messimamix3 - Tumblr blog

messimamix3 · 6 months

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Okay, so now that i think about it .. the greatest most relatable artists of all time are ours yall! Anyway, lets stay on point SZA is that girl. But Im often conflicted if the music that shes making is for me. & now it all makes sense. ... SZA knows what the girls want to say. Sis said, now that I ruined everything I can not complain. & I felt that in the pit of my soul. Because when you are a girl like me, you cant really shut your thoughts off. Like your spirit is LOUD so its like a nagging pain to do something that is absent from integrity .. & its like every sense i met this guy which is now my baby daddy Ive been gaslighted. & its like weird because I did not understand until now and like fully dont grasp how a man could treat you MID and then BLAME you for having and opinion about whats happeneing. But it gets to a point like fuck that shit. WHY am I walking on eggshells to speak to someone Ive made children with and sleep next to. If only you could be a man of YOUR WORD we would not have any problems. Its to the point where I dont even make any plans and just watch regular shi just fall apart. We cant celebrate shit correctly, not a holiday nor birthday and the shit is so disappointing and draining I feel like I could literally die and hate my life. & of course I know that sounds ridiculous but I am so much of that person to be festive when its time to be.. and its like the devil has been fucking with me because he knows what I could do with the right person, Like hes literally putting this guy in a position to sabotage my family and me so we become like the world. & that shit really hurts because its like I really did like and love (man who should be my husband), like shit I still do but I just cant get it right and sometimes just dont want to. Ive been trying to be so positive, so obliging and understanding but hes getting in my way of seeing my mom now. hes getting in my way of have a emotionally supportive partner (because he sucks all the energy). God forbid I have a concern or a hope he just pays it no mind really and progresses with his wants and needs firstly. And that hurts because I know that i dont need to be treated like this. I mean Ive got the looks and youth, the education and compassion. Ive just made really poor decisions. & he think he helps me but he does not, he points out flaws when I need his support and loses control of his temper. Makes empty promises and I am just so tired of pretending that I want to do this at this level with him. Like Im trying to support him but its so hard to do with kids, health and mental issues on top of it feels like a fourth child who makes all the rules, controls all the money and and screams in my face about them..

#healing #proverbs 31 woman #courage #black women #young mom #sad thoughts #sadgirl #im so tired #mentally tired #alone with my thoughts

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