gem-marie-blog1

[gem-marie-blog1]

Failure is Fleeting

This morning has been a complete failure and I am super bummed out about it. My entire right side was seized up all night last night which causes me to grind my teeth really hard in my sleep and so I not only woke up unable to move or walk, I also had an excruciating headache.  These issues caused me to basically just roll over and lie there in pain until I eventually fell back asleep.  Because of this, I did not get out of bed until around 9:00am, throwing my entire schedule off.  

I am so frustrated!  However, I will NOT be defeated.  I just juiced some good anti-inflammatory fruits and veggies. While that juice is chilling in the fridge I am about to drink my alkaline water and take my supplements.  Then I am going to run a Hot epsom salt bath and soak for at least half an hour to try and relax these constricted muscles.  I am really supposed to be on the phone right now, making prospecting calls for my business.  But that will have to be pushed back a bit until I can get these spasms under control.  I am really hoping at some point today to be able to move well enough to make my walk around the block  and do a bit of weight training.  Although, the possibility of that is looking fairly bleak at the moment.  I am going to try.  That is all I can do.

I just need to access that fighter inside me, that girl who left her troubled past in Birmingham years ago and never looked back.  I need to remember that I have been through much more difficult trials than this.  I need to realize that we all have greatness within us, including me.  I know that if I will just tap into that everyday and do the absolute best that I can do, there is no reason to feel beaten or disappointed in myself.  I need to remember that I can be amazing!

I want this SO bad!  I want to be healthy and fit again.  I want to be happy and excited about life again.  I want to thrive in business again.  I want to be an active and fun mommy to my kids again.  I want to be an equal partner in my marriage again.  I will not give up until I somehow accomplish these things!  I know I can do this.  At the moment it may be difficult to imagine HOW... But I will not give up until I WIN!

#overcome #fight #lyme disease #lyme warrior #i can do this #dontgiveup #greatness #health #finding happiness #strivingforgreatness #keep striving #i will win

[gem-marie-blog1]

And....we’re off!  Kind of

This morning began my new program to try and get fit and put my Lyme disease into remission. I was supposed to get up at 5am with the kids and go for a walk/run. Well, none of us managed to roll out until like 5:20. So we already started out behind the 8 ball, so to speak.  

I am attempting to do the couch to 5k program. I am supposed to spend half an hour running for short bursts of time and then walking. In theory, this will build you up to being able to run a 5k. Well, being the weak sauce that I am these days, I was only able to make it for 15 minutes of this before my right side went numb and I stepped sideways on my foot since I could not feel where I was stepping and nearly fell in the street. I did regain my balance enough to make it back home. But I am sorely disappointed that I was unable to keep going.

One of my biggest issues with trying to get fit while dealing with this stupid disease is that I don’t get that exhilarated feeling of accomplishment after a workout that one gets when healthy. After any type of strenuous activity my body goes into defense mode against all of the toxins that the lyme is releasing into my blood stream. So instead of having that awesome release of serotonin and adrenaline that makes you feel so good, I feel as if I am quite literally on the verge of death.

As I sit here right now and type this out I can barely get my hands to do what I need them to on the keyboard. I have had to delete and start again because of typing gibberish more times than I can count. I have severe chills racking my body every couple of seconds and excruciating pain shooting through all of my joints and the violent muscle spasms are just beginning. Also, I am still extremely numb on my right side which will likely cause me to end up having to use my cane today. This is certainly not pleasant to say the least. But hopefully it will be worth it.

Later today I will do some weight training with my son after school.  I am hoping I will regain all of the feeling in my right arm before then, so that I don't end up only being able to work the left. That would suck. But I did make the commitment that I will do as much as I physically can each day. So either way, that is what I intend to do.

I am just going to keep trying and keep pushing to be able to do a little more each day. That is all I can do. I simply cannot give up and fade away. I am so tired of being sick. I am tired of not being able to fully participate in life. I will keep fighting. I will not stop. I will win!

#self help #lyme disease #chronic illness #lyme warrior #running #exercise #overcome #dont stop #inspiration #i can do this #i will win

[gem-marie-blog1]

Water Lily

Sometimes I get so lost in my own issues with this illness that I forget to acknowledge just how lucky I am in life.  I have an amazing husband who loves and supports me and is truly my very best friend.  I have two amazing children that I get the privilege of raising and they are just growing into the most caring, compassionate and intelligent little people a mother could hope for.  I have wonderfully supportive friends and neighbors and get to work with some really great people.  I now have both my mother and my sister in my life after many, many years of being estranged from my entire family.  I have a loving Father in Heaven who helps me and guides me and blesses my life in countless ways. I have hope. What I am doing is extremely difficult and somedays I feel that I just want to give up. I am tired and it is unfair and I don't feel like fighting anymore, etc.  I can start to feel overwhelmed by these thoughts of hopelessness if I don't remember to count those blessings I listed above and the other many wonderful things in my life.  I know that things could be so much worse. This does not mean it isn't hard or that I should feel guilty for being frustrated at times.  It just means that if I can take a moment to step back and see things in their proper perspective, I will realize that I have a lot to be grateful for.  This is what I am fighting for.  I am striving everyday to be a little better than yesterday and to realize that none of the super hard things in life have been able to stop me so far.  Lyme disease won't stop me either. I will get back out there and start doing my thing again.  I will show my children the true definition of perseverance.  I will not back down from this challenge.  I sure have been taking a while to wrap my head around all of this and figuring out how to change the story.  I have been allowing myself to shut down and wallow in self pity. I have been acting like a person who has the capacity to be defeated. This is NOT who I am. I am a survivor!  I am an overcomer of hard things.  I am a freaking warrior! It is time to start acting the part.  It is time to stop playing at this. It is time to realize that yes, I can do hard things and even harder things.  I have to see this challenge for what it is and stop letting it get the better of me.  Somehow I have got to remember who I am!  I am not a quitter.  I am not a chump. I am not a shrinking violet.  I am a water lily that grows up from the muck and the mud into the most beautiful flower which then floats triumphantly above the sludge from which it grew! This is who I am.... and... I WILL WIN!!!!!

[gem-marie-blog1]

Wednesday, March 29  8:30 am Today is the test.  Will I be able to stay strong in my commitment to work out no matter how awful I am feeling?  So far all I want to do is stay in this warm bed with my soft blanket and shut the world out. I did so well the past couple of days.  I did my killer workouts, juiced pretty regularly, took my supplements, ate clean and even got some actual work done.  I have been feeling pretty motivated and so far the herx has not ben terrible.  That is, until today.  This morning I feel like I have the flu and a sinus infection at the same time.  I am freezing no matter what I do to try and get warm and my whole body is weak and hurting.  I am so sleepy I can barely see straight and did I mention I am FREEZING?  UGH!  There are not enough blankets on this bed. Somehow I have got to find the fight inside me that will allow me to move forward and continue doing the things I am supposed to be doing in order to get well.  I need to go take my supplements and workout.  I really need the exercise above everything else I think.  Did I mention I have been having to use my cane this morning?  Yeah.  My stupid cane!  So aggravating.  How the heck am I supposed to do cardio with that thing?  My workout will be fine either way because today is bicep and tricep day.   Doesn't matter if walking is hard when you are working arms.  At least I have that reassurance.  It's the 30 min of cardio I am supposed to do beforehand which is the challenge.  I don't move very fast on cane days.  This makes me unsure if I will be able to get my heart rate up much less break a sweat.  Not good.  I will have to think on this a bit and figure out what to do. For now I am just going to focus on how to force myself out of this bed, go take my meds and then hopefully the rest will somehow fall into place.  I don't know.  I can tell you that I certainly do not want to do it.  I just want to curl up and try to be warm and try to go back to sleep.  Unfortunately, I know that doing so would be counter productive.  I have got to push past this.  UGH!!  I hate this part! Later... Thanks to encouragement from some of my wonderful Facebook friends and my resolve to the idea that I hate being sick more than I hate the discomfort of physical activity,  I did it!  I managed to pull myself together and put in a pretty decent workout.  Of course, I did not get to do the cardio I needed but I was able to do some light weight training.  I am happy with that.   It feels like a win! I can honestly say that no matter how much pain I am in nor how often I lose feeling in my extremities or how many chest pains I have at night or any of the other delightful symptoms of this crazy illness I may experience, I am beginning to understand that the mental side of this is the most difficult challenge I face.  I think that is true of everyone to some extent though.  Don't you?  No matter what it is that a person is attempting to accomplish, if your mind is not right it is not going to happen.  We've all heard the cliche that your greatest opponent is yourself, right?  Well, people say that because it is a true statement.  If you have not decided that you Can, you won't.  Simple as that. Today I proved to myself that I CAN!  I can fight through whatever pain I am dealing with and make efforts to be healthy everyday.  Somedays those efforts may look weak in comparison to what I did the day before. But as long as I am making forward progress and I can honestly say that I am giving all that I can, I know that I will make it through this. I know that I can turn this thing around.  It may not happen in the timeframe that I want.  But it will happen eventually.  As long as keep that in mind, I feel I can keep striving to get there.  I am not worried.  I am not defeated.  I am not weak. I WILL WIN!

#Support #Positive #Overcome #Mindset #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Learn #Health #Healing #Grow #Exercise #Challenges

[gem-marie-blog1]

Tuesday March 28, 2017    9:45 am We all know that jumping on the fitness bandwagon is not easy for anyone.  If it were the whole world would look like super heroes.  The truth is that it is just really difficult to motivate yourself and stay consistent.  Of course, I am facing this challenge with an additional struggle.  I not only have to get over my typical, lazy human tendencies.  I also have to figure out where to find the energy I do not have and the courage to fight through more intense physical pain than I have ever experienced, in order to keep going or to even get started at all. I have spent a lot of time pondering what to do and how to get myself over the hump of mental, emotional and physical weakness so that I can move forward and really start making more definite progress toward better health.  It has been agonizing to say the least.  I am nervous about injury and more than that, I seriously lack stamina of any kind at this point.  Oh well, if I am ever going to get better, the show must go on.  Whether I feel like I am dying or not, I have to find a way to work out EVERY DAY! I have decided that the best plan of attack is to go back to something I love and at one time felt very fulfilled in doing and that is lifting.   I simply LOVE weight training! It is my favorite form of exercise and I know that the results from it are amazing. So, I went back and found some of my old workouts.  These are from when I was spending a couple hours a day at the gym.   Yes... I was a huge gym rat at one time.  I won't be able to share my exact workouts with you all because they belong to the trainer I was using at the time.  But I can at least give you an idea of what I am up to each day.   I will talk about modifications and that sort off thing in case it could be helpful to any of you who may be trying to workout at home like I am.  Of course, if you ever have questions... just ask me.  I will help in any way I can. This will be interesting as I am SO weak these days.  Supersets with a 2 lb dumbbell anyone?  Oh me!  Me!  Pick me!  Again, there is definitely a reason I am not taking this little sideshow to a gym anytime soon. All of that being said... I am off to get myself going on my first workout.  I am really not as psyched up about it as I need to be.  But I have made the decision to try and there is no turning back now.  This is go time!  Time to put my money where my mouth is and start actually making some of these big positive changes we've been talking about.  I know I can do this.  I just have to dig deep and remember why I am doing it in the first place. Wednesday, March 29, 2017  7:58 am My workout yesterday was AMAZING!!  Of course I had to do a little modification and the weight I used is quite laughable.  Who cares?!  I am just excited to have done it!  I am also very pleased with the fact that I am up and moving this morning with no real problems outside pain and slight irritability which are part of every morning anyway.  So no harm, no foul!  I am absolutely elated to have been able to do one of my workouts from back in the day.  Yes.  I just said that... BACK IN THE DAY!!  Maybe I am old.  Again, who cares?!  I am seriously on cloud nine this morning! A couple of big wins yesterday and the anticipation of my pending workout this morning along with the LISTING APPOINTMENT that I have this evening, really just have me bouncing off the walls.  I haven't felt this exhilarated in a very long time. The only downside are the nerves going into this listing presentation.  It has just been so long since I have presented at this point I am feeling a little uneasy. However, I know that my efforts will be blessed and I have a ton of people praying for and sending positive vibes out for me and my family.  If we are meant to be blessed with this listing we will be.  I am not worried! It feels so great to have a little hope this morning.  It feels like maybe things could actually turn around.  I feel as if I may not slip any further into the dark depression that has recently laid hold of my mind and my spirit.  I feel like I can still do this. There is light at the end of the tunnel.   My world does not have to be forever ruined by the monster that is Lyme disease. I WILL WIN!!

[gem-marie-blog1]

Today I had, what we in the south would refer to as a, "come to Jesus moment." During a long talk with my super patient and supportive husband, I realized that I have not been attacking this KILL THE LYME thing with as much intensity as I intended when we started out.  Even then I wasn't hitting it full throttle like I need to.  I have seriously been phoning it in and just doing the bare minimum to maintain day to day.  It is time to push it into high gear. I don't know if I have been holding back due to laziness or fear.  At this point I really don't care.  What I do know is that we do not have the option of taking our time.  I have got to fix this NOW!  I feel like I have said this before, possibly in another post. Geez... what a roller coaster.  Right? Today I rededicated myself to pushing to my limit to kill as much lyme as possible.  I am revisiting the idea that I already feel awful.  I may as well feel awful because I am making some positive progress.  I do not know where the stamina is going to come from.  I do not know how I am going to muster the strength to still work out and go hard on the days I can hardly move.  I guess I will just have to dig deeper than ever before and pray hard everyday that I will have the mental fortitude to push past my emotional and physical limits and MAKE THIS HAPPEN.   I need to engage my military mind and remember that "Pain Is Weakness Leaving the Body!"  A ranger with the 101st airborne taught me that little motto years ago. I believe now is a great time to put this philosophy to good use. NO BABY STEPS HERE! Immediately after having this realization I "ran" the stairs in my house until I could not take one more step.  For me this was 50 trips up and down.  It was actually a pretty intense workout for this out of shape lymie.  I puked at the end and couldn't quite see straight.  So I figure I must have gone as hard as I could go.  I just kept telling myself, every time I wanted to stop, that our brain gives up long before our bodies have to.  It is true!  I just have to keep reminding myself and STOP WIMPING OUT! So, now I am sitting here feeling the effects of the impending herx and instead of the usual powerlessness, I feel liberated!  I am ready!  Bring it on Lyme!  Go ahead and try to assault me one last time on your way out.  I am ready!  In other words, Die you little bastards!  Die! Another lesson learned today... although it may be more time efficient, it is not necessarily a good idea to juice everything you are going to drink for the day, in the morning.  I am attempting to drink the green juice I made earlier right now and I am not sure which ingredient it is, but something coagulated and now it is full of some kind of weird mush and the taste... NOT GOOD!  I don't know what happened.  But this is disgusting.  I am going to have to run it through the juicer again or something. No way I can choke this down.  I know I just talked really big about being mentally tough.  But I draw the line at drinking this funky green mush.  Puking once today is plenty for me, thanks. Update: I really am getting a little stronger in mindset already, I guess.  Shortly after writing the above, I decided to just put the juice in a shaker bottle and try to break up the mush. Still not my favorite juice flavor by a long shot, but I am just choking it down.  It's not about the taste.  It is merely fuel. LYME KILLING FUEL! It is seriously pretty gross though.  I will post the recipe anyway in case someone else might like it.  I can't decide if the problem is that I juiced the lemon, peel and all (there is so much good stuff in the peel) or if it is too much kale or celery or a not so delightful combination of the three.  All I do know is that this is my first experimental juice fail.  So I am not all that upset about it.  If any of you happen to find a way to tweak this recipe let me know what you did.  I would try it again if I could figure out where I went wrong. Later: Now I am just waiting for the kiddos to finish their showers and go to bed so that I can take my  wonderful and well deserved detox bath.  I am in quite a bit of pain currently, my right leg is pretty numb and I am having some very intense chills off and on.  This tells me that there is definitely some die off occurring.  This makes me optimistic.  Is it a miserable experience when the lyme starts to die and releases toxins into my bloodstream?  Of course!  Frankly, it is one of the most awful feelings I have ever experienced.   Nevertheless, it makes me happy. I feel that I have done some good today. Although it may be faint and far off in the distance, there is certainly light at the end of the tunnel. That is all I need to keep fighting. Juice recipes from today: This morning's super yummy orange/carrot juice 2 navel oranges 1 lg granny smith apple 2 sm gala apples 6 carrots 1 banana 1 inch ginger This afternoon/evening's really gross green juice 7 kale leaves 1/4 c parsley 1 med granny smith apple 2 pears 1 lemon 2 cucumbers 3 celery stalks 1/2 c blueberries 1 inch ginger Really seems like it should have tasted better.  LOL!   I am still baffled. Also, yes I did say afternoon/evening.   I had to drink this stuff twice today.  Oh well, trial and error. We will do better tomorrow. Thanks again for reading along.  Your support truly means the world to me.

[gem-marie-blog1]

Detox Bath

So I did this new detox bath a couple nights ago that I think I am in love with!  I am about to try it again and thought I would share a bit about it with you. I combined some things from a couple recipes I liked.  I will post the recipe I used below.  I also tried to incorporate meditation into the bath.  Is that weird?  Oh man I hope not.  It didn't occur to me that maybe I shouldn't tell you guys that.   Maybe.... That.....  Sounds crazy?   I don't know.  I don't typically chat with people regarding their bath habits.  Who knows what the etiquette is for that?  Haha.  So whatever... If I'm weird, I'm weird.  Fortunately for me, you like me.  So we can just get on with the rest of the story. To the meditation topic, a while back I did a roman detox bath at a spa nearby.  It was 60 minutes long and it was A-mazing!  There was light music playing, pretty sure it was Enya, and the lights were low.  Instead of reading the book I had brought with me, I chose to just try and lie back and shut down my brain and feel the water and the music and not think about anything other than healing.  It was an emotional and believe it or not, spiritual hour for me in that detox bath.  Sounds kind of silly, doesn't it?   Silly or not, it was quite the experience!  So I decided to try it again for this detox bath which was 30 minutes long, I would shut the lights down and close my eyes and try again to meditate. This bath was different.  My brain was all over the place.  I am not a person who really knows how to slow down like that.  I typically have to have some sort of background noise and/or distraction all the time.  So to try and sit in silence for half an hour is a big stretch for me. So, I didn't actually meditate as much as I had hoped.  I did think about a lot of things though.  So maybe that is helpful.  Time will tell.  I will have to continue working on the meditation. Regardless, this was one of the best detox baths EVER!  Here is my recipe... 1cup Epsom Salt 1 cup sea salt 2 cups baking soda 7 drops lavender (you can use any essential oil or none at all) 1 cup Apple Cider Vinegar 1/2 cup ground ginger It is best if you dissolve the baking soda, sea salt and epsom salt in a pot of boiling water first and then add that to your super warm bath along with the other ingredients.  Be careful that your pot is big enough!  I made the mistake of using a medium size pot and the baking soda caused it to boil over making a HUGE mess. I will also warn you that this does NOT make pretty, inviting water in the tub.  It was super gross looking.  It felt like I was about to step into raw sewage, seriously that is the color it makes.  Try not to be deterred by the ugliness of the funky brown water you just made.   Just get in and know that it is going to detox the heck out of your body and make you feel SO much better! You should only sit in this bath for 30 minutes and then shower off. Let me know if you try it!  I would like to hear your thoughts.

#Support #Positive #Overcome #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Learn #Health #Healing #Detox #Bath

[gem-marie-blog1]

So What Now?

One of the most difficult challenges to our current situation is finding some sort of balance between work, family and illness.  For me it has been very difficult to focus on my career in the way I once did.  I used to be over the moon about real estate.  As a matter of fact when I first got into the business we discovered right away that I have a natural talent and ability for this particular career.  It was as if I had found my calling.  I was even the number 3 agent in all of the Remax Mountain States division prior to our move to Utah.  That was a pretty big deal considering the size of some of the markets I was competing with.  I am a great Realtor. Factor in chronic illness, however, and things begin to take on a different light.  Attitudes shift, confidence is lost and perspective begins to change.  Everything in life is overshadowed by pain and fatigue to the point that it is difficult to feel overly excited or motivated toward anything.  Add in brain fog and I am a recipe for unemployment. How do I not only beat Lyme disease, but effectively get myself back to real life?  I NEED to be a real estate agent.  I actually loved it before I got sick.  Like seriously, it was all I ever talked about.  I am sure I drove people nuts.  I need to get that fire back! I do not have the luxury of being a stay at home mommy blogger.  LOL! Somehow I have to wrap my head back around doing the hard and not as fun part of the job which is to cold call and build new clientele.  Anyone who is in any type of direct sales should be able to relate to this.  It is the least glamorous or enjoyable part of my profession.  But it is a necessary evil.  Not an easy one to undertake when you feel like absolute garbage every single day.  The challenging part is that it is a numbers game.  One must get rejected many many times prior to ever hearing anyone say yes.  It does not matter how good your pitch nor how competent a sales person you are, everyone gets more no's than yes'.  It is simply the nature of the beast.  Well, when you are in constant, excruciating, pain it is difficult to add one more negative thing on top.  It is nearly unbearable to repeatedly speak to people who aren't necessarily the most excited to hear from you (that may be putting it mildly) over and over again, when you already, literally feel as if you may be dying.  If your mindset is not strong, the repeated rejection can break you.  This consistent pain has seriously affected my mindset.  Seriously. It is just not within my capacity right now to add insult to injury. So, what is the solution?   This is what I am trying to figure out.  Do I start looking at a career change?  This blog is certainly not going to pay the bills.  So, now what? There has to be a way to get me back to where I was.  But how? Brent and I had a very candid conversation yesterday about the many facets of the challenges we are currently facing.  He has the weight of the word on his shoulders right now as he is the only one prospecting for new business and is doing other work on the side to supplement our income until I can get myself straightened out.  It is an unfair burden that has been placed upon him.   Unfortunately, I am just too sick and too beat up emotionally to be my best self.  My sales person persona is not a hat I am able to wear presently.  It takes a certain type of mustard that Lyme disease is currently robbing me of.  This makes the future feel extremely uncertain and very scary.  I am faced with the reality that if I cannot turn this around and soon, my family will suffer the consequences.  It will completely change our entire way of life.  I do not want that for them.  It is bad enough that they have to deal with a sick mother who cannot do all of the fun stuff with them anymore.  I cannot allow them to lose the opportunity to attend their awesome school or have to move, or really to lose anything else at all.  It is not fair.  They did not ask to have a sick mother.  I have got to get myself well and back to work.  NOW! I wish it were that easy.  I wish I could just turn it around and be well and able to think clearly and able to go make cold calls for 3 hours a day and able to go give my best sales pitch and make things happen like I used to.  I wanna be able to hustle again! Lyme has stolen my joy and my thunder. I don't really get excited about anything anymore.  I am just existing.  Just trying to maintain.  Just trying not to crack up day to day.  Pain makes you crazy.  It's making me question everything.  How much longer can I do this?  What should I do about it?  Will tomorrow be better/worse?  Will my children resent me?  Am I still competent to do my job?  Will my marriage survive this trial?  Will they find a cure in my lifetime?  How can I make some money soon?  Can I cure myself?  Should I have said that?  What if I did this?  Is it time for antibiotics?  Should I be on pain killers?  What about addiction?  What if this never goes away?  How much more pain can I stand?  What if I get worse?  Could I get worse?  How much worse could this even get? Who is reading this rambling blog of mine? Questions, questions, questions.... I truly wish that I could quell this constant bombardment of thought.  Of course, my little example above merely scratches the surface.  I will not share some of the deeper and darker thoughts that are a part of that never ending reel.  It plays constantly on a loop.  It is maddening.  It must stop. I am still striving to do the healthy things everyday that I can do to heal and get back to a somewhat normal existence.  But, when you have to take a hot bath at 10:00am because you cannot bear the pain of simply being upright, it does not inspire much hope.   I am scared. What if none of what I am doing is going to change things. What if this is just my life now? Man, that is bleak.   I am so sorry that this ended up being such a negative post, friends.  I really try hard to spin some positivity into this whole mess as much as I possibly can.  Somedays are just harder than others.  Sometimes reality slaps you way too hard in the face and you have no choice but to just be honest about the fact that everything is not comping up roses.  That's ok.  I know we will figure this out.  I just know it.  I just don't exactly know how yet.   Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks again for reading. Hopefully my next post will be a little brighter. Now... I am off to juice and take a detox bath and start moving onto doing some good things for myself today.  I may be feeling a little beat down at the moment.  But... I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!   I WILL WIN!!

#Support #Positive #Overcome #Mindset #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Learn #Juicing #Juice #Health #Healing #Exercise #Challenges

[gem-marie-blog1]

Falling Behind

10:39 pm  Thursday I honestly don't think I could have picked a better time to incorporate the glucosamine and magnesium into my program.  I am in so much pain tonight it is almost unbearable to even lie down.  My entire back feels bruised as if someone has beaten me with a baseball bat.  I have muscles spasming everywhere and my joints are on fire.  I truly hope these new supplements help with pain relief, inflammation and sleep as well as the research seems to indicate. I NEED some restful SLEEP NOW! When you go for a certain period of time with little to no sleep it really starts to mess with your mind and your ability to not freak out over every little thing.  I am nearly at the end of my rope all the time lately because I am just exhausted.  I don't sleep soundly because I am in pain all night.  It is turning me into a very grouchy and negative person.  I do not wish to be a big jerk all the time.  So sleep has got to happen and it's got to happen NOW! Of course, I am super genius for sitting here blogging instead of already having the light off if I am so worried about sleep.  Right?  Duh! I hope to have a good report to share with you all in the morning on these new supplements. I also forgot to post my juice recipe today.  I will post it later in this blog post as well, if I can remember everything that went in it.  LOL! 1:53 PM  Saturday I have really been slacking with this blog and with doing the healthy things I am supposed to be doing for myself the past couple of days. Yesterday was the boy's 10th birthday and both the kids performed in a musical at school which had two performances.  I had to do a colonial style hairdo for the girl and stage makeup for a morning and evening performance.  The inlaws came into town for the morning performance and then we all went to a birthday lunch. I started out the morning vomiting off and on for a few hours.  I felt sick and feverish and my joints were killing me for most of the day.  I am not even sure how I managed to do the girl's hair and makeup as it it very difficult to raise my arms much higher than my waste when I am in this condition.  Somehow we made it happen though and she looked adorable. Brent and I were planning to take the kids to see the opening of Kong for the bday boy.  But by the time I had sat on the hard chairs for the hour and a half performance, plus the time we spent at lunch I was in so much pain that I was in a cold sweat.  There was no choice for me other than to come home and lie down while the three of them attended the movie. Man, talk about some serious mom guilt.  I usually go a bit overboard for birthdays.  Typically the kids wake up to balloons and streamers and paper cut outs of the number of years they are turning all over the house.  Unfortunately, I ran out of spoons and pain tolerance before they even made it to bed on Thursday night.  So my sweet little guy, newly double digits (kind of a big deal) did not wake up to these traditions yesterday and I did not attend his birthday movie with him.  Definitely feeling like mom of the year over here! Last night for their second performance I brought their two best friends along to watch and on the way home I stopped and bought a birthday balloon for the boy, flowers for the girl (she had kind of a big part in the play) and a 12 pack of Fanta (the boy's fav) and some cupcakes.  Phoning it in?  You'd better believe it.  We sang happy birthday in the car and they and their buddies had cupcakes on the way home at 9:30pm.  Sometimes I simply do what I can to get by and at least let them know that I care, even if I couldn't do my usual big deal stuff.   It is what it is.  If I obsess over the difference in my current abilities and what I would prefer to be doing,  I will just become depressed and be able to do even less.  I have mourned enough over the loss of the "old me." They know I love them and they still love me regardless of my shortcomings. Thank goodness for a simple reminder from a good friend! I had a sweet friend of mine message me this morning and snap me out of the neglectful way I have conducted myself the past two days.   This friend also struggles with chronic pain and fatigue.  She thanked me for this blog and mentioned that she is struggling to get moving today as she is in a great deal of pain and works a late job.  She mentioned that she finds my sharing about my struggle and my desire to push through the pain to be inspiring.  I appreciate her saying those things.  It made me feel less self conscious about sharing with all of you what I am going through.  But more than that it was a great wake up call! What the heck am I doing?  I didn't juice at all or exercise yesterday.  I only took a portion of my supplements.  I am in the process of baking a cake and throwing a birthday party today and have gone half the day, yet again, without doing everything in my regimen.  I did take my EmergenC and calcium, magnesium and B12.  But I have done little else that I am supposed to be doing to get myself well.  Instead I am only doing the things that wear me out and cause more pain.  How can I justify burning up spoons (refer to March 7 post for the 'spoon theory') and wearing myself out, if I am not going to try to replenish my energy and my ability to fight this harmful parasite in my body? Not smart, Gem Marie!  Get your act together! I messaged my friend back and encouraged her to get moving, even if it is just a little bit and/or to try and put some good things into her body today.  I can tell you this, one thing I will not be is a hypocrite.  I will not dole out advice and not practice what I preach.  It is just not in my character to do so.  Therefore, I am stepping up my game! I am so grateful to this friend for reaching out to me today!  Little did she know that in her effort to seek a little support on her end, she actually threw a big push my way.  We never know why we are prompted to reach out to another and I would venture a guess based on my own experience, that a lot of times our pride gets in the way and we choose not to do it.  We suffer in silence and think that no one wants to hear what we have to say.  Or that they wouldn't want to be bothered with our need for a little understanding.  What's funny about that is the fact that we may be helping them just as much, if not more, than they are helping us.  I am so grateful my friend was not too prideful to speak up and let me know she is struggling today.  I am sending positive vibes and much love her way and to anyone else who is having a hard time. WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER! I have decided to share what I told my friend in response to her message in case it could be helpful to anyone else who might be reading.  I really hope she won't mind. "It's certainly not easy and I get down on myself and my disease too sometimes. I think everyone who suffers with chronic pain and illness does. It's hard. Just hang in there babe and pick something small that you know you can handle and do it. It will make you feel like you've accomplished something and that begins to change your mindset which helps in not compounding an already difficult situation, by beating yourself up for the stuff you can't do. Make sense? So, say walking around isn't in the cards today, choose to write a letter or journal or read something uplifting or drink more water or choose to add in some foods today that help with pain and inflammation. Then, at the end of the day if you have managed to do that thing, whatever it is, you can use that feeling of accomplishment to push to do a little more tomorrow. Moving is important and believe it or not, even though our pain and fatigue is real, the ability to push yourself to get moving a little, is mostly mental. Every athlete or soldier will tell you that your brain gives up on any physical task long before your body ever will. Think about the 4 minute mile. For years no one thought it was possible until finally one guy did it. Then something like 14 other people did in that same year. The perception of their physical limitations had changed. That is really all it takes. If you are in too much pain, take a hot bath with Epsom salt to loosen up and then go for a super short walk or do some light stretching. Pick something you can handle but that is maybe a little more than the norm. If you do that, little by little everyday, my theory is that you will start to see some positive changes. I've been slacking pretty bad with my maintenance and with my blog the past couple days because we have had a lot going on. It's hard to remember to take care of ourselves like we should when our needs become overshadowed by those of our family. That is the balance I am working on figuring out currently. I have this very unhealthy all or nothing thing going on. Thank you so much for your message! You have helped snap me out of it and made me realize that I can't neglect myself today. I still have I take the time to put good things in my body and detox and blog and all the other healthy stuff I've been trying to do. Let me know if you are able to find a way to challenge yourself today. I would love to hear what you did and how it went! Remember it doesn't have to be big. Just has to be different." I went on to tell her that I hope I wasn't offensive with my advice. I know that the hardest thing to hear when one is in debilitating pain is that you should be moving or frankly that you need to DO anything. It can be so much easier said than done. I used to get pretty pissed when people would make this type of suggestion to me. I still get pretty annoyed with Brent from time to time when he tries to remind me of things like this, especially on super bad pain days. But whether I like it or not, this is what is required in order to start to heal. I know for a fact that the more times I win this particular battle in whatever small way I can, the better off I am in the long run. It is a long and arduous process, but it is the only path that I have found to at least begin making some small yet significant progress toward being well.

So, now to the healthy steps I am taking to ensure I do not remain completely off track today. - I am currently drinking some organic kombucha. - As soon as I finish the kombucha I will have orange juice, cherry juice and turmeric - I have taken ibuprofen - I have just taken my second dose of EmergenC - I am pounding water like crazy - I am juicing an anti-inflammatory juice as soon as I finish the cake - I will have a hot detox bath as soon as our party guests leave at 8:00pm This may just be the bare minimum today.  But as I told my friend, any progress is forward progress and is a positive thing. Update: The plan above did not quite go off without a hitch.  Kids started showing up early.  The mirror galaxy cake my son requested did not exactly work out.  As a matter of fact, I baked two different cakes.  Both a flop.  One, a fanta cake at the boy's initial request, which fell apart completely.  I then baked a second cake which also imploded, once I poured the glaze over top of it.  The punch overflowed, because I accidentally froze the 7up and the whole process of trying to have the treats ready in time for that portion of our little party was basically a big disaster.  Therefore, I ended up not having time to juice.  Bummer.  Instead, I am now drinking a Kevita Ginger and Turmeric drink.  Not my favorite flavor to be honest.  It kind of tastes like a spicy sort of pickle juice.  Yuck!  But it has some great probiotic and anti-inflammatory qualities.  So I will drink it whether I love it or not!  It is all about doing whatever I can to feel better, right?   Right! I used to spend two days planning and executing what were some pretty killer cakes for my kids' birthdays.   Now I try my luck at whipping up something cool in an afternoon.  Sometimes it works out.  Sometimes it does not.  I was pretty hard on myself earlier today when things were falling apart. I said and thought some very negative things about what a terrible mom I am and how nothing basically goes right anymore and blah, blah, blah... Self talk: Geez!  Get over yourself Gem Marie!  What is your deal?  Those kids shoveled cake into their like mouths like somebody was gonna take it away from them,  all while excitedly chattering about all the fun they had just had outside playing night games, led by the boy's awesomely fun dad.  Those kids couldn't have cared less what the stupid cake looked like.  Neither could that sweet boy.  Later he thanked us for an awesome birthday. It's true y'all!  They had a blast!  So who cares?  Saying something true to myself to quell negative thoughts is one of the new habits I am trying to develop.  I am certainly not the best at it.  But it is very helpful when I can put myself in check like that.  Sometimes it doesn't happen until hours later.  But I think as long as it happens at some point it can be counted as progress. Alright my friends, now I am off to take a much needed, and in my own opinion, well deserved and relaxing bath. Thanks as usual, for reading.  Please comment if you have anything to add or have any questions at all. Affirmation: I will do all that is within my capability and will not allow myself to shrink in the face of my challenges.

#Support #Supplements #Reaching Out #Positive #Mindset #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Learn #Juicing #Juice #Health #Healing #Grow #Friend #Exercise

[gem-marie-blog1]

Oh man...  Last night was pretty rough and this morning I can barely move.  Maybe 150 chair dips is a bit excessive for a person who has been somewhat sedentary for the better part of the past two years.

It was fun to do that workout, though, and at one point yesterday I could feel that good burn in my muscles that I used to get when I was killing it at the gym.  Despite all of the other pain I live with on a daily basis, THAT was a great feeling!  It made me feel as if I could actually accomplish something here.  The key is going to be having the mental fortitude to just keep doing as much as possible no matter how much I hurt.  So... to the workout.

Pre Workout

Today I have decided to do another AMRAP

12 minutes

10 burpees

15 situps

10 box (chair) step-ups 

It may seem a little weak, especially compared to what I did yesterday.  But I learned back when I did a little bit of crossfit that 12 minutes is plenty if you are going as hard as you can.

Alright.... and we're off!

Post Workout

Whew!!!  Ok... That nearly killed me.  

I definitely still hate burpees.  LOL!   I ended up with 3 rounds + 7 burpees.

Not too bad I don't think.  It certainly feels like I did something.  So I will take it as a win!

7:30 pm

Beginning today, I am increasing my Vitamin C and adding Magnesium, Zinc and Glucosamine to my regimen.  

To have a better understanding of the benefits of Vitamin C, check out this awesome article on my doctor's website.  

http://www.westcliniconline.com/ivc-therapy/

Here is why I am implementing Zinc

https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/minerals/health-benefits-of-zinc.html

Magnesium has tons of benefits, especially if dealing with chronic pain and fatigue:

http://www.ancient-minerals.com/magnesium-benefits/

Glucosamine has the following benefits:

https://draxe.com/glucosamine/

I am hopeful that these additional supplements will lend to quicker healing and recovery from exercise and hopefully help with my energy levels, which at this point, are at an all time low.

Mindset

As I work through this process I find it very difficult to be patient with myself and accept the fact that I am just not the same as I used to be or want to be.  I want so badly to have energy to do fun things with my kids or deep clean my house.  Yesterday I literally unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and folded two loads of laundry.  You would think I had done a top to bottom spring cleaning on the entire house for how exhausted I was at the end of those two simple, little tasks.  

Absolutely ridiculous!  

This reminds me that one area in which I am seriously dropping the ball with this program, is that I am not feeding my mind the positive information I had promised to everyday.  Quite frankly, when you are in constant pain you tend to just want something to take your mind off it and let you escape reality.  Hence, the stupid amount of mindless television I allow myself to get sucked into.  Then, of course, there is the black hole we refer to as Facebook.  I can get sucked down that rabbit hole for hours on end if I am not careful.  These past few days I have been indulging in these mind numbing activities more than I care to admit.  I am following the path of least resistance and it has to stop! These things are not going to help me get over myself so that I can get back to my life and killing it as a mom and at my career, as quickly as I need to.  So beginning tonight I am recommitting myself to at least a half hour of reading good, inspiring, uplifting, and/or educational material daily.  That is the very least I can do and it would be stupid to go forward without doing so.  I should really be doing an hour, but something I have learned recently is that sometimes a more attainable, short-term goal is better.  This way I will feel a sense of accomplishment in crushing the smaller goal and can then set my sights on a loftier one. Ok my friends, thank you all again for reading.  It means so much to me to be able to share my struggles and triumphs with you.  I promise there will be triumphs!  I am heading off to a nice relaxing bath and then bed.  I'm super hopeful that I will sleep better tonight with some of the new supplements I am taking.  I will let you know tomorrow!  Goodnight y'all! Affirmation: I am healing my body and my mind by the minute, by the hour, and by the day! I will win!!!

#Supplements #Positive #Mindset #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Juicing #Juice #Health #Healing #Exercise

[gem-marie-blog1]

Feeling like death this morning. Everyone overslept. I am having a pretty rough herx and my body is not cooperating with me.  I slept terribly, kept waking up with chills and terrible body aches.  I believe my workout today will be a little later than yesterday.  I have to get control of myself before I can go down and do it.   Right now I am just focused on getting the kids off to school.  I will figure out my next move after they have gone. 8:10 am Ok.   So Brent and the kids just left.  I have taken some benadryl, B12, EmergenC, Orange juice with concentrated cherry juice and turmeric.  I forgot to do the warm lemon water first.  Oops.  I think I am going to need to do a bath first today.  I am not moving easily enough to go work out and not completely dog it.  There is no real point in my doing it if I am barely moving.  I have to get the heart rate up and raise body temp if there is any hope in killing more lyme.  So I will do the bath right now and see if I can losen up my joints and muscles a bit and hopefully change my attitude. All I really want is to get back in bed.  Fortunately, Brent is a great cheerleader.  Even though it pissed me off that he was telling me on his way out the door, not to get back in bed, I know he is right.  So I am going to do the bath, then juice, then get downstairs and work out for the day.  We will see how changing the order of things affects me today and then I will know whether it was a good idea or not going forward. 10:57 am Glad I got a bath in.  I am much less stiff now and think I can actually wrap my head around working out. Today for my workout, I am doing a 20 minute AMRAP (as many reps as possible) 25 chair dips, 15 jumping jacks, 10 squats.  So each time I cycle through this counts as one rep or round. Haha!  My number could literally be one with the shape I am currently in.  I hope not. I am going to go as hard as I can and see what happens. 11:39 am MUCH BETTER workout today! Cold shower was AMAZING! So my count ended up being 5 rounds + 25 chair dips This was much better for me than doing T25.  I am going to do these crossfit type of workouts everyday that I am able.  I like the idea of just going as hard as I can for however long and setting my own pace much better than doing any video.   My arms are spent,  my lungs were burning and I had a great sweat going.  I think this style of working out will benefit me much more at this point.  These workouts allow me to push until the point of failure, which can only be killing that much more lyme.  These workouts do not cause me to walk away feeling dejected like I do when I have to follow the girl doing modifications on the workout video, with her fake sweat and overly cheerful disposition. Her name is Tonya.  Tonya makes me want to punch the television in the face. Yeah... no more Tonya for this chick! Sure wish I wouldn't have gotten rid of that kettle bell.  LOL! 12:45 pm Had tuna for lunch.  So far I haven't juiced today.  I will do that after my reading.   I am a little behind on stuff I guess. 12:49 pm Self talk -   STOP PROCRASTINATING and MAKE THE JUICE!! Ok. Ok.  I will make the flipping juice.  Geez... you don't have to yell. (So maybe I had a little argument with myself.  Big deal!  You know you do it too.) Experimental Juice Recipe: 3 carrots 3 celery stalks 1 green apple 1 gala apple 1 pear half a lemon 1 cup blueberries A couple of slices of beet (sorry can't give a better quantity, this beet is the size of a softball, I'm just cutting a little off as I need it) 1 inch of ginger Not sure how this will taste,  but it sure is a pretty color! 1:32 pm Oh my goodness!!  So good, y'all!  This juice is BOMB!  Will certainly be one of my favorites.  I'm really glad I started this blog so I will actually be able to remember what I put in it.  So handy! 4:03 pm Just picked up the kids from school and had to crawl straight into bed upon getting home.  My joints are hurting so bad that all I can think if right now is to get propped up and try to take as much pressure off them as possible.  We bought an adjustable bed a couple years ago, specifically for my chronic pain issues.  I can raise the feet and the head to a comfortable position.  This combined with a few strategically placed pillows allows me to kind of put myself in traction.  This helps to alleviate some joint pain.  Thank goodness for this bed on days like today!  I am also shivering with the chills and when I move it feels as if I have heavy weights strapped to my arms and feet.  It's like walking through peanut butter.  On top of this I am very dizzy and nauseated when walking around and I have SO much pain shooting through my body it's ridiculous.  Even the bottoms of my feet and my fingertips hurt.  I can literally feel my pulse throbbing in all my fingers.  My head feels like it weighs 2 tons and my neck is screaming.   I am also super light sensitive right now.  So driving home on this sunny day was as if the sun was boring a hole right into my brain.  Don't even get me started on noise.  Let's just say that EVERYTHING is too loud right now.  I feel extremely worn out.   Not sure how I will get through this evening and feed the children and all that fun stuff that we mommies do. I just don't have any spoons left today. To understand the spoon reference, check out the spoon theory here: https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle." 

                                        ~ Napoleon Hill

#Supplements #Positive #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Juicing #Juice #Health #Healing #Exercise

[gem-marie-blog1]

And So it Begins...

7:45am

Ok.... Today is Monday and the beginning of my intense regimen to try and kill as much lyme as possible.  I was unable to drag myself out of bed at 5:00 this morning as I had hoped.  Got up at 6:00 instead.  UGH... I will have to keep working on the early rising.

I started out by drinking 16oz of warm water with a half a lemon squeezed in.  This is to help get my system alkaline and to get my digestive tract moving toward detoxification.  I just finished my EmergenC for an extra vitamin boost and am drinking my morning juice.  This juice consists of 3 carrots, 2 apples, 2 oranges, 1/2 lemon and 1 inch of ginger.  It's pretty darned good!  

I also went ahead and juiced my lunchtime juice to bring down to the basement with me in case I get stuck down there.  It is 2 apples, 2 cucumbers, 3 kale leaves, a whole bunch of spinach (really not sure), and 1/2 cup of parsley.   It was supposed to have 8 kale leaves and no spinach.  But I only had 3.  So I supplemented with the spinach.  Not sure if I will love the taste of this one or not.  Will let you know.

Now to get the dishwasher started and gather my stuff for my trip to the basement.  LOL!  Seems awfully weird to be "packing a bag" for the basement. But... we do what we must, right? (The reason for this was explained in a previous post)

9:58am Just finished my workout and seriously feel like I am dying.  I only fell down once and only cried through half of it.  This, along with cost concerns, is the reason that I will not be taking this little circus to a gym anytime soon.  Trust me though, it's mostly this.  HAHA!  Who wants to work out next to the crying/falling down chick?  Um... NOBODY, that's who.   How awkward would that be?! I did make it to the end, though!  So, I will call it a win! I am now chilling (literally) in the basement floor trying to recover so that I can make it upstairs into the shower.  I just took one of my herx remedies.  For any lymie friends who may be reading, it is alkaseltzer gold with lemon in the water for alkalization and 6 glutathione capsules.  Supposedly this has a 70% rate of effectiveness in relief of herx symptoms.  Another thing that helps is benadryl.  I have taken one of those as well.  Now I am just pounding water and waiting to recover enough to ascend the stairs. The chills have already started unfortunately.  I fear this herx will be a killer.  It might seem counter intuitive that I am now putting an ice pack on me as I am shivering with the chills.  However, the cold helps lower my body temp faster so that maybe I can keep this herx from being too bad.  It is not pleasant.  Let me tell ya.  The cold shower I will take in a few minutes will be even worse.  It is about the most uncomfortable thing I can think of right now.  But, I will suck it up and do it. I want to be well more than I want to be comfortable. 11:04am Made it upstairs!  Woo-hoo!  Wasn't stuck down there nearly as long as I had imagined.  It was very difficult to bring everything back upstairs with me though.  I am going to need to come up with a better plan.  I know somedays I will not recover as quickly as today.  If the paralysis happens I have to be prepared to hang in the basement as long as necessary.  Will have to think about solutions. Now for my cold shower!   UGH!!!  Not looking forward to this at all. 11:20am Cold showers SUCK!   That is all. 12:35pm Well, Mr. Herxheimer is in full effect.  Seriously just want to curl up in a little ball and sleep.  I am freezing, my legs don't work right and the electric pain... Oh man.. Don't even get me started on that.  I think I will take a nap. Late Afternoon? My nap lasted about 45 min to an hour.  I got up and drank my lunchtime, green juice.  It was not my favorite.  But it wasn't horrible.  Took some more benadryl.  Read for a little while but my focus is not great.  One of the symptoms of my Lyme, that is exacerbated by the herx,  is something we, in the chronic illness community,  call brain fog.  It is basically just an impaired cognitive function.   This brain fog makes my recall almost non-existent.  So I read something and immediately cannot remember what I just read.  Half an hour of rereading the same three pages is not a very productive way to spend one's time.  So, I gave up after a while.  Will try again tomorrow. I hobbled out to the car with my stupid cane around 2:45pm to pick up the kids from school.  Got home and started sending kids to piano lessons at our neighbor's house one at a time.  Then they settled into homework.  By about 4:30 I had a raging headache which made me feel as if my eyes would pop right out of my head.  Took a little medicine for that.  Drank some green juice and went to the bathroom for the 200th time today.  My afternoon basically consisted of that.  Trying to snuggle under a blanket to get the chills to subside, taking meds, drinking juice and water and going to the bathroom.  LOL!   Really interesting stuff here, right? 8:08 pm Just sent the kids to bed finally.  I've been having terrible chills for the past hour.  I am getting in a detox bath asap.  Just waiting for the water to heat back up after the kids' showers.  I took some more benadryl a little while ago.  Sure hoping that will kick in and help soon. I was hoping that I would be able to only juice today.  My theory is that if I could do a juice fast for a couple days it will help flush toxins faster.   But my hunger got the best of me this evening and frankly, I cannot tolerate being this miserable and starving too. I am pretty strong, but not that strong. 8:56 pm Bath is running.  I feel terrible.  Should be going to bed.  But I can't do it without this detox bath. I want to be killing lyme even while I sleep.  So, I shall stay up as long as I need to in order to be certain that happens. 9:02p pm Ha ha!!  Oh for crying out loud!  Remember that brain fog thing I was telling y'all about? Yeah.. well just went to check on the awesome ginger detox bath I am running, expecting to open the bathroom door to a sauna.  Nope... I apparently had turned on the COLD water full blast rather than the hot.  So now I have a full bathtub of ice cold water.  Geez... what a pain in tha ..... ! LOL!  Seriously...  sometimes all you can do is laugh at this thing and move on. Now let me go put some actual HOT water in this tub.  I will talk to y'all again tomorrow. Thanks for reading! Leave me a comment if you want.  I would love to hear from you. Goodnight!

#Supplements #Positive #Mindset #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Juicing #Juice #Health #Healing #Exercise

[gem-marie-blog1]

Pain and Guilt

I fear that this blog could potentially turn into a whiney, whoa is me fest as I attempt to be as upfront as possible regarding the nuances of my plight.  This is NOT my intention.  I do want this to be a place in which I can be very honest and pull no punches when addressing what I encounter day to day.  I feel at this point I need that if I am to keep my sanity.  However, I do not, in any way, want this to come across as negativity or just a listing of complaints.  If that ever appears to be the direction we are heading, someone PLEASE call me out on it.  I wouldn't want to read that and neither should you. That being said... One of the most difficult symptoms of this disease are the mental tricks I play on myself.  The guilt factor is no joke, y'all!  When you can't do things you want to or should be doing because your body won't cooperate, it can really do a number on you emotionally.  Take today for instance, it is Sunday, a day I both look forward to and dread.  I look forward to it because I love church!  I love seeing my friends and listening to uplifting messages, teaching my primary kids and singing hymns.  I dread it because in my faith we attend church for 3 hours.  No.  You did not misread that.  3 hours!  So, we are a little different.  The problem with this 3 hours of church is that when my pain level is off the charts as it was today, there is just no way I can endure sitting upright on hard chairs for 3 straight hours.  I simply cannot.  Therefore, on a day like today, I have to ask someone else to sit in for me with the children I teach in Sunday school.  Fortunately it was not my week to give the lesson.  But I still needed a sub so that my sweet teaching companion wouldn't be left alone to wrangle our cute, hyper little people.  So I only attended the first hour of church today.  Disappointing. Not ideal.  But, what's a girl to do?  Somedays I just have to concede and know that Lyme won. But.... only this particular battle.  NOT THE WAR! Ok.  A little more about today..... Today was rough.  There is just no other way to put it.  I struggled with pain so intense it wouldn't even show up on that little scale they show you in the doctors office.  I was in tears all morning and then took an uncomfortable and unsatisfying nap this afternoon.  I am just plain exhausted.  Constant pain can really tend to wear a person out. One would think I would be looking forward to bed since I feel as if I could fall asleep while writing this blog post.  However, lying down at night is another action that creates mixed emotions.  Do I want to lie down more than almost anything to take pressure off my joints and not have to move around anymore?  You bet!  Unfortunately, the catch 22 in this situation, is that although my body is telling me to lie down, I will not receive any relief from the pain by doing so.  To the contrary, when I lie down it is as if every nerve ending in my body suddenly goes into overdrive, sending a million little pain messages to my brain.  EVERYTHING starts to hurt.  For the most part, this pain was already present.  It was simply masked by other pain or other things my mind was focusing on.  After all, I am used to being in constant pain.  So, in some ways it becomes like background noise throughout the day.  When I finally lie down with no other distraction it all comes to the forefront and there is no escaping it. Of course, all of that makes sleep a real challenge.  Last night I woke myself up at least 5 times whimpering.  Whimpering y'all!  What am I, a puppy?!  For pete's sake!  I even startled myself awake once because in my dream state I thought I had sat straight up in the bed and screamed, "I can't take this anymore!"  LOL!  This did not really happen but obviously my brain needed to scream.  So it kind of did. I really hope that the rigorous training and detoxing I am about to put myself through starting tomorrow will help me to have less days like today.  I do believe that things will get worse before they get better.  But that is ok with me as long as there is progress. So... Tomorrow's Plan 1) Wake up at 5:00am 2) Morning Juice, Ibuprofen, B12, EmergenC and PH Water 3) Read while kids get ready for school (Failing Forward John C Maxwell) 4) 6:00am Family Scripture Study 5) Work on blog while kids practice piano 6) Drive kids to school at 7:30 7) 8:00am prepare to workout      This will be quite a preparation.  I will need to take with me, to the basement, everything I will possibly need for the next few hours after my workout, as I will likely be stuck down there for a while. When my body temp rises from the workout the lyme bacteria will begin a massive die off.  When they do this they release toxins into my blood stream, which not only make me feel really ill, it exacerbates my lyme symptoms. Typically,  my leg goes numb and I have severe muscle spasms, they are basically like a seizure, causing me to lose control of the right side of my body.  In a nut shell, this girl cannot walk immediately after working out.  Stairs are not happening.  LOL!   So, I am planning ahead to get as comfy as I can, hanging out in the basement floor untilI can control my body again.  I will elaborate further and tell you how it goes in tomorrow's post. 8) Work out (T25) 9) Recovery Drink, Benadryl, Alkaseltzer Gold and Glutathione to help with herx 10) Cold shower as soon as I can physically get in.  This is also for the herx. 11) Water, Water, Water! This is just the morning plan.  I will have to see how the rest of the day plays out as far as dealing with herxheimer reaction and detox methods.  I also have my weekly coaching meeting with my Broker at 1:30.  So hopefully I am in the physical condition to drive into the office for that.  I may show up in sweats.  LOL!  Not sure how that will go over. But we will cross the rest of tomorrow's bridges when we get to them. I am both excited and nervous to start this new program. I really hope it helps and does not kill me!

#Supplements #Positive #Mindset #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Juicing #Juice #Health #Healing #Exercise

[gem-marie-blog1]

Ugh.... Morning. I know, I know... it's not like there aren't millions of people who do not enjoy mornings.  So I don't think I am special by any stretch of the imagination.  However, my mornings do present some interesting and frustrating challenges. One... the inability to straighten out limbs that were bent in sleep.  I am seriously like the tin man upon waking.  Two... feeling hungover every day, like seriously hung over.  Imagine the last time you got so drunk that the next day you made really big promises to yourself of how you would never drink again.  Dude... my face hurts.  Three...  Everything is swollen.  My hands feel as if I have vienna sausages for fingers and my my skin is painfully tight everywhere from the inflammation that has built up over night.  Four... I can't really see.  Everything is blurry for about the first hour after waking and my cognitive function is almost non existent.  Five... I am absolutely beyond exhausted.  It's like I never even laid down in the first place.  This is thanks, mostly, to all the times I wake up in pain throughout the night and the extreme insomnia, due to many factors, including but not limited to, chest pains which make me wonder every night if this is, in fact, the actual "Big One" Fred G. Sanford was so worried about.  Also... EVERYTHING hurts.  But that is a given, right? This morning's biggest frustration, however, is that I cannot assemble my juicer so that I can start out the day with a little healing.  Sausage fingers, remember?  So, I need Brent to do it for me.  He is sleeping though, because he is exhausted from the extra load he is carrying around here to make up for all the work I have been unable to do.  Do I wake him?  NO.  I can't do that, right?  It would be selfish.   But then again, I am going to have to be a little selfish to beat this thing.  I will wait a little while though, and let him sleep. In the meantime, I am having a ridiculous amount of water, some ibuprofen, EmergenC to get an early morning boost of Vitamin C and other vitamins, a shot of concentrated cherry juice for antioxidants and anti-inflammation (I think I may try and mix it with some Tumeric today for an added kick),  excedrin migraine to combat the wonderful 'hangover', and some B12 for energy along with some light stretching to try and help relive the inflammation and stiffness.  I will also try to get some reading in to help with a positive mindset so I will focus on what I want today, rather than the pain. That should get things rolling! I will need to be prepared in order to keep this good start going throughout the day. I am showing homes to a client, over two hours away from where I live.  So I am going to need to bring some juice, lots of water, supplements and other things along with me to maintain energy and normalcy and hopefully not have any noticeable, weird, physical issues while I am gone.  These types of trips do create some anxiety nowadays. Unfortunately, I have problems with my right side 'going to sleep' from time to time and I never know when this will occur.  So being far from home, without Brent around, can make me a little nervous.  I just bring the cane along in case I end up needing it and have been known to use my left foot in driving when necessary.  So, all will be well one way or another.  As long as I don't start to slip verbally or cognitively I should be ok. And... we're off!

#Supplements #Positive #Mindset #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Juicing #Juice #Health #Healing #Exercise

[gem-marie-blog1]

PREPARING  FOR  BATTLE

As most all of my friends and associates know, I am battling Late Stage Chronic Lyme disease.  If you would like more information on Lyme Disease, check out this article from my amazing doctor's website.   http://www.westcliniconline.com/therapies/lyme-disease/ Or watch the documentary, "Under Our Skin." It was on Netflix for a while.  Not sure if it is still available.  It is definitely on Amazon.  I think it's free. Bottom line... Lyme is a terrible, nasty, hateful, debilitating, painful, unforgiving, humbling, frustrating, and depressing disease.  I have experienced terrifying episodes of a complete and total loss of control over my body, my life, and my mind.  It is a roller coaster of emotions and pain. I have tons of friends who give me way more credit than they should.  They call me strong and positive and amazing, etc.  Little do they know I seriously feel like none of those things.  What do I feel like, you might ask... I feel guilty and sad and hopeless.  I feel fearful and unsure.  I feel incredibly unworthy and unable to give to my family in the capacity that a wife and mother should.  It is agonizing to live with this stupid, aggressive, little bug, living in my body, taking me over, like some kind of tiny, evil alien being set on destroying me. I want to kill every last spirochete in my blood! So.... THIS MEANS WAR!! I have had it!  I will not ride this roller coaster any longer!  This is MY body and guess what, Lyme... YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!! I have won many battles in my life.  Those who know me are aware of my experience growing up and the hardships we faced.  They know that for all intents and purposes there aren't too many logical reasons that I should be the somewhat successful and well adjusted person I am today.  I have battled and won against poverty, neglect, abandonment, drug and alcohol addiction, severe PTSD and anxiety issues,  depression, and devastating personal losses, to name a few.  So, why have I been letting this cruel invader win and continually take me out of the game?  Well, quite frankly it's because all of the issues I just mentioned, pale in comparison to the fight I am currently in.  I really thought nothing could take me.  LOL!  Guess,  that tick or spider or whatever fool thing bit me, really showed me. To fight this war and win this time, I am instituting a holistic treatment approach based on my research and experience in attempting to maintain some semblance of normalcy over the last couple of years.  I will post about my treatment plan as we go along.  But here are some of the highlights. 1) Create an alkaline environment in my body in which it is more difficult for lyme bacteria to thrive. 2) Daily exercise (as intense as I can handle) to raise body temp, build strength, and cause die off. 3) Daily juicing for inflammation, antioxidants and detoxification. 4) Hot detox baths every other day. 5) Supplements to help ease herxheimer reaction. (For an explanation of herx go to this link http://www.tiredoflyme.com/the-herxheimer-reaction.html) 6) Daily meditation to ease pain and aide healing. 7) Paleo diet (with exception of some juicing ingredients) to ensure Lyme has no toxins on which to feed. 8) Daily epsom salt baths to help with pain issues. 9) Adequate sleep to aide in healing and recovery from herx. 10) Go to West Clinic and receive Vitamin & Mineral IV therapies and neural therapy as soon as possible. 11) Lyme killing and energy boosting supplements daily. 12) Ice cold showers.  (Not my favorite) I will also be doing many things to feed my mind so that I can get over the negative ways in which Lyme has affected my thinking.  I will elaborate more on that topic in a later post. Obviously, this whole thing is hugely experimental on my part.  I am planning to do some things to shock the system to try and blast those little buggers out.  I am mixing methods and opinions and intuition and hoping for the best. I just feel it's better than doing nothing and if it works maybe it will help someone else. I feel this blog could be a therapeutic way for me to deal with the agony I am about to put myself through and hopefully stick to my guns in doing it. Thank you to my friends, for your support. If you have any questions for me or suggestions for this blog or my new regimen let me know! I need all the help I can get! Wish me luck!  Lyme disease is going down!!

#Supplements #Positive #Mindset #Lyme Warrior #Lyme Disease #Lyme #Juicing #Juice #Health #Healing #Exercise