living-in-the-state-of-dreaming

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

To the Grave (400 subs!)

Yandere Aventurine x Reader

Yet another escape attempt thwarted. How will Aventurine react?

Warnings: Yandere behavior, implied kidnapping, forced imprisonment and affection

The room is cold, and not just because you’re half naked and shivering, clutching at your thin pajamas. No, it’s because the man across from you is radiating an aura more bone-chilling than Jarilo-VI.

Aventurine dismisses the IPC grunts who dragged you in with a wave of his hand. You get a sick sort of satisfaction that it took four of them, plus a senior staff member in a mech suit, to finally restrain you this time.

Your escape this round was spontaneous, but you couldn’t turn your nose at the opportunity when you noticed the guards had failed to lock your door that evening. You’d sprinted out wearing nothing but the ridiculous, skimpy nightwear that Aventurine liked to return to you wearing. You’d made it as far as the outskirts of the manor before you were grabbed and tackled by the pursuing goons.

Hence how you found yourself here, presented to the very man who held you captive against your will.

The room is dead silent. His back is to you, so you can’t gauge his expression, but you notice he’s playing with a single chip, tossing it back and forth between his hands—a tick that you’ve learned means he’s thinking, calculating.

“Did you really think your little stunt would work?” His voice is calm, barely over a whisper, but it still sends a shiver down your spine. Your nails dig into your palms ever so slightly harder, leaving crescent moons in their wake.

“The odds haven’t stopped me before,” you throw back, mocking his own betting lingo.

Aventurine lets out a dry, breathy laugh. “And that’s what makes a gambler. That desperate desire to cling to the hope that the next time will be the jackpot.”

“I’m willing to take those odds if it means a lifetime without you.”

He does not have one of his normal, clever comebacks for that, apparently. He merely flicks the chip one more time and snatches it midair in his left hand, which then moves to settle behind his back.

“Do you have any idea the lengths I go to in order to keep you safe?”

At first, you think you imagine it—the edge of hurt, the crack in his voice. But then you notice his posture, the hand held behind his back, the fist shaking ever so slightly. It’s the same as when he’s making a risky bet, when he’s scared of the next play.

Some of your bitterness morphs to confusion. “Aventurine—”

This time he turns, and his mesmerizing, beautiful, terrifying Avgin eyes meet your own. “You know what to call me.”

“Kakavasha,” you breathe out after a pause. At the sound of his true name, you see him release a breath, some of the ice melting around his eyes. “This isn’t safety, this is a prison. You can’t expect me to…”

Your voice trails off as he wraps his arms around you, one hand caressing your hair while the other attaches to your hip. He buries his nose into your neck, right at the base of your jaw, and you suck in a breath. You still feel the ghost of pain from each previous bite and bruise he’s left on your neck, the marks he uses to stake his claim on you.

He releases a choked laugh, making your knees weak with fear. You brace yourself for pain, for the sting of his fangs as he sinks his teeth into your flesh—

Except you realize he’s not laughing, he’s crying.

“I was so frightened, (Y/n). I thought—I thought you were gone—” Each attempt is cut off with another hitched breath, his grip on you like a vice. “You’re all I have left, the only thing that I can protect. I can’t lose you, too. I’ll give you anything. So please, just…stay.”

Your initial shock starts to bleed into uncertainty. Strings of doubt, of guilt, wrap around your heart. How can you pull away from him, knowing his past? How fate has stolen every loved one from him, leaving him a broken shell that he himself was forced to piece back together? Can you truly blame him for his possessiveness, his need to keep you?

Of course you can, logic tells you. But the lost man—no, the frightened Avgin boy, the last of his kind—who is clutching you with such unbridled affection and sadness doesn’t need your reasoning, he needs your understanding, your compassion.

You sigh, placing your hand on his head and running your fingers through his golden tresses, in the manner you know he loves so dearly from you. “I’m sorry. I—I’m not going anywhere.”

“No,” he agrees, his voice suddenly clear, “you aren’t.”

Something rattles and wraps around your neck with a click.

“Wha-what—!” You scratch at your nape, at the metal fixture that you don’t even need a mirror to identify. No. He couldn’t have. He wouldn’t, not after everything he himself has been through, he wouldn’t subject you to the same humiliation and torture—

Aventurine gives the chain attached to the shackle around your neck a light tug. When your eyes lock with his, you see they are void of tears, brimming only with smug victory. The basted fucking faked it.

How easily you had fallen for the mask of Kakavasha, only to be met by the reality of Aventurine, his heart as hard as stone.

You immediately thrash, baring your teeth at him. “Bastard! Liar! Heartless wretch!” You growl when you hear him laugh at that last one. “I will never stop fighting you, not until you are alone, dead, and buried as you deserve!”

“That may be so,” he drawls, “but your willing compliance certainly isn’t something I’m willing to bet on.” He pulls you close by your chain, licking your fallen tear of frustration. “So how about I bring you to the grave with me, hm?”

#yandere aventurine #yandere aventurine x reader #yandere hsr #yandere honkai star rail #yandere

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

I am not at all ashamed to admit that due to my Arlecchino pulls I now hate Keqing with a burning passion. She is now sitting permanently banned from my team with a level 20 dull blade and 3 and 1 star artifacts. 5 times I have now lost the 50/50 and it just HAD to be to Keqing.

She has come when I was pulling for Dehya- though thank fudge I was still able to get Dehya and her weapon; almost completely destroyed my Furina pulls so I couldn't get Furina's weapon which I was hoping to get and now she has done one of the greatest offenses yet.

SHE MESSED UP MY ARLECCHINO PULLS!

This is not a joke. I am genuinely never using Keqing and I genuinely want her to leave me the hell alone. If it had been another Dehya constellation I wouldn't be so mad but the fact that the fifth time I lost my 50/50 was to Keqing? No. Your ass is sitting in ' the characters whom I will never use ' sit tight in there with Lumine because you're gonna be in there for a looooooooong while.

I mean it, the moment I see another Keqing wreck my 50/50 it will be far too soon and if I never see another show up I will be a very happy bean.

#thoughts of a dreamer #living in the state of dreaming #genshin impact

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

hi! could you write cute relationship headcanons with ferid bathory? tyy!

Inside me are two wolves: one of them wants to stick to canon, and the other wants to fulfill requests to the letter. I am the mediator in their bloody battle as I try to find out how the actual fuck to write sweet fluff about a psycho vampire who murders orphans for fun and threatens to molest children. You guys just love to make me think, don't you?

Tw: Suggestive content. Listen, Ferid is Ferid.

Fluff with Ferid Bathory~

Same as usual, snatched the images off Pinterest.

🤍♦️ Well, for starters he is always clinging to you. He seems to always need to be touching you at every second. Doesn't matter what you're doing, he's gonna wrap his arms around you, drape himself over you, and kiss every inch of exposed skin. He especially loves to distract you from doing any projects or work you're trying to finish.

🤍♦️ Ferid is nothing if not playful. That being said, his version of 'play' might be a little different from yours. It's really him just trying his absolute best to get on your nerves and get you to react. He'll chase you around with a spider dangling from his fingertips to get a good reaction out of you. He also enjoys fun games such as tag, hide-and-seek, and play-wrestling. He knows he's going to win easily, but it's fun to see just how long he can keep the game going. Literally every game is cat and mouse for him. I think you know who's who.

🤍♦️ The best way to get him to be somewhat more soft with you is to make him actually love you. How do you do that? The answer is much more simple than you realize: beg for his attention. That's right, you heard me. Ferid has this desperate, subconscious need to feel wanted. That's why he has such a strong begging kink. Letting him know that you like his attention and want more fills that empty hole inside him, and he gets addicted quickly. He might not realize it at first, but eventually he'll come to the conclusion that he cannot live without you, and he will act accordingly.

🤍♦️ He will spoil you even more than he already does. Your life will very suddenly get a whole lot better, and it might make you a little suspicious at first. This is Ferid trying to impress you. He's basically making the statement that he can provide for you much better than anyone else can, so clearly he's the best and you should stay with him. Sure, he could just keep you hostage like he's basically already doing, but he's smarter than that. He knows that if you actually want to stay with him, then that decreases the chances of someone trying to 'save' you from him. He wants you to choose him over potential freedom.

🤍♦️ He will become even more possessive of you, and PDA will increase dramatically. He needs to let everyone know who you belong to. If he feels like someone is getting a little bit too close to you, he might stage a scenario where they 'accidentally' catch you two having a bit of fun (poor Mika has been the victim of this several times, because he feels sorry for you and keeps trying to talk to you). He simply cannot risk someone taking you away from him, and will do whatever it takes to keep you by his side.

🤍♦️ He will begin to take an active interest in pleasing you, both in the bedroom and out of it. And suddenly, he cares about giving you aftercare. Again, this is him saying that he's the best partner for you. Surely no other human could please you the way he can! He isn't wrong, of course. This bastard is extremely clever and observant, and a very quick learner. He knows what you like. (He'll also get a lot more needy, so watch out for that.)

🤍♦️ He will, in fact, attempt to join in any activities you enjoy. He'll watch TV with you, play games, learn how to sing, dance, paint, literally anything just to spend as much time as possible with you. He might never figure out why, but you are the one thing he'll never get bored of and he NEEDS your attention. Just give it to him, it's not like you can avoid him.

🤍♦️ Soft cuddles will become a thing. He loves to hold you and kiss you, and it makes his heart melt when you relax into his arms. It makes him feel so loved when you show him that you trust him and are comfortable enough to let your guard down around him, and he is shamelessly addicted to the feeling. And if you decide to turn the tables and spoil him with affection? You're going to be stuck with him forever.

🤍♦️ He will stay in bed with you all night, every night, even though he doesn't sleep. The fact that you are comfortable enough with him to fall asleep in his arms, even when he hasn't thoroughly exhausted you, has him almost in tears. He'll wake you up in the morning by covering your face in kisses!

🤍♦️ Ferid is capable of being a fantastic romantic partner, but it takes a special kind of person to be able to draw it out of him, and then to be able to handle how needy he gets when you finally do manage it. But chances are, if you're the kind of person that would willingly beg for his attention, you're the kind of person that can handle it!

#owari no seraph x reader #seraph of the end x reader #ferid bathory x reader #ferid bathory #ons ferid x reader #ons ferid

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

Hey! Saw your headcanons post and wanted to ask for some general relationship stuff for Squall. FF8R is gonna kill me from anticipation alone!

I know right! I actually just finish 8 the week they announce it!

squall is very protective of with s/o whenever you doing a thing or someone is talking to you he just watches from a distance.

his the little spoon in the relationship hold this boy he needs it!

he likes dates that are only with his s/o. prefers to stay at home dates and just be by his s/o.

 doesn’t like PDA if likes showing his affection in private.

if his s/o gives him PDA he turns his head and blushes and mumbles to himself.

he secretly loves dog please get one with him.

his favorite thing to do his s/o is sleeping and cuddling.

he falls asleep real face if you run your fingers through his hair.

just really like to chill with you and listen to alt-rock.

lowkey likes to watch romantic movies with his s/o.

#Squall Leonhart #squall x reader #squall leonhart imagine #squall imagine #headcanons

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

FF8 boys: Laying your head on their lap

Squall Leonhart

Absolutely not.

No no no.

This man cannot people even if he tries. He's a lot more empathic and thoughtful than he may seem at first glance, but that does not by any means translate into his interactions with others. Honestly if he considers you a friend that's already a miracle in and of itself.

So laying your head on his lap? That's pushing it. He'll just ignore you and push you away if you try to get anywhere near him.

Unless he has a soft spot for you

In which case if you insist, he might eventually agree, albeit hesitantly.

He is awkward and stiff. Honestly not the best cushion. But he's entertaining your request so that has to mean something, right?

He won't ever let you do this in front of the others though. Only when it's the two of you someplace private. But of course the others always find you two somehow. Zell never shuts up about it. Squall hates it.

He'll just sit there and cross his arms while he waits. "Are you done yet?" He may seem disgruntled but he never forces you to get up sooner than you have to.

A solid 7/10. Good support. Not very receptive to whatever your issue is, but his presence makes you feel safe.

Zell Dincht

It's definitely a lot easier to get this guy to agree. Even if he'll find it a bit weird, he'll do it since you're a friend.

Not the best cushion because he keeps fidgeting around. He's just not the kind of guy to sit still, but he'll try his best to do so until you feel better. He'll also just ramble on and on and easily entertain a conversation with you.

The other students will definitely tease him about it but he'll shrug it off, saying he's just helping out a friend. That's what a good friend does!

But if he has a crush on you... Hoo boy

When he crushes, he crushes hard

He's not exactly discreet about his excitement to have his crush's head on his lap. A very "WHOA! REALLY??" kind of reaction.

He fidgets even more if that's even possible. Can't sit still, won't sit still. And he just won't shut up. And he'll also tell everyone.

So that's either really annoying or really endearing. Up to you.

Doesn't really matter when or where it is, he'll let you do it if you ask him, especially if you look tired or upset.

6/10. Amazing emotional support, but he really needs to learn to sit down.

Irvine Kinneas

Your go-to man.

Out of the group he's probably the most empathic about your situation. He's a self-proclaimed loner so he has lots of time to mull over his emotions and understands the stress you're going to.

He'll agree without a moment's hesitation. Anywhere, anytime. If Squall or anybody else scolds you for slacking off he'll shoo them and sit there until you feel better.

He's the kind of guy who'll speak to you in a low, calm voice or not speak at all, if that's what you prefer. If you're okay with it he'll play with his hair a bit to soothe you.

But of course, this is Irvine so he'll definitely throw in some flirty remarks and try to fluster you. The kind of silly things that'll make you giggle, so whether you return his affections or not he doesn't mind. He's just happy you're cheering up a bit.

Honestly if you're comfortable with it he'll probably ask for you to return the favour every now and again, when he needs it.

If he has a crush on you the hints of care in the way he holds you and shushes to you will be so obvious.

He'll probably brag about it to your friends and just isn't shy to admit it.

Solid 10/10. Very comfy and good emotional support.

Laguna Loire

You could be a complete stranger and he wouldn't turn you down.

This guy just has such a heart of gold. Anyway he can help others, he will. Even more so if it's someone he holds dear.

The request will probably stump him for a moment, he'll have a sort of 'uh, ok' kind of reaction, but afterwards you're good to go. It's not that he finds your request odd, it's just that he'd never think someone would go to him for that kind of thing.

He's also really good at hugs btw

He manages to sit still but can't keep his mouth short. He'll just ramble on and on and on, and he'll get embarrassed if you ask him to be quiet for a minute because he'll feel like he's talking too much.

But his stories are welcomed, if anything. They're silly and fun and keep your mind off whatever's bothering you.

If he has a crush on you, he'll ramble even more and his leg cramps will definitely act up. Poor guy.

He'll probably ask you if you want to go grab a snack or go outside a bit after a couple minutes. While he isn't as hyperactive as Zell, you can't expect the guy to sit there for half an hour either.

Solid 8/10. Very comfy and fun.

#ff8 #final fantasy 8 #ffviii #final fantasy viii #squall leonhart x reader #squall leonhart #zell dincht x reader #zell dincht #irvine kinneas x reader #irvine kinneas #laguna loire x reader #laguna loire #ffviii headcanons #ff8 headcanons #final fantasy 8 headcanons #final fantasy viii headcanons #final fantasy 8 x reader #final fantasy viii x reader #ff8 x reader #ffviii x reader #final fantasy 8 fanfiction #final fantasy viii fanfiction #ff8 fanfiction #ffviii fanfiction #dissidia 012 #dissidia final fantasy #final fantasy dissidia #fluff #headcanons

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

HUGE trigger warning for trauma, mental, emotional, verbal, panic and anxiety attacks and possible ptsd.

Okay...So..I would like to take a moment to explain why my writing; be it writing posted on here in terms of fanfics and headcannons or just replies to other things; has been practically non existent; because I know that's exactly what it's become; aside from small thoughts I've had and things I've reblogged and other things that aren't writing related. I would like to preface this by saying this is not a cry for sympathy; or an excuse; I know it's also my fault for letting what I am about to disclose affect me to this point; but.. Yeah I felt it was well more then time to come clean about my reasoning and be completely transparent. So... Yeah.. Hah.. Okay.. So.. For the past seven years; up until 2023 and now 2024; I have been forced to deal with horrible emotional, mental, verbal and at times physical abuse from my dad's former partner; all of which he was not able to do anything because during that time he was also dealing with mindgames from her on his end; that includes her holding my little half brother over his head. I was not able to get away from her and had no means of escape except from the brief trips to places I would go as a means to get away from her; including the times where Covid was around and I had been exposed to it; no I did not end up catching it thankfully. I would go out with my mask; even if it was just to the dairy because I wanted any means of escape from her. This included long and extended trips libraries where I would stay with my computer until it closed; internet cafes; out with my mother; my dad's friends etc; among other things that I will not go into because I don't feel it's right to share that on my blog. This is about my experience not his. The reason why I was not able to get away from her is because I had no means; and the housing market is still incredibly difficult over in my country. We only got the house we are at now from sheer luck and I am still on the benefit because of reasons I do not feel comfortable disclosing. I will however list all of the things that I was forced to deal with while under her roof; the very roof of the place that I still refer to as ' my prison ' because that's exactly what it was. It wasn't a home to me. It was a prison, a cage that I was stuck and trapped inside without any means of escape; the only hope being in the form of my friends on discord; quotev; my dad; my mother and other family friends. To keep it brief I will now list off everything that I endured at her hands. First and foremost the insults and verbal abuse. Below is every single thing that she called me; in no particular order.

Bitch

Useless bitch

Fat, ugly, bitch

Useless cunt

Fat, lazy bitch

Lazy cunt

Maggot

Faggot

Retard

Useless Tart

Ugly Tart

Cow

A fucking liar

Now I will write down the rest; again in no particular order.

Isolating me from practically everyone and forcing me to be in my room every single day from the time she was pregnant with my little half brother because ' I was being rude and antisocial ' because I was on my computer in the lounge. As well as due to me not being around her because I wanted to stay the hell away from her, any and every time she was over; which was almost every single day; at all the three houses we jumped from; the last I still refer to as my prison.

Would pretend to be nothing short of lovely, kind, happy and nice when anyone else was around and then go right back to how she was with me when it was only her and me ' home. '

Attempting to turn my dad against me dad, poison our relationship out of envy and jealousy as well my and my dad's thoughts about my own mother because she doesn't like my mother.

Verbally; mentally and emotionally degraded; insulted and shamed me every. Single. Time I would not do what she wanted while she treated me as a live in slave; including at one point practically ordering me to stay behind to do the dishes when I was leaving to go to the course I was going to; while she would sit in the lounge and watch things using the internet that I pay for myself. This would later turn to full blown screaming and yelling at me along with calling me a tart at ' the prison. ' During this whole time my dad would not be there and at work. She stopped pretending by the third house and before we moved to the house we're currently renting.

Attempted to cut off really the only emotional support that I had at the time by turning off the again my internet because ' I was talking to my friends about her. ' only to stand in my way; blocking me from getting to the Modem; and saying she would turn it back off again as soon as I went into my room.

Devaluing any of my accomplishments such as me achieving a level 3, 2 certificate in Retail; level 2 in hospitality and my NCEA at the courses I was going to because i dropped out at school because of bullying before evily grinning when I would just stare at her incredulously.

Made me doubt my sanity by constantly going ' No I didn't! ' and so on.

Emotionally manipulated me and love bombing me by acting all sweet, caring, kind and loving to me while calling me honey and etc. I also remember her; during the first few years at one point pretending I was her daughter when around some of her family so I could get a necklace from one of her family members; and interrupting me as I was about to say that I wasn't her daughter.

Has shoved me when I was trying to stand up to her and show her I wasn't going to let her walk all over me or push me around; and the second time when I shoved her for calling my mother a crackwhore. And for the first time tried to spin it on me by saying that I had shoved her while she had been holding my little half brother. She wasn't. She shoved me with both hands.

Is the reason why I lost my cat due to neglecting to tell her sister to put her dog- who has killed a cat before- on a leash; the very same cat that I got as a birthday present; who was practically my emotional support animal while dealing with her abuse.

Her responses to anytime I have confronted her on her treatment towards me or any other time I have just stood up to her; has always been ' oh get fucked ' ' whatever. ' ' oh shut up. ' and so on.

Pretended that everything was perfectly fine; while never apologizing; owning up to anything and acting as if nothing at all happened despite how horrible she would be to me.

Never taking accountability; or apologizing; denying everything; turning the blame onto me and making me seem like the villian whenever I would call her out on her bullshit and treatment of me. I would be the one always apologizing and whenever I would I would always get a cold ' whatever. ' ' mhm. '

Prevented my cat- who was at the time a kitten- from being able to settle in by constantly slamming the doors; including cupboard doors and draws; closing the doors; being genuinely horrible to her; forcing her to become an outside cat because ' cats are outside animals ' after my cat had kept her up due to her not letting her explore around the house because ' she didn't want it in the house ' much less settle in due to not slamming things. Saying ' fuck off / get out cat ' kicking at her; because she was my cat.

Accusing me of abusing my kitten because she wouldn't come out from under my bed; due to the fact that she wouldn't stop slamming things; when I looked after her own cat; including feeding it and spending time with it; in the last few years of her life; while she would neglect it; giving it small portion meals and hardly ever spending time with the kitty after my half brother was born. As well as not coming to the funeral we held for her cat.

Pointed at me and said ' do you want him to turn out like that. ' during an argument about my little half brother with my dad. As well as constantly bringing me up in arguements before.

Gaslit me.

Caused me to have a nightmare about her pinning me to the wall; in the hallway of the ' prison ' and choking me with her arm while looking me with a glare and snarl on her expression; with the intent on killing me; which caused me to wake up afraid and to look around; thinking that I was going to find her in the room I was sleeping in.

Attempting to humiliate me in front of my family during a birthday party of mine; including my friends when I had them over for a sleepover. This happened more then once. Again because I hadn't acted as I should as her live in slave.

Has 10000% stolen and sold the necklace that my mother got me for my birthday.

Blatantly lied about things she ' taught me ' to others and ' has done for me ' such as being the one who taught me about my period; to make herself seem like that good one. She didn't. My mother did.

Attempted to exclude both my older brother and me from outings with my dad and her before so it could just be ' her, dad and her older son ' this being before little dude was born.

Just been blatantly petty and passive agressive.

Gone through and caused damange to my older brothers gaming console when me, my dad and my older brother still lived together because ' she was looking for a cord. ' by slaming it down into the box on concrete.

( This and the last two have happened at the new house ) Threatened me with physical assault

Said I should be living on my own; and brought up my age. I am younger then her.

Filmed me with her phone after provoking me

Said that she would and I quote ' would do it again. ' when I confronted her about it for the final time.

Has blatantly and knowingly ignored any and all boundries she knows such as her coming inside; telling me to ' shut up ' that ' it wasn't up to you. ' when I told her to get off my property and take my younger half brother home; and still attempted to turn it around on me when I- understandably pissed- lost it on her and told her to get out and away from my house. Even going so far as to say ' go ahead call them. ' when I threatened to call the police if she didn't. This being after she said she would ' do it again. '

Above is everything I can recall; but as you all can see; I have enough here to be able to write a book on. Thankfully as of 2023 I was finally able to get the hell away from her and escape it; escape her in a house that I have made clear to my dad that I do not want her over; much less setting foot in for longer then a second. I have been on the path to heal; but thanks to the times she has come around; thankfully those are extremely scarce it has not been easy. As a result of all I have endured at her hands it has led me to develop social anxiety; having panic and anxiety attacks at times at the current house; breaking down at work in tears to my boss and having to go home from work while I was dealing with her abuse because my mental state was that horrible; being afraid to leave my room because I didn't want to be around her; having horrible stomach pains and just finding much more difficult to focus; as well as..Losing a big chunk of my passion, love and motivation to write. Which honestly hurts and makes me the angriest and honestly hate her more. Among all the other things, of course.

The fact that she robbed me of a portion of what I love to do the most. My passion and my dream the reason I even started this blog; started writing.

My mental state is slowly but surely getting better thanks to the support of my dad; my mother, family and my beloved friends on Discord and also my plushies; but...It's still hard. I still cannot hear or type her name without wanting to flinch; I still get so on edge every time I hear her voice or just see her; or just the idea of her coming around. To the point where I still lock my downstairs and front door so she can't just walk right in.

I don't like being angry; I don't like hating people; holding grudges; I never have; especially the level I have felt; the levels of pure rage that I have felt due to her; to the point where I have literally trembled and shook from it and my entire body has felt like it was buzzing from it; and the tears I've shed. Good fudge the tears I've shed because of her... A part of me still feels numb; drained, emotionless and not all there and I know it's because of it; the abuse I suffered at her hands; and I honestly can't help but wonder if that feeling is what's left of the genuine love, happiness and joy that I would come to me before I had the misfortune of having her come into my life; the part that was there before she worked to destroy all of who I was from the inside out..

I know that they'll return; I hope they will; I have people around me who love me; want me and care for me and my environment is safe; that'll remain safe; or at least I hope they'll return; but I just miss feeling whole; maybe that's a dramatic thing to say but..I do. Like I said; I don't want sympathy; this isn't a cry for comfort; I don't want an apology from her because I know I'll never get it; this is just me wanting to explain what happened to my writing and why it takes so long for me to respond.

All I do want is to feel complete and whole again. I want to feel the same passion and love for writing as I did before all of this horribleness happened; before a big portion of it was ripped away from me and torn to shreds just because it could be. It's still there of course; and I still love writing but.. I miss feeling it to the extent that I did before all of the above things happened.

I just want my love, my passion for writing back; the parts of me that were ripped from me back; I want to be able to get something out quickly and not take freaking days or weeks or months to do it; like I unfortunately do now. Because of her.

I know they'll come back; they already are thanks to the incredible support and validation from my friends and family and I'm feeling a little bit better day by day; but I know I've also dissapointed and let down a lot of people and I am truly sorry. I know in time this feeling and everything that's been caused by it will fade and I'll feel less incomplete; or at least I hope anyway; and I can feel my love for writing and motivation coming back gradually little by little; I'm on the road to healing after all; but..It's still difficult.

Once again I am very sorry to everyone who I may have and likely disappointed; be it with a request or a response to a roleplay. But..Yeah that's all I wanted to explain. I don't know if I'll delete this..But.. Yeah. Please, do not send any asks or comments on this post commenting on how my dad handled this; he's also a victim in this too because he too has suffered heartache and abuse at her hands.

So...Yeah.. That's why I haven't written anything on here. I'm sorry if this post is so long and a bit extensive but I just.. I just wanted to be as transparent as possible.

#thoughts of a dreamer #living in the state of dreaming #tw: trauma #tw: emotional abuse #tw: emotional manipulation #tw: gaslighting #and a whole other tw's.

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

Watches the new Arlecchino trailer .....Please, for the love of fudge let this trailer be what unleashes a Tsunami of yandere content for Arlecchino, please, please, please there's so little of it. I literally do not understand why people are sleeping on her in terms of yandere content. Just please this is not a want at this point it's a freaking need. Just p l e a s e. x/////x And yes I am a Arlecchino simp I may as well admit it. -////- I already simp for Tartaglia and Scaramouche a-and one....O-Other that I... Refuse to name, so what's one more? x////x But seriously pleassssseeeee let this be what breaks the dam on the yandere content for Arlecchino because I NEED more fudge damn it! D///x

#thoughts of a dreamer #living in the state of dreaming #genshin impact #arleccino genshin

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

So I just got home from going up the mall as I do every Thursday for groceries and to get my money and while I'm walking home the song Sasha by Gumi comes on since it's on my playlist; and now because I listened to it one particular thought is refusing to leave me alone.

HOLY SWEET FUDGE ON A STICK DOES IT FIT SUNDAY, YANDERE SUNDAY AND NON YANDERE, TO A FRIGGING T!

Granted I'm not a Sunday simp; but I listen to the song, I've played the new chapter of Penacony, and I've read the lyrics and holy crap it's. So. Fitting. Especially because of this simple fact: The man THRIVES, lives and breaths off of being in control.

I'm likely not going to ever be able to listen to that song without thinking this now.

#thoughts of a dreamer #living in the state of dreaming #Honkai Star Rail #Sunday

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

aventurine in his boss form x gn!reader, erm monsterfucker (kinda) so nsfw, size kink, tongue fucking, tentacle tongue, claws, oral (both receiving), marking, overstimulation.

this is what came out after listening to monster—and how i cope after 2.1. his boss form and aventurine in general reminds me sm of childe (my genshin's first love :33 lolol) n his foul legacy tbh....

boss form!aventurine who has longer and thicker tongue, making it easy for him to tongue-fuck you. :3 i imagine that the texture is slimy, almost tentacle-like with the way it curls to reach all the right spots—your body can't help but squirm and writhe at the strange but pleasurable sensation spreading across your body. bonus if he is feeling a bit mean, pulling his tongue out whenever you look away or close your eyes—keep looking at him—watch him take you apart, okay?

boss form!aventurine who absolutely loves seeing you gag on his massive cock, watching your drool and his sticky precum mix together, dripping down your chin. oh and how he loves your tears—the way they slowly flows down your cheeks are making him harder, if that's even possible.

boss form!aventurine sinking his nails into your waist, preventing you from squirming away as he tirelessly rams his dick into your gummy walls, leaving even more marks as if the ones in your neck weren't enough. his thrusts are long and hard, the kind that reaches deep enough to kiss the sweet, spongy spot inside you, the intensity forcing you to cum and squeeze his cock harder, milking him dry.

++ this is kind of silly but imagine aventurine, just like in the game, makes you enter the gamble mode—except, he sabotaged the dices and made it so that you will never draw a higher number than his, just so he can overstimulate you as a punishment. 😗

#hsr x reader #hsr x you #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x y/n #hsr x female reader #hsr smut #aventurine x reader #aventurine x you #aventurine x y/n #aventurine smut

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

bestie, no thoughts just aventurine being good with his fingers 😞😞😞 need his fingers in me so bad

lord have MERCY. (hi bff!! ur other ask is in my drafts btw!) nsfw under the cut !!!!

bff u r so right abt this :3 from all the cutscenes n all the story quest dhit i’ve been keepin my eyes on… u can tell that man is good w his fingers like it’s not even a joke anymore… he knows how to work em like magic igs so ?????

i can imagine aventurine jus buying new gloves every now n then cuz he knows u like it ^^ he would trace his fingertips against your thighs, nuzzling close against your neck with such sweetness :(( “what do you think of these gloves, angel? nice, aren’t they? bought them just for you.” and OHH DAYS don’t even get me started w fingering… i can tell u right now he’s probably the best at that n i KNOW he takes pride in it :33

fingering u w his gloves on is a GAME CHANGER. he slid two fingers into your damp heat without hesitation, a chuckle leaving his pretty lips “oh would you look at that.." he groaned, pumping his digits in and out while massaging your bud rhythmically. “already so wet now, are you? your moans filled the room, making his blood boil even more by the second. his rings, ohh his rings. “just wait till I'm inside you, sweetheart.”

“more please, aven… need more of you..”

aventurine grinned wickedly, loving the submission in your voice, pumping his fingers slowly while coating them with your sweet nectar. “like that?" he would ask teasingly, watching as you squirmed beneath his touch. “or do you want something harder? something rougher, hm?”

#aventurine smut #aventurine x reader #hsr smut #aventurine x you #hsr x reader

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

I am so fucking done with this whole fucking day I swear... I won't elaborate why but.. I just.. fucking hell..

#thoughts of a dreamer #living in the state of dreaming

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

Just putting this here: if you're following me and believe that what is currently going on in the VN community, aka the borderline abuse and doxxing that's going on from anons, not the sweetheart anons the asshole anons, then leave my blog right now.

I'm serious. Unfollow me if you truly think that this horribleness is genuinely okay, acceptable or justified to do; because I refuse to have people like that around me.

1) There is ALWAYS two sides to every story.

2) Nothing ever justifies making someone fear for their safety and wellbeing be it mental, emotional or physical and that's exactly what is being done with the doxing and death threats currently being tossed around like a bunch of fucking crazed monkeys throwing dung! Hell that's basically what these kind of anons are at this point, but that would be an insult to monkeys.

I could make more points that really should be fucking human decency that even a tadpole would know, but I won't. After all from what I've heard and seen there's so much bullshit going on, entirely of course from anons, but my heart goes out to everyone being affected by these stupid anons because again like fucking always, the anons and internet are doing what it does and making everything worse.

A friendship being lost is already difficult and heartbreaking enough. I know that for a fact as I know exactly how it feels to lose a close friend. None of you anons who are currently going out of your way to be needlessly cruel are helping or making anything better by doing this. That also goes for others who are currently going through their own difficulties who have been dragged into this vicious circle of needles abuse and hate by you all. Again my thoughts are with all involved.

Step the hell back, look at yourselves and PLEASE for the love of fudge, do fucking better. You're all adults, not three year olds, start acting like it please.

This is the only post I would like to make on this topic, so I likely will not post on this again, but I just wanted to put this here and make it clear where I stand with my opinions on the matter.

I will now close this post off with a repeat of the above one more time for the people in the back.

1) There is ALWAYS two sides to every story.

2) Nothing ever justifies making someone fear for their safety and wellbeing be it mental, emotional or physical and that's exactly what is being done with the doxing and death threats currently being thrown around.

#thoughts of a dreamer #living in the state of dreaming #Visual novel community #I really tried my best to be respectful but my fudge.. #I'm so sick of seeing this happen #it's seriously both infuriating and heartbreaking at the same time. #genuinely wishing everyone not the a hole anons though happy thoughts #peace and safety out and away from this horrible situation. #oh and that the asshole anons fuck right off. sorry. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

HEY YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS

Just because one side did something fucked doesn't give you the go-ahead to do fucked shit back

Yeah, certain parties involved handled shit like shit, but that doesn't give you greenlight to send death threats and doxx people and all that bullshit

Smacktalk is one thing.. ACTIVELY THREATENING SOMEONES SAFETY IS ANOTHER

Cut that shit out

FFS you're all supposed to be fucking adults

I shouldn't have to play fucking babysitter for a bunch of 18+ year olds

You have common fucking sense

Use it

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

Could I please have Nsfw alphabet B, F, K, O for Lyney?

Apparently Lyney is a fan favorite for this one!! I'm glad people think I wrote him okay!!

Lyney x Fem! Reader

TW: 18+ MDNI, body worship, cum eating, unprotected sex, finishing inside, exhibitionism, oral (f. receiving), overstimulation

B ody part - Their favorite body on themselves and on their partner

Such a thin waist, it'd be a shame to not show it off. Lyney loves his stomach, his midriff, his abdomen, whatever you prefer to call it. Such a lean build means his gorgeous body is androgynous, his soft stomach and small waist doing nothing but drawing attention. He loves to lift his shirt to tease you, to show you how soft and beautiful his skin is beneath his clothes. He wants you to grab him by the waist, to hold him there while you worship his body.

On your body though, his interest is lower. Those plush thighs of yours drive him absolutely insane. He can't help but to grab and squeeze them, to sink his fingers into the fat of them. He loves resting his head on them as you pat his head or spreading them and burying his face in their warmth. Slicking them up with his saliva and rubbing his cock between them, using the thickness of them to make himself cum and then licking it off of your flesh.

F avorite position - This goes without saying

You on top is like a work of art. He wouldn't have it any other way. He's so used to being the one putting on shows, that having you do one for him has him cumming without much resistance.

Your hands planted on his chest, your breasts bouncing, your plush thighs on top of his. If he lasts even more than a minute inside you like this, you know something's wrong. All you have to do is sink down onto his cock on top of him, and he's singing out words of praise, telling you how close he is to filling you up and how beautiful you are. Truly a sight to behold.

K ink - One or more of their kinks

An exhibitionist at heart, he loves to be seen, that's with or without you of course. If you're watching he's satisfied, and if he's pounding into you from behind, making you go dumb on his cock, he wouldn't mind a few eyes on him as well. Knowing that someone is seeing him perform gets him going, it makes him fuck you harder and faster, makes him cum quicker but still keep going.

He loves the act of strip teasing. Taking off all your clothes at once is so boring, isn't it? Make it slow. Sensual. He wants to eye up each individual piece of flesh that is exposed after the clothing is removed, he wants to take you in slowly. And he wants to do the same to him. Praise his body as he undresses and he'll praise yours. Words of affirmation going back and forth until the both of your are so desperate to touch each other, that the moment you finally do, it's like animals rutting.

O ral - Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.

Always a giver he is, and he absolutely loves it. His tongue isn't only for gaining the attention of a crowd, he knows exactly what he's doing down there. Lyney can and will talk you through it, lapping at your folds, he'll tell you just how good you taste just for him, and how he'll keep tasting until you can only say his name.

He loves to eat while you're sitting on his face, thighs on his head and the weight of your body comforting him. Lyney loves the way your cunt drips down into his mouth. Heaven is between your legs, he says, and heaven should be clenching around his tongue. He won't let you leave, no, not while he's enjoying his meal. His vice like grip on your legs is tight, keeping your there and his skillful tongue forces another orgasm from your body.

#genshin #genshin x reader #genshin smut #genshin lyney x reader #genshin lyney #genshin lyney smut #lyney smut #lyney x reader #lyney x reader smut #smut #mdni

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

(Here's the Yandere Cheshire Cat Aventurine, I think it's relatively tame? Warning for general yandere behavior and forced kissing/touching, but I think I'd consider this one on the softer side? I hope you like it and that I did the idea justice! I tried really hard to capture the energy of the Cheshire Cat in this one sgdhhkl

Added pic because he has such cat energy here)

If there was one thing you were starting to learn during your time in Wonderland, it was that no one here was to be fully trusted. The deeper you went, the more you realized there were more questions waiting for you than answers. 

Your current predicament started off as a harmless bet with the Cheshire Cat, one you were certain that you’d have a good chance at winning. 

If only you knew that only fools make bets with a madman who has nothing to lose.

“Let’s play a game of hide and seek, Alice. If you find me before I find you, I’ll help you go home.” Those multicolored eyes of his flashed an array of colors at you as your eyes were glued to his manic grin, “But if I find you first…”

You shuddered thinking about the words that followed, trying to push down the fear that was slowly bubbling up inside of you. You did your best not to think about it right now, not to think about the fact that you had promised you’d stay here with him forever if he were to find you first.

“Cheshire? Hello, Mister Cheshire?” You weren’t sure why you were calling out for him as you searched, parting bushes and shrubbery here and there, climbing trees and getting your clothes dirty. You were so desperate, all you wanted to do was find that White Rabbit, return his pocket watch to him, and go home. Instead you were stuck playing a game with a cat who had more screws loose than the Mad Hatter.

You were bewildered as to why he wanted to play this game with you of all people, and also as to why he wanted you to promise you’d stay with him if you lost.

And Aventurine, on the other hand, was absolutely fascinated with you, to say the least. That always grinning cat had taken quite the liking to you during your time here, watching your every move, flicking his tail in excitement as he kept a close eye on you and your adventure.

You climbed back down the tree with a huff, dusting off your clothes the moment you reached the ground. 

That was all it took, that single moment of distraction, for him to dart out and pounce on you.

“Got you,” He said after he tackled you, letting out a light chuckle and pinning you to the ground underneath him. He was already panting hard, pure adrenaline rushing through his veins and excitement bouncing around in the glint in his peculiar eyes. “It seems I’ve won our little game, Alice.” He was grinning ear to ear as always, and his hand reached out to gently stroke your hair.

You were staring up at him with fear written in your expression, trying to squirm away from his touch, and that’s when you felt it. Something brushing against your leg, climbing up it, and coiling itself around you. You flinched at the contact, fearful that it was something absolutely dreadful. Looking down, you realized exactly what it was and recoiled in disgust. It was Aventurine’s kitty tail wrapping around your leg.

“No, it can’t be over just like that…” You mumbled, unwilling to admit defeat so easily despite the fact he already had you trapped underneath him. He moves in even closer, that smirk unchanging as he was impossibly close to you, his lips ghosting right over yours.

“Oh~? Do you want to raise the stakes and continue playing, perhaps~?” He offered, the excitement lacing every single word of his. 

And in your desperation, you couldn’t do anything other than frantically nod your head. You were grasping at any straw you could and you both knew it.

“Good Alice~” He praised you, his voice a soft purr, “It would be boring if you gave up so easily.”

And just like that, he released you, offering a gloved hand to help you up off the ground like a gentleman. You hesitantly took it, but not without a glare in his general direction for tackling you in the first place.

“What… What could you possibly want from me? I don’t have much to offer here, Mister Cheshire…” You admitted truthfully, wanting him to be honest with you about what he was desiring. If only it could be that simple and direct.

“Call me Aventurine,” He told you, which sounded more like a demand than a request. The constant smile on his face continued to unsettle you immensely, and the slight edge of a purr to his voice did little to change your mind about him otherwise. No matter how soft his voice may sound, you know something darker is lurking underneath that sweet smile. It was such a sickly sweet smile, the type of sweet that makes your blood sugar spike and leaves you shaky and on edge the rest of the night.

“Okay, Mister Aventurine…” The sound of his name feels foreign on your tongue, but you force yourself to say it anyway in order to appease him. Who knows, if you play your cards right, maybe he might let his guard down. “Come on now, aren’t we more well acquainted than that, Alice~? Just Aventurine will do,” His voice has a teasing edge to it now, and this new change of his was certainly not welcome. You did not like where this was going, not at all. You didn’t want to become too friendly with him.

You just wanted to win this stupid game against him and have him help you find your way out of here so you could go home.

“The most beautiful person in Wonderland~” He teased, placing his hand on your shoulder, which you promptly brushed off. “Please, Aventurine, just tell me your terms already…” You reminded him of your game bluntly and with a bit of irritation. Not that he took your spiteful tone to heart, no, of course not. You had just called him directly by name and he was so happy. Alice was just a little cranky right now, or that was how he chose to see it, anyway.

Then just like that, he disappears right before your eyes, and your eyes widen in panic.

“Wait, don’t go! Please…” You hate how pathetically your voice breaks, falling to a whisper at the end as you watch him vanish. Perhaps you had been too mean and hurt his feelings. “Please, come back, I’m sorry…” You mutter, genuinely apologetic for the harsh tone you had taken with him just moments before. “You’re my only chance.” “You’re sorry?” He appeared right behind you, draping his body over yours from behind, and you nearly jumped out of your skin. “Oh, Alice, I’m so glad to hear you say that…” He nuzzles his face into yours, brushing his face against you, truly cat-like in every way.

“Don’t push it,” You stiffen in discomfort under his touch, but his grip is too tight for you to be able to pull away from him.

“Alright, my prize if I win… How about a kiss~?” He purrs with satisfaction, leaning in even closer to you.

“No way in hell,” You snap back, feeling extremely uncomfortable with this situation now, and leaning away. “Alright, that’s fair. Then I want you to pet my kitty ears. Surely you can do that much, right~?” He continues rubbing his face against yours, with you trying to fight to get away. His grip on you is too tight. It seems he really likes nuzzling against you.

“That’s… more reasonable.” You admit reluctantly, “What’s the game?”

It seems a cat will do anything to be pet. “I can create illusions of myself,” He says, “If you can find the real me, you win. But if you pick one of the illusions, then you can’t go home, and you have to pet my ears.”

That sounds more simple than you were expecting, so you nod in agreement. 

“Now, Alice… This time, you’re going to chase me~” He snatches away the pocket watch you had been wearing around your neck, the one you needed to return to the White Rabbit in order to leave this place.

He’s taking off before you can try to get it back from him.

“Wait! I need that!” You immediately start chasing after him, tripping over branches the entire way. “Then you better find me quickly, right~?” He blurs, and then suddenly there’s about five of him. Or wait, no, ten…? Completely identical copies, all running in opposite directions through the forest. 

“Oh, and if you don’t catch me in time, I’ll be destroying the pocket watch.” He says, as if he didn’t know your chances of going home hinged on that single object. His voice echoes as each of the illusions speak.

But how are you to find the real one?

You bite your lip, trying to think. Looking at each of them to see if you can spot any differences. And that’s when you notice it… The fact that the one that just ran past you is missing the collar around his neck, the one that goes between his shirt. Didn’t the real Cheshire Cat have a collar there? That must be the answer.

You dart past each one. Nope, not that one. Not that one either.

And then you spot him. The one that does have the collar, the one who is smirking and holding the pocket watch. You begin chasing that one specifically, but he’s too fast. You can’t keep up with him. You try your best to keep your eyes on him, but he keeps darting in between the trees, obscuring your vision. Two more run past, and then you’ve lost him among the others again.

You curse silently to yourself, realizing quickly that you’re running out of time. You know he won’t hesitate to break it, your only way out. He was playing with you, toying with you like this was all just a game to him.

Then you spot him dangling upside down from the tree above you, holding the pocket watch teasingly above your head. He leans in to steal a kiss from you, but you yank him hard by the collar around his neck so he can’t escape. You attempt to snatch the pocket watch back and away from him, but it’s just barely out of your reach.

“Please,” You say, “I just want to go home.” You start to cry. In what seems like a moment of mercy, a moment of pity as he looks at you, Aventurine hands you the pocket watch, putting his finger over his lips as he does so.

Relief floods you. He actually gave it back? Just like that?

And then he disappears, and the pocket watch you’re holding along with it.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” You demanded, “I found you fair and square! Why are you cheating? Give it back!” “Oh Alice, I’m not cheating. That was one of the illusions.” He steps out of the clearing, smiling and showing you the pocket watch broken into pieces. He throws it to your feet. Your only hope was crushed, literally and metaphorically.

“But… I thought it was the real you… The others didn’t have your collar.” “Yes, that was a diversion from the real difference.” He says, barely above a whisper.

“And what’s the real difference…?”

He points to his chest.

“The real me loves you so much, I wouldn’t hesitate to break that damn watch so you can never go home again.”

“No…” You say in disbelief.

“That was merely a distraction so the real me had time to break it without your interference,” He says simply, grinning victoriously and flashing his sharp, cat-like teeth at you.

“No!” You repeat, falling to your knees and desperately trying to piece back together the broken watch. "That's against the rules! You said you would break the watch after the game if I lost, not during it!" 

“Hmmm, I did say that, didn’t I~?” He teases you, and his smile looks even more unsettling. You can see the pure infatuation for you in his eyes. “But what you need to realize is that we don’t always play fair here in Wonderland, especially if it means getting what we want.”

You almost cut your hand on the glass while trying to piece it back together, but there was no hope. Now the White Rabbit would never take you home.

Exactly as Aventurine wanted. He places your hand on his kitty ears, and helps you move your hand so you’re petting him. You’re too weak and crying too much to pull away.

“Don’t look so sad, Alice.” He says, pulling you into a kiss, a real one this time. When he pulls away, he’s rubbing at your bottom lip with his thumb in an intimate fashion. “Now we can play together forever.”

#yandere aventurine #yandere aventurine x reader #yandere honkai star rail #yandere hsr #yandere hsr x reader #yandere hsr x you #aventurine #aventurine honkai star rail #aventurine x reader #hsr aventurine