goodbyefornow-world

[goodbyefornow-world]

I don’t know what to do, it’s getting worse by the day, it hurts so much but I can’t control it, I’m so hurt, I’m hurting so bad, my leg is bleeding, everything is bleeding and I just can’t stop

[goodbyefornow-world]

My fate was sealed from the moment you took control

———————————————————————

Why am I always signaled out?

Why do I have to be treated differently?

I’m just trying to fit in, I’m trying to survive, once I think I’m getting happy turns out it’s a lie. The medicine cabinet is there, in front of of myself, full of items that can seal my fate, you treat me differently and you act like your the boss so my mind takes control because I’m at a loss, open the cabinet and grab the jar, twist open without making a sound, no one’s home, I’m all alone, take one, take two, maybe three or four, I fall asleep, what’s happening to me, I’m no longer there and no longer anywhere, things are quiet, things are dark, my fate was sealed because I felt dark, you took control and it happen fast, no longer am I able to try and get that back. My fate was sealed the moment you took control.

#depression #sad #awareness

[goodbyefornow-world]

I will tell you, I’m not okay, I have been suffering for so so so long, I feel alone, I feel every time I talk about my problems I am bothering people, I feel they think I’m just trying to get attention but I’m really not, I’m just on the edge right now, I feel I have no one, I feel empty, I’m not hungry anymore, I’m so dizzy, I keep seeing things, people think I’m crazy but I’m really just severely depressed, I’m so drained, so many things run through my mind and they won’t stop, I’m so stressed, I feel unlovable, I feel stupid, I feel like a child, I feel like 5 year old me again, wondering “what’s happened to my family, what’s happening to me, what’s happening to the world, I’m growing up, why does growing up hurt, I don’t wanna grow up anymore” why am I hurting? Why do I feel gross, I look horrible, I feel horrible, I feel sick, I’m forced to put on a smile and it hurts to keep on a fake face, I’m full of anger because I’m full of sadness, people make it worse, Im just trying to survive, but I feel stopped, I feel I can’t, I feel like I’m being judged on everything and nobody once stops to think “how does this make her feel?” Well it makes me feel horrible, I feel bad about myself, I feel like I’m a bad guy, because I’m hurting people because I’m hurt.

I can’t trust anyone anymore I feel.

[goodbyefornow-world]

I feel. I feel I’m going insane. I just sit there, I twitch, it’s a weird feeling but really I don’t feel much, I just feel like screaming I feel I could just rip myself to shreds and not feel it, red. Red is the color of blood. Why do I keep hearing my name, shut up shut up shut. Please. I just want to spaz out, what if my teeth fall out from hitting my mouth or biting down too hard. I just rip my hair out, it also falls out, quit looking at me. Now. Don’t grab me weirdo, I’m trying to sleep, GET OUT! What is happening to me, I can’t handle it, help me someone, why is everyone staring, I hate the whispers, get away, I hear every peep, I’m so dizzy, my head is pounding. Leave me alone(don’t get mad) I’m going to destroy everything, STOP IT! Why can’t you be normal you son of a bitch! Fuck you, you’re so annoying, your fucking crazy dude, this is why everyone hates you cause your a bat shit crazy bitch! AHHHHHHH going to rip my fucking skin off, it’s so uncomfortable touching it, fucking hate myself, you’re a crazy bitch.

Im so uncomfortable…

[goodbyefornow-world]

This is the end.

It is goodbye.

As I take my step into the after life

After years of love and years of abuse

Crying for help, a way to escape

I can’t take it anymore

Goodbye, goodnight…

[goodbyefornow-world]

You think she’s okay

Did you even check

Has she eaten? Has she drank water? Has she showered? Has she gotten some sleep?

What did she do today

Did she go to outside? Did she go to school? If so, how was school? Has she made any new friends? Is she passing her classes?

“She’s not responding, maybe she’s asleep, I’ll check in the morning”

——————————————————————————

Your funny you know

You act like you care

Never bother to ask

No, she hasn’t eaten, no she hasn’t drank water, no she hasn’t showered, no she hasn’t slept…

I didn’t do anything today

I didn’t step outside, I rather rot in my room, I didn’t go to school, I don’t have any friends, I’m not passing my classes

I’m not responding because I’m not really here

You won’t see me in the morning nor will you even check…

#suicide awareness month

[goodbyefornow-world]

I think it’s time

I think it’s time to say goodbye

Goodbye to all the fellows and foes who once saw me roam

Goodbye to all the stars and clouds, the rain drops that would once land on my nose

Such a shame, such little time, only 14, and ready to say goodbye

Yes it’s true, I will no longer be with you

You must not let the pain over take, draw your sword and fight, if you face it, you’ll win, back down and surrender, I don’t know what to say

The wind that once wished and swished my hair, the sun rays that would touch my pale skin, the moon light that would make my eyes twinkle, the thunder that would make my heart race, the noise of cars and people that’s like music to my ears, the smells of life, the touch of earth, the person I love who makes me feel worth something

But I can’t suffer anymore, so much wonder, so much hope, pass it on to someone else, maybe I’ll be back

Who knows…

#goodbye #thank you #i love you #suicide awareness month

[goodbyefornow-world]

Listen to your heart… not your enemies

Documenting my life

August 28th, 2023, 10:33

Im a fucking loser, I Hate myself so much why do I always do this shit, I ruin everything, like I try to fit in I try to express myself but then everyone yells at me, why can’t others see I have feelings too, I help so many people, im always there for others but then I get left in the shadows after I bring them out into the light, im forgotten, obviously my day was… something? Yea like I guess it was okay but, I’ve just been, not- okay? Lately, it hurts so much.

1st period was okay

2nd period was good

3rd period was good

4th period was alright

5th period was where I started wanting to cry

6th period made me stressed

7th period I felt okay but when I got home it was just down hill, I don’t know what to do anymore, I just to disappear, ghost everyone, but I’d be selfish

[goodbyefornow-world]

listen to your heart…not your enemies

Documenting my life

August 27th, 2023, 11:30 p.m.

It’s been a long day of doing nothing to be honest, I sat around just thinking about life again.

I spend most of my days thinking, day dreaming, hoping and wishing for a better life, I just don’t know how to escape, I want to leave, I need to get out, I feel like everything is my fault, it is my fault, everyday feels like I’m trapped, banging on the one-way mirror, I see everyone I hear everyone but they can’t see me, they can’t hear me, they can’t hear me calling for help, wanting to get out, run away, escape.

Everyday I deal with narcissist assholes, I wish people asked instead of “what are you doing?” They asked “how are you doing?” I wished someone cared, It hurts to talk to loved ones about my problems, I just feel selfish, so many other people have it worse than me and I know that but I still act selfish because that’s how people act towards me, selfish and narcissistic

If im being honest, documenting my feelings and thoughts and how my day went for the past few minutes felt nice, im going to start doing this everyday.

#listen to your heart not your enemies #documentation #my life #i'm so fucking tired