kysiori

[kysiori]

Spellbound

you might be void of feelings i fear i haven’t felt for anyone

synopsis// by no means did you hate soulmates, you just hated that he was your soulmate. not like megumi was ecstatic that he was your soulmate either. but that’s fine, both of you found someone else to keep you company.

status// ongoing

updates// everyday unless said otherwise

warning// dating app!au, soulmate!au, college!au, no curses!au, enemies(?) to lovers, profanity, megumi and y/n are edgy pieces of shit <3, kys jokes, crack humor? i’m going back to my cringe 2020 smau roots with reaction images id say i’m sorry but i’m not, if any characters or dynamics r ooc take that up with the universe not me !!

☆ this smau wasn’t inspired by a song but the title was!! ‘twas inspired by spell strike by provoker, so besides the title and lyrics on here the song holds little to no relevance :) ☆

you might be the only one

might be the only one for me

feeling 1. young and stupid

feeling 2. child of divorce

feeling 3. no schedule just vibes

feeling 4. six feet under

feeling 5. this is my fight song

feeling 6. success rate

feeling 7. lone wolf

feeling 8. dumpster fire

feeling 9. retail therapy

feeling 10. be normal

feeling 11. the enemy has been defeated

feeling 12. enemies to lovers irl

feeling 13. exorcism

feeling 14. shut ur up

feeling 15. winner

feeling 16. hip hip hooray

feeling 17. swiped right!

feeling 18. silly little mystery

feeling 19. for no reason

feeling 20. i guess so

feeling 21. sigh of relief

feeling 22. relationship territory

feeling 23. don’t hmu

feeling 24. major in loser

feeling 25. fight club

feeling 26. jigsaw

feeling 27. ghosting

feeling 28. cold shoulder

feeling 29. before marriage

feeling 30. meant to be

feeling 31. a hunch

feeling 32. survival of the fittest

feeling 33. he knows

feeling 34. so close yet so far

feeling 35. (disrespectfully)

feeling 36. regressing

feeling 37. take pity

feeling 38. telepathy

feeling 39. betrayed

feeling 40. two birds with one stone

feeling 41. dead end

feeling 42. mass hysteria

feeling 43. an apology

feeling 44. baby’s first reciprocated love

feeling 45. psychological warfare

feeling 46. jealous

feeling 47. a facade

feeling 48. learning to coexist

feeling 49. with you

feeling 50. useless E information

feeling 51. good idea

feeling 52. break the peace

feeling 53. enjoy the peace

feeling 54. revenge

feeling 55. tolerable

feeling 56. catastrophic

feeling 57. fumbled

feeling 58. easier than you think

feeling 59. no downtime

feeling 60. caught red handed

feeling 61. for good

feeling 62. replace megumi with megumi

feeling 63. delicate

feeling 64. best bet

feeling 65. valid question

feeling 66. devils incarnate

feeling 67. patience is a virtue

feeling 68. grow and change as a person

feeling 69. megumi truthers

feeling 70. knock on wood

feeling 71. come find me

feeling 72. cryptic

feeling 73. more than aware

feeling 74. see the future

feeling 75. trying to be nice

feeling 76. why do you hate me

feeling 77. knight in shining armor

feeling 78. perfect paradox

feeling 79. idgaf war

feeling 80. stay like this forever

feeling 81. baby bird

feeling 82. found your way back

feeling 83. heart racing

feeling 84. loverboy activities feeling 85. megumi this megumi that feeling 86. protect you feeling 87. flirt back feeling 88. wingmen feeling 89. in love with megumi allegations feeling 90. more broken feeling 91. gets shirtless again feeling 92.

#risaзεreposts

[kysiori]

were on the second month and I haven't put anything out yet🫠🫠

new year, new fics😋 (hopefully)

#risaзεrants

[kysiori]

new year, new fics😋 (hopefully)

#interested in making smaus #risaзεrants

[kysiori]

the way i abandoned this account😹

#risaзεrants

[kysiori]

"never trust how you feel abt ur life after 9pm" is a spring & summer & fall rule. for winter it's never trust how u feel abt ur life after 4pm

[kysiori]

Talk to Me (Haitani Rindou x GN!Reader)

Genre/Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Established relationship, Bonten Timeline

Warnings: none (let me know if there is one!)

Word count: 1.6k

Synopsis: The many times that you’re afraid of opening up to your busy boyfriend, and the one time that you’re finally opening up, and it’s when you’re about to break up with him.

｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

You’ve been in relationships before, if not a couple, then maybe a few. The moment you entered one with Rindou, you knew what you signed up for, and were ready to be the one to understand him when he needs it the most. After all, you’ve always longed back then to be understood, so you did to others what you wanted others to do for you.

“Hmm... yeah, okay. Yeah, it’s... yeah I’ll be there in five.” Rindou spoke, sighing through the intercom of his phone. He turns to you with a tired, sad smile. Another night spent due to an emergency meeting with his gang. If not the late nights he comes home to, it’s always the spontaneous meetings held at God knows what hour.

“I’m sorry, love. I know you prepared hard for dinner, but—”

You cut him off, knowing full well that the call was from his brother, informing him of an urgent meeting.

“Rin, it’s fine. I’ll just leave some for you, don’t worry.” You smiled in understanding, a routine you’ve come to know for some time now. And yet, you hoped he doesn’t notice the distant and forlorn look you gave.

Rindou approaches you with soft steps, kissing your forehead. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” And like a routine, a string of promises that was to be left broken was spoken.

He’d just gotten home from his recent task and now he’s leaving again. The man barely even having time to clean up the residue blood on his hands.

The door clicks, and you heave out a heavy sigh. You’ve been meaning to open up your situation to Rindou. The lonely nights spent in his high end apartment and yet no warmth is felt. Almost as if you were single and alone back in your dingy apartment. The cold seeping through every corner and nipping at the seams of your lonely soul.

You signed up for it, and yet you’re somehow starting to feel the deep gnawing regrets. You want out. You want to save yourself from the impending doom that is your failing relationship.

Maybe....

｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

Another week passes. Aside from your work at home keeping you preoccupied, there was actually nothing else left for you to mull over, other than the fact that you’ll have to eventually break it off with Rindou.

Days spent purposely avoiding him — like that’s actually hard, considering he’s almost never home — plotting your supposed break up.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be....

“Y/n!” You flinch at the voice, looking up to see Rindou sitting across from you, giving you a worried look.

Right. He’s invited you to dinner at a fancy restaurant. Reserving a private room with a view, only for you two’s enjoyment.

“Are you okay? Are you not feeling well? We can go home, it’s okay, I don’t mind.” Rindou stands up from his seat, about to go to your side to check if you’re feeling feverish, but you stopped him.

“No, it’s fine... I’m just... thinking.” You mutter. You look out the window, admiring the city lights, ignoring the fact that dinner arrived long ago. You just didn’t feel the appetite right now. Not when something is eating away at your attention.

“Tell me what you’re thinking of, love,” Rindou whispers, taking your hand in his, very gently placing a delicate kiss on the back of your hand.

There’s a pause before you gathered the courage to lay bare all your feelings.

“I just think that... we’re both hurting ourselves.”

Rindou’s heart skips a beat. Not in that positive way, as it came with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. And you felt the way his hand tenses.

He had an idea on where this was going, but he lets you speak. Blindly hoping it wouldn’t go to where he thought it’s going.

“I know you’re busy and all. You rarely come home, and when you do, you don’t even stay for more than 10 minutes before you’re called back for a meeting. And I’ve been so understanding..” He watches the distant and broken look you gave watching the city lights blink like stars. He hasn’t any idea that this was what you’re feeling. And it tears him apart.

“I.. wished I had more patience... But I can only handle so much, Rin.” You finally look back at him. Eyes glossy of the tears that were pooling your eyes. “Rin, I—”

He cuts you off. Tightly holding the hand that were enveloped in his, face burying against it as you see his form shake lightly. An indication of the tears that has been streaming down his purple orbs.

“Please... please don’t say it. Please...” He sounds so broken that you wished you didn’t bring up the topic and just let things be. But how could you when you were hurting as well?

“You’re all I have. You’re the purest thing I have left in this stupid, dark world.” Rindou wasn’t one for romantic and poetic things, but for him, you were basically his light. His sun.

But it was also him who didn’t see his very on sun’s dimming light.

You didn’t know what to say other than, “what difference would we make, Rindou? Aren’t you tired of always coming home late in the night? You barely even get rest! We barely see each other anymore!” You don’t mean to raise your voice. Not even at Rindou. But with the pent up feelings, you had no other outlet other than raising your tone. Any other way would have been unhealthy and make things worst for the both of you.

Rindou cries. He doesn’t ever, but it’s you, the love of his life, on the verge of slipping away from him.

And he thinks back on what you said.

Yes. He’s tired. He’s so fucking tired of it. He’s so tired, and yet he can’t do a thing about it. He’s but a pawn, and leaving could, and would possibly endanger both of you.

The only thing that anchors him is the fact that he comes home to your warmth. Even if the strings of regret chokes him every morning at the thought of leaving you without even saying words like, “I’ll be off to work now,” or the simple and moving things like, “Stay safe.” He savors it.

And all those realization makes him want to fight for you. It’s urging him to save the dying flame that is you two’s relationship.

“I’m tired. But coming home to you is what gives me hope. It’s what drives me to do things efficiently and quickly because I want to see more of you. Even if it’s your sleeping form...” He sobs, looking at you with puffy eyes. He hates crying in front of people, but he wants you to know how determined he is. How honest he is.

“Please... give us a chance... I don’t want to be stuck with the thought that we didn’t try hard enough... And you leaving would make a difference...” He pleads, burying his face once more at your clenched hand.

“You’d be taking my heart with you... You’d leave me to be an empty shell...” he whispers brokenly.

Your eyes are starting to hurt from all the crying. But like a storm that clears away, so did your mind. The pent up feelings of loathe and anger, leaving and making way for the you that first fell in love with Rindou.

I don’t want to be stuck with the thought that we didn’t try hard enough...

Like a broken record, it runs in your mind. Shame flooding you, because this man right here who was one of the toughest out there was admitting defeat. Was admitting his mistakes in the relationship. And all you did was somehow put the blame on him in your hazy mind.

Maybe you should have initiated things. Maybe you shouldn’t have taken some things for granted. Maybe you shouldn’t have stopped those little cute messages you send to him from the start of your relationship. Maybe you should have just gathered the courage to be more open to him about your feelings instead of jumping to the resolution that is breaking apart.

“I’m ... I’m sorry,” you stand from your seat, going over to hug Rindou. Your hands tightly clenching at his tuxedo blazer with your tears raining on the expensive material.

Rindou was quick to stand as well, delicately wrapping his arms around your form. “I’m sorry too. I should’ve tried harder for us...”

“No... you did, I was just... too dumb to realize it...” You admit your fault as well, sighing.

Silence was shared between you two. The heavy weight of unwanted feelings finally slipping off both your shoulders as you share warmth that’s different than any other you’ve shared the past months. It wasn’t just you lingering your longing gaze as he leaves after coming home, nor was it Rindou hugging you one-sidedly. This time everything was returned to where it’s supposed to be.

“Wake me up before leaving for work...” you break the silence, making a silent request that made you almost feel like a child asking for candy.

Rindou hums, warmth tickling his chest as he also makes a request, “send me those silly messages again, like you used too.”

You both chuckle, sighing deeply against each other. The establishment’s classical music filling the room through the spaces of the door. And it’s nothing but that, your calmed breathing, and the occasional rustles of clothes as you both swayed side to side.

That night, unlike the other nights, wasn’t taken for granted. It’s like you’re both new lovers all over again, but this time with the promise of honesty and forever.

© July 2022, shinycrybaby. All rights reserved. Reposting is prohibited.

---

A/N:

I actually wrote this when I was having a burnout from studies 🥲 and at that time I was having a really bad brainrot with Rindou 😭 so, that's how this fic is born.

This isn't my first time writing, but this is definitely the first time I'll post my work in the anime fandom, so I hope you guys really enjoy this 🥲🥹

Also! Very very special thanks to Hal! @softbajis As promised, here is me tagging you hehe :3 I hope you enjoyed reading 🥹😭🫶

#risaзεreposts

[kysiori]

DISAPPEARING ACT . rindou often disappears for weeks at a time, showing up at home as if it's nothing. a brief exchange triggers a factory reset in him, but you're not as open to it as he expected you to be...

prompt used "better than me disappearing for good. / is it?"

with married!rindou + fem!reader

warnings cursing. a lot of cursing. angst? rindou is an idiot and possessive.

you never got to see your husband anymore. so much so that you considered the chance of it happening next to nothing. you knew what you were getting into being in an relationships with him; lots of meetings and flights to other cities all meant extended time away from home.

you would've been a little more forgiving had he chosen to tell you these things. but no. morning after morning, you wake up to him gone without a trace, without consideration for how you feel. was he alive? was he with someone else? did he not care enough to call or even send a text?

it was as if you lived alone, and a stranger crashed at your place every once in a while. and while you shared polite exchanges, no amount of small talk could overshadow how bleak your marriage was.

it was eleven days before he showed up again. you were, surprisingly, awake when he returned. he was perfectly groomed, albeit a little jaded, but still regarded you with the same coldness you endured since he started leaving. you missed the warmth of your younger days, where he would hold you close and reassure you that you were meant for each other for life.

you decided today was as good a day as any. heck, he even might be gone tomorrow and it would be like you didn't say anything.

"i'm tired of you disappearing for days and then coming back like it was nothing." you said plainly.

he slipped out of his shoes, looking down at you. rolling his eyes lightly but sighing heavily, he started to pull off his tie. "better than me disappearing for good."

a wry smile spread on your face. oh, if he only knew. "is it?"

those two words sent an arrow straight through his heart.

rindou was silent, pretending as if he didn't hear what you just said. but when you scoffed and walked away, he knew it was too real for him to overlook.

"you don't mean that." it was less of a question and more of a please, don't mean it.

you shrugged and went back to your phone, too benumbed to even look at him.

he stared at you, utterly confused as to how to tackle this. "y/n." he said firmly.

you slowly raised your head to meet his eyes, void of any care. "what?"

"i said, you don't mean that." he stood like a tree in the middle of the living area, palms growing sweaty. he loved you. he couldn't lose you, not when you both went through so much to get here.

"don't i?" you responded, placing your phone beside you. not like i see you anymore, anyway. what's the difference?

"stop fucking talking like that and answer me." he snarled. you rolled your eyes, rising to your feet.

"look, rin. who the fuck cares what i think or say? certainly not you." you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. "just—just forget i said anything." you turned towards your bedroom. "goodnight."

wait. he lunged forward, grabbing your arm and spinning you around to face him, backing you against a wall. caging you with arms on either side of you, he stared into your soul, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of you.

you just stared back.

his heart clenched. yeah, he was away for weeks at a time. of course he didn't tell you. why would he? why would he burden you with that information?

"you really think me going away forever is better?" his voice was a whisper, but held the sharpness of a knife. "huh? you want me gone forever?"

you sighed. "i didn't say i wanted that. i just meant that, either way, it doesn't matter. going away forever, going away for weeks and weeks but only staying for a night..." your eyes met his, glossy but fierce. "it's the same to me. i don't care what the hell you do anymore, rindou. just let me go to bed."

he studied the person he truly loved for so long, wondering when it all went downhill.

you were impatient, ducking under his arms. "shit..." you cursed, rubbing the back of your neck as you walked away.

he watched you go. and he never saw you come back.

the next morning he woke up, expecting to see you in the kitchen or watching tv, but his house was empty.

"y/n?" he called out. no answer. he pulled up his phone. no texts, no calls. he bustled around the house, looking for some indication of where you went and he found nothing.

he called his brother, thinking that he was the next best person you would've gone to, but ran had no contact from you.

rindou sat on the couch, nothing to do but sit and wait. he looked around. everything was well-kept, pristine, and sanitized. it was like no one lived here at all. no one except a lonely spouse in an eternal cycle of wait for a husband that wouldn't even give them the time of day to say, i'm heading out.

i love you.

goodbye.

he leaned back, closing his eyes. he doesn't even say goodbye.

he hated himself for it.

hours passed and he didn't move from the couch. he knew you sat there for much longer, day after day, waiting for him. no wonder you were uncaring. coming home meant nothing if he would simply leave again.

then he heard the click of the door. he practically jumped off the couch, racing over to the entrance. he saw you with a couple groceries hooked on your forearms, struggling to keep the door open long enough for you to slip inside.

he rushed over. yanking the door open with such force, it slammed into the wall causing you to jump. rindou winced a little, steadying the door from swinging wildly.

you eyes met his and your face immediately scrunched with confusion. "what are you doing here?"

"well... it's my house..?" he said dumbly.

you pressed your lips into a line. "hm."

you expected me to be gone again, he thought bitterly. he cleared his throat. "let me help you with these," he alleviated the weight off your arms, bunching up a couple bags and carrying them all in one go. "you know, you could just order them for delivery."

you sidestepped him and walked to the kitchen. "why would i do that?"

"so you can have them brought to you from the comfort of your home." he responded lightly. following robotically, he was unsure where everything was supposed to be put away.

you laughed, catching him off-guard. on closer inspection, though, he knew that wasn't a genuine laugh. "rindou, do you think i want to stay in this place any more than i have to?"

you said it so casually, grabbing a bag from him and stocking the cabinets and fridges.

his stomach swirled with much more unease than he'd ever experienced on the job. it was the way you simply didn't care anymore, talking about the rift between you and him as if you were reciting the weather report.

fight me, he wanted to say. kick, yell at me, scream at me, do anything at all to show me you're upset. he knows he fucked up. you definitely know he fucked up. so why weren't you telling him that? why weren't you cursing him out for being a bad husband? your nonchalance came from a long time being cast aside, so much so that you expected it to happen; so much so that you gave up on him.

indifference was the final nail in the coffin of your marriage, and you were about to bang it shut.

he observed you, thinking about how many times you'd busy yourself with mundane errands to feel like you were living. how many times you'd come back to this flat, putting away shit you'd probably never touch. how many times you'd listen to the silence ringing off the walls.

he set the bags down and held your shoulders, turning you to face him. "i've taken the next few days off."

you smiled insincerely. "great."

rindou felt like a kid again, when he had work up enough courage to ask you out. "we... we could spend them together."

your eyes squinted. "why?"

he spluttered. "what do you mean, why?"

you swatted his hands off your shoulders. "god, i shouldn't have said anything," you mumbled. "rindou, this is just you feeling guilty because of what i said last night, okay?"

he frowned. "it's not."

your eyebrows raised as you rummaged through another grocery bag. "it is. don't pretend like you're gonna change. what did you think we were going to do—go out together? like old times, when we were happy and in love?"

his face burned. anyone else—if it were anyone else speaking so flippantly with him, he'd have them beat til they're unconscious. and past tense? when we were in love? his brain was doing backflips trying to find a way to salvage the situation. "yes."

you laughed that fake laugh again. it grated on his ears. "that's funny. i was just feeling a little vulnerable last night, is all. had a couple of drinks and maybe was feeling sentimental about the days when everything was simple."

rindou stepped closer to you, ripping the bag away from your hands and towering over you. "it is simple. we can—"

"we can't do anything." you curled your hands into fists, your voice trembling. "can you just..?" go away?

rindou's breath caught in his chest, fully anticipating another heartless laugh.

he hated it when you cried. he hated it when you were angry. he would do anything for your eternal happiness, he realized, and he'd been falling short of his promises for far too long.

rindou leaned onto the counter, bending at the waist. his hand rested on your waist and his eyes were laser focused on your expression, a confusing mix of frustration, sadness, and the will to remain emotionless.

"baby," he whispered.

"don't fucking call me baby." you hissed.

he pursed his lips, unwilling to compromise. "pretty baby. i don't wanna go on like this." his fingers brushed your cheek. "i don't want to you to be sad anymore."

"well, isn't that righteous." you rolled your eyes though your heart ached. it ached for him, for the boyfriend he was and the husband he promised to be.

he glared at you. "would you just listen?"

"no, rindou." you shoved him away from you, despite the overwhelming urge telling you to pull him in and hug him tight. "stop acting like i'm the one making things difficult. like you're being a fucking saint trying to bring us back together when the only reason we're like this is because of you." your voice became watery, growing in volume as you finally succumbed to all the hurt and pain inside you.

"i tried to be understanding." you sobbed. "i did. i tried. you have your work and i know that it's dangerous. but seriously—you promised you'd make time for me. you promised." you sniffed, rubbing tears off your cheeks, ranting without any goal in mind. "you don't even say goodbye."

he stood frozen, your emotions hitting him square in the face and leaving him dazed. it was like the only thing he could do was stand and watch.

"i didn't want to do this." you said tearfully. "i'm sorry i said anything, okay? i'm sorry. just—leave me alone."

his eyes narrowed. "never. i'm never leaving."

your glassy eyes shot up to meet his with a hard look of their own.

"i love you, y/n. and i'm never letting you go." he said firmly, stepping closer and closer to you. he was done beating around the bush; you should know that no matter how many times you push him away, he will never leave you. he'd make up for his mistakes; all you had to do was give him a chance.

you scoffed. "love? you love me?"

he caged you against the opposite counter with two arms on either side of you. "yeah. i do."

you stared up at him, tears staining your cheeks. "you're a liar."

"y/n." he growled—a warning.

"can't go back into the world having the poor little wife weighing on your conscious, is that it?" you snapped. "never stopped you before."

"y/n."

"no." you ducked under his arm, leaving the kitchen. you evaded his attempts to pull you back, running to the closet. grabbing a coat and your purse, you slipped on your shoes.

"where the fuck are you going?" rindou yelled after you. "this conversation isn't over."

"it is for me." you mumbled, throwing the front door open and ignoring the fire in the pit of your stomach. you got into your car and started it up. the garage opened at an agonizing pace, enough time for rindou to come bursting out the door. he stood at your window.

"y/n, you are not leaving. get out of the car."

"fuck off." you grit your teeth, your eyes raising to the rearview mirror to reverse. you screeched to a halt when you saw rindou's purple hair in the reflection. you gaped, rolling down your window and whipping your head to face him. "are you insane? move!"

he shook his head, standing in all his glory right behind the car. his arms were crossed and his weight rested on one hip; the picture of stubbornness. "you're gonna have to run me over."

you scoffed, laughing breathlessly at the absurd situation. "i'll call the police."

"you won't."

you grabbed your phone. "i will, don't try and stop me from leaving."

"you won't call the police, and you wanna know why?" rindou let his head fall to his shoulder. "you love me. i know you do."

you opened your mouth to retort.

"don't even try to deny it." he chuckled lowly. "you're just protecting yourself, baby. you're protecting yourself from the nightmare you call a husband, right?"

your eyes rounded, looking at him with an unreadable expression.

he walked to your side of the car, reaching through the opening to flick the window button. he slipped his hand out as it began to slowly slide back up.

"leave, then. just know i'm not going to stop my efforts to get you back." he smiled as he went back into the house.

the window closed completely.

you were brimming with annoyance, yet you couldn't help but feel a pang of heartache when you pulled out of the driveway, leaving your house—and rindou—behind.

this was so self-indulgent lol. i know they mean well, but when people apologize so quickly and with such intensity, i just get frustrated that i had to get to such a low point to see any remorse or change from them. and of course, i can't argue without crying my eyes out. anyway, do we want a part two?

© miniimight ! thanks for reading <3

#risaзεreposts

[kysiori]

breathing room

word count: 2.2 k

rindou haitani can't cope with being in a relationship, as much as he wants to. and as frustrating as it is for him, it's hard on you too.

tags: foul language, angst, drug mention, i wrote this while listening to "dealer" by lana del ray so that should give you an idea of how things are going

read on ao3

so rindou haitani has some… emotional issues. he’s aware.

it’s not much of a surprise. he had a fucked up childhood, everyone knows. piss poor home life, shitty role models. intimacy issues would be par for the course, really. it doesn’t matter though. rindou’s friends don’t care, and he wouldn’t give a shit if they did. he might have cared if ran cared, but “feelings” weren’t really “a thing” to his older brother. no problem.

except, things are a little bit different now.

rindou’s been seeing this cute little thing, with long lashes and a toothy grin. and for the most part, things have been chill. the two of you met when he was dropping off some pills and pre-rolls at a house party. you were easy enough to talk to while rindou waited for the host to pony up his cash. when the dude stiffed him, you’d whipped a couple bills out of your pocket with a nervous smile. you were short too, but something long dormant in his chest had shifted off its foundation and he’d taken your money without a word.

the next time he saw you, he made it a point to get you into his bed. and he did. nobody could ever say rindou haitani wasn’t a good lover.

it’s been a couple months now. rindou’s surprised at himself, but he just keeps finding reasons to come back to you. you’re a good lay, he thinks. you make him laugh, he likes your cooking. he comes over when he has the time, and you always let him in out of the cold.

one day, he wakes up in your bed. you’re staring at him, and he wonders how long you’ve been watching him sleep. your cheek is squished against your pillow, and you’ve got this dopey grin on your face that looks perfectly at home in the syrupy sunlight of the late morning. you brush his hair out of his eyes and tuck it behind his ear like the lead in a romance movie. he watches you, carefully. you don’t shy away from his gaze, you never do. 

“so, are you like, my boyfriend now?” 

rindou feels himself nod, your leaf patterned cotton pillowcase is a little scratchy against his cheek.

you grin even wider, then flounce out of bed and rush out the door for work. he stays behind in your bed, even after you leave the house, staring at the ceiling and wondering why the fuck he did that shit.

he leaves before you get home, walks straight to his favorite hole-in-the-wall dive bar and drinks himself stupid that night. by the time he’s worked through the hangover, he feels better about the fact that he’s someone’s boyfriend now. he smokes half a pack of cigarettes and feels pretty good about the whole thing. he never really thought of himself as a big commitment guy, but life is full of little surprises.

honestly, he’s a fan of the whole dating thing. you’ve started calling him “rin”. he likes the way it sounds out of your mouth. you have this sort of subdued, shimmery smile that he only sees when he buys you something you wanted but didn’t ask for. iced lattes, chocolate croissants. that kind of simple shit. it’s not like he doesn’t have the money to lavish you with designer bags and fancy dinners. but your eyes only sparkle in that particular way when he buys you socks with little orange cat faces on them. so he lets you be.

it’s just, well, he has emotional problems. and a weird, fucked up life. there’s a sort of existential dread lurking just over his shoulder because he’s not fucking stupid, okay? he knows that you’re a person who fucking twinkles and he likes to dislocate ball-and-socket joints for fun. he knows, logically, that there is no happy end for the two of you. he can’t reason out a timeline where it all works out. he doesn’t want you to change, but he sure as hell won’t either. he doesn’t… like it.

and every once in a while, something will remind him of what he already knows. it doesn’t have to be a milestone with you, it rarely is. a text from ran, a picture of a funny looking cat online, a fucking bird chirping in a fucking tree. any of those little things has rindou suddenly spiraling. he feels like his chest is going to collapse, like there’s somehow a hydraulic press made of pure emotion pushing into his ribcage trying to squash his heart like a fucking cockroach. one time, you had flinched at the sound of a fist colliding into a face while watching a movie with him. some garbage blockbuster you only wanted to see because you liked one of the actors. you’d started in your seat, squeezed his hand and half chuckled nervously. all he could think about the rest of the day was how you would react if you saw him the night before, twisting a guys arm out of its socket for looking at him funny.

rindou hates it. he has to be alone in those moments. nobody can blame him for wanting a little breathing room, right? he just needs a little independence to sort out the tangled knot of complicated feelings in the pit of his stomach.

so he turns off his phone, and just goes back to his life. he goes drinking with his friends, maybe even flirts with some bottle girls in roppongi. he’s not trying to cheat on you, he doesn’t even want to. it’s just, he needs to feel like he can. like he can still exist without you. so he chats up a girl in a skimpy black dress and bunny ears and throws out the napkin with her number on it the second he’s out the door. sometimes, he invites himself over to ran’s place to take some bong rips and watch shitty american cartoons. ran never says anything, just kicks whatever aspiring import model or bleach blond twink out of his bed and starts packing a bowl. 

he goes and lives his life for a couple days, a couple weeks sometimes. he stays with friends who he’s sure you’ve never heard of, because he doesn’t trust the ones you’ve met to keep their mouths shut about his whereabouts. especially ran. he’s not sure if his older brother actually likes you or if he just likes messing with rindou’s life. probably the second, because ran doesn’t really like anybody. he knows you’re trying your best to make sure he’s still alive, but he really just needs to be as far away from you as he possibly can.

when he finally turns his phone, he can see all of his missed calls from you. he honestly does feel really shitty when he sees you double texting, triple texting, then the inevitable moment that you give up calling. the first time he left for a “breather”, you had called him every day until he picked up. you don’t do that anymore.

now you wait for him to come to you, and he always does. he picks the lock to your apartment door, you let him fuck you real nice as an apology, and the two of you go for breakfast bagels at your favorite spot in the morning. he pays, every time (because even if the absence is justified, he knows you miss him), and you twinkle because he still has your overly complex drink order memorized.

he’s missing you right now. he hasn’t seen you in five weeks. you’d turned over in your sleep one night while he was holding you close and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “i love you”. he’d grabbed his shit and left right then and there. he’s spent the last couple weeks bouncing between ran’s place and hanma’s, blitzed out of his mind. he does every drug he can get his hands on, which is basically all of them. his phone is destroyed beyond recognition. he threw it at a wall.

he’s not sure what the hell he’s doing with you. he wants to be yours, to be loyal to you and only you. he wants you to do that sparkly thing with your eyes, only for him. he wants to fucking hold your hand, go clothes shopping with you, drive you to work and drop off your lunch when you forget it. he wants that, he thinks. it’s within reach, because you want him too. but he can’t bring himself to just… take it. rindou is not a man who shys away from taking whatever he wants. lord knows he has before. but he just can’t be yours, he thinks. 

one day, rindou hears one of the guys playing video games in hanma’s apartment say something along the lines of “fuck it, we ball”. it’s stupid, but he feels like a bucket of ice water has been dumped over his head. he’s young, he’s strong. he can afford to be a little reckless, to enjoy the finer things in life without worrying about consequences. he shrugs on his jacket and wanders over to your place.

you’re just getting home from work when he arrives. you’re rummaging in your bag for looking for your keys when he sidles up besides you. you must be tired, he notes, because you don’t notice him until he’s literally looking over your shoulder. he mutters, “hey” into your ear and you drop you keychain in shock.

you whip your head around to look at him, mouth open and ready to argue. he sees the recognition spark in your eyes, and then the disappointment. you close your mouth, press your lips together and kneel down to pick up your keychain. the acrylic charms rattle as you look for the front door key.

“need any help with that?”

you can banter, that’s one of the things he likes about you. but you don’t have anything funny to say to him today. you just sigh, and shift your weight to your other foot.

“no, rindou. i don’t need anything from you. just go.”

he does his best to charm you with a smile, an eery copy of his older brother’s. that smile had gotten them free meals and a place to stay the night through most of his childhood.

“come on sweetheart. i come all this way to see you and you send me home empty-handed?”

“i don’t have anything for you, rindou.” he doesn’t miss that you’re using his full name again.

“just let me in, honey. we can just talk.”

you shake your head, then push your hair out of your face to look at him square in the eye. “i’m not letting you in this time. i’m fucking done with you. go back to wherever you came from.” you soften just a bit, because you always do. for him. “don’t be an asshole, man.”

“fuck you mean we’re done?” he feels himself getting hot under the collar.

“i’m fucking done, rindou!” you’re raising your voice at him. it takes him aback, more than he would like to admit. “i haven’t seen neither hide nor hair of you in over a month. not a call, not a text back, not a ‘fuck you’, nothing! i don’t owe you shit!”

he’s immediately on the defensive, “it was barely five weeks, why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

“because i give a shit about you! tell me honestly, rin, what are you doing? are you cheating on me?”

“fuck no! how could you even think that?” he’s raising his voice, not because he wants to, just because he’s so used to matching pace with you.

“what the fuck else am i supposed to think?”

“oh so you’re breaking up with me because you think i’m cheating on you? with no proof?”

“no rindou. i’m breaking up with you because i am fucking tired.” your voice is raw, like an exposed nerve. “i don’t- i can’t handle it. you can’t keep disappearing off the face of the planet and then coming back like nothing happened. i just can’t deal.”

he doesn’t know what to say. you keep talking, slogging through the silence.

“i look for you, you know?” he does. he wishes you wouldn’t. “i’ve tracked down everyone i can fucking think of who might have seen you, heard from you, anyone who even has a clue who you are. i called ran so many times he blocked my number. i’ve called your dealer, your friends, your fucking dad! nobody tells me a fucking thing! i don’t know if you’re dead in a ditch somewhere, fucking a stripper, or if you’ve finally decided that you just don’t want me.

“i won’t do it anymore. i don’t want to live- i don’t want to keep doing this for you.” your voice is so brittle, he worries that if he touches you, you’ll fall to a million pieces. 

“i’m sorry.” he means it.

“i know, rin.” he’s never seen you so small. “i’m sorry too.”

you don’t have anything to be sorry for. you’re just too nice to him. he watches, silent, as you close your apartment door behind you. he could pick the lock. both of you know he could. but he doesn’t. he just stares at the knob for a little while.

it occurs to him, on his way home to his apartment for the first time in weeks, that he loves you. he doesn’t turn around, doesn't sprint back to your door and declare his love for you.  life isn’t a cheesy romance movie. if you know, you know. and if you don’t, things are probably better that way.

breathing room.

rindou could use a little breathing room tonight.

oooo i'm so sorry for posting this it's sad as FUCK i know

i feel like the ending's kind of out of pocket, but let me know ig

#risaзεreposts

[kysiori]

Art by 一布小欣

#risaзεreposts

[kysiori]

i wanna go back to making fics cause i dipped after my last one blew up😐

#risaзεrants

[kysiori]

ickle me tickle me pickle me too😝

[kysiori]

ivdhdueieje

[kysiori]

SEUNGEON DIDNT MAKE IT.

JUNHYEON DIDNT MAKE IT.

KEITA DIDNT MAKE IT.

I was rooting for them but at the same time i still can't believe that we won't get another episode next thursday. i hope they don't give up on their dreams, i really want them to debut ☹️. congrats to the debut group tho, having only 9 debut should be illegal

#JUNRAEEE :“( #KEITA WAS ROBBED FRR #seungeon was my top pick too ☹️ #risaзεrants #yoo seungeon #junrae #junhyeon #keita #boys planet

[kysiori]

dont have the motivation to write/continue writing rn bcs my boys planet picks got eliminated last night :( i was so upset kaunjui didnt make it LIKEE MY HAOJUI DUO :"(

#when i tell you i stayed up bawling my eyes out #and the moment i woke up my eyelids were so heavy #boys planet #kuanjui #risaзεrants

[kysiori]

im not making it until friday

i'll be in the most disastrous, horrendous, atrocious, dreadful, awful state tomorrow UGH I CAN FEEL IT. IF KUANJUI AND OLLIE AINT MAKING IT IM NOT EITHER GOODBYE. no bcs they both dont have a high chance of surviving :cc RAGAGGSGRVASUGEH IM GOING FERAL ISTG

#I JUST NEED SOME PLACE TO RANT LMAO #ALREADY SPAMMED MY TWT TOO MUCH #IM LITERALLY JUST FEEDING INTO MY DELUSIONS #risaзεrants #boys planet

[kysiori]

a match made in math class ┊struggling with math — as always, but have no fear, alhaitham is here! ┊short fluff drabble (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) i literally wrote the plot in the train cause it popped up

– 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 –

you were at your wit's end in your advanced math class, struggling to keep up with the material. you knew that alhaitham, a natural genius who always seemed to breeze through equations and formulas, was in the same class, but you never thought to ask him for help. after all, the two of you had a long history of arguing and bickering over the smallest details.

but one day, you couldn't take it anymore. you approached alhaitham after class, feeling a bit dumbfounded that you were asking for his help. you could tell that he was taken aback as well, his usually stoic expression betraying a hint of surprise.

"um, hey alhaitham," you said tentatively. "i was wondering if you could help me with some of the material in class? i'm really struggling."

alhaitham blinked a few times, clearly taken aback by your request. but after a moment, he nodded. "sure, i can help you out," he said, a small flicker of a smile crossing his face.

over the next few weeks, alhaitham tutored you patiently, guiding you through problem sets and explaining concepts in a way that made sense to you. you were surprised at how much you enjoyed studying with him, despite your previous disagreements. and gradually, you found yourself not just catching up to the rest of the class, but actually excelling.

as the semester wore on, you and alhaitham began to see each other in a new light. you realized that beneath his usually serious demeanor, he was actually quite kind and patient. and alhaitham saw that beneath your competitive exterior, you had a deep passion for learning.

one day, as you were studying together, you caught alhaitham looking at you with an expression you couldn't quite place. "what?" you asked, feeling a bit self-conscious under his gaze.

alhaitham shook his head, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. "nothing, it's just...i never thought we'd be studying together like this," he said. "it's kind of nice, you know?"

you couldn't help but smile at his words, feeling a sense of warmth spread through you. "yeah, it is," you agreed.

"you're my favorite study buddy," you blurted out, surprising even yourself with the words. you're not sure what possessed you to say that, but you did. maybe it was because you actually felt that way deep down.

alhaitham, of course, looked a bit taken aback, but a small smile played at the corners of his lips. "not because i'm the only one you have, i hope," he said, teasingly.

you shook your head, feeling a rush of warmth spread through your chest. "no, not at all. you're just my favorite person to be with."

alhaitham's expression softened at your words. "my favorite part of the day is seeing your face," he replied, his voice quiet and sincere.

from that moment on, you and alhaitham continued to help each other out, studying together and encouraging one another to push harder. and as the semester came to a close, you both realized that you had grown not only as students, but as friends.

as you walked out of your final exam, alhaitham turned to you with a small smile. "we did it," he said, and you nodded in return.

"let's keep working together like this," he said, his voice filled with warmth. "who knows what we'll be able to achieve."

you nodded in agreement, feeling a newfound sense of closeness between the two of you. math class may have been a struggle, but it also brought an unexpected friendship and support, maybe even more.

#alhaitham x reader #alhaitham imagine #alhaitham fanfiction #alhaitham fluff #alhaitham headcanons #alhaitham #alhaitalhaitham scenarios #alhaitham fic #alhaitham oneshot #genshin impact #genshin #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagine #genshin imagine #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin fanfiction #genshin impact fluff #genshin fluff #genshin impact alhaitham #x reader #alhaitham drabble #risaзεreads

[kysiori]

ive been having this tumblr glitch?? was reviewing my acc, checked my tags nd saw that some of my posts w the tag werent there :^ dk what to do as i alrdy tried editing the tags (removing it nd then adding it again & removing the tag, updating the post, adding it again)

#help #tumblr plsspslsl #maybe its jus me #I'll try checking on my pc ig #risaзεrants