jsmnutami

[jsmnutami]

a blessing in disguise

“ I don’t think not living your dream means you’ve failed at life. And I don’t think living your dream means you’ve succeeded either”

I just finished my 2521 binging moment (which I LOVE so much) and among all the beautiful script, one particular quote comes up to mind. The line said by the male lead, Baek Yi-jin (potrayed by one and only, njh <3). In the series, his character been thru a lot; came from a millionaire family who got bankrupt in 1998′s crisis and must deal with issues like being homeless, drop out college, finding any job that payed, and leaving his past dreams and hopes behind (its so good you should watch it if you haven’t). He, whose dreams crushed by reality, stated that the life that’s been lived outside your dream, isn’t necessarily a failed life. 

& I stand by this.

After got married, moved to another city, and resigned from my job, I find myself in the middle of unresolvable maze. The paths are limitless yet I feel like....lost already. I forget that planning the future, could make me feel this uneasy and anxious (throwback to life after graduate.....). The series of hows and what ifs keep flooding inside my head and this is exhausting. 

But then I remember,

Since when everything in my life went on according to plans?

I didn’t planned on being a volunteer doctor in the biggest covid-19 hospital in the world (wisma atlet kemayoran. yes it is, google it up) after I graduated.

I didn’t planned on working in a hospital outside Bandung/Jakarta (I sent a lot of resume in Bandung and Jakarta, but didn’t heard a single called back until I randomly sent my resume to a well known hospital in Cikarang and got the interview just 2 days after, ended up working there for 19mo).

I didn’t planned to get married in 2022 yet here i am (certainly didn’t plan on marrying my high school friend). 

And I certainly didn’t planned on calling Balikpapan home (haven’t been there and didn’t have the urgency to do so).

So many detour I’ve been thru and yet I dont feel like my life is a failure. I’m glad things didn’t worked out as I planned, instead all of the unplanned things led me to a happy & grateful person I am today. No single regret.

To sum up, maybe things turned out as you’ve planned, or maybe it didn’t. Maybe things turned out exactly like you’ve planned yet you realized that this is not what you’ve wanted. Either way, for all the things that’ll happen, on and off plans, you’re still winning in life. Just enjoy the bitter, the sweet, and everything in between life has to offered in the process. 

*glass clicking*

#life #motivation

[jsmnutami]

Let me tell you something about relationship. No, I’m not the expert, quite the opposite in fact. But I’ve been thru hell and learned a lot of shits about relationship so i guess, sharing is caring?

When it comes to finding the right person, trust your instict. The right relationship should feel easy. It should make you feel good about yourself; as if you are enough yet leave some room for you to grow better.

The right person would listen to you. They would respect your opinion eventho they’re totally disagree with yours. They will cling into you, but in the perfect amount of clinginess that wouldn’t restrict you from being yourself.

I know nothing about relationship, but one thing i know for sure, if somewhere in the middle of the relationship, you hear yourself saying ‘you deserve better’ that’s definitely the sign to leave. There’s nothing more depressing than being with someone everyday and hoping they’re somebody else.

Love is deceiving indeed, and finding the right one is not as pretty as they mention it in the movie. You could try and fail several times. But if you’re get lucky, you’ll find one :”)

x

Jasmn & Anzhr

[jsmnutami]

a constellation of chaotic order

Whoever said “the grass is greener on the other side” first is a pure genius. Although there’s not one scientific explanation saying its true, the empirical experiences said enough. It’s not a secret that human always longing for something that we can’t have. 

Have a high-paid job, longing for a long vacation. Have a beautiful family, longing for a successful career. Have a million subscribers on YouTube, longing for a little privacy. Have one content life, longing for others chaos.

As we grow older, we tend to see things in paradoxical manner. We see other’s success as our failure. We start keeping score between ourself and other people. The problem is, too many biases along the way; life is not a fair competition to begin with. We can’t compare our chapter 3 to other’s chapter 10. A high school student couldn't compete with a master degree. It’s just not fair. 

Comparing yourself to others, is the most powerful form of self-destruction

Life is like a constellation of chaotic order. Once seemed so simple evolved into something complex. Maybe it’s not us that changed, maybe it’s our expectation and how we see things. We see roadblocks as failure. We see hardship as failure. We see delayed as failure. We see setback as a failure. We see ourself, as a failure.  

“but perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you” [2:216]

[jsmnutami]

The needs of being needed

I had a little melt down yesterday. The thing is, I love my job and I like to work. I know I always babbling about how tiresome my job is and how little I’ve got a day off, but the truth is, I like to work.

I’ve been hospitalized for 9 days now and God how I miss my job. I sneaked into the nurse station yesterday, logged into my account and read the patient’s chart. For a minute there I felt so.....me. But then I singed out and came back into my room. 

My mom then called to ask how I’m feeling, and suddenly, I bursted into tears. I miss working. I miss the feeling of....being needed. These past 9 days I spent with literally just a cycle of watching-eating-sleeping (although himym is a freaking gem where have I been) and I feel.....useless. All those feeling took me back to 1,5years ago, exactly at the time between finishing my internship and getting my first job. 

I still remember how much I suffered back then, being unemployed, wasting my time with binged-watching a lot of k-drama, and baking cakes. Of course the kdrama was addictive and those cakes were sweet, but the feeling was the opposite from all of it. I lost count of how many times I cried by just feeling...useless back then. I need to feel needed. (and of course it was just 1,5 month until I landed on my first job)

There I am. Still need the feeling of being needed. I know it’s unnecessary but hi, I’m working on it. 

[jsmnutami]

25 years old resolution

- write at least a post per week on Tumblr

- morning run at least 3 times a week (and reach a pace of 5k in 30min)

- learn to cook more Indonesian food

- eat healthier meals (yes it means less sugar)

- drink more water (instead of a venti americano a day, cut off a little)

- read 1 chapter a day anything related to medicine (I’m starting with PAPDI and Fitzpatrick)

- become PTT doctor at East Kalimantan (or even taking an internship there)

- mastering the art of financial management

- learn new language until you reach a basic conv level

- be more zen, chill, calm, less reactive, and any adjective related to zen, chill, and calm

- be a better person for myself, my family, my boyfriend, and my friends

[jsmnutami]

12 years old me

I just watched an episode on himym when Marshall read an old assignment about a letter to his future self. Turned out, 30 years old Marshall has accomplished nothing on the list (talking about changing his name legally into vanilla thunder? please)

The episode got me thinking, “what would 12 years old me think about 25 years old me?”

12 years old me would be proud that I have a courage to pursue medicine as a career even if its meant countless sleepless nights and literally a battle of blood sweat & tears, but here you are. The journey are still far from finish, the road ahead are going to be rocky but still, hang on there.

12 years old me would be proud that I am brave enough to stepped out of my comfort zone by living abroad. who’s laughing now 12 years old me who was scared on riding public transportation alone?

12 years old me would be proud that I have moved on so gracefully from a very hard break up. Hardest thing that ever happened in your life yet look at you now?! said 12 years old you.

12 years old me would be proud that I overcome my anxiety. Life is still one uncertain roller coaster ride but at least I enjoy the ride now. 

12 years old me would be proud knowing that I take care of myself well during my hospital admission. I packed my own bag, I drove my own car to the hospital, I listed myself as my guardian on hospital admission paper, and I did all of that by myself. 

by the way, its my 7th day of admission. I caught covid-19. I feel better today so I decided to write a little. Stay safe everyone <3

[jsmnutami]

annyeong, twenty-five

If life is a school and we all are indeed a long-live learner, I’m pretty sure I was a model student from class of 24-years-old me. So many subjects to learn, so many new classes, yes I struggled up here and there but hi, I survived well with uncounted lesson taken. Here’s my note on what I’ve learned throughout last year;

One time’s isn’t always a charm

I used to judge things based on first impression and that impression stayed forever. New people, new places, new condition, and all the things new. This year I’ve learned to never let your first impression ruin your relationship with the person/things. Things may have a rough start, but doesn’t mean it would be bad for the rest of the time. Give it some time, open your heart, and maybe, your judgement will change. Not everyone makes a good first impression you know?

If you never try, you’ll never know

The old me was so afraid of failing that I wouldn’t dare to give it a try. This year I’ve learned that the disappointment of failing, is better than the disappointment  of not trying. For whatever it is, be stoic. Give your best, and let God do the rest.

“What if I fall?”

“But---what if you fly?”

Allah does not burden a soul except with that within its limit (2:286)

Talk about cov-19, last year was hard. Dealt with 1st wave around jan-feb and then 2nd wave around june, I lost my mind several times. In January, I have to worked a month without a day off and constantly told bad news over bad news in every shift. If you’ve seen death almost everyday of your life for a month++, its hard to keep being sane. And the waves surged again ini June. I have to worked 3 weeks straight without a day off again. Witnessed death everyday, again. I lost count of how many times I actually crying at the hospital bathroom after a shift, let alone crying at my room when I went home. Those situation couldn’t be more depressing.....but hi, I’ve survived well.

You are stronger and more capable of things more than you give yourself credits

Again with the work thing. My work hours were crazy and the workloads were almost unbearable. I feel like slowly loosing myself due to work. Im constantly exhausted and feeling like my personal and social life being taken. As an extroverted person and lagom at heart, that was sucks. I thought about resigning a lot, but I know at heart I’m not a quitter, so I did the best that I could and I’ve survived. Guess we are stronger than we thought we are.

Comparing yourself with others is the most powerful form of self destruction

It’s alright to stop There’s no need to run without even knowing the reason It’s alright to not have a dream If you have moments where you feel happiness for a while It’s alright to stop

BTS - 낙원 (Paradise) 

What’s easy is right

When it came to love and finding the right person, I might not be the person you should asked for an advice. Old me kept making questionable decision over indecisive action in my past relationship & dating life and it left me with a long-term trauma that I thought I’ll never recover. I doubt my ability to choose what's best for me just because....I don't really know what's best for me anymore, what I want, what I like; I'm clueless. 

Then there is this person, he was my high school friend. I only know him at a first name basis and that’s it. We got closer around September last year, and because he lives in another city, we got to know each other mostly thru chat or phone call. After several months of back-and-forth moments with him, I realized one thing that I never had in all of my previous relationship; this....feels easy. 

This is the first relationship that I could be myself completely without the fear of being left if I showed him the real me (and God, the real me is hard to deal with).  The first relationship I feel supportive, the “I got you back” that I always longing to find but never have until now. The first relationship that makes me love myself and appreciate myself more. He is my boyfriend, best friend, brother, and partner. Thats when I’ve learned that what's easy is right. 

Self-love is a journey

The highlight of 24 years old me was my journey of self-love. There goes a saying “tak kenal maka tak sayang” so, I started with get to know myself better. It was hard dug deep into the hole of your true self, understanding your map of soul and faced the darkest and ugliest of you. Denial here denial there, but once you get to know yourself, things got a bit easier. Though I’ve been in this journey for a year now, there’s so much I should learn. I’ve learned that self-love is a journey. You might hit a bumps or road blocks, a step back is okay, but you don’t give up on the journey right?

Annyeong, twenty five years old me

There’s so much of a future waits for you. Some of it may not be easy, some of it will make you loose your mind, and some of it will make you fall into a hole of depression and anxiety. It’s okay, just remember there’s always a silver lining behind every cloud. I hope you could be more stable, emotionally and mentally. I hope you care more about what's matter and the hell with others opinion. I hope you can love yourself harder. I hope you’re growing wiser and calmer. I hope you find what you really want in life. I hope you find serenity and contentment that you’ve been waiting for. 

Annyeong, twenty five years old me

fighting~!!

[jsmnutami]

Life gave me lemon, and I turned it into lemon sorbet because who doesn’t like ice cream? Still bitter, but enjoyable

[jsmnutami]

Here’s to not having casual dating anymore

People always say that life is unpredictable. I am too a firm believer for this ideology. The uncertainty could be for better or for worse, hence, life is surprising either ways. Everyone has their own plot twist in their life.

here’s mine:

Entering quarter life phase, basically is the same as entering an unsolvable maze; you have no idea which road to choose but your end destination depends on it. The future seems hazy, and everything is blurry yet the life itself must go on. You begin to questioning your own existence, what do you want in life, what is the best pathway for you to walk on, what is right what is wrong, and whether you’re catching up well with the so called ‘social-standard’ (re: having steady job, got married, living healthy and balance life, pursuing your passion, etc etc).

Life is too tangled and complicated.

And then you came out of nowhere. One breezy summer going on autumn, you came. It wasn’t easy at first. I was skeptical of love, and so were you. Well, if you’re having one bad breakup over another bad breakup and so on, you’ll understand.

We went back-and-forth for a million time, but we didn’t give up, somehow we have faith in each other. As time goes by, after sailing thru one heavy storm of indecisive-ness, the rainbow finally appeared;

Life feels easy, after you came.

To be honest, life is still hard and the struggles still show up here and there. But your presence makes life more bearable.

Ri, 

We still have a very long way ahead of us. It might be rocky, we might get lost, and feel like giving up, but promise me we won’t. Let us, the overthinker, enjoy the uncertainty of life, together. 

Buckled up, this will be a fun ride.

[jsmnutami]

day six: single and happy

I literally have no idea what I’m about to write. I’m a relationship person, I love being committed to one person and having to share our mundane daily life. But I personally think that happiness should not be based on a relationship status. Happiness should be a state of mind.

Some days are tough, others seem unclear, and today may have been awesome; nevertheless life’s going on in a cycle despite you’re single or in a relationship.

-

It would’ve been different if the topic was single and feel happy about it

I almost always find myself being in a relationship, both on label or off label. And to be honest, I like it. I’m a firm believer that some pleasurable things in life would be better if you’re experienced it with the one person that matters, and I stand by that statement. The world is scary with its unexpected twists and turns, it would be nice to have a company around. I’d prefer being in a relationship not because I can’t get things done alone, I just don’t want to. 

-

I like being in a relationship but I really hate goodbye. I reach the age when my heart just can’t mend itself easily after every goodbye that being said. So, after I did quite a contemplation, I come up with a conclusion;

“It’s better to be single, than to be with a wrong person”

The wrong person could only give you temporary happiness (could be a month or even 5 years) and then when both of you realized you’re just not good for each other, the relationship is over. The problem is you’ve already invested in one person for quite some time and it’s not easy to walk on your own again (re: moving on).

Goodbyes are suck. That being said, it’s better to be single than to plant your feeling in a wrong soul. 

-

“How to choose the right person?”

Right now, I really have no idea how. But I know someday, I will find one.

Now playing The Most Beautiful Thing by Bruno Major

#30dayswritingchallenge #day six

[jsmnutami]

me and my relationship with cooking

“People who love to eat are always the best people” - Julia Child

Ada sebuah pertanyaan (atau pernyataan?) yang sering banget aku dengar akhir-akhir ini,

“Jasmine suka masak ya?”

Well, I could say that currently, I have pretty good relationship with cooking, but it wasn’t always like this. Aku besar di keluarga yang tidak menekankan anak-anaknya untuk selalu mengerjakan pekerjaan rumah (but believe me, me and my brother are 100% capable of cleaning & cooking because our parents still taught us that), memasak bukan sesuatu yang familiar buatku. Waktu kecil, mungkin aku hanya sekali-kali aja ikut mamaku ke dapur, itu pun mungkin hanya saat dia buat kue lebaran, not on daily basis. 

Fast forward to college time, 3 tahun pre-klinik aku habiskan sebagai anak kos (well, not really kos-kosan, 1 tahun pertama wajib asrama dan 2 tahun di rumah kontrakan with my closest friends). Ekspektasiku sebelum mulai kehidupan kos adalah “wah seru bgt nih jadi anak kos yang dapurnya lengkap dan nyaman. Mungkin ini saatnya aku grow up dan prep my own meal?”

Yeah, like it was gonna happened

Hidup di Jatinangor yang makanannya super murah (dan enak!) dan ke Bandung cuma modal Rp.9000 tarif tol membuatku hampir tidak pernah masak. Aku masih inget, pernah satu hari agak ‘insyaf’ dan groceries bahan-bahan untuk masak 1 minggu, and I only lasted 1 day! Saat itu, aku merasa bahwa cooking is such a waste of time and no fun (give a break, this is 19 years old me yang ga mikir kalau uang jajan harus dihemat dan makan sayur itu penting). I didn’t know how to use a knife, how to peel off some fruits, how much time to fry things, or how to seasons a meal; I was clueless. Pernah waktu tahun 3 aku pergi KKN dan hidup 1 bulan di suatu desa di Majalengka yang mengharuskan kita untuk cook for survive. Aku kaget melihat betapa mumpuninya skills memasak teman-temanku disaat aku bahkan bikin nasi goreng pun ga bisa, honestly I was ashamed a bit. 

Semester terakhir pre-klinik dan koas, kuliah kami pindah ke Bandung. It was time to say goodbye to kos-kosan life. Aku tinggal di rumahku lagi yang berarti ga akan ada kesempatan untuk masak. Then, my parents moved overseas due to my dad’s job, and I lived alone with my brother for a year. I was given a monthly money that supposed to be a groceries money, tapi, sebagai anak kuliah 20tahun yang tinggal tanpa orang tua di rumah sendiri, I messed the opportunity up. Instead of buying things for cook, I spent the money for buying foods (or shopping or cafe hopping or coffee shop hunting). I did not learn my lesson.

After college, I moved out from Bandung for the first time. I lived in Cirebon for a year, di kos-kosan, real kos-kosan dengan status sebagai ‘pekerja’, bukan pelajar. Sebelum pindah, aku sudah berjanji dengan diri sendiri untuk grow up, be independent, hemat, rajin masak, dan rajin beres-beres kosan sendiri. The plan sounds solid right?

The execution was bad. Aku yang masak sendiri dikosan hanya bertahan 3 bulan awal, sisanya aku menyerah. 3x sehari makan dengan delivery, full. My excuse was “Capek bgt abis jaga ngga ada energi untuk masak”. How about penghematan dengan masak? Oh, tentu tidak ada karena guys delivery 3 kali sehari itu cost a loooot of money. But I mean who’s to blame? Makanan Cirebon enak enak luar biasa......(ok, another excuse).

2020, new life.

Setelah merencanakan untuk kembali ke Bandung dan bekerja disana, takdir berkata lain, I’m about to live in another city, 100km away, Cikarang; dan kembali menjadi anak kos. Kali ini, dengan janji yang sama untuk rajin masak dan be independent, be more responsible, being more adult. 

Entah karena memang umur, atau dapet ilham dari suatu tempat, disini aku bersikap lebih bijak terhadap keuanganku. Aku baru sadar, bekerja itu capek dan gaji yang didapat tiap bulan itu bukan hal yang turun dengan mudahnya. Darisana aku belajar money management, belajar budgeting, memilah mana sektor yang bisa dihemat, mana sektor yang uncompromised, dan berapa banyak yang harus ditabung tiap bulan. 

I was torn apart between shopping and food. I love shopping but I also love good food. Aku tau aku bisa menahan keinginan untuk makan enak lebih besar dibanding menahan keinginan belanja. So it all set, I’ll cook every single one of my meal everyday, eventho I’m getting tired from work (ya sekalian belajar dikit-dikit untuk kehidupan berumah tangga nanti yakaann). 

My philosophy of cooking is quick, simple, and looks sophisticated. I learned from the beginning thank God to internet. Aku rajin scrolling pinterest untuk inspirasi menu makanan, aku tonton jutaan video youtube tentang cooking tutorial. Bahkan, aku belajar basic di dapur, tentang peralatan dapur and how to use them properly, tentang storage makanan supaya ga gampang basi, tentang kalori tiap makanan supaya tetap sehat, dan tentang memilih bahan makanan yang berkualitas. 

Awalnya ga gampang, banyak banget malesnya rasanya ingin menyerah dan deliv deliv tiap makan. Tapi aku paksa demi kesehatan keuangan, and you know what? Now I’m enjoying it so very much. I love cooking, I love the excitement I hold when I go groceries and imagining the meal I’m about to cook. Nowadays, I’m hardly even delivering. I’m almost always cook, and I really love it. (ps. I even learn how to brew a good coffee just because I want to cut off my coffee budget)

Panjang banget ya haha oke, intinya sih mau bilang kalau you can be anything that you wanna be as long as the will is coming from inside of you (and as long as you’re doing it for yourself). Aku, yang beberapa tahun lalu bahkan gatau cara pegang pisau, sekarang udh merasa nyaman dgn pisau. Kamu bisa kok lakuin apapun, menjadi apapun, asal niat dan motivasi kamu kuat, dan kamu selalu berusaha melawan semua hal yang membuat kamu menyerah. Kalau gagal, ya belajar dari pengalaman terus coba lagi. Intinya, you are more capable of doing things than you’re expected yourself to be.

Sekian atas epilog yang kurang nyambung, thankuuuu

[jsmnutami]

day five: your parents

Regardless what I’m about to say next, I want to pin point something important; I love my parents beyond the world itself.

My parents has a unique way to raise me and my brother. They’re not your typical asian parents, they’re leaning toward ‘liberal’ approach. My mom comes from a conservative Palembang family, and my dad is from your typical Sundanese family. My mom’s parents was hard on her when she was growing up, her parents used to ‘dictate’ everything in her life. Her family was wealthy, and my grandpa was someone quiet important at his job. Despite all the rules she must obeyed, my mom had a pretty good childhood. She said to me she had quiet some regret in her past life (esp in her career choices) because her parents didn’t left her so many option to choose back then. Regardless, she turns out to be fine. 

My dad has an opposite situation. Growing up in a big family (a family of 8 children) made up an interesting childhood. His dad was a painter and a lecturer and often got super busy at work. His mom was a stay-at-home mom but sadly passed away when my dad was just in junior high. My dad was a free soul, he was ‘anak main’ since senior high, often went home late but no one at home searched for him, and he was financially independent since college (yes, he paid his own tuition since first semester). Despite everything that happened, my dad turns out to be fine too. 

Came from a different background, they invented their own way of parenting. In my family, parents mean friends. We talk casually, like the way we talk to our friends. When it comes to home duty, its not always the children’s duty, if the children was tired, the parents doing it. About the important things in their children’s life (school, career, boy/girlfriend, marriage), they will give their opinion, the pros and cons, then they’ll let the children decide. They also very open about our family condition, and they’re not judgemental about our story either. They love to travel and try so many new things which i like. 

Those description sounds lovey, but growing up I’m not always on board with them. You know how a teenager could be a pain in the ass sometimes, right?

During junior high - early senior high I was a rebel. I didn’t listen to any words they said and lived my life on my own term (and my peer’s because apparently, in teenage life, friends >> parents). I can’t count how many times I yelled and got yelled from my parents back then, or how they got mad at me and stop talking to me for a few days (it sucked guys, trust me). 

But, as I grew older, I find myself closer to them. Especially since I moved out from home a year ago. 

I know my parents aren’t perfect, so many mistakes they’ve made throughout these years, but mistakes make them human. I love them beyond their flaws. I know they’ll never gonna be around forever, so I just wanna say;

Mom, Dad, I didn’t choose you to be my parents and so did you yet here we are, bound by blood. I know I might not be your ideal daughter, but I’m trying to be one. Thank you for all your sacrifices, I’m sorry I let you down so many times. As your first born, I know how overwhelming it was to raise a child when you’re just married less than a year, super young, and busy building your career; and for that I send my sincere gratitude. 

There are so many things I’m yet to achieve in life, and I hope you’ll be there to witness it all. I pray for you everyday so your days fill with only joy and bliss. I love you, I love you so much.

Please, be well.

#30dayswritingchallenge #day five

[jsmnutami]

day four: places you want to visit

I love traveling. The feeling when you organize your itinerary, searching for hours for a perfect hotel deals, and saving up your annual money for a week worth of vacation. I love traveling.

I have this habit to go on traveling whenever life gives me its bitter part. 

“When life gives you lemon, just go travel”

2020, up until this point, was weird enough for me. I’ve been thru so many things that I didn’t expect. I’ve met so many interesting people, I’ve chosen so many questionable decision that I don’t know whether to cherish or regret. To sum up everything; I desperately need some vacation.

But, who are we to decide? Covid-19 came early this year (March in Indonesia) and changed the way we live ever since. No more going out maskless, no more outdoor activities that involved a bunch of crowds, and no more traveling. It sucks, but we gotta live it (In the meantime please always obey the health protocol wherever you are).

Nevertheless, we’re not banned from making a list about all the places we want to visit, right? So here’s mine:

1. New York City

I’ve been obsessing about NYC since I fell in love with all the series that taken place in NYC (CSI:NY to be exact, and maybe Castle). Despite people said that New York is not that pretty, and living in NYC is hell (talked about the living cost and how gross their subway really is), I still find NYC appealing, and I’m dying to visit NYC sometime in the future. 

I don’t care if it just strolling around Central Park, going all touristry to Time Square or having a nice brunch at Baltazar, I would love to visit NYC someday.

2. Italy

Man, oh man, Italy is so pretty. If Europe was a family, Italy definitely that one cousin who’s got it all; pretty, good at cooking, both warm and cool, and speaks beautiful language (is it just me or italian sounds beautiful in my ears?). Beautiful city landscape, amazing beaches, magnificent mountain&valley, abundant historical sites, fashion mecca, delicious foods all around, what’s not to like?

My favorites is Cinque Terre and Dolomites. Someday, someday.........

3. Iceland

Who doesn’t like Scandinavian countries? As a person who lives in a tropical country all my life, an opportunity to visit colder country is always a blessed. Why Iceland? I always feel like Iceland is some kind of magical icy land where unicorns really do exist (omg what am in talking about). I mean, Iceland is mysterious. So many nature wonders with so little people around, isn’t it sounds like a perfect getaway place? 

The blue lagoon, Hornstrandir, Reynisfjara beach, Strokkur geyser, and of course, The northern lights.

4. Lapland, Finland

Okay, another scandinavian, this is the last I promise. Been called as The Santa Claus Village, Lapland is as magical as it’s given nickname. If you want to experience the true winter activities, you should come to Lapland indeed. i once watched a vlog about lapland and since then, it’s officially going on my list. 

Sleeping in an igloo-like cottage, watching aurora is the most anticipated activity here.

5. Greece

Santorini, that’s what I’m talking about. Been on my list for quite some time now, it’s like love at the first sight thing. The first time I heard about Santorini, fell in love immediately. I mean, how can’t I? It’s so serene and beautiful! I know greece has so many interesting places (and historical too, I’d like to visit parthenon) but Santorini is on my top list.

#30dayswritingchallenge #day four

[jsmnutami]

The dessert

We reach the end of the forest

The fog is disappearing, the path is branching

I like the left, and you’d prefer the right

I’m drowning in confusion,

“Maybe, this is it? This is where we should part ways?”

You look at me and smiling,

“Well, after you.” you said.

As the sun starting to set, we’re both loosing our grip

and start walking on our own choosen path.

-

As I saw your shoulder walking away,

I whisper,

“Those foggy forest we’ve been thru was scary, and your company made it more bearable. For whatever happened next, I wish us the best”

#poetry

[jsmnutami]

day three: a memory

Speaking about memory is a lot to be honest, but I’ll try my best. 

There’s this one particular lyrics that i love about memory, it goes

“Don’t you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow”

Have you ever feeling down at some point on your life, and all the good memories started flashing vaguely; the memories that once bring you joy and happiness. How are you feeling? I bet you feel awful for longing to feel the same happiness again, yet you can’t because life hasn’t been easy at the moment. That’s when Adam was right.

We tend to appreciate a moments more, once they turned into a memories. Maybe its a human thing to not be present or we’re more drawn to something that we can’t have instead of enjoying what we already have. 

There’s nothing wrong cherishing a past memories but try to focus on making the best at a given moments. Living life to the fullest, enjoying every second while we have it, isn’t it sounds lovely?

#30dayswritingchallenge #day three

[jsmnutami]

day two: things that make you happy

20 little things that I love (and make me happy);

1. Beautiful sunset and sunrise

2. Ice soy milk latte

3. All day sweater-weather

4. Clear night sky

5. Midnight deep conversation

6. Quiet moment in the car with the right person

7. Holding hands

8. Driving

9. The tingling feeling during take off

10. Hot water shower/bath

11. Catching up with old friends

12. Family gathering

13. Making itinerary for a vacation

14. Medium rare steak

15. Cooking and home-touring videos on youtube

16. A gratitude notes from a patient

17. The smell of clean bed sheet

18. Shoes-shopping

19. Finding a new, cozy coffee shop

20. Words of affirmation

#30dayswritingchallenge #day two

[jsmnutami]

day one: describe your personality

Well, what a great way to start this writing challenge with a difficult theme;

“who am I?”

I think, it’s not appropriate to write out about my personality without a little introduction. 

Hi, I’m Jasmine, currently 24 years old, living on my own 100 km away from my hometown as a full-time medical doctor. If I’m not on my shift at the hospital, I spend my days binging netflix, cooking, or just driving around here and there. I have so many things that I interested in besides medicine; modern arts, architecture, interior design, fashion, photography&videography, and traveling. I like doing some exercises too, mainly running and yoga, just to make me feel not too guilty about eating all those sweets (yes, i am indeed a sweet tooth). 

I’m an extrovert. I love people, and being with people. Just please, not too many of them. I’m not really comfortable being in a big group of people, especially the one that I don’t really know of. Meeting new people doesn’t necessarily my favorite activity, but I’m good at opening a conversation. I think I can blend in very well. I appreciate closeness, I rather have a few really close friends that I can count on everything than having too many friends with a shallow connection. 

I’m indeed a people pleaser, I take others opinion seriously. I find it hard to say ‘no”. I don’t like making people down, and helping people out is what I really enjoyed doing (that’s why i become a doctor i guess?). This trait seems lovely but it has its flaws, I sometimes put other’s needs above mine. I sacrifices myself just to make sure people are happy, eventho I’m not. I’m aware it’s not healthy but whose to blame? I valued interpersonal relationship.

People say I’m calm and organized, but believe me I’m as clueless as many young adults out there. I look calm just because I don’t want people to think how messy and cluttered I am inside. I don’t get mad easily, but If I do, I just keep it in silent, or throw a few sarcastic commentary. I’m anxious about so many things, I find it hard to live at the present because my brain keeps telling me “come on jasmine, what to do next?”, and I like things being scheduled (not a spontaneous person apparently). I hate cancelled/changed plans, I take it personally.

I could be melancholic sometimes, that’s why i love poetry and writing. But don’t get me wrong, I enjoy trashy and cheesy jokes too. That’s why my netflix lists are full of sitcom, ah, work is already too much why we bother watching something that’ll makes our head pops? I like deep talks, and I’m good at reading people. I could describe someone in detail the first time I met them (that’s why first date is kinda important to me). I believe that appearance is not everything, but its a representation of how you want people to see you, so I take mine seriously. 

Hi, I’m Jasmine. Nice to meet you!

#30dayswritingchallenge #day one