messymotherfcker

[messymotherfcker]

not everyone gets what it’s like to always carry sadness within you. even when you’re happy a part of you is grieving, constantly

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[messymotherfcker]

[messymotherfcker]

I know you’re tired. I know sometimes it feels like you’re going backwards. I know it’s exhausting.

It’s okay if you need to rest. It’s okay if you need to take a break from your healing journey. It’s okay to just stop for a bit.

Just please don’t give up. You’re going to get through this.

[messymotherfcker]

They hurt you. You will likely carry that for a long time. It wasn’t fair. You’re allowed to say that.

I get so tired of people who respond with “life’s not fair,” or “you’re letting them win by holding onto the past.”

Yes, it’s important to move on and not let it run your life, but it still wasn’t fair. And sometimes, we need to let that out.

Denying us that or making us feel bad about that is very invalidating. It’s okay to be angry, sad or whatever else and acknowledge the wrong that was done to you.

[messymotherfcker]

Even though you may know that you’ll make it through this, it’s okay to take some time and realize that you aren’t okay right now. That things aren’t okay. It’s okay to feel that, maybe even cry about it, or whatever other feelings you have about it.

Sometimes, it’s beneficial to stop and allow yourself to feel the things you try to avoid or to set down the obligation you feel to pretend everything is okay.

You are going to make it through this, but it’s okay to have feelings about it and acknowledge them.

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I'm fucking exhausted

[messymotherfcker]

Imperfect victims I love you. Victims who went along with shit because they’re not good at speaking up and are used to people pushing their boundaries. Victims who made excuses for harmful actions done to them. Victims who isolated themselves when they were being abused and told only a few people or no one. Victims who get victim blamed and sneered at “why didn’t you just leave it’s your fault for staying it must not have been this bad”. Victims who sometimes lashed out when their abuser would trigger them. Victims who tolerated so much. Victims who often had the freeze or dawn response. Victims who didn’t leave when they saw red flags or missed them entirely. Victims who don’t feel strong and instead feel weak. You’re just as valid as any other victim.

[messymotherfcker]

Sometimes, we’re doing really well. We make so much progress, and we take strides and we feel so good about ourselves. And then those bad days and times creep up on us. I know it’s hard. It really is. But those times will pass again, and while they’re here, please know they don’t erase the progress you’ve made.

[messymotherfcker]

No, you aren't "behind in life".

But, it's okay to grieve the time you spent surviving. The time spent trying to figure out what was wrong. The time spent healing to become a person again.

It wasn't your fault.

[messymotherfcker]

I'm so high I got turned on by my own voice...while I was talking to myself

#me #dissociation #addiction #mania #weedlife #is this weed or am I manic #gender euphoria

[messymotherfcker]

How do I stop being that terrified little child?

#me #dissociation #trauma #emotional abuse #childhood abuse #csa #childhood sexual abuse #parentification #actually abused #flashbacks #emotional flashbacks

[messymotherfcker]

absolutely criminal how falling into bad habits is the easiest thing in the world while developing positive habits feels like fighting a literal war

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