marcloresto

[marcloresto]

An ABC News Live correspondent’s piece on the insurrection at the Capitol welcomes me back to my place as I open my door. I’m the first tenant in this space. It’s a brand new apartment with brand new appliances. It’s large and perfect for entertaining. All things I could never say about any of my apartments in my 10 years living in Brooklyn. I like my new place. A lot. I tend to leave the TV on when I go out on short errands because it feels like I’m coming back to something. The chatter fills the space giving me a sense of warmness I might feel if there were actual people here.

[marcloresto]

It was really amazing to be hired right after I completed my UX boot camp. It would be my first time working in the private sector. It would be the first time where the majority of my coworkers were white and the first time I'd be the only non-white person on my project teams. I was just happy to be a UX designer so I went with everything that came at me very passively. As a gay, brown, low-income, son of immigrants, I've experienced blatant discrimination in my everyday and I've experienced discrimination in its more subtle form of microaggressions. But I've never experienced the insane amount of microaggressions as I did at my last job. It was happening almost every other day and it came from all levels. Sometimes mostly from those in senior and leadership positions. I was at my old job for five and a half years. And if I could draw up a graph that could illustrate how my depression was compounded by being at this job, it would be a continuous upward slope until I left in November 2019. "It's just a job," I'd be told by so many people. But it's not just a job if you're constantly surrounded by racists saying racist things. That's a hostile work environment that takes a major toll on mental health. One time someone called me a lone wolf. That made me sad since I really wanted friends at this job. But there was literally zero connections to be made. I couldn't relate to anything anyone would talk about. Looking back, I should have given it a better shot. But looking back, NO, fuck that. There are studies that show how being a minority in the workplace does damage to job performance, communication, and obviously mental health. That was me. Towards the end of my time there, people made complaints about my work, about my lack of communication. But I couldn't help it. I was mad af everyday. I hated being there. One of the reasons I hated being there: leadership couldn't give a good reason about why we only recruited white people. Hint: Because when a majority white company only reaches out to their circles it's going to do absolutely nothing but perpetuate homogeneity. I tried do something. I tried to do many things. But nothing ever stuck because leadership could never find the time for support. A month after George Floyd's death, one of the group leaders texted me saying how he was thinking of me and that he appreciated me. That pissed me off. He never sent a farewell note. If it would have been anyone, I would have expected it to be him because we talked a lot about racism in the workplace. That text made me think maybe they're doing something about how racist they are. Finally! It only took a video of a Black man getting murdered by a white cop for industries across the US to start shaking in their boots because they didn't wanna get called out for doing jack shit about addressing D&I in the workplace. After I got the text, I remember thinking, "I fucking told you so." Do you know how crazy I felt being in that workplace? Every person made me feel like I cared about something that didn't matter. But that's what the dominant culture does to ideas that don't align with their own. They deem it as unimportant. So naturally, I began to feel unimportant. I felt like I didn't matter there. I felt like I didn't have a voice. I hated being there and by the time it was my fourth year, I was downing a six pack of beer every single night. A job isn't just a job. We spend so much time working and there isn't any fucking reason why we shouldn't be able to show up to work as our full, authentic selves. And there isn't a reason why our workplaces shouldn't acknowledge and support that. There are studies that prove more diverse workplaces outperform homogenous ones. And if all these motherfuckers cared about was money, then wouldn't they want to invest in a D&I initiative? Summer of 2019 was a major turning point. We got an internship that I really fought for. I made sure that the people we invited to apply were only City and State University students. No NYU, no Parsons, no Columbia. Just City and State students. I was thrilled to hire three amazing women. Three women of color. Three non-traditional students. One from the Bronx. And two from different parts of Brooklyn - the non-gentrified parts. It's been thee highlight of my career to have managed their internships with us. But towards the end in July 2019, all of us found out how Ogilvy was the PR agency for Customs and Border Protection. This changed a lot for me. With all the bullshit I experienced, and their internship ending in August, I decided I wouldn't step foot into the office again. And I didn't. In July and August 2019, Buzzfeed News and AdWeek talked to me and other staff about our meeting with the worldwide CEO. They wrote about it. Ogilvy was dragged for a hot second. But after the audio of the meeting was leaked and posted online, any type of employee action we wanted to take was effectively DOA. I never used my second monitor again. Instead I propped it up as high as it would go and I printed "No kids in cages" and taped it to the screen. I took what I needed from my desk and never came in again. I decided that enough was enough and this place was too toxic for me. I worked on my portfolio and in November 2019, I put my two weeks in. I didn't have anything lined up. I convinced myself that I would be fine if I just worked at Trader Joe's until I could find a workplace that aligned with my values. Thankfully, I got interviews right away with the ACLU and Teach For America. And a month later, Teach For America made me a really great offer that I couldn't turn down. I haven't been happier in a workplace since. My coworkers are so diverse. I'm no longer the only non-white person in my teams or calls. There are MANY non-white people on all my projects. Everyone's values are pretty much aligned and it's been so refreshing to work with people you know you see to eye-to-eye with. But the reason I decided to share this today is because I haven't let this go yet. And I'm ready to. I'm tired of feeling this PTSD from being in such a racist workplace. I can't believe how much being at Ogilvy made me depressed. I feel like I lost five years of myself. I'm just ready to not let that sadness dictate how I live my life anymore. To any friends that might have wondered about anything or had any concerns, those were all valid. I wanted to kill myself many times over the last several years. Not solely because of work but a combination of things where I pretty much felt like I didn't matter. A feeling that was compounded by work because I knew for a fact that I didn't matter there. I think I've learned that it's not worth it to be at a place that doesn't recognize you or see you or validate your experiences whether that's in the workplace or a relationship or a friendship. I turned 37 a couple months ago. And I'll be real, I didn't think I'd make it past 35. I was so sure I'd have taken my life by then. But I'm in a much better place now. Especially in my head. I'm sort of playing catch-up now because I have to think about a future I never saw for myself. I always think about that opening line in Pretty Hurts where Beyoncé is asked what's her aspiration in life? And she says, "To be happy." And I think I took that first step when I left Ogilvy. After feeling defeated for so long and hitting what I thought was rock bottom several times, there really is nowhere else to go but up. All this to say that our identities are so important because they shape how we navigate and experience the world. And not one part of anyone's identity is bad or wrong or invalid. Every part of our identities is worthy. I'm gay, brown, a son of immigrants that grew up in a low-income household and immigrant neighborhood. I'm not seeing any of those as flaws anymore. I'm not hating myself for being any of those identities anymore. I'm trying to embrace each part because that's what makes me who I am. Shit. This took me long enough but I got here. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk lol.

[marcloresto]

I pass by The Franklin Fountain, a popular ice cream spot even in the winter. It’s a weeknight, so the queue on the sidewalk is empty. I turn the corner and there’s a bust of Ben Franklin in the window and they’ve placed a mask over his face. I’m sure Franklin would have placed a mask mandate. Then next door is the cheesesteak spot. There are several cheesesteak spots that are all walking distance from each other on Market St. I’m here because this is the closest and I get to support a minority-owned business.

[marcloresto]

I put my black fabric mask on before I walk out my door. I also stuff my phone, keys, wallet, and hand sanitizer into my heavy winter coat. “See you in a bit, Jose!” I tell my cat as he flicks his tail. Usually at the end of day, I’m passing by my white neighbors in the lobby or front door. I never say hi. Luckily, there was no one to pass by this time. As I head out, I think about how my favorite thing about my street is being greeted by all the historic buildings with their ornate fixtures and brick facades, the cute lamp posts that dot the sidewalk casting this cinematic glow in the evening.

[marcloresto]

“A cheesesteak sounds good.” I had dinner on my mind as I snoozed my Slack notifications for the day. I look back at the kitchen from my standing desk feeling reassured by the mess of dishes that there’s no way I’m 1) cleaning, 2) walking to the grocery store a mile away, and 3) cooking. How does anyone have the energy anymore? Takeout’s been a lifesaver this pandemic and being walking distance to so many restaurants has been clutch. And tonight, I need a lifesaver.

[marcloresto]

#tbt to last September in the beautiful, captivating, and tasty city of Oaxaca 😋🇲🇽🦗 Sun-faded cantinas on cobblestone streets, perfect strolling weather, a vibrant and preserved indigenous culture, some of the kindest and friendliest people I’ve met, gorgeous colonial architecture, some of the best eats Mexico has to offer and, really, just a fucking amazing place. Oaxaca will always have a special part of my heart. #oaxaca #montealban #hierveelagua #mexico #instatravel #instavacation #instamex #oaxacacity #oaxacatravel #oaxaca_bonito #visitoaxaca #igersoaxaca (at Oaxaca City) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2mWIN9AR-d/?igshid=1tn2bpi90mq5a

#tbt #oaxaca #montealban #hierveelagua #mexico #instatravel #instavacation #instamex #oaxacacity #oaxacatravel #oaxaca_bonito #visitoaxaca #igersoaxaca

[marcloresto]

Me: I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave Summer: Looking back, this summer was pretty amazing. I’m very thankful to call all these beautiful people my friends. I hope everyone else had a great summer too! Cheers to summer and here’s to a great autumn 🍂 #beforeiletgo #summertime #summerlove #byesummer (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2A5JPjAeh8/?igshid=8ap62g6tjxwt

#beforeiletgo #summertime #summerlove #byesummer

[marcloresto]

Me on #dragrace being a hater probably: You’re perfect, you’re beautiful, you look like Linda Evangelista. You’re a model ➡️👀 *************************************** #tbt to last August and one of my absolute most favorite places upstate #hudson #hudsonny #hudsonnewyork #upstate #upstateny #upstatenewyork #judgingyou #haterade #hatersgonnahate #hateration #holleration #jk #loveyoumeanit #yourelikereallypretty #yourebeautiful #loveyourself #blessed #blessed🙏 #blessedlife #lifeisgood #lifeisbeautiful #lifeisagift #lol #lolz #lolll #ig_countryside #ig_nyc #insta #instagay #instapic #instago #instamood #issavibe #stopme 🛑 ✋🏽 (at Hudson, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1fft40gzFR/?igshid=1lp1s3x2wxkjn

#dragrace #tbt #hudson #hudsonny #hudsonnewyork #upstate #upstateny #upstatenewyork #judgingyou #haterade #hatersgonnahate #hateration #holleration #jk #loveyoumeanit #yourelikereallypretty #yourebeautiful #loveyourself #blessed #blessed🙏 #blessedlife #lifeisgood #lifeisbeautiful #lifeisagift #lol #lolz #lolll #ig_countryside #ig_nyc #insta

[marcloresto]

Me on #dragrace bc I can’t get my shit together so I try to take someone else down probably: You’re perfect, you’re beautiful, you look like Linda Evangelista. You’re a model 💁🏽‍♀️ ➡️ 👀 *************************************** #tbt to last August and one of my absolute most favorite places upstate #hudson #hudsonny #upstateny #upstate #upstatenewyork #newyork #hatersgonnahate #hateration #holleration #judgingyou #judgejudy #judgemathis #judgedredd #imean #cmon #really #reallytho #wompwomp #jk #loveyoumeanit #yourelikereallypretty #yourebeautiful #iheartrevolution #blessed #tooblessedtobestressed #ig_countryside #ig_nyc #insta #instagay #instaplants (at Hudson, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1fermnAc8A/?igshid=60kican4iu8m

#dragrace #tbt #hudson #hudsonny #upstateny #upstate #upstatenewyork #newyork #hatersgonnahate #hateration #holleration #judgingyou #judgejudy #judgemathis #judgedredd #imean #cmon #really #reallytho #wompwomp #jk #loveyoumeanit #yourelikereallypretty #yourebeautiful #iheartrevolution #blessed #tooblessedtobestressed #ig_countryside #ig_nyc #insta

[marcloresto]

#tbt to this hotel room for Market Days last year in Chicago. Oh, what a fun time! #shade #thelibraryisopen #allteaallshade #midwest #midwestmoment #midwestliving #chicago #chi #chitown #idontfuckwithyou #idontgiveafuck #hotgirlsummer #dontcomeforme #itslikethat #bye https://www.instagram.com/p/B07MYaQgWa_/?igshid=mjlw4lostrke

#tbt #shade #thelibraryisopen #allteaallshade #midwest #midwestmoment #midwestliving #chicago #chi #chitown #idontfuckwithyou #idontgiveafuck #hotgirlsummer #dontcomeforme #itslikethat #bye

[marcloresto]

I really can’t wait for some chill getaway-from-the-city-vibes by the beach. Next week, PLS GET HERE ASAP 🙏🏽🏖☀️#rockawaybeach #rockaway #rockawaybeachny #sunrise #sunrise🌅 #sunriseoftheday #beachside #beachlife #lifesabeach #ny #i❤️ny #queens #queerdanceparty #queeraf #queerlove #spinning #justkeepspinning /// Flashback to last summer at Rockaway Beach for a queer midnight/sunrise dance party and not sleeping a wink the whole time 💃🏽 (at Rockaway Beach, Queens) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0zd2eCgHIX/?igshid=1gn412zhe13q1

#rockawaybeach #rockaway #rockawaybeachny #sunrise #sunrise🌅 #sunriseoftheday #beachside #beachlife #lifesabeach #ny #i❤️ny #queens #queerdanceparty #queeraf #queerlove #spinning #justkeepspinning

[marcloresto]

Happiest birthday to one of the best people I know. You’re an amazing bawse ass bitch. So happy for you, so excited for you, so looking forward to all the more amazing things coming your way. I’m so lucky to have you in my life and I fucking love you. Thanks for letting me live my best upstate life this weekend with you and some of our best friends. Thank you @laurenfrederico for being born! And thanks to you and @espinosa602 for being the best hostesses with the mostestesst ❤️💯🙌🏽 #justjewett #jewett #upstateny #countryliving #countrylife #iloveny #colgatelake #kaaterskillfalls #unicornparty #happybirthday #bdaygirl #hostesswiththemostess (at Jewett, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0hgr6GA_nI/?igshid=wbjxpl7rpmik

#justjewett #jewett #upstateny #countryliving #countrylife #iloveny #colgatelake #kaaterskillfalls #unicornparty #happybirthday #bdaygirl #hostesswiththemostess

[marcloresto]

Promise this my mood forever #foreverever #mood4eva #bk #brooklyn #brooklynsummer #cashonly #urbancowboy #cowgirl #pony #horsingaround #horsesofinstagram #poniesofinstagram #thisishowiroll #hotgirlsummer (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0NEojXAMbl/?igshid=1o1hxx4syrwc8

#foreverever #mood4eva #bk #brooklyn #brooklynsummer #cashonly #urbancowboy #cowgirl #pony #horsingaround #horsesofinstagram #poniesofinstagram #thisishowiroll #hotgirlsummer

[marcloresto]

I’ve been feeling really out of it lately. I’m trying to overcome feelings of helplessness, of defeat, of apathy. Not feeling I’m enough, not feeling like what I do matters. I honestly feel like I’m drowning. And I think what’s helping me get through the bullshit are good friends. So my #mondaymotivation is everyone back in Cali. I’ll be ok. This too shall pass. But thanks for being everything I need when I need it. #friends #friendshipgoals #friendsforlife #palmsprings #california #cali #thatswhatfriendsarefor #bestfriends https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz9ZyabANNT/?igshid=13kc33rhjm7um

#mondaymotivation #friends #friendshipgoals #friendsforlife #palmsprings #california #cali #thatswhatfriendsarefor #bestfriends

[marcloresto]

SO INCREDIBLY INSPIRING AND LOVING to have participated in yesterday’s Trans Day of Action. It was everything I needed this Pride season: Community (and NO brands). Pride has meant so much to growing up, into my teens, in college and as an adult. It’s always meant this one time of year where the community I’m part of and our allies can come together and be visible. I’ve marched in the NYC parade the year DOMA and Prop 8 were defeated. I marched with my family the year Prop 8 had its short reign. And I think I’ve sort of been jaded by it the last couple years. I think it has to do with what Pride has become. It’s become the opposite of Stonewall. It’s become a marketing tool. I haven’t felt community. All I see are brands. It’s the 50th anniversary of Stonewall. It’s NYC pride and it’s World Pride..I should be super into this! ...But I think one of the biggest reasons why I’ve been feeling off about Pride this season is how we as a community and a society constantly and consistently excuse the trans experience. There is literally an epidemic of trans women of color getting murdered for simply existing. Btw it was trans women of color that started Stonewall. It fucking sucks that after 50 years, the community that started it is still the community that is at most danger. Marriage equality was fine. But that’s not a basic human right. Trans women of color deserve to LIVE and honestly I feel ashamed that while we fought for marriage equality, we failed to raise up our trans brothers and sisters. We need to do more. We need to listen. We need to show up. #transpride #transally #nycpride #worldpride #stonewall #stonewall50 https://www.instagram.com/p/BzS8RsnAUZA/?igshid=18khdx818qscm

#transpride #transally #nycpride #worldpride #stonewall #stonewall50

[marcloresto]

This is me with two of the realest ones Tristan and Stacy. The first couple (out of 8!!) I married. He was and still is my best straight guy friend lol. From Honolulu to UCLA to SF to LA to NYC and now to Ptown. I love you and I love YOU, Stacy. I’ll never forget the hottest day of life on your wedding day! I was praying to Godney that I wouldn’t mess anything up! Thank you for including me on your special day. I’ll never forget it and I fucking love you guys. Ptown was the best and one of the most necessary trips I’ve ever needed. Besides the ghosts, it was the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️ *************** Right now, I’m sitting here waiting for a delayed flight back to Cali. And I can’t help but think about how much I love Cali. I love it because it will always be home. It will always be home because home is where my heart is ...and my heart belongs to my friends. I’m so lucky to have people in my life that I’ve known for over 16 years. That’s a fucking long time. And things change all the time. New jobs, new homes, new baes, kids, marriage, happily single, fur dads, trying things out cross country, doing the most, doing what you can, doing what matters, doing what you need to do. At the end of it all, I’m so lucky to have people I can always rely on no matter what. Cali friends: you are home to me and you will always be home to me. I don’t deserve it but I’m so grateful for you. https://www.instagram.com/p/ByrRIuhAnxB/?igshid=14gi0th6ach4g

[marcloresto]

A good morning brought to you by a good hair mome ☀️ #ptown #provincetown #capecod #capecodbay #shesellsseashells #feelingcute #feelingmyself #feelingmyoats #feelingmyselfie #instahair #mellowhype #chillvibes #summervibes #vibes✨ #pinkvibes #pinkhairdontcare #pinkprincess #pink #pinkprint (at Provincetown, Massachusetts) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByLG3IOge_D/?igshid=1fg60kcbcdszz

#ptown #provincetown #capecod #capecodbay #shesellsseashells #feelingcute #feelingmyself #feelingmyoats #feelingmyselfie #instahair #mellowhype #chillvibes #summervibes #vibes✨ #pinkvibes #pinkhairdontcare #pinkprincess #pink #pinkprint