core of his fear of abandonment.  Everyone close to Dean has at some point consciously left him, even the ones who keep coming back, like Sam and Cas.  Mary is the one constant he had to fall back on, the one loving, intangible deity who he thought would always want to be with him or near him given the opportunity.  

And then he finally meets Mary.  His fear of abandonment, and thus, fear of intimacy, finally starts to go away.  We see the shell of toxic masculinity John created for him start to unravel.   

And then she leaves him. 

I mean, make no mistake, Mary’s desire to grieve is perfectly natural and reasonable, and she’s ultimately taking the healthiest possible route under the circumstances.  But when you look at the situation from a psychological standpoint, it’s the most heartbreaking thing this show has dished out in a long time.    

#dean winchester #mary winchester #spn #spn spoilers

[okhuggybear]

DeanCas Coda to 12.03: The Foundry

“So, um, you hungry?”

“Dean…”

Dean doesn’t want to hear it. He already feels his heart beating a mile a minute inside his chest, the world blurring at the edges as he swallows back what feels like bile crawling up his throat. He forces his lips to pull up in a smile, giving a cursory swipe to his eyes as his gaze bounces from the floor to the table to literally every where else but the goddamn door.

This is his fault.

As per usual, Sam was right, and Dean was too stupid to see it. If he’d only grown some fucking balls and talked to her—fuck.

“Dean, we should talk about this.”

A laugh—loud, humourless, teetering on the knife’s edge of hysteria—bubbles up past Dean’s lips. “Ain’t nothin’ to talk about, Sammy.” His voice comes out hoarse. “You want a sandwich or what?”

Dean doesn’t give his brother time to answer, stalking to the kitchen with a bitten lip. It’s hard to see where he’s going because everything’s blurred no matter how much he wipes at his face, and the way the world seems to be folding in around him feels kinda like the panic attacks he used to get when he lost his mom the first time. But that wasn’t on him.

This is.

Keep reading

#destiel #destiel coda #spn coda #spn 12x03 #spn spoilers

[okhuggybear]

Dean and almost being killed by monsters “wearing” his parents

#dean winchester #mary winchester #john winchester #spn #spn spoilers

[okhuggybear]

Mary always calls him CASTIEL

#mary winchester #castiel #cas and mary #spn #spn spoilers

[okhuggybear]

#ouchies #dean winchester #spn #spn spoilers

[okhuggybear]

Cas is just so done

#castiel #crowley #cas and crowley #spn #spn spoilers

[okhuggybear]

12.03 | Castiel *i’m listening*

#castiel #spn #spn spoilers