lg-secretsx

[lg-secretsx]

Hello! I’m new to the Dom/Sub scene, and I have a few questions and was directed your way.

I am a submissive who is with a long term Dominate (together almost 6 years) we recently discovered more things we are into and I have been making a list of limits and so has he. What are some important things to know/do? When making our lists should be as specific as even stating names we like to be called? Any advice to make this as pleasurable and fun as possible is greatly appreciated!

Hi! Awesome, this is super exciting and I love that you guys are being so open and doing this activity to make things more intimate & exciting. Also congrats on 6 years, that takes some serious commitment & effort!

I think it's definitely a good idea to list out things you are both into, not just things you DON'T want/limits. Keeps it positive :)

I would check out this post: Questions to Ask Your Sub for Intimate, Safe, & Hot D/s. This should give you some ideas on what to include in your lists that are both sexual and non-sexual in nature. I also think asking each other these questions would be a cool activity to do together in addition to the lists. A lot of the questions can just be reversed for you to ask him.

I would create your lists as a chart with these categories:

Things I Like/Want | Things I'm Curious About | Soft Limits | Hard Limits

Soft limits are things that might cross your boundaries but you might try or consider in the future, whereas hard limits are definite no-gos.

Specifics like names you like to be called are great. If you know those things already, that's awesome. But there are also probably things you don't know yet, so don't stress if you feel like you don't have enough on your list or don't know some of the answers to the questions in that post.

Important: You & your partner will not align on every kink. So as you get deeper into kink together, pay attention to the difference between things that really turn you off/make you uncomfy vs. things that just don't do much for you but you're willing to do to make them happy.

For example, my ex-dom & I both had a piss kink, but he was more into me drinking it (sorry if this is TMI or gross). Drinking it didn't really turn me on, but it didn't really gross me out or make me uncomfortable so I did it because I knew he found it hot. On the other hand, he was also into rim jobs, but that was a hard limit for me so he just had to compromise & accept that that wasn't gonna happen.

On that note, you may want to also check out this post I wrote on boundaries. That's a little bit more directed at people who want to bring the power dynamic into their everyday lives.

I hope this helps!! Feel free to ask anything else as it comes up while you two explore. Enjoy :) 💌

[lg-secretsx]

Hello, I have some questions and a need for advice, if that's ok. I've read a lot about Dom/Sub type of relationships, and part of me wants to try to find someone with the dynamic that I'm looking for, but I think that I fall in to all of the "red flag" criteria that people warn Doms about. I don't know what my limits are. I can't find out until they're done to me. I don't know how to say no. I am not assertive. I don't react to things with facial expressions, or even tone of voice. I've yet to react sexually to anything. I am everything that a Dom would avoid. Should I just lie? Is it worth it?

Hey there, happy to help! Overall, I think you have some valid concerns about things that could make being a sub less safe and healthy. But the fact that you have those concerns actually sets you up to be safer and healthier because it shows you know what you need to work on to take care of yourself when you get into D/s.

I am not in the business of telling people not to pursue their sexual and romantic desires. Submitting is fun and liberating for a lot of people, so if it's something you want, I want to encourage you to find a way to be able to pursue it in a way that's good for your emotional, sexual & mental wellbeing. And I think you can! It's just about finding a partner that you feel safe with, can trust, and can actually share all of these concerns (and more) with so that the two of you can figure out the healthiest dynamic together.

To address some of your concerns specifically:

I don't know what my limits are. I can't find out until they're done to me. This is totally normal. I can see why you would have the impression that you need to know all of this because a lot of people on Tumblr go around posting lists of their kinks and limits. But that is mostly stuff that's learned through trust, trial, & communication.

I don't know how to say no. I'm not assertive. A looott of subs are not assertive. That's actually why many of us like submitting - it relieves us of the uncomfortable pressure to assert ourselves. But we have safe sex by working with our partner to figure out ways to tell them what we want & don't want, even if responding via facial expressions etc. doesn't come naturally for you.

Also, the fact that you know that saying no is hard for you shows that, at the very least, you are aware of when you want to say no. A good partner will check in with you often and give you open opportunities to say no. Even if you have slip-ups (not saying no when you wish you had), being aware of what you didn't like gives you the ability to bring it up to your Dom in a conversation later so they know for next time.

That said, you need to practice saying no. I understand that it's hard for you, but by flat-out saying that you don't know how to do it you are making the choice to keep always saying "yes" because it's easier. Do the hard thing, starting with things that are totally non-sex related. Say no. You're worthy of having what YOU want, and people who reject you for that are not worth your energy, love, or attention.

Remember that D/s is something that 2 people build together over time. Don't date a Dom who says they know everything -- they're just going to lay whatever they want on you. Date a real person, get to know them, share your curiosities, have open conversations, and explore your sexuality together. You just need to be able to communicate.

The only times I would really advise against someone being a sub is if they have very very low self worth or internalized misogyny and are using submission as a means of self-harm. And even in that case, I still think they could submit to a Dom who is aware of their issues (and larger societal pressures) and wants to show them what loving dominance can look like.

Hope this helps :) 💌

[lg-secretsx]

Missed you too

Re secrets

My Daddy had been ignoring me for days at a time for about 2 months now... only texting maybe if he's horny, but even then dropping mid convo

I spent weeks searching for every crumb of attention and being for him to talk to me and tell me why the change

But no more. I respond when he texts, but that's it, and I don't rush to do so.

I feel a tiny bit guilty, but I'm also starting to talk to someone new.

Should I just end it? He told me he put my collar on me, so he'll tell me if we're through, so maybe I should just stop talking to the new guy?

Just hurt and sad and feeling like im a bad little no matter what I choose

fuck him, leave, find someone else who gives you attention for free

[lg-secretsx]

hii! sorry to disturb u but i just found ur blog and i found a lot of comfort and education from ur posts! i’m currently in a dd/lg relationship with my bf but we haven’t really set any clear rules regarding that part of our relationship. like, i want him to create a clear list of rules for me to follow and discipline/reward me for my behavior but i’m anxious to tell him. i don’t think he would be upset or anything but i don’t want it to be too much for him/make him uncomfortable. i also wanna lean a lot more into my little side in terms of using little gear, onesies and “little girl” clothes, being bottle fed and honestly maybe even using pull ups but i’m WAY too embarrassed to tell him that lol. anywho, do with this what you will and thank you for reading!

Hey! I'm glad my posts make you happy :)

I think this is an understandable concern and it really depends on the relationship. In my last (& only) dd/lg relationship, I got a little carried away with dd/lg (and I do NOT mean anyone should limit themselves, but I was going beyond who I really was/wanted). My ex's communication style was not good & he never fully expressed that it was too much for him, too.

So I would say, if you both are generally open and honest with each other about anything, this shouldn't be any different. However, if he is the type of person who is a people pleaser and doesn't express his needs, you'll have to take a little more lead in the convo & directly ask him how he feels about certain things. Tell him you don't want to do it if he's not at least *curious* about it / willing to try, and that you care that he's happy with the dynamic too.

I would also start small - the first thing you mentioned about rules & rewards is a good place to start & gauge how he feels about it because that is pretty common and it's where a lot of people start. If he's opposed, ask him why. This could give you an idea about whether or not he would be into other things.

At the end of the day, I think you should be honest with your partner about your desires and fantasies. Obviously, wait till you really trust that person and have been vulnerable about a variety of things besides D/s. But if y'all are already there, you should be able to express this stuff even if it doesn't end up happening.

The most important part of any relationship is to be seen & heard so I hope this answer helps you get there <3

[lg-secretsx]

[lg-secretsx]

but i did // 2.13.2017

[lg-secretsx]

romance and sex are not the same !!!!!!

#feelings #why do i keep seeing posts of guys saying their girlfriend asked them to be more romantic #and their response to that is to turn the situation sexual #like wtf #that’s so disappointing and sad #stole her tags

[lg-secretsx]

hii! sorry to disturb u but i just found ur blog and i found a lot of comfort and education from ur posts! i’m currently in a dd/lg relationship with my bf but we haven’t really set any clear rules regarding that part of our relationship. like, i want him to create a clear list of rules for me to follow and discipline/reward me for my behavior but i’m anxious to tell him. i don’t think he would be upset or anything but i don’t want it to be too much for him/make him uncomfortable. i also wanna lean a lot more into my little side in terms of using little gear, onesies and “little girl” clothes, being bottle fed and honestly maybe even using pull ups but i’m WAY too embarrassed to tell him that lol. anywho, do with this what you will and thank you for reading!

Hey! I'm glad my posts make you happy :)

I think this is an understandable concern and it really depends on the relationship. In my last (& only) dd/lg relationship, I got a little carried away with dd/lg (and I do NOT mean anyone should limit themselves, but I was going beyond who I really was/wanted). My ex's communication style was not good & he never fully expressed that it was too much for him, too.

So I would say, if you both are generally open and honest with each other about anything, this shouldn't be any different. However, if he is the type of person who is a people pleaser and doesn't express his needs, you'll have to take a little more lead in the convo & directly ask him how he feels about certain things. Tell him you don't want to do it if he's not at least *curious* about it / willing to try, and that you care that he's happy with the dynamic too.

I would also start small - the first thing you mentioned about rules & rewards is a good place to start & gauge how he feels about it because that is pretty common and it's where a lot of people start. If he's opposed, ask him why. This could give you an idea about whether or not he would be into other things.

At the end of the day, I think you should be honest with your partner about your desires and fantasies. Obviously, wait till you really trust that person and have been vulnerable about a variety of things besides D/s. But if y'all are already there, you should be able to express this stuff even if it doesn't end up happening.

The most important part of any relationship is to be seen & heard so I hope this answer helps you get there <3

#ask #tips #advice #dd/lg #bd/sm #kink #dd/lg relationship

[lg-secretsx]

it's okay to take a long time to heal. it doesn't mean the pain will last forever.

[lg-secretsx]

10 Reminders for Dealing with Shame in Kink

Something I see frequently in asks and messages is people feeling ashamed about their kinks, whether or not somebody has said something to shame them. So I wrote some affirmations to tell yourself if you ever feel this way. 💖

I can't control what I like, but I can choose to accept myself

For every kink I have, somebody else has it too

My kinks aren't hurting me or anyone else

The kind of sex in TV and movies is unrealistic (and boring)

It's liberating and powerful to know what I like

My desires are sexy and beautiful

I give no control to people who try to make me feel bad about my kinks

My kinks make me unique

Owning my sexuality is an act of self love

I'm human

#this post is on fire rn #glad it helps

[lg-secretsx]

Ghost pumpkin

[lg-secretsx]

[lg-secretsx]

um *finds happiness despite it all*

[lg-secretsx]

me and my mutuals getting ready to start halloween blogging

[lg-secretsx]

I'm in love with my client, he called me while I was masturbating and then I hung up and came

....also I am gonna answer my asks today

[lg-secretsx]

Have you and your ex had any contact sine the breakup? Any closure?

Hmmm. It ended badly, almost 2 years ago now. I endured a lot of grief and did not handle it well, so we ended up in a really bad place. I've sent him messages here and there and asked to meet up once or twice, but he mostly does not want to speak to me. The last time we texted he said something about how I'm a good person and deserve the success and happiness I've been experiencing. So that was my closure, knowing that he still has respect and care for me even after the toxic breakup.

#ask

[lg-secretsx]

#cute