lovesuckw

[lovesuckw]

God this is deep af

The Morning After I Killed Myself

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

[lovesuckw]

2016: Hamilton obc disbands

me: I can't take this. I need my life back. I'm sick of tumblr

2017: Dear Evan Hansen

me: hello my nation of fangirl trash teach me how to live again

#youwillbefound

[lovesuckw]

Maybe we're friends???

She asked me to go to the Asian market with her and I'm like sure! So on Saturday we gonna go and do some stupid things. So it'll be chill. So maybe this is a friends with benefits situation. ALSO THIS ANIME HAD ME DED. I'm a dork and I love it. :)

#your lie in april #friends #with benefits #your awesome #cool beans

[lovesuckw]

Did I tell you?

The girl and I snuggled on her couch and we tickled each other to like death. While with that she still says "that's what I do with all of my friends", yeah bs

#love #ughhh #sucky vibes #great mang #like bruh #pls help #broooo

[lovesuckw]

Beautiful people

To all those lonesome people, you are beautiful the way you are. There is always someone you long for. You WILL find love. You will want love. You are awesome and never doubt that!

#love #stuff #personal stuff #you're awesome #never doubt yourself #your cool

[lovesuckw]

My kind of perfect

My desires in a relationship are sort of simple. -a girl who can treat me right -a Christian girl -a girl who has stuff in common (sings, does music stuff, watches anime?, is goofy and loves to joke around, snuggling) -a girl who's great to be around -a girl who doesn't lie as much as they should -a girl who gets me That's about it. Comment your kind of perfect below! Whether it's a boy, a girl, or both!

[lovesuckw]

Same :/ although she says that "we'll find the right ones for each other."

http://iglovequotes.net/

[lovesuckw]

Me too :) but unfortunately I was the one friend zoned.

http://iglovequotes.net/

[lovesuckw]

A novel

Thinking about creating a book about a guy who goes after this girl and ends up getting hurt. At night he wishes to become one with the dark space inside of walls. His wish comes true and the people all around him start to matter. He watches the girl he called his lover tear up and wishes he were there to hold her. Although he can't get back he sends messages on the wall with hearts everyday as she desperately wants him. Yes this is about the girl who I like?

#books #kermit #the frog #meh #my stuff #great memes btw

[lovesuckw]

My composition about the girl

#nice #piano #love #awesome

[lovesuckw]

A note on New Years. Comment your stories below! :)

So there I was, sitting on my bed. Collapsed into my own virtual world watching Eddie Redmayne Compilations, on New Year's Eve. Before that I was getting nowhere with my crush. The last ten minutes of the facetime call was her talking about her crush which bummed me out. Right after that call ended I didn’t notice it was a new year. It’s a shame how much time I waste my life not living it up and making goals for myself. I try to be the happiest I can but I’m always a titch away from it. It’s almost like the world was meant to be a place for me, only for it to be good or bad. Yet I seek for a good relationship with someone. Someone who is the right one. Although I thought she’d come by but she only left me a trail of disappointment. Though I still find joy talking to her. She has a way of lighting up worlds in the back of minds that cause visualizations of fireworks and bursting beams of energy! Yes, it is that exciting. Knowingly the man she prefers to “date” is foreign and she finds that cute. Although I am a big dork and am no close to being foreign to America, I always end up liking her again. I am just an ordinary High School boy! Now who dares to take a shot? Well I am asking myself that of course. As almost if I have to answer my own questions and creating stupendous answers that end up leaving me another dumb conclusion to the topic of this story. Now what is the topic of this story I am telling you? I honestly do not know! Briefly I was always told in school to have a main topic to what you’re writing about. But I do not listen. Nevertheless I’m a mess trying to make my dreams come true. Although the resources are expensive, and so is Love. Now here I am going to tell you about Love. Oh the things I must say! Love is such a choice. You fall in love. You either get madly rejected or surprisingly accepted. Now I am a forward boy, but I still have problems expressing my feelings to others. Such as the girl I’d like to talk to now. But seems to ignore the shite out of me. I never have met such a girl who is so charming and giddish like her. She is very talented as well. Although I thought she was lonely and was desperate? Nope, she would just rather stay friends and not see where it could go. Boy did my heart melt for a relationship on the cruise! Oh, I never mentioned that? Well I went on a cruise. Most of the women onboard were astonishingly beautiful but they tried too hard. Unlike my crush she doesn’t have to try hard to look nice. Mentioning the beautiful women on board, I didn’t want a long distance relationship. It’s just not right because you can’t feel them. You can’t snuggle. You can’t go to events with them either. You can only text or facetime call them. That is what’s wrong with long distance relationships. Now I should get some rest. I’ve had a shitty day as it’s been.

#lovely #why #cool beans #the best things about you